Chap 5

A/N: Just a quick time-skip to start this chapter off. Enjoy!

Four days later, Meredith sat at the kitchen table, staring at the divorce papers without really seeing them. She'd read and re-read them over and over, her pen clutched numbly in her hand. It was simple, to the point, exactly what she wanted. And yet, she was stuck in her memories, both the good and the bad, but the more she thought about it, the more the bad ones kept popping up.

"I love you, Meredith Grey, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"You can't trust anybody! No matter what I do, you're always looking for reasons not to trust me. I can't do it anymore."

"You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning, and you saved me."

"I love you and I want you, but I don't know what to do...You didn't swim. You didn't swim, and you know how to."

"My trial is about to disappear. You really wanna act like I'm the bad guy here?"

"I don't know how to raise a child with someone who doesn't understand that there's a right and wrong in the world."

They were doomed from the start; she knew it now. They'd been falling apart long before the clinical trial, she just refused to let what they had die. Refused it with every fiber of her being. And then the clinical trial had happened and Adele...

"Ma, Ma, Ma," She looked up as Zola came waddling slowly into the room, her hands wrapped tightly around Lexie's fingers as her aunt helped her walk.

"She was missing you," Lexie explained with a soft smile, directing the little girl to her.

She picked her up and held her close, sighing softly as Lexie took the seat beside her. Lexie had been staying with her for the last few days while Addison was down in L.A. collecting her things and wrapping up some cases she couldn't hand off. That had made Alex happy, at least, as she'd given him the temporary Head of Peds position until she came back. Which was supposed to be later today.

And then tomorrow, Derek would be back from suspension, if he was even coming back. She looked down at the papers again, sighing softly.

"You can do this," Lexie said gently, placing a hand on her arm, "It's for the best."

She knew it was, but it still hurt. As she fiddled with the pen, she thought back to the last few days. Addison's flight had left early Tuesday morning, and she vaguely remembered the softness of her lips as she woke her up to kiss her good-bye. Her PTSD had reared its ugly head when Addison talked about flying down. She would rather that Addison had taken the rental car down, but the redhead had reassured her that she would be completely safe.

Addison had explained that she wanted to leave the rental car here, so she had a ride to and from work. And despite her protesting that she could ride in with Lexie, Addison didn't budge. She'd texted when she'd gotten to the airport, when she'd taken off, when she'd landed. She hated how needy she was becoming lately, hated how she needed the constant reassurance. Hated it because her mother would've hated her showing any weakness. But she was glad that Addison gave her the reassurance without question because she wasn't sure how she was supposed to survive without it. They called every night before falling asleep, and she'd send texts before her surgeries when she could.

When she'd told Amelia that she was leaving Derek for Addison, she hadn't fully come to terms with the true depth of her feelings. It was more than just a few shared kisses in the stairwell, more than longing looks and off-hand comments; she'd fallen head over heels for the redhead, and she wasn't sure exactly when it had happened, only that it had. The moment she'd laid eyes on her in the hospital that first night all those years ago, her subconscious knew there was something there; even if Addison was the cheating wife that showed up to take Derek back to New York; even if she had wanted her to disappear because she was finally happy; even if there was only an inkling of feelings, it was there, buried underneath all that blind love to Derek. It was there, damn it. She could never explain the way her heart pounded when Addison looked at her, and she thought about the night in the bar, how Addison had pushed her to get back with Derek, when she was so sure she was going to suggest something else. She thought of Addison hugging her for the first time, her quip about stealing her husband and how she'd grown. The words had felt so forced, but she felt the genuine compassion when the taller woman had hugged her. She loved Derek, she loved him, but he would never put her first, not over surgery, not over his career, not over his ambitions.

It was the first surgery we ever scrubbed in together on. Our first save.

Derek found beauty in surgery, in saving lives, and he loved her because she was a gifted surgeon, because she could help him to further his career.
"Karev is taking the little boy into surgery."
"Not you?" She questioned, perplexed.

Addison smiled, "I had a better time watching your first surgery since coming back."

Addison, too, found beauty in surgery, in saving lives, but she saw her as more than a gifted surgeon; she saw her as a person. She'd thought Derek did too.

The memory filters in slowly.

Sometime, after she'd come back from being not-dead, after her mother had died and Derek had left her to sleep, the door to the hospital room had creaked open. She was awake instantly, her back to the door, as the tell-tale sound of heels could be heard. She heard Addison take a low breath as she sat beside her, and she nearly held her breath before remembering she was supposed to be asleep. Addison's hand stroked along her back gently, and she forced herself not to flinch at the sudden touch.

"Thank you for not dying." Addison's voice washed over her still form. She didn't cry like Cristina had earlier when she said the words. She sounded relieved. She muttered the next words, almost to herself, "God, Meredith."

She wasn't sure how long Addison sat there rubbing her back before she finally fell asleep, but when she'd woke in the morning, the redhead was gone.

After the shooting and the trial and the plane crash, after everything, she could finally follow where her heart was leading her. She looked down at the divorce papers, and with a soft sigh, signed her name. She placed the papers in a manila folder, looking up at Lexie with a smile.

"Why don't you take Zola to daycare and I'll go drop these off. I don't start until after noon today, so I'll meet you and Mark for lunch, okay?"

"Yeah, and if the weather looks good, Callie and Arizona are going to meet us for lunch outside. Is that okay?"

"That sounds perfect. Arizona and Mark need some fresh air." For a moment, she was in the darkness, staring up at the trees, wolves growling around them. And then she took a breath, willing the images away, "And I've got my meeting with Dr. Wyatt at 2. And Addison is scheduled to be back around 5 tonight, so..."

Lexie laughed, "I got it. Big day."

"For you too," She kept Zola in her arms as she stood, grabbing their coats, "You and Amelia have that aneurysm to clip."

"I still don't think she likes me."

"Well Owen made you and Amelia both Interim Co-Department Heads, so you'll have to learn to like each other."

That had been surprising. She hadn't even realized Amelia knew about the offer, much less had taken the time to meet with Owen about it. And then when the decision came between Lexie and Amelia, Grey vs Shepherd, Owen had made them Co-Department Heads to keep the peace. And even though it was only supposed to be until Derek came back, there was talk that the Grey-Shepherd Interim heads would stay in charge for a while longer.

Lexie smiled, taking Zola from her, "I'll see you at the hospital."

She hugged them both gently, pressing a kiss to Zola's head, "Be good for Aunt Lexie. I'll see you later, Zo Zo. Mommy loves you."

As she watched her sister drive towards the hospital, she headed the opposite direction: to Derek's dream house. And whether he was there or not, it didn't matter. She just had to drop off the divorce papers and she was practically free.

Derek had spent most of the morning back cleaning up the mess he'd made. He'd been gone for five days; after getting suspended, he'd gotten drunk at Joe's, complaining to Karev, of all people, how Meredith had cheated on him with Addison, how they'd probably been having an affair for months. In his drunken state, he could rationalize that every time Addison came back to Seattle, her ulterior motive was to have sex with Meredith. It made sense. She came back to visit and screwed Meredith when she found out they weren't together. She came back for Archer and there was Meredith, eager to keep her mind off her brother's surgery. She came back for Callie and her growing family, and might as well throw in congratulatory sex with Meredith after the save. Hell, she probably had come back when she heard about the plane crash because fucking Meredith's worries away had become her favorite pastime; he and Meredith had been distant for months already, the Alzheimer's trial throwing a wrench in their marriage, so it made sense his ex-wife would find a way to make the rift bigger.

After he'd gotten home that night, a feat he wasn't sure how he'd accomplished, he'd drunkenly called Amelia, crying. He hadn't been proud of that, the gossip, or the crying to his baby sister. And despite his attempts to sleep, he found himself pissed. Pissed at Meredith for wanting to leave him; pissed at Addison for stealing Meredith from him right under his nose; pissed at Owen for suspending him; pissed at the world because he may never be able to hold a scalpel again. And that rage sent him on a destructive path. The house was a reminder that he was alone again. And he hated it, hated it with every fiber of his being. He just saw red. By the time he'd come back to himself, he was left with a destroyed house, furniture ruined, dishes broken, wood laying in pieces on the floor.

He'd slept off his drunken stupor, grabbed his clothes, wrote a note to Meredith, and left to visit his family; and yes, he hadn't needed all his clothes, but he wanted Meredith to wonder if she was coming back, if she'd ignore his request in the note and call him anyway. It had pissed him off that she'd listened to it.

Those five days were what he needed to clear his head, especially after talking with his mom. When he got back early yesterday morning, he found that she'd been here; her clothes and Zola's clothes and toys were gone. He'd spent most of the morning going over the mess he'd made, feeling extremely guilty. He knew he wouldn't be able to show Meredith that he could be better if she'd walked into such a mess to their home. It would probably take a few days to repair the cupboards and shelves, but it wouldn't be a hard job.

He stared out the window, watching as a black car made its way up the driveway. He didn't recognize it, but as it pulled up beside his car, he had a suspicion he knew exactly who it was. And as Meredith stepped out of the car, the anger and resentment he'd been able to push down in this past week came springing back up; he'd thought he'd moved past it, thought that everything would be fine. She'd made a mistake, but they could fix it together. But, obviously, he'd been wrong.

She walked onto the porch and to the door. She knocked a couple times, and he hated that sound. How had they come this far, to her knocking on the door to her home? And then he debated if he even wanted to open the door. And really, that was stupid. They were still married, after all. They could still fix this.

He heard Meredith knock again, and he pushed down his anger; he went to the door, opening it quickly. She had already turned away from the door, the manila folder clutched tightly against the hoodie she wore, but as the door opened, she turned to face him. There was silence. One beat. Two.

"Meredith," he said softly.

She didn't say anything at first, holding out the folder for him to take. He ignored it, staring at her instead; I have a lawyer drawing up papers.

"Take them," she requested.

"No, we can fix this."

"Damn it, Derek, just take them!" She shoved the folder into his chest angrily, "There's nothing left to fix. I can't do this anymore, okay?"

He let it fall to the ground as he reached out for her, grabbing her arms gently as she began to step away, "We can fix this, Meredith, we can."

"Let me go."

"You're the love of my life, Meredith. I can't let you go. I don't want to live without you," He replied sincerely, tightening his grip on her arms.

"Derek, stop it, you're hurting me."

"I know you love me, Meredith. I won't let you pull away again. We can fix this together."

"Let go," She requested again.

"Meredith, I'm not going to lose you. Not to Addison, not to anyone. Just come inside, we can talk about this."

"Derek, let go!" She kneed him hard in the stomach with a strength he didn't realize she had. He let go of her immediately, stumbling back as he drew in air, "There is no us anymore, Derek. There's nothing left to fix. There's nothing left to save. We are over. Our marriage is over. Just sign the papers so we can end this and get on with our lives."

She didn't wait for his reply, walking away from him angrily. He heard the car start, and only when it started down the road did he finally pick up the papers and head inside, his ego bruised and his anger at a boiling point. How dare she just walk away from him, after everything that he was going through!

Meredith wasn't sure how she'd made it to the hospital before she finally broke down. She put the car in park, and left the engine running as everything hit her at once. Deep sobs racked her body, but she made no effort to stop them. It hurt. Everything hurt. It was like Derek didn't see her suffering, didn't see the way she was struggling to stay afloat. He only saw himself and his problems. But it was over. It was over and once he signed the papers, their marriage would be over and she would be free.

The chilly Seattle morning bit into her as she shut off the engine and opened the car door, wiping her face. It was still extremely early, going on nine o'clock, but she couldn't sit at home. She just wanted to be at the hospital. Maybe the maternity ward would let her stare at babies for a few hours. But as she shut the car door and made her way into the hospital, she found herself pulling out her phone to call Addison. She would probably still be driving, 17 and a half hours was a long drive, especially with a cat. But maybe she'd stopped at a rest stop? She hoped she had because she really needed to hear her voice.

The phone rang and rang and then went to voicemail. You've reached Doctor Addison Forbes Montgomery. Sorry I missed your call. Leave a message with your name and number, and I'll get back to you.

The tone sounded so she could leave a message. What the hell was she supposed to say?

"It's me, Addie. I signed the papers. I can't wait to see you." No, too emotional.

"Our ex-husband is an ass." No, she already knew that.

"It's Meredith. I gave him the papers." Ugh, no.

"Addison," and she hated that her voice cracked, hated that she'd started crying again, "Derek didn't take it well. He..."

Beep.

She sighed softly as the robotic voice explained to call again to leave another voicemail. She didn't have time for that, damn it.

She made her way to the bathroom to wash her face and reapply what little makeup she wore. Maybe Dr. Wyatt could squeeze her in early.

When did that start sounding like a good thing?

Addison hummed along to the radio as she drove. The sun was shining, the weather was in the upper 70s, and she had managed to get out of L.A. earlier than she'd planned. Instead of getting back around 5, she was scheduled to be back around noon, when Meredith was starting her shift. It wasn't much of a difference, but to her, those 5 hours meant more time with Meredith. And that was what mattered.

She pulled into a rest stop a little after 9 to stretch her legs, pulling out her phone to check Seattle's weather. Rainy and cold, go figure. She adjusted the top on her convertible, much to Milo's disappointment. He was enjoying the sun coming into his carrier. As she went to put her phone back in her purse, she saw the indicator for a missed call and voicemail. She couldn't help but smile seeing Meredith's name on the display. These past few days had been so hard on them both, and she was looking forward to seeing the blonde again. Right now, she'd have to settle for hearing her voice.

Instead of a warm or somewhat sleepy voice of the new Attending, there was silence for a solid fifteen seconds. Thinking her phone was messing up, she looked at it quizzically, putting it on speaker. When Meredith's voice finally came through the speaker, her voice was cracking and she was crying, "Addison, Derek didn't take it well. He -"

The message cut off suddenly, and she wasn't sure which emotion claimed her first: worry over Meredith or red-hot anger at Derek. She'd promised herself that Derek wouldn't be left alone with Meredith, and now he'd somehow hurt her. The rational part of her brain spoke up, and she dialed Meredith quickly. Surely there was a misunderstanding. Derek would never hit a woman, especially not one he claimed he loved.

Except Meredith's phone was going to voicemail and that wasn't like her, not at all. She didn't leave a voicemail, not trusting herself to speak. With an apologetic glance at Milo, she threw the car into gear.

"We have to go get our girl, Milo." She said to the cat as he hissed at the sudden movement.

Get our girl and not beat Derek Shepherd to death.

Meredith came out of her session with Dr. Wyatt feeling about 95 percent better than when she'd gone in. Which was weird, because she'd never spent an hour and a half in a psychiatrist's office.

"Our hour is up," She'd stopped mid-sentence as she looked at the clock.

Dr. Wyatt waved her off, "It's fine, Meredith. I don't have another appointment for a few hours. Keep going."

And so, she'd kept going, talking about how worried she was that Addison hadn't answered her phone; how angry she was at Derek for continuing to try and win her back. How she was glad that Mark and Arizona were going to be able to go home soon. How the nightmares about Lexie had stopped. It really was cathartic just to have someone listen. And, yes, Addison did that, but Addison wouldn't be home until later tonight, and she'd needed someone now.

She found Cristina and Alex outside Dr. Wyatt's office waiting for her.

"How'd the talk with the shrink go?" Alex asked.

She rolled her eyes, "Good. You should try it. She'll have to listen to your sob stories."

"Very funny, Medusa," he snarked back.

"Big words there, Evil Spawn," Cristina replied, "We know you're just jealous that we have hot women to go home to at night."

"Screw you," he answered, but there was no bit to his words.

She smiled, listening to her friends talk. She still had about an hour and a half to go before she started her shift, and she was considering just napping in an on-call room. But then she figured she would visit Zola. Or maybe she could visit Zola and get a quick power nap in after.

As her friends branched off, Alex to surgery and Cristina to watch one of Teddy's, she headed to the board. Maybe she could sweet-talk Bailey into letting her scrub in on something later before she went down to see Zola.

As she made her way to the board and saw Bailey, she heard someone calling her name.

Addison didn't want to think about all the different traffic violations she'd done as she made a three-hour trip in just under two hours. She dropped her clothes and Milo off at the house, and set him up with his food and water and litter box.

"Stay off the counters," She warned him, before she was rushing out of the house again, making sure to lock it up tight.

She needed to find Meredith, to make sure she was really okay. She'd tried her phone a few other times but again, her calls went straight to voicemail.

She made it to the hospital in record time. She parked quickly, going through everything on autopilot as she made her way into the hospital. If anyone tried to talk to her, she was deaf to them; she didn't see anyone, moving on instinct around people. She flew up the stairs to the surgical floor, Meredith's words floating through her head.

Derek didn't take it well. He -

Every image her mind conjured up, she rejected. Derek wouldn't hurt a woman. He wouldn't. And yet, she thought of the last week and a half, how Meredith would flinch when he got too loud, how she flinched when he reached out to touch her. Meredith was a small woman. Strong, yes. Capable, yes. But she was small, and even if Derek hadn't used a lot of force, he could've easily hurt her. If Meredith was hurt, she would never forgive herself.

She caught sight of Meredith making her way to where Bailey stood in front of the surgical board and called out to her, "Meredith!"

Miranda Bailey had seen a lot in her years as a surgeon. She'd gone from a shy, quiet intern to a loud, sometimes brazen General Attending. She'd seen people come and go, held the hands of patients as they passed, lost and saved many patients on the OR floor. There wasn't much that could surprise the woman people referred to as "the Nazi."

But seeing one of the most well-respected neonatal surgeons in the world - the world - running across the surgical floor shouting Meredith Grey's name had her completely surprised. Addison Montgomery was nothing if not calm and poised. And to see her as anything other than that was surprising. She took one look at the woman and took a few steps back, watching the inevitable collision.

"Addison?" Meredith's voice held nothing but confusion, but that was all she could say before the woman in question crashed into her, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug.

"You don't answer your phone, and I've been calling you for over two hours," Addison was rambling as she held the blonde at arm's length, looking her over, and she'd never known the woman to even stutter, "When I get my hands on that bastard I'm going to…"

She's been Meredith Grey's resident since her first day. Meredith had done a lot of stupid things in her career. She'd also done a lot of brave things as well. And as she watched Meredith stop Addison's rambling with a rather passionate kiss, she couldn't decide if she was more brave or more stupid.

Addison melted into the kiss, and Meredith took that as a good sign. She broke away slowly, looking at Addison with a gentle smile.

"You're home."

"I'm home." Addison repeated.

And for a moment, she was captivated. Addison was here, she was home. She was...

"You two are blocking traffic," Bailey's voice was loud, breaking her from her thoughts, "On-call rooms are down the hall if you want to continue your conversation there." As she smiled sheepishly at Bailey and pulled Addison with her to an empty on-call room, she heard the woman say, "Show's over! You're doctors, people, go do your jobs!" And she wasn't sure how many people just saw her kiss Addison in the middle of the packed surgical floor, but she knew by the end of the night, they were going to be at the center of the rumor mill.

Addison sat on the lower bunk as Meredith locked the door so they wouldn't be disturbed. As she made her way over, she pulled the blonde onto her lap, which Meredith didn't object to, moving to kiss her again.

She was wearing her Yale hoodie, and the smell of her lavender shampoo wafting over her. Three days was far too long without Meredith in her arms. And as much as she wanted to keep kissing her, she still had to get an answer.

"You said he did something," she said as they broke apart for air, "In your voicemail, you said he did something."

"He got angry," Meredith replied, and the mood was stalled as she continued to talk, "He grabbed me, wanted to talk about it inside, wanted to fix it. I told him there was nothing left to fix. Made him let go of me."

"Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine, Addie."

She gently cradled Meredith's face in her hands, "Did he hurt you, Mere?"

"Just a little, when he grabbed me," She let out a soft laugh, one Addison didn't return, "No bruises though. I checked."

"Never again," Addison's voice was firm.

"Never again," She echoed, "I signed the papers, Addison."

She kissed her softly, delighting in the sigh against her mouth as she was kissed back, "You signed the papers."

Meredith smiled softly, "We're free."

She deepened the kiss. They were free.

A/N: I'm thinking I'm going to finish this story in the next chapter. We shall see. Who knows what my muse is going to dream up next! Please review!