Find a Way, a warrior nun fanfic

Disclaimer: I, by no means, claim to own anything remotely related to the Warrior Nun Universe. No copyright infringement intended.

After endless minutes of just sitting perfectly still, alone with her thoughts and heartache, Beatrice prays.

It feels like forever since she's clasped her hands together, closed her eyes, and asked her God for anything. Having their prayers stolen - it's one of those violations she can't quite put into words. Taking something so sacred and abusing it - she doesn't even want to think about it.

But now she prays, the portal sitting silent behind her, having just taken her love somewhere Beatrice will never be able to follow. She prays for Ava; for her safety and her health; for her joy and her freedom. She prays for her other sister warriors, depleted in numbers as they are, continuing to stand and be counted. She prays for the world; prays for their good sense and their salvation.

Then she prays for herself.

Beatrice asks for peace. She asks for the pain to fade. She asks for forgiveness, because what she promised Ava means she will not be able to keep her promises to Him.

To live her life, Beatrice will need to put herself first, and that is still something so foreign to her.

When her prayer is complete, she leans back, exhausted and aching. She can't even tell if it's physical or emotional. Maybe both.

She has to move. She needs to find the others. They need to know what's happened. She has to tell them the news of Lilith and Adriel and Reya. And Ava.

She doesn't move. This is the place she last had Ava. This is the place she last held her in her arms, desperately trying to remain optimistic for them both. This is the place Beatrice was just forced to let her go, or risk losing her forever. Getting up now feels like giving up. Leaving now will feel like -

She sighs, heavy with the ache in her heart that she's determined to keep as hope. Ava will come back to her, and then she'll be able to say those three words so Ava can hear them. Ava will come back, and then -

And then they'll have to do it all over again.

Beatrice has dedicated her life to this cause. It's what she signed up for, and she has no regrets. How can she? The OCS gave her a home and a family and a purpose. It gave her a place where she could put her skills to good use. It gave her so much.

But it also gave her a place to hide, and meeting Ava has made that increasingly difficult. Even know, she's convinced she can still feel Ava's lips on her own, trembling and salty with tears. It was their first kiss, and Beatrice can only hope it won't be their last. Her heart won't survive their goodbye turning into a forever.

If she's not careful, she could just lean back and close her eyes, maybe drift off to a place where none of this is happening.

Maybe a lot of things.

With another sigh, she finally gets to her feet, swaying slightly. There's still so much they need to do now, to reestablish themselves; to make sure the OCS survives at all. But what are they without the Warrior Nun? What are they without Ava? What is she?

She turns now, her body angling towards the portal, hand automatically reaching out. It's still warm to the touch, which is odd to her, because everything about the Arc feels so very cold. It has to be, truly, because only something cold could bring this much destruction.

To her own life, and to the world.

Beatrice's hand is still on the Arc when she closes her eyes and thinks of Ava. She thinks of the time they met, both of them caught in torrents of emotions, suffering through losses and changes in an endless way. It felt endless, Beatrice trying to stay faithful to the OCS while tormenting herself with just how much she wanted to keep Ava close.

She thinks of learning about Ava and her past; of being able to touch her - of allowing herself to. She thinks of the battle at the Vatican; of the pride she felt in Ava, and of the fear she felt when they were outnumbered. She thinks of their escape, and then she thinks of their time in the Alps.

Her heart aches at all the missed opportunities. Being that close to her, Beatrice should have - would have -

She thinks of Ava, of her smile and her laugh and her little quirks. She thinks of her voice, yelling expletives, asking her to run away together. Beatrice wishes she'd said yes. Maybe they'd be somewhere safe, hidden away. But maybe the world would be burning to the ground right now, and Beatrice has discovered a new selfishness, yes, but she doesn't think she or Ava could live with that trade-off.

When Ava returns - and she will - they'll go somewhere. The two of them, they'll finally see the world together. Beatrice will take her anywhere she wants to go; she'll say yes to anything and everything. When Ava returns, Beatrice will -

She'll find a way to tell her, with no hesitation, exactly how she feels. Because this love in her heart, she doesn't want to contain it anymore. She doesn't think she can. She won't.

With another sigh, she adds a quiet addition to her initial prayer, whispers the word, "Amen," and then turns to leave. It's a long, solo trip back to the surface, and she knows she has to try to find the words to explain that -

It's a light breeze first, at her back, and Beatrice freezes. That's impossible. She starts to turn, not sure what to expect, and that's when it happens. She can't say exactly what, but she sees blue light, and then she's flying backwards, her back slamming into the wall behind her.

She might pass out, but she does know she's dazed, her eyesight blurry. There's a shadow that passes by her, and then it's in front of her, and Beatrice's instincts are to lash out and protect herself from what she can't see.

But then soft hands take hold of her own and a voice starts speaking, and -

Beatrice knows that voice.

She knows those hands.

Her eyes close tightly, and then she blinks several times, trying to clear her vision. It's a dream. It has to be. This can't be real. There's no -

The image becomes clearer, and Beatrice stares straight ahead, heart racing with disbelief and a fear that this truly is -

Because then Ava Silva says, "Hi, Bea," with a tiny, pleased smile, and Beatrice doesn't care if this is a dream. She yanks her into a hug, wrapping her arms around her and squeezing so tightly that Ava - dear God, it's Ava - lets out a little grunt. But she hugs back, pressing her face into Beatrice's neck, and it has to be real. It'll be the cruelest thing if it's not.

"Bea," Ava says after a moment. "You're still here."

It gets Beatrice's attention enough that she pulls back to be able to look at her face. She studies her closely, noting that the colour is back in her features, no longer on the verge of death. She's clearly healed; somehow managed to survive in a way Warrior Nuns before her haven't before. Her eyes are bright and full of mischief, and Beatrice can barely believe it.

"And here I thought you'd be happy to see me," Ava says, and Beatrice just pulls her into another, tighter hug. She has too many questions, but they're stuck in her throat along with every other thing she wants to say in this moment.

It's been nearly ninety minutes for Beatrice, but it's clearly been longer for Ava. Beatrice isn't bothered by it right now, but she'll definitely do the calculation later.

"Are you, though?" Ava asks. "Are you happy to see me?"

And that's what gets Beatrice able to speak. "You're an idiot."

Ava laughs softly, pulling back again, her face remaining so close that Beatrice has to look between her eyes. "You missed me that much, did you?"

That draws her brows together. "What do you mean?"

Ava turns her head, gesturing to the Arc, and Beatrice looks now, noting that the circle is silent and still once again. "It was you, Bea," she says. "You powered it up. I really didn't expect to be back so soon. I didn't even have time to figure out how I would get back, anyway. Reya and I were just getting to know each other."

"Excuse me?"

"I'll explain another time," she promises. "For now, I just - I just want to look at you."

"Ava," Beatrice breathes, still in disbelief, but desperate for this not to be a dream. "What - "

"I'll explain, I promise," she says.

"Lilith said something about a Holy War," Beatrice says, unable to stop herself, and something very particular happens to Ava's very beautiful face. "Ava?"

"We have time," she whispers. "Not a lot, but we have time. While they build their army, we can build ours."

"Excuse me?"

"We have time," she says again. "Can we just - you and me, can we just spend this time together?"

And Beatrice remembers her own thoughts; her own promises just minutes earlier, vowing to say yes when Ava asked. "What exactly are you asking me?"

Ava must hear the acceptance in her voice, because her expression shifts from determination to surprise, and then to something hopeful. "It doesn't have to be the Alps," Ava says, and Beatrice smiles for the first time in what has been a very, very long time.

"Maybe hold off on the museums for a while, as well," Beatrice says, and Ava beams at her. "You said we have time?"

Ava nods, her hands tightening on Beatrice's shoulders. "Before this War, I just want to spend this time with you."

Beatrice agrees, though there's no need to say the words. Ava must sense it, because her smile gets impossibly wider.

"I promise I'll explain everything," Ava says again, and it's enough, really. Enough to get Beatrice to believe her when she says, "I have to go now, but I'll find you." Enough to get Beatrice to let go when she says, "There's something I need to do, and I think it's best if you go up alone." Enough to get Beatrice to sit perfectly still and watch her walk away, head turning to speak over her shoulder and say, "In this life, Bea."

It keeps her rooted in position, those words, uttered by Ava's voice, and she has to tell herself again and again that everything that's happened did happen. It happened.

It happened.

It's real.

It has to be real.

Beatrice is still sitting there when Camila, Father Vincent, Yasmine, and Dora find her, minutes or hours later. She's alone, sitting against a wall, and she's sure her expression must give away a healthy amount of devastation. Because she gained, lost, gained again, and then has temporarily lost the potential love of her life in just the span of a few hours, and her head and heart are still trying to make sense of that.

Camila starts crying first, clearly reaching an obvious conclusion. There's just a lot of bloodshed, guts and body parts spread about. Without confirmation, Ava -

It's Father Vincent who appears in front of Beatrice and quietly asks, "What happened?"

So Beatrice tells them. She explains what she found when she arrived, and then Reya out of the portal, Adriel grandstanding, Michael dead on the ground, Ava hurt and crying, and Lilith. She explains the end; the Divinium bomb that didn't end up working, and the result of urging Ava to let go. Staying when Ava told her to go.

"They're gone," Beatrice finishes, looking towards the Arc. "They're all gone." Her voice catches. "She's gone."

Nobody asks anything more of her, and it's Dora who helps her to her feet, urging her forward and away. She stumbles slightly, her feet unstable. But she keeps walking, looking back only once, seeing the Arc as it is, both hating it and being grateful for its existence. If they likely didn't need it for the upcoming war, Beatrice would take great pleasure in blowing it up.

For now, she allows herself to be led away, allowing her grief over Ava to settle in her gut, hope desperately blooming eternal.

Nineteen Days Later

Beatrice is very good at keeping secrets. Even as a child, she could keep things close to the chest for people and herself. It's the reason why she never told her mother about her father's numerous affairs, and the reason she never told her father about her mother's secret bank account.

Beatrice is like a vault, which is why nobody - not a single soul - suspects that there is a place she is heading towards when she finally walks away from her duties of being a Sister Warrior. A trainer of others.

She won't tell a soul, and she doesn't feel at all conflicted by it. Maybe the old Beatrice would have stayed for longer; would have settled into what more is expected of her, but Ava said they have time, and Beatrice intends to spend that time with Ava.

She's stayed long enough, anyway. They'll need to rebuild their ranks, too many of the Order senselessly slaughtered. It's a dangerous world they live in, and these newest recruits will have to understand that. They'll need to realise just what they're fighting for. Sometimes, even Beatrice doesn't know, which is why she needs this time. She needs -

No.

She wants it.

Which is why she tells Camilla, Father Vincent and Mother Superior that she cannot stay. She knows she'll be back one day, with Ava, but they'll be fine without her for now. They'll get ready, and Beatrice will be ready when they are. So will Ava. They just can't be whom they want to be while they're here, and Beatrice hopes her found family can understand that.

It's maybe why they stand back and watch her leave, Camila obviously trying to get a read on her and failing. There's a small part of Beatrice that wants to tell her where she's going and whom she's going to see, but Camila makes sure not to ask, so Beatrice doesn't confess. It's better this way, perhaps, because Camila will just have questions, and Beatrice doesn't actually have any answers.

Well, she has one.

Just GPS coordinates and a date and time. They arrived via email, a new one Ava's clearly just made, her name ' ,' and Beatrice let out a laugh when it first arrived in her inbox. It's been nineteen days of wondering if she actually imagined it all, and now she's on her way to get what her heart knows is true confirmed for her.

Of all the places she expected Ava to pick, this is not it. Beatrice takes the train, using the hours alone to wrap her mind around what it means to be apart from her found family.

It's the second time in as many months, she and Ava separated from the rest of the OCS, but now it's by choice and not under Mother Superion's instruction. Beatrice is going willingly, unsure what to expect exactly, because the last time she saw Ava was -

It was a lot.

Truthfully, Beatrice hasn't allowed herself the time to unpack it all, rather just throwing herself into the recovery of their Order and weathering the aftermath of the end of Adriel and the execution of their Pope. There wasn't time before, but she's certain of at least two things. 1. Beatrice will return to the OCS with the Warrior Nun in tow, and 2. Beatrice loves Ava.

For now, they're all that matter, and she's ready and willing to see where life takes her now. It won't be easy, given she's exactly whom she is, but she wants it, and that's the first step, isn't it?

After the train is a short ferry ride, and she has to tell herself again when she arrives in a tiny coastal town she's never heard of before, ready to be found. She knows she's in Greece, and she knows that Ava picked it because it's not Italy or Spain. It's somewhere new, but also weirdly familiar.

The town is smaller than where they were in Switzerland, but just as busy. The streets are cobbled, buildings white and blue, and Beatrice makes her way to the Town Square, eyes searching the crowds for anyone familiar. Ava is here; Beatrice can feel it.

Beatrice has come to a stop, still studying the crowds, heart pounding in her chest, when she senses a presence behind her. It's not hostile, so she doesn't turn, but then hands reach around her, soft fingers covering her eyes, and a happy voice says, "Guess who?"

Before she can help it, Beatrice smiles. Her shoulders drop, relieved that this entire thing hasn't been one gigantic fever dream. Sometimes, she imagines waking up to find herself back underground, the Arc quiet and taunting, Ava gone forever.

Right now, Beatrice's hands reach up to cover both of Ava's, gently pulling them away as she turns. Ava.

It's Ava.

Beatrice keeps hold of her hands. "Hi," she breathes.

"You made it," Ava declares, lifting herself onto her toes. "I knew you were a genius."

Beatrice smiles. "Your code wasn't exactly cutting edge, Ava."

"Ouch." She drops down. "I learned everything I know from TV, you know?"

Beatrice lifts her eyebrows.

"Okay, maybe not everything," Ava allows, letting go of one of Beatrice's hands and turning slightly. "We're staying not too far from here. I want to show you around, but maybe we should drop off your things first."

Beatrice just keeps her eyes on her, not daring to look anywhere else. She doesn't even care where they are in this moment. It doesn't even matter, as long as she's with Ava.

Ava looks back at her, concerned with the silence. "Bea?"

Beatrice's smile is small, tinged with sadness. "Anything you want," she offers, and she means it.

Ava's smile slips slightly. "You really mean that, don't you?"

Beatrice nods, the moment sobering between them, because Beatrice is serious. Perhaps more serious than she's ever been before, and that is saying a lot.

Ava turns back, facing her properly. She gets close again, and Beatrice looks between her eyes again, her nose, her lips, the slight flush to her cheeks. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do," she says.

"I don't even know what I would want," Beatrice admits. She's spent so many years denying herself many, many things. It's been an odd comfort, being able to hide behind her first vows to keep her from experiences she might not be comfortable with, but her time with Ava has already showed her there are experiences she wants to have.

"Sure you do," Ava says, her concern fading and giving way to mischief once more. "You're here with me, aren't you?"

Beatrice is going to need a constant reminder. "Indeed, I am."

Ava watches her closely, searching for something. "Will you combust if I kissed you?" she asks, and Beatrice's eyes widen in alarm. Ava laughs. "Thought so," she says, like she knew the answer all along. "Come on. There are things I want to show you."

Beatrice lets Ava pull her along, not taking in her surroundings at all. Because Ava is here, right in front of her, breathing and laughing and waving at people as they walk. She's alive and well and -

Beatrice comes to an abrupt stop, forcing Ava to stop and turn in worry, and Beatrice pulls her into a fierce hug. Her duffel drops to the ground with a thud, but she doesn't care. This is Ava. This is -

"Ava."

It's a voice to their right, and Beatrice tenses. Ava just pats her back, releasing her slowly and giving her an easy smile. "It's okay," she says. "It's just Stefanos."

Beatrice raises her eyebrows.

Ava just laughs. "Easy, Bea," she says. "You know you're my one and only."

Beatrice flushes at the sound of those words, watching as Ava turns towards the voice. Towards Stefanos, who is actually a grown man in his late forties, standing with what looks like his wife and daughter.

"He's our host," Ava tells Beatrice, preparing her for Stefanos' approach. Beatrice just watches as he confirms that the dripping tap in the bathroom has been fixed and is good to go. Ava thanks him, and then pulls Beatrice forward by the hand, introducing her with the words, "This is Beatrice," as if that should mean something to him.

It does, though, because his face lights up in recognition. "You did say she was on the way," he says, his accent quite thick. He looks at Beatrice. "I've heard good things."

Beatrice blinks, her own manners making her duck her head in acknowledgment as she presents her hand. "It's good to meet you," she says, still a bit unsure about where they all stand.

Stefanos, at least, doesn't linger, letting them go a minute later, and then Ava is bending to pick up Beatrice's bag, getting them moving again. Beatrice follows, and it really isn't that far. The town, itself, is small - possibly three times smaller than where they were before - so they reach their destination quite quickly.

The place, itself, is above a furniture store, and they have to enter from an outside staircase, climbing to the second floor and entering an apartment that feels more coastal than Beatrice expected.

"Would you like a tour?" Ava asks, suddenly sounding nervous. "I've been here only a few days, so I haven't had a chance to - "

"Ava," Beatrice interrupts. "I don't really care where we stay."

"I'm pretty sure you'd want a working toilet, though, right?"

"I could camp."

Ava laughs. "Let's not, though," she says. "I like luxuries." Her expression softens. "I like you."

Oh.

Ava's just going to say it, is she?

Beatrice told herself she would tell Ava how she felt, but the words fail her now. Ava doesn't seem to mind, looking mildly amused by Beatrice's lack of response. Right now, she reaches out and pulls her through the small space. It isn't much, which they've learned to live with, but it's just big enough, a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room, and a small balcony.

"I made sure it had a desk," Ava tells her. "Where else are you going to do your whole Organised-Beatrice thing?"

"You thought of me," Beatrice states rather than asks, because here is the evidence right here.

"I tend to," Ava admits, and it's there: this thing they haven't quite spoken about but seem to understand about each other. "I've thought about little else."

Beatrice takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. "You said you got here only a few days ago," she says. "Where were you before? What did you have to do?"

Ava just smiles at her. "Did I tell you that I missed you?"

Beatrice shakes her head. "We're not going to talk about it tonight, are we?"

"If I can help it," Ava says. "I want to show you around first, take you to dinner, hold your hand, just enjoy some time with you. Without, you know, dark forces conspiring all around us."

Beatrice looks at her now, aware her own expression softens. Ava is looking back at her, smile tinged with nerves, as if she expects Beatrice to say no. Again.

Beatrice won't ever say no to her again.

Well. Within reason.

She steps forward, left hand reaching out for Ava's. "Are you okay, though?" she asks. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better now that you're here," Ava answers easily, which is a soft deflection.

"Indulge me," Beatrice asks. "Just tell me you're okay. Because I can't - I still see - "

"I never wanted you to have to watch me die," Ava tells her solemnly. "It's why I didn't want you to follow."

"Would I have been able to stop you?"

"You did it so well the first time," Ava points out. "Mostly, I don't think I could have gone through with it if you'd asked me not to."

Beatrice wonders if she would have. If Ava had filled her in on the other plan, would Beatrice have held on tighter?

Ava shakes her head, trying to clear it. "Not tonight, Bea," she says. "Please. Let's just. For one night, can we just - "

Beatrice smiles with all the affection she feels for this beautiful, unassuming girl. "We can," she agrees. "But only if you ask nicely."

"I'm always nice."

Beatrice lifts her eyebrows.

"I am," Ava insists. "I'm so nice that I'm even going to let you pick which restaurant you want to go to."

"Wow."

"I know."

Beatrice gently tugs on Ava's hand, pulling her closer. "Ava," she murmurs.

"Hmm?"

"I've missed you, too."

Ava stares at her for a moment, and then she grins. "Your life must have been super boring without me," she says.

"All ninety minutes, you mean?"

Ava looks thoughtful. "That long, huh?"

"Longer for you?"

Ava's hands move to her shoulders, turning her and getting closer. "Days," she says. "Weeks, Bea. Without you." Her eyes are wet now. "I don't want to go through that ever again." Her hands move to Beatrice's neck, then her cheeks, cradling them in a way that Beatrice usually does with her. "I know it's selfish, but I don't care. I just want to be selfish with you. Please be selfish with me, too."

Beatrice breathes in, smelling only Ava. "Okay," she says. "Okay, Ava."

"So yes?" Ava asks. "We're going on a date."

Beatrice's eyes open comically wide. "Wait. What?"

Ava grins. "Yes, Bea," she says. "I'm going to wine and dine you, and maybe we'll go dancing. Maybe we'll - "

"I should change."

Ava looks down, and then back up. "I mean, you don't have to," she says, deliberately slowly. "Unless you want to, of course, but you should know I generally like your style." She giggles. "Your vibe."

Oh, goodness, Beatrice loves this adorable idiot.

"I'm also pretty hungry," Ava adds, which draws a laugh from Beatrice.

It's why they find themselves on the street again mere minutes later. Ava takes hold of her hand and holds onto it tightly as they set off in some direction. Ordinarily, Beatrice would be more concerned with where they are, what they're doing, and who could possibly see them, but she doesn't care right now. It's freeing, and worrying.

Ava seems happy, though. Giddy, even. She keeps glancing at Beatrice as if she can't believe she's actually there, her expression giving away her wonder.

Beatrice doesn't know how much time they have, but she knows they have it. They should just enjoy it, shouldn't they? The whole idea isn't typically in Beatrice's nature, but Ava brings it out of her, and she's choosing to believe it's in the best way.

A night out on the town with Ava is always going to be filled with new experiences, but it becomes apparent to them both quite quickly that neither one of them has been on any kind of official date before. They've gone out together, just the two of them, for meals and a handful of movies, that one night at the bar as well, but this is -

It is so obviously a date that they're trying not to make more awkward, but it kind of is. And that's okay, because Beatrice already knows this about herself, and Ava just laughs through it.

They actually end up at an open food market, several different stalls set up in a cobblestone quad, couples and young families milling about. There's a small stage set up on one end, a handful of instruments abandoned and waiting, and Beatrice likes it immediately.

"I want to try all the foods," Ava declares, pulling her towards the first stall. Beatrice doesn't think it's actually possible to do, but Ava proves her wrong, and definitely enjoys doing it. Beatrice is more worried she'll end up making herself sick, but most of the stalls have samples, and they go around the courtyard two and a half times before Ava decides she wants pizza.

"But we're never going back to Italy," Ava declares, and then frowns. "At least not willingly."

Beatrice gets her pizza, neither agreeing nor disputing her declaration. They find a bench at a table, joining another couple opposite them, exchanging quiet greetings, and then huddling together. Ava enjoys seafood, Beatrice has come to learn, and hot, spicy food - both of which she has on their shared pizza.

"I think it's from my mother's side of the family," Ava explains, looking amused when Beatrice reaches for her water, mouth burning from the spice. She knows the water won't help, but it's the thought that counts.

"You rarely speak about her," Beatrice points out, voice gentle.

"I don't know if what I remember is actually how she was," Ava admits. "Sometimes, I think I made things up in my head, you know? How I hoped she was. How I wished our lives would have been without the accident."

"What was her name?"

"Elena," she says, smiling softly. "She was beautiful."

"I can believe that."

Ava meets her gaze, a little startled. "Ah. I see. You find me beautiful."

"When you're not being annoying," Beatrice teases.

"So, never, huh?"

She leans back, sipping her water again. "I think that you are everything I was desperate and terrified of finding in this world."

Ava stares, slowly swallowing the bite in her mouth. "Bea," she says, quiet enough that Beatrice has to lean in to hear her. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"You know you can tell me anything."

"There was a part of me that didn't want this too soon," she confesses.

"What?"

"You. Me. Us."

Beatrice frowns, not quite following.

Ava rests a hand on Beatrice's knee. "I wanted to bumble my way through experiences with other people," she says, and Beatrice absolutely hates the thought of that. "I wanted to make all my mistakes with them, learn all I can, so that I could be ready for you." Her hand gently squeezes. "Because with you, it feels like forever, and I don't want to get it wrong."

Beatrice knows many words, in many languages, but Ava has left her speechless, once again. Ava eventually takes her hand back, letting Beatrice breathe. They finish the rest of their dinner in silence, Beatrice trying to formulate some kind of response that wouldn't terrify them both.

It's forever.

Of course, it's forever.

Or just as long as this life will allow them.

Beatrice has known this for a while, but it catches her off guard that Ava seems to have accepted the same thing. It's when Ava starts gathering their scraps to throw away that Beatrice reaches out for her arm, her fingers curling around warm skin.

Ava freezes, turning her head to look at her. "You're not done?"

"I love you."

Ava's eyes widen.

"I don't know if you heard me," Beatrice continues. "Before. When you went through the portal. I said it. After. I just - it took me a moment to catch up, but then you were gone, and I didn't know when I would be able to tell you in person, so I just need you to know, okay? Whatever happens in our lives, you have to know that I love you."

Ava continues to watch her, eyes studying her. "The same way you love Camila?"

"No," Beatrice says. "Definitely not."

"A different way, then?"

Beatrice nods, not willing to explain further. "You said we have time," she says.

"We do," Ava confirms.

"Then can we just - I just need - "

Ava smiles now. "Of course, Bea," she says, and she must understand that Beatrice needs slow and steady. "I know I sprung a lot on you the last time we saw each other. In my defence, I thought I was going to die."

"Is that why you kissed me?" Beatrice asks, unable to stop herself, and she actually winces at the thought that Ava will answer yes.

Ava considers it. "Yes and no," she finally says. "Yes, because I didn't think I would ever get another chance, and I needed to make sure you wouldn't follow me." She chuckles softly. "That didn't work."

"Not in the slightest," Beatrice agrees, because Ava doesn't even know what Beatrice did to be able to get to her. She has no regrets, of course, but the bloodshed will always be at the back of her mind - a testament to just what Beatrice will do to anyone who stands between them.

"And no," Ava continues, "Because I've wanted to kiss you for a long time."

"You have?" Beatrice asks, sounding surprised to her own ears.

"Bea," Ava says. "Did you really not notice?"

"I - maybe. I don't know." She audibly swallows. "I'm very good at explaining even the most obvious thing away. I was terrified you would leave me if you ever knew what I am."

Ava frowns. "What you are?"

Beatrice just shakes her head, not willing to explain.

Ava leans in close. "Well, whatever you are, you should know that I'm a fan," she says. "I'll try not to spring things on you."

"It's literally part of your personality."

"Which you love."

"It's my biggest flaw."

Ava laughs, sounding light and free, and Beatrice truly does love her. "Come on," she says, getting to her feet. "I want some baklava now."

Beatrice gets her baklava, quietly marvelling at her very existence. She hopes there's never a day she actually gets used to this; just being with Ava; just getting to exist beside her.

When the music starts, a band finally taking the stage, the two of them drift closer, Ava nibbling on her baklava as Beatrice holds the paper plate for her. She gets a bit of syrup on the corner of her mouth, and Beatrice wonders if there will ever be a day she feels comfortable enough to kiss it off.

For now, she hands Ava a napkin and watches her clean it herself. They find a spot on the left, surrounded by various other people, and Beatrice feels exposed for a moment before she reminds herself that they have time. There's no great big bad on the lookout for them. They don't actually have to hide in the same way they did before.

Beatrice pulls Ava closer, surprising them both by sliding an arm around her waist. Ava glances at her, visibly pleased, and the two of them settle in to listen to the music. It's mostly folky, which is soft to their ears, and the two of them end up gently swaying side by side.

"This isn't exactly the dancing I had in mind," Ava points out.

"There will be other nights," Beatrice assures her.

"Yeah?"

Beatrice squeezes her waist once, drawing her even closer. "Is it your plan to stay here?" she asks.

Ava keeps her gaze on the stage. "Not really," she says. "I want to go places. I want to see and experience the world."

There's an obvious question Beatrice should ask here, but Ava answers before she can.

"I went to Jillian," she says. "I had to tell her about Michael. We needed to have that conversation. She needed to know his sacrifice meant something." It's still something the two of them need to speak about. "She offered me a place. She offered me many things."

"Freedom."

"Something like that."

Beatrice closes her eyes for a moment. "I've always wanted to see the pyramids," she admits. "Something to tell Yasmine one day."

"We can go," Ava tells her. "We can go anywhere."

"What's on your list?"

"Barcelona," she says. "I've wanted to see Gaudi's work in person. Experience it. Walk through it."

"Times Square," Beatrice adds.

"Table Mountain."

"Let's go to Singapore."

"And Bali."

Beatrice chuckles. "The Great Wall of China."

"Hawaii."

"Should I even point out you generally want to go to coastal places?"

"I enjoy the water," Ava says, which is something Beatrice already knows. "Will you take me to your home?"

"My home?"

"Where you grew up," she clarifies.

Beatrice thinks hard about it. She hasn't returned to her hometown in years. She won't even claim it is where she grew up, because she spent majority of her youth away at boarding school, starting when she was just eight years old.

"It isn't anything special," Beatrice tells her.

"I still want to see it," Ava insists. "I want to know every single thing about you, big and small, whether you deem it important or not."

Beatrice's heart starts to race. "You actually want that?"

"Of course."

Beatrice breathes deeply, dropping her head slightly to rest against Ava's temple. She wants to be closer, but she doesn't know how to ask for that.

Ava sighs, leaning against her a bit more. "I'm really happy you're here," she says, soft enough that Beatrice strains to hear.

"There is literally nowhere else in this world I would rather be," Beatrice says, and she means it with her entire being. It scares her, really, because she's essentially abandoned her sisters and turned her back on her duty.

For now.

Maybe for forever.

When they decide to leave, it's after Ava has yawned three times in the space of a minute. She protests, of course, but Beatrice reminds her that they do really have time. And so they make their way back, Ava having to lead, because Beatrice can retrace their steps only so far.

"You don't have to look so nervous," Ava informs her, noticing her changing expression the closer they get to the apartment. "I promise I won't jump you the second we get inside."

"Ava," she gasps, scandalised.

Ava laughs. "You're safe with me," she says, which cuts into Beatrice in a way she didn't expect.

"I wasn't, before," she says, tone solemn. "My heart wasn't safe. You broke it when you left me."

Ava stops walking quite abruptly, Beatrice forced to come to a halt as well. "You know that, if I had a choice, I would never have left you," she says, her tone slightly defensive. "If it was just about me; if you and Camilla and Mary and Mother Superion hadn't worked your way into my dead heart and forced me to care about you and this stupid world, you know I would have let the globe burn to the ground if it meant getting to stay with you forever." She lets out a shaky breath. "But you said no when I asked."

Beatrice remembers that, Ava's little hope dashed so unceremoniously. She's not proud of it, but she was admonishing her own actions more than anything; criticising her own selfishness. Because, even then, it terrified her that she would sacrifice the rest of the world if it meant that Ava would live.

"So you decided that dying was the only option?" Beatrice asks, because she learned later that Ava did not, in fact, feel the same way about her own mortality.

"If it meant you would get to live, then yes," she answers immediately. "Without a doubt. Barely a thought to it. You claim you would die for me, so why can't the same be true for me?"

"Because the world needs the Warrior Nun."

"Yeah, well, I need you, so it looks like we're both fucked."

"What?" Beatrice asks, bemused. "What are we even fighting about? Are we even fighting?"

"Can you just tell me you love me again, and then we can go to bed and figure out the rest of our lives in the morning?"

Beatrice just smiles, getting them moving again. She holds off on any declaration until they're safely tucked away in said bed, Ava's body curled towards her, eyes struggling to stay open in a self-confessed effort to keep looking at Beatrice. Beatrice disappeared into the bathroom after Ava, showering after a long day of travel and revelations, and she exited to find Ava already in bed, a journal in her lap, writing slowly. Ava made a joke, inviting her into bed, and now here they are.

"Told you I wouldn't jump you," Ava whispers, smiling softly. "I'm classier than that."

"But you want to?" Beatrice questions, curious about this development.

"Oh. So badly." She puffs out a breath, minty fresh. "Have you seen you?" she asks. "You're this super hot, badass, insanely smart, totally dangerous, absolutely gorgeous, tactical nun. I'd be an idiot not to."

Beatrice flushes madly. "But we've already established you are an idiot."

"Hush."

Beatrice chuckles. "Try to get some sleep, okay?" she says. "I'll be here in the morning."

Ava reaches out, hand curling into Beatrice's old t-shirt. She holds the fabric tightly, not letting go. "Promise?" she asks, and she sounds so much younger.

Beatrice shifts close enough to be able to wrap her around Ava's body, marvelling at how normal she feels in this moment. Ava sighs against her, the tip of her nose pressed against her neck. Beatrice doesn't know how she's meant to get any sleep like this but, when she does eventually drift off, it's the best sleep she's had in weeks.

It's early when Beatrice's eyes open again, the sky still dark outside. Ava is draped over her, left hand tucked under her t-shirt, palm warm against her skin. For a moment, Beatrice is tempted to pinch herself, just to make sure it's all real, but she doesn't want the dream to end if it's not.

Which is why Beatrice just lies here, reminding herself to enjoy it.

When Ava does stir, it is the single greatest event Beatrice has ever witnessed. It's slow and perfect, her eyes fluttering, body stretching. Her mouth pulls into a smile when she sees that Beatrice is awake.

"Hi," Ava whispers.

"Hi."

"Have you been up long?"

"No."

"Liar."

Beatrice smiles, because they both know she's an early riser. "I've been thinking," she says.

"Ouch."

She pinches Ava's side, getting an indignant squeak out of her. "I've been thinking about where we go next, and then after that."

"Our itinerary, huh?" she asks. "Organised-Beatrice makes another appearance."

"You said we have time, but just how much time is that?"

Ava's expression shifts, and her reluctance is clear to see. Maybe it's best if she's the only one who knows, anyway. Beatrice can accept not knowing this part.

"More than a month?" Beatrice asks. "More than two months? Three?"

"Yes, yes, and yes."

Beatrice nods. "Okay," she says, "Then I think the first place we should go is my hometown."

"Oh?"

"It's the most pressing, perhaps," she says. "It's also one of the closer ones. And then I was thinking Egypt."

"You want to leave already?"

"No," she says. "I would very much like to remain where I am right now."

It's the moment Ava realises the position they're in, tucked in close, her hand against Beatrice's abdominal muscles. "Oh."

"Yeah."

Ava watches her carefully, her fingers tensing slightly. "Is this okay?"

"That you're touching me?"

"I don't think that's ever been an issue for us," Ava says, because she's never been afraid to reach for Beatrice, comforted by the fact she knows she'll always find Beatrice right there. "It's just where I'm touching you."

"Because my t-shirt isn't tucked in?"

"Practically an invitation."

Beatrice chuckles. "You can touch all you want."

"Yeah?"

Beatrice nods, her breath catching when Ava's hand drifts up.

"Can I look, too?" Ava asks.

"It was only one date, Ava," Beatrice jokes, which gets a startled laugh out of Ava.

Her hand remains perfectly still, though. "This used to be my favourite part of our time in Switzerland."

Beatrice frowns. "Excuse me?"

"Waking up," Ava admits. "Hearing you moving around in our place, just knowing you were there, knowing I wasn't alone and it was you. Bea, it's you."

"You're surprised I'm still in bed, aren't you?"

"Half expected you to have done your morning workout, got dressed for the day, and started on breakfast already."

Beatrice shifts, rolling towards Ava and wrapping her in a hug. She closes her eyes, burying her face in Ava's hair. She feels the breath Ava takes, feels the hand in her own hair, and hears Ava say, "This is much better, anyway."

"You're not hungry?"

"Starving," Ava admits, "But I don't think we actually have any food."

"What would you do without me?"

Ava's hands tighten around her. "I'd rather not think about it."

Beatrice breathes out, making Ava giggle and squirm. "Things are different now," she says. "It won't be the same as it was in the Alps. I don't want it to be."

"Why?" Ava asks, and Beatrice gets the impression Ava wants to hear all the same things again. Wants some kind of reassurance that they can actually live their lives as they wish for at least the next three months.

"Because you told me to live my life," Beatrice says. "I was going to, at least to the best of my ability, but it's everything I didn't know I could allow myself to want to be able to live it with you."

"Bea," she whispers, and her voice is reverent. She doesn't say anything else, though, but Beatrice understands without the words. They've always been good at this: the silent communication, being able to read each other.

"But we will have to train," Beatrice tells her, laughing when Ava groans. "Not as much and not as stringently, but you know and I know that we have to." Her own voice quiets. "I can't not."

Ava sighs, but she does know. Life is about balance, after all. "Okay," she says, "When do we leave?"

Three days later, they enter a tiny town just outside Cornwall in England.

While they were in Greece, Beatrice spent an entire morning at an internet café, doing research, making bookings, and applying for visas. It's one thing to stay in Europe, travel easy enough, but they have plans to go international, and Ava's only recently got her hands on a passport.

Beatrice has had to keep her own under lock and key, because Ava's a little too interested in learning her real name, even though she doesn't push.

"I don't actually know if it's real," Ava admits when she shows Beatrice. "Jillian got it for me. I don't even know if I exist, seeing as I actually died and all." She pauses. "The first time."

"There will be a day when that joke gets old."

"I'm a cat, baby," Ava declares, grinning. "Nine lives. Can't kill me."

"How many do you have left, hmm?"

"Not nearly enough."

Beatrice had smiled in the moment, but the fear exists for her, lingering in a way that tells her she's irreparably affected by the number of times she's held an injured Ava in her arms, tortured by the thought of losing her for forever.

"It's very green here," Ava says now, looking around as they step off the train's outdoor platform. "Like, very green. I'm not sure how I feel about it."

"You knew I come from the country, though," Beatrice points out.

"Do you, really?" Ava asks. "You sound too posh."

"Do you even know what that means?"

"TV, Bea," she reminds her. "I know everything."

Beatrice just reaches for her hand, pulling her in the direction of the closest bus stop. "My family spent the summers here," she explains. "During the school year, I would be at school and my parents would be in London." Ava doesn't respond, giving Beatrice the space to continue. "We were never close. I think my presence was mostly part of keeping up appearances of a happy family to our social circles. For a small time there, my father wanted to be a politician."

Ava raises her eyebrows in surprise. "Really?"

"As a barrister, it seemed like a natural progression."

"But he didn't?"

"No, he didn't," she says, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "There was - there was a girl. When I was younger. We were close. I felt things." Her jaw clenches, remembering. "I wrote her a letter. She showed her parents. Her parents showed mine, and I was sent to the boarding school in Switzerland where I found the OCS, and I haven't been back since."

Ava squeezes her hand. "I'm sorry," she says. "I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry I've forced you to come back here."

"I wouldn't have come if there wasn't a part of me that wanted to," Beatrice admits. "It might be good for me."

"The same way it might be good for me to return to the orphanage?"

Beatrice glances at her, coming to a halt under the awning of the bus stop. "Do you think it would help?"

"It didn't help the last time I was there."

"You're different now."

"How so?"

There are many things Beatrice could say, and they would all be true. "I think you're more sure of whom you are than you ever were before," she says, voice gentle. "They took advantage of you at a time you were vulnerable and powerless, but now you're miles from that person. You're strong and sure and powerful, and maybe you never have to go back. Do you feel it could help?"

"Is it helping you?"

Beatrice looks around, taking in the familiar buildings, the cars driving past, and the oddly comforting smell of grass and cows. It doesn't feel as if it's been years. Maybe she's still that seven-year-old, begging her governess to let her ride her bicycle down to the pond on their property to feed the ducks.

"Only because you're with me," Beatrice finally says, and Ava beams at her.

The bus arrives a minute later, the two of them getting on and riding all the way into the heart of the small town. Beatrice points out a few things to her, Ava listening intently, eyes taking in everything she can, clearly interested in learning about Beatrice's old life.

They walk the town's square before Beatrice takes them to what was her favourite restaurant, ordering fish and chips and not even ashamed of the cliché of it. Ava seems delighted by all of it, anyway, hanging on every word Beatrice says as she tries desperately not to feel self-conscious about it.

"Do you think we'll be able to see your house?" Ava asks. "It's not technically the summer." She bats her eyelashes playfully, which is really how Beatrice finds herself standing in a familiar driveway just an hour later, her mind flooded with childhood memories.

"Wow," Ava says, taking in the house. "This is where you grew up?"

Beatrice points to a large tree beside the house. "I used to have a treehouse in there," she explains. "I would host tea parties for all my imaginary friends."

Ava's mouth drops open, eyes wide with delight. "Oh, I'm just learning more and more about you every second."

"Still like me, huh?"

"It's a struggle," she comments with a smile. Then: "What happened to it? The treehouse?"

"I outgrew it," she says. "The wear of disuse eventually made it ugly. They tore it down. I arrived for a school holiday one year, and it was just gone. I don't think I've ever truly recovered from it."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because it was probably the first time I truly felt betrayed by my parents."

Ava leans in to whisper. "I saw a grocer back there," she says; "We can totally egg their house."

"You really do watch too much TV, don't you?"

"It was the only way for me to experience things before," she reveals. "Now I'm here with you, getting to live through it all."

"I'd rather save you from having to experience homophobia," Beatrice says, looking around again. She's not worried anyone will see them and recognise her - it's been far too many years - but there's still a part of her that's been conditioned to hide. She never wants that for Ava, who likely wouldn't be able to be contained, anyway. Goodness knows Beatrice has tried in the past.

"We should totally make out right out here," Ava suggests, clearly joking, and Beatrice surprises them both by gently kissing her temple. "You think they'd arrest us?"

"I'm pretty sure we'd be able to get out of it."

"Because you're a badass ninja nun, hmm?"

Beatrice pulls them around the side of the house, coming to a stop under said tree. There's clear evidence of where a treehouse once stood, and Beatrice can't escape the wave of loss that washes over her. It's sudden and all-consuming, robbing her of breath, and Ava reacts by getting closer to her.

"We don't have to stay here," Ava says. "Bea, we can go. I'm sorry I made you come."

"I missed it, you know," Beatrice admits. "I didn't even realise how much." She looks at Ava. "I'm feeling all sorts of things."

"We don't have to stay here," Ava says again, which is why they leave. Mostly not to be seen, but also because there's only so much Beatrice can handle. She's spent years building walls, holding herself to a certain standard, and now it feels like everything is crumbling.

But Ava is here.

She's here.

"Was this a terrible, terrible idea?" Ava asks the question on the bus back out of town, headed to the train station. "Did it hurt you asking you to see your past like this?"

"I think I needed it," Beatrice tells her.

"Those aren't answers to my questions."

Beatrice just reaches for her hand, squeezing tightly. "Not a terrible idea," she assures her. "Goodness knows you've had worse ones."

"Hey."

Beatrice just smiles, suddenly very aware of the other people on the bus with them. She doesn't think anyone is actually looking at them, but it would be obvious how she feels about Ava if anyone did turn to look. Beatrice isn't even bothered to keep her feelings out of her expression, because it reassures not only Ava but also herself. This is what she's chosen. This person - this impossible, once-in-a-lifetime person - is whom she's chosen.

"I have good ideas," Ava says, shifting in closer to Beatrice. "I picked our next place."

"Okay, you've had one good idea."

Ava keeps her face pointed in Beatrice's direction, so very close to hers. "Maybe two," she says. "Give me that much, at least."

"What is the second one?"

"You are."

Beatrice chuckles. "Is that so?"

"You're honestly the best idea I've ever had."

"Even better than the idea to go to Barcelona after this?"

"Is it weird that I actually want to go back to Spain after I said I didn't?" Ava asks.

"It's not Madrid."

"But…?"

Beatrice leans in, resting her head against Ava's. "We can save it for later," she says. "Let's go see the pyramids first."

Ava doesn't argue or offer any rebuttal, and Beatrice knows she's made the correct decision. It's going to be a bit of a shuffle, but Beatrice is trying not to worry too hard about it. She tells herself it's just an itinerary. Things can change. That's how life works. She's okay with it.

For now, Ava shifts closer, her head dropping to Beatrice's shoulder and her fingers linking with hers. They both look down, marvelling at the contrast in the colours of their skin. "We won't be able to do this when we're there," Beatrice informs her, already hating the thought of enforcing some distance just to be able to see the wonders of the world.

Ava nuzzles her shoulder, sighing deeply. "Better enjoy it while we can, then."

Ava calls her a nerd the moment they arrive in Alexandria.

Cairo wasn't quite what Beatrice was expecting, even though she was aware the entire world has shifted towards more modern times. It's just that it left her conflicted to be able to stand right in front of the gorgeous, magnificent Sphinx and see the city right there. She could hear it, all so close, and it's left her -

"Oh my God," Ava says, looping their arms together and leading them towards the left. "Did they really cut it out of one block of stone?"

"An engineering marvel, huh?"

Ava looks up to the pointed top of the obelisk. Its shape is like the Washington Monument, Beatrice knows, but this obelisk is indeed cut out of a single block of stone. They've tended to avoid any kind of museum, rather going into tombs or exploring outdoor monuments, and now they're scheduled to visit what's left of the Alexandria Library.

Beatrice has been fascinated by it all, and Ava has mostly raved about the food and the chance to smoke the hookah every night. She's tried every flavour they've managed to get their hands on, the two of them acting in a certain way in public, and a completely other way in private. It's their little secret, exchanging little amused looks throughout the day. Ava seems to enjoy it in a way that Beatrice knows won't last, which is why Alexandria is their last stop in Egypt before they head East.

Not that she thinks it'll be any better, because Beatrice is very concerned with Ava's safety - and keeping her hidden. It'll just be different.

"Has it been worth it?" Ava asks, glancing back at her. "Coming here?"

"Just for the picture to show Yasmine," Beatrice says, but she can't help her own smile. "But, yeah, it's been worth it. I'm glad we came."

"Can finally check it off our list," Ava says. "Make sure you send her the correct picture, though, otherwise you're going to have a hundred questions to answer."

Beatrice takes out her phone and navigates through to her most recent pictures. Of the sights, yes, but also of herself, of Ava, and of them both. They don't even seem real to her, perhaps even photoshopped, but Beatrice was there. Ava is here, doing a little twirl in front of her, almost tripping over the uneven ground, and Beatrice is so stupid in love with her.

Today, they're just a pair of girls, touring this land just like a thousand other people. Ava isn't the Halo Bearer, and Beatrice isn't devout. They're just two young people enjoying life, and Beatrice hasn't felt so free.

"Which one should I send?" Beatrice asks Ava, turning her phone's screen towards her.

Ava takes the phone from her, walking backwards. Beatrice keeps her hands outstretched, ready to reach out for her if she happens to lose her footing. "I like this one," she says. "You look pretty, the waves and breakers at your back."

Beatrice flushes at the words.

"But this one is my favourite," Ava declares. "I'm making it your Lock Screen."

Beatrice lets her do whatever she wants, truly, just accepting that this is now her life and she's choosing to enjoy every second of it.

"We look hot in this one," Ava adds, stopping her retreat and getting close to Beatrice. "You also look like you want to devour me in this one."

Beatrice's eyes widen. "Ava."

"I think, whenever you finally accept that I do actually want you as much as you want me, you're going to be even more dangerous than you are now."

"Excuse me?"

Ava hands her phone back. "Didn't you say something about a library?" she deflects, and Beatrice allows it, steering them back from the obelisk before she actually spontaneously combusts.

In terms of the library, this isn't the norm. People aren't just allowed to see documents, but there is a certain perk to knowing Yasmine.

It's probably something of note that Ava doesn't complain even once when Beatrice descends on all the history and archives. She's always been a fan of learning things, getting her hands on ancient writings and every interpretation. She can feel Ava's eyes on her the entire time, which is maybe why she asks the question she does.

Beatrice waits until they're back on the boat, cruising back down The Nile towards Cairo, their flight already scheduled for Hong Kong.

Their cabin on the boat has two beds, each against a wall, but Ava's bunk has been their glorified dresser, carrying their bags and housing their laundry. Instead, the two of them squish together on Beatrice's bunk, arms wrapped around each other behind closed doors.

It's where they are, pressed so close together, when Beatrice breathes deeply and asks, "What did you mean?"

Ava jerks a little, perhaps almost asleep. "What?"

"What you said, earlier, about what I would be like if I ever accepted you wanted me too - what did you mean?"

"Oh."

Beatrice waits, almost bracing herself.

"I enjoy teasing you," Ava admits. "It's probably my favourite thing to do: touching you, kissing you, all the innuendo in the world. You blush, or you get the best deer in headlights look I've ever seen, and I love it." She kisses Beatrice's cheek now, smiling knowingly. "But if ever you stop and turn the tables on me, it's game over. Because you're badass and cute, sure, but I just know you'll be insanely dangerous and sexy when you actually figure out how to flirt."

Beatrice is quite sure her face has pulled into the expression Ava has just described, which is proven when Ava just laughs, settling against her once more.

"My super cute, badass, ninja nun," Ava says, sighing dreamily. "How did I get so lucky?"

Beatrice closes her eyes, drawing Ava closer. "What if that never happens?" she whispers.

"It will," Ava says easily. "I won't stop trying to convince you until it does."

"Convince me?"

"I definitely want you," Ava assures her, left hand slipping under Beatrice's t-shirt to touch the skin of her abdomen, fingertips trailing over the lines of her muscles. "You're going to have to find some way to accept that."

Beatrice's breath catches. "What happens if I do?"

"We'll make the entire world jealous of us."

"They already are," Beatrice says, automatic, because she counts herself pretty lucky already. She's alive, and Ava's alive, and they're together, intent on travelling the world and experiencing all they can.

"Hmm." Ava shifts slightly, getting closer, rolling slightly until she's nearly basically draped over Beatrice's body. "I'm going to miss the bread," she murmurs. "Egypt has good bread. Especially the rolls that have those little black seeds on them. I could eat those every day."

Beatrice makes a mental note to buy some before they leave. Ava has been a little obsessed with the Nigella seed rolls, not quite a fan of sesame seeds, complaining about how they get stuck in her teeth. Though, of all the mundane tasks she's had to learn to do herself, Ava does enjoy brushing her teeth. And brushing her hair.

It's really the little things.

Like now, when Ava presses her nose into Beatrice's neck, sighing softly. "Thank you, Bea," she whispers.

"For what?"

"Being here," she says. "Being you."

Beatrice never imagined she would get to experience anything like this. Even now, she can barely believe it's happening. Which probably leans into Ava's theory. She must wear the deer in the headlights look more often than not.

"There really is nowhere else in the Universe I would rather be," Beatrice murmurs, finally responding, but Ava's gentle puffs of breath tell her she's already asleep.

Beatrice learns quite quickly that Ava enjoys her dairy. It's such an odd thing to be aware of, but she knew this truth just within the first few days of having Ava at Cat's Cradle.

China, they learn, isn't that big on lactose.

Though, first, they're in Hong Kong, and Beatrice watches Ava try a matcha latte for the first time. Beatrice can't be sure if she actually likes it, though her facial expression is probably one of the cutest Beatrice has ever seen. She wants to catalogue every one of them, filing them away with every other thing she's learned about Ava.

One of those things, incidentally, is that she loves rollercoasters, in addition to all the dairy. Beatrice learns that when they go to Hong Kong Disneyland, Ava nearly losing her mind at every little thing. Beatrice's recent Disney knowledge is, admittedly, limited. Her time in holy service has sometimes restricted her access in the past, so it's been something quite wonderful to experience it all alongside Ava.

"How do people even pick their favourites?" Ava asks, twisting the tornado potato on a stick in her hand. She's been trying to figure out the best way to eat it, and Beatrice has been content to watch her.

"I always enjoyed 101 Dalmatians," Beatrice reveals, sipping at her iced latte. "When I was little, I would come home from school every day and watch it, without fail."

Ava looks at her now, eyes giving away her affection from across the bench table. "I can see it," she says, "Little six-year-old Bea, sitting cross-legged, right up close to the TV. Gosh, you must have been insanely cute." She pauses, and then grins. "Well, cuter than you are now."

Beatrice ducks her head, blushing. "Ava."

"Bea."

"Which ride do you want to go on next?"

Ava's expression shifts to delight, and Beatrice realises what she's said a little too late. "Oh, Bea, if you're really asking."

Beatrice's mind takes her somewhere it shouldn't, and she has to shake her head to clear it. "Ava."

She grins widely; knowingly. "One day, Bea," she promises, which definitely doesn't help with the heat in Beatrice's cheeks. Ava's expression shifts slightly, getting more serious. "Is that something you'd want?"

Beatrice blinks. "Are we really talking about this in one of the happiest places on Earth?"

"I just want to know if I have a chance," Ava says, all innocence. "Are we going to have to be celibate for the rest of our lives?"

"Ava."

She leans forward, presenting Beatrice with the tip of her potato stick. "It's a simple yes or no answer, Bea."

Beatrice picks at a slice of potato and places it in her mouth, trying to buy herself time. "It's not as simple as you think," she says. Her whole life has been an exercise of control and suppression of her desires. She's been shunned and ostracised in the past. It's just not a fear that can be switched off easily. It's not simple to allow herself to want, even if she knows she does.

Of course she does.

"You kissed me back," Ava points out, eating a slice of potato and enjoying the crunch. "I remember that."

"Ava. Please."

Ava studies her closely, maybe trying to determine if she should push for more or not. Eventually, she decides against it and says, "Let's go shopping," like she hadn't just been alluding to sex. "I want a cap. And one of those Pandora bracelet things. We should both get one. Yes. It's practically our engagement."

Beatrice doesn't even comment. "Anything you want, Ava," she says. "Then maybe we can check out the Tomorrowland Stage."

"Oh, you want to see some other badass superheroes, hmm?"

"We're not superheroes, Ava."

"We kind of are, though," she immediately counters. "I've seen you with a sword, Bea. The Black Widow's got nothing on you."

Beatrice just shakes her head. "Finish your snack, there," she says. "We've got places to see, people to go."

Ava gives her a curious look. "That doesn't sound right."

"Doesn't it?"

Her smile widens, eyes filled with delight. "You are dangerous, aren't you?"

And Beatrice is one hundred percent telling the truth when she says, "Oh, my dear Ava, I can assure you that you haven't seen anything yet."

Ava jumps a little in her seat, giddy. "Promises, promises."

Beatrice intends to keep every one.

"The world seemed so small, before," Ava says, getting Beatrice's attention. She's standing perfectly still, looking over the edge of the Wall at the expanse of land before them, and Beatrice can feel her melancholy. "From my bed. All I really saw was the same room and the same people. Said and did all the same things. I knew there was a world outside, but I never imagined I could be part of it."

Beatrice drifts closer, ignoring the people around them. For some reason, in her mind, she thought the Great Wall would be empty. It always is, in those official pictures, but she and Ava clearly aren't the only tourists wanting to see this particular wonder.

Beatrice stands right beside her, their arms touching. "And yet here you are."

Ava looks at her. "Can you believe it?"

"Sometimes, no," Beatrice admits. "For myself, and for you."

Ava reaches for her hand, hidden between their bodies. "Diego and I used to watch National Geographic a lot," she explains. "We weren't allowed to watch much else when certain nuns were on duty, but Diego wanted to be an explorer when he grew up."

Beatrice meets her gaze. "What did you want to be?"

"Abled."

Beatrice squeezes her hand. "You're here, Ava," she says. "I know many people have questioned why the Halo chose you, because I know it did. It chose you. It wasn't an accident. Nothing ever is. I know there was a reason. I can't tell you what that reason is beyond my selfish desire to keep you, but I believe we should be comforted by the idea that there is a reason."

Ava's eyes study her face, taking in every one of her features. "You say these things, and then I'm somehow expected not to kiss you," she mutters.

Beatrice ducks her head. "When we get to Bali, you can kiss me all you want."

Ava's eyes widen. "Is that an invitation?"

"Only if you behave between now and then."

"I can be good," she declares.

"Do you even know what that means?"

Ava lifts herself up onto her toes, getting impossibly close to Beatrice. "I think you like me when I'm bad."

Beatrice's breath catches. "I like you all the time," she admits. "It's my biggest flaw."

"Well, we can't always be perfect, Bea."

She just hums, not willing to unpack what the implication of that particular word means for her. "Do you want to keep walking?" she asks.

Ava looks around, taking in their surroundings. "There are so many people here," she says, quietly. "Can we just stay here?"

"Of course."

Ava gets a bit closer, almost sandwiching herself between the front of Beatrice's body and the wall. "Did you travel a lot?" she asks. "Before."

"Within the UK, yes," Beatrice tells her. "And when I went to school, I got to see Switzerland. My parents tended to leave me behind for the other trips they went on, though."

"What were they like?"

"My parents?"

"Yes."

Beatrice gives it some thought. "They really weren't around much, and I didn't realise anything was wrong with the way I was raised," she begins. "It was normal, perhaps, in our social circles, to have nannies instead of parents. Not to be seen or heard. Not to exist unless specifically required for social gatherings. To learn every skill I could. To become as useful and talented as I could. To make them want to keep me."

"It didn't work?"

"I didn't even tell them I took my first vows," Beatrice confesses. "After I left school, it felt like the safest place for someone like me. There was discipline, a common goal to remain focused on. I could bury my head in books, give up their name, and try to be someone completely different to that helpless teenager who struggled so much with her identity." She takes a breath. "I don't think they've ever come looking for me. Maybe they were relieved finally to be rid of me."

Ava closes her eyes. "It's their loss," she murmurs, certain of it.

"My father enjoyed reading, though," Beatrice says. "I suppose you have to if you're going to study Law."

"Is that what you wanted to study?"

Beatrice hasn't been asked this question before with much seriousness. Never had to answer it honestly. "I wanted to be a doctor," she admits. "Ever since I was little. I used to get my nannies to pretend to be my patients."

"Cute."

"I solved all their ailments."

"I'm not even surprised."

Beatrice chuckles. "In high school, I actually thought of being an accountant," she says. "I really enjoy putting numbers in the correct places. Finding patterns and trends."

"You're the biggest nerd."

Beatrice hums. "I think my mother wanted another barrister, if I'm honest. It's likely one of the reasons they started me in Latin so young, but it would have helped with Medicine as well."

"It always catches me off guard just how much you have stored in that sexy brain of yours."

Beatrice shakes her head.

"All I've managed to remember is literally every little thing I've learned about you," Ava adds. "Nothing else is important."

Beatrice raises her eyebrows. "You remember how to fight, don't you?"

"Barely."

Beatrice looks out towards all the green around them. "Reckon we could find a spot out there and do some training?"

"Let's not."

"We've trained only once in ten days, Ava," she points out.

"And it was on The Nile," Ava tells her. "We couldn't not."

"If we create a distraction, we could probably scale down the side," Beatrice says, only half serious.

"I don't even want to think about what happens if we get caught," Ava says. "Since when am I the voice of reason?"

"We all have roles to play," Beatrice says, unable to stop her smile. "Though, I'm perfectly fine standing right here with you."

"Do you want to kiss me half as much as I want you to?"

"You keep bringing it up," Beatrice points out.

"I spend a lot of time thinking about it," Ava confesses, looking into Beatrice's eyes. "More than you do, apparently."

Beatrice frowns. "You think about it, and then you just keep thinking about it," she says. "When I think about you, kissing you, touching you, wanting you, I have to stop. I'm conditioned to stop."

"What if I told you that you don't have to?" Ava asks. "Bea, you're allowed to do all those things. There's no shame in it."

Beatrice looks at her now. "That's what Camila said to me," she says. "Right before she told me falling in love with the Warrior Nun is easy, but the difficult part is actually loving her. They're never ours, and they never last." Her jaw clenches. "And then you went and proved it immediately."

Ava drops her gaze slightly to take in the tightness in her jaw muscles. "You're mad at me."

"No."

"You are."

"I'm not," Beatrice insists. "I'm mad at the situation. I've always been mad at the situation, Ava. Never you. Never ever you."

"Even when I left the first time?" Ava asks. "When Mary came looking and found me, and I just didn't return with you. Were you mad then?"

"I didn't know how we were meant to be the OCS without the Halo," she says. "Without the Warrior Nun, I knew we couldn't win against whatever enemy we were meant to be fighting. I wasn't mad, Ava. I was helpless and a little sad, maybe a bit disappointed, but I also felt as if I failed you. I thought maybe you would have wanted to stay. I thought I'd done enough, but I know now that this is the life I chose for myself. It was just thrust at you, the alternative just not an option."

"Death."

"Which you've already accepted once before."

"Chances are high that there will be a day I might have to make that sacrifice again," Ava informs her.

"Then what are we even doing here, Ava?" Beatrice asks, voice tense. "If we're just going to have to go through it all over again in three months, what is the point? What happens to me, after? Why would you want to hurt me even more?"

Ava faces her now, turning her body around. "I did, didn't I?" she murmurs, a hand pressed to Beatrice's abdomen. "I hurt you."

"You left me."

"I can't promise I won't do it again," she says. "I already tried to pick you over the rest of the world, and you wouldn't let me." She tilts her head back, reminding them both of that painful moment. "You said no."

"That doesn't give you the permission to leave me," Beatrice says. "You don't get to make me love you, and then just die. That's not how it works. There's no giving up. You said it yourself, didn't you? They can't beat us. Not when we're together. So, no, if we're going to do this, and we are going to do this, then you are not allowed to do that to me again. We'll find a way to win. Do you hear me?"

Ava just stares at her.

"I don't want just another Warrior Nun," Beatrice says. "I want you. I want Ava Silva, and I want you to live."

Ava grabs both her hands, squeezing them tightly. "We need to go back to the hotel," she says. "We can't keep having these kinds of conversations in public."

"I think public is the only place we can have them," Beatrice points out. "You keep wanting to jump me."

"It's my biggest flaw."

Beatrice wraps her in a sudden hug, pressing her against the wall. "We should go," Beatrice agrees, breathing out harshly, and then they're moving, escaping the gathered crowds. Ava grabs onto the back of Beatrice's shirt, holding the fabric in her fist, making sure they remain connected.

Beatrice knows nothing is going to happen today. Ava must know it too, because they actually stop to get dinner at one of the many fusion restaurants in the city, Ava ordering three different seafood dishes.

"I can't wait to try the seaweed dish," Ava says, bouncing in her seat. "What does it taste like?"

"The sea," Beatrice offers with a patient smile.

Ava leans over, her chopsticks in her hands. Beatrice has slowly been teaching her how to use them, but she generally just reverts to a spoon in most cases. Even a knife and fork requires too much dexterity at times, and Beatrice finds her impatience adorable.

"Show me again."

It's an opportunity to touch Ava, which she jumps at. She covers Ava's right hand with both of her own, positioning the chopsticks correctly. "This one should be a bit loose," she says. "It's basically the pivot. You use it to pick up… like… this." She works through the action, picking up a rolled napkin, and Ava gives her a happy smile.

"You're so good to me," she murmurs, and Beatrice knew it was a mistake to have Ava sit beside her instead of opposite.

"I don't know how else to be."

And Ava's expression shifts, turning to mischief. "You're going to have to learn how to be a little bad to me, though," she says. "I think I might like it."

"And we're back to this," Beatrice says with a roll of her eyes.

"It's basically exposure training, isn't it?" Ava says. "Diego and I learned about that. The more I bring it up, the more you'll get used to it."

"What exactly is it?" she asks.

Ava drops her voice, only for Beatrice to hear. "I really, really want to touch you," she says, spreading her fingers across the table. "It's now my favourite sense. I want all the sensations, Bea, and I want them with you."

Beatrice forces herself to keep breathing steadily, her eyes lifting when their waiter delivers their tray of food. It's one thing she's figured out about China: the food arrives quickly, always hot and always tasty.

Ava's tortured her enough, thankfully, because she leans away and smiles in thanks at their waiter. Beatrice says a few words in Mandarin, thankful for at least those lessons, and then they're left alone again.

Ava is valiant in her effort to use her chopsticks, managing for nearly eight minutes before she gives up and uses a fork. Beatrice loves her even more. Truly. It just feels as if it's growing and growing and likely won't stop. She hopes, at least.

Beatrice dishes some rice and a sticky vegetable dish onto her plate. There's a piped white mash she doesn't recognise, which is a very new texture and taste for her, and Ava clearly loves that Beatrice is learning right along with her.

By the time they make it back to their hotel room, their initial desire to escape the Great Wall has faded. Ava just gives her hand a squeeze before disappearing into the bathroom to shower, and Beatrice checks in with Camila. She keeps their communication strictly only by text, because she's convinced Camila will be able to tell Beatrice isn't devastated by Ava's disappearance just by her voice.

Camila replies immediately, offering her own updates on the new recruits, Father Vincent, and Mother Superion. Since the Halo essentially healed her, Mother Superion has been able to take a more hands-on approach to training, filling a void Beatrice has left alongside Dora.

Speaking of, she and Ava really need to find some time and space to do some training. It wouldn't do to enter the upcoming Holy War unprepared.

Do you know when you'll be back? Camila asks, as she usually does.

Beatrice tells only the truth when she responds with, Only when Ava is.

Ava, who emerges from the bathroom in only a white, fluffy towel, knowing full well she's giving Beatrice a heart attack. She's quick to disappear into the bathroom herself, needing the time and space to clear her head and get her body to calm.

Nothing is going to happen.

It doesn't mean it's not torture to step out of the bathroom ten minutes later and find that Ava is still in said towel. She's lying on Beatrice's bed, her journal in her lap, and she looks up when Beatrice emerges.

"There's exposure," Beatrice says, "But this seems like you're taking it too far."

"Is it working?"

"Are you going to sleep like that?"

"Nope."

Beatrice watches her carefully. "You're going to sleep naked, aren't you?"

Ava grins. "I've thought about it," she admits. "Will you still hold me if I do?"

Beatrice instantly flushes, trying not to run from the idea of such a thing.

"Thought so," Ava says, rolling off the bed and hopping towards her selection of clothes. They're going to need to get some warmer clothing for when they drop to the Southern Hemisphere, which will be colder temperatures this time of year.

"We still have things to talk about," Beatrice says, moving behind Ava and pulling back the covers on the bed. Without much thought, she slips in, leaving room for Ava. "I want to know what happened on the other side."

In the end, Ava doesn't actually tell her anything about it until they're in Bali a few days later. They've splurged, quietly thanking Jillian, and pick a lovely, five-star resort called Melia Bali. Their room is on the ground floor, decently far from the reception and right in the midst of what they learn is a wedding party.

On their first day, Ava actually manages to get them both invited to said wedding, the bride and groom so quickly charmed by Ava that Beatrice wonders if personable skills is just another gift from the Halo.

They spend eleven days in Bali, immersing themselves in the cuisine and culture. They swim in the wonderful, amazing pool, tour the contoured rice fields, visit temples and watch traditional shows, spend money on caps and sunscreen, and take dozens of pictures.

It's one night when they're strolling on the beach after they've had dinner that Ava says, "You said Lilith mentioned the Holy War?"

"She did," Beatrice confirms, holding the straps of both their pairs of shoes in her left hand, her right swinging along with Ava's left. The beach, itself, is empty of people, the weather humid, and the moon high up in the sky.

"Did she tell you anything else?"

"No."

Ava lets go of her hand, moving further ahead and turning to walk backwards. "It was a strange place," she says. "Like, one of those places you know isn't known. Everything was foreign, but I didn't - you don't eat there, and you don't have to use the bathroom. You don't even actually need to sleep."

That's definitely news to Beatrice. "How long were you there?"

"After I fully healed and was lucid enough, I counted forty-five days."

Beatrice blinks. "I had to live without you for ninety minutes."

"I rather focused on what I could learn," Ava tells her. "If I could think of that, and try to figure out a way to get back, then I could stop myself from thinking of you, and our last moments together."

Beatrice takes a deep breath, not wanting to think about that, either. "Who is Reya?"

"I don't know, exactly," Ava admits. "Lilith couldn't say, and neither could Adriel. All I know is they're both afraid of her. Adriel referred to her as his Master. I believe he stole the Halo from her, but I also think that the two of them might have stolen the Halo from some other being, and she sent Michael here to take out Adriel in the same way Adriel wanted to bring her here to destroy her.

"The same way he believed he couldn't be killed in this world, she cannot be killed in that one. Which is why I believe the Holy War, whatever it is, will happen here. Without Adriel, it's the most even playing field. This is where we'll defeat the enemy that we still don't know."

Beatrice digests this all with a furrowed brow. "Are we going to talk about the other thing?"

"What other thing?"

Beatrice turns her head towards a small shack on the beach. During the day, it sells ice-cream, but it's closed now. On its side, right now, though, is a painted image of Ava during her descent to place the Crown of Thorns on Adriel's head. They've seen this same image in every place they've been, talk of the girl with the circle of light in her back on the tips of people's tongues right throughout. Before now, they've dutifully ignored it all, but it can't be escaped forever.

The people will want someone to rally behind. They know there's a figure out there, someone who would fight the good fight, someone who is neither a prophet nor a religious figurehead. Ava.

"I don't know what to do with that," Ava admits. "I'm trying not to think about it."

"There is a lore growing around you," Beatrice says, because she's seen replays of their televised fight. She's seen Michael reaching for Ava too many times; has seen herself tackle Ava away, just prolonging Ava's life. Thankfully, Ava's face wasn't ever properly seen, which has allowed them to exist in the world as it is, but -

Ava stops walking. "What am I supposed to do?" she asks.

"We need a plan," Beatrice says as she comes to a stop as well. "We're going to have to use it to our advantage, Ava, because when this War comes, we won't be able to hide it. Recent events have proven that. We need the world on our side. We won't be able to win alone."

"I don't want more people to die," Ava says, suddenly quiet.

Beatrice reaches for her face with her free hand, cradling her cheek. "I know," she says. "I know."

"I don't want you to die," she says. "I can't handle the thought of anything happening to you, Bea. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. I don't know how to reconcile that with not sacrificing myself if it means you get to live. Please don't ask me to do that."

"You can't tell me to be selfish and then give me conditions," Beatrice points out. "You can't tell me to live my life and then not be in it. That's not fair, and I know life isn't fair, but you've already made me give you up before, so I'm asking you not to do it again."

They stare at each other now, Ava's eyes determined and Beatrice's jaw clenched.

"What do we do, then?" Ava asks, because they're clearly at an impasse. "Right now, what do we do?"

Beatrice takes a breath, finally turning her head to look out to the water. The reflection makes it difficult to see the waterbed, but she can see the line of buoys signalling the net. It's a sudden impulse, really, to touch one of them.

Beatrice drops their shoes, and then grabs Ava's hand, pulling her towards the water. She stumbles slightly, but then she skips a little to catch up. Her fingers interlace with Beatrice's, and then they're in the water, soft sand beneath their feet.

"I can't see where I'm stepping," Ava suddenly says, and Beatrice turns them around, walking backward so they can see their feet. "Gosh, you're such an ass-kicking genius."

Beatrice laughs softly. "My two best qualities, huh?"

"Maybe most notable, but not your best, by far," Ava says, and she sounds so very serious. "You're - do you know what I first thought when I saw you?"

"At Jillian's lab?"

"No, at Cat's Cradle," Ava says. "That first dinner, when I sat next to you, did you ever wonder why?"

"I always thought it was because I was the only one not actually looking at you," Beatrice answers, glancing over her shoulder to gauge how much further they have to go.

"Perhaps it was partly that," Ava allows. "But it was also that, when you did look at me, your eyes were always kind. You were always so kind, and understanding, and just lovely, Bea. I know it couldn't have been easy for you, and I was - I didn't figure it out then."

"Figure what out?"

"That I was suddenly part of something," she says. "That I was dropped into a group of badass women and it was exactly what I didn't realise I was waiting for my whole useless life."

Beatrice stops moving quite abruptly, the water now up to her knees. "Don't say that," she says. "Never ever say something like that."

"It's true, though," Ava counters. "And it's fine, Bea. I was nothing, you know? Nobody. A burden to all those around me. Not a single person claimed me. Nobody came looking. I was left behind and forced to find any kind of joy in a joyless word, and then I died, and I woke up here, with legs and life, and now I get to feel the ocean and hold your hand and tell you that I don't care that I was useless before, because I'm everything but now."

"Stop."

Ava looks at her, confused.

"We don't want you around just because you're useful," Beatrice tells her, an echo to her own feelings about her own life with her parents and sometimes with the OCS. "I told you I don't want just the Warrior Nun. I don't want you to put your value in that, because you're still Ava the same way Shannon was Shannon. So, please, you have a purpose, yes, but that isn't all you are."

Ava blinks up at her. "Are you about to tell me all the little reasons you love me?" she questions, a hint of a smile on her lips.

Beatrice turns around, the line of buoys about a metre from them. "Touch one," she says.

"What?"

Beatrice shifts forward, unafraid. With her right hand, she presses two fingers to one of the yellow and red floating balls, and then looks back at Ava. "Come on," she says, "touch one."

Ava doesn't move. "What if I don't?" she asks. "What if, because I don't touch it, you and I have to come back here?"

"We're coming back whether you touch it or not," Beatrice points out.

Ava laughs, unable to stop herself, and then she's stepping forward and bouncing one of the balls. It's quick, her hand springing back, and then she's splashing Beatrice, giggling at her shocked expression.

"Race you back to the beach," Ava tells her, shrieking when Beatrice suddenly lunges for her. She manages to dodge, taking off towards the shore, Beatrice hot on her trail.

They both know that Ava could employ the Halo and easily outrun her, but the two of them rather wade through the water, Beatrice right behind her, and Ava almost lets herself get caught, the two of them collapsing into the shallow water, laughter all around them.

Beatrice holds her close, the two of them getting soaked as they roll, picking up sand and a few small shells. The air is hot and humid, the water cool on their skin, and Beatrice knows this is almost the perfect night for their second first kiss. They even lock eyes, Beatrice pressing Ava into the sand, her intent clear. And she would - she really would - if they didn't hear approaching voices, and then nearly the entire wedding party steps onto their previously-empty beach.

"Ava!" one of the groomsmen shouts out when they're spotted.

Beatrice groans and Ava chuckles. She gently pats Beatrice's cheek, which prompts her to move, and then the two of them are clambering to their feet, dripping water.

"Whoa," the same groomsmen, Oliver, says. "Guess you two had the same idea as us."

"A midnight swim?" Ava guesses.

It's the bride, Angelina, who says, "It's the least crazy thing they can agree on," with a little impatience. "I'd rather my husband-to-be not end up in jail or the hospital."

Said husband-to-be, Freddie, just grins and kisses her cheek. "I would never jeopardise our wedding, babe," he assures her, and then he's moving, several people following after him, all of them getting even further into the water than where Ava and Beatrice took their dip.

Angelina studies them closely. "You will be at the wedding, won't you?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Ava promises, which is why they actually spend the next morning shopping for suitable attire to wear to a destination wedding. Angelina assured them it isn't traditional in any sense of the word. Shoes aren't even required. The ceremony is meant to be on the beach, and then the reception in the hotel's bigger ballroom.

"Apparently, there's an international maths competition going on in the larger one," Beatrice says, standing just outside the dressing rooms as Ava tries on a red dress behind a curtain.

"Oh, is that why there are a bunch of prepubescent kids running around every night?" Ava says.

"I'm surprised you haven't made friends with them," Beatrice teases. "You'd have so much in common."

Ava sticks her head out, pouting. "I suck at maths."

"That's why you have me."

Her expression softens. "I suppose I'm decent at languages," she says, "So we share at least that."

"I think you're more than decent," Beatrice assures her. "You picked up German so quickly."

"You're a very good teacher," Ava tells her, winking for good measure, and then disappears again. When she re-emerges, she's in her red dress, looking more beautiful than she's allowed to, and Beatrice can't form words.

Ava is visibly pleased by this. "We'll take it," she declares. "Now, what are you going to wear?"

Beatrice doesn't do dresses, so she's relieved when Ava doesn't try to put her in one. Instead, they find some black trousers than fit her frame surprisingly well. Ava even makes an appreciative sound, her fingers hooked into the belt loops even while they're still on Beatrice.

"And for the top," Ava muses, studying Beatrice like some kind of predator. Her gaze lingers on her abdomen, her chest, her arms, and her neck, before she finally looks at her face. "I have an idea."

Beatrice says no at first, but then Ava convinces her to try it, and the satisfied look on Ava's face is worth every second. It's just that Beatrice never imagined wearing a waistcoat without any shirt beneath it, and her voice shakes a little as she reveals this to Ava.

Ava, who gently squeezes her exposed arm, and says, "We're not at the convent anymore, Bea," like they're the words she thinks Beatrice needs to hear. "If you're really uncomfortable, we can get a shirt too, but you look - " she stops and takes a quick breath. "You look really good," she finally says, lifting onto her toes to kiss Beatrice's cheek, and then moving away in search of a shirt for her.

Beatrice goes back into the dressing room to change, her mind racing. It's been difficult to discern what parts of her decisions are due to the modesty of her first vows, or just attributed to the type of person she is. She's still figuring it out, Ava at her side, and she's trying to enjoy what she's learning. She has to remind herself there's no shame.

There's no shame in having desires. But is there shame in acting on them? She didn't get to that part with Camila. Maybe she should ask, just to be sure. Just to have someone other than Ava tell her it's okay to want to kiss a woman, and then actually do it.

When Beatrice comes back out, Ava is waiting, her dress draped over her one arm and a white shirt held up with the other for Beatrice's inspection.

If they end up leaving without the shirt, it's a miracle Ava makes no comment on it.

YOU AND AVA KISSED!?

Beatrice. I can't believe this. When? What? Why did I have to hear about this from Yasmine? Beatrice.

Beatrice!

I can't believe you didn't tell me…

Are you okay?

How are you feeling?

I'm here if ever you want to talk.

I KNEW IT!

I KNEW AVA HAD TO LOVE YOU TOO. THERE WERE JUST HEART EYES EVERYWHERE WE LOOKED.

Beatrice, respond already.

Beatrice?

Truthfully, there's a tiny part of Beatrice that wants to throw her phone into the ocean. She specifically didn't mention the kiss to Camila while she was with her for this exact reason. Imagine if Beatrice was actually in her presence, she'd never be able to hide anything.

Even now, staring at her phone, Ava looks over, eyebrows raised in question. Without an explanation, Beatrice turns the phone towards her, the two of them seated in chairs as they wait for the wedding ceremony to begin. Ava reads quickly, and then she laughs, her hand settling over Beatrice's.

"Someone's in trouble," she whispers, leaning in close to her. "Camila wants answers, Bea. What are you going to tell her?"

Beatrice hasn't spent much time thinking about it. When she escaped without queries before, and when she realised Yasmine didn't offer any unnecessary information, she just took it for granted the kiss would remain among the three of them forever. But now Camila knows, and Ava is asking her to explain it.

For now, Beatrice glances over her shoulder, trying to gauge how much longer before the bride begins her walk. Then she says, "You caught me by surprise."

"Did I, really?" Ava counters.

"There was already so much happening," she says. "You didn't take us to the Arc. You chose for me and Yasmine to go with you to the fake location. Why?"

Here, Ava looks away, and they both know she chose them for a very specific reason. "To keep you safe," she finally says. "Yasmine didn't sign up for all of that, and I just - with you - I needed you to be away from all the action. I needed the time and space to say goodbye to you."

"I would have fought you."

"You certainly tried," Ava recalls, the two of them thinking about Beatrice's attempt to take the Crown. It wouldn't have even mattered if she succeeded or not, because it was no longer part of the plan. Beatrice just didn't know that at the time. "But I guess my kiss is all powerful, hmm? Stopped you in your tracks, huh?"

Beatrice can't say she's at the point where they can joke about it quite yet. Not when there's still so much they need to talk about. Not when they can't quite agree on what their future holds for them.

Ava must be able to read it in her expression, because her own softens with understanding. "You should tell her that you're still trying to figure out how you feel about it."

"But I'm not."

"You're not?"

Beatrice looks down at her phone, trying to put together a suitable message in her mind. She's normally very good with words, but describing her feelings when it comes to Ava gets her a bit stuck.

In the end, Beatrice ends up snapping a picture of Freddie and Angelina on the beach, hands clasped as they beam at each other and vow to love each other forever, and sends it to Camila with the caption, I attended a wedding today, can you believe it? Then, in a separate text, she sends, Camila, I don't think I can answer all your questions right now, but I do know that whatever comes in my future with Ava: it's something close to what I just witnessed. You probably won't believe me, but it all caught me surprise. Maybe I'm still trying to make sense of it, but she's the reason I'm taking this time. When I have answers, I promise you'll be the second (after Ava) to know. Be nice to Yasmine - she was probably more surprised than I was!

Beatrice shows Ava what she's sent when they get to the reception, Ava taking the phone as she does a twirl, unable to stop smiling. It hasn't faded once, getting impossibly wider as Freddie and Angelina exchanged their vows, looking over at Beatrice with teary eyes.

Truthfully, Beatrice isn't sure what to expect when she shows the words to her, but she reads them, stops twirling, and stops smiling. For a terrifying moment, Beatrice's worried she's said the wrong thing. Wait. Did she give them away? Is part of Ava showing in the picture she sent?

But then Ava steps up to her and quietly asks, "Do you really mean that?"

Beatrice frowns. "Which part?"

"The first part," she says. "Or the second. All of it."

"Which part?" Beatrice asks again.

"You'd want something like this?" she questions. "With me?"

"A wedding?"

"Marriage, Bea."

Beatrice blinks. "Oh. I said that, didn't I?"

"You did."

"I didn't think about it."

"Have you ever?"

"What?"

"Thought about getting married."

Beatrice takes a breath. This is an unexpected turn of events, bringing to light something she really hasn't spent much time - or any all all - thinking about. "I don't really have much of an example to base it on," she says. "I didn't really see myself in any kind of relationship. It was too terrifying. And, when I took my vows, I didn't have to."

"But now…?"

"But now, maybe there's a chance," she allows. "Maybe I'll be able to think about it now."

Ava gets closer, her hands reaching for Beatrice's front pockets and hooking her fingers into them. "You should," she says, quietly enough that Beatrice's heart rate rises. "You should definitely think about it."

Beatrice audibly swallows. "Have you thought about it?" she asks in turn.

"Diego and I used to fantasise about it," she admits. "We'd get a castle up in the hills, with the loves of our lives. We'd have lots of little children, giving them all tons of brothers and sisters. We wanted lots of animals too, and a massive library. He wanted one of those aquariums as well, and I always wanted a dog."

"I didn't know that."

"You think you'd like something like that?" Ava asks, sounding very serious.

"A dog?"

"Life in a castle up in the hills?" she clarifies. "With me?"

"Don't forget Diego."

"I haven't."

Beatrice leans forward, pressing her forehead to Ava's. "I think I would definitely like something like that," she says, and she means it. Maybe this is an unknown future they could plan for.

Ava kisses her cheek, dangerously close to her mouth. Even though Beatrice gave her blanket permission to kiss her whenever she wants in Bali, Ava hasn't. She's touched and implied things, but that's it.

Maybe Ava's waiting on her.

Maybe a lot of things.

"Good," Ava says now, stepping back. "I expect a lot of dancing. Freddie and Angelina seem like they know how to throw a good party."

It turns out to be the truth, the reception turning into one of the greatest nights of all their collective lives. They do the speeches first, of course, with toasts from various family members and friends. Then there's the first dance, the served dinner, a few more speeches, and then the alcohol.

Freddie's groomsmen are very much yes-people, basically all walking hazards, and Ava willingly throws herself right into the mix, shoes abandoned and joyous delight on her face. Beatrice watches, helplessly in love, as she spins on the dance floor, finding her kin in a bunch of frat boys from Pennsylvania. It's probably one of Beatrice's greatest accomplishments, to be able to put that smile there.

It's actually Angelina who comes to fetch her, pulling the bride card to get her to join the mosh pit on the dance floor, sandwiching her between a man who appears to be her father and one of her younger sisters.

Beatrice has been so concerned with getting Ava to let go that she needs the reminder for herself from time to time. For now, Angelina screams it in her face over the sound of Beyoncé, and Beatrice complies, jumping when everyone else does, even though she doesn't know the lyrics.

When Ava finds her, they're both a bit sweaty and breathless, but she gets close, hands touching Beatrice's skin like she's the only one allowed to - which she is - and the air is hot and charged and -

"Why are you such a good dancer?" Ava asks, shouting over the music.

"I think I'm just a good fighter," Beatrice reveals, accepting that those two things are quite heavily linked.

Ava just smiles, getting even closer and wrapping her arms around Beatrice's neck. The song hasn't actually slowed, but Ava has, which means Beatrice has, arms slipping around Ava's waist. She can feel her heart beating in her fingertips, the two of them swaying to a different beat, just content to hold each other.

Beatrice is sure there will be many pictures of them taken by this wedding party and, when the War does come, she hopes Freddie and Angelina will get a kick out of knowing Ava was here.

Ava hugs her closer, breath warm against her neck. "Thank you," she whispers.

"For what?"

Ava's one hand works into her hair, her lips pressing a kiss to Beatrice's neck, and maybe that's an answer enough.

They never really did need words, anyway.

Ava gets drunk on their first night in Singapore.

Beatrice knows she didn't mean to, but they've been at the rooftop bar for only five minutes before some guy starts grandstanding about Adriel, and Ava ends up having a few too many Singapore Slings.

It gets slightly out of hand, some other people in the bar disagreeing with him, and Beatrice ends up caught in a brawl that breaks out, and she's forced to punch a handful of people before she and Ava can escape.

Ava finds it all deathly amusing, and Beatrice does not. By the time they return to their hotel room, Ava has sobered enough to notice, sitting on the edge of their bed and asking, "What do you think would have happened if he won?"

Beatrice peels off her jersey, wet from the remnants of a thrown drink. "We would have not let that happen."

"I know," Ava says. "But what if we really had gone to the Alps? What do you think would have happened?"

Beatrice sets her jersey aside, reaching for a towel. Maybe she should just shower. "Why are you asking?"

"I think about it," Ava says, swaying slightly, even seated. "Our world's demise. If I could have just watched it happen. If I would have regretted it."

"Whatever life we ended up with wouldn't have been worth much," Beatrice says. "I don't think we ever could have truly escaped."

"But didn't you want to?" Ava asks; almost demands.

Beatrice turns to face her, noting the glassiness of her eyes and the pout of her mouth. She looks so young like this. Just a girl, the weight of the world in her back. The one thing keeping her living at a hefty price.

"Do you really think I said no because I didn't want to?" Beatrice asks, because this definitely isn't the first time Ava has brought this up. She seems stuck here, as if she believes Beatrice would have wanted to be apart from her at any time in her life.

"You said no," Ava reminds her, and there's the slightest whine in her voice. Maybe from the alcohol, but maybe also from finally revealing her feelings on the matter. It hurt her to hear Beatrice say no.

Beatrice audibly swallows, and then moves to kneel in front of Ava, a hand on her knee. "Ava Silva," she murmurs, "Look at me."

It takes a moment, but Ava eventually does.

"I love you," Beatrice says, because it's getting easier and easier to say but harder and harder not to hear said back. "I have loved you for a long time. I did not tell you no because I don't want to spend my life with you. I did not tell you no because I was in any way disappointed in the fact we failed that time. I did not tell you no because I was mad at you." She takes a breath. "Ava, I said no, because it was my duty, my privilege, and my honour to continue to fight. To stand forth and be counted, for my fallen Sisters, for God, for myself, and for you. For the entire stupid world."

Ava lets out a watery laugh. "The world is pretty dumb, isn't it?"

"So dumb."

Ava touches Beatrice's face now, fingers gentle. "I don't know why it bothers me so much."

"Before, the old Ava, before we wormed our way into your beautiful heart, you would have taken off, anyway," Beatrice points out. "It wouldn't have mattered what I said. Maybe you wouldn't have even asked, so I think you're hung up on it mostly because of what it says about you and not what it says about our relationship."

Ava spends a few moments turning that over, and then she sighs. "I couldn't leave without you," she says. "I wanted to take you all with me."

"Your family."

"My family."

Beatrice turns her head to place a kiss to Ava's left palm. Then she grimaces. "Gross."

Ava pulls her hands back, staring at them. "Sorry," she says. "They're pretty gross. I think that's from a strawberry daiquiri."

"I'm thinking of showering."

Ava suddenly grins. "Want some company?"

Beatrice's instinct is to say no. It's right there on the tip of her tongue, but she ends up surprising them both when she says, "Actually, yes."

Ava actually chokes on air, her eyes widening. "What?"

Beatrice smiles innocently, lifting herself to her feet and walking towards the bathroom. She removes her shoes on the way, grabs a towel and disappears inside. She's trying not to overthink it. Ava will join her or Ava won't. For now, Beatrice really does want to get off all the stickiness, so she turns on the shower, adjusting the temperature, and then begins to strip.

Beatrice is already under the shower spray when there's a loud knock on the open bathroom door, and she sticks her head out of the glass door, spotting Ava standing there, still dressed.

"Were you kidding?" Ava asks.

"No."

"And you're actually naked in there?"

"Like most people on Earth, I do tend to shower naked, Ava," Beatrice says, smiling. "Do you do something different?"

"I - no."

"Are you going to join me?"

"I don't know."

Beatrice just nods. "Well, whatever you decide, I'll be here," she says, and then returns to the spray. It feels oddly empowering being on this end of whatever they're doing. Usually, she's the one wrong-footed, but Ava's the one seemingly struggling.

It takes another two and a half minutes, Beatrice washing shampoo out of her hair, when there's another knock, this time on the glazed glass of the shower door.

Beatrice's heart does a little jump in her chest, but she does open it to reveal a very naked, sheepish-looking Ava Silva. Beatrice keeps her gaze on Ava's eyes, barely, as she steps back to let her inside.

And then they are. Inside. Water hot against their skin, steam in the air, hearts beating a mile a minute.

It's Ava who says, "Can I look?" like it really matters what Beatrice answers.

All Beatrice can really do is nod, which Ava uses as permission to let her gaze wander. Beatrice can feel it like a physical touch, very aware she's completely bare and completely on display.

"Bea," Ava says after a moment. "You're beautiful."

Beatrice closes her eyes, water beating down on her shoulder. "Yeah. I - we should get your hair washed."

Ava is smiling when Beatrice opens her eyes again. "Are you offering?"

"Sure."

They shuffle around, not quite comfortable touching, and Ava ends up directly under the spray as Beatrice gathers some shampoo on her hands. She tries not to think about the fact she's about to touch a very naked Ava. Nope. Doesn't even cross her mind.

Ava turns around, back to Beatrice. "I think I need another haircut," she says, just as Beatrice's hands get to work, massaging her scalp. "It's so much easier to manage, and I think you find me hotter with it shorter."

Beatrice definitely doesn't comment on that, her hands working down to Ava's neck and massaging the muscles there. The sound she makes forces Beatrice to hold her breath. Then Ava's shoulders, working the kinks out as best she can. Her hands move down Ava's arms, fingers pressing into her biceps and triceps.

Ava sighs, shoulders relaxing. "Can I?" she asks, and Beatrice answers, "Yes," without asking a follow-up question. She thinks she should have when Ava steps back, their bodies touching.

Beatrice's breath catches, her grip tightening on Ava's arms. Ava leans against her, Beatrice's front to Ava's back, and she can feel the outline of the Halo against her own skin. It's warm and soft, and Beatrice can't think. What even are thoughts?

"Can you?" Ava asks again, and Beatrice abandons her arms to slide her hands around her bare hips, coming to rest over her smooth stomach. Ava's hands cover hers, squeezing gently. "Are you okay?"

"I'm still breathing, if that's what you're asking."

Ava laughs, tilting her head back to rest it against Beatrice's shoulder. She turns her head slightly, trying to look at her. "You can move your hands, if you want," she offers. "I want you to."

It takes her a moment, trying to steel herself. It's Ava. It's just Ava. With a deep breath, Beatrice takes a small step forward, curling her own body around Ava's. Then her hands move, one up and one down, and Ava gasps.

Beatrice touches her gently, a hand over her hip, slipping over the top of her thigh. The other, under Ava's guidance, settles over one of Ava's breasts and gently squeezes. They both gasp now, and Ava leans against her even more. They just stand there for a moment, breathing together.

It's all Beatrice can handle, really, and Ava must realise it, because she uses her own hands to remove Beatrice's. And then she rinses her own hair of shampoo, Beatrice watching her like she's not real. It's conditioner next, both of them smiling at the absurdity of just showering together.

"I really like the body wash you use," Ava tells her. "It makes you smell so good."

"I never used to use it," Beatrice says, because she gave up these things when she joined the convent. "Everything used to be generic. Simple."

"And now you smell like peppermint and thyme."

Beatrice smiles.

"Bet you taste like it too."

Said smile freezes on her face.

Ava laughs, lifting up to press a kiss to Beatrice's jaw. "This has been a really great day, Bea," she says. "Thank you for trusting me with this. With you. I don't - I never want to rush you."

"I don't feel rushed," Beatrice assures her.

"Good." She presses fingers to Beatrice's collarbone, turning her slightly. "Now, my turn to get the conditioner out."

Beatrice buys Camila a keychain with a merlion on it, merely adding to the collection of trinkets she's gathering for their friend. Ava is sufficiently fascinated by the mythical creature, half mermaid half lion.

"It's basically me," she says, smiling in wonder.

"Sure thing, Ava," Beatrice easily agrees. They've spent the day looking at birds, and then spent the early evening watching the most amazing water and lights show, which basically means that Ava is starving. Beatrice could go for a big bowl of noodles right about now, as well, which is what they end up doing.

"Do you think I'll ever get the hang of chopsticks?" Ava asks, eyes a little wide when their respective bowls arrive at their table. They're roughly the size of their heads, filled to the brim, and Beatrice wonders if they'll actually be able to finish.

"One day, I'm sure," Beatrice tells her. "With more practice."

"I'll make sure to keep you around to check if I'm doing it right."

"I do have my uses."

Ava's foot slides across the floor until it's pressed to one of hers. "Next time I need my hair washed, hmm, I'll definitely remember that."

Beatrice can't help her blush, the reminder of their shower escapades casually brought into conversation. "We wasted a lot of water."

"Imagine if we were doing something else in there."

"Ava."

She smiles, deeply pleased with herself. "You turned a little dangerous there, you know," she says. "Got me all hot and bothered, and you weren't even trying."

"Your skin is so soft."

Ava's smile widens. "It loves your hands," she says. "I love your hands."

Beatrice forces herself to take a breath, lifting her spoon with her left hand to sip some broth. "How are you feeling about leaving here?" she asks.

Ava presses her lips together in thought. "Should I be feeling any such way?"

"Not really."

"I'm keen for our next adventure, definitely, but it has been nice here," she says. "It's like a lovely mix of cultures. Can't quite figure it out."

"There's a lovely mix where we're going next, as well," Beatrice points out, and she isn't even wrong. Any country with eleven official languages is going to have a hotpot of identities to reconcile.

Though, admittedly, when they do arrive in Johannesburg, South Africa, the biggest thing on their mind is working through their jet lag. A six hour difference takes at least a day and a half to get over, but then Ava is on a mission.

It doesn't take Beatrice long to realise Ava quite likes this place. She loves the food, and the people. She loves the fact that they drive on the left side of the road, and she absolutely adores how much of a cultural pot they're in.

"This place is the friendliest place we've ever been," Ava declares, the two of them finding a table in a Starbucks at a place called Sandton City. "Why are they so nice?"

Beatrice suspects any answer she comes up with could include an entire history lesson about the country's political past. "Maybe they just are."

Ava looks across at her, sipping her matcha white mocha latte. "You don't look as tired," she points out.

"Thank you."

She grins. "But still insanely gorgeous."

Beatrice leans back, looking around. There truly is quite a mix of people around them, every kind of person, young and old, alone and in groups, and Beatrice is just going to enjoy it.

They have plans, now that they've acclimated, mainly to the time difference and the change in weather. There's an amusement park they want to visit, intent on touring the old gold mines as well. Then there's a trip to Sun City scheduled, Ava trying and failing to convince Beatrice to play golf - which won't happen. And then they're going to the Kruger National Park, which Ava is the most excited about. Between the two of them, they've seen very little in terms of wild animals, and it's an experience Beatrice is especially keen for.

But first, they're here at Nelson Mandela Square, the two of them exploring in one of those quiet, lazy ways that makes Beatrice want to grab onto the moment and not let go. For now, she grabs onto Ava, sliding her hand onto Ava's leg and just resting it there.

Ava smiles, happy and free, and it's the most beautiful thing Beatrice has ever seen. "You're honestly my favourite person in the world."

It's unexpected, and Beatrice lifts her eyebrows. "What did I do?"

"You exist."

"Hmm."

Ava puts her hand over Beatrice's on her leg. "Tell me something."

"Okay."

"What is your name?"

Beatrice laughs, shaking her head. "Don't tell me you haven't actually peeked at my passport."

"I swear I didn't," she says. "It's why I'm asking."

"What would it change if you knew?"

Ava grins. "Well, then I'd know what to scream in the throes of ecstasy," she says, enjoying getting to scandalise Beatrice a little too much.

Beatrice attempts to take her hand back, but Ava holds on tightly.

"No," she says. "Stay. I want you to touch me."

Beatrice audibly swallows. "Beatrice is the name I took when I entered the novitate," she explains. "It's the time you typically get assigned a name. Sometimes, you can suggest one, so I suggested Beatrice."

"Why?"

Beatrice fights her blush. "I felt like I was locked up, before," she says. "Me, as a person. Whom I was. This person who so many people tried so hard to hide from the world. When I started looking at Saints, she came up. Beatrice da Silva, the patron saint of prisoners."

Ava stares, and then blinks one, two, three times. "Did you say Beatrice da Silva?"

Beatrice drinks from her cappuccino, not daring to speak.

"Bea," Ava says, leaning forward. "Silva."

"Yes."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"We were meant to be."

Beatrice leans forward as well, the two of them getting alarmingly close. "You really believe that, don't you?"

"Don't you?" Ava counters.

Beatrice kisses her cheek. "I believe many things," she says, and then moves back. "Do you really want to know my name?"

"Only if you want to tell me."

Beatrice gives it some thought, trying to decide how she would feel if Ava knows. It isn't some big secret. It's just that Beatrice is her name now. The person she was before she took her first vows doesn't exist. She likely never will again.

"Tell me on our wedding day," Ava tells her, smiling. "Yeah. When we get married, tell me then."

"That's awfully presumptuous of you."

"I like to think it's hopeful of me."

Beatrice squeezes her leg, getting another smile. "Deal," she finally agrees, and decidedly doesn't think about the implications.

They see the Big Five.

Truthfully, neither of them knows what that even means until they're on an early morning game drive in the middle of the Kruger National Park and their guide explains it to them. There are five great, big animals to be on the lookout for, the most popular in Africa, and the two of them get to see all of them.

Lions, elephants, rhinos, leopards, and buffalos. And giraffes, if one considers it a Big Six. It's terrifying and exciting, and Ava sits far too close to her, seeking warmth in the cold air, the two of them marvelling at the world around them.

There is a family from Germany on the same safari as them, speaking in German occasionally, and Beatrice and Ava exchange amused glances whenever they understand what's being said.

"How safe is it, really?" Ava asks their guide, Johnny, when they've basically driven to within mere metres of a pride of lions. There are seven in total: three older lionesses and four rambunctious cubs. "We're basically in an open vehicle here. What's stopping them from attacking?"

"As long as you remain within the vehicle, you're safe," he explains. "Lions don't see things the way we do. They see a vehicle, and only a vehicle. They know it can't hurt them, so we're just part of the vehicle. The second they see a person as a person, separate from the vehicle, is when there will be a problem."

It's new information for Beatrice, who takes it all in with a calmness that contrasts to Ava's eagerness, asking questions at every opportunity. She wants to hear about the national animal, the springbok, and she wants to know why there's such a large elephant population but the rhinos are becoming more and more endangered.

"We have a very big poaching problem," Johnny explains. "Tusks and horns, they just kill these precious animals for the ivory. It happens far too often to have any kind of control."

The thought makes Beatrice inexplicably sad, and Ava scoots in closer to her, fingers linking with hers. She's a bit more subdued for the remainder of the drive, Johnny dropping them off back at their lodge in time for breakfast. Beatrice has learned that they tend to subscribe to a full English here, and she almost did a little dance when she spotted the baked beans on the menu.

Ava, of course, thinks she's lost the plot, which is really rich coming from her.

She's made friends already, which isn't a surprise. The lodge boasts a great mix of nationalities, from overseas and just within Africa. Ava just fits in so easily, always just speaking so proudly about the fact she's with Beatrice. People are largely friendly and accepting here, which is really nice, but even Beatrice notices when Ava picks and chooses the people she continues to interact with after she's made it clear that she and Ava are together.

It's just the world they're living in.

Which is the same one where she and Ava get caught in an interesting debate about religion around a bonfire. It's something they've avoided, really, indulging in conversation about the most recent events - or even the past explosion at the Vatican, but they meet a reverend at their second lodge who says, "Sometimes, people just need something to believe in."

It's why Adriel was able to convince so many. Even without the plague tricks or the demons, people of the world were looking for something - some tangible proof that there is something else. Something bigger. Something that can be seen.

"Do you believe, dear?" the man asks Beatrice. Reverend Thomas, she's learned, rarely asks questions he doesn't already know the answer to.

"Yes," Beatrice tells him, because that hasn't changed, even if she's essentially left the convent in search of - with the intention of -

Truthfully, Beatrice is still trying to make sense of how there could be no shame in what her own Bible tells her is a sin. She thinks people tend to pick and choose the parts they want to believe and follow, but where does it end? What is the threshold? How can she justify one part over another?

She likes to think her religion would be peaceful, and so she would follow the parts that cause the least harm, but she also knows she's committed sins in the name of the Order. Of God. She's killed and stolen and caused harm, in His great name, so where does her sinning end? Does it ever?

"You seem conflicted, my child," Reverend Thomas tells her, and she wonders, really, what this man is even doing out here. She supposes even men of God go on holiday, sometimes.

Ava is sitting right beside her, hand gently resting on her leg. She squeezes once, in silent support. It's everything Beatrice has ever wanted, just having her there.

"Did you believe?" Beatrice asks him in return. "What Adriel was saying."

He considers the question. "No."

"No?"

"But I believe what he showed me," he says. "Not that he was the Second Coming, but that he was something not of our world. I follow my own religion, but I know of others, and I believe the word that there will never be another Prophet among us."

"What do you believe he was, then?"

"A sign that there is something bigger," he says. "A sign that something bigger is coming. Maybe we're closer to Judgment Day than I initially thought."

"Didn't think it would be in your lifetime, hmm?"

"I'm half hoping I'll kick the bucket before then," he jokes, laughing heartily. "But there is a feeling that some end is coming, is there not?"

Anyone else might have dismissed his thoughts, but Beatrice just nods and says, "We should probably live life to its fullest, then."

He ducks his head in agreement, and the entire conversation sits on Beatrice's brain for a while. Even as they sit through what they call a braai, essentially cooking on an open flame, getting a good char on the meat and chicken. All of it paired with a maize flour that's cooked into a hard porridge they call pap. And then some kind of gravy they call chakalaka, which is a word Ava absolutely loves to say.

"And this is boerewors," one of the self-proclaimed braai masters tells them. "It's basically a kind of South African sausage. Super traditional." He hands Ava another bottle of Heineken, and then leaves them to it.

"I don't think I like beer," Ava tells her after a moment, "But I totally love what's on my plate right now."

There's also some potato salad and coleslaw, their plates piled high, sharing in a meal in a way that reminds Beatrice of Cat's Cradle. Of what was once her family.

It sets an odd sense of melancholy off in her gut, and she's aware she fades a little as the night goes on, their group offering all sorts of impossible stories. Someone even brings out a packet of marshmallows to roast on sticks in the fire, but Beatrice turns in early, leaving Ava to enjoy herself with a gentle kiss to her temple.

Beatrice fully expects to be long asleep when Ava returns to their small cabin, but she follows mere minutes later, joining Beatrice where she's settled in an armchair to do some late reading. She basically drops herself in Beatrice's lap, eyes a little red from all the smoke.

"Did you know you're my favourite person in this world?" Ava asks her, hands on Beatrice's chest. "Like, literally no other soul comes close to meaning what you do to me. It's a literal no-brainier, zero competition, why even bother?"

"I don't know where you're going with this."

"I just - I always want to be near you," she says. "I always want to be able to see you. Shit, Bea, I always want to be touching you. It's just - it's me, and I realise that isn't - you aren't - "

"Ava."

"Would you tell me if you needed some space?" Ava asks. "Because I can totally give it to you, you know? You just have to tell me."

"Excuse me?"

"Is it too much?"

"What? No." She shakes her head. "Ava, it's not you. It's never you. Touch me whenever and as much as you want. Truly. I will never tire of that."

"Then what's wrong?" Ava asks, and she sounds a little lost.

"I - " she starts and stops. Breathes deeply. "Don't get me wrong, because I love being here with you. It's literally my impossible dream come true, but sometimes I miss the way things were, before the world decided to implode. I miss the OCS, just that camaraderie and our time together. Training just because, not for any specific purpose. Listening to Camila play her music, trying to keep Mary from shooting everyone in her path. I don't know why, but I miss it sometimes."

"They're your family."

"So are you."

Ava smiles softly, running a hand over Beatrice's hair, carefully taking it out of its strict bun. "I'm the family that constantly wants to jump your bones," she says, and Beatrice laughs, shaking her head to free her hair even further. "I can't even get over how hot you are. It's not even fair."

"You're terrible."

"I like it when you wear your hair down," Ava says. "You just - you look so much freer. Happier, younger. You look - "

"What?"

Ava shakes her head, fingers threading through Beatrice's loose hair. "Would you ever dye it?" she asks. "Maybe do a blue. Or a pink. Wait, what about a rainbow?"

"You've lost the plot now."

"I bring such delicious spice to your life, don't I?"

"Well, yes, I've always known you'd be a handful," Beatrice tells her, smiling softly. "I had no idea what wonderful chaos you would bring to my life."

Ava just curls deeper into Beatrice, ducking her head under her chin, fingers of her other hand playing with the seam of Beatrice's shirt. "You knew that from the start, hmm?"

"I had a feeling."

"And now?" Ava asks. "Am I still a handful?"

Beatrice kisses the top of her head. "Yes," she murmurs, "But you're mine."

Ava isn't the only one who falls in helpless love with the Mother City.

Beatrice is coming to learn that, between the two of them, she prefers an inland and country setting, and Ava is always keen for the water and the beach. But then they land in Cape Town, and Beatrice doesn't want to leave.

It's where they'll spend the most time, she's suddenly sure. Taking the Cable Car up Table Mountain on their first clear day, visiting Robben Island when the water is calm. They visit the aquarium just because they can, Ava stepping into the jellyfish exhibit and declaring they have to return when they're high.

They don't end up staying in a hotel, choosing to find a host willing to let them extend per day depending on how long they actually end up staying. They've essentially been living with each other for nearly two months, but this is the first time - since the Alps - that Beatrice accepts that they're actually very compatible.

On paper, maybe not, because Ava truly is chaotic at the best of times - which is very not Beatrice's style - but she's very tidy. She too believes that everything has its place, which is quite a lovely trait to share.

Ava also prefers doing laundry to Beatrice's preference to wash dishes. Truly, they're a match made in heaven.

Well.

There is that one thing.

It's not necessarily a dealbreaker, because Beatrice knows how and why it is the way it is, but it does irk Beatrice just enough that she's relieved there is something she finds annoying about this person she absolutely adores.

Ava is never still.

Never.

It's as if remaining still for too long takes her back to a time when her body couldn't and wouldn't move, and she just has to move to make sure that isn't the case. It's just a thing, and Beatrice has accepted that even in sleep, Ava moves around. It's sometimes disruptive, but Beatrice understands and loves her more because of it, but it does make quiet time difficult when Ava also just can't sit still.

Even when she's reading, her leg bounces or her fingers tap. When she's watching television, her mouth moves, saying quiet words that don't match.

On their fifth day in Cape Town, they do go to a hair salon, Ava getting her hair cut even shorter than it's ever been, ending just at the nape of her neck. Beatrice gets a trim, herself, and some blonde highlights, which has Ava unabashedly looking at her for hours after.

She's weirdly shy when she asks to touch, and Beatrice settles herself on the couch, lying with her head in Ava's lap, inviting her to do as she pleases. She's so very gentle, threading her fingers through Beatrice's hair, quietly telling her a story about her and Diego's various fantastical escapades.

"When we're back, we should go see him," Beatrice says, closing her eyes as Ava's fingers trail over her forehead and eyebrows. "I would like to meet him."

Ava touches her cheeks now, tracing the shells of her ears. "He's going to like you," she says. "We tend to like the same things."

Beatrice opens one eye to peek up at her. "I'm a 'thing,'"

"The most beautiful thing."

"You're lucky I love you," Beatrice comments, closing her eye again.

"I am," Ava quietly agrees, dropping a kiss to the tip of Beatrice's nose. And then her forehead. She lets her lips linger there for a long while, and Beatrice opens her eyes to see that Ava has closed her own.

"You kissed my forehead," Beatrice murmurs. "Before you phased through the ground. Why did you do that?"

Ava doesn't move, mouth against Beatrice's skin, eyes remaining closed. "It's how you say goodbye, isn't it?" she says. "I've seen you do it."

"Then why are you doing it now?"

"Because I want it to mean something different now," Ava says. "I want it to mean that I'm here; I'm right here with you. Only you. Nobody else, and nowhere else."

Beatrice shifts now, prompting Ava to move back. Their eyes are now both open. "What are you telling me?"

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Whatever happens. Whatever it means for us, and for the world, I'm staying with you. I'm not going anywhere." She looks right into Beatrice's eyes. "I won't ever leave you again."

Beatrice feels tears pool in her eyes, shifting again until she's sitting up and looking right at Ava. "I won't ever let you," she says. "Ava, I won't ever say no if you ask again."

Ava throws her arms around her, hugging her tightly. "This is it for me, Bea," she says. "I don't know how I know this or even why, but I know it. I know it. This, you, all of it, that's it for me."

Beatrice pulls back, eyes settling on Ava's face. "Are you sure?" she asks, because it's just part of her personality to question whether she deserves every good thing in her life.

"Yes," Ava tells her, so very sincerely. "Yes, Beatrice, whatever your real name actually is, of course I'm sure."

Beatrice hugs her again, hands on her back, drawing her into her lap until Ava is straddling her legs. Those hands are back in her hair now, their foreheads pressed together.

"I missed you so much," Ava tells her. "I don't want to feel that ever again, so I need you to say it back."

Beatrice doesn't have to question what she needs to hear, saying words she knows would settle some of the torrents in her own gut. "I'm not going anywhere, either," she says, voice steady and firm. "It's you, Ava. Nobody else, nowhere else. You've been it since the moment I tranquillised you."

Ava laughs softly. "I almost forgot about that," she says. "You and Camila just going around knocking people out."

"Father Vincent trained us well, it seems."

Ava rolls her eyes. "I think our declarations are going off track here," she says.

Beatrice hugs her closer, their bodies pressed together. "It's you and me," she confirms. "Whatever happens in this world, it's always going to be. Whatever we have to face, neither of us is leaving without the other. We can't be beaten when we're together. Let's make sure to prove it."

"Okay, now say it all in Latin."

Beatrice just laughs, holding her closer and vowing never to let go.

They kiss for only the second time at the top of Lion's Head.

It's a hike Beatrice suggested and Ava agreed, always eager to experience things, and the two of them spend their early Thursday evening climbing the hill, Ava showing off a little along the trail, and Beatrice snapping about a dozen pictures of her.

There are other hikers, all of them rather friendly. They exchange quick greetings, some even stop and question where they're from if they catch Beatrice speaking, and Ava loves making up new stories for them every time.

In every one, they're a couple.

Ava doesn't notice any changes in expressions, but Beatrice does. Most people don't seem to care. Sometimes, they get bigger smiles, and other times the smiles fade. Nobody says anything, though, which is more than they could ask for. As long as Ava is happy, Beatrice is trying not to care, either.

When they reach their summit, Ava reaches a hand out for her, and they stand together, taking in the 360 degree view, water, city buildings, and forest all around them.

Ava slips an arm around Beatrice's waist, bringing her closer, and Beatrice holds her shoulders in turn. "I once went on an impromptu hike with Mary," Ava says, voice quiet. "When she found me. She kind of pushed me off the edge of a cliff, actually."

"What?"

"Really took advantage of my healing, huh?"

"She never said anything," Beatrice says, keeping her eyes focused forward, the two oceans ahead of them.

"She left me alone, you know?" she says. "After the ferry. After what happened to Lilith, she found me, and then she just let me go."

"But you came back?"

"Even then, being alone was the last thing I wanted," she says. "It terrified me. Existing in this world, tethered to nothing and nobody. It was already like Ava Silva never existed in the world. I really hate the idea of nobody remembering me. I don't want to not have existed, Bea. I don't want to be alone. I don't - " she stops, her head turning to look at Beatrice's face. "I don't want to be without you."

It's the moment Beatrice realises it has to be her. Ava has made it clear that she wants Beatrice to kiss her - to do all sorts of things to her - and she's just been waiting for Beatrice. Because it has to be her who makes this next move.

Which is why her gaze meets Ava's, silently questioning. They're here, almost at the top of the world, and Ava says yes with her eyes before Beatrice can even ask.

Beatrice leans down as Ava lifts up, gently pressing their lips together. Beatrice isn't as unprepared as the last time, but it does take her a few seconds for her brain to register that she is, in fact, kissing Ava.

It's closed-mouth, lingering and tender, and Beatrice pulls away to look at her face, just to make sure -

Ava chases her mouth, eyes still closed, and Beatrice can't stop her smile, extending the kiss until Ava is the one to pull away, eyes blinking repeatedly.

"Okay," Ava says. "Okay, yeah, uh huh."

"Are you okay?"

"I am immensely glad that we've already seen so much of the sights before you did that," Ava tells her. "We're never leaving our apartment, now."

Beatrice lets out a soft laugh. "But we have a whole sightseeing tour scheduled for tomorrow," she points out.

"Am I going to be getting more kisses between now and then?" Ava asks, sounding very serious. "Because you've started something now, Bea."

"Let's take some pictures and then head down," Beatrice suggests. "Get some dinner, and then we can - "

"Make out."

Beatrice laughs properly now, carefully releasing Ava and stepping back. She takes out her phone to snap a panorama, intent on sending it to Camila and Mother Superion. Then she takes pictures of Ava, Ava takes pictures of her, and then Ava asks another hiker to take a few of them both. She makes friends easily, striking up an entire conversation with a group of girls around her own age, the three of them revealing they're all students at the local university.

"We're just visiting," Ava is telling them, glancing over her shoulder at Beatrice as she approaches. "Bea's got us on a pretty strict itinerary," she adds with a wink.

Beatrice rolls her eyes. "Why am I getting thrown under the bus?"

"We were just invited to something called First Thursdays," Ava tells her. "It's supposed to be a lot of free art galleries and a lot of cheap wine." She grins at Beatrice. "And we know how much you love your wine."

Beatrice slides in beside her, looking at Ava's new friends. "Hello," she says. "I'm Beatrice."

"My girlfriend," Ava says proudly, beaming. She's been calling her that on and off since Bali, but it feels even more real now. "Bea, this is Ayesha, Kirsten, and Thando."

Beatrice smiles in acknowledgment, absently linking her fingers with Ava's. "Do you want to go?"

Ava says, "Yes," without any hesitance.

Which is really how Beatrice finds herself essentially being dragged through the city bowl of Cape Town by Ava and her new friends. There is a lot of art, and there is a lot of wine, Beatrice pacing herself as she watches Ava finally get to be young and carefree, giggling at lame jokes and learning all sorts of things about these new cultures they're being exposed to.

Ava gets lost in her stories, but she always ends up reaching for Beatrice, drawing her close and dropping her into conversations. Trying to get her involved, just keeping her within reach.

Beatrice mainly talks to Ayesha, who isn't actually imbibing, seemingly more than a little interested in Ava and Beatrice's relationship. "Are you really just travelling the world together?"

"Essentially, yes," Beatrice answers, eyes tracking Ava as she moves through the latest art gallery they're in. "Ava has a list."

"And you're allowed to just do that?"

Beatrice considers her own response, trying to make it make sense for someone else. "We went through something," she says. "I almost lost her in a forever way, and it just makes you reevaluate your priorities. We wanted to see the world, and so here we are."

"That's kind of amazing."

"Is it?"

"My parents would sooner come with me before they let me globetrot," Ayesha says, frowning slightly.

"Well, Ava's an orphan and I have very rich, absentee parents, so maybe we're luckier than most in some regards." The words are out before she can stop herself, blunt and very true, and it feels like a turning point for herself.

Ayesha's expression shifts slightly, but she just nods. "I've been trying to get Kirsten and Thando to admit they like each other for four months now," she says, choosing not to comment on Beatrice's confession.

Beatrice looks now, finding said two girls trailing behind Ava, heads bent together and giggling about something. "I see," she says. "They're oblivious idiots."

"Speaking from experience?"

Beatrice laughs out loud, and Ava looks over immediately, as if Beatrice's laugh is a siren. She smiles immediately, but then her eyes narrow when she notices it's Ayesha who's made her laugh. Beatrice just smiles, waving.

"Yeah," Beatrice says. "We've come a long way from the first time we met. My best advice, concerning your friends, is not to push, but make sure they know there's space around you for when they do figure it out." She thinks of Camila, who perhaps did a bit of both. She did enough, truly, and Beatrice is grateful, but she thinks she and Ava - mostly her - needed the right push that Kirsten and Thando likely don't.

Catholic Guilt is so very powerful, you see.

Ava suddenly appears in front of her, eyes a little hazy and smile dopey. "Bea," she says.

"Yes, Ava," Beatrice says, holding her ground when Ava sways closer.

"I missed you."

"Did you now?" Beatrice asks. "Not having too much fun, are you?"

"Not without you," Ava declares, leaning her body against Beatrice's. "I found a painting you'll like."

"Oh?"

"Come with me," she says, reaching for Beatrice's hand and immediately pulling her away. Beatrice has enough time to shoot Ayesha a quick, apologetic look, and then she follows Ava willingly. She doesn't know if she should address Ava's jealousy - because it actually feels good - but she knows she'd feel like absolute rubbish if it were the other way around.

It's why Beatrice tugs Ava to a stop and wraps her in a hug. They had time to stop at their hotel to shower and change before they came out tonight, so Beatrice has kissed her a few more times since their hike. Right now, she nuzzles Ava's neck and presses a tiny kiss there.

"You know there's nothing to be jealous about," Beatrice says.

"I'm not."

She smiles, which makes Ava shiver. "It's okay. We're still going home together."

Ava pulls back, breathing out. "But we're going dancing first."

Ayesha bails on their evening when Kirsten suggests something called Long Street. Kirsten tells them that they'll likely get robbed at some point. "It's kind of a rite of passage to get your phone stolen while out on the town."

Ava looks over at Beatrice, a little amused. "I think we'll be okay," she says. "I just really want to dance."

"And drink," Thando adds.

Which is true.

Ava downs three different types of flavoured shots at the first club, and then drags Beatrice to the dance floor, hands reaching for her and not letting go. It's different and similar to their night in the Alps. Different and similar to the wedding reception in Bali. That night at the bar in Singapore.

Similar because Ava keeps her close, but different because she keeps her really close. Really, really close.

Ava touches her arms and her sides, holds her neck and presses their bodies together. Her skin is warm to the touch, arms deliciously exposed in her crop top. Beatrice holds her in turn, making sure she knows there's literally nobody in the world she would rather be dancing with.

Beatrice also really likes how it feels to be watched by Ava. She gets this look on her face, a lovely mix of softness, fascination, arousal and disbelief. And love. Beatrice can read it only as love, even if Ava hasn't said it since the first time before she went through the portal.

"I love it when you let your hair down," Ava tells her, hands on her shoulders, not for the first time. "Literally and figuratively." Then her fingers are in Beatrice's hair, tips pressed against her scalp, and Beatrice desperately wants to kiss her. It's just there, the burning desire, and she tells herself not to suppress it. She rather holds onto it, hands sliding along Ava's back, pulling her closer, their legs slotting together and drawing muted groans from them both.

"Bea," Ava breathes, hot against Beatrice's skin. "This is - we need - can we - "

"Just dance with me," Beatrice tells her, because this feels safer than what might happen if they were anywhere else.

Ava wraps her arms around Beatrice's neck, pressing the entirety of their bodies together and slowing their movements. "I want to be kissing you," she whispers, mouth close to Beatrice's ear. "Can we please go somewhere I can do that?"

Beatrice places her hands on Ava's hips, pushing her away slightly. It gives her some space to look around the dance floor, various other couples and groups dancing around them.

"Do you want to go back to the apartment?" Beatrice asks.

"Order an Uber," she immediately instructs. "I'm going to find Thando and Kirsten and say goodbye."

One of the perks of being in Sea Point is the short distance from Town, and they're safely back in their rental apartment just nineteen minutes later, Ava dropping her jacket on the floor as Beatrice makes sure to lock the door.

Then, well -

Then they're kissing.

Ava practically launches herself into Beatrice's arms, making her stumble slightly, but then she steadies herself and Ava is still in her arms, and Beatrice can taste the shots and cocktails she's consumed on Ava's tongue. It's sweet and intoxicating, and Beatrice's hands settle on her hips as she forces her backwards, needing a wall or a bed or a -

Ava's small hands start on the buttons of Beatrice's shirt, making an impatient sound at how long it's taking to get open. "What the hell?" she complains. "How do you even get this thing off?"

"I just lift it over my head," Beatrice says with a laugh, and Ava immediately tugs with both hands, forcing her to lift her own arms in order to get her shirt off. Ava tosses it aside as soon as Beatrice is free, her eyes trailing over Beatrice's chest and abdomen.

"Jesus," Ava murmurs, and Beatrice tries not to feel self-conscious. It's so dumb, because they've literally seen each other before. They've even touched each other. "I just want to take you in."

Beatrice doesn't have the patience for that, closing the distance between them and kissing her again, hands on her sides, bunching up the material of her dress. "Ava," she murmurs, lips moving along Ava's jaw, down to her neck, leaving marks as she kisses and sucks.

And bites.

Ava gasps, hands flying to Beatrice's hair. "Okay," she says. "Yeah. Okay. I'll take you in later."

And then they're working at finishing undressing each other, hands scrambling to get access to more skin. Beatrice gets Ava's dress unzipped and down to her hips before Ava has chucked Beatrice's bra across the room and started work on the button of her jeans.

They're both stripped to just their underwear by the time they remember the bed, and Ava steers her towards it, eyes wide and slightly teary. It makes Beatrice slow down, hands reaching for hers.

"What's wrong?" she asks, fully prepared to put an end to this.

"Nothing," Ava tells her, letting out a little laugh. "That's just it, Bea. Everything is just amazing, and I'm here with you, and I just - this is - "

Beatrice kisses her, with purpose.

"Okay," Ava murmurs, hands on her shoulders as they go tumbling onto the bed. "I'm shutting up now."

They end up missing the sightseeing tour.

It's entirely their own fault, getting such little sleep the night before, but also waking late and immediately wanting to be touching each other again. Beatrice doesn't think - and definitely hopes - there will be a day she'll tire of this. Of Ava. In her arms, mouth right by her ear, breathlessly crying her name as Beatrice carries her higher and higher.

They miss breakfast, and then lunch, Beatrice getting up only to retrieve the food delivery Ava insists on. She didn't think Ava was right about waiting until they'd covered a lot of the globe already before finally doing this, but she gets it now, because she can't see them leaving their rental for quite some time now.

Ava just grins when Beatrice mentions it. "I'm a terrible influence, aren't I?"

"You're definitely something."

Ava pops a chip in her mouth, thinking it over. "I think the burning desire will fade slightly," she says. "I'm pretty sure I'll be able to exist in public without desperately wanting to rip off your clothes."

Beatrice raises her eyebrows.

"Okay, maybe not," Ava concedes with a laugh. "I've wanted to do that for weeks, already. Even right now, what's the point of food when I can rather be eating - "

"Ava!"

She grins like the cat that caught the canary. "You can't even be scandalised by that," she says. "You literally had your mouth on my - "

"Ava!"

She laughs now, loud and free, and Beatrice loves her. Loves her with every part of her heart, body and soul. Loves her in that disastrous way that will probably have her making a fool of herself in the not too distant future.

At dinner, apparently. When they can finally convince themselves to get out of bed and actually put on real clothes. Beatrice takes Ava for some Turkish food, mainly because Ava is such a fan of baklava. The night itself is lovely, if a little chilly, the restaurant right near the water, and Ava keeps teasing her about the love-drunk look on her face.

"I can't actually talk," Ava says. "I'm pretty sure I look at you the exact same way."

Admittedly, Beatrice is aware that her own declarations have gotten bigger but further away. Without hearing Ava say the words back, she's been a little worried of overwhelming her. Which is silly, of course, because Ava isn't easily overwhelmed, but the last thing Beatrice wants is to do anything that will make Ava question her choice to be here with Beatrice. Now that she's gained her like this, there is a constant worry that Beatrice will lose her, and it is terrifying.

She definitely won't survive it.

"Hey," Ava says, getting her attention. "Where did you go?"

Beatrice clears her throat. "I'm here," she says, taking a sip of her apple tea. "I'm right here."

"Good." She leans forward. "There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about."

Beatrice braces herself.

"Do you think you could see yourself here?"

It's so unexpected that Beatrice frowns. "Excuse me?"

"Here. In Cape Town. Do you think you could see yourself here?"

Beatrice can't figure out where she's going with this. "Like, forever?"

"I saw you," Ava says. "When Kirsten and Thando were talking about their lives at university. Your eyes, you were so interested. It's like you wanted it as well, some sense of purpose again, but in a low stakes way. And you said that you'd wanted to - " she stops, looking a bit nervous. "When you told me you wanted to be a doctor before, it didn't sound like it was a desire that faded."

Beatrice leans back, blinking repeatedly. "Oh."

"Was I not supposed to pick up on that?"

"I don't know."

Ava waits patiently, dipping some baked bread into some hummus.

Beatrice has spent so much of her life denying her own desires. Bodily, yes, but also mentally. This entire trip has been a crucial lesson in what it means to listen to her own body. She's still learning, it seems. "If I were ever to go to school, why would it be here?"

"Why not?" Ava counters immediately.

"What would you do?"

"Be your Sugar Mama."

Beatrice laughs, shaking her head at her antics. "You'd actually be okay with that? Spending years in some foreign place just for me to go to school?"

"I think, by now, we both know we would do just about anything for each other."

"But this?"

"If it's what you want," Ava says. "Is it?"

Beatrice audibly swallows. "Am I supposed to do this before or after we try to save the world?"

"Just answer the question, Bea."

She leans back, hands in her lap, and really thinks about it. She's always enjoyed learning new things. Reading is basically her lifeblood. She's trained in numerous fighting styles and she has a healthy knowledge of field medicine. It's something she leaned towards, their designated medic in battle, but does she actually want a career out of it?

Eventually, Beatrice says, "Maybe," quietly enough that only Ava could hear her.

She smiles in return. "Okay," she says. "You should apply. Just see what happens. It can be an option for you. They start in January, anyway, so there's time."

"To save the world, you mean."

"When you become a doctor, you'll be saving the world one person at a time, Bea."

Beatrice doesn't even try to come up with a response.

"I don't want to leave," Ava declares, the two of them spread out on their bed and trying to figure out the best route to take to get to New York City. "Why can't we just stay here?"

"I'm pretty sure you're the one who said you wanted to see Times Square," Beatrice points out, which gets a pout out of Ava. It was actually Beatrice who suggested it, but Ava doesn't seem to recall that.

Ava, who plucks Beatrice's phone out of her hand and sets it aside, immediately sliding into her lap, their bare bodies pressing together. Beatrice has to make a concerted effort to keep her brain from turning to mush, but her hands do settle on Ava's back, skin soft and smooth beneath her palms.

"We could just live out the rest of our days here," Ava says. "The weather is great. The people are great. The food is top tier. We've even found some cool spots to be able to train. Bea, we could just stay here forever."

"I'd definitely let you keep trying to convince me," Beatrice tells her, smiling as if they haven't spent the last two hours trying to outdo each other. It's probably the one thing she didn't anticipate, just how competitive they would be with regards to sex.

"Could I, though?" Ava asks. "Would I be able to convince you to stay?"

"No," she tells her truthfully. "You could delay our departure, though."

"If I put you in a sex coma, you mean."

"Are you accepting the challenge?" Beatrice asks.

Ava answers by kissing her loudly, exaggerating the smacking sound and making them both laugh. Then she works her way down Beatrice's body, truly almost succeeding in getting her to reevaluate her entire life - again.

They do land in New York City five days later, after a short layover in Paris. Ava is adorably grumpy, trying and failing to adjust to the time difference and the fact they have, indeed, left her new favourite place in the world.

"We'll go back," Beatrice promises. If they both do somehow survive the next few months, chances are high they might actually end up living there.

Ava just leans against her as they wait for a cab to take them to their hotel, her hands tucked into the pocket of Beatrice's hoodie. Before, Beatrice was always overly aware of when and where and how often Ava touched her, an ease in their interactions, but something has changed now. Things are so much better, a casual intimacy that's settled into their relationship, probably indicative of the changes in their physical relationship.

They've actually gained time, so they spend their first day visiting Central Park before getting an early dinner and turning in for the evening. Ava falls asleep first, her body draped over Beatrice, twitching from time to time.

But then she's all systems go the next morning, ready to live and breathe everything New York City. Which, incidentally, starts with riding the subway. They go south, and then east, and then north, just riding the trains until they get hungry and find themselves some one-dollar slices of pizza.

They have several touristy things to do, visiting the Statue or Liberty and several monuments and memorials. They ascend the Empire State Building, and then stop by Tiffany's where Ava pretends she doesn't have the ultimate ring of all rings in her back. It's a small show she puts on, pretending the two of them are actually shopping for engagement rings.

Which is -

Yeah. Beatrice isn't even going to try to unpack that.

They visit Central Park more often than not, Ava strangely drawn to it. They also visit Little Italy, which is only slightly triggering for the two of them, unwanted reminders of their time at the Vatican. It does force them to remember that the Vatican City has had to rebuild after Duretti's death, another Pope taking his place. Someone to help steady the ship, as it were. But, even here, there are images of Ava everywhere, people speaking with freedom about a different kind of saviour.

One day, soon, Ava will take her place in the fight, and everyone will know her name.

They go to Staten Island one Saturday, and then debate over whether visiting the Met actually counts as going to a museum, when they've actively avoided many and all of them so far on their global trip. Ava wants to try all the fast food joints they don't get in Europe, eager to try Arby's and Jack in the Box.

Ava also decides that she's going to start sleeping naked.

She makes a point of telling Beatrice this, stepping out of the bathroom in just a towel, smile on her face as if she intends to scandalise Beatrice. Truth be told, Beatrice thinks Ava's just waiting for her to turn the tables on her, but she's not quite there yet.

"And what's prompted this decision?" Beatrice asks, looking up from the handful of brochures she's spread out on the little desk, heart rate rising at the sight of her. Currently, they're trying to decide what to do or where to go next, fully aware they're getting closer and closer to their three-month deadline.

"I mainly want to see what you'll do," she reveals.

"What do you think I'll do?"

"I'm hoping you'll jump me," she says with a wink. "But I do so miss the Beatrice blush. Don't get me wrong, I find it incredibly sexy you're game for everything, but it was super cute making you blush."

Beatrice suspects this conversation has been coming since that night in Cape Town. "Were you expecting something different?"

"Will you be offended if I say yes?"

Beatrice turns her body to face her. "As in you expected me to be more hesitant about sex-related things?"

She looks a bit worried, as if she truly doesn't want to offend Beatrice. "I mean, you have to admit it's a little surprising. I remember our first kiss, you know? And, I mean, you're a nun."

Beatrice can't help her laugh. "I suppose I can see where you're coming from, but you should remember that I wasn't always a nun, you know?" she points out, and they definitely should have had these conversations before they started taking off their clothes. "I was a teenager with certain interests. Far too much guilt and shame, yes, but that never stopped my curiosity."

Ava sits on the end of their bed, watching her. "Did you ever - before - were you - " She stops and puffs out a breath. "You know what I'm trying to ask."

"Once," Beatrice answers, sobering slightly. She's never been able to make sense of her feelings about it, having her curiosity sated, yes, but overwhelmed by what it meant for her. "In boarding school. My last year. Before I joined the convent."

"What was she like?" Ava asks, and it's quite telling that she doesn't assume any other pronoun.

Beatrice really never thinks of her, mainly because she truly is wracked with guilt and shame over what happened after. "She struggled, too," she finally says. "Much more than I ever did. We were meant to reform each other, in a sense, but she was just as curious as I was. She was smart - maybe too smart - and we - she couldn't quite handle what we'd done, after. It felt like too big of a sin for her, and I couldn't - I didn't know how to change her mind; to make her believe it was okay, when maybe there was a part of me that also believed we were doomed to suffer worse fates."

Ava's expression shifts to sorrow, and Beatrice has to look away.

"Maybe some sins outweigh others," Beatrice says to the ground, hands fidgeting in her lap. "She never did make it to graduation, and I joined the convent immediately after."

"Did you ever view it as penance?" Ava asks.

"Maybe. In a sense. But I think I ended up gaining more than I ever lost." Her gaze lifts to meet Ava's. "I found my way to you, didn't I?"

Ava watches her now, expression open and calm. "Was it that much of a surprise?" she asks, "When I kissed you?"

Beatrice recalls that moment, every emotion swirling inside of her: fear and anger and surprise and wonder and just a lot of determination. "To be fair, I hadn't been kissed in quite a few years," she finally says. "There's some trauma attached to it, I won't lie, but also - Ava, it was you. My brain needed a moment to catch up, because you truly are everything I've ever wanted, and it is still unbelievable to me that we're here together."

"You need to believe it," Ava says, studying her carefully. "You have to."

"Okay."

She shakes her head, a little amused at Beatrice's immediate agreement. But then her facial expression turns serious and she says, "I love you," like they're not words she's held onto for weeks now. Beatrice stops breathing. She didn't know when or if she would ever hear them again. "It is terrifying just how much."

Beatrice doesn't dare move.

"There's one for me too," Ava tells her. "He was - I suppose he was nobody in the end. Maybe someone I needed at that moment in my life. Someone who could see all the parts of me I was still trying to figure out. Someone who needed to come before you." She clears her throat. "But, Bea, I truly do love you, which definitely wasn't ever part of the plan, I'm sure, but here we are, and I already told you I'm never leaving you, so we may as well make it official."

Beatrice frowns, her eyes widening at the same time. "Ava, what are you - "

"I went back," Ava tells her. "While you were in The Strand looking at books, I went back to Tiffany's."

"Ava."

"I found one that I think you'll like."

"Ava."

"I just wanted something," she says. "Something to tie us together. Something to keep me tethered here, to this world, to you, to our future. I just wanted - "

"Ava."

She hops to her feet and retrieves a rectangular box from one of the bedside drawers. "Beatrice," she says, turning to face her and walking towards her slowly. "I will admit that I fully expected to be wearing actual clothes for this. Maybe we'd be on a hill somewhere, or like on a carriage. Maybe we'd be - "

"Ava, what are you doing?"

"I had a plan."

"You clearly haven't thought this through," Beatrice says, holding her hands up as if she could stave off whatever is about to happen.

"I have, actually," Ava insists, and now she's in front of Beatrice. "A lot. Even when I was on the other side. I just - I want - Bea." She drops to her knees in front of Beatrice, eyes pleading with her to understand that she's being serious. "Bea," she says again. "Bea. Please. Can you just - "

Beatrice takes a deep breath. "Ava, you're really taking advantage of the fact that I won't say no to you, hmm?"

"You can, of course."

"Ava."

"I'm not asking for marriage," Ava says, resting the box on Beatrice's lap. "I am, however, asking for forever."

Beatrice holds her breath, heart racing in her chest as she watches Ava open the box to reveal two rings, each hanging on a chain. They have similar cuts, each with a gorgeous blue stone that Beatrice imagines is supposed to signify Divinium.

"You're a fighter," Ava says, "So I know you won't want to wear it on your hand, and I know you miss your OCS cross, so I thought - " she stops herself, letting out an embarrassed laugh. "Was I wrong?"

"You already know you're not."

"Just checking," she says, grinning. "Can't be too sure, you know?"

"You're actually ridiculous," Beatrice says, and maybe she's crying.

Ava definitely is, careful as she takes out the rings. "I have small hands," she says.

"You have perfect hands."

Ava laughs. "All the better to touch you with, hmm?"

"You do realise you're still naked, right?"

"Not quite," she says, lifting herself up so she can clasp the chain around Beatrice's neck. "The idea is that you can unwrap me after we put these on."

Beatrice leans forward to make it easier, breathing in the apple of her shampoo. She's finally settled on one she likes that isn't Beatrice's, and Beatrice loves it.

Once Ava has secured the necklace, she leans back and Beatrice does the same for her. It feels like a pivotal, monumental moment in both their lives, promising each other a future together, promising to keep fighting to be alive and together and safe.

Ava says, "Thank you," like Beatrice has answered one of her prayers. "Thank you for agreeing to be mine."

Beatrice cradles Ava's face in her hands, looking right into her eyes. "And you didn't even want to come to New York."

"Yet," she says, laughing. "I love that we'll have this story to tell."

Beatrice's eyes widen. "Oh, Camila is going to kill me."

"Just you?"

"She loves you too much."

"She loves you, too."

Beatrice still knows she'll receive the brunt of it, which is fine. Any way she can protect Ava, she definitely will.

"I'm still going to call you my girlfriend, though," Ava says, her own hands holding onto Beatrice's wrists. "Not quite ready to explain the other thing."

"The fiancée thing, you mean."

Ava beams, her cheeks pressing against Beatrice's hands. "One day, maybe," she says. "For now, you know, and I know, and that's all that matters."

Beatrice kisses the tip of her nose. "Thank you," she says, heart rate not bothering to slow down. "Thank you for wanting to keep me."

"Oh, wow," she says, hands sliding up to cover Beatrice's own. "I seriously fucking love you."

Beatrice kisses her mouth now.

"Are you going to unwrap your present now?" Ava asks.

"That depends," Beatrice says, "Have you decided where we're going next?"

"What are my options again?"

"Washington D.C., Orlando, or Hawaii."

Ava's eyes widen. "Are you seriously asking me if I don't want to go to Disney World immediately?"

"Then it's decided," Beatrice says. "We'll head south in the next few days."

"Now, are you going to unwrap me?"

She shifts back, looking into Ava's eyes. There's something there that she hasn't seen before; something warm and hopeful and just a little fearful. Because they do know the days are running out; their destiny is coming calling.

"Bea?"

"Hmm," she sounds, going for nonchalant. "That depends."

Ava's eyes look between both of her own, slightly questioning but brimming with anticipation - and something close to delight. "On what?"

"How much you want me to."

Ava's eyes widen slightly. "Oh, you are dangerous, aren't you?"

Beatrice touches her chin. "It's okay, Ava, you can tell me," she says, keeping her voice steady, perhaps enjoying the look on Ava's face a little too much. "How much do you want it?"

There's excitement now, in her eyes and in her expression. "Bea," she murmurs, and it's really all Beatrice wants: to make Ava happy; to give her everything she deserves from this life she's determined to live.

"What do you want?"

Ava rests her hands on Beatrice's thighs. "You," she says. "I just want you. Forever."

The playfulness and tension evaporates from their moment, and Beatrice leans down to kiss her mouth. "Yeah, Ava," she whispers. "Anything you want."

If Beatrice thought Ava in Hong Kong was something to write home about, she wasn't ready for Ava in Orlando. Her Disney knowledge has greatly improved, easily recognising characters old and new, but the first thing she actually wants to do is get some new charms for their Pandora bracelets.

"You're really intent on covering me in jewellery, aren't you?" Beatrice points out, gently swinging their hands, the Main Street, USA buzzing all around them.

Ava smiles at her. "I like the way it feels on my skin," she says. "I also like the way it looks on you."

"I aim to please," Beatrice assures, and Ava's eyes gets a little glazed, probably caught in a memory definitely not suitable around so many little children. "Ava."

She just laughs, pulling Beatrice towards yet another store. She still wants to make it to Space Mountain within the next few hours, so Beatrice is keeping an eye on the time.

Ava gets herself a faded orange Mickey Mouse cap, and then a pair of colourful boxers for Beatrice, claiming, "I think I will actually combust if you were to wear these and only these."

Beatrice will put up a decent amount of a fight, but they both already know she'll give in if it means making Ava happy.

They do end up riding Space Mountain two times, the first better than the second, before Ava decides she wants to play Guitar Hero. Truthfully, Beatrice's ears are still a little red from the ride, her equilibrium struggling to right itself, and Ava just holds on even tighter to her.

"You're so cute," Ava declares. "My badass ninja girlfriend can't even handle a little rollercoaster."

"That was not little," Beatrice immediately points out. "That was - it was - "

"It was amazing,"

Beatrice chuckles, arm draped over Ava's shoulders. "Yeah, it was pretty amazing."

Four rounds of Guitar Hero later, a litany of Coldplay and Mumford and Sons songs stuck in their heads, they go in search of dinner.

This life, what they're doing with it, feels good and easy. They've already been through so much, so Beatrice repeatedly tells herself that they deserve it.

They do.

They also have time, making sure to explore each Park thoroughly, riding every ride they can, and immersing themselves in every experience they can. Ava thoroughly enjoys the Tower of Terror - they have the pictures to prove it - and Beatrice laughs herself silly when Ava attempts karaoke.

Beatrice sends a few pictures to Camila, deeply aware that their set aside three months of travel are going to come to an end soon. They can, perhaps, fit in one more place before they have to return to Europe, and just the thought is enough to make her feel like they're already running out of time.

Maybe Ava senses it too, because she crawls into bed one night at their resort, drapes her body over Beatrice's like she's been doing more often, and says, "What happens when we return?"

"We'll have to amp up our training," she starts to say.

"No, Bea," Ava says, hand on Beatrice's shoulder. "I mean with us. How do we act? Will we be allowed to be together? Can you be a nun again? I mean, I think I know the answer to that, and I don't know how you and I have a relationship if you're - "

"Hey."

"I just want to know."

Beatrice meets her gaze, noting the lingering fear in her eyes. "I think we're both going to have to be a bit like Mary," she finally says, because Beatrice can never be a nun now, but that doesn't mean she won't be part of the OCS.

Ava blinks. "Whoa."

"What?"

"Did I just von Trapp you?"

It takes a moment, but then Beatrice chuckles. "Are you really referring to The Sound of Music right now?"

"I totally did, didn't I?" Ava says. "I seduced a nun."

"Ava," Beatrice admonishes, but she can't stop her laugh. "Don't look so proud."

"But I am," she insists, getting close enough to kiss Beatrice's jaw. "I'm literally doing God's work."

"Wow."

Ava's hands slide down, slipping under Beatrice's t-shirt. "Here I am," Ava says, "Oh ye noblewoman resurrected solely to bring His most trusted nun all the pleasure in the world."

"This is getting weird."

Ava just hums, one hand sliding down, finding the waistband of the boxers she put Beatrice in minutes earlier. "I could definitely make it weirder."

"Please don't."

"He basically told me to go down on you."

"Ava!" Beatrice squeaks, her own hands grabbing onto Ava's wrists.

"Yip," she says, nuzzling Beatrice's cheek. "That's exactly the name you should be calling out."

Beatrice literally can't stop her smile, so she doesn't even bother. "I am so in love with you."

"That's what we like to hear," she murmurs, and then proceeds to try to get Beatrice to say her name in various other contexts.

"You didn't actually answer my question," Ava points out, the two of them sitting huddled together on the Jungle Cruise. "About what happens when we get back."

Beatrice keeps hold of her hand, thinking.

"Will we be able to be together?" Ava asks, as if there's any other option right now.

"I don't think we'll live at Cat's Cradle," Beatrice finally says. "I don't think I could be with you the way I want to if we do."

"Okay."

"We'll find somewhere close," Beatrice says. "Somewhere just for the two of us. Somewhere we can build our life and actually live it."

"Somewhere we'll have privacy, huh?"

Beatrice immediately shakes her head, ducking it slightly as she blushes.

"Oop, there it is," Ava says, delighted. "Thought I'd never see it again."

"Does it make you happy to see it?" she asks.

"You make me happy." Her free hand goes in search of the ring hanging around Beatrice's neck, pulling it out of her shirt. "Every second with you has been the happiest I've ever been."

"Even when I'm making you cry?"

"Or when I'm accusing you of being jealous?"

Beatrice just smiles. "I think we've come a long way."

"Been through quite a bit already," Ava muses. "It's one thing to love you, but I also actually like you."

Beatrice frowns. "Please explain."

"Like, as a person, I just - I enjoy who you are," Ava tries. "I like spending time with you, and I like talking to you; doing things with you. I don't know, I just know that we have a good thing here." She squeezes Beatrice's hand. "It feels good, right? Feels healthy, balanced, something truly mutual."

Beatrice releases her hand to be able to wrap her arm around her shoulders, tucking her in close. "It feels really good, Ava," she confirms. "For a relationship that's meant to last forever, I'm really glad it's with you."

"Maybe we should get married," Ava says, particularly out of the blue.

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry. I just - maybe we should."

Beatrice's brow creases. "Explain your reasoning."

"Ouch, Bea."

"No, I mean - I just - what changed between New York and now?" she asks. "Did you not believe me when I said I'm not leaving you?"

"I do believe you," Ava assures her. "I just - "

"Ava, what is it?"

"We have to go back soon," Ava says, looking away from her. "Everything is going to change then, and I just - I want to hold onto you. Is that so wrong?"

"Only if you're doing it for the wrong reason."

Ava falls silent, the boat chugging along. Then she turns to Beatrice and whispers, "You're saying no."

Beatrice's jaw clenches. "You haven't even asked me," she says. "In fact, you specifically said you wouldn't ask." She touches Ava's chin, turning her head to face her. "What has changed?" she asks. "Tell me."

Ava's own jaw tightens. "I love you," she says. "Everything is going to change, and this is the one thing that doesn't have to."

"Ava."

"When this War starts, we won't be able to hide," Ava reminds her. "You said that."

"You know something else, don't you?" Beatrice guesses. "Something you didn't tell me about your time on the other side."

Ava's silence is answer enough, and Beatrice really doesn't know how to feel about it.

"You won't tell me," she finally says.

"No," Ava says, "I won't." She breathes out. "I can't."

They feel worlds apart, all of a sudden. Maybe things really were too good to be true, because the reality is that their lives are not actually simple and easy. In fact, they're incredibly difficult and deadly, which means that they can't hide away forever. There is a war coming. They need to be ready.

The worst part is that Beatrice can't even be mad. She's not. It's just that there's already too much to face, an unfortunate and uncertain future ahead of them, and the last thing they need is more secrets between them.

"What would it change for us?" Beatrice asks her, trying to make sense of this change. She doesn't think it's of heart, because Ava has already made her intentions clear, but now she wants to act on those intentions. "What would it mean?"

"Nothing," Ava says. "Everything. I just want - I want you."

"You have me."

Ava audibly swallows. "You are the single most important person in my life, Bea," she says. "When the world blows up, I need to know that I can protect you to the best of my limited ability. Everyone who comes after me needs to know that you are off limits."

Beatrice understands that, at face value, but -

"Ava, my love, the Halo Bearer can't be married to another woman," she says. "We're entering an actual Holy War. How are we meant to get the world on our side when - "

"I don't care."

"Ava."

Her expression is hard, eyebrows pulled together. "I don't," she insists. "And it isn't even about the rest of the world. Bea, don't you see?"

"Don't I see what?"

Ava puffs out a breath. "I like that you called me that."

"What?"

"'My love.'"

"Well, you are."

"And yet you're saying no."

There's definitely something Beatrice is missing. Something she hasn't seen, or something Ava has carefully hidden from her, distracting her with adventure and experiences and sex.

"It isn't noble," Beatrice tells her. "To carry the burden yourself. I know you're the Warrior Nun, but you can't expect me to agree to a marriage when you can't even tell me what - "

"It isn't about the stupid Halo," Ava says, voice a little loud, and several heads turn in their direction. She waves them off with an innocent smile. "I know it's basically keeping me alive, but fuck the Halo, okay?"

"Ava."

"No, I'm serious," she says, fingers finding Beatrice's again and squeezing tightly. "Forget about the Halo and forget about the War. We really might die soon, which is a painful reality, but I just - what do you even want?" Her eyes get so very intense. "Do you want me? Because you can have me. For forever."

It's ridiculous and idiotic to think there's a world where Beatrice doesn't want her. It's literally insane to think anything else. Seriously. Where has Ava been all this time? Hasn't she been paying attention?

Even so, Beatrice really can't figure out where her hangups lie, given everything they've already been through. She already knows Ava is her future, which means her life as an active member of the church has already ended. Agreeing now would just be a formality.

Agreeing now would just be a piece of paper tying them together - some proof that Ava does exist. That they both do. Which is maybe what makes her decision for her.

Beatrice can't possibly think so badly about the Halo, because the Halo is what has given her Ava. It's what has allowed her to keep the love of her life.

Because Ava is. Maybe Beatrice has known that from the very beginning.

Ava is her forever.

Which is why Beatrice turns her head, looks in her eyes, and says, "Ask me."

Ava's eyes widen. "What?"

"Ask me," Beatrice repeats.

Ava turns her body, slipping out of Beatrice's hold to face her properly. She takes hold of both of Beatrice's hands, expression very serious. "Beatrice, whatever your real name actually is, I love you," she starts. "Our time together hasn't been long, but I think I've always known what we have is special. Right from the beginning, we had a - " she stops, shaking her head. "Shit, Bea, is this becoming totally cliché and lame?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know how much time we have together, but I will fight tooth and nail for it to be forever," Ava says. "I want to spend every single day of it with you. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine. Dammit, I want what Freddie and Angelina have."

"Ava, just ask me already."

She leans in close and whispers, "Bea, will you - "

Beatrice answers, "Yes," before she can even finish, because they always knew there was no way she was going to say no.

They get married in Hawaii.

If anyone asks, Beatrice doesn't know how it happens, either. For once, Ava is the more organised one between them, conspiring with one of the resort's guest relations officers to get an officiant, a license, and a cake. Beatrice doesn't even know when she finds the time between taking surfing lessons and consuming enough shave ice that Beatrice is surprised she's not frozen, herself.

On the day, Beatrice wears her waistcoat - with a new white shirt this time - and Ava shops for a lovely, flowing white sundress that draws the breath right from Beatrice's lungs. It happens on the beach in the late afternoon, barefoot and surrounded by just a handful of people.

Yikes. Camila is really going to kill her now.

They can't quite say their own vows in front of other people, given all the secrets they hold. Their officiant, Kai, walks them through the ceremony, their hands clasped, and then they share a quick kiss, pronounced wife and wife.

Who would have thought?

Beatrice certainly never would have.

After, there's cake, and there's the signing of their marriage certificate. Ava reads the names on said certificate, her mouth dropping open slightly when she learns Beatrice's given name. She looks to her, now, eyes soft and surprised.

"Oh, I never would have guessed that," Ava says, and then never mentions it again. Beatrice imagined there would be more discussion; possibly even more commentary, but Ava surprises her the way she always has.

For now, Ava just reaches for her, holding onto her and not letting go. "You'll always be Bea to me," she adds after a moment, and that's really that about that.

Honestly, Beatrice is just trying to wrap her head around what's just happened in her own life. In their lives. It's just nothing she could ever have imagined happening, here with Ava. Without her parents.

Gosh, they'd probably keel over if they ever knew.

"I'm really trying not to take the look of disbelief on your face too personally," Ava says, looking amused. "It really happened. I promise it's all real."

Beatrice will have to admit that there's a lingering part of her that truly believes that this is all some elaborate dream. Any second now, she's going to wake up back underground, the Arc silent behind her, and Ava just gone again. It's fuelled some of her nightmares, only helped by having Ava in her arms, but things are going to change when they go back.

She might wake up.

"Bea?" Ava says, getting her attention. They're in the resort's main restaurant, their half-eaten cake on the table in front of them, and their meals waiting to be finished. "Are you not happy?"

Beatrice leans over to kiss her cheek. "I'm the happiest I've ever been, Ava," she says. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried."

"About what?"

"What the world will do to me for deigning to be this happy."

Ava runs a hand over Beatrice's hair. "That's bleak, babe," she says.

She raises her eyebrows. "Oh? Is that what we're calling me now?"

"I'm trying it out," Ava says, hand coming to rest on the back of Beatrice's neck. "How does it feel? What about honey? Sweetheart?"

"I love you, but maybe not," she says. "Stick with Bea. I like that one."

"Actually, you know what, I'm going to call you my wife every chance I get," she says. "Why waste a golden opportunity while we're here?"

"Because we're married," Beatrice says, maybe needing to hear it again. As if saying 'I do' earlier wasn't enough. "Like actually married, Ava. How did that happen?"

"Do you really want the logistical play-by-play?"

"You love me enough to want to spend forever with me," she says. "Are we both a little crazy?"

"Definitely." Her little grin gets close to Beatrice, promising mischief. "I told you we were meant for each other."

"Did you ever think we'd have a destination wedding?"

"Never even crossed my mind," she says. "But you know what's so great about it?" Her smile widens. "We also get a destination honeymoon." Then she kisses Beatrice, so deeply that Beatrice manages to forget all her concerns.

Well.

Nearly all of them.

"We have another week before our three months are up," Beatrice tells her when they're taking a stroll on the beach, not quite ready to call an end to this day Beatrice will hopefully never forget.

"Okay," Ava says, her fingers laced with Beatrice's. "What does that mean for us?"

"How do you feel about a three-day honeymoon?"

"Depends on whether you'll be naked for all three days," Ava says, tossing Beatrice a grin. "If things are going to change when we leave here, I want to spend as much time with you as possible behind closed doors."

"That can probably be arranged," Beatrice assures her, which gets her a grin in response.

"And then what?"

"And then we go and see Diego," Beatrice tells her. "And Jillian."

Ava's expression sobers at the mention of the woman. They've been lucky, maybe, just being able to set aside everything else expected of them and exist in the moment. But reality is catching up with them, and Jillian is one person who has been a key player in this mess they've all created, as well as a victim.

"I left you a letter with her," Ava eventually tells her. "I thought - it was - I tried to put words to paper, hoping they would help you understand why I did what I did." She meets Beatrice's gaze. "In the end, you didn't have to read it. I was here. Somehow, I was here to tell you everything in person."

Beatrice isn't sure what to do with this information. She doesn't even want to think about some other reality where it takes longer than ninety minutes for Ava to return to her. She can't think about another life where she just leaves the Arc and somehow has to go on with her life without Ava. She can't think of Jillian giving said letter to her. Doesn't want to imagine what it even says.

"Where is it now?" Beatrice asks.

Ava shrugs. "She might still have it. She might not. Does it matter?"

"No, it doesn't," she says, and she means it. If she never has to see that letter, she'll be perfectly fine, because that means Ava is here with her.

Beatrice takes a breath. Because Ava is here, and they're together, and that's all that should matter. "I suppose, after Jillian, we somehow have to explain to Mother Superion that you've returned by some magical fluke, and - "

"It wasn't, you know," Ava interrupts. "It wasn't some magical fluke at all, Bea. I told you it was you." She brings them to a stop, the sun setting behind her back, and Beatrice doesn't think she's ever looked so beautiful. Young and carefree and unburdened and in love.

Beatrice takes out her phone to snap several pictures of her, ignoring the bemused look on her face. Then she asks, "What do you mean it was me?"

"I mean exactly that," Ava says, getting in nice and close, draping her arms over Beatrice's shoulders as she lifts herself onto her toes. "I felt it. I felt you. While I was in there, it was like you were pulling me back. Like just your prayer was enough to give the Arc enough juice to allow just me through. That's what you did, Bea. That's how fucking powerful you are."

Beatrice kisses her now, dipping her low and getting the most amazing laugh out of her. She doesn't know how else to respond to what Ava has just said, because that feels -

It feels so much bigger.

"You really missed me too, hmm?" Ava teases once Beatrice brings her back up.

"I missed you so much I actually agreed to marry you."

"And they call you a genius."

"I'm pretty sure only you call me a genius," Beatrice points out.

"My super hot, genius, ass-kicking wife."

Beatrice lifts her up now, arms around her waist, and Ava wraps her own arms and legs around her, both of them wanting to be as close as physically possible. "How impressive would it be if I carried you to our room like this?"

"Believe me, I'm already suitably impressed by your body."

"Let's just stand here a while, then," she murmurs, closing her eyes and soaking in the warmth and love of Ava Silva under the setting sun. It won't ever be enough, she decides. No amount of time in the world will ever be enough.

When they do finally make it back to their hotel room, Beatrice carries Ava over the threshold, just because she can, and they spend their first night together as a married couple without any thought of the outside world. She can't be sure how or why, but being with Ava now feels different. It feels more intense, better in some ways, but really just different.

In a few days, they'll be back in what is familiar to them, Beatrice needing to find them a place to live in Spain for the next few months. And then after, she's not sure. Cape Town, maybe. The convent is now no place for them - marriage has changed that - and that's okay.

They will find their place, and they will make a life.

Beatrice almost can't wait.

"I promise we'll go on a longer honeymoon soon," Beatrice tells her, three days later, watching Ava pout as she finalises her packing. "We'll go to all the places we haven't been."

"Reckon we can actually swing by Barcelona?" Ava asks, eyes hopeful.

Beatrice is tempted - truly, she is - and she spends a moment seriously considering if they could possibly fit it in. She could say yes to Ava now - like she has so many times before - but their final return date was always concrete. The fact they've managed to see so much already is already quite a feat.

"I promise we'll go," Beatrice finally tells her. "There are other places we missed, as well."

"Iceland," Ava says, stuffing her socks in the side of her bag and keeping her face carefully angled away. Beatrice can already picture the disappointment, though.

"For a honeymoon?"

"It's just on the list."

"And Vietnam," Beatrice adds.

"We should go to India. I want to see the Taj Mahal."

Beatrice abandons her own packing and moves towards her. The airport shuttle is still an hour away from fetching them, their flight later in the evening, and Beatrice wishes they weren't both so sad about having to leave.

"No," Ava says, noticing Beatrice's approach. "If you touch me, I'm not responsible for what I'll do. I just - let's get on the plane and we can figure it out from there."

Beatrice touches her anyway, hands reaching for her hips and drawing her close. "I can't stand the look on your face right now."

"Let's just go back to Cape Town."

Beatrice manages a smile. "We already decided, remember?"

"I remember," she grumbles. "But plans can change, right? I mean, look at us. Did you expect nearly half the things we've done?"

"Definitely some more than others."

Ava picks at the buttons of her shirt, suitably distracted. "Do we have time for one more round?" she asks. "Just for the road."

Beatrice truly would deny her nothing, but they don't actually have time. "If you finish packing in the next ten minutes, maybe we can pay one last visit to the beach," she offers instead.

Ava just pecks her lips, and then gives into the decent trade. They have a long flight ahead of them, Beatrice picking her clothes to be the most comfortable for travel. Absently, she considers what it would mean to change her name now. Because she really is Beatrice Silva now, isn't she?

"I got you one more charm," Ava tells her, turning to face her, slight flush to her cheeks. "For your bracelet. It's a compass, within a Halo. I saw it, and I just thought - here is this person who will always find me. She'll stop at nothing and nobody, because she loves me so damn much, and I just - I wanted you to know it's what I always want, you know? For you to find me. Maybe this will help."

If possible, Beatrice falls even more in love. And she means it when she watches Ava slip the charm on, her mouth opening to say, "I will always find you."

It takes two days to get through the worst of the jet lag once they're back in Spain, and then they finally do what they've come to do.

Diego is asleep when they sneak into the orphanage. It's the middle of the night, the two of them carefully avoiding any person awake and finding themselves in what used to be Ava and Diego's shared room.

Truthfully, Beatrice wasn't sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn't a room so large. Particularly when one inhabitant was paralysed and the other is immobile in his own way.

"We were the problem children," Ava quietly explains. "They couldn't really put anyone else with us. Looks like Diego's living up to it."

"You created a monster, didn't you?"

"This is my proudest moment."

Beatrice just places hands on her hips, prompting her forward. "I'm sure he'd love it if you said hi," she says, voice gentle.

"What if he isn't happy to see me?" Ava asks, worried. "I just - I left him here, you know? I should have come back for him."

"You've had a lot going on," Beatrice says, as if either of them needs the reminder. "I think you'll be forgiven when you've been busy trying to save the world."

Ava tosses a look over her shoulder at her, smiling softly. "Have I told you I love you yet today?"

Beatrice just kisses her temple, and then sends her on her way with a gentle push towards the bed. It's a bit odd to see Ava nervous, but she does take a moment to compose herself before she approaches Diego's bed and gently shake him awake.

From his immediate reaction, Ava had absolutely nothing to worry about, his entire body buzzing with delight when he sees her.

"I'd like you to meet someone," Ava tells him, softly cutting into his excited retelling of a prank he pulled on one of the nuns. Her hand reaches out blindly for Beatrice, who steps forward, out of the shadows, to take it.

Ava seems to relax even further at the contact. "This is Beatrice," she tells him. "She's going to come and live at the castle in the hills with us, if that's okay."

It takes him a moment to catch onto what she's trying to tell him, but then he beams at her. "You found the love of your life?" he asks, voice a little high with excitement.

"I did," she confirms, pulling Beatrice closer. "Bea, this is Diego, my original partner in crime."

Beatrice stands just behind where Ava is now seated on the edge of his bed, feeling a bit nervous, herself. "Hello, Diego," she says, sounding formal to her own ears. She takes a breath and tries to rid her voice of it. "It's really lovely to meet you. Ava's told me a lot about your joint escapades. Something tells me I'd have my hands full trying to keep up with all your exploring."

Which basically prompts the two of them to launch into further plans for their castle. Beatrice just stands close, hand on Ava's shoulder as she leans against her, chiming in whenever they get a little too fantastical.

They stay a long while, leaving only when Diego tires and visibly begins to fade. Ava promises to visit more often, and Beatrice vows to help her keep said promise. They have duties, yes, to train and prepare for the Holy War, but Beatrice also knows that they deserve a life to be lived, and so they will.

Their next stop, incidentally, is Jillian.

She has reclaimed her role in Arq Tech, the portal returned to its rightful place in her private laboratory, dutifully plugged in, but also rigged with explosives in case something else unwanted comes through.

This time, there's more than one trigger.

She doesn't seem surprised to see them. Maybe she's been expecting them all along. She does give Ava a hug, though, and Beatrice can only wonder what the two of them actually spoke about before that final showdown with Adriel. Or immediately after Ava's return.

Does it even matter?

Jillian asks the question everyone will surely ask, though, and Ava is somehow expected to answer. "What happens now?"

The answer is still the same. They prepare. They build. They come together, and they get ready for what's to come.

Ava does, however, ask, "Is there some way to be able to contain it?"

"It?"

"The fight. Whatever it is. Wherever it is. Can we make it so it happens in only one place? Centring all our forces in one location; to give us a better than expected of winning?"

Maybe Ava asks this of her to keep her involved; to give her something to focus on after losing her son two times - and losing her company the one time. But also, maybe because they need her. They've definitely needed her in the past.

Jillian asks, "Will we be ready?" in a way that belies her belief in them, and the fate of the world.

"We'll have to be," Ava says. "We don't really have a choice."

"What a world to live in, hmm?" Jillian murmurs, looking away from them. "To have so many things thrust upon us."

For a moment, Beatrice wants to apologise to her. She can't say for sure why, but Jillian is yet another person who was dragged into this War relatively against her will, her true only fault trying to do all she could to save her son from the influence of Adriel - and then inadvertently helping them release him. She didn't choose this, and neither did Ava.

Beatrice did, before, and now it has chosen her in return.

The next few weeks and months are going to be difficult, Beatrice knows, so maybe this carousel of visits is needed before they do make their final return.

Jillian throws them slightly when she says, "Lilith visited, after."

Ava's fists clench under the table where they're seated, which Beatrice knows because one of her hands is caught in the clench. "What did she want?"

"I don't know," Jillian says. "I didn't see her."

"And she just left?"

"I suppose," she says, getting to her feet and retrieving a medium-sized box from a hidden drawer. "She left this, though," she tells them as she places it on the table and slides it towards them.

After a moment of hesitation, Ava opens it to reveal the Crown of Thorns, which is unexpected. Truthfully, Beatrice hasn't actually thought about the Crown's whereabouts since Ava disappeared through the Arc. Camila didn't mention anything about it, either, though she imagines that Yasmine had to have wondered of its location. Perhaps they just assumed Ava took it with her into the other realm.

Ava looks over at her now, frowning. "I don't remember seeing her take it," she says, which is easily explained. She was too busy dying to notice Lilith thwarting all their plans - again.

"What does this mean?" Ava asks, eyes remaining on Beatrice.

"Maybe this is her way of telling us she's chosen a side," Beatrice offers. "She wouldn't give us back this weapon if she's still working against us."

Ava just shakes her head, closing the box again. They can discuss Michael's killer at a time when they're not in front of his mother.

"It felt like an apology," Jillian says, voice quiet. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to accept it. Even in the face of this Holy War."

"We won't ask you to," Beatrice assures her, because even she's angered by Lilith. Still, even months later. Yes, her actions likely saved Ava's life in the long run, but she turned on their sisters and joined their enemy.

The enemy responsible for Mary's loss.

"I do want to help, though," Jillian says. "Michael's sacrifice needs to mean something."

They'll visit again, of course. It's an odd partnership now, Jillian heavily involved and a significant contributor to their upcoming fight. Beatrice knows they can't fail to win this War, so they're going to need all the help they can get.

Ava is particularly clingy when they leave, her one hand tucked into the back pocket of Beatrice's trousers. They have one more scheduled stop on their little visitation tour before they descend on Cat's Cradle, and that's to their new home just four kilometres away.

It's a cabin type space with the kind of aesthetic that has a small smile tugging at the edges of Beatrice's mouth. It's not quite coastal, which Ava complains about, but there's enough space and privacy around them to train in peace, which really means there's also enough space and privacy around them to -

Ava yanks her into a kiss, clearly having the same thought, and Beatrice smiles against her mouth as they stand on the front porch, nature surrounding them.

When Ava pulls away, Beatrice doesn't let her go too far. "Are you going to carry me across the threshold or what?" Ava asks, grinning, and then shrieking when Beatrice immediately lifts her into a bridal carry.

Beatrice steps into what will become their first home together, her heart pounding in her chest and her own smile unstoppable. It's terrifying, truly, everything is, but she has never felt so -

It just feels so -

Ava must feel it, too, because her smile matches Beatrice's when Beatrice sets her down in the middle of their new living room, hands already on her. Touching every part of her she can reach.

"Can we just - " Ava starts, slightly breathless. "Can we just stay here like this for a little while?"

Beatrice just kisses her, their bags abandoned in front of the cabin, forgotten. They should probably take a better look around and make sure everything is actually in order, but there's time for that later.

Not nearly enough time, but still time.

Beatrice doesn't know what the timeline is now. There are obviously things Ava hasn't told her yet, but she is still certain of at least two things: 1. Beatrice is returning to the OCS with the Warrior Nun in tow, and 2. Beatrice loves Ava.

Ava's hands slip under Beatrice's light jacket, fingers curling over her shoulders. "Why have I never seen you wear this before?"

"Probably because I'm going to need more than just a duffel of clothes from now on."

"I like it," Ava declares. "Really just works with your vibe."

"There you go again."

Ava just kisses her again, before grabbing her hand and dragging her through the cabin. Like every other place they've lived together, however temporarily, it's minimally furnished, with just enough for their needs.

"And there's your desk," Ava points out. "Organised-Beatrice would be lost without it." She squeezes Beatrice's hand before letting go and heading into what is their bedroom. "And there's our bed, where we'll sleep, and possibly do other things."

"Possibly?" Beatrice questions, following her into the bedroom.

Ava tosses her a look over her shoulder. "I just mean that we don't necessarily need a bed for those other things, you know?"

Beatrice does not blush. She absolutely doesn't.

"Later," Ava promises.

Later, after they've visited Cat's Cradle, reuniting with the OCS and probably unsuccessfully explaining what they've been up to for the past few months. Later, after they've revealed what they know about the upcoming Holy War and returned the Crown of Thorns to Yasmine.

Later, after they've confirmed that they are, in fact, romantically together.

It's what Beatrice is thinking about when they do finally make their way towards Cat Cradle, choosing to walk and prolong their journey. Ava's hand is soft and warm in hers, both of them silent in a way that reveals just how aware they both are that things are about to change.

It's what she's still thinking about when they arrive, standing hand-in-hand at the front gates, the great big fight ahead of them and the reality of their lives descending on them and settling heavily, a weight on their shoulders.

In Ava's back.

Beatrice is just as aware as she's sure Ava is that the Halo hasn't existed in the forefront of their minds for quite some time. Besides their sporadic training, Ava hasn't had much need to use it. They haven't had to fight for anything other than each other in more than three months. They've been able to exist as if they're normal, but that all changes once again.

Until now, Ava has been able to be just Ava - Beatrice's Ava - but she's now the Warrior Nun as well, and the Warrior Nun belongs to everyone else. It'll be a balance they'll have to work on, Beatrice is sure, but they've agreed that they're most powerful when they're together.

And if they're not, Beatrice already knows she'll burn this world to the ground to find her. She's done worse to people standing between them in the past, and she will do it again, and again. She will take down armies and collapse entire nations to get to her.

"Ready?" Ava asks her, squeezing her fingers.

Beatrice takes a deep, calming breath, and squeezes back. Can one ever be ready for what's to come? Particularly when they don't even know what it is.

What Beatrice knows is they'll certainly try. They don't have a choice but to do what ever is necessary for not only them to keep living, but for the entire world as well. She doesn't want to think about it that way, but it's their truth now.

"Bea," Ava says, a question in her voice. They have plans, for now, and for their future. Because that's what they have: a future, together. "Bea?"

"I'm ready," Beatrice finally says, taking a step forward, Ava's hand solid in her own. "Whatever happens, we'll beat them," she adds, desperate to believe it for both of them - for all of them.

Ava grins at her now, having her own words echoed back.

"Together, we'll find a way."

Fin