Note: so sorry for posting that late, got a little busy this week, but here you go, still hoping you will enjoy the chapter. Thanks for the reviews, it's really encouraging.

Warning: M

Missouri, Chandler's house.

She woke up, almost jumping out of the bed. It was early in the morning, 5:20am and the bedsheets were damp by her sweat, and she was feeling miserable. Sasha compulsively closed her eyes, trying to calm her down, knowing her heart was beating too fast, - again. The same nightmares, - again. But this time, the comforting arms of her man weren't here to hold her close, and she kind of forgot how to deal with it on her own. With Tom being back in her life, she wasn't alone in the secured bubble she'd built time after time. Knowing she couldn't go back to sleep she decided to get up. After a cold shower, she made her way downstairs to get breakfast ready for the kids, so they wouldn't go to school with empty stomachs. It was rarely happening but just in case, and she was happy to share a moment with them before they'd all start their day.

2 months. 2 months since she left the Nathan James. She started her new office job as the head of NI, and that was a hell different from what she used to do, as a ground officer or as a US diplomatic in Asia. But she didn't hate it, it was nice to have another view of the job. Delegate, she learned this word and it wasn't easy still. She was trying to get used to a 9-5 day, this life had some advantages to offer but she was still missing her old life. Lost in her thoughts, filling up a cup of coffee the way she liked, she didn't hear the steps behind her.

"Sasha...?" a small voice called her. She turned around and saw Ashley standing up in the kitchen, still in her pjs. The teenage girl was still sleepy but looked a bit confused - or worried, she couldn't tell.

"Hey Ash, good morning." she greeted her with a smile. "Anything on your mind?"

Ashley looked kind of relieved, just like if she was waiting for Sasha to ask her so she could tell everything. That was much better and easier for her to have a feminine presence in the house, she loved her dad but sometimes he was so strict.

"I was wondering, I know dad will love us no matters what but..." she said, hesitant. "He won't love this new baby more than us ? I mean you too, I know you're aren't our mother but we like you, and we don't want you to forget about us once the baby will be born."

And she said it without even blinking or breathing, waiting nervously for her answer. When Tom and Sasha first announced them they would welcome a baby in few months she was pretty happy, hoping it would be a little sister. But afterward, she realized this baby could put them in the shadow, and hoped it wouldn't be happening. Sam and her really got attached to Sasha over the time, and they didn't want to have a bad relation with their step mother, like some of their friends at school had.

"Of course not Ashley, there will be no difference between you and this baby, don't ever worry about it, I promise."

Sasha tried to sounds as confident as possible, she didn't want the girl to think she or Tom would do such a thing. She liked them, it was easy because they were great kids. And they did welcome her very well, she first got scared they wouldn't like her, and she was wrong. Ashley hadn't been as enthusiastic as her brother but time after time, she liked when Sasha was around them. His father was in a better mood, and they had more fun, they were hanging around all 4, having barbecues, walk in the park, family time in the evening, brunches on Sunday when they weren't working, and it felt so good. So good to have a normal life again.

"Can you promise ?" she quietly asked.

Sasha made a move to come closer to the girl, looking at her with sincerity. She wanted her to know how serious and honest she was. "Yes, I promise. This baby will never replace you or Sam, and no one will be loved more. We will have enough love for all of you, and i'm speaking for your father as well, he would definitely agree with me."

Ashley's shoulders relaxed, and she breathed out, relieved. She hugged Sasha tight, almost forgetting about the baby, letting her go after few seconds. "Thank you. For being here with us."

"Anytime Ashley, it's making me happy as well."

And I can't wait for your dad to join us…she thought. This is the moment the baby decided to kick in Sasha's stomach, making her bit her lower lip. That was still painful, a bit more every time and she wanted to avoid what happened on the ship, one time was more than enough. She knew her due date was getting closer everyday, and she was kind of anxious.

"Is the baby moving ?" Ashley asked the second when she saw Sasha's grimace. But she didn't get her answer as Sam almost ran in the kitchen, still in his sleep clothes, looking really happy and well awake.

"Is the baby coming today ?" He asked before greeting them. Sam especially had been very excited and happy about his new baby sibling. He had already tell all of his friends about it and had prepared a very long list with everything he could do as a big brother. He wouldn't be the youngest of the family anymore and he was beyond happy about it. Sasha laughed a bit before gently ruffling the boy's hair. "Not today still Sam, it's a bit early don't you think ?"

He shook his head, apparently not agreeing with her. "Well it takes an eternity, why can't he be ready just like a cake in the oven ? It would be more fun, and definitely quicker!"

"Stop saying he, it might be a girl!" Ashley launched at him.

Sam looked at her with horror, offended by what she had just tell him. "No it's not! I'm 100% sure it's gonna be a boy!" he said, while looking up at Sasha for some help. "Right Sasha ? You are giving us a baby brother huh ?" He was looking at her with puppy eyes and Sasha felt her hearts melt, unable to form a sentence, she didn't want one of them to be disappointed when they'd find out about the gender. "Sorry guys joker, we still have no idea, it's gonna be a surprise. Even for us." And before they could debate again, she brought to the kitchen table a full plate of pancakes.

"Who's hungry ?"

Mediterranean Sea - 12.00am local hour

Tom was pacing back and forth in his cabin. It was late, and he was madly worried. One month since the last news he got from Sasha, for a few minutes he talked to her, trying to be sure she was aright, so were his kids, the three of them. He was dying to tell her for real - and not by a radio - how much he was missing and loving her, that life was bitter and fade without her by his side. It was killing him to know they were away from him, he wanted to hold them close and never let them again. Since she left, he'd barely showed emotions, doing his work as he always did. With grace and seriousness. But part of him wasn't in it, he couldn't focus on anything other than a beautiful dark haired woman.

"Sasha…." he whispered for himself, taking the picture he preciously kept in his wallet for years. For a few minutes he couldn't take off his eyes from it, all the souvenirs coming back to his memory. And he cherished all of them, they were so precious. Tom then remembered the day his daughter Ashley found out about the picture.

Just before his deployment to Artic, before the virus outbreak, he found her in his office, back in their Norfolk home.

"Ash what are you doing here sweetie ?"

She'd flipped back and he saw a small piece of paper in her hands, but was too far to see what it was. Coming closer, he saw a face he could never ever forget. The woman on the picture had very dark hair, a porcelain skin, a radiant smile, and blue sapphire eyes. She was smiling, showing her perfect teeth to whoever was behind the camera. She looked so happy, young and so innocent. Tom heart's tightened. Not a day had passed since their breakup without him carrying and keeping preciously this pic, everywhere he was going to.

Who is it dad ?" she asked, clearly lost, wondering why it wasn't a pic of her mom instead. "Why do you keep a picture of her ?"

The question left Tom speechless for a moment. He didn't expect his daughter to find about her. Darien knew their story, and knew he kept her picture. But she didn't mind that much, she was great woman, and she did help him a lot.

He took a deep breathe and finally looked at his daughter, trying to mentally choose the right words to answer her.

"It's Sasha. She was one of my student back at the naval academy." His voice was calm, but Ashley figured out he was trying to hide something. She was young, but old enough to know that no one was keeping a picture of a random person.

She raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue the story. Swallowing, Tom decided to continue, after all, she was old enough to know some of his past.

"As I said, she was one of my student but also my girlfriend for years. It was before I met your mom." he wanted to be as clear as possible so Ashley wouldn't make any misunderstanding. "We had a platonic and passionate relation ship but had to end everything because of our own needs. I wanted a family, to settle down. She was younger than me, almost 10 years, and she wanted to build her career, travel the world and become a badass agent. So she left me, so I could make have what i wanted the most. And few months after our break up I've met your mom, and had you and your brother…"

"And where is she now ? Did she became a badass agent like she wanted to be ?" she curiously asked, imagining her being like those movies characters.

"I have no ideas." he sighted. "Didn't hear from her in fifteen years, since we broke up. I only know she'd been deployed to Asia but that's it. And i'm pretty sure she became one, she was my most brilliant student, every departments wanted her, even the CIA was interested. I wouldn't be surprise at all to learn she became head of one of theses department. Or even Commander." his answer was full of honesty, and he hoped she could understand.

And he suddenly realised he wouldn't be against having some news or updates about her, and her current situation.

"Do you miss her sometimes ? I mean, is that the reason why you keep a picture of her with you ?" the little girl asked, kind of confused. "And…do you still love mom ?"

"I do, but I know wherever she is now, she's happy. Just like me, I wouldn't change a single thing of my life, you, your brother and your mom are everything to me." he whispered, as his daughter came closer to hug him tight. "And yes baby, I do, my life is with mom, and I love her."

"Well dad, i have to admit she is beautiful, you definitely have good tastes…!" Ashley said, with a bit of admiration in her voice. She then put back the pic when she'd found it, and left, waving her dad bye and ran outside to go play with the neighbours.

Tom stayed a little bit in his office, looking at Sasha's picture with a nostalgic look.

"Yes, she is…" he thought, putting it back in his wallet.

Back to the reality, Tom looked up on the clock and saw it was almost midnight. He'd spent so long thinking about everything and anything and his biggest preoccupation hadn't changed. He changed into comfy clothes for the night, setting onto the bed, trying to ignore the flashbacks of their forbidden nights here. But he couldn't find sleep. Fixing the ceiling, he tried to imagine what Sasha would be doing, if she liked her new job, how busy she was, how was life with the kids….

She was the one staying put at home, with kids and an office job, and he was the one deployed away from home. He smiled to this thought. Sasha wasn't really the type of staying at home, away from action. She was the action herself. Just thinking about her made him hard. Looking down, he got shocked at how quick his body was reactive. Within seconds he felt too tight in his pants, and had to free his throbbing erection, trying to think about something else but it didn't work that well. He then closed his eyes, grabbing himself in one hand, slowly stroking it, wanting to let it go before it would be too painful to handle. The desire was burning his entire body, and he knew he wouldn't last long. Few quick strokes later - imagining Sasha's touch all over him - and he felt his release hitting him hard, groaning and leaving him out of breath.

Missouri, General Quarters of Naval Intelligence

Sasha had been working all day, trying to get as much work done as she could. But they needed more resources, more people, the country was still trying to rebuild itself after the pandemic. And even president Oliver couldn't make miracles…. Gathering informations, leading teams, recruiting new talented officers, imagining strategies, trying to obtain intel, everything was more tiring than she'd expect. And staying put behind a desk, between 4 walls she called office was slowly driving her crazy.

She wasn't used to this kind of lifestyle, with a full settle work routine and housewife activities. She took a break, leaning back in her chair, closing her eyes for a second. Because of night terrors happening almost every night, she wasn't rested, and was indeed very tired. With house tasks, kids, a full time job and the pregnancy, Sasha had no time to be bored - which was good, because that was one of the fear she had when Tom announced her she was going back to St Louis.

All of her life, she never settled down for that long, even back in China she had others activities beside her job as a diplomatic. Wasn't really legal, but it was keeping her busy, useful and she was always feeling this little excitement beats deep inside of her. Lost in her thoughts she almost missed the call on her phone. That was an unknown number.
"This is Sasha Cooper speaking, what can i do for you ?"

She listened to her interlocutor, nodding at the same time and suddenly looking the time it was on the big clock. Standing and hanging up, Sasha put as much folders as she could, her laptop and stuff in her briefcase, grabbed her jacket and almost ran out the office. In no time she was parked in front of the Sam's school, making her way to the hallway.

"Hi, excuse me, where is the classroom 45?" she asked to the woman behind the secretary desk.

Once Sasha got the right direction, she made her way up to finally reach her goal. And she saw him, sitting on a bench outside, with a bandage on his forehead.

"Hi Sam, what's going on?" she asked, worried, sitting next to him, trying to look everything but not mad, knowing that Sam would close himself otherwise and not talk to her.

And to help him, she needed him to talk and explain what happened. Sam looked up at her, worried that Sasha would be mad at him and then tell his dad about his behaviour, knowing he would be grounded. He didn't want to disappoint him, or Sasha, because he wanted to be a good son, and a model for his sibling to arrive soon. He wrapped his arms around Sasha as much as he could, needing some comfort, unable to speak.

"Mrs Chandler ?" a voice called.

Sasha stood up, ruffling Sam's hair and looking at the woman, shaking her hand. "I'm Sasha Cooper, Sam's…." and suddenly she stopped, she never thought of how she could introduce herself now. She was Tom's girlfriend, but she wasn't the kid's mom. Maybe she was their step-mom….she had no ideas and absolutely didn't want to rush or make them feel weird. The least she wanted was to impose her too much.

"She's my mama." Sam said, looking at his teacher, cutting her in her thoughts. Those three words left Sasha shocked, and she struggled to hold back her tears, she couldn't think of something cuter. He had the same golden heart as his dad's.

« Well, nice to meet you. Sam can you stay here for few more minutes please, I need to talk to your mom about what happened. » the teacher said, looking both the boy and the woman.

He nodded and sat back, while Sasha gave him a kind smile before following the teacher inside the classroom.

« So, what happened ? Sam is usually a very calm and kind boy, he isn't the one starting the troubles. » Sasha said, not really comfortable about all of this. It was the first time for her to be called in the principal office, in other words the first time for her to be the parent, and not the naughty kid - and it felt completely different.

"Usually i would agree with you, Sam isn't a trouble kid. But recently he had been more aggressive, and anything can annoy him. Everything started from a chat, during lunch time, and the second later Sam and Jake were fighting." she paused, glancing a look at Sasha. "Any ideas of what could be bothering Sam ? I know his dad is military, heard a lot about, but never saw him, could he be the reason of Sam's behaviour ?"

Sasha only blinked when she finished her sentence, wondering herself why Sam would act this way. From what she saw at home, and what Tom had told her, Sam was more like the chill kid, friend with everyone, and not the one starting a fight with another one. And apparently, Tom and her were at the same level for being called at the principal office, they had no ideas how to deal with it.

"It's difficult for Sam and his sister to be separated from their dad all the time, i know it's not an excuse, and i'll talk to him. To make sure he has no troubles with anyone, and tomorrow Sam will present his excuses to Jake, you have my word."

"Thank you then, and please let me know if there is something, i need to know if there is a internal problem in my class, to solve it so everyone can be in peace. Kids don't need to handle more pain, they're too young." she bitterly said, talking of course about the pandemic, still and very much alive in everyone's memories.

Sasha nodded, she couldn't agree more on it. Thanking the teacher and greeting her back, she then exited to get back Sam and drive him home. The boy was anxious and the minute he saw her, he stood up with guiltiness on his face. "Sasha i'm sorry, please don't tell dad."

She saw he was trying hard to hold back tears. It was killing her because she didn't want to disappoint the boy by not keeping his little secrets, but also didn't want to hide important stuff to Tom. They were his kids, not hers. She felt like it wasn't her place to say anything but she also knew it would be better for him to know what was happening in his kid's lives, good or bad. Putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, Sasha looked at him and bent down on one knee - which caused her lot of efforts - to be at the his level, face to face.

"Hey Sam, i'm not angry with you ok ? come on, let's go home, and you can if you want explain me what happened, i want your version." she softly said.

The first minutes of the drive were silent, no one was talking, Sasha didn't want to push too hard on him. "Jake said i was adopted." he finally said, collecting a confused glance from the naval officer. "Because he can run faster than me and have better grades in maths. And because i'm not as handsome…" he whispered, didn't want to finish. Sasha parked the car in the alley, turning so Sam could see he was having her full attention. She encouraged him to continue, having a little idea of the real problem, knowing at some point it would happens.

"As dad. Sometimes it's really hard to be his son you know…" he whispered. "People expect the best from you all the time, and if you fail they think you're unworthy. I…. Sometimes i wish i could change my last name, so I could make more friends and don't be bullied. I don't want dad to be disappointed, i try to be like him, but it's like I will always be his shadow. And in this new class, when i make friends, they're more interested in my dad, than me." he said sadly.

It was the first time he would say it out loud, to a grown up knew about it and tried her best to protect him when she was still in the same school. But they never told Tom about it, scared about his reaction. Their mom would've known how to deal with it, so Sasha was their best option.

"Sam," Sasha's heart broke when she heard him. She knew it would be a pressure to be Tom Chandler's kid, but she didn't expect it to be that bad. "Listen to me. You don't have to be like your dad, he's unique and so are you. Build your life on what you want to be, and not on what people expect you to do, your dad will never be angry because of your choices. Did he tell you why he'd choose the Navy while both of your grandpa and uncle were serving in the army ?"

"No, why ?"

"Because he wanted to be on his own, knowing in the army he would be in your grandpa's shadow. But in the navy, he was just a random guy and had every possibilities to build his own career. And also because he wanted to piss off your grandpa. I guess we can both agree that he succeeded. You're not alone, and we will always be here to help you if you need it. Okay?" she said, smiling.

The boy felt like the anvil on his heart had just been lifted by Sasha's words. So his dad was like him and felt the same, with his own dad. He never knew it and was glad Sasha told him this little story, it made more sense to his ears. They both got out the car, and before getting inside the house, he hugged her tight. "Thank you Sasha. And i promise i will say sorry to Jake tomorrow." he looked up, with this sweet smile on his lips.

"Anytime Sam, anytime…" hugging him back.

After a nice dinner with the kids, light homework, some nice talk around bowls of ice cream, they all headed to the bedrooms. The kids went to bed and Sasha decided to work for one or two hours more. Folder were displayed all over her, laptop on her knees when she felt a terrible pain in her lower abdomen. Decided to ignore the first one, she continued, until the second wave of pain hit her hard, causing her to moan, suddenly not feeling well at all. The pain was increasing in her body, spaced by few minutes and then she realised it was commonly called contractions. But it was a bit too soon, and what she feared the most was happening.

"No please little one, it's not the right t…." she groaned, laying down on a side, stifling the loud and strangle cry in the pillow next to her, unable to keep it in.

She wanted to keep as quiet as possible, not wanting the kids to see her that weak, they didn't need to see this side of her. But she knew she would have to come up with something if she was really going to give birth in the few hours. Sasha thought about Tom, she needed him so bad, she was scared as hell and everything got worse the second she felt liquid running down and between her tights…

"Damn it!"