Sarek, in an uncharacteristically sloppy gesture, dropped his luggage to the floor of the foyer to gather his tearful wife in his arms as she launched herself into him. "Beloved, I am gratified by your greeting, but I must breathe, and you are restricting my airflow." In contrast to his words, he made no move to push her away.
"You're home early! I did not expect you for another few hours!" She laced her fingers through his and pulled him into a deep kiss, unrepentant for her public display when staff could interrupt at any moment.
"I made use of my status to bypass starbase intake and beamed directly to the transporter station in Shi'khar."
Amanda disentangled herself from Sarek and tugged his hand to direct him to the kitchen dining alcove. "You must be tired from your journey."
"I am not."
"Liar. Interplanetary travel is always tiring." She dialed in a selection at the replicator and set the steaming mug before him.
"Cafe mocha? You indulge me needlessly. I chartered transport on a science vessel travelling directly from Earth to Vulcan, so the journey was not so taxing." He employed enough restraint to avoid finishing the mug too quickly. "Spock sends a message. He instructed me to tell you that he feels fine." Amanda's sparkling laugh gave Sarek the impression of feeling somehow lighter. "I suspected that this was a private joke between you."
"It seems he's continuing to improve and regain parts of his old self. Did he actually time travel? Again?"
"I can think of no other logical way he could have acquired two Humpback whales in what we perceived to be only a moment. It was an incredible risk."
"Do you expect anything less from Admiral Kirk?"
"Captain Kirk, actually." Sarek finished his mocha and considered requesting another, but refrained when the combination of sugar and intoxicating chocolate disrupted his orientation momentarily. "Are we still hosting Saavik?"
Amanda nodded towards a wall of transparent aluminum. It gave a sprawling view of the estate with its desert vistas. The canyons and towering spires gave way to a stretch of flat land that bordered the L-langon mountains. During Vulcan's rare rains, the expanse would turn into a shallow lake that acted as a reflection pool for the mountains.
The lakebed was dry and cracked now. Contrails of orange dust rose in plumes behind a metallic sky blue aircar speeding over the flat land. So much dust was hanging in the air that it was evident to Sarek that this activity had been occurring for no short time.
"That is my car." A frown touched the corner of his lips.
"A logical deduction, husband. She was getting cabin fever, and it makes her happy."
"She is welcome to go anywhere in the city or region that she pleases at a reasonable velocity." He punched up the application on his PADD that allowed him to remotely monitor the aircar. "That is not a reasonable velocity." He tipped the PADD so that Amanda could see the speedometer readout.
Sarek pressed a button and used the inbuilt tripod to set the PADD on the table as a viewer. After a moment, Saavik appeared on the PADD in a window. On the informational side panel, the speedometer showed the aircar was gently decelerating.
"Greetings, Sarek." Saavik's voice was devoid of emotion, but her eyes seemed to sparkle. She wore a cage-like helmet that conformed to her skull and a thick padded collar around her neck. At the edge of the screen's field of view, Sarek could see she wore the secure, full-torso webbing restraint rather than the belt style safety restraint designed for daily use.
"Have you abandoned your Starfleet career with an intent to join a motorsports team?"
Saavik frowned. "That would be a highly illogical career path."
"Then have you abandoned reason? Please, return to the estate immediately."
Saavik nodded and set in a course for the garage with just a few button pushes. Sarek ended the call then entered an override code on the PADD that allowed him to set the car's settings to autopilot.
"Why did you allow this?" Sarek questioned. The set of his wife's lips and shoulders alerted him that his words had triggered what could turn into an argument.
"She's a grown woman. She's our guest, not a prisoner."
Sarek chose to respond in the most frustrating way possible: by leaving the table.
Throughout their marriage, difficulties had abounded. They were two people from vastly different cultures navigating expectations, norms, and customs the other could not be aware of or understand. Love and communication had pulled them through, but there were just some issues that had lingered. Their most damaging arguments and issues stemmed from Sarek's sense of superiority and Amanda's inconsistency in standing up for her principles.
This moment was a culmination of those issues: Sarek stood by the kitchen entrance, awaiting Saavik's arrival, and Amanda left the kitchen, unable to muster the energy to participate. She opened the doors leading from the entertainment room to the back garden to allow the cooling evening air into the house and slumped into a lounge chair.
Saavik entered the kitchen, finger combing her sweat soaked curls. "Please explain your illogical behavior," Sarek demanded of her.
Saavik poured herself a glass of water and drank half of it down in one breath before deigning to answer Sarek. "I have confirmed that I am not quitting Starfleet."
"You are being vexacious. Why would you pilot a vehicle at such an extreme velocity?"
"I have piloted vessels upwards of warp 7.4. 150 kilometers per hour is hardly extreme in comparison." She finished her glass and refilled it.
He pressed, "It is very irresponsible to drive a planet-bound aircar at that speed. You are aware of this." Amanda glanced over her shoulder at her husband to see he had his hands steepled before him. It was a dead giveaway to her that he was working hard to maintain his control.
"Ambassador Sarek, are you in the habit of making expensive purchases without diligently researching the product?"
Sarek lifted an eyebrow and her apparent non sequitur. "An irrelevant question. But no, I research goods thoroughly before committing to them."
"Then why do you maintain that driving your car at high speeds is irresponsible? Where is the logic in purchasing a vehicle with triple redundant safety features, capable of speeds that exceed maximum limits permitted on public lands, with enough torque to require space grade inertial dampeners if you do not intend to utilize such features?"
Amanda groaned, barely resisting the urge to cover her ears like a child. This argument was shaping up to be the kind that Vulcans could continue for hours unbroken.
"You are not considering that the redundant safety features are not available on factory models except those capable of such speed and power. The safety of my most frequent passenger is paramount."
"Yet you have purchased additional protective gear designed to be worn while operating the vehicle at top speeds."
He swerved the point. "Even with the excessive safety and protective devices and technologies, it is still possible, though highly improbable, that passengers could be injured in an accident. I distrust the judgement of anyone in your condition who would submit themselves to such risks!"
When the silence descended on the house for an uncomfortably long time, Amanda raised up on her knees in the lounge chair (knowing she would regret the likely aches later) to see which contender would make the next move.
Saavik's frame was tense, crouched in a barely-perceptible posture of ferocity. Her eyes were glittering. Sarek seemed at first glance to be displaying completely neutral body language, but Amanda could feel his anxiety through the bond.
"A person in my condition?" Saavik parroted in a tone that was utterly calm in contrast to her stance. "You refer to my pregnancy, which, I remind you, is barely in the second quarter."
"I do refer to that condition. You carry within you another living being who is beholden to your capricious foolishness."
Amanda could imagine Saavik as a vicious wildcat in that moment. Even her fingers curled slightly into a clawed shape.
She sent psychic waves of caution to her husband, but his next statement suggested that he ignored the warning. Sarek closed the gap between him and Saavik, forcing her to either step back or crane her neck up to look him in the eyes. "Your body, girl, is not your own. You carry the descendant of Surak, of house S'chn T'gai."
"My body will always belong to me," Saavik hissed. "No one, not you, or Spock, or the healers, or all of Vulcan will take that from me." She was coiled tightly, trembling with the effort to hold on to a last thread of control.
"Sarek-" Amanda called out loud, another warning in her voice.
"Have you no sense of maternal instinct?" he questioned.
"Sarek!" Amanda cried. /Have you lost your mind? she admonished through the bond.
But it was not Amanda's scolding that made him take a step back from Saavik. In response to his question, she slumped, propping herself against the cool stone countertop. She was breathing in irregular shallow breaths, and both her eyes and lips were squeezed tightly shut.
The moment the words left his mouth, Sarek had expected a reaction of rage: spitting, cursing, perhaps even physical violence. This girl carried the blood of the fiercest warriors in the galaxy, and no amount of Vulcan nurture could completely erase that. It was a force that drove her to seek perfection and achievement, and he could not help but admire that even if it meant she frequently resorted to overtures of emotion.
Instead, it was as if that force completely drained from her. She was the picture of devastation, and Sarek knew himself to be the artist.
He mentally slammed a heavy door on the bond between him and his wife as he retreated deep into himself to seek a place of serenity. He was the one who had displayed control and presented his arguments more confidently, but he knew he had lost the high ground in this discussion. It was illogical to wish to unsay words already spoken, but he desired it in spite of logic. He found himself unable to act or speak as the excruciating moment dragged on.
Fortunately Amanda was at Sarek's side to rescue him, as she had many times before when he had overstepped with their children. She dropped her hand covering her mouth and whispered, "Saavik?"
Saavik flinched, and Sarek prepared for her rage. But she astonished him by taking a deep breath and standing up straight. Though her shoulders were back, she would not meet their eyes, instead locking her focus on something beyond the patio in the darkening evening.
She spoke without emotion. "Of course. It was illogical, careless, and ungrateful for me to disrespect your hospitality this evening. I humbly beg your pardon for my irreverence of your family's status and for mistreating the incubator of your descendant."
"Saavik, hold on-" Amanda started, but Saavik continued in a flat tone.
"I wish to return to my rooms to mediate. I will accept your demand that I prepare to vacate."
"Please, stay. We need to talk," Amanda implored, but Sarek broke his silence to speak over her.
"You are free to return to your rooms to mediate. I hope you will join us for last meal."
"I endeavour to. I will take my leave." She turned with military precision and marched out, leaving her hosts without having made eye contact.
Sarek opened the hallways of his mind, reforging the pathway between his psyche and Amanda's. Already he could feel her quarrelous emotions. "It was prudent to allow her her privacy as she desired."
"This needs to be settled. Sarek, you know you owe her an apology, right?" At his silence, she pushed on. "What you said is absolutely horrible. I don't even know who you are!"
"I am your husband and your bondmate. I am the same man who has made so many missteps and spoken abhorrent words to those he treasures in service to faulty logic. Forgive me." His final words were whispered, and Amanda's resolve broke. She had rarely ever been able to resist comforting him in these moments, even when she should stand up to him to demand that the situation reach a fulfilling conclusion for everyone. Though he had transgressed, she was complicit in his parenting sins by association. Her children had suffered for her weakness, all surviving by building a shell of resentment and rebelling against Sarek's discipline.
It had not been fair to the children, nor had it been fair to Sarek. And she, too, had suffered for their shortcomings in parenting. If she had been stronger instead of following along with his decisions and methods, perhaps Sybok would not have been exiled and unwittingly lured to his death. Perhaps Michael would have lived a more fulfilling life and grown old among her loved ones. Perhaps she could have mended the gulf between Spock and Sarek instead of letting decades of silence and bitterness prevail.
No more. She was far too old to keep making the same mistake. "You are not kicking her out. If she goes, I go!"
Sarek turned his distressed expression on her. "I would have her stay. And I would have you stay, always. Do not mistake me for a stronger man, the man of my youth who dared to keep you at arm's length and test your threats. I would not survive your leaving."
Amanda's resolve crumbled, again, just a little, but she had frequently been accused of being a bleeding heart. "Oh, my love." She wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her toes to lay her head on his shoulder. He enfolded her in his arms and poured what feelings he allowed himself into their bond. /You are everything to me, beloved. You carry my very life in your hands, and I am at your mercy.
/After everything we've been through, Sarek, I can't believe you think I'd ever leave you. I only meant that I would move out in temporary protest.
/I know that I sometimes take you for granted. It is not intentional. I wish to be better and will make an effort to do so.
Amanda pulled back, swiping at the tears on her cheek. The house staff would soon begin preparing a customary meal in honor of Sarek's return from his long absence, and she knew Sarek would not want to be witnessed in a moment of vulnerability.
"For some reason you stuck by this silly human woman when you could have had any available Vulcan woman you wanted. Let's go to our rooms and let the staff have the kitchen. We need to talk about our approach with Saavik next time she deems us worthy of her presence."
He held out two fingers, and she joined with him. "Do you want another warm beverage before we go?" she asked.
"Indeed, though I should refrain from cafe mocha. My tolerance has waned since you introduced me to it, and I am prone to displays of absurdity after drinking."
"You are indeed. You did propose to me while under its effects."
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Saavik did not join them for last meal. They debated well into the night about whether they should try talking with her. Ultimately Amanda went to bed before they made the decision. Sarek retired to his office to work. Recovery efforts were still underway in the probe's wake, and Sarek's goal tonight was to complete a plan to locate and inform family members of Vulcans who died off-world during the disaster. He could have delegated the work to his staff, or even allowed the Vulcan embassy to assist. But he found it an honor to undertake the grim task.
Late into the night, a few hours until sunrise, he detected the light step and swish of fabric of someone approaching his office. He could feel that Amanda was still asleep, and the footsteps did not belong to any staff member.
Saavik appeared in his doorway. He set down his PADD and indicated a comfortable armchair on the opposite side of his desk. She sat, but when she did not begin a conversation, he picked up his PADD to continue working, allowing her the silence. It was not strained or tense, but a very Vulcan kind of companionable quiet. The more extroverted species such as Humans, Deltans, and Klingons seemed to have a need to fill the silent moments with chatter. Amanda had learned to appreciate how quiet Vulcans were in everyday life, though Sarek was never put off or bothered by what she had to say.
After almost an hour of quiet, Sarek had almost completed his task when Saavik spoke. "According to specifications, your model of aircar is capable of a speed almost double of what I was able to achieve. However, I was not able to go beyond 150 kilometers per hour. There may be a malfunction."
Sarek sat his PADD on the desk again and stood, engaging in minor stretching exercises to encourage blood flow to his stiff limbs. "The car is equipped with a governor that can only be disabled by someone with an enhanced pilot's license." He walked out from behind his desk and sat in the chair next to hers. "As of two months ago, the aircar was functioning above the governor's speed without malfunction."
The microexpression on her face was one of surprise and… triumph? He recalled that he had never confirmed her assumption that he sometimes drove the car at excessive speeds based on the supplemental protective gear stored in the garage. "Speed, it is said, is a young person's game. I did not understand the appeal of fast travel, though, until Spock visited briefly at the conclusion of his first five year deployment on the Enterprise. I had just received a new turbo aircar. His Starfleet pilot's license was sufficient for overriding the governor, and he took me for a ride that was intended to evoke exuberance."
"Joyride," Amanda corrected from the doorway. "The term is joyride."
"Greeting, Lady Amanda," Saavik said. "If you had no intention then of driving at such speeds, why did you choose the more sophisticated model?"
"As I enumerated yesterday, the enhanced safety features are available only on that model."
"Something you have to understand about my husband, Saavik, is his strong desire to protect the people he cherishes comes across as overbearing and controlling at times." Amanda perched primly on Sarek's lap. He knew that this act was often correlated with a playful and teasing mood; he was pleased that the sullenness that had descended on his wife after his and Saavik's argument the night before had passed.
"Wife," he admonished gently. He resisted the urge to rest his hand on her upper thigh to maintain some propriety in Saavik's company. "This is not fitting behavior in front of our guest."
"And our guest is probably starving. Let me make you both an early breakfast."
"On the contrary, I am experiencing mild nausea. But I do wish to commune with you both." Saavik stood, mimicking Sarek's earlier stretching exercises.
Amanda smiled in sympathy. "That's likely dehydration. Let's get you some tea and see how you feel about food afterwards."
Sarek said, "I recall that Amanda was struck with debilitating nausea through the second and third quarters of carrying Spock."
"It's part of human pregnancy," Amanda countered. She dialed in Vulcan breakfast tea as her husband and lodger seated themselves in the dining alcove, then she began preparing a light morning meal.
Sarek continued, "While nausea is a common symptom, such extreme intensity would result in a much higher maternal mortality rate if commonly experienced. I recall that Daniel determined it was the copper supplements."
Saavik mindlessly laid her hand against the hypoinjection site from her morning supplement. "Daniel altered the mix ratio of my supplement at my appointment yesterday. The growth rate of the fetus has slowed, and my own copper and calcium levels are at suboptimal levels."
"What did he say about your protein levels?" Amanda asked as she set three plates on the table and seated herself between Sarek and Saavik.
"Also suboptimal. As were my sodium levels, potassium levels, ceruloplasmin level, TIBC ratio, and thiol levels." Saavik took a long pull from her mug.
Amanda and Sarek exchanged a glance. "If I may inquire, were any of the results above suboptimal?" Sarek queried.
"My temperature and white blood cell count were elevated."
Amanda stood to retrieve the water pitcher and a glass for Saavik.
"Are you following the prescribed regimens?" Sarek questioned. Saavik nodded. "And they believe simply altering your supplement injections will be sufficient? Did Daniel or Sorel indicate that there is cause for concern?" Before Saavik could form a response, he pressed on. "During your appointments, do not restrain from describing any new pain or discomfort you are experiencing. The brain's anterior cingulate cortex and thalamus are sometimes capable of recognizing anomalies before they are detectable by medical technology."
Saavik waited for a break in his speech. "Amanda's assessment is correct. Your concern manifests as a tendency to be overbearing."
Sarek nodded his head in contrition.
Saavik dropped her eyes to hands that were clasped together on the table. "I must apologize again for my behavior. I do find my judgement somewhat clouded as of late."
"I think all of us are feeling a little cattywampus lately" Amanda replied. "I hope you understand that it's ridiculous to think we'd kick you out over an argument. You're staying here, and we wouldn't have it any other way."
Saavik shook her head. "Neither of you wished for this. I sometimes regret my choice in forcing this burden upon you."
Amanda laid her hand on the table next to Saavik's arm. "You didn't ask for this, either, dear. It's hard, and it's going to get harder."
"I am still undecided on whether I should terminate while it is still early." She swallowed and raised her eyes to meet Sarek's. "You must find the idea of terminating a descendent of Surak distasteful."
Sarek knew she was utilizing his argument from the evening before in a fair manner, but he was disturbed to hear it reframed in such a manner. "Descendants are only described as such when they are born. At the moment, the fetus is just that: a collection of cells. It does not have a katra or a functioning cortex. This is a choice only you can make. No one else's opinions or preferences overrule."
"I sometimes desire that this would end naturally before it becomes more difficult," Saavik admitted. She crossed her arms across her stomach.
Amanda spoke gently. "I think any woman or being in your position would feel that way. One of the most abhorrent things to Vulcans about the Fever is that it takes away your control and your options."
"Amanda, the staff will be arriving momentarily," Sarek warned.
Amanda quashed her irritation. She had hoped in the beginning of their marriage that Sarek would become more comfortable with discussing this most private aspect of Vulcan biology with her. She believed that since they were literally in each other's heads, there was nothing too shameful or embarrassing that they could not address when necessary. But the taboo was strongly drilled into every Vulcan from the moment they were matched with a future bondmate, and even she could not undo decades of the strictest cultural belief.
"I'll just say that we, along with Doctor Corrigan and Sorel, understand that this is a consequence of a situation where you really only had one choice. You're also very very young and at the beginning of your career. Starfleet isn't known to be accommodating of new parents. How many Starfleet officers do you know who are able to keep a family together?"
"Something," Sarek added, "which I have been lobbying to ameliorate. Vulcans have been exploring space since long before the Federation was formed, and we have never forced someone to choose between that career and a family. I do not expect Starfleet to improve far on the issue in the coming years, but when you are ready to start a family, I hope you do not find your career to be an obstacle."
Saavik shook her head. "If I am fortunate enough to come out of this with an infant, I do not believe additional children would be in my future. Finding a mate who would find me acceptable without the added complexity of a Vulcan Human hybrid child is difficult enough. I do not expect to find him any time soon. By then, having children would be extremely unlikely for a woman of my age."
"Oh, Saavik," Amanda said, smiling with a mix of bemusement and sympathy. "One commonality across all species is that the youth have no idea how young they are."
"That statement is illogical," Saavik countered, her eyebrow climbing up her forehead.