Chapter 6
She takes the call outside- Cas asks her too- he can't, just wait here then, while she talks to him. She comes back- "they're in Ohio- something about mimes, or vampires, or something?"
"Ohio-?"
Anna was in Ohio- and Dean and Anna- and Cas watching- he didn't know what he felt then. It was weird. He felt uncomfortable, intrusive, he didn't know angels could want- whatever this was.
It is weird that he wished himself to be Anna- in so many small tiny moments- he had wished himself into a different body with different parts- so that- so that-
But he doesn't now. Jimmy gave him this body, sacrificed for him, he is this body. He loves Dean in this body.
Becky offers to drive him to Ohio without him asking. He's glad. He doesn't know if he could have asked. It would be a long way to hitchhike.
The car ride is awkward. Becky keeps mentioning calling Dean- telling Dean- Speaking. To. Dean.
He's not ready, he tells her.
She's silent for a half hour, then it repeats. It starts with her opening and closing her mouth, glancing over, glancing back to the road.
She really looks away from the road far too much- he almost tells her that. But then- it would open up more questions.
"What was it like- the empty?" she asks.
He feels relief that she asked about this- and not about- calling, again.
"Empty-" he says.
She snorts, "jeez Cas- I knew that."
"It's hard to describe- I was there- but gone. Everything happened fast. I slept for much of it- it was dark-"
"Did it hurt?"
The silence in the car gets awkward again. She's glancing more now. He opens her book to the beginning and starts to read. He's not sure how this is about him and Sam and Dean. There are two butlers- they show up on the second page. The main character, Samriel, seems to rely on the butlers- alot. There's a spinster neighbor who is very invested in their lives- her name is- Betsy. Cas flips through the pages- trying to find his story-
One butler awkwardly walks out of the room in the middle of conversations- Cas isn't sure why Betsy kept this character in- he doesn't seem to be a good butler.
The stakes are low- Samriel has no one to care about, there's a dog- that seems right. The butlers end up in jail for a crime they didn't commit-
It's honestly hard to follow.
But he still likes the ending.
Becky is looking at him when he closes it.
"I hope you liked your story-"
"My story?" he asks.
"Didn't you- couldn't you see yourself?"
"Myself? No-"
Her face drops, "you didn't- the butlers, you were one of the butlers. Dean was the other one."
"Why did Dean walk out of the room all of the time? It didn't serve a purpose."
The silence is awkward again. He's not sure why, he's never noticed Dean walking away-
"Oh- but you pop out-"
"Oh-" Cas says- right, that would be him, "and the time in jail, where we- you know?"
Her eyes get big and she turns away from the road, "the sex scene- wasn't it so elicit- being in the jail- so… dirty. I wanted it to be epic. And jail- it's like hell, right? So I thought- it would just be like- some… dirty-" she smirks at him, "you know-"
Cas isn't sure he does know- or he gets the mechanics. But he didn't- he couldn't think of himself in that role.
He said I loved you.
He died.
That's what happens-
There isn't a sex scene in a jail after that-
There's just the empty.