Chapter 10

It's bright when he wakes. Not dark. There is a lamp next to his head- it is bright.

Is this- new heaven- or maybe- Valhalla? He heard the food was good there-

He thought he would go back to the empty, one more time. He lays under the light and tries to see Dean- but his vision doesn't clear.

He isn't in the empty, but he feels weirdly empty- something, missing.

He's felt this way before- he wore a vest, took care of customers, kept the store clean. It was- productive. He was valued.

He was human.

Is he in human heaven?

There is a voice next to his bed, "I'll have to write a sequel."

Cas looks over, behind the light, Becky is sitting with a computer on her lap.

"Did you die too?"

"No, silly, you didn't- die- you just, you know- almost died. And I guess you kinda died as an angel."

"Died as an angel? This isn't where dead angels go."

"Well- like metaphorically died. It was very romantic- you gave up your grace to save him- it was still very weak, so it wasn't that good at saving him- shouldn't have done the invisibility probably- but the thought that counts, right?"

"Dean?"

"He's- he's in the hospital. You weren't strong enough to heal him- completely- but you- you fixed his heart. They said it if it had gone in an inch more it would have punctured it, and he wouldn't have had a chance. He's in the ICU- unconscious."

"Sam?"

"Sam's with him. When you feel better we can go- they aren't allowing non-family members- but we can just be there."

"Right."

Becky leans forward, "did you- Cas- did you break out of mega hell to save Dean again? Did you know?"

The silence is awkward.

"Maybe it should be a prequel- the story of how the butlers get together. I think my readers would find it- fascinating!"

Cas still doesn't know what to say, although he does want to read the prequel- maybe that's just how it is with Becky- you never know what to say.

"So- what's it like losing your grace, you've done it more than once, right?"

"It's- uncomfortable."

Becky nods, leaning further in, "but horribly romantic- losing your power to save the guy that you love- what a story."

Cas shifts, leaning back into the light so it blocks out Becky's eager eyes and opening and closing mouth. He drifts off again into sleep.

He's tired.

More tired than he's ever been before.

He's-

He's scared.

Cas has to be at the hospital, but being at the hospital, well- then he sees Dean- then they have to talk about after- and the not popping out- the staying right there then.

Cas sleeps- and when he wakes, he's ready. Ready to be at the hospital, whatever comes after- he doesn't think he will ever be ready for that.