YOU

A one shot drabble wherein a heartbroken, bitter Jacob ends things with Bella for good. It's some kind of scenario where they are older, but Bella still has not been turned.

The phone rings, jolting me out of bed. I turn over and rub my palm roughly over the stubble on my face. With a deep breath, I blindly reach for the offending device. I don't even need to look at the screen to know who it is. I know it's you.

You.

You do this to me too fucking often lately. Too many nights, blowing up my phone, showing up, demanding that I give you what you need.

And then you leave. And pretend I don't exist, while you're off living your fake little life.

With him.

I don't answer, so you text me.

I'm outside.

I suck my teeth and roll over. I'm not doing this shit with you tonight. I shouldn't.

I won't.

I've got work and extra patrol tomorrow and I'm tired. I deserve to rest since Sam and my boss insist on busting my ass these days.

Please, I'm sorry.

I need you.

Fuck.

I don't know why I'm getting up, why I'm opening my fucking door at 3:28 in the morning. I don't know why, because I know you're not sorry for shit.

You'll do this again. You always do.

And I let you.

Because I'm such a pussy.

"Hey, were you asleep?" You peer up at me with those big brown eyes, a slight tremble in your bottom lip. You always know how to break me down.

I scoff and shake my head, opening the door so that you can come inside where it's not freezing cold. You hate the cold.

Yet you choose to stay with him. He could never warm you up with his corpse.

You walk in and shrug off your black bubble jacket. Your presence, your scent, they fill up the entire space inside my shitty apartment, inside my shitty head.

"I'm sorry to just show up okay? But I just…I just needed to see you."

I snort again. "Right…and where's your bloodsucker?"

You bite your lip and give me those sad puppy eyes which I purposely avoid.

"He's on a business trip."

One of these days you'll have to tell me the truth about where he disappears to every week. It can't be for just hunting or business. You're here too often, in my bed, fucking me senseless, to be in love with him. For him to be in love with you.

What was the point of it all then? Huh? Of you fighting so hard for him, promising those fucking monsters that you'd become one of them because of HIS recklessness.

I don't know why you stay with him. I'll never understand the sick hold he has on you, the one that makes you completely disregard your own life and safety. I'm so sick of watching you become something and someone you're not. I'm sick of waiting for the day when you disappear for good.

I don't know why you're so hell bent on proving the world wrong when it's obvious that we're all right.

You don't belong with a vampire.

He will destroy the very essence of all the things that make you, You.

Fucking hell, I don't know why you're here.

Because you don't belong with a wolf either, do you?

I didn't imprint on you. You're not mine.

And clearly I don't REALLY have what you want or need…

Because you never stay anyway.

I've asked you so many times that I have sworn to myself that I will never beg you for anything again.

"Please, Jake, I need you."

I hate it when you whine.

When you fucking lie.

Clenching my jaw, restraining my wolf from reacting to the scent of your desire, I shake my head.

"You don't need me, you just want to be fucked. Why don't you go tell HIM what you really need? Let him please you for once? I thought you love him more."

You shake your head, and you look sad.

Eh, maybe disappointed.

In him, in me, in both of us.

"I told you…he's on a business trip. And he doesn't…you know that we can't…until…"

"Right. Whatever. I don't want to hear it. I don't even know why I bother to ask."

I go to the fridge and get myself some water. I offer you a bottle but you decline.

"Should I just go?" You ask, pointing towards the door.

"Why?"

"Because…you don't seem to want me here tonight."

I take a breath and flop myself on to the couch. I don't know what I should want anymore.

"It's never my choice."

"I'm sorry, Jake."

"Don't."

"But I mean it. You don't know how hard this is for me!"

I snigger and turn to get a good look at you. "For YOU?"

"Yes, you know how I feel about you, a-about both of you! I can't make a decision – I've tried! You're…" You growl in frustration and furiously tug on your hair – "You're my sun and Edward's my moon, and- and I - I just can't Jacob! Please! Don't make me choose. I need you both. He understands, I thought you did too."

Tears are flowing down your cheeks now, and your face is all red and splotchy. You seem lost, standing in the middle of the room like that.

"You've already chosen. You do it every time you go back to him."

You never stay.

"Jake I'm s-"

I hold up my palm to silence you.

"Sorry means that you know how much it hurts, and that you'll stop hurting me. But you're not sorry, and you're not going to stop hurting me. And I know that, cause I let you into my place at 3:28 in the morning, and I let you fill my space and my head with your scent and your needs. And where does it leave me? Huh? Where does it fucking leave me?"

You look like you're broken. Because I rarely ever say how I truly feel. Just because I fuck you whenever you show up here begging for it, somehow you think it doesn't hurt me to give away a piece of myself every time to get nothing in return.

"Jacob, please. I know, I know you deserve more! I know you deserve someone better. But you love me too don't you? We're, we're best friends, we can't be apart."

You grab on to my arm, practically begging with your eyes.

"You're going to leave me one day and never come back, so don't say that. When you become one of them, I won't be your best friend anymore."

"That's not true, we're different. The pack and the coven have gotten along."

"NO! We've TOLERATED them because of YOU!"

I wrench myself away from your tight grip, putting distance between us. I don't know whose heart is racing more, mine or yours.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. Because underneath my words, you know the last thing I ever want to do is make you cry. Unlike you, the thought of hurting my best friend, the woman I love, guts me like a fish.

I'm sorry for being honest, for not ending our friendship when you ran off to Italy.

I'm sorry for fighting so hard to make you listen.

I'm fucking sorry for everything.

For lying to you. For making you think that I'm okay with this. This fuckery.

For choosing you when you've never chosen me.

"We're done. Please don't come here anymore."

The words practically choke me, but I get them out. I look you in the eyes, and I don't take it back.

You stand there in shock, staring, your mouth hanging open. Suddenly, as if finally coming to your senses, you grab your jacket and you turn to the door, tripping on the toe of your boot. My wolf senses immediately compel me to reach out and catch you, but I don't.

This time, I will let you fall.

This time, I will let you feel the consequences of your actions, the choices you make when you play with my heart.

You don't look back, and I don't wait for you to.

This time, I won't let myself hope.

This time, I mean what I say.

This time I choose myself, instead of you.