(A/N:So, I know I'm already working (and blocked) on a rewrite of my Star Wars fic, I've been watching a shit load of Marvel movies and as per usual am back on my "I don't know who I'm more in love with, Steve or Bucky." Bullshit lolol. As such, I've decided to take another crack at an OC / Bucky fic that has straight up morphed into a slow burn love triangle deal because I love to punish myself and break my own heart by living vicariously through these things in fic form…so the product is what follows and even I don't know how it's going to end yet. It's getting late, I've had a long day and I don't know what else to say so I'll just leave it with, I hope you enjoy … comments, reviews, likes are much appreciated and keep me motivated, so if you like what you see, don't be a stranger.

Also, I seem to need to always add this part when I do flashforwards, this chapter is obviously centered around the events of Endgame…but that's definitely not where we're starting. It's a flash forward, after this we're kicking it AAAAALLLLL the way back to Winter Soldier … so… get ready for it.)

Prologue: Five Years

Five years. That's how long it had been since the world was upended, since life was turned on its head. Five long years since the snap, give or take, and Thanos decimating half the world's population; half of all life on earth, human or otherwise actually … and now, there they were … together, like they hadn't even missed a beat; like no time at all had passed.

They were gathered once again in a war room Lexie had gone out of her way to way to avoid since it had happened. Five long years and now she was sat smack dab in the middle of the war room she had never expected to be called back to with what was left of her closest friends … what was left of any of her friends full stop; save for a few notable exceptions, a few missing faces that she was sure would be making an appearance soon enough. They were gathered there again, Tony, Natasha, Rhodey … and Steve who had just delivered Lexie the news she had so desperately longed to hear all this time; the news she never dreamed would come, not after everything.

They had gathered there to deliver her the news and bring her up to speed and she

couldn't even muster an upward glance at any of them. The only thing she had the mind or the strength to do was stare dead straight into a mug of peppermint tea for fear she wouldn't be able to hold herself together; for fear she would give herself away if she so much took a deep breath … for fear she would unleash the sheer shitstorm brewing in her brain with little to no hope of getting a rein on it if she did. All she could do was stare into her slick black monogramed mug, some stupid small symbol of normalcy, that was so hot it should have been searing clean through her flesh … were she not stuck so absolutely dumb she'd momentarily forgotten what it was to feel.

They had done it. They had found a way to set everything right again.

Five long years later and all of the sudden they had a way to undo what Thanos had wreaked upon them.

Five long years and they had found a way to bring everyone back.

Five long years … and they had found a way to bring him back.

Everything was about to change, and everything was about to go back to normal, whatever that actually was supposed to mean.

Now, after everything, the lives that so many people lost and so many people never even got a chance to experience were about to be returned to them. Now, after five long years of learning to adjust and make the best of things. After five long years of learning to heal and learning to let go. After five long years of settling into a new routine and a new normal and rebuilding life, in all regards, from the ground up.

Now, after everything, and now … just as Lexie was happy. Just as she was secure and comfortable and wasn't spending every waking moment on the verge of some nervous breakdown tearing through every idea and burning out every single avenue that was open or could ever possibly be open to her as she tried to solve the disaster on her own. Now, after the nightmares had finally stopped and every fiber of her being wasn't wholly consumed by what had happened.

Now, after everything, after five long years of recovery … when hearing Bucky's name didn't twist a blade deep in her chest. When the thought of him standing before her and turning to ash, when remembering the sound of his voice or the way he smelled or the way his lips felt against her flesh … when the constant absence of him didn't make her want to shatter into just about a million and one tiny pieces that had no hope of ever being put back together again.

After everything, now was the time when this revelation was to be laid at her feet. Not when she had needed it most, but now, when she was perfectly happy … and now, when she had made a perfect complicated mess out of everything.

Now … when at the end of it all, one way or another, someone was going to get hurt.

… and it was going to break her heart to have to be the cause of it.

"You still with us, Lockhart?" Tony shot Lexie a glance across the table and whistled low in a bid to take hold of her attention. "Any of this blowing up your skirt?"

She didn't so much as blink.

"Hey, Hotshot … c'mon … snap out of it." He snapped his fingers and waved his hand in front of her face. "We've got work to do."

… Nothing.

"Is she okay? She looks like she's about to vomit all over my nice clean floors."

"They're not your floors anymore, Tony." Natasha chided him coolly and shook her head in exasperation at the oh so familiar trademark personality that always chose the worst possible time to rear its annoying head.

"Is that important? I was just asking a question. Can I not ask a question? Now she looks like she's not even breathing. Is she breathing? Does anyone wanna check that?"

"Man, why do you gotta jump headfirst full speed into obnoxious all the time. She's breathing Tony, Jesus. Just gear down and give her a minute." Rhodey shot his friend a sidelong glare, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest. "It's a lot … we all know that by now."

Some things would never change. The group dynamic when there was more than two of the team in the room at any given time was clearly at the top of the list as far as constants were concerned. It was like they had never stopped meeting this way and Lexie had forgotten just exactly how it played out every single time. Under any other circumstances it would have made her grin ear to ear; the underhanded compliments, the good-natured ribbing, the never ending back and forth. Under any other circumstances she would have been more than willing to jump right in the thick of it. Under any other circumstances it would have warmed her heart and felt as comfortable and as much like home as it ever had.

Under any other circumstances … but not in that moment.

In that moment, in that one present instance, it felt cold and hollow; familiar voices flat and empty, muffled as though sounding from a million miles away while she sat staring at the bubbles swirling around her tea bag, trapped in the prison of her own mind and waging war against the 10,000 emotions that that swirled with in her all at once.

In that moment, it was as close to Hell as Lexie figured she had ever or would ever be.

"Lex." Steve's voice cut through the fog and brought her focus to the forefront. He reached forward and gave her hand a warm and reassuring that jolted her back into coherence. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I-I'm fine … I think." She lied through her teeth and shifted her gaze to the plume of steam swirling from her cup; following it upwards as it dissipated in the air.

It something to fix on anyway. Something to hold on to as she tried to ignore the growing tightness in her chest and the way the room felt like it was beginning to close in on her. Something to try and still herself with even if there was no point to trying to stop the proverbial runaway train that was barreling down the tracks straight for her.

"I'm fine."

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah." Her fingers tensed against the warm ceramic, begrudgingly realizing she had to face what they were telling her, even if she didn't want to … not yet anyway. "I'm sorry … I just … I don't understand. Can you-"

"What Steve is saying," Natasha cut off gently in attempt to try and make it easier on her in any small way she could; hoping she could soften things just enough to keep her from spinning out. "Tony thinks … we think we found a way to undo the snap. We think it's a real chance this time … we think this can work. We think it's going to work. We think we can bring everybody back."

"Mm-hmm." Lexie hummed quietly. One of her hands instinctively lifted to her chest, fingers searching through the fabric of her shirt for the dog tags that hung around her neck … Bucky's dog tags. "That's what … that's what I thought you said." She sighed and swallowed back the ever-growing lump in her throat and fought with everything she had to keep her breath steady and even. "You're telling me now … you're telling me like this because I'm the last to know? Right? I'm the last to her about any of this."

"Steve thought it would probably be better to wait until we were sure …"

"Makes sense." She chortled. "I guess."

"Are we all done mollycoddling her? I don't wanna say the clock is ticking, because obviously it's not … yet. But the sooner this gets done the sooner we can get back to our dailies and forget about feeling guilty for screwing the pooch the first time. I don't know about anyone else but I, for one, am looking forward to forgetting any of this ever happened." Tony huffed impatiently and drove the line of conversation straight back into business.

Lexie flinched a little and felt the knife turn in her gut at his rather remarkable choice of words that managed to cut her to the quick … not that he could have known. Forget any of this ever happened … a few select words that made her heart ache and her eyes well with emotion.

"We need you with us on this Lockhart. We need a solid team, no room for mistakes. We can't half ass it. If we can't do it perfect we can't risk it at all …"

Try as she might, she couldn't manage to focus on the long chain of words that poured out of Tony's mouth. Once again the rest of the world started to fade to the background and sink into little more than echoes while she slipped back into her own mind and tried to work through it all; the torture of needing to be present and sit through it all when really she wanted to trade place with any single soul that had been snapped away rather endure what undoing it was all about to bring.

Pulling her eyes away from her mug for the first time, on her first flick upwards she was locked instantly in Steve's stoic, all knowing stare. She was held wordlessly for what seemed nothing short of an eternity and every second was even more excruciating than the one before it. Between them, there was no need, no use for words. Everything Lexie needed to know was written all over his face and painted in the turmoil and the sadness that was clear as day behind his beautiful blue eyes and everything that Steve needed to know was mirrored by her own.

The longer they stared at each other, the longer they were locked in that sad, unspeaking bond of confusion and regret and pained acceptance, the harder it was for Lexie to hold it all together and try as she might. She dug her fingernails against the glaze of the ceramic and gave herself a swift kick and few sharp jabs mentally to pull out of it. It couldn't end this way … this wasn't the way she wanted it to come to a close, she couldn't muscle through it and come out the other side intact, there was no possible way … it was going to rip her in two. Locked in that silent, sad, all knowing, pained, resigned stare, she chewed her bottom lip in hope to stop it from quivering in that horrible way from which there was no return, but it was all too late.

… there was no stopping it now.

Trapped in the war room that she had avoided for as long as she could remember, listening to Tony rattle on with half an ear. Trapped by the way Steve looked at her, his face drawn and solemn in their unspeaking exchange. Trapped by the gravity, the reality of the entre situation and the way her heart was at war with itself. There was no escape and it was far too much far too fast, and it was far too much for her to endure any longer.

Lexie couldn't sit and listen to anything else. She couldn't sit and think about anything else. She couldn't sit and listen … and she wouldn't.

She barely even noticed the mug slipping from her grasp until it collided with the floor, shattering in a perfectly ear shattering crash; breaking in to a perfect shatter, a perfect mess that was so fitting as visual representation for the entire situation … a perfect mess that she could do little else other than stare at for a moment before being rocked back into reality with everyone else around her staring at her in stunned silence.

"Shit." She spat. The damn broke and she pathetically failed to strangle a sharp sob as she shakily pushed back from the table and out of her chair.

"Lexie … " Natasha was the first to move, concern wrought over her features as she made to take up at her friend's side.

"Stop…" Lexie half sobbed again and held up a hand in protest, hazarding another glance at Steve who was now hunched forward in his seat; eyes shut, jaw clenched tightly and fingers pressed to the bridge of his nose. "Just please, stop … okay? I'm fine. I just can't do this right now … I just …" Her breath quickened in her chest and she felt what strength she had left speedily stream out of her body. "I just can't."

"Was it something I said?" Tony arched a brow and scanned the room in confusion.

"I need …" She struggled to force the breath that fought right back and seemingly refused to come. "I need some fucking air … I can't … I can't breathe in here."

"Hey, how about we go take a breather in the courtyard? It's warm in here, it's getting to me too." Natasha offered, flashing a sympathetic smile and an out that seemed less out of the blue and less dramatic. "I could use a break. I'll come with you. We can-"

"No." She snapped and shot down what she knew was a well intending offer. The courtyard sounded outright blissful, there was no denying that, but the thought of falling to pieces in front of Natasha, in front of any one of them for that matter, was never at the top of her list of things to do at the best of times; even less so at present, given the situation. "No, Nat … thank you. I just can-" She choked again and lost her voice a little more. "I can't … I'm sorry."

"Steve …"

He raised a hand pre-emptively, stuffing down his own emptions, stuffing down

He raised a hand pre-emptively, stuffing down his own emptions, stuffing down every urge he had to immediately spring out of his own seat and instantly chase after her as she hurriedly took her leave from the group. If Lexie needed a moment to gather herself and he would give it to her … because after all, she wasn't the only one who needed to still herself and rally. He needed a moment, he needed more than a moment and he would be no good to her if he let himself fall to pieces just the same.

"Seriously, what did I say?" Tony asked again, more hushed than he had before.

Lexie could hear their conversation continuing, echoing after her as she continued towards her exodus and what she hoped would bring blessed relief; a remedy for the knot of emotion in her soul and an analgesic for the hefty pain in the center of her chest.

"I'm not kidding, I'm in the dark here … what am I missing?

"A lot." Rhodey did what he could to point blank end the conversation. "You missed a lot."

"Clearly. That didn't look like happiness."

"Just let it go, man."

"Again, I'm just asking. Why is everyone up my ass for asking basic questions?"

"Tony, not now. Seriously."

Steve's voice was the last she heard, quiet, solemn and subdued, as she slipped through the doorway and started down what seemed like a mile long corridor; a lengthy expanse at the end of which, another set of sliding doors parted with a muted hiss and she greeted her with a blast of crisp autumn air. Cool and soothing against Lexie's face as she stood in the open she sucked in just as much as she could with every shuddery breath; still claustrophobic and anxious, still reeling, still dizzy, still overwhelmingly cold, and clammy, and nauseous as all hell … still crumbling under the weight of the shock that she had been handed on a silver platter. It wasn't quite the cure-all she had hoped, but it helped in the tiniest of ways.

In the courtyard it was quiet. In the courtyard it was still and calm and gave her the solace enough to let the wall down and surrender to the storm. In the courtyard, she could hide, and did hide, shuffling towards a thick, strong pillar by the balcony to rest against; sinking to the ground and turning her face skyward in some sort of silent prayer, she let the first actual tears spill down her cheeks as shaky, shuddering breaths turned to thick, wet, not so quiet, choking sobs she had no hope of silencing.

Five long years and they had figured out a way to bring everyone back … to bring Bucky back, to give everyone back their former lives, to give him back to her.

Five long years and the one thing she had wanted so badly, the one thing that had consumed her mind and kept her going for .long … and now the day had come. Now it was upon her, she could reach out and snatch it, it was no longer just a pipe dream.

Five long years after he had been ripped away from her she still loved him with everything she was and the promise of everything she once had restored swelled her heart six sizes too large for her chest and turned knots in her stomach in the best way possible; she was sure of it, even layered with all the shock and all the conflict that it stirred up and left to tear clean through her.

Five long years later and she still loved Bucky with everything she had.

… and now, five very long years later, Lexie so very unfortunately loved Steve in even more unfortunately, the exact same way.

Steve, her constant, her anchor, the rock on which she had broken herself when Bucky died … the one person she never imagined she would fall in love with so entirely … and the one person with whom she wasn't able to avoid doing just that.

Five long years and they had the chance to make everything right again. Now, at the end of everything when she had made a perfect complicated mess out of everything.

Now … when at the end of it all, one way or another, someone was going to get hurt.

… and it was going to break her heart to have to be the cause of it.

With a heavy heart, she had to face it, she had to read the writing on the wall and come to terms with an impossible situation and an even more impossible decision.

It had been a long, long road in getting to this point and now it seemed that Lexie was at the end of it, in one way or another … and now, at the end of it, she had almost forgotten how it all began … way back when, when things were simple.

… or as simple as they could be … for someone like her.