It starts in darkness.
Wasn't he in light- before?
There was someone.
He was with someone- so light, so free- and then-
Something grabbed him?
Everything around him comes into focus- dark fading. He's sitting on a bench- his internal monologue echoes in his mind- he lied to Dean? Why would he lie to Dean?
He's asking god if he's doing the right thing on this bench, shouldn't he be asking Dean? All god does is give you a length of rope to hang yourself with.
"I'm superman," he said.
Dean's face when he said that- his people's skills are rusty… but that look. It should have told him something. Dean had known.
It's so dark.
He's alone.
Why is he remembering this- it was years ago. Dean forgave him. They were- Dean said brothers, but- that never felt right to Cas. Brothers feels... different. The other angels were his brothers in arms- he never went to get them pie.
There hadn't been pie- he had tried to get Dean pie and it was gone. All of the pie was gone.
He had tried to be a human- alone, without Dean and Dean had showed up- there in front of him, asking about him.
It's so dark and cold here.
Everything is pushing at him, prodding, pulling- pinching- picking- pain- so much- so much pain. He thought the empty would feel more- empty.
There was something beautiful and light- he remembers, near the end. He had- he had said something. Then the darkness, pulling him in and dragging him down.
Wouldn't he hear Dean if Dean needed him?
He remembers now, he said- "I love you-" the empty came and grabbed him- carrassed him- pulled him away. And Dean's eyes- tears.
He saved him.
That's the light.
He saved him- and now Dean will live on, a family- a dog, happily ever after.
If that is what Dean gets- then it will be enough.
It will be worth it.