Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Elder Scroll Series.
Chapter 21: Reality
Gareth
The reality of any situation is that no one can see death coming. No common person can anyways. Clerics and few priests are ever gifted with the double edged sword of insight into those matters. It can be a blessing or a curse. A blessing to try and save others, and yet a curse for the sheer utilization that lords, emperors and darker denizens will hunt you for. The power to see one's death is sought after by most, especially in times of war.
This war however, had been locked away in the back of my mind for nearly a decade. As a young man preparing myself for the path of the divine I had been given the opportunity to see my own fate. It was a tradition amongst the priests and monks that resided within the priory, readying the young minds of the men and women who would live a life dedicated to the nine. In my young mind I had seen it as a motivator, to do as much good as I possibly could before leaving this world. In my matured state of mind, holding the blood soaked note, I realized it was a fear factor. Let the future Holy warriors see their own demise, so that they are less likely to stray from the path that leads them from oblivion.
My death had been revealed to me once, an honorable end protecting someone close to me. The dark brotherhood would claim my soul in the name of Sithis, but it would be a dagger meant for someone else. I had been assured that with good deeds Sithis could not hold power over my soul, and that I would escape the void and be embraced by the Divines. I could almost taste the bile that rose in my throat as I realized who their next dagger would be for.
I turned toward Mahrig, cloaking my grimm expression by shifting the torch light away from me. Mahrig's eyes scanned the note, as my own scanned her expression. She was oblivious to the thoughts that darted around my mind. I lowered the note and looked down to the poor man who had been targeted as the messenger of doom. It was either a coincidence and a contract had been put out on him, or they had randomly chosen the lad. The thought of either option made my stomach churn as I was sure Mahrig's was doing at the moment as well.
"We need to find out who he is." Mahrig whispered slowly as she knelt down to try and get a better look at his face. He looked to be a lad in his prime, probably not much older than myself.
"We should start by scouting this rundown shack. By the look of his rags I would say this is probably where he stayed." I motioned toward a hole in the shack wall where a door might have been at one point. The roof had collapsed in on one side, and a corner looked as if maybe a fire had broken out that had been stopped. It was no place for a man to live, but probably better than sleeping out in the elements constantly. I concluded that the man who had been murdered was probably a beggar within Ivarstead.
Mahrig quickly rummaged through a small sack that occupied a corner that also contained a ragged worn bedroll. I watched all the shadows, anxiously awaiting something to appear. My senses were on edge with Mahrig near the scene that was meant as a warning for her. She didn't seem as bothered by the note as I had been. Mahrig was trying to find out who this man was, so that she could no doubt put him to rest and notify the townspeople of the tragedy. That was Mahrig, always putting others before herself.
"Narfi…" Mahrig murmured as she slowly traced her fingers over the barely legible writing of a torn journal page she had produced from the sack.
The innkeeper later informed us that Narfi had been ill since he could remember. Narfi's parents had died when he was only a child, and his older sister had cared for him since then. Narfi's sister had disappeared a few months back leaving Narfi to fend for himself. Rumor had it that she met a merchant and fell in love, leaving her responsibilities and obligations to Narfi behind. A few other mournful faces in the tavern surmised that his sister had been killed or lost while hunting for her alchemy ingredients out in the dangerous wilds of the Rift.
We laid him to rest against the mountain near the falls not far from his family's home. I felt content with the location of his burial. Kynareth's waters flowed true purifying the fowl deeds that had been committed nearby. The villagers stopped in the distance to glance in our way from across the river. I watched their torches come to a halt for a while before continuing on their way to their homes as the night sky came into full bloom.
The moon illuminated the dark clouds that began to creep over Kynareth's mountain above us. I hadn't noticed the change in the weather until the slight rumbling of thunder could be heard. Back at camp Mahrig sat up a small cover made from a few large branches to shield our fire from the impending rain.
Krahmer and Theo had decided to stay in the inn. Krahmer seemed to be a bit under the weather, and Theo was just Theo. He loved ogling the tavern women when he wasn't trying his luck with Mahrig.
I still refused to let my guard down. I half wanted to convince Mahrig that we too should consider staying at the inn, but I knew Mahrig would insist on me staying in the inn and her staying right here. I dismissed the thought and continued to scan the shadows around us. Surely the dark brotherhood wouldn't dare strike so soon after delivering the warning. Our alert level would be too high, or maybe they knew that is what we would expect. The risk was too great.
Mahrig noticed my disheveled demeanor, and jumpy mood.
"Who would put out a contract on your head?" Mahrig's words caught me off guard.
"I doubt it was for me." I replied. Mahrig shrugged and poked the fire.
"You were the only one able to detect it that fast. I can't think of anyone else it would have been meant for." She glanced up at me with fear in her eyes. I wanted to soothe her, and make her not worry so much, but in doing so I ran the risk of her letting her guard down.
"Mahrig, I don't want to frighten you, but you are the Dragonborn. I could think of a few factions of people that may want to see your demise." Mahrig turned her gaze back toward the fire and continued to stoke the flame so that the embers could breathe.
"What use is there in being a legend who saves people if it only gets others killed?" She glanced toward the direction across the river where Narfi was laid to rest.
"That was no one person's fault Mahrig. Not yours at least. My instinct tells me that someone in the village was responsible for that outcome, the Dark Brotherhood took advantage of a convenient moment. Narfi wasn't in his right mind, meaning he could have made someone uncomfortable. Maybe even someone who just wanted to expand their own land. There are so many more explanations than to just grab your attention." Mahrig's eyes lowered away from the flames and rested on her hand as I spoke.
"You can't save everyone, and you can't blame yourself when you aren't able to." My words were true, in fact and opinion, as if the Gods had guided my tongue.
Mahrig's form went sluggish as she collapsed into her own turmoil. She had heard my words, but I doubted she had accepted their meaning as a resolve. I shifted my weight toward her, and brought my hand up ready to touch her own hand that was now grasping her robe on her lap and that's when it happened. Her broken form sprung to life and lunged her body colliding with my own. The sudden motion almost caused me to topple over with her on impact, but I held my ground as her form finally settled into my lap. She went limp in my arms and began sobbing into my chest, the white cotton shirt I wore caught her tears and ragged breaths.
"Why me?" She sobbed in repetition. I couldn't help but to feel bad for putting so much fear into her. I had voiced my opinion, my thoughts, of the Brotherhood's intended target, and now she was terrified, or so I thought.
It took awhile for Mahrig to calm down enough to voice anything other than her inaudible sobs. However, when she did I was slightly shocked as the revelation of her outburst hit me.
"Why did the God's choose me to be Dragonborn? Why did they not choose someone more capable than I?" Her breathing had become eerily calm as she continued to cling to my chest. She had not been crying out of fear of the Dark Brotherhood. The more I logically assessed her situation the more sense it made that her fear wasn't based on someone pursuing her. She was used to that kind of thing. She was broken by the knowledge that the God's had placed so much responsibility on her that she feared she was unable to handle. I could empathize with her to a certain point. It was my duty to help others, but in no way had I ever been chosen to save the world. My deeds could help change the world one person at a time, but this little woman I held in my arms was supposed to save the world from Dragons?
"They wouldn't have chosen you if you weren't worthy of it. You were born with the blood of Dragons coursing through your veins. You were chosen from an unfathomable amount of souls to be gifted the blood. The choice of how to use it is your own." My words were clearly guided, and deep in my chest I felt the pain of knowing my place in Mahrig's life was clearly to help keep her on the path to her destiny. I hated myself for guiding this woman to an unknown fate, this woman I cared so deeply for, even in ways that I shouldn't.
I'm not sure if it was Mahrig's uncertainty that caused me to question my own path, but my next words even shocked her.
"We could disappear. We can leave Skyrim, maybe even pick up where your mother left off in an attempt to restore Morrowind. I'll go wherever you wish me to go. I'll follow you to the end of Nirn. You don't have to do any of this just yet, or ever if you don't wish it." My blood heated as I for once felt anger toward the God's. I could understand her fear, and someone as pure and caring as Mahrig shouldn't have had to fear not being good enough. I had already tasted losing her a few times, and holding Mahrig in my arms reassured my urgency to not lose her.
I heard a caustic laugh escape Mahrig before she spoke.
"I must really look and sound pitiful right now for you to say such things." She tried to pull away from me, her melancholy written all over her face. I tightened my grip only slightly keeping her in place.
"I mean it Mahrig. I meant every word I have spoken." I didn't dare look down at her. I only continued my grip on her to reinsure the urgency in my voice. I could sense my selfishness in my actions and words. The God's would not allow me to stay blind to such greed. In truth I was very greedy with Mahrig. She was the one person I had allowed myself to grow so closely to, and I didn't want to let her go. I couldn't let her go. I also couldn't tell her how I felt in fear of losing her, because losing her would mean losing myself. I couldn't face what life had been like before Mahrig again. I didn't even feel like I had been living before her, and I was still shook by how one woman could bring such change in me. It wasn't Mahrig who made me defy the God's wishes, it was me. It was however my feelings for her that led me to suggest such a thing. I could very well lose her in this battle to the dragons. I could die by the hand of the dark brotherhood on this path, and leave her to fend for herself in this world. Sure she had Theo and Krahmer, but I couldn't be certain that they could protect her the way I could. The path we were currently on was leading us to the dreaded end. I wasn't ready to let this feeling I had around Mahrig go.
I lightly brushed the dampened strands of hair away from her cheek. I caught her eyes and sighed as I gazed into the blue depths that made me feel more than just duty to the God's.
"You can be a normal woman, or the Dragonborn, maybe even both. I only wish for you to know that I will stay by your side in whatever path you choose." I softly stroked her cheek as she leaned into my touch almost cooing as her eyes closed, taking in the sensation from the contact.
"You, you are one of the reasons I can't give up being Dragonborn. I want to protect you as well Gareth." Mahrig lightly clasped my hand that stroked her cheek and turned her lips to place a soft kiss on my palm.
"So I guess our first plan of action will be to take out the Dark Brotherhood once and for all." A dark feeling crept into my warm intoxication that Mahrig's lips on my palm had filled me with. My grip on her slightly tightened at what this meant. I couldn't possibly tell Mahrig about what the Cleric had revealed to me many years ago. She would only leave me behind and deal with them on her own like the foolhardy person she had become.
Her gaze found mine with concern on my suddenly darkened mood. I could feel my brow furrow even deeper as I tried to hide my discomfort. Mahrig was no fool though, but instead of calling me out in my sudden change, she chose to comfort me with an embrace.
We sat there, Mahrig's arms still around me, until I heard soft snores escape her slightly parted lips. I had noticed her weight had shifted, and her body relax about half an hour before I decided to take her to her bedroll. I would get no sleep that night, I had decided. I needed to watch over her. The rain was another factor that helped me decide to move ourselves into the tent. A light drizzle began to fall, and even though we had made camp under a huge tree near the river, the precipitation founds its way to us through the canopy of leaves.
I tried to move slowly, but efficiently enough to not harm or wake Mahrig. The tent was only illuminated by the outside fire through the open flaps. With the sound of thunder growing closer I foreshadowed the fire only had a few minutes before it would be vanquished.
I checked Mahrig's collar to make sure that she was clothed properly underneath her robe. I unbuckled the belt that she fastened around the robe. It contained small vials of potions and a few purses that held coin and small ingredients, laying it to the side. I pulled her robe off slowly to reveal a light purple cotton dress that had once been white. It was a dress I had purchased to replace her old one that had been torn and stained from our adventures. At the time Theo had been put off by the idea that I had beat him to obtaining her new attire first. In lieu he decided to take it upon himself to dye the dress a color more suited for "his flower."
After I was certain Mahrig would be comfortable while she slept, I gently draped a fur over her to keep the chill the storm brought away. I sat back getting a good view of the entrance to the tent, and forced myself to stay awake. My mind wandered for a while. Mostly of Mahrig, and partly of my new feelings that were recently evoked toward the Gods. The life I lead as a Paladin was a crutch, it was plain to see. I did sincerely mean the good deeds I had accomplished, but in truth I had been running from my past for way too long. I had made decisions for my future out of fear and regret, but deep down I was grateful and sorrowful. It was bittersweet being with Mahrig. It was all too clear that I had grown to love her, and yet could not show it because of my vows. Yet, it was my vows and duty as a Paladin that led me to her in the first place. The irony of the situation made me feel almost sick. Mahrig was so close, and yet I couldn't touch her the way I yearned to.
I heard a small choking noise followed by a whimper. Mahrig's hand gripped the fur I had thrown over her. She was becoming restless in her sleep, a bad dream perhaps or maybe even aches and sore muscles catching up with her because of the storm. Whatever the reason had been was enough to cause me to want to comfort her. I laid my hand on top of her shaky form and sent an Aura of soothing across her body. When I was sure she had been soothed, I instinctively flicked a small healing spell into her frame as well. The golden hue that filled the tent from my spell was bright enough for me to catch a glimpse of light reflected in Mahrig's eyes. I was slightly embarrassed that I had been caught healing her without permission. I pulled my hand away once I was finished and tried to sit back against the other side of the tent, but Mahrig's voice halted me.
"Lay with me?" There it was. The words that brought the scoundrel from deep within my conscience. I knew what she had meant, but my mind thought of many more things than just innocently laying with her. I hesitated for a moment, my breathing even halted. The light outside from the fire was barely enough to see Mahrig's brow furrow a bit.
"I'm sorry, I was too forward with you." She turned over and huddled herself in the fur.
I hadn't meant to imply with my silence that she had offended me, or caught me off guard. In fact it was I that had offended Mahrig's honor without her even realizing it. I had hurt her feelings unwillingly and I wanted to remedy the situation. Without further hesitation I removed my shoes, and laid down beside her. I had to calm my breathing. The nerves in my stomach and in my mind were on edge, but for different reasons other than there could be a dark brotherhood agent lurking about. The woman I secretly loved had asked me to lay with her, most likely out of the need for just knowledge that someone was there with her so that she wouldn't feel alone. I laid still, not sure how comfortable Mahrig would be with me so close, even though she had requested it.
I felt her weight shift enough for her to turn her head in my direction. I could see the hint of a smile on her lips with the last of the fire's embers quickly smoldering outside.
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable Gareth, it was a stupid request." Her smile I finally realized was inner defeat. She felt pitiful for making such a request from me. I didn't want her to feel that way. I gently grabbed her hip, to turn her body toward mine, pulling her to me. Her face rested below my chin, and I could feel her breath halt on my neck.
"I want to Mahrig. It wasn't a stupid request. You shouldn't doubt yourself." I sighed and squeezed her form against mine. I could almost feel the slight hum she gave off in satisfaction.
"Thank you Gareth." My heart rate was finally slowing, and I could only hope that Mahrig couldn't sense my pulse through my neck. Being so near to her was intimate for me. I would have stopped time If I were able to. For all I knew it would be the first and last time I would be able to hold Mahrig like that.
Mahrig
This wasn't a dream, like it had been so many times before. Call it foolish of me, or simply childish, but my body felt completely alive laying so close to him. His strong arms wrapped around me was all that I could feel other than my own heartbeat. This man, my Paladin Gareth, was holding me. I had sensed his hesitation at first, but it felt different. I could tell he wanted to hold me, but something was holding him back. I instantly felt belittled for making such a request of him. I knew the boundaries were thick, and here I was pushing the limit and trying to cross the lines. It was selfish, but I needed him. I wanted him. The woman inside of me wanted so much more, but I wouldn't allow her the chance to sully her Paladin. It was not his way. It wasn't as if I hadn't read about the things men and women do, I knew very thoroughly the actions shared between men and women in more intimate situations. I personally had never been involved with anyone, much less attracted to anyone. That is until Gareth. He had been the only man to wake up the woman that laid dormant inside of me. His body somehow communicated with mine, causing my limbs to feel weak, and other parts to feel warm and livid.
Gareth's body had finally relaxed, enough so that I was sure he had fallen asleep. I glanced up to try and make out his features. They were only visible momentarily when the lightning outside would flash. I could make out the shape of his chin, and the next flash his lips. His soft lips in which I now trailed with my finger tips. This beautiful man created by the God's would never be mine the way I wished him to be. The more I thought of him living a life alone, without someone to love, the more something within my own chest stung. He had a life before he became a Paladin, one that had sounded less than ideal to anyone, but had he ever loved anyone? Was there ever someone in his life that made him feel the way I felt about him? I had thought about it many times, but never found the courage to ask such personal questions. So many horrible things would be brought up about his past that I didn't want him to relive by telling me of. I know something disastrous must have happened, the level of distress he sometimes experienced while he slept lead me to believe that.
I wanted to find a way to erase every bad thing that had ever happened to him. I wasn't sure what all of it was, but I was sure that no person should have to experience something so traumatic that it pushes them into a life of giving up everything the mortal world has to offer as happiness. Deep down I wanted him to know that he was loved. I loved him very much as a friend and companion, but I also loved him as a man. I stroked his cheek as softly as possible. It wasn't often that I was afforded such opportunities to touch him. My chest was full, the feelings within wanted to overflow with each stroke my finger placed on his cheek. His scent was intoxicating. He smelled as if he belonged to the surrounding land, but there was also a sweet smell that I could not place. Maybe it was a soap he had recently used. I leaned in a bit further until the tip of my nose was touch his neck and lightly inhaled. Honey, he smelled like honey. I inwardly giggled at the thought of my big strong Paladin bathing with a scent as simple and sweet as Honey.
I mentally had to chide and coax myself to pull away from his neck. If he were to wake up he would think me to have gone insane sniffing him like a dog. The lightning kept sending images of Gareth's face to my vision. He seemed so much younger when he slept. He was only in his late twenties, but he almost seemed like a boy as he slept. I would never be able to show him how I felt about him, how much I appreciated all that he had done for me. It would be an impossible feat to expect anything from him. He couldn't possibly return my affections. I hurt with that knowledge. The stinging in my chest returned as I soaked up every image of Gareth's face that the lightning would afford me. I would never have a better chance than now to show him, even though he would not be aware. Someday in the afterlife he would look back on this moment and know how I felt, he would know that I never took his actions for granted. I didn't even have to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to do. Slowly I shifted my weight onto my elbow, and partially raised my body so that my face was slightly hovering over his. His arms were still around me, but more limp than they had initially been.
I gazed down at the beautiful man before me with each lightning strike. My pulse rose the closer I came to his lips with my own, but I didn't stop. I placed a soft kiss on his lips holding them together and letting every emotion this evoked sweep over me. He wouldn't be able to feel my gratitude, or even my love for him in this life, but maybe the God's would have mercy on him in the afterlife, and show him just how loved he truly was. The moment felt so innocent to me, although I knew I was crossing so many boundaries. He wasn't doing anything wrong, it was me. I was the one that forced the situation. Surely the God's would not punish him for my deeds. I kept my lips on his, inhaling his scent and letting my own senses become intune with him. I could feel the pulse in his lips, his breath...the tightening of his arms around me.
The shock of realizing he was moving caused my eyes to burst open. Gareth was awake, and now returning the kiss. Panic flushed every inch of my body as I realized I had been caught. This was reality, a reality where Gareth didn't push me away, but instead pulled me closer and even deepened the kiss. I pulled away momentarily to catch my breath.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, please forgive me." I blurted between breathes. The embarrassment was slowly creeping into my features and actions. My fingers now fumbled with the fur instead of stroking his cheek.
"Shhhh…" Was the only reply Gareth gave me before pulling me back into the kiss.
My heart was soaring, and yet so many things threatened to take away its flight. I didn't want to corrupt Gareth. He had already started speaking out to comfort me instead of letting me hear what the God's wanted me to hear. I didn't want to be the cause of Gareth losing himself, losing credibility for all that he had done. I half thought him to be sleep walking and returning the kiss only out of unconscious delusion. My name however kept slipping from his lips in small moans until he rolled me onto my back where he gazed down at me. We were now in reverse positions than we had been when I had decided to steal a kiss. My breathing was ragged, but his seemed so calm, almost like he was unaffected, in a trance even. He pulled himself upward, and left my bedroll feeling awfully bare in the moment. I saw his arm snake out and grab the leather strip that secured the tent flap. The rain was starting to blow in the entrance until Gareth secured the flap to the small stake that protruded from the ground. I wiggled in my embarrassment as I expected him to sit up and distance himself from me. I squeezed my eyes shut, disciplining myself inwardly and accusing myself of being the fool. Gareth however, returned to my bedroll.
I could have sworn the heat in his body had increased by a few degrees in the small amount of time he had been absent from my touch. He still seemed so calm, and even experienced as his lips found my own again. He moved his body skillfully between my legs but stayed upright resting on his knees. I felt his hands grasp my back pulling me in an upright position to straddle his lap. Pulling me tightly against his own body he buried his face in my neck, unleashing a horde of kisses that sent sparks across the surface of my skin. Visible sparks surprisingly. Not the pale blue or bright white that lightning gives off, but a golden web of sparks that seemingly traveled from Gareth's skin to my own. His Aura was now visible, a deep yellow, something he rarely revealed to anyone, and yet he was revealing it to me in this moment. I could make out his features in the dim light that his aura provided me with. The heat against my skin from his body was almost suffocating, but exhilarating at the same time. His eyes were half lidded as he brought his face from my neck and gazed into my own eyes. I could see so much emotion in them, pain, fear, love?
His kisses had sent a signal to my most personal areas. The ache within me was almost unbearable, but I wanted it. It wasn't an ache that I wanted to lose. It was my body responding to Gareth's. This was reality indeed. Not even a dream could produce such feelings and sensations. His eyes were asking my permission, a permission that I would give without hesitation. I found his lips as his fingers found the lace at the back of my dress. Gareth tilted me forward and leaned back slightly so that he could stretch his legs, and sat my body back down straddling his lap. The lace of my dress seemed to melt at his fingertips, coming unraveled rather quickly. I inhaled his scent once more before I felt the cotton dress slide from my shoulders as Gareth's hands guided the fabric down my body to rest in a pile at my waist. My torso was now bare, and Gareth's eyes slightly widened as he took in my form, naked before him in the pale light of his aura. The collar of his shirt was already loose, and before I decided against it I placed a trail of kisses along his collar bone until I reached the small of his neck. I felt his hand slide underneath my chin as he lifted my gaze to meet his own. His eyes were almost glowing, or maybe my vision of him was biased by the pure ecstacy of the moment. I searched his eyes for a moment longer, but couldn't find the regret I thought would be present within them.
"Is this not wrong?" I whispered breathlessly. A lump in my throat formed as I realized my mind was thinking of a way to convince him not to break his vows.
"Will the God's see this as wrong, what about your vows?" Gareth didn't answer. His only reply was laying my body gently backward against the bedroll which now seemed cool because of the lengthy absence of my body. Goosebumps formed on my skin as I watched Gareth remove his shirt, carefully tossing it aside. I could still feel the heat from his body where his skin made contact with my bare legs. The Yellow aura that engulfed him was slowly changing with hues of orange, almost as if he was bathed in a golden light. The aura showed no sign of a man who was breaking his vows. This comforted me in the knowledge that maybe I was somehow right. Maybe the God's wouldn't deny him of such a mortal happiness. Love was something worth living for, and its something he as a Paladin needed to serve the Divines and help people, strangers even. My mind didn't let me ponder on the subject very long, as the warmth of Gareth's hands grabbed the fabric from around my waist, sliding it down my legs where the dress soon joined his shirt on the ground beside us.
The undergarment I wore was less than desirable, and merely made of linen. Gareth's lips found my own again causing my breathing to hitch as I savored the taste of his lips. He pressed his body against mine, letting my own feel every muscle, curve, and scar. My hands found his back, and the many scars that littered the surface. I had seen him without his shirt on once before, but the memory was too painful to recall in a moment like this. I could see glimpses in my mind of the scars that littered his torso, but I had not seen the scars that were on his back. By the Gods, what happened to him? My mind couldn't fathom such a fate being given to my Paladin. Whatever tortures he had been through in life were permanently scarred into his flesh. I'm not certain if it was the rush of many different emotions at once, or the pain I felt for Gareth, but I began to cry.
Gareth instantly noticed the change in my mood and halted his movements. The fear I had glimpsed earlier in his eyes returned as he gazed down at me. He gently started to stroke my hair as he shifted his weight off of me to lay beside me.
"I'm sorry Mahrig, I didn't mean to push things too far for you." The panic in his voice was clear. I instantly shook my head, trying to exonerate his fears.
"No, I want this, I do. I'm only saddened by the scars your past has left on you. I can't understand how someone as amazing as you could go through such torture." Gareth's eyes softened as I spoke.
"You shouldn't worry about my past. All things done to me do not matter any longer." His voice was low, although I could still hear him over the rain that pelted against the tent.
"But I do worry. I worry so much about you every day. I can't help but to fear for someone I love." The words were out of my mouth before I realized they had even formed in my mind.
Gareth
Love, a gift from the Goddess Mara. The Goddess that had allowed me to taste Mahrig without regret. The Goddess that saw mercy on my wounded soul, and led me to that moment with the woman I loved. My vows were to the God's and Mara was one of them. Mara blessed me that night with the words that seemed to stumble out of Mahrig's lips. I wanted Mahrig in that moment more than I had ever before. I wanted to silence her fears with my lips and body once more, but I knew that going any further would only hurt Mahrig in the end. I couldn't let myself take her innocence knowing that my death was looming on the horizon. Not just as a Paladin, but as a man who loved her. I wouldn't rob her of something she could offer a future husband. I also couldn't tell her that was the reason I instantly distanced myself. Touching her, feeling her, even seeing her would cause me to break and give into Mara's Passion. I would deny myself the one thing I had come to long for, even with the Goddesses permission. I wouldn't make love to Mahrig that night. I could feel Mara's hand trying to guide me back to Mahrig. It almost made me feel sick knowing the Goddess knew of my fate to come. Mara would give Mahrig to me, and then take me away from her. I grabbed my shirt and slipped it back over my head.
The panic in Mahrig's eyes was clear, but I couldn't find any words that would take it away. I had to leave. I needed fresh air.
"Gareth wait!" Mahrig grabbed her dress as I opened the flap to the tent and headed out into the rain. I needed to distance myself quickly. I knew in a way I was being selfish for just leaving like that. There was no telling what thoughts and fears Mahrig's mind had presented her with. Afterall, I had foolishly darted after her admitting her love for me. I wanted to explain to her that it was nothing she said or done, but my mind kept telling me to distance myself from her. I couldn't think clearly with her in such a state of beautiful glory, and Mara aiding my passion. The rain was pelting down soaking me no sooner than I had left the tent. I sprinted my way past a few fences until I found a small wooden bridge that lead across the river. I could see a small cave entrance into the mountain on the other side as lightning guided my sense of vision in the low lit surroundings. Most torches that lined the streets and the bridge were now put out by the onslaught of rain. The water from the river was rapidly rising, and lapping over the surface of the boards of the bridge under my feet. The rainfall from upstream must have been heavy compared to the rain we were currently receiving.
I sat at the entrance to the cave that sheltered me from the outside elements. I watched as the lightning struck the valley below the falls, leaving chaos in its wake. It was much how I felt in the moment. I loved Mahrig, but my death would only hurt her, even more so if I had decided to bed her. It was selfish of me, and I only wished that Mara could sense my worries and subside the storm that was currently raging in my heart. I instantly regretted ever letting the cleric show me my future, but at the same time I was thankful that I could avert the damage it could have possibly caused Mahrig. Mahrig was pure, and needed to stay that way until she could find someone to love her as much, if not more than I did. I so badly wanted to be that guy, but death wouldn't allow it.
I slammed my hand into the cave wall and blasphemed everything that I had fought so hard to accomplish. It was a cruel twist of fate I realized. I had helped so many people in my life after been given a twisted hand in my childhood. I finally had the chance to experience love, real love, and not the forceful lust that had taunted me in nightmares and memory alike. I wouldn't allow myself to experience it in fear for how it would affect Mahrig.
I caught sight of the blue glow travelling toward the bridge I had crossed earlier. The storm was beginning to pick up, and the river water was now cascading across the bridge. Mahrig had no doubt followed me and pursued once she had redressed. I knew the lace of her dress would take time and skill to redo and that was what had given me time to make my escape.
"Gareth!" I heard her shout just barely over the wind and rain. The glow of her light was barely visible through the downpour, but I could tell she was preparing to cross the bridge.
"No, it's too dangerous!" I tried yelling through the sound of the thunder that conveyed my forced shout. I darted toward the bridge. The water was already to my ankles before I even arrived at the first plank that was now submerged. The only thing visible of the bridge was the rickety rails that now swayed with the motion of the rushing water. I crossed the bridge quickly, praying that Mahrig would not be foolish enough to attempt what I had just done.
By the God's graces the bridge held through my crossing, but arriving at the other side presented me with an image I had not expected. I could no longer see the blue light Mahrig had cast to see in the dark. I no longer heard her calls either. I searched the area where I had last seen her light. It was hard to make anything out in the mud. The ground had clearly been travelled, especially by more than one person recently. My mind started to calm, convincing myself that Theo or Krahmer had come to check on her during the storm and realized she was gone. The thought of them taking her back to safety soothed me until lightning illuminated my surroundings and something caught my eye. Something shiny was protruding from the mud. Another strike of lightning revealed the crimson water that was quickly fading into streams. Panic instantly filled my being. How could I have been so naive?
I pulled the dagger from the ground where Mahrig had previously been, blood soaked the leather handle and stained my hands along with a soggy note that was tied to the hilt. I panicked looking around as the lightning continued to illuminate my surroundings momentarily. There was no sign of anyone. I took off in a dead sprint with the dagger and note in my hand. I passed where our tent was and headed straight for the inn. I burst through the doors making the late night drunks rouse from their drunken slumbers on the tables and floor. I quickly, but carefully unfolded the soaked parchment and tried my best to read the bleeding ink. I could barely make out the three letter sentence that formed a question.
Hide and Seek?
My fear that I thought had arrived at the threshold boiled over. It was clear to me now what happened. The dark brotherhood. There was only one agent that I had heard rumors about that would be childish enough to refer to child's play as a threat or challenge. Babbette, the Unchild. I had heard rumors and talk of her before. One of the brotherhood's most well respected members, if you could call it respect.
Babbette was known for taking a liking to contracts that involved older men with a taste for children. If I were a regular man I would probably applaud such a resolve, but the Dark Brotherhood was evil nonetheless, and dealing with evil by committing evil was no better.
Krahmer and Theo presented themselves from the same room surprisingly. Krahmer looked as if he had just woken up, but Theo had seemingly been awake already. Their attention was gained by the note in my hand and the dagger in the other. Theo hastened his steps toward me with a look of worry sprouting across his features.
"Where in the hell is Mahrig?!" Theo snapped as he grabbed the note, nearly shredding it in its fragile state.
I couldn't find my voice, I could only stare at Krahmer pleadingly.