6.

Magic and Memory

Ienzo dreamt again about that night.

It had once been vague in his memory, cauterized, but as he grew older, the magic revealed it to him, bit by bit.

The beautiful castle in Radiant Garden, Father. He'd just barely fallen asleep on a night like this one, one full of moonlight, to Father's soothing voice reading stories. He woke suddenly to a tang of magic aching within his own, and a different stink, a stink of smoke-

"Ienzo! Ienzo!" Even grasping at him, hauling up, but he was eight now, just a little bit too big to be easily carried-Even managed it anyway, stumbling.

"What happened?" he asked, gazed. "It smells like-"

A deafening bang. "There they go! It's him! He's got the girl!"

Even ran harder, sending out as harsh a wave of magic as he dared, but it weakened him-Ienzo reached out to lend him his energy, his strength. "Thank you, child," he muttered. "It's not much farther-" He squeezed Ienzo so hard it was difficult to breathe.

Aeleus's voice. "Even?"

"We have to go now, Aeleus, that fool is here and she has reinforcements. "

"I know. The whole west wing is up in flame. Broke through our wards-there must've been a rat."

"The west-but Ansem-did he-"

"It doesn't matter. You and Ienzo have to go ."

"What about you?"

"It is my duty to get you out safe-nothing more."

"What of Dilan? Where's he?"

"Enough questions- go ." Aeleus pressed a rough kiss to Ienzo's head. "Get him out safe-that's what matters."

Even ran, and ran, through basement pathways-eventually he set Ienzo down, and they ran together, breathless, clutching stitches, the smell of smoke getting worse and worse-

A smooth, gravelly, deep voice. "There you are."

Even threw an arm in front of him. "Xemnas? We have to get out of here, that fool Maleficent is-" Then, "the… wards. You-why?"

"Even, you know as well as I do that this system isn't working. This… oligarchy. People are dying, starving in the streets-you've no idea the hell Ansem has wrought over this land."

"You swore an oath." He scooped Ienzo up again. "Now let me through."

"Else?" The smell of smoke grew thicker, then Ienzo realized… it wasn't just smoke. Thick, dark creatures emerged from the shadows. "Give me the princess, Even. I promise no harm will come to her."

"Why should I believe another word coming from your filthy mouth? Ansem… he loved you, Xemnas, and you- betrayed us. Why?"

"Give me the princess."

Ienzo saw the creatures, their hungry gold eyes, their long sharp claws… he started to pull at his magic, remembering what Merlin had taught him.

"My father has big plans for her."

"I will kill her myself before I allow him to lay one finger on her. That fool. You were supposed to be different. You said you were, and Ansem believed you-"

Ienzo felt the coldness of a shard of ice against his throat.

"You're bluffing."

Even pressed the blade against him a little harder.

The man tapped his long fingers together.

"Better she die quickly than live a life suffering in the darkness." Even leaned in. "Now, child," he hissed.

Ienzo screamed and threw the magic with all his might, pulling from places deep within himself he'd always been encouraged to keep hidden, to keep under control. The magic exploded from him, piercing all of the Heartless, striking Xemnas in the chest-

Pain budded in his eyes, growing stronger and stronger as he cut through more Heartless.

"Enough, child, that's enough-"

The pain peaked.

"You have to stop ."

Everything was going dark, agony exploding from his right eye. "I can't."

"You can. You can. Listen to me. Child. Breathe, rein it in. We've got him. We've-" A strangled noise, and Even disappeared from view, and Xemnas's hands were wrapped around his throat-

Ienzo screamed and released more magic, and everything abruptly went dark.

He always hated that dream. His eyes were damp as he woke, slowly treading consciousness. He sat up and touched his right eye.

Xemnas had betrayed them at his father Xehanort's request, revealing all their weaknesses to the sorceress Maleficent, spilled darkness like ink all over Radiant Garden. They'd been running ever since. All the easier for Xehanort to slip in, to instill control… and Ansem's grip on the rest of the city-states collapsed completely. How on earth was a resistance going to be able to counter that? Then Maleficent ended up "mysteriously" dead, and Ienzo… was half blind. It remained a permanent warning of what would happen to him if he used too much magic. The energy alone will shred you, Even had told him. Literally.

It was ludicrously early, but he got up anyway, dressing slowly, his skin still so sensitive, achy, almost.

Zo! Good morning! Busy later?

Demyx.

Ienzo never thought he'd have come out of this with a… what, exactly? Boyfriend? Mate? Partner?

Even said there were ways to break this bond. But why should he? He'd never had anything to himself before, and besides, if Demyx could jam him, all the safer. But true… they may have made out for hours yesterday, but they barely knew each other.

He could fix that. Reveal his… truths.

Ienzo exhaled. One thing at a time.

He went to class. Eraqus's junior-level industrial/organizational psychology class was interesting, and then there was the class Demyx TA'ed. He hadn't been able to test out of art credits, and found himself glad. He wondered… this was all magic. He hadn't consciously chosen Demyx. Would he have, if he could? He'd never been allowed choices. Was it the magic suddenly finding attractiveness in those features, or his own budding sexuality? Did he have free will at all?

(Thinking of the electricity of that kiss, did it matter? Clearly his magic and body both thought they were things worth seeking.)

Ienzo suddenly wished dearly he had a friend to talk to about all this. All he had were Aeleus and Even; the former had been pulled away by his work, and the latter had been too enraged to speak to him this morning.

Ienzo wished for his father, thought of another sort of coming out-he'd only been seven or so, but knew it was truth down into the core of his being. Going to Ansem in his study. Asking him why he was a girl, receiving a lecture about biology, then stating point blank-"what if I were a boy?" Ansem had been confused, but then, "do you think you are?" And when he said yes, all Ansem did was smooth the dress Even had stuffed him in and say, "then we'd best get you more suitable clothing." It took more time for everyone to get used to calling him the proper pronouns, and even then, they kept the truth of his gender within the inner circle, to wait until he was older. Hence… Xehanort never knowing.

He thought of this as Demyx rounded him up after class, his expression so soft as he looked at Ienzo. "You ready?"

"Quite."

They made their way towards town. "Can I… hold your hand?" Demyx asked. "Or…"

"Perhaps… not just yet."

"Okay," he said, clearly disappointed. "So… Riku's got class then work until like 8, is my place okay? It's still warded and stuff."

Did Demyx think there would be more kissing? (Ienzo cursed the fact that the idea excited him.) "...Alright."

He smiled. "Great."

The inside of the small apartment smelled like garlic. "Ah-sorry," Demyx said quickly. "I was cooking yesterday and I completely forgot-"

"You like to cook?"

"Yeah, I'm told I'm not half bad at it," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's nice to-be good at something objective. Which music so totally isn't. I'd offer you some of what I made, but… Riku demolished it all after he went to the gym." A shrug.

"Are you two actually friends, or is it merely an arrangement that works?"

Demyx snorted. He pulled a bottle of juice out of the fridge. "Well-yes, and yes. Want some? I made it myself."

"...Sure." He was given a glass of something pinkish and cloudy. They sat on that same horrible couch. "I need to… know more about you. All of this is making me wonder-"

"If we even have free will?" Demyx winced. "Yeah. It's, uh, a conundrum."

"You've known about this bond longer than I-is it… genuine? That is to say-" He had no idea how to put any of this.

"I've tried dating," Demyx said. "Like, not to be a slut or anything, but I've dated a bunch of people, of all different genders. And it was fun, and nice, and sometimes I even liked them a whole lot, maybe loved them a little. All I know… this feels a lot… more intense than that." He bit his lip.

"But this bond. Is it… merely lust and infatuation, and that encourages more stable bonding? Or-"

Demyx let out a long breath. "My parents had this kind of relationship. But the long and short of it is… yeah. If we really… go through with it… if we… choose it, then… it's kind of a forever thing."

"What do you want?" Ienzo asked.

"I want… I want to be happy. And I think… this could help." He swallowed.

Ienzo squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "There are a few things you have to know about me, then," he said quietly.

"Like what?"

"Firstly… I'm transgender." The word felt odd in his mouth.

Demyx shrugged. "Okay. No big deal. I've been with-" Ienzo heard him catch himself. "It doesn't bother me, or anything. Why would it?"

His flushed worsened, and so did his anxiety. "So… I was once a girl. And my name… it was-"

Demyx raised a hand. "I don't need to know your deadname."

He felt his eyes watering. "In this case it is important." He tried to slow his breaths. "It was _."

Demyx blinked. Then he looked at Ienzo, really looked at him. "As in…" He sputtered. " Princess _? You're-"

"The prince. Yes."

There was just a moment of shocked silence. "Holy shit ," he said. "I mean-I'm sorry-ah-your highness-"

Ienzo scowled. "No. None of that bullshit." He exhaled. "I came here to try and have a normal life… while the resistance… tries to rally itself against Xehanort. To stay alive. "

Demyx went pale. "I kissed a prince. God, that is probably so-"

Ienzo exhaled. "For the record… I did like it. But- you won't-"

"Tell anyone? I'm not a fucking narc. I just can't believe-everyone thought that the… sorry, princess, is dead and shit."

"...Precisely. My transition is part of why I'm still alive."

Demyx tried to gather himself. "Ienzo. Listen, my… people, or whatever, have been hunted for fucking ever. I'm not going to turn you over-to anyone."

He believed it. "That is… a comfort."

Demyx touched his cheek. "Is that why I'm so drawn to you? Because you're uber powerful?"

"Quite possibly," Ienzo said. "Though… I feel it, too. For you to be able to block me… your power isn't insignificant."

"So what do we do?"

"I need to know more about seekers. ...And Riku. Whatever you know about your people. We can… see how this might be of use, to the resistance, or ourselves."

"Otherwise?"

"Otherwise…" Ienzo trailed off. "I want to… explore this further."

"Right," Demyx said softly. He leaned in and kissed him, and like the kisses before it seemed to wake up Ienzo's whole being. He couldn't help but respond, already feeling a gathering warmth in his belly. He felt Demyx's tongue against his lips and let it in, for a moment fascinated by the strange texture of it before Demyx was making him feel things he didn't think it was possible to feel, making him feel so utterly… turned on, aware suddenly he was sweating. All of him screamed I want. Demyx's hands wandered over him, exploring slowly, as if to savor it, and he was eased back onto the couch. Feeling their bodies pressed together-Demyx's hand slid down between his legs-

"No," he said softly. "No. Not yet."

Demyx pulled away. "I'm sorry, I… it just kind of happened-I should've asked-"

"It's okay." He sat up and neatened himself. His body screamed at him for refusing the touch. "I don't think I'm ready."

"You've never… done anything?"

"No. When would I have?"

Demyx shrugged. "We should probably try to… wait," he said. "On anything, anything."

"Until we know each other better? That's a good point."

"Because…" He whistled a little. "I mean. Sex kind of seals the deal. You know?"

"Consummation?"

"When you put it like that." He wrinkled his nose. "Once you… start having actual feelings , and then act on them, it-gets messy."

"...This is more complicated than I thought."

"Tell me about it." He drummed his fingers on his knees. "Tell me about you," he said. "Tell me everything."

Ienzo hesitated. He wanted to trust Demyx so badly. But yet… "What is there to tell," he murmured. He sighed.

"Not the… royal stuff. You . What you like to do."

Ienzo blinked. "We kind of touched upon this before. But I… like to read. I like to learn. I used to… write, once upon a time, very bad poetry. Growing up like me often made me… quite angsty." He wrinkled his nose. "I wrote about it-thankfully it's all long gone. But I don't need to write, the way I assume you need to create. If I read or learned, I could pretend… my isolation was voluntary." He flushed. "And this all sounds rather pathetic."

"Not pathetic , but it does suck." His eyes were so pitying. "You never… had any friends, or anything?"

"None that lasted-aside from my guardians. Though it seems you are something of a social butterfly."

Demyx shrugged. "Kinda comes with the territory," he muttered. "I don't, like, try to charm people. Or enchant them, or whatever. But like fucking everything I do, it's not conscious. It just makes me wonder-" He scoffed. "How many of my friends really like me, or are drawn to me because of what I am?"

"I have the opposite problem," Ienzo said, with a smile. "People hate me because of what I am."

Demyx smiled too. "It… doesn't exactly do wonders for my self-esteem. I wish I could turn it off. Part of me… almost has this fundamental fear that I'm unlovable, and the magic just convinces people otherwise."

Ienzo blinked. "Surprising, then, that you'd consider a pairbond."

He fiddled with the pendant. "I… know," he said. "It makes no sense. It's part of me. Part of my kind. That's even harder to resist. So I just tell myself it's a choice. And it is."

There was a moment where Ienzo was unsure of what to say. "So what is your kind?"

Demyx held the pendant up to the light. "Seeker is kind of a… misnomer, I guess you could say? The language is actually so fucking old. When we were first were created , or whatever, we were apparently put here to… protect."

Ienzo had a feeling he already knew. "Protect what?"

"Whatever we consider to be important, I guess," Demyx murmured. "That where everything gets weird. In the myths… nobody told us what our purpose was. So we just draw in everything until we… find that something." He exhaled. "I wish I were just human. I really do."

"You and me both. My kind apparently served as a liaison between the gods and man, hence my magic. But I can't hear them the way I can hear the earth. Who knows if this is all just stories?" He shook his head. "What if it's all something we made up to give ourselves clarity? And people are dying for such stories ?"

"Who knows," Demyx said softly.

"So your parents were also seekers. And you haven't heard from them since the islands fell?"

"Since I washed up on the beach," he said casually. "But that was before that. I was hoping to find them. Considering what I am… actually finding people isn't that easy. Maybe they're dead. I don't know. Almost makes me glad my memories are like swiss cheese. This stupid necklace is all I have from my past."

"They… are? Your memories?"

He blinked. "Yeah."

Ienzo put a hand under his chin. "Do you think perhaps someone… or something… deliberately cut off access to your other form, and manipulated where you ended up?"

He blew a raspberry. "I mean I guess."

"Can I see it?" Ienzo asked. "The pendant?"

"Uh… sure." Demyx leaned forward so Ienzo could touch it. It felt like glass, smooth and warm. Again, that rune. Ienzo was suddenly sure he'd seen it before… but where ?

"Could I… study it?" he asked.

Demyx furrowed his eyebrows. "I've never taken it off."

"Nothing ill will come of you if you do, right?"

"I don't think so, but-"

"Maybe I can help you find your memory. My guardian… knows a lot about such magic. Is that something you would want?"

Demyx held it in his palm. "You think this thing could be holding the memory back? Or-"

"I don't know."

After a long moment, Demyx reached up and pulled the necklace over his head. He still hesitated before he handed it to Ienzo. "Don't lose it," he said, almost desperately.

"I promise I won't." He considered it. The necklace was still glowing, though a bit less so than before. "Do you feel any different?"

Demyx shook his head.

"Let me know if you do at once." He slipped it into his pocket; it still remained warm. "I'll look into this right away."

"Do you think it'll help?"

"I hope it will."