25.

Reconstruction/Deconstruction

White sheets. Cool air. Color and light. He felt so heavy, and it took him a moment of grappling into consciousness to realize it was because he could barely move his legs.

"Ienzo? Love?"

Ienzo turned his head as much as he was able. He seemed to have motion in his upper body, but even that was difficult, like tugging on puppet strings. "Ev-even?" He swallowed.

"Would you like some water? I'll get some. Don't move."

As if he could help it. Blurrily, he saw Even retreat to a corner of this room-the castle infirmary?-and pour water from a pitcher. He knew he should be grateful to still be sighted at all, after using so much magic. He squinted. Even handed him the cup; he could barely close his hand around it, but he managed it at last. Despite IV fluids, he was so thirsty .

"Are you in any pain? I can get you some medication if-"

"No. I'm not. But I can't… it's hard to move."

"...I know." Even smoothed some of the hair from Ienzo's face. His own face was pale, pinched, a large bruise along his throat yellowing. "From the magic use. Breaking down a limiter of that strength… then triggering what you did… frankly, it's a miracle you're still alive."

"Will I be like this… always?"

"I'm optimistic you'll recover yet, but… there may be some lingering effects."

"What's happened? How long have I been out? Where's Amalia? Where's-?"

"One thing at a time, child. It's imperative you remain calm."

Ienzo tried to center himself, tried to take deep breaths. Even took his hand and rubbed it, gently.

"Amalia is safe and well. I suspect Ansem is enjoying having time with her. Once he received some blood replacement, Demyx was fine too. I'm sure he'll be thrilled you're awake. It was all rather… dramatic, how it went down. You've been unconscious close to three weeks."

"Aeleus? ...Isa? What of… everything else? Xehanort's forces? The son who called himself Ansem? He wasn't in the throne room that day-"

Even's eyes went blank, and he turned towards the window. "I'm afraid when I… felt your burst of magic-it was felt everywhere, Ienzo, I don't think you understand-I assumed the worst and I-I did something reckless. He was our jailer, in my old labs, something he no doubt had great pleasure in. For the first time in my life… I acted on impulse." He looked at his free hand, which was trembling. "I knew you were in trouble, and I-"

Ienzo had never heard Even sound so shaky. He choked down guilt. "You killed him."

"...He was the gatekeeper." He'd turned faintly green.

"Was that the first time you took a life?"

"It does not matter. It needed to happen either way." He swallowed. "I made my way there, with ease. You killed every Heartless in the vicinity. Those that were human were knocked unconscious, or fled."

"I… I did?"

"...Quite. The initial scouting indicates that… you may have slain every one in the city."

"It was not conscious," he admitted. "All I saw was that Demyx was bleeding out and the soulbinding reacted to all that-"

"-and the rush of emotions triggered magic. Of course it did."

Ienzo lay back a little. "So without the three of them… and no Heartless…"

"The capital city's under the control of the resistance." But there was no happiness in his expression.

"Shouldn't we be… glad? This is among the best case scenarios-"

"The sudden death of Xehanort and two of his sons has caused something like a power vacuum. The people don't know how to react. There's still darkness and various devotees of it spread throughout the country. Some states have turned over towards us, but others are… hesitant. Waiting to see might happen. And there are those who are outright fighting. Aeleus and Isa are among the front line, trying to see what can be done to restore order without worsening things. Meanwhile your father is trying to pursue international aid… and research better ways to defeat the darkness."

"And of you?"

A pause. "I've been taking care of you."

"I'm sure you'll be relieved to go back to research, then."

Even reached forward to smooth Ienzo's hair. "To be truthful, it has been nice, to have this space to think. To consider."

Ienzo understood. "...It's alright if you're upset, Even."

"It is so silly , that I feel such guilt for killing one who's killed thousands with his actions-but my feelings are not important."

"I'm sure that's not the case." Ienzo struggled to sit up; Even adjusted the pillows under him. "So much for fighting back."

"I think you've done enough. You must recover for what comes next."

"Amalia. I need to see her."

He hesitated.

"Please, Even."

"...Quite." He seemed to go a little deeper into himself. "Perhaps there will be one day when I'm not constantly in fear of your life."

"I sincerely hope so."

Ienzo watched him leave the room. He'd never seen Even so scattered before, so almost… unsure . Had something else happened he was not telling Ienzo, about the man calling himself Ansem? That bruise…

He hadn't been conscious long, but he was already exhausted. He could still feel his legs, but moving was the problem. Perhaps he could get a wheelchair, and get around that way? He couldn't seriously sit around and do nothing while all this fighting happened-

The door opened. In came Demyx, carrying their daughter. She'd gotten even bigger since Ienzo last saw her-another month he'd missed-and she was chewing on a teething ring. "Hey," he said, softly. Like Even, his eyes were closed off.

"How do you feel?" Ienzo asked.

"Me? Oh, I'm fine. Ugly scar, but oh well, right? How are… you?" Amalia was staring at him, not with fear like before, but perhaps curiosity. Ienzo tried to reach out to her with his magic, but it was like swatting wet laundry; it didn't come instantly to his call. So instead he reached out one trembling hand. She smiled and handed him the slimy teething ring. "Oh, sweetie, I'm sure daddy doesn't want that."

"Could I…" He wasn't sure he was physically strong enough to hold her.

"Ah… sure." Demyx pulled the chair closer to the bed and plopped her onto the mattress. "I've been… bringing her in here for a while every day. While daddy takes his long nap, right?"

She made a sound like "boo."

"She talks." Tears rose to his eyes.

"Well. Vocalizes."

She clapped her hands together.

"And she can hold herself up."

"She crawls, too. Ah-like that." She had dragged herself almost across Ienzo's lap. "I have a feeling she'll be running before long."

Amalia looked up at him and made a noise that could only be expressed as "?"

"Daddy," Demyx said to her helpfully. "You remember now, yeah."

"Baba."

"Daddy. Good." He smoothed the curls off her forehead.

Ienzo felt a rush of affection which was almost painful. "Look at you, big girl." He wasn't sure what else to say. She tugged at the sleeve of his robe. "Can you help me?" he asked Demyx.

"Sure." He eased her into his lap. Amalia pressed her cheek against his chest. "See? Crisis averted."

"I'm guessing the curls came from you."

"The only time my hair was long enough to tell was when I was underwater, so." He shrugged. Amalia gave him a toothless smile. "Look at you, happy girl."

Ienzo noticed the difference in his voice when he spoke to the two of them. "Are you comfortable? Here?"

"Oh, yeah. Ansem set us up nice in your old room. If you don't mind."

"Why would I mind?"

Another shrug. "Oof, drool patrol." He grabbed a tissue and dabbed at it. "She's teething something wicked."

"Maybe the next time you come you could bring me a book, so I could read to her."

"She'd probably like that."

Ienzo wrapped his arms loosely around her, and she let him. Feeling the warmth and weight of her-the subtle twitch of her limbs- and hearing her little babbling eased this awful ache he'd had for so long. "I missed you," he said to her. He kissed her head. "I missed you so much. I just… hope we can be a family now."

"That would be nice," he said softly. "Wouldn't it?" The last part he repeated in a goofy voice, and Amalia laughed. "You think you'll be okay?"

"Even's optimistic. And I trust him."

"He's been up here almost constantly."

"But the castle is… safe, for you two?"

"Oh, yeah. Magic users crawling out of the woodwork to help. I've still got some fight in me."

"I hope that soon I can be back on my feet, and start being a bigger part of her life."

"One thing at a time." Ienzo wondered if he was imagining the flatness in his eyes. "Isn't that right, Li-li?"

It took Ienzo weeks to start feeling something resembling "normal." For several nights the pain of his healing nerves kept him awake, but at least once it was through with he could limp around a little. He could play with Amalia a little more actively. Physical therapy made him somewhat stronger, and while he had to use a cane to walk more than a few steps, Even believed it would be gone before long.

Members of his family and the resistance ducked in and out. Ansem brought him books, briefed him on the situation as it developed. "Almost feels as though my skills to rule have grown rusty," he admitted. "It is difficult to tell… which members of parliament left are lying, when they say they did not hold any allegiance towards Xehanort. I'm tempted to dissolve the whole thing and hold elections, but we simply can't do so at the moment. Making sure our people are fed and safe and cared for is more important than politics at the moment. Thankfully the bordering nations have been kind enough to send along resources and medics."

"I wish I could help," Ienzo said. "Being here, waylaid and helpless -"

Ansem just patted his hand. "You jumpstarted a revolution, Ienzo," he said.

"So I'm told, but I wonder if you all are exaggerating to salve my ego."

The pat became more of a squeeze. "Control of Radiant Garden was crucial," he said. "And you achieved that."

"Only because Xehanort mortally wounded Demyx, and I reacted instinctively-were it not for that my whole plan would've collapsed-"

"Ienzo. Why are you being hard on yourself?"

He felt tears in his eyes. "These past six months… I've been sitting here in luxury playing silly mind games while my daughter grew up without me, while the rest of you suffered. "

"You did the best you could with what you had-and you did pretty damn well. This guilt is pointless, Ienzo."

"I… I know."

"We are together now. We will rebuild. And I hope things will be better than they were before."

He sniffled. "Is it over? Can it just be over?"

Ansem drew him into an embrace.

Spring began in earnest. Ienzo realized one morning as he woke in the infirmary that the lingering smell of darkness that had hung over Radiant Garden was gone, and a fresh rain brought in the sea air. He no longer needed the cane, but he tired easily, and his legs still ached tremendously. Once he was well enough, he insisted that he be more involved in the reconstruction, insofar as he could.

There was the reality of Xehanort's youngest son's experiments. Ienzo had purged the Heartless, but the poor people who had not been transformed were instead traumatized and in some cases catatonic. While there were doctors and psychologists willing to help them, it was hard to tell if they could be helped. Ansem organized national days of mourning for those who had been lost, and released the lists of names so families could have closure. The youngest son had kept meticulous records.

He asked community leaders to come forward with ideas as to help their nation move on. Darkness still existed; but now that people had hope, they were more willing to fight. That, and with the darkness easing, they were getting early signs that the planet could still heal. Ienzo swore he could feel its pulse, its life reaching up to his magic. He wished he did not feel so powerless.

"We don't want things to go back to the way they were," Ansem said in a broadcast. "Clearly, "normal" meant "suffering" for some. Darkness… only made that pain more obvious. If we wish to maintain the light, we must heal one another."

Finally, Ienzo was well enough to go back to his rooms, and begin repairing his family… because it was going to take a lot of work. Amalia was more familiar with him, more comfortable, but still she always looked towards Demyx when she needed something.

And there was the matter of… Demyx.

At first Ienzo thought the distance between them was all paranoia on his part, but it became clear in the way Demyx spoke to him, especially when it came to their daughter. "You dressed her in that? She hates that one, it's itchy against her scales." "Sure. You can do that. I guess." "Look, I know you're trying, but strawberries give her gas ." "You let her nap too long. Now she's not going to sleep through the night." That, and the flatness in his eyes. It wasn't openly unfriendly, but it lacked the warmth that they'd had before.

More straining than this, in some ways, was sharing a bed. Ienzo had honestly been looking forward to reconnecting on a physical level-he hoped it would help him sleep the deep way he had when they lived together-but that first night Demyx just rolled onto his side and fell asleep. He let it go a few nights, wondering if it were just a pain of readjustment, if he were just used to sleeping alone. Finally, he just got fed up and crawled over to spoon him, jerking him out of his sleep. "What are you-?"

"Trying to touch you?"

"Well could you please not?"

For a moment there was just silence.

Demyx exhaled heavily and ran his hand through his hair. "Look, I… I'm sorry for snapping. But I… I'm not comfortable ."

Ienzo swallowed and felt a lump in his throat. "Would you prefer I slept elsewhere?"

"No, it's… it's fine."

Ienzo eased back to his side of the bed. He knew he would not be able to sleep. As it was, he was struggling not to cry.

The next day they behaved as normally as they could in front of their daughter, but when Ansem came and asked if he could spend some time with her, Ienzo agreed before Demyx could get a word in edgewise. "We need to talk," Ienzo said.

Demyx wrinkled his nose. "Do we have to?"

"Yes. We do." Ienzo was surprised to feel his temper flare, but he kept it in check. "Look, we're… we're parents, and we're soulmates . A lot has happened, and you have a right to feel the way you do. But that can't begin to heal if we keep ignoring it."

He seemed to not know what to say.

"How do you feel, Demyx?" Ienzo asked.

He rubbed at his arm. "I feel like… I feel…" He swallowed. "Something's just wrong ? With me?"

"You're processing."

"Not that. I don't know. For a long time I just missed you so much it hurt, and I didn't know how I was going to do any of it, be her dad, or…" He trailed off, a flush darkening his face. "And then I saw you again, and you were alive, and I was so happy and so relieved and I don't know what happened since then. Something's wrong."

A suspicion slid into place, and Ienzo's voice shook when he asked, "wrong how ?"

Tears flooded his eyes. "I don't feel anything. When I look at you. You're the father of my child. But it's just… I feel like… I was meant to be her dad, but… I don't know if I'm meant to be with you?" His voice quivered and broke. "I want to. I want to be in love with you again. But I…"

"I think I understand," Ienzo said woodenly.

Demyx hesitated. He stared at Ienzo for a moment, and then he took a few steps forward and kissed him, hard.

And it was different.

Physically, it felt the same, the way they moved together. But it was just a nice kiss, without the heavy reassurance that yes , this is part of you, everything is safe, everything is okay.

In his mind's eye, Ienzo saw Xehanort gouging him below the heart. "Oh," he said softly.

"What's wrong with me, Ienzo? Am I just depressed?"

"No," he said. Numbly, he pulled away.

"...What?"

And then he started laughing.

" What ?"

Once he began, he couldn't stop, until tears were running down his face, and he couldn't breathe, and somewhere the gasps of laughter became sobs, and he was curled in a ball on the floor. He felt Demyx's hand on his back, warm but the touch was so wrong .

"Ienzo. What is it?"

He looked up. "Xehanort broke the soulbound."