26.

Break

Even just held his palm over Demyx's chest for a long time. "I'd thought-something felt off-but back when you were injured, I was…" He swallowed. "Perhaps a bit compromised-"

"Is it possible?" Ienzo asked. He was feeling weak, and his legs were aching. His own chest felt heavy. He wondered if this was what heartbreak felt like.

"Is it possible ? Yes. Is it easy? No. Doubtless he used darkness to sever that bond. No wonder your attack was so powerful, Ienzo, and sent you right into shock."

"So it's… true?" Demyx sounded like he'd been punched in the groin. "We're really…"

He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"But what about pairbonding?" Ienzo asked quickly. "If we are on some level intrinsically compatible, couldn't we reestablish that bond in some small way? Choose it?"

"I suppose you… could," Even said.

"Can it be fixed?" Demyx asked.

"It could only be fixed by whoever bound you… and the seeker colony in Destiny Islands is more or less eradicated."

"What of my magic?" Ienzo asked. Yet again, he felt near tears. He didn't think he'd ever cried so much. "If I am supposedly so powerful-"

Even's eyes were very tired. "I suppose with your power-at its peak-it's theoretically possible. But it's not at its peak, Ienzo. Can you even feel it, after what happened?"

"...Scarcely."

"What do we…" Demyx was gasping. "What do we do?"

"I'm afraid I don't know." It seemed to pain him to admit. "Perhaps you could work on this pairbond? Perhaps? There's no spell or procedure I know that can fix this."

Demyx just stared at Ienzo a long time. Wordlessly, he got up and left the room. Ienzo went to follow, but Even just took his hand.

"Let him," he said. "He needs to grieve."

"I feel such… pain," Ienzo said. "Such…"

"Lie here." He did so and felt Even probe him. "...Sadist," he muttered.

"What?"

"He broke the bond on one end only."

"Solely to cause me pain?"

"Quite."

"But if I still have it…" His own breaths were coming hard and fast. "Can I… could it…"

"Reform? Ienzo, I have no idea. This is so far out of my depths I'm speculating." He squeezed Ienzo's shoulder. "You need time."

"I feel like I'm bleeding."

"I know, child." He drew him into an embrace. "I know."

To his surprise, Demyx was actually in with Amalia when he left Even's lab. He was singing to her softly in that old language again, and she was clapping her hands and squealing with delight. If Ienzo had not been in so much pain, he would've garnered some pleasure from the grin she gave him when she saw him. She reached up to him.

"She wants you," Demyx said numbly. Ienzo scooped her into his arms. He was still physically weak; it took work to pretend that picking her up didn't tire him.

"Dad is giving you a concert, huh?" he asked. She just reached up to put her hands on his face.

"Noses are her new favorite thing," he said, turning away to pick up toys off of the floor.

"I know, Demyx. I was here when that started."

He jerked a little. "Right… I forgot. Still kinda stuck in single dad mode."

"I suppose you must be." Amalia babbled happily. "Do you want to see the gardens? Go outside?" She laughed. "How are you feeling?"

"Me?" His eyes were red. "Oh, you know." His expression said as if I would answer in front of the baby.

"Perhaps you would want to… have some dinner later?"

He hesitated. "Okay. Just tell them to give her plastic this time, or maybe not anything glass they care about."

He tried not to let his pain show. "...Alright."

Ienzo thought he might be losing his mind. He knew giving into this heartbreak was exactly what Xehanort would've wanted, but it wasn't like he could help it. Every time he saw Demyx he thought he might scream. Keeping something resembling peace between them for their daughter's sake made it all the harder. Ienzo knew that as a seeker this was hitting doubly hard for him, but at the same time, was there really so little between them without the soulbond to justify this?

Ienzo began sleeping on the chaise in the drawing room near his daughter's crib. He was not asked to do it, but sharing such a cold bed only made it harder. It wasn't as though he slept well lately anyway. Demyx didn't comment on it. Ienzo noticed he had stopped singing.

How could he begin to fix this?

Despite it all, there was still massive national upheaval. So Ienzo devoted himself to the care of Amalia and to his work.

The west coast was still giving them the most trouble. Pockets of Xehanort's supporters-the ones who had helped the spread of his regime in the first place-held their towns hostage. The negotiations were complicated, and messy, and while Ienzo wanted nothing more for them to be judged for their heinous crimes, Ansem advocated leniency of all things. "If we jail them, they'll just make it worse for their citizens," he said. "The people's safety is more important."

"But if we let them off now there will never be a case in the future." The courts, too, were still in shambles.

"You must learn compromise, Ienzo," Ansem said gently.

Ienzo just stared at the sea of papers on the table where they were working. "After all these years… all the studies Even forced on me… I feel like I truly know nothing about becoming king."

Ansem reached over and rubbed his shoulder. "You could have all the preparation in the world and you'd still feel naked," he told him. "I did."

"You did? But you're so… well, wise."

He chuckled. "Child, I was the "spare" in the "heir and a spare." I did not anticipate ever having to go into politics, more than showing up to silly royal functions-that was all on your mother. So our mother let me go into my science, into my research, then all of a sudden one day I'm receiving a call that suddenly… I have been… ascended. " He said the word bitterly. "I felt just as you do now. Helpless. Stupid. Ignorant."

"How did you know I feel all those things?"

"It's on your face." He smiled. "I will help you, Ienzo. I'm not going to throw you to the wolves. We will rebuild together, which may take years. Once things have settled… we can revisit the matter as to whether or not you're ready to rule independently."

His eyes were hot from looking at so much paper. "Is it bad to say I did not think I'd ever get here? I always thought… I'd be running forever… I never envisioned a future for myself, much less my people. I never thought I'd actually live to rule."

"A trauma response, doubtless."

"You think I'm traumatized?"

"Surely you didn't think such a life was mentally good for you? Living in the moment was the only way to cope."

"I still don't feel safe."

"I know. And I'm sorry."

There was a long pause. Ansem got up and turned on the electric kettle. "It is nice, to be together again," Ienzo admitted. "Were I alone… I don't think I could cope."

Ansem handed him a cup of tea. "Connection is imperative."

"...Yes." He tried not to think of Demyx. He felt his nails digging into his palms. "Father, I…"

"It's alright, Ienzo. You must grieve." A substantial pause. "But with pain comes vulnerability, which might be useful. I was wondering…"

"What?"

"...If it might be time to reintroduce you to the people. The real you, not the mask you put on for Xehanort. You… and your daughter."

Ienzo swallowed. "I looked like a traitor."

"You were a captive doing your best to subvert an entire regime , which you did. Besides. I think the presence of your child… will make you look paternal. Trustworthy."

"There's so much we haven't spoken about," he murmured. "My time as a captive… my child… all this… this guilt I feel… the fact that I've taken human lives… I…"

"It's alright to be upset."

"My emotions are so close to my skin."

"I'd be shocked if they weren't."

Ienzo shuddered. "And it feels strange to cry in front of you."

He hugged him. "It's alright, Ienzo. Best to do so rather than hold it all in."

So he did. He felt like a child, but all the pain inside of him needed out somehow. Who else was he comfortable in front of? Not Demyx, surely, and Even was struggling with his own issues.

He wasn't sure he felt better afterwards. He just felt exhausted. Ansem offered him a tissue. "I'm told Remy was able to recreate the sea salt ice cream you loved as a boy. Perhaps you might like to have some."

"I think I need it, yes."

Ienzo dangled Ansem's proposal in front of Demyx, tentatively. "It was to happen eventually anyway, given her status," he said. He couldn't bring himself to make eye contact.

"...She's only eight months old," he said.

"It's not like she'd have any duties. That is to say-"

"It's to clear your name."

"...As I am to be king, you have to admit it's important."

"...I dunno. Seems like you made your bed on that one."

He'd had about enough. "What was I do to, then?" he snapped. "Fight and fight and fight and what, get killed? All that would've meant is Xehanort would still be here, still quite literally killing the earth, and Amalia would've grown up without me. I am doing my best, Demyx. I am. She is my child too. And sometimes I am allowed to make decisions on her behalf."

Amalia seemed confused at the razors in his voice. She gasped once and started to cry. "You're upsetting her," Demyx said. "She's not used to people-" His face flushed. Then, "What are we going to do, Ienzo?"

"What do you mean?"

"Us. With her."

For a moment, Ienzo thought he might faint. "Do you really think there's nothing salvageable?" he asked in a strangled voice. "Do you really think it's not worth trying -"

"I don't know. " He was shaking. "All I know is that a huge part of me is fucking dead. And I just… wonder…" He took a shuddering breath. "I lost everything. My family, my memories, my friends, and now you?"

"...I know. I know that. Did you forget I did too?"

Silence. Amalia was still crying, more quietly. Ienzo scooped her up and kissed her brow.

"I was in hiding for twelve years before I met you. I know how you feel, Demyx. I do. I can't pretend to understand how this affects your magic. I just know that… squabbling about all this isn't going to help anything. I still…" He swallowed. "I still love you. And I understand if you can't find that love within you. But for our daughter…" Diplomacy. Diplomacy. "Can we please at least be friendly? Come to agreements?"

He was breathing hard. "I was alone for so long."

"I know."

"We were supposed to be happy."

"I know."

"Is this… ever going to end?"

Ienzo stroked Amalia's hair. "Consider this," he said softly. "By giving into this despair, we're just giving Xehanort more power. By not fighting for one another, we're letting him win. He wanted to divide us."

Demyx's eyes were watering.

"...I'm going to give her a bath. Let me know if you'd like to talk more about this. I certainly would."

Once he had Amalia in the water, he couldn't help but shed a few more tears of his own, feeling weak. She reached up with her wet little hands. "Ba," she said, confused.

"I'm sorry for fighting in front of you, love. That wasn't right. It won't happen again."

"Mm," she said. He poured a cupful of water over her.

"Was what you told me right? Is this all going to work out?"

She cocked her head, her wet curls swaying slightly.

"...Perhaps you might like me to read you The Great Escape again before bed?"

She squealed. "Ba! Ba!"

"...Book. Very good."

She picked at her navel. Ienzo found himself oddly envious of simpler times. This is not good for my mental state, he thought. Perhaps I should seek therapy as well. She made an odd face, and then shrugged her tiny shoulders.

"Are you itchy again?" He reached behind her to give her back a good scratch along the scales, in inverse Ls on her shoulder blades. She sighed. "Yes, feels better, doesn't it?"

She opened her eyes wide. For a moment Ienzo was convinced she was seeing into him, and he felt dizzy. She reached up to touch his face, her small wet palm catching in his hair and pressing against his blind eye.

"Don't poke people's eyes, sweetie, it's not ni…" A very, very odd feeling rushed over him, a vertigo, a prickling in his being. Everything inside of him went limp, and he collapsed.