Losing Faith

Chapter 7

Ahsoka was tossing and turning in her bed. She couldn't fall asleep, and when she finally did, it didn't last long. She looked at her chronometer. 3:46 AM. She grumbled again. This wasn't working. She then proceeded to kick the blankets off of her body. "Maybe going for a short walk would help." she thought. Her stomach made some strange noises. "Or getting something to eat." She got up from her bed and out the door, toward the mess hall.

She walked the hallways of the Resolute, passing a few patrolling clones, nothing out of the ordinary. She tried to keep her mind of the last mission, but there wasn't much else to think about. It had been a complete failure, and the losses where high. More than half of the men they had taken down to that planet, hadn't come back alive. Of the rest, nearly half was wounded, a lot of them heavily. Her mind was flooded with unpleasant memories of clones being torn apart by the orbital bombardment or by separatist battle-droids. She arrived at the mess hall, taking something to eat from the counter and sitting down in a corner. She noticed that her hands where trembling. "must be tired." Ahsoka thought. She felt terrible. She took a few bites from her sandwich, but, strangely enough, suddenly didn't feel like eating anymore. A sense of dread came over her. Suddenly, she almost threw her sandwich down and ran out of the mess hall.

-0-0-0-0-

Patrols had been boring, as usual. Rex hated these night patrols. They where to quiet, nothing usually happened. That left him alone with his thoughts, which was the last thing he wanted after missions. Especially the last one. The images of battle where easy to shake off if you had other things to focus on, but such a thing seemed impossible tonight. His mind wandered to past missions. Christophsis. Felucia. Umbara. He still had nightmares about Umbara from time to time. A lot of clones had missions that always stayed with them, for better or for worse. For captain Rex, that mission was Umbara.

Suddenly, something ran into him. He reached for his blaster, but stopped when he saw what had ran into him. An orange togruta that he knew all to well was lying at his feet. "You alright kid?" he asked. He looked her over. She didn't look well, and she was breathing heavily. He extended his arm, but the teenager didn't seem to want to move. He sighed. She definitely wasn't well. He grabbed her arm and lifted her to her feet. She stood, although a bit wobbly. Rex didn't let go. "Let's get you to general Skywalker's quarters." He said.

-0-0-0-0-

Anakin startled awake. For a moment, he couldn't identify why, but then he felt it. A surge of panic and confusion was coming from the force. More specifically from his padawan. When he realized that, he sprung into action. Quickly, he put a shirt and a pair of pants on, put his lightsaber in his belt, and stepped out of his quarters.

As he focused on the force, he tried to locate Ahsoka. He didn't have to do that for long, as at that moment captain Rex rounded the corner, half guiding, half dragging Ahsoka along. She looked terrible. She was breathing short, jagged breaths. Her entire body was sweating and she was trembling all over. Their bond was flooded with emotions, panic was the most prominent among them. Her eyes couldn't focus on anything. He quickly approached them. "Ahsoka?" he asked. She didn't answer, didn't even seem to acknowledge his presence in any way.

"I found her wandering the halls, sir." Rex said. "She ran into me and didn't seem alright, so I brought her here."

"Thank you" Anakin responded. "go get Kix, he'll know what to do."

"Yes sir!" Rex said, and then ran off to the med-bay.

"Ahsoka?" Anakin asked, again. "are you alright?"

Ahsoka didn't respond. Anakin felt her through the force. Her mental shields where completely crumpled, so it was easy to see what was going on in her head. Images of dying clones, destruction and death flashed through her mind. "Oh force, she's reliving the mission in her head." He pulled her back to his quarters, hoping that the familiar surroundings would comfort her. He sat her down on the bed and sat beside her, pulling her into a comforting embrace. "Ahsoka! You're safe!" he tried to flood the bond with warmth and comfort, but her emotions easily overpowered his.

Kix, the clone medic, stepped inside the quarters. What's going on with the commander, general? He asked. He quickly observed the situation, coming up with a few different diagnoses.

"She's..." Anakin's speech faltered for a moment. "She's going through the last mission, in her head."

This left Kix with one plausible explanation. "I'm afraid she's having a panic attack, sir."

Anakin's breath stopped for a moment. "She's never shown anything that would indicate... This" he said.

"With all due respect, sir," Kix started. "She is 16. And she's been fighting in this war since she was 14. I'm honestly surprised that such a thing didn't happen earlier."

His words hit him like a freight train. He kind of forgot that she was 16. Not literally, of course, but it's hard to notice when that person in swinging around two deadly sabers. But now, as he looked down on the trembling body that was his padawan, he realized that she was far to young. Guilt washed over him. "I should've realized far sooner." He then turned his attention back to the problem at hand. "How can I help her?" he asked.

"Try to get her to focus on something else." He responded. "We have to try to calm her mind."

"Alright, let's get her to focus on me" Anakin responded. Determination filled his mind. He then put his hand to the side of her head, forcing her to look at him. "Ahsoka!" he said. "You're safe! Snap out of it!" he flooded their bond with his compassion. It seemed to have some effect.

"Physical contact also helps a lot" Kix said.

"Alright" Anakin said, as he pulled the shivering teenager close to him, still flooding the bond with compassion and warmth.

The embrace finally did the trick. Ahsoka's eyes regained some focus as her mind calmed slightly. "You're safe" Anakin said. "You're going to be just fine"

Ahsoka's eyes filled with tears as she embraced her master and cried. Anakin simply held her close, stroking her back in a comforting manner.

They sat like that, for a while. Anakin, sitting down on the bed, holding the shivering teenager in his arms as she buried her head in his chest.

After a minute or so, Kix spoke up. "Is there anyone that would help her feel better? Having a friend or something here would help her."

Anakin thought for a moment. "Barriss and Ahsoka are good friends" he then said. "she'd probably be able to... Give some comfort."

"I'll get her right away, sir!" Kix said. He then walked out the door.

-0-0-0-0-

Barriss woke up due to a knock at her door. She looked at her chrono. 4:10 AM. "Who would need me at this ungodly hour?" she thought. Yet, dutifully as always, she got up and opened the door.

A clone medic stood in front of her. She recognised him as Kix, one of the medics of the 501st. "What is it, trooper?" she asked.

"It's about commander Tano" Kix answered. "I'm afraid she's had a panic attack, and we were hoping that you could provide her with some... Comfort"

"Oh force" Barriss thought. "This is all my fault. I never should've broken down as I did." She then spoke up. "Where is she now?"

"In general Skywalker's quarters" he replied. "I'll lead the way."

All the command quarters where in the same hallway, so it wasn't a long walk. Soon enough, they opened the door and looked inside.

Barriss saw what was going on. Ahsoka had managed to calm down slightly, but it was obvious that she wasn't well.

"I'm afraid I have to return to the med-bay" Kix said. "Is there anything that needs to be done?"

"Some sleeping pills would probably be helpful" Anakin spoke.

"Right away, sir" Kix responded. He then walked out the door, back to the med-bay.

"How is she?" Barriss asked.

"Not well, as you can imagine" Anakin said. He sighed deeply. "Lets try to get her to sleep." He then turned to Ahsoka. "Lets get you to your quarters"

Ahsoka really didn't want to be alone. Her eyes widened in fear at the thought. She clutched her master tighter, which he noticed.

"Ahsoka? What is it?"

"I don't..." her voice was still trembling. "I don't want to be alone."

Anakin had suspected as much. "You can sleep in my quarters tonight, if you'd like." Ahsoka only nodded. Anakin then stood up, releasing Ahsoka. "You get yourself comfortable, I'll be right back." He then stepped outside of his quarters, beckoning Barriss to follow him.

Barriss was somewhat nervous. "What would master Skywalker want to talk about?" she thought.

Anakin spoke up. "Ahsoka told me you two... Had a conversation. She told me a few things about you."

Barriss eyes widened in fear. "Oh force, he's going to tell my master."

Anakin chuckled good-naturedly at her concern. "Don't worry, she promised me not to tell anyone." His face went serious again, which was a look that was hardly ever seen on his face. "Just know that this is not your fault. Don't beat yourself up." He smiled slightly. "Ahsoka would blame herself if you..." they both knew what he was talking about.

Barriss had been thinking about having to "punish herself", but saw the truth in Anakin's words. "I won't" she reassured him. "For her."

Anakin sighed. "I'd rather you didn't do it for your own sake, but this is a start I suppose. If there's anything else..."

"I'll be heading to my quarters now" Barriss said. "Goodbye" she then turned around and left.

Anakin entered his quarters again. Ahsoka was sat on the bed, hugging her knees, still shivering. "Hey snips" Anakin said. She looked up, and Anakin walked over to her. A clone had brought in a sleeping pill, which was sat on the night stand. A glass of water stood beside it. Anakin put his arm around her, guiding her toward the long side of the bed, half laying her down. He then offered her the pill and the glass of water. "here, this'll help you sleep" he said. Ahsoka took the pill, and drank the water.

As Anakin mover to get a mattress and make himself a bed on the floor, Ahsoka grabbed his arm. "Can you... Can you sleep next to me?" she was somewhat embarrassed, but really wanted Somone close to her. "Just for tonight."

Anakin looked at her. She was still scared, and terrified of being alone. Togruta where a social species after all. "Of course, snips" he said. He then lied down beside her, one arm around her waist in a comforting, protective manner. "Thanks" he heard her mumble, the sleeping pill taking effect. Her breaths steadied as she sunk into sleep.

Anakin looked at his teenage padawan. She looked so peaceful. So... Innocent. Like the war had never touched her. But that was far from the truth. "The council is going to get it tomorrow" Anakin promised himself. "They never should've sent someone so young into a warzone." Then, only after checking his padawan once more, he allowed himself to fall asleep. "I will never let anyone hurt her again."

A/N

And that's it for this chapter! Those of you who've read this story the first time probably know what is going to come in the next few chapters, so stay tuned for that. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, if you want to be notified of the next update make sure to follow the story. As always, tips, suggestions and reviews are greatly appreciated, and have a good day!

-ashnagog