Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Elder Scroll Series.

Chapter 18: Weaver

Gareth

A feeling of unease spread through me under Mahrig's stare. Her eyes were darker than usual. The sun was beginning to set and the last rays of the sun danced across her ashen hair illuminating the silver streaks giving them a more golden hue. Her skin was the normal flushed Ivory I was used to, which had caused a flood of relief as I had spotted her walking toward Theo across the road from where I sat. I had initially been in a state of shock to see her up and about after having worried myself that she had slipped into an eternal slumber. That feeling faded as I watched her converse with the obviously relieved Theo. I didn't even mind the way he grabbed her up into an embrace. The only thing that had mattered in that moment was that Mahrig was alright. That is, until her gaze had found mine.

My blood ran as chilled as the Northern Wind that had picked up at the approach of night. Mahrig's eyes were wide with the discovery of my presence. I couldn't find the will to move under her stare. It was as if her gaze had petrified every fiber of my being, and all I could do was wait for her move. Her eyes eventually, but hesitantly, left mine to glance toward where Krahmer sat by the fire. I couldn't hear the words that were exchanged between her and Theo, but by his composure and uneasy stature I assumed he was filling her in on all that had transpired.

I glanced over to Krahmer who seemed unfazed by Mahrig's newfound curiosity. He sat silently sipping his waterskin as the fire before us crackled with embers of lively warmth. His eyes weren't focused on anything in particular, he just sat in a trance like state, waiting for the world around him to make the first move. He no doubt wanted to speak to Mahrig, but he wanted her to approach him, not the other way around. That is why he had been following her prior to arriving at Solitude. His predicament could almost have matched my own. He had been afraid that she would flee from him on sight.

Mahrig and Theo settled in around the campfire shortly after the sun sank below the western mountains. The chill of the wind had no doubt drawn them to the fire like a moth to a flame. I wanted to speak with Mahrig, I wanted to say anything to make her notice me, but it appeared that I didn't have the same effect on her that she had on me. I wanted to understand what could possibly be running through her mind in that moment as she sat quietly, enthralled by the flames of the fire as Krahmer had been. Theo pulled a few pieces of dried Venison from his pack and offered to the lot around the fire. We accepted, all except Mahrig who lightly shook her head and smiled.

"You should eat something Mahrig, I bet you're famished." Theo insisted as he motioned the jerky toward her.

"No, really. I'm honestly not hungry. I think I may have overdone it with water while I was still in the inn." Theo nodded slightly in reply and withdrew his hand.

"Suit yourself flower. I'll save this for later, because the hunger will no doubt kick in once you lose the water weight." Mahrig slightly smiled and returned her attention to the fire.

I heard Krahmer clear his throat as he shifted his weight to prop his elbow on his knee. His movement caught Mahrig's attention before he had even made a sound. Her eyes were alert and ready, the flames of the fire forgotten. I sat observing her, it was all that I could do. The words I wanted to say, and the things I wanted to do were too much. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let her go, make promises to protect her, follow her to the ends of Nirn and back, but as I sat by the fire next to one of my own kind, a Paladin, the hope of ever being able to do those things were quickly fading. As my oath as a Paladin was under scrutiny, I was beginning to wonder just how far I would go for this woman. The woman that was intentionally averting her gaze from me.

"Who are you?" Mahrig's voice yet again nourished the void that had been gnawing at me for weeks. Krahmer looked up from his sitting position to where Mahrig sat. His eyes came back into focus, and even seemed to soften at her question.

"Sir Krahmer, Paladin Knight of the Nine." He slightly bowed his head as he waited for her reply.

"Yes, I'm aware of your name and title, but who are you, and why have you been following me?" Mahrig's voice held no malice as she spoke, but she clearly wanted him to get straight to the point. Krahmer lightly chuckled before he answered.

"I'm not really sure how to answer that yet. I can promise that I bear you no ill will child. I simply came on a whim. An old whim that I had hoped would die as I came closer to the end of my life." Krahmer shifted again, this time sitting in an upright position, reaching for his bag.

"Unfortunately, age plays tricks on a man's resolve. You can go through life convincing yourself that the past should be left where it is, but the closer you come to life's end the more the past weighs down on you. You run from the past your whole life, speeding away from it. That is until age slows you down, and the past catches up." Krahmer presented something wrapped in Leather to Mahrig. She hesitantly accepted.

"What is this?" Mahrig asked as she looked up.

"It's something that can answer a few of your questions you may have about your life." Mahrig glanced back down to the leather bound object in her hands.

"Ah, also you'll want to see this." Krahmer grabbed the folded parchment from his belt and handed that to her as well. Mahrig unfolded the parchment slowly. I watched as her chest ceased to rise with breath.

Mahrig

The longer I stared at the parchment, the colder my fingers became. I couldn't move. It was as if the eyes of the figure staring back at me had paralyzed me. The familiar eyes that held so much depth and detail to be a drawing. The woman who was so like me, but yet not me. Without knowledge my once paralyzed hand reached to grab a strand of my own hair, subconsciously comparing my waves to the straight hair depicted on the parchment. I couldn't speak, I couldn't ask Krahmer who this woman was, because somehow I already knew the answer.

"You can keep that one. I've illustrated many others over the years." Krahmer's voice brought me back from my bewilderment. I sat frozen with the parchment in one hand, and a lock of hair in the other. I couldn't speak. I didn't want to ask the questions that swirled around in my mind, I didn't want to sound stupid and make assumptions, but the obvious shock in my features must have been apparent.

"Her name was Adria. Her formal name, Adriahnna Talyssa Letrav of High Rock. She was a respected Scholar within all of the Provinces. Her work opened doors to a better understanding of this world, and maybe even the next." Theo and Gareth both looked confused as Krahmer spoke.

"What do you mean the next world?" Theo asked as he ruffled his hair and glanced between the depiction on the parchment and myself.

"Every culture has their own beliefs of where their souls will ascend or descend to once their time within Mundus expires. We know that there are many dimensions of Oblivion, not one of them has a select preference as to whom it consumes as long as the soul is tainted upon death or a deal has been made in life. Adria, in her final years opened up a pathway to knowledge of the many different realms of the Aedra within Aetherius, in the process however she lost her life." Krahmer's expression dimmed as he spoke.

"So, you're saying that mortals could walk within the realms of the Aedra as they have the realms of the Daedra?" Gareth's eyes were serious as he voiced his understanding of Krahmer's words.

"I'll never know, only Adria knew for sure. It's one of the reasons the Elder's of Kvatch kept her hidden away." Without realizing I had been holding my breath my body reacted to Krahmer's response by taking a sharp intake of breath.

"They imprisoned her like they did me?" I could feel everyone's eyes on me, but I could only see Krahmer's.

"Like I said before it was her knowledge that intrigued them and led them to keep her hidden away, but they imprisoned her because of you." I sat frozen once again. Krahmer's face became cold, not toward me, but toward the memories that must have surfaced as he spoke.

"I wasn't able to recover many of her things. I was exiled from Kvatch after everything happened. It could have been worse. I could have been silenced, but that wouldn't have faired well between the Knights of the Nine and the Priests and Templars. I didn't doubt that wickedness had touched the hearts of the men and women within those walls. Their very actions were of greed. They were running wild with the power of knowledge that Adria was able to give them." Krahmer turned without notice and began walking toward the inn.

"Wait, please. I need to know more." I begged as I shakingly jumped to my feet. Krahmer stopped only momentarily and voiced his words over his shoulder.

"Read her journal. It has more than enough to suffice for answers. It's not one of her journal's that explained her work in detail, it was a personal journal of hers. She gave it to me as soon as she went into labor. I think she knew what they were about to do." With those words he continued his journey toward the inn.

I sat frozen in place with the key to my life's beginning in my hands, and a picture of my mother at my feet. I wanted to read it immediately. I wanted to unwrap the journal and pour myself into the pages that held her handwriting. I wanted to see her life splayed on the pages so that I could better understand my own, but something was stopping me. If her life, her journal, ended where mine began, I feared that reading the journal would only hurt more than not knowing. I hadn't even noticed the warm tear slide down my cheek until a hand swept into view to wipe it away. I was half expecting the hand to be Theo's, but it wasn't, It was Gareth's hand. His strong warm hand that held the comfort I had longed for. The comfort I needed more than ever was right beside me with concern filled emerald eyes.

"What a horses ass!" Theo's voice rang out disturbing the silence that had engulfed the area.

"He followed us from Winterhold, stalked us in Solitude, waited this whole time for you to wake up so that he could confuse the dung out of all of us, then leaves." Theo scoffed at Krahmer's retreating form.

"You Paladins sure like to play some twisted mind games." Theo shook his head and turned his glare toward Gareth. Gareth's eyes slightly narrowed as he spoke in response.

"Don't forget about what he's done for us, for Mahrig. I doubt he came here to play games considering the sacrifices he's made." Gareth's voice was steady as he replied.

"For that I'm grateful, I really am, but what he's doing to Mahrig is just wrong. She doesn't need this, not after what she's been through." Theo was clearly aggravated.

"He has his reasons, just as you have your own to defend Mahrig, but he isn't doing this as some sick game. There must be a reason he gave that journal to Mahrig, and the picture of her...mother." Gareth hesitated to add the last part. His hesitation matched the way my heart skipped as he uttered the last word. Theo's irritation should have been culled at Gareth's explanation, but his unease only grew.

"That brings me to another problem I'm trying to deal with at the moment." Theo spat hastily.

"I'm sure our little tea parties over the last few days have been fun for you, but just because Mahrig is back to full health doesn't mean you can just wiggle back into her life like a skeever burrowing in out of the cold." As Theo spoke he pushed himself between Gareth and I. My footing slightly faltered as my weight shifted to my right ankle. Gareth almost looked taken back at Theo's intended insult.

"I'm not wiggling my way into anyone's life." Gareth voiced as he too shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"Then why are you here? Why did you follow us from Solitude, only to come running when it was too late?" Theo's features darkened as his words carried venom to Gareth's ears. I wanted to intervene but Gareth choked out his reply.

"I needed to see her." I froze as I peeked around Theo to see Gareth's face. He almost looked as defeated as I felt concerning the situation. There was no fire in his eyes that Theo had intended to fuel. He wasn't going to make excuses for his actions. I had hurt him in leaving, and the thought was almost too much to bare. Without even thinking, or realizing what I had done, I pushed past Theo and wrapped my arms around my broken Paladin.

Gareth's discarded chest plate sat by the fire, the flames gleaming on the surface was my main focus through my blurry tear filled eyes as I listened to his heartbeat through the cotton shirt that fit snuggly to his chest. Gareth's body had went rigid as soon as I had made contact with him. I would have been embarrassed if the sorrow and guilt had not been the only thing weighing down on me.

"I'm so sorry Gareth." I choked out. I didn't know what else to say to the broken man I held in my arms.

"I never meant to hurt you if that's what I've done. I would never have left if I had known you wouldn't turn on me. I had so little faith, and you deserved more than that. I've never been able to trust anyone, and I panicked." My sobs overtook my frame as I shook against my rock that I had caused to waver.

"This is what I'm talking about Paladin. She blames herself, for all of this. She hasn't blamed anyone else since the day we took off. I thought she was getting better, but here we are back at square one." Theo's anger sounded as if it had diminished, and now he simply seemed as if he was pleading with Gareth to understand something. I pushed away to look up at Gareth. His eyes were closed. His face was almost serene as I stared up at him. The peaceful air around him was almost tangible.

"If she wishes it, then I'll leave and never seek her out again." Gareth's voice was calm as he slowly opened his eyes and glanced down at me. His eyes, the deep emerald color was even more mesmerising than the Forest's of Falkreath. His pupils were wide, seeming as if they were about to devour the emerald pools that surrounded them. I could never wish him away, even if it was for the best. In that moment, he was my only source of comfort. I knew he would be the only thing that was worth waking up for the next day and every day after that. My life was in shambles without him, he was my order, my discipline.

"I want you to stay, but not as an obligation. I want you to stay if that is truly what you want to do." My words were spoken softly, almost a whisper. Gareth creased his brow slightly as he stared down into my eyes. The uncomfortable realization that I was still holding onto him was slowly setting in as I waited for his response.

"If I had come back because of obligation I would have confronted you in Solitude my lady. I've been conflicted because I was unsure of the complete reason behind your leaving. I wasn't sure that you wanted me to find you. I knew Kynareth wouldn't have guided me into your service if you were not worthy and I understood that the people that were after you weren't being honest with me. I never gave up your location, or the knowledge that you were in Shor's Stone. I'm not sure I would have been able to, even if the Divine's had commanded it." My grip on the back of Gareth's shirt tightened as he spoke the last of his statement. What had I done to this man to make him even consider defying the very beings he devoted his life to? Had my corruption of him began before my departure?

I slowly released Gareth and tried to step away, but his hand caught mine as I had retracted it.

"You're the only one who cares to know me. The only one who actually listens when I speak. I bet you didn't know it, but you drive me to be my own person, a better person. In the years before I met you, I blindly walked around doing the Divine's work. I can't even remember half of the names of the people I've helped, or even remember what I've helped them with. I've been a shell of a man, an instrument living to serve. Being a Paladin is a lonely journey, but when I met up with you I began carving out a place in this world." He paused before continuing, taking in my expression.

"I can remember all that we've done, the days no longer bleed together, my life has more meaning than just to a be a man that wanders Nirn. I'm no longer a shell, I feel like I'm someone when I'm around you. If it's wrong to feel this way, then the Divine's have failed to show me the error. Your companionship brought me to life. I feel like everything before becoming a Paladin is just a bad dream, everything I suffered through. You are the closest person to me since my father." The tall man before me was pouring every ounce of his soul out for me to dissect. All I could do was hang on to the words he presented.

Theo's form could no longer be felt. He had seemingly swallowed his pride and left. When was unknown to me.

"I waited in Solitude once the rumors of the dragon spread. I knew you would go there. I pondered day after day on how I would confront you, or if I would even approach you at all. I was afraid the moment I laid eyes on you that you would just up and disappear like a magician's trick." I stopped him and shook my head.

"Gareth, I can never apologize enough for what I've done. I panicked, and that's the only explanation I have. I would have never left any other way. If I could go back in time even without knowing what I know now I wouldn't have left. Even if you had decided to turn me in. I would have stayed to avoid hurting you." Gareth slowly shook his head.

"No my Lady, you didn't hurt me. It was I who hurt myself. You've never become close to anyone because you felt you couldn't trust anyone. I never let myself get close to anyone because I didn't want to. The clarity I have now in your presence was worth the wait. I knew you must have had your reasons for doing what you did. If anyone hurt me, it was myself for being too blinded by my own emotions to make sense of things."

Hearing Gareth blame himself was what I had feared the most. It was my actions that had gotten us into this situation, and it was yet again him who blamed himself. In that moment I wanted nothing more than him to just give credit where it was deserved. He needed to blame me. I wanted him to blame me. This was in fact all my fault and he was rationalizing it as his own.

"Gareth, its alright to blame someone other than yourself, especially when the culprit is right in front of you." Gareth's half lidded gaze softened as I broke my free hand away from his grasp to touch his face. His palm rested on top of mine as he closed his eyes and leaned into my touch.

"Your friendship means everything to me Mahrig. I would never do anything to jeopardize it." I could feel his warm breath that smelled of juniper berries on my face as he spoke. Our faces were so close I could see the slightly raised veins on his eyelids. I clutched the journal in my right hand as my left hand rested under his, cupping his cheek. I wanted to comfort him, in any way that I could, and so I did the one thing that I saw many women do to young children. It may have been foolish to treat him like a child, but in that moment he was being as stubborn as one. I pushed my weight up onto my toes and placed my lips to his forehead.

Gareth

Making sense of the world was something I had longed to do in my journey as a Paladin. I didn't necessarily need to know all of the world's mysteries to be able to do so, because the moment Mahrig's lips pressed against the skin of my forehead, the world's beauty came into view and with it my own meaning was formed. Life had been a complicated feat for me, so complicated that I needed guidance. I needed something to show me how to live it. I hadn't joined the Knights of the Nine purely to change the world because I was afraid of what had happened to me in my past. I had joined because I didn't know how to live anywhere but in my past. I still felt like the slave boy I grew up as, even as a Paladin. The Divines were my saviour's, but Mahrig was what kept me free.

Her scent filled my senses as her lips lingered on my skin. I didn't dare open my eyes in fear that she would pull away and the feeling of having her so close would be gone. I wanted to stay like this as long as she would permit it. I could feel her frame begin to shake as the awkward pressure she was putting on her ankle began to take its toll. I put my arm around her, holding her up to relieve some of the burden off of her ankle. For a moment I feared she would stop as the pressure of her lips disappeared from my skin, but was soon replaced by the feeling of her cheek against my head as her other arm surrounded me in a cradle.

Happiness. Something I had come to feel quite often in her presence, something that had eluded me for the past two months. Happiness was moderately new to me. Not completely new, but an old stranger that resurfaced after many years. Being around Mahrig reminded me of a time before I knew all of the evil in the world. Evil has always been there, but in life there are things that can drown it out. A child's oblivious nature, an addiction, a woman with a smile that can make you forget even the darkest realities in the world. That is what Mahrig was to me. She was my light in the dark world, something I had been robbed of as a child. Mahrig was my Happiness.

I heard the loud hoof beats against stone that would end my moment of serenity. I opened my eyes as Mahrig pulled away. A rider crossed the great stone dragon bridge clad in Imperial armor. He stopped shortly once he was in town. The distraction was only momentary, but had robbed me of her. I wanted more, more of her, so much more. I wanted all of her. The thought stopped me dead in my tracks as I felt the heat rush to my face. Thankfully Mahrig hadn't noticed the change in my features. Her attention was now on the journal that was wrapped in worn leather that she held in her hands.

It was as if nothing had transpired between us. I almost felt as if I could slide right back into our old routine. The hurt that had been welling in my chest was somehow consoled by just being near her. Mahrig, the woman who was one day at a time saving me from my past, was about to discover hers. I couldn't imagine the thoughts that must have been clouding her mind as she stared down at the leather wrapped journal.

"You don't have to read it all in one sitting, you don't even have to read it if you don't want to. Sometimes it's easier to let things be and continue how things are." Krahmer's voice startled both Mahrig and I. I hadn't heard him approach, and it made sense considering he was now in his civilians clothes. The heavy armor he had once toted was probably tucked safely away at the inn.

"I want to know, but sometimes knowledge is terrifying." Mahrig's voice was calm considering not moments earlier she had been startled.

"Knowledge can be bad or good. It just depends on what you do with it. It took me years to understand that." Krahmer took a seat by the fire as Mahrig nodded her head in agreement.

"I can assure you though that everything in that journal, Adria wrote specifically for you." Krahmer's gaze found Mahrig across the fire as she settled down into a sitting position beside my legs. I began to move around her to give her some space, but she stopped me, and motioned for me to sit beside her. I obliged her unspoken request as she began to unwrap the journal. Krahmer spoke up again.

"They let me stay with her till her final minutes. I think she knew what was about to happen. She always had a sense for things. After her labor started she snuck this journal to me along with a note that was for me. When she notified them that she had gone into labor I was ushered out of the room, and it was the last time I seen her. They made me leave. I wasn't even permitted to attend her funeral. My access to Kvatch was denied. I never knew what had happened to you until about two years ago, and even then I only knew that you were on the run." Krahmer sighed and rubbed his eyes. I could see the age start to show in his features as he became tired.

"I figured it was high time I track you down and fulfill my promise to Adria. I sure wouldn't want to die and come face to face with a furious Adria. I would beg Oblivion to swallow me up." He lightly chuckled at his attempt at humor. Mahrig smiled slightly at his words.

"So, she was my mother. There is no denying that, it didn't even have to be voiced." Mahrig grabbed the parchment that she had dropped earlier. The face of the woman staring back at her was just as stunning. She had definitely inherited her mother's looks. Which lead me to question who her father was. As if Mahrig had read my mind she asked the question herself in her own way.

"That just leaves one question. I know who my mother was, but who was my father?" Krahmer's eyes darted up from the fire as he shifted uncomfortably.

"If these are questions you truly seek, then read the journal. I can't give you the answer's that your mother can even in death. She had a way of making even the most complicated things simple. I would just confuse you further." Krahmer shifted back into a more comfortable position.

"Where is that other kid, I really liked the dried Venison he had. I've never tasted anything like it, and I've eaten a lot of meat before."

"I'm not sure where he went." Mahrig replied.

"I've got his bag though." She reached over and grabbed the brown fur satchel from its resting place.

"He makes his own jerky. He also seasons it himself. It's one of my favorite treats, and the only reason I keep him around." Krahmer and I both looked up to Mahrig in surprise. She chuckled lightly and waved her hand.

"It was only a joke. He's been a good friend, and a pain in my back side, which by default gives me the right to make such jokes." Mahrig handed Krahmer a few pieces of the Jerky. He nodded in thanks.

"Are you sure he won't mind?" Krahmer asked before standing up.

"No, He still has plenty. It's good to have around considering it doesn't go bad nearly as quickly as other food." Mahrig beamed up at Krahmer.

"Well, give my thanks to the young man. I think I'm going to retire for the evening. I shall see the lot of you in the morning?" Mahrig nodded her head and waved as he turned to head back toward the inn.

Mahrig glanced back down at the now uncovered Journal. The red leather bound journal almost looked as if it was unused. The binding wasn't cracked, the surface was smooth and in good condition. I began to wonder if Krahmer had just left the journal wrapped up all these years. Mahrig hesitantly opened the journal.

"I'll give you some privacy." I said as I started to stand.

"No wait, please!" Mahrig said as she grabbed the sleeve of my shirt.

"Please stay. I don't really want to be alone for this, and I don't want to hide anything else from you." Her lips slightly parted as she steadied her breathing and stared up at me. The yearning in her eyes was more than enough to make me resume my sitting position beside her. She moved closer to my side, giving me a complete view of the journal.

"If I'm going to discover something about my life, something that could change the way I see myself, or those around me, even just finding out about my mother, then I want you to be here with me. I'm not sure this is something I can do on my own." I slowly nodded to show my support as she spoke. I completely understood how she felt. Something in me even reeled at the thought of our mutual feeling.

Mahrig's shaky hands opened the journal to the first page.

To my dearest Weaver

With love, your mother