Chapter 9
Cas tries to jump- his body doesn't move- he just stays there, then- not- popping out.
He turns- he runs- he's out of shape- he's never run harder- he's panting-
He can hear words- Dean talking to Sam- he's getting closer.
But he's so far.
The heartbeats have centuries between them- but centuries are so short-
Dean is saying, words- telling Sam to live his life, that he loves him- freeing him from obligation- telling him to live-
All the things that Cas wanted for Dean.
He runs harder- he-
Pops out- and in- in front of Sam- shoving him aside. The walls of a barn around him- light exploding out- hand on Dean's left shoulder, pulling him from perdition- this time a crooked cross- fingers to his head- wishing- giving- loving-
Wishing that a good god would save him- length of rope, hang yourself- no- not god, not Chuck, him. He will save Dean- this one last time.
He shoves all of the feelings- the desire for the attic- the jail- the elicit-
For he so loved the world-
But no- he won't rise from the dead- he won't die- Cas will save all of his heartbeats.
"Cas?" Dean asks, "Is it- really you? You- you died, for me-" he coughs up blood, "I didn't want you too-"
"It wasn't your choice Dean."
"I know, I just, I didn't deserve-"
"Be quiet Dean, let me- let me-"
It's going dark- empty- quiet- no pain- what grace has been given to me- let me pass it to him- he says in his head to- to whoever is listening- fate? Gabriel? The empty? Everything and nothing- they must save Dean Winchester. It is Cas's dying wish.
Again.