Chapter 1
It was not enough.
The longer he is here- the clearer everything gets. Years of popping in- out- "Hello Dean," sometimes a nod to Sam. A furrowed brow, concern, rising tension- eye contact. A brush of an arm. A lingering look- a thousand moments where he could have said it.
But- his people skills were rusty.
But- a family- a dog, happily ever after. If Dean gets that- it will be enough.
The empty is less dark now- Cas has found a way to look down.
Below his feet he sees Sam- a dog-
Just Sam and a dog?
Sometimes they hunt apart. He knows this- he's seen this. They get in a fight about something, someone's feelings get hurt. They split up.
Dean in the '67 Chevy Impala.
Sam in a beater.
But this time-
Sam is in the '67 Chevy Impala- with the dog?
But why? Sam always messes it up- he adds things- the music player, extra things in the trunk- he doesn't know how to keep it clean. No matter how many hunts he goes on- he's always following his big brother.
The big brother who loves greater than anyone else.
His love is light.
Cas's vision fades- he can only keep it up for short periods of time. Seeing down into the below- it's taxing and when he does it, it leaves him weak.
And he fades- time passes, he loses track. Darkness. Empty. Pain. Memory.
The next time he remembers- himself- Dean- the saying of, "I love you," time has passed. It's hard to tell how much- but it's been awhile.
He glances down again- the impala is there- a dog, an old dog. A man- widow's peak- Sam- graying hair- some woman- Cas doesn't know who she is- he knows who everyone they know is.
He should know this woman- this not Eileen- why not Eileen?-
Dogs age fast- he knows that, but it seems too fast. Too gray, too slow, too old.
He's been alive for a millennia- but time has slowed down to the beats of Dean's heart- every moment feeling like a century of his life.
And now- time is speeding up faster and faster and faster- a wheel spinning out of control.
He feels for it- the beat of Dean's heart- it's… punctured.
He said the words- it pulled him into the empty-
He said the words- Dean was supposed to live happily ever after.
That was the deal.