I seem to have issues with not meaning to be making a series, then making a series because I have no self-control. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ This isn't really gossip, but I thought it kind of fit. *Will contain some sexual innuendo/jokes and complete randomness. ¿Implied Rexsoka?*
Rex and Cody were walking side by side down the halls of the Negotiator, wearing matching exasperated looks. They were on a mission with the 41st and the 327th, not one of the Jedi Generals or Commanders could be found. They'd all moved into a conference room to prepare for the battle, then disappeared. Rex was ninety percent sure that Jedi couldn't just vanish in a puff of smoke, but that's what seemed to have happened.
"Seriously, how do we lose six Jedi in less than sixty minutes?" Cody asked, as exited yet another empty room.
"Five," Rex corrected, "we found Commander Offee in her room. I swear, if she wasn't a Jedi she'd be a botanist the way she studies plants."
"Better than what General Skywalker and Commander Tano would do, they'd probably commit arson." Cody shot back, a smile playing on his face. Rex shuddered at the thought, those two would commit all kinds of illegal acts if he wasn't there to keep them in check. "Where haven't we checked?" Cody felt as though he was babysitting younglings rather than talking about his Jedi superiors.
"The training room, they might have gone there to spar." Rex suggested and Cody nodded, they turned in sync and continued down another hallway. When they reached the training room, Cody clicked the button to open the doors. Rex gave an involuntary squeak and Cody's jaw plunged, practically hitting the floor. The Jedi were training all right, but not in the way Rex had imagined. Obi-Wan and Anakin were sparring with training staffs shirtless while Ahsoka had switched her short, backless dress for her old bandeau top.
They were ripped, and he meant ripped. Anakin's arms were extremely muscular and his toned body revealed a six pack that rippled with each strike of the staffs. Ahsoka had the beginnings of a six pack and her lean frame effortlessly scaled the twin ropes chained to the ceiling. But Obi-Wan….Obi-Wan was completely shredded. That man had an eight pack; the fluffy General himself had an eight pack. His body could have been chiseled from marble, those muscles were so defined. It gave Rex anxiety, and Cody appeared to be comatose.
Ahsoka turned around at Rex's squeak and grinned widely. "Hi boys!" She waved as she dropped down from the ropes, landing in a perfect crouch. Rex flushed bright red and suddenly found the floor extremely interesting. Cody hadn't moved from his initial position, he looked like he'd been stuck in carbonite. "Uh, is there a problem?" Ahsoka asked, flouncing past her Master and Obi-Wan on her way towards the clones. The Jedi Masters stopped sparring to stare at the spectacle that was their Captain and Commander.
"S-sir!" Rex stuttered as Ahsoka came closer, still staring intently at the floor. "Is there a way you could, ahem, cover yourself?" Ahsoka paused, looked down at her clothing, looked back up at Rex, and promptly burst into laughter.
"Rexter!" She snickered once she'd managed to control herself. "You realize I wore pretty much this exact same outfit a few years ago."
"Don't be so squeamish Captain!" Anakin crowed, folding his arms across his toned chest. Rex looked up, which was a mistake because all three Jedi were staring at him and he turned an even deeper shade of red.
"Sir," Rex's voice cracked, "I don't know if you realize this but I'm really only ten years old. I'm practically a virgin!" His voice cracked again and all of the Jedi began to roar with laughter, even Obi-Wan was laughing his head off.
"Th-that's the best thing I've ever heard!" Ahsoka wheezed, clutching her gut as Anakin tried and failed to stop laughing.
"'Practically' a virgin, huh Rex?" Anakin giggled, waggling his eyebrows. "Is there something you're not telling us?"
"Sir!" Rex squawked, absolutely mortified.
"Kidding!" Anakin smiled, crossing over to put a hand on the abashed Captain's shoulder.
"You better be," Obi-Wan quipped, raising a brow as he turned to grab some water. He paused, seeing Cody hadn't even blinked since he entered the room. "Uh, is he okay?" He walked over and waved a hand in Cody's face, the clone didn't even react.
" has stopped responding." Anakin laughed, looping his arm around an increasingly more uncomfortable Rex. Obi-Wan started poking Cody, raising his eyebrows.
"What caused this?"
"Probably you Master." Anakin said, turning his gaze to Obi-Wan. When the older man shot him a look Anakin raised his hand in mock surrender. "I'm just saying it's weird to see you without, like, fifty layers of robes."
"You're the fluffy General." The words flew out of Rex's mouth before he could stop them and clamped a hand over lips, horror in his eyes.
"I'm the what?" Obi-Wan asked, looking genuinely confused.
"The fluffy General," Rex's voice was muffled by his hand and his eyes were squinched up as though he were in physical pain. "You're always wearing a lot of robes, so the boys call you the fluffy General. But uhhh...obviously," he gestured haphazardly to Obi-Wan's muscles before quickly looking away again, "not fluffy. Not fluffy at all."
"That's almost as interesting as Obi-Wan 'I'm fine' Kenobi. I need to learn where these names come from." Obi-Wan pondered, finally getting to drink his water.
"Hey," A voice sounded behind Rex and the Captain turned around, grateful for the distraction. Cody still didn't move. It was Bly and Orion, both looking really confused. "Did you find the...the uh…" Bly's voice trailed off and his mouth fell open.
Orion just looked at his brothers in utter bewilderment before turning his attention to the Jedi and making mental notes: They all looked in peak physical condition, their cheeks were flushed the right amount for that kind of physical exertion. Not one of them was sick or had any pre-existing injuries causing strain. What was so interesting? He turned his gaze to Rex, sizing up the 501st Captain. Possibly in shock, still trying to process everything. Cody on the other hand was definitely in shock. No, no not shock. Denial, Cody was in deep denial of everything that was happening right before his eyes.
"Hello sirs," Orion said calmly after finishing his mental evaluations. "Are Generals Unduli and Secura around? We haven't been able to find them."
"They went to grab some more training staffs," Ahsoka said, gesturing to a pile of broken wood. "Apparently we all forget that sticks aren't as indestructible as lightsabers." Her words garnered a reaction only from Orion and Bly. The medic simply nodded his head and walked away while trying to hide his laughter. Bly's cheeks turned a slightly darker pink and he looked down.
Anakin Ahsoka and Obi-Wan all shared an amused and slightly worried glance. "This is just when Ahsoka's in a tube top and you and I are shirtless." Anakin said, motioning to himself and Obi-Wan. The older Jedi nodded sagely, placing on hand over his beard in his signature thinking gesture. Anakin's grin turned devilish as he spun to face the clone officers with his fingers interlocked like a plotting madman. "What would happen if I started training in just my briefs?"
"Oh, Nine Corellian Hells no!" Rex yelped, snapping a horrified Cody out of his trance as they both bolted from the training room. Bly just watched them leave, apparently too terrified to move. Ahsoka howled with laughter and fell to the ground in a giggling heap.
"Evidently all of the clones in this star system and the next would suffer from permanent retinal damage as well as psychological trauma." Obi-Wan mused, staring at the empty space where Rex and Cody had stood only second before. Anakin just chuckled, rolling his eyes. It was fun to mess with the men every once and awhile. Luminara and Aayla chose that time to return, each with a new bundle of staffs.
"We got some more," Aayla announced as she dropped hers into a pile before noticing Bly in the doorway. "Can I...help you Commander?" Aayla asked, crossing her arms. She and Luminara were also in exercising clothes, both dressed in tight fitting leggings and sports bras. Bly opened his mouth to respond, made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a mouse, then darted in the direction Cody and Rex had run to. After Bly ran away, a very conspicuous looking Gree was revealed half-crouching behind a crate with a holo-recorder in his hand. When he realized he'd been seen by all of the Jedi officers, Gree slowly turned off the recorder and ran in the opposite direction of Bly.
Luminara watched him run, then turned to the other Jedi. "He was recording their reactions wasn't he?" Nodding answered her. "Should we stop him and save our Captains and Commanders from potential embarrassment?" A collective shaking of heads was their response. "I thought not, shall we continue?" More nodding, and everyone moved to grab a staff.
Cody and Rex were hiding in an empty room, both of them panting and simultaneously trying to scrub at their eyes. Rex knew he would not be able to unsee that, no matter how hard he tried he would never unsee it. Cody looked equally if not more mortified than Rex. He kept holding his hands in front of him and moving them around as though trying to do some bizarre dance move. Why had they seen that? Why oh why had they seen that?
"Why are you two acting weird?" The calm voice of Orion sent both of them rocketing up to the ceiling and Cody landed in a semi-thought-out martial arts pose before toppling over. Rex managed to land with a little more dignity, but looked pale as death. "Seriously," Orion's gaze flicked between Cody—who was getting up from the floor—to Rex—still looking like he'd seen a ghost—and raising an eyebrow. "Do I need to get you two into a psych ward?"
"Please," Cody begged, dropping to his knees. "Tell me you have some sort of mind-wiping drug. Or powerful sedative that will knock me out for the remainder of the war."
"You just saw the Generals shirtless and the Commander in a tube top." Orion spoke slowly, as though explaining something to a youngling. "Why is that so terrible?"
"I wasn't engineered for that!" Rex shrieked, his voice an octave higher than usual. "They are ripped! They have muscles!"
"You expected them to be made of rubber?" Orion asked dryly, stepping past Cody to look at Rex. "You know General Skywalker works out like it's his religion and passed that habit on to Commander Tano. Why is it so surprising to see them actually showing off their physique?"
"It's one thing to know it and another to see it with your own eyes." Rex squawked, grabbing Orion by his shoulders. "I am forever scarred; I will never look at them the same again!"
"General Kenobi has an eight pack." They both turned their heads to find Cody rocking himself back and forth and whispering quietly. "General Kenobi has an eight pack, General Kenobi has an eight pack, General Kenobi has an eight pack…" Orion sighed and shook his head, grumbling under his breath.
"If you two promise to stop acting like a mine blew up in your face, I'll warn you if I see any shirtless Jedi prancing the halls for the remainder of the mission. Deal?" Two soft 'yes's followed his remark and he turned around only to crash into a very flustered clone. "Bly? For kriff's sake, you too?!" Orion was starting to feel more like a therapist than a medic as he ushered the petrified clone into their hidey-hole. But he took one look at Bly's face, and had to try extremely hard not to laugh. "Bly," his voice trembled with laughter, "is your nose bleeding?"
Bly immediately felt his face, where a dark red streak now adorned the area under his nose. Blushing an even brighter pink than before, Bly began to scrub at his face. "Shut up," he mumbled, "it's just the dry air."
"Uh huh, sure. Dry air in the vacuum of space." Orion grinned before turning serious again. "Look, all three of you are going to leave this room. You're going to act like nothing is going on. You are going to go about your duties, and not act at all like the flustered chickens you are right now." Cody gave an indignant squawk from his position on the floor which only solidified Orion's argument.
After much coaxing and light threats, Rex Bly and Cody managed to leave the room. Of course, they all failed spectacularly at acting normal. Rex yelped when he saw Ahsoka dressed in her normal attire and fled down an opposite hallway. Bly tried to hide behind a pile of boxes when a group of shinies walked by and commented loudly how wonderfully everything was going. Cody had to walk by the training room to get to his quarters, so he automatically looked into the room and kept looking until he ran smack into the doorframe. Orion chuckled and folded his arms; boy would they have a story to tell at their next gossip meeting.
If you don't understand the whole nosebleed thing, look up 'anime nosebleed meaning' and enjoy the results. :D But yeah, this is what happens when I stay up until nearly midnight talking about Clone Wars with my equally obsessed sister. Feel free to drop a review, fav, or follow if you enjoyed and want to see more!