I am sorry in advance that this chapter. These past couple of weeks have been difficult so I needed to take it all out in a dramatic storyline. Don't hate me...please!

The whole city was on lockdown.

Not because of a terrorist attack or a bio weapon, but because of the deadly virus that had been spreading all over the world. It's name, COVID-19.

All citizens were obliged to stay home in order to somehow contain the spread. All Police patrols were busy. It was their job to keep everyone in Chicago aligned and all detectives offered to help since they were catching flies. No murders, no burglaries, no crimes at all. Everyone was too preoccupied with the invisible enemy.

It was already dark. Jay and Hailey walked into the district after another long day of patrols. A lot of people ignored the constant reminders to stay at home. They weren't afraid of something that they couldn't see so they felt invisible. They felt like rebels standing up to the government and that pissed Jay and Hailey off.

At first they tried to be the good cops. The kind cops. The ones that calmly tried to explain to the ignorant, the gravity of the situation. After a couple of hours on the streets thought, their kindness was long gone. They were angry, frustrated, tired and above all afraid of the future. That was an enemy that none of them could fight.

As soon as they entered the building, Jay noticed Platt's eyes landing on him. She was on the phone and her eyes were visibly teary. Both Jay and Hailey immediately knew that something was wrong. Their first thought was that someone on the team had gotten hurt.

Well, they were partially correct.

They stood there side by side, unable to move, waiting for Platt to break the news. Their hearts accelerated but still were beating in unity. Unconsciously, Jay took Hailey's hand in his and held it tight. This was way too soon. First Al, then Antonio was gone, Jay nearly died, Kim lost the baby. The team couldn't endure another hit.

Their eyes met in a desperate attempt to reassure each other. Jay held his partner's hand even tighter as his thumb was gently stroking it.

"Jay, it's for you," Platt swallowed hard. "It's from Afghanistan, Sergeant Ortiz."

At the sound of that, Jay felt the earth move underneath him. A second ago his heart was beating like a crazy train but now, it had stopped. His whole body went numb and he could feel that strong knot forming in his stomach. That nasty chill down his spine.

The time had come. He had to find the strength to step forward and answer the call he had been dreading for 3 years now.

Finally, he forced himself to release Hailey's warm hand and walk towards the front desk.

The news were written all over Platt's face. He knew it. He could feel it. But he wasn't ready to hear it.

Taking along breath he closed his eyes and placed the phone on his ear.

"This is Halstead," he answered, his voiced barely audible.

Hailey stepped closer to her partner. Quite often, Jay mentioned his dear friend Mouse who was serving in Afghanistan. The tech expert with the Hawaiian shirts. A picture of him and Jay at Molly's decorated her partner's fridge.

Apart for a simple "how" Jay never spoke a word on the phone. Just suppressed mumbles. It didn't matter though, his body language spoke volumes. His head had dropped forward. His trembling fingers were barely holding the phone. His body was stiff and his jaw clenched.

A couple of minutes later the call was over.

"I have to go home," Jay softly said as he rubbed his face with his hands.

"I am sorry," Platt managed to say to him before he turned his back on her.

"I know," he responded sniffing his nose trying to hold back the tears.

Platt looked at Hailey, silently urging her to go after him.

"Were are you going?" she followed him outside the District.

"Home, I am sorry but I want to go home," he picked up his pace clearly trying to avoid her.

"Jay stop!" the blonde detective yelled as she grabbed his upper hand to stop him before getting into his car.

"Hailey please," Jay begged avoiding any eye contact with her. "I just want to be alone right now."

"Come on. You know I won't do that. This is our thing, remember? I don't know exactly what they told you on the phone, but I can only assume. You don't have to go through this alone. I am here for you. I will always be here for you."

Jay kept staring at his car's window. Well, actually he was staring at his partner's reflection who was still holding his arm. He wanted to be alone but also with her at the same time. He wanted to swallow his pain but also share it with her. He wanted to break down and cry but only in her arms.

He let out a deep sigh and handed her the keys. "I am not in the mood to drive."

That was all the invitation she needed. Within seconds they were already taking to road to his apartment. As expected, during the ride none spoke a word. It wasn't the time or the place.

Within ten minutes they were already entering Jay's apartment. He dropped his keys on the coffee table and walked straight towards his mini bar to pour himself and his partner a glass of whiskey.

He took a long sip and crashed on the couch with Hailey sitting right opposite to him.

"Was it about your friend?" she hesitantly asked.

Jay just nodded staring at the bottom of his already empty glass.

"Is he…..?"

Once again Jay refused to verbally answer and simply nodded. Hot tears were already tingling his green eyes.

"How?" she asked hoping she wasn't putting too much pressure on him.

"Not as I expected," Jay ironically smiled

"What do you mean?" Hailey frowned her eyebrows confused.

"He fell sick a few days ago and as it turned out, he had that God damn virus," he took another long sip. "He had high fever for the first few days and then it turned into pneumonia. After that it all went downhill. He lungs started collapsing and there was nothing they could do."

"Jay I am so sorry," she leaned forward trying to find his eyes. "I know I never met him, but I know how important he was to you. "

Jay never picked up his gaze from his glass. He was clearly lost in his own thoughts.

"He was miles away from home and he died all alone. He had no one by his side. No one! The nurses said his last words were 'Tell Jay I have no regrets."

"Regrets about what?" Hailey softly smiled believing there was an inside joke behind Greg's final words.

"I told him not to go back. I told him he didn't belong there but he didn't listen to me. I should have tried harder to change his mind," he wiped his runny nose with his hand.

"Jay, I've heard this story from the guys as well. From what they told me, Greg had already made up his mind. There was nothing you could have said to change his mind," Hailey stood up and sat right next to him on the couch.

"He wanted to die a soldier," Jay bitterly smiled. "He wanted to die in battle and ended up dying because of a virus. Talking about irony."'

Hailey didn't know how to respond. Usually she always had the right thing to say, but now she was speechless. She desperately wanted to help her partner but didn't know how.

"I need to throw some water on my face," Jay stood up and quickly walked towards the bathroom.

He placed both hand on the sink to support his weight and looked at his reflection on the mirror. His skin pale as snow and his eyes red as fire.

He felt desperate, guilty, breathless. He felt like on the verge of losing control. On the verge of losing himself. The tightness on his chest, the rapid heartbeat, the sense of panic edging outward.

How many losses could he endure? How many people did he have to lose before falling apart? Why did everyone around him die?

Mouse had been a better brother than Will. That was harsh to say, but it was the truth. He had saved his life more than once. He was his rock. His friend. His family. And now, he was gone.

Greg always looked up to Jay because he thought he was stronger than him. He believed he had figured the world out. How wrong he was!

It was all a façade. Of course, Jay was still haunted by his trauma. He could still hear the echo of bombs ringing in his ears. He could still feel his aching body.

Above all though, were the nightmares. Sometimes, he dreamt of his tortures. Other times, of gunfights and exploding glasses. Lately, he had been dreaming of his own death.

He touched his chest with his hand desperately trying to catch a breath while fighting the tears away.

He leaned on the sink grabbing it tightly, gasping for air.

Right then, Hailey walked in worried of what was taking him so long.

As soon as she saw him in that state, she run and covered him with her body placing both arms around him. She could feel his trembling body under her palms.

"Hey, hey," she whispered to him.

It was too late. The fight was lost. He started crying uncontrollably and soon enough his legs could no longer support him. He started to lose balance. Thankfully Hailey even though petit, was strong enough to break the fall and they both landed on the floor.

"I wasn't there for him," Hay was sobbing. "I promised I would always take care of him and I failed."

He broke right there on the cold floor of the bathroom, in front of another human being. The one human being he didn't want to see this. He wanted to fight her away but he couldn't.

She pulled him in her arms whispering in his ear.

"There was nothing you could have done. You were lucky to have him in your life and he was lucky to have you. Yes, he didn't deserve to die like that. He didn't deserve to die at all. But he went out doing what he loved. Remember? No regrets!"

Jay could feel her warmth against his cold skin. Her breath on his ear. She sounds so strong, so convincing, so comforting. What he can't see, are the tears in her blue eyes as she gently strokes his hair.

She was right. That was their thing and it worked. Jay may never get over his friend's loss but it felt good to have someone to talk to. Someone to share the pain.

Still, he couldn't help but think that if Greg had met someone important in his life, he would never had left. Who knew? If it wasn't for Erin back then or Hailey right now, Jay might had enlisted with him too.

One thing was true. Of all the people he had lost, Greg was the one to leave a huge void in his heart. A void that no one could feel.