It was a pretty regular day. I was eating lunch with Yuri in the cafeteria, like normal. Until suddenly, things got heated.
"Shut up you bastard! If you're such a chick magnet, how come you're never with one girl for more than a week? What, is that how long it takes for them to realise how much of a self-entitled dick you are?"
"Those are pretty brave words from someone who's never talked to a girl before! What, do you have a picture of your crush under your pillow that you kiss to sleep every night?"
"Oh fuck you, you asked for it!"
And just like that, a fight broke out. A circle quickly formed around the boys as they gouged at each other's eyes and punched at their throats. The smaller boy threw a savage punch, which drew blood from the other boy's nose, and the crowd cheered.
"We should… probably go." Yuri exclaimed, picking up the rest of her sandwich and her book.
"I'm with you on that one." I replied, finishing off the last bite of my meal.
"You know, all of the stuff that goes on in the debate club is almost as bad as that."
"Wait really? Do people have fights and stuff?"
"Well, not actual, physical fights… but people are constantly politically fighting for positions and power… I had to go through a ton of work and politics to become club president this year. It's such a hassle."
"So why do you keep going if you don't enjoy it?"
"Well, I like hanging out around other people with the same interests as me, and talking about it… Honestly, I only became president because I was trying to make things better. But it just didn't work out."
"Aren't there any other clubs you'd want to do?"
"Well, I had a look, but nothing really made me interested enough."
"Why not start your own club then?"
"Well, what could I do that would get enough people? And it'd be really annoying to have to do all the organization for it every week."
"Why not do a book club? Then I could come along! We could talk about books after school!" Suddenly, Yuri looked embarrassed "Sorry! That was really forward I don't mean to be demanding."
"No… That's actually a nice idea." I replied. "Maybe you're right. In fact, you've sold me!" I realised at that point that there was little point keeping going with the debate club. After all, everyone was arguing about something or other pretty much every week, and having to organise everything for the entire year was a massive hassle. Something more slow and simple sounded nice.
"Wait... don't you think that's a bit sudden? You're still club president after all! You can't just quit in the middle of the year!"
"Sure I can! I have a meeting today after all, so I'm just going to tell them that I'm giving up my position, and that I'm quitting!"
"But Monika! Why are you being so spontaneous? Shouldn't you think this through? I mean, you're throwing away all that hard work!"
"Well, What's the point in living if you don't live a little? Anyway, you just said what I've needed to hear for the past few months! I really want to make a literature club! But you have to come along, okay?"
"Okay then. If you're sure you've thought this through."
1 Week later
"Well, welcome to the literature club guys! Uh, please make yourself at home." It was kind of awkward, speaking this way to an empty classroom. "Come on! I can do this! I didn't become president of that stupid debate club just to be bad at speaking to people." I looked at the clock. It was 3:30. Yuri said she would be here ten minutes ago, but she hadn't turned up. Could she have forgotten? She wouldn't have just chosen not to go to the very first club meeting - Yuri had been more enthusiastic about this than even me. "Okay, maybe I'll just try again tomorrow… Yeah, that's what I'll do. Yuri must have forgotten, so I'll remind her to come along tomorrow." As I pulled open the door to leave however, I saw Yuri standing there - with another young girl.
"Oh Hi Yuri! I'm sorry, I'd thought you'd forgotten about it, so I was just going."
"Hey Monika! I'm really sorry." Yuri replied, looking embarrassedly down at her feet. "I just thought it would be nice if some more people came along, so I invited my friend. That's why it took so long, because I was trying to find her."
I looked down at the short, pink-haired girl in front of me. The fact that this was Yuri's friend blew my mind- they looked like complete polar opposites. I always thought of Yuri as, in a word, sophisticated. Her clothing was always immaculate, and her hair cleaned and brushed to perfection. She spoke eloquently, rarely betraying emotions when the time didn't call for them. However this girl, at least on the surface, was completely different. Her hair was an unkempt mess, and her clothes looked like they hadn't been ironed for a week. Perhaps I was being quick to judge though. After all, you shouldn't judge a book by it's-
"So what is this place? If it's a club, how come basically no-one's here?" The girl looked past me and into the empty classroom. Well, sometimes a book is like its cover after all.
"Hi! I'm Monika, the president of the literature club! What's your name?"
"Yeah, Yuri told me all about you. She said you were the president of the debate club, then you quit to do this. I went to that once you know, but it was really boring. Jeez, how could you keep doing that for such a long time? I'm Natsuki by the way." She said all of this in about half the time it would take a normal person. I took a second to collect my thoughts and reply.
"Well it's good to meet you Natsuki! Why don't you come in?" As Yuri and Natsuki entered and sat next to each other, I sat at the teacher's desk at the front. "So Natsuki, what sort of literature do you like? And when did you meet Yuri? She's never talked about you."
Yuri was the one to reply "Well, I actually only met her a few days ago. That's why I didn't really tell you. Sometimes, I like to eat my lunch in the library, because it's quieter. And Natsuki was having her lunch there and reading too. So I said hi to her." This surprised me. Yuri had always been very shy. In fact, she barely spoke to anyone else. But here she was, going up to a girl and starting a conversation with her. They've sat down already, and are sitting there, reading their respective books. I sit there, making posters one by one. When I get through the whole stack, I decide it's better if we all talk rather than just sitting there.
"So what are you reading right now Natsuki?"
"It's Parfait Girls. It's a Manga, and it's really good!" She turned to Yuri, looking annoyed "Unless you ask her! Yesterday, she started complaining about how manga isn't literature! I mean, come on Yuri. How can you say that? It has all the same things as your long novels - there's characters with deep backstories, different ideas, and nice stories."
"But it doesn't use words to convey them, it uses pictures. It's more like a piece of art - Calling manga literature is like calling the Mona Lisa literature. It just doesn't make sense."
"But it's not like that! It has characters who evolve and change, themes within the book, everything for you need for a good piece of literature. No picture has that!"
I start to realise that their polar opposite personalities are gonna cause some problems.
"Okay Natsuki, what other things do you like?"
"Well… I read some poetry. If it's nice." Finally, something I can use to get them to bond a little.
"You like poetry too, don't you Yuri?"
"Yeah, I do."
"That's nice. Do you have any favourite poets?"
"Not really...no."
"Nah, me neither."
"Well, maybe we can look at some next time! I think that sounds like a good time to wrap up for today! So, I suppose I'll see you guys tomorrow!"
The next day however, something surprised me before the club started. As I got there, I noticed that the door was already opened. When I walked in, somebody was already there.
"Oh hey… Who are you?" The young girl turned round.
"Oh Hi! I'm sorry, I got here kida early, hehe! My name's Sayori! This is where the literature club meets, right? Am I too late to join!"
"Uh, yeah, that's right, this is were we meet. You're not too late though, don't worry. But the others aren't here yet."
"Oh, I'm sorry! I got here too early, didn't I? I guess I'm just a bit over enthusiastic, ha! I'm Sayori, by the way!"
"Oh Hi Sayori! Well, It's really nice to meet you. I'm Monika, the president of the literature club. And these…" I added, as the door opened again "Are Natsuki and Yuri, the other members of the club! Hey guys, this is Sayori! She wants to join the club!"
"Oh hello. I am Yuri. It is nice to meet you. And this is-"
"Hey, I'm Natsuki."
"Hi everyone! I'm Sayori!"
"Well, it's very nice to have you with us Sayori. Today we were gonna talk about poems, weren't we?"
"Yeah, sure."
Yuri was reaching into her bag. She brought out a few sheets of paper.
"Well, I uh… I brought some poems that I really like, if you guys want to read them. If you want to..." Yuri looked quietly towards to the ground.
"Okay, sure Yuri!" I handed out Yuri's poems, and we were all silent for a moment as we read them.
"Well, I guess its okay. I don't really like it though." Predictably, Natsuki was the first to respond
"Oh. Y-you didn't? Why not?"
"Well it's just so metaphorical, you know! It's too complex, just for the sake of being complex. Things don't have to be complex to be good! Simple things are good too!"
"But with complicated themes and metaphors, people can glean their own meaning from a poem, it leaves it open to interpretation."
"But-"
"Well, I think they can both be good!"
We all looked round in surprise as Sayori butted in.
"Well, long poems can make the reader create their own ideas, and draw their own conclusions from them. But simpler poems can make you feel something really specific that the writer wants them to feel."
And that was when I realised that Sayori was perfect for being the Vice President, wither her natural ability to solve conflicts.
"And after that, we came together almost every day, just to talk about books and poems and stuff."
"And what did you do Monika? In the game you were always so...passive."
"Well, I usually helped out with administration stuff, like making posters, and dealing with the student council. They were a handful let me tell you. But i kept doing it because I liked the literature club. It was nice to see them every week.
"Wow. You know Monika, you're such a helpful, nice person, you know that?. I really don't deserve you."
"You… You're right. You don't."
I laugh "Wait a minute, isn't this the part where you're supposed to say that I do deserve you?" I look round at her, and I'm shocked to see that she's crying her eyes out.
"You don't deserve me Euan! You've been so kind and helpful to me these past few days! You went to all the trouble of setting up this date today, you've been keeping me a secret from everyone for this whole time, you even missed going out with your friends because of me. And I've done nothing for you! I haven't changed! In the game, I killed all the other girls just so that I could be with you, and I haven't changed! I'm still just being horrible and selfish! I don't deserve to be with you Euan! You need someone who can make you happy and who can make your life better. Not someone like me, who will just cling to you like a leech and drag you down! I've done nothing for you, but you've done everything for me!"
I'm stunned by her words. I thought she had moved past what had happened in the game. I suppose I was wrong - she's still trapped in the past. It's tearing me apart, hearing her like this. I want to embrace her, but I can't. I want to say something to make her feel better, but I'm not a therapist.
"Monika, what are you talking about? You've been great, I've felt way better ever sin-"
"NO! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE! I tried to be better, but even now, I still can't stop myself from being selfish. When you missed your friends yesterday… That was me! I stopped the phone from going off because… because I wanted to spend time with you! I just couldn't bear to be alone again. Don't you see? I'm so selfish that all I will do is ruin your life! You're so much better off without me!"
This confession makes me speechless. She did all that… for me?
"Monika…" I pick up my phone and look at her. Her eyes are covered and she's still sobbing. "Monika look at me." She opens her eyes and takes her hands away, although she's still crying.
"Don't you ever talk like that. The only thing you've done to hurt me in these past few days is talk like that, just now."
"But Euan, I ruined your friendship. I took you away from those who truly care about you."
"Yeah, you did. And that was definitely wrong of you. But you didn't do it to be mean to me. You didn't even do it because you were being selfish. You did it because you were 're not a horrible person Monika. You just have… what's it called... isolophobia. The fear of being alone. And I'm always gonna be here to help you with that."
"But Euan… I can't take you away from the rest of your life. I'm just going to ruin the relationships you have with others if you try to be with me. If you can never leave me alone, then you won't be able to be with anyone else. I can't do that to you. You need to be happy in your life, you deserve to be happy, and I… I can't give you that."
"Now you're the one who needs to stop talking like that. I told you earlier that I've never been out with a girl before, and I always wanted to, and now that I am, I love it. I love you Monika, okay? So you don't need to worry about being alone, okay? It's just, well, a problem. All relationships have problems, right? So, this is just a problem that were gonna work on, and move past. And I'll be beside you the whole time."
"But Euan, I don't want you to sacrifice the lest of your life for me."
"But that's what I want to do. You deserve it Monika. Because I love you."
"You… You do? But… why?"
"Well, it's the same reasons that I told you a few days ago. Your eyes are hypnotically beautiful. Your hair is just,amazing. And you're a kind person, no matter what you think. And what you did yesterday, yeah that was bad. But everyone makes mistakes Monika. And how you're feeling about it right now shows what a good person you are."
Monika has stopped crying, but she is sitting on the floor, arms curled around her legs, and looking up at me with red, puffy eyes.
"Come on. Let's go back, home, okay?"