Today's itinerary: Pay homage to the original Fate Stay Night visual novel presentation, Unlimited Blade Works Abridged, The Simpsons, and Avengers: Endgame.

By the end of this chapter, you'll probably wonder why this fic claims to follow the stations of the canon storytelling trope when it multi-track drifts to Eurobeats.

Now, onwards to-

Stations of the Canon

another story of The Kotomine Gene

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Disclaimer

Sheo Darren does not own Fate/Stay Night or Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica.

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Note

Italics indicate Kyouko's thought processes.

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Chapter 3: Stupid Sexy Lancer

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Kyouko was shaped by many regrets born from rash decisions. Like believing her father that the best way to take revenge for her grandfather was to make Fuyuki burn. And murdering her best friend's father. And allowing her best friend's mother to get strangled until the woman she called "Auntie" suffered permanent brain damage. And treating her adoptive father coldly until his death. And keeping her best friend in the dark about the blood on her hands. And pretending to be her best friend's mother's other daughter. And so on and so forth.

Tonight, she was regretting the latest in her ever-growing list of bad choices.

I shouldn't have acted like a cool hero when I ended the call, she lambasted herself. Instead of telling Rin-sempai to protect Aoi-obachan, I should have asked her to get here as fast as possible with her Servant. Then I could have drawn this out as long as possible until they arrived to save me...

"Master!" Lancer called out once he and Kyouko reached the open space of the Emiya residence's garden. "I brought the enemy Master out for you!"

"Wait, what?"

So Lancer was telling the truth about his Master's sex. That's clearly a woman's voice. It sounds like she's hiding behind the storage shed. I wonder if she sensed the summoning circle in there and destroyed it?

"You didn't kill her, Lancer?" the woman exclaimed.

"She hasn't summoned a Servant, yet," he reported. "And she can't harm me."

Thanks for the vote of confidence in my combat skills, Lancer. But why does his Master sound nervous?

"You should have taken her out!"

"Servants fight Servants while Masters fight Masters," Lancer repeated. "That's the rule of the Holy Grail War."

Is this guy a Lancer or a Lawyer? Whatever - I'm glad he puts honor before reason.

"I know that," the woman complained.

"Besides, she seems impressive enough to give you a good fight," Lancer pointed out. "And isn't that why you joined this War?"

"I joined up to fight alongside you!"

"And as my Master, you fight the enemy Master while I fight the other Servant. Since there isn't any hostile Servant, I don't have anyone to fight. I'm kind of jealous you have an opponent."

"I refuse to show myself to her in the state I'm in right now!"

is that an impasse between these two? Maybe I can take advantage of it...

"I don't suppose you can come back when your Master feels like coming out to play?" Kyouko proposed in a light tone.

"Not a chance, Missy," Lancer laughed. "You'll probably run off and hide."

"It was worth a shot." After shrugging, Kyouko made her actual offer. "Then how about I just surrender to you? Then you can take me to the Church and have the representative remove my Command Seals."

Lancer raised his right eyebrow. His Master sounded like she tripped and fell from surprise.

"You're quitting?" the unseen Master exclaimed once she picked herself up from the ground.

"Yeah." Kyouko raised her hands above her head. "I surrender. You win. Please take me to the Church."

I wonder who succeeded Grandpa and Dad as the Church representative here? No one from the Church bothered to look for me after the last War, and I never dared to show my face at the church. Maybe they thought I was dead. Or they didn't care about me.

...That kind of pisses me off. And scares me. If the new representative is that Sancraid Phahn guy, I'm screwed. Dad hates him, and the only other person Dad hates is Zouken Matou - may his black soul burn in Hell forever.

"But why?" The other Master couldn't believe her ears. "Why are you surrendering?"

"I have no Servant," Kyouko pointed out. "I can't escape from your Servant or defeat him. You don't want to come out to fight me, and your Servant isn't interested in killing me himself."

I guess I'm still lucky. Most Servants wouldn't have hesitated to kill a defenseless Master like me. And Rin-sempai is the only mage I can think of who won't force her Servant to kill a helpless Master - or kill her defenseless rival herself. Although she'd probably make an exception for me if she ever learns I murdered her father...

"And I want to live," Kyouko added. "If that means giving up my Command Seals, then so be it."

So what if I never became a Master and never got to summon my Servant? I can still help Rin. Even if all I can do is give advice, take care of Aoi-obachan, and maybe throw a Black Key or two at someone's shadow when they're not looking, I'll be happy to do what I can.

I'll hide my other Command Seals from the Church representative, though. They're the only legacy I have from Grandpa. He gave up his life to keep them safe from that evil mage. I won't let anyone take them away from me.

I wonder why they didn't block the new Command Seals. Do they not count if they're transferred from one person to another? That might explain why Grandpa could reward that evil mage with a new Command Seal.

Or maybe the Grail likes me and is cheating on my behalf. I'm sure it spared my life ten years ago.

...Being in the good graces of All The World's Evils doesn't sound appealing at all, now that I think of it...

"Well? Will you accept my surrender?" Kyouko remembered something from the Fourth Grail War, something involving Kiritsugu. "Or do you want me to sign a self-geis scroll first?"

"There's no need to go that far," replied the hidden woman, much to Kyouko's relief. "I believe you. Very well, I accept your surrender."

"Aaawww," Lancer sighed. "I was looking forward to watching your fight, Master, Missy."

"Your Master would beat me easily," Kyouko lied.

A small part of me does want to fight this mage. I want to see if my martial arts training and magecraft studies can let me win against a more experienced and powerful human opponent. And Lancer himself thinks I have a shot.

But the reward isn't worth the risk. One step at a time.

"Anyway, Lancer, could I ask a favor of you?" Kyouko casually brought up while waiting for her counterpart to show herself.

"Oh? What is it, Missy?"

"Can you show me your face?"

"Oi, oi, oi, what kind of request is that?" Lancer adopted a teasing tone. "Did you fall in love with me after listening to my voice? I'm not that kind of hero, you know."

"You're the second nicest guy I've met." And Kyouko meant it. Issei was much nicer and definitely much less deadly, but Lancer sounded charming for a rough man. "I just want to see the man who spared my life with my own eyes."

"That sounds like high praise coming from you," he noted. "But what's in it for me?"

"You'll have my thanks and respect."

"And what if you've got an Archer waiting to shoot me the moment I turn visible?"

"I'm pretty sure an Archer who can hit you from that far off will do so much damage with that attack that I, the Master, would get caught in the blast radius," Kyouko responded.

"Or he could shoot my Master," Lancer debated.

"Whom you left outside all this time. You said it yourself: Servants fight Servants-"

"-and Masters fight Masters," Lancer agreed. "You got fire in you, Missy. All right, I'll humor you."

A lean man in a blue bodysuit appeared out of thin air. He towered over Kyouko and easily outmassed her despite his rather lanky form. His hair matched the color of his clothing, while his eyes gleamed like the red gemstones dangling from his earlobes.

Despite claiming she wanted to see his face, Kyouko's eyes quickly went to the spear that rested upon Lancer's shoulder. Her russet pupils traced its crimson length from tip to base and drank in every detail of the Noble Phantasm.

It's beautiful and scary. Lancer must be a strong Hero, although Gilgamesh-sama is still stronger than him...

Satisfied with the close inspection of his spear, Kyouko returned her gaze to Lancer himself. Her eyes snapped wide open a mere moment later. Hot blood rushed into her cheeks and spread throughout the rest of her face, while her jaw dropped open to let her mouth gape like a fish.

Wait a minute. Lancer isn't wearing a blue bodysuit. He painted his skin with blue paint. He's not wearing a top or-

Her disbelieving gaze dove below Lancer's waistline. The undeniable proof of his nakedness and masculinity manifested between his legs.

He's bigger than Dad from what I remember of the time I walked in on him and Mom by accident.

The reflexive mental comparison of Kirei Kotomine's 'Black Key' with that of Lancer's 'lance' proved the last straw that broke Kyouko.

"WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!" She desperately tore her gaze away from the Heroic Spirit's 'polearm' to glare at his unperturbed face.

"The warriors of my era fight naked," Lancer replied as if the practice was the most natural thing in the world.

Just as naturally, Kyouko swung her naginata at his blue-painted chest.

"Woah." Lancer lazily leaned out of the way of the curved blade seeking his bare torso. "That was a nice swing, Missy. If you were a Servant, you might have grazed me."

"Pervert!" She directed her next thrust at his upper torso to avoid the risk of seeing something she did not want to see. "I take back every good thing I said about you!"

"That really hurts, Missy." Lancer effortlessly dodged her angry attack. He did not try to disarm Kyouko - that was how little he thought of the threat she posed. "And we were getting along so well…"

"Shut up!"

"Stop playing around with her, Lancer," his Master barked from her hiding spot.

"You're one to say that when you're the type of person who lets your Servant run around naked!" Kyouko continued her futile attempts to shish kebab the adroitly dodging Lancer. "Tell him to put on some pants at the least!"

"What did you think I did when I first saw him like that?" Lancer's Master protested in an exhausted tone. "He didn't listen!"

"Then use a Command Seal and force him!" Kyouko snapped.

"Do you have any idea how valuable those are? What kind of Master would spend a Command Seal on something trivial like making her Servant obey a whimsical wish?"

X-X

Carried in the arms of the hastily bounding Archer, Rin Tohsaka sneezed.

"Bless you, Master," offered her red-haired Servant.

"Thanks. I wonder who was talking about me…"

X-X

"You know," Lancer said nonchalantly as he danced around the huffing Kyouko. "Yelling at each other will get you nowhere. You should talk eye to eye, Missy, Master."

"I am not going out there while I'm like this," his Master barked at him.

Why hasn't she shown herself? Is she embarrassed to associate with this pervert? Well, who wouldn't feel shame at summoning a stripper? Even mages have standards, I guess...

"Excuse me, Missy." Lancer bound out of Kyouko's immediate stabbing/slashing range. to the building that hid his Master. "Come out, Master!"

"What? No, Lancer! Stop!"

Having worked herself up in a light sweat, Kyouko kept a wary eye on the ambling Servant. Not because she wanted to see his naked body. She just needed to monitor him in case he had something up his metaphorical sleeve. She wasn't ogling his broad shoulders or muscular back or tight butt...

Stupid sexy Lancer! Away from me, Satan!

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Missy!" Lancer reemerged from behind the storage building. He carried a squirming woman on his left shoulder and didn't show any signs of slowing down despite his burden.

"Put me down, you great big oaf!" The indignant woman pummeled her smugly smirking Servant. Kyouko caught glimpses of flashing green lines that suggested Reinforcement magecraft at work. Despite the thaumaturgic self-enhancement, the blows accomplished nothing against Lancer's durable body.

"Only if you swear you won't run away," Lancer laughed.

"You'd resort to a geis for something so petty and humiliating?"

"It worked for me!" Lancer put the flailing woman down. "Missy, this is my Master! Master, Missy! Say hi!"

Desperate to avoid looking at the shamelessly naked Servant, Kyouko shifted her gaze to his Master. The woman had perhaps ten years on her and was also head and shoulders taller. Her hair was a shade of red that leaned toward magenta, and her eyes were reddish brown. She held her hands and arms over her chest and crotch, possibly because her red bodysuit clung to her skin like-

Wait a minute, Kyouko realized. That's not a bodysuit, either. She's wearing body paint like Lancer. Which means-

"WHY ARE YOU ALSO NAKED?!"

Kyouko was no stranger to the sight of naked women. She had bathed and dressed with her late mother, her sister figure Taiga, Rin, and Aoi Tohsaka. But none of those ladies would ever dare to go bare outdoors unless they were at an open-air hot spring.

Must not threaten her with my spear - Lancer might kill me. Must not threaten her with my spear - Lancer might kill me. Must not threaten her with my spear - Lancer might kill me...

"It's Lancer's fault!" The mage looked ready to die from embarrassment. "He said the warriors of his era fight naked! When I said I wanted to become his shield-bearer, he insisted I follow the customs of his people and go naked as well!"

"Are all you mages all a bunch of inbred idiots out of touch with common sense?"

"We are not!" The accusation seemed to have hit a nerve with Lancer's Master. "And you're one to talk bad about mages when you're one of us!"

"I'm a student of a mage!" Kyouko retorted. "And now that I've seen what this generation of mages are like, I think I'll quit while I'm still ahead!"

Amused by the two redheads exchanging hot barbs on the matter of mages, Lancer took his time to intervene in the argument. Then he metaphorically proceeded to throw his spear in the way it was meant to be used.

"Oh, I get it." He turned to Kyouko. "Hey, Missy-"

"My name is Kyouko," she archly replied while avoiding looking at him.

"Great. Kyouko. You mind taking your clothes off as well?"

...What.

"What," Kyouko quoted the flat voice inside her pretty head. Lancer's Master echoed her flabbergasted remark.

"See, the way I figure it out, you're embarrassed to see my awesome body because you're wearing clothes," Lancer reasoned. "And my Master here is ashamed to show you her hotness for the same reason. So if you take off your clothes and we're all naked, we have no reason to get hot and bothered over!"

Must not waste my energy stabbing Lancer - he'll just dodge my attack. Must not waste my energy stabbing Lancer - he'll just dodge my attack. Must not waste my energy stabbing Lancer - he'll just dodge my attack...

"I can't believe you summoned history's greatest pervert as your Servant!"

"This isn't my fault! How was I supposed to know that the great hero C-" The older redhead stopped herself from saying something possibly important. "I mean, Lancer wasn't a stripper in his legend!"

"Hey," Lancer protested mildly. "A stripper strips for a living. I strip before a fight. There's a world of difference."

"What kind of hero fights naked?" Kyouko demanded to know.

"Beowulf," Lancer suggested. "By the way, I'm not him. I'm pretty sure he's a Berserker."

Kyouko tethered on the brink of gaining a rank of Madness Enhancement herself. She finally gave in to the angry voice inside her head.

Okay, that's it. No more Miss Nice Emiya.

"Can I kill him?" she asked the Master of Lancer.

"Not if I kill him first," the latter immediately rejected selfishly.

"I'm sorry, let me rephrase myself. Can we kill him?"

"When you put it that way, then yes, we can."

"You know that even if you two work together, you couldn't beat my cold, dead body while it's tied to a rock?" Lancer snarked.

He's right, Kyouko seethed. Even the weakest Servant is much stronger than the strongest human. Even if I stab his shadow with my Black Key to pin him in place, I'm not sure I can kill him.

Maybe I can persuade his Master to spend a Command Seal and order him to kill himself? I could find out how to transfer one of my Seals - not the ones Grandpa entrusted to me - to her as payment if it came to that.

...No. That will never happen. No matter how much Lancer harasses her, she'd never sacrifice him unless he truly threatened her life.

Besides, killing Lancer that way is too easy. Lancer is an enemy of all womankind. He must suffer.

The genes she inherited from her father roused from dormancy. Bad blood flowed through her body. A small voice in the rearmost recesses of her mind came from the forked tongue of the serpent in the tree of knowledge.

Oh. I know what I should do. I'll give them what they want.

Kyouko schooled her flushed face into a thin veneer of false calm. She turned to Lancer's Master and smiled mirthlessly.

"I haven't summoned a Servant yet," she revealed. "Would you mind letting me summon one so I can order him or her to kill Lancer?"

You want a fight with a strong Servant, Lancer? I'll give you one~

"That's uncalled for," Lancer pointed out.

"I'll do you one better," his Master immediately replied. "I'll help you summon that Servant."

"That's uncalled for!"

Lancer's louder repeat went unheard as Kyouko and his Master shook hands on the deal.

"Nice to work with you-"

"My name is Bazett Fraga McRemitz," the woman introduced herself.

"-McRemitz-san. I'm Kyouko-"

I can't mention Kotomine or Emiya. Both names are infamous in the world of magecraft. I need McRemitz-san to trust me.

"-Sakura," she finished.

Thank you, Mom. You protect me to this day.

"Good to meet you, Sakura-san." Bazett smiled back. "Now, let's go get you a Servant who can kill Lancer."

"Thank you, McRemitz-san."

"Women are still scary in this era," Lancer muttered in resignation as he tagged after the scheming redheads.

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to be continued / itutuloy / つづく