Enjoy.

10 Things I Hate About You

Henry Swan stared at the guidance counselor before him. She was older, with a sense of bitterness he couldn't deny. He glanced down at the golden nameplate that sat on her desk: Miss Eugenia Lucas.

She chewed the gum in her mouth loudly, as she stared at the boy before her with what could only be described as disdain with a mixture of curiosity.

However, he couldn't dwell on it, as she evidently began to speak,

"So, Henry, you were at the top of your class at your last school, why the sudden move to a public institution?"

"Well my dad-"

"That's enough," she cut him off, with a wave of her hand, truly not caring for the answer. "I'm sure you won't find Storybrooke High any different than your old place of instruction. Private school, public school. It's still all the same little asswipe shit-for-brains everywhere."

Henry's eyes widened comically. "Excuse me, did you just say-" he looked around the room, to make sure this wasn't some sort of trick. "Am I in the right office?"

Miss Lucas just stared blankly. "Not anymore you're not. Now get out of here. I've got deviants to see and a novel to finish!" she waved her hand towards the door, as she slid her laptop closer to herself and began to type.

"Okay," Henry said awkwardly as he walked out the room. "Thanks."

He shook his head at the absurdity of the counselor and looked out into the waiting room, where he recognized a familiar face. "Emma!"

The blonde in question raised her eyebrow and looked around the empty room before speaking, "Henry, I told you not to talk to me at school, mom and dad wouldn't want you to be labeled as a bad seed."

Henry rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, I think I have the right to speak to my own sister."

"Yes well, they had you going to that private school for a reason kid," she said with a weak smile and a shrug. "If it wasn't for dad getting laid off, you'd still be over there with the goody goody overachievers, not here with me."

He recognized the hurt in his older sister's eyes immediately. He knew it bothered her to no avail the amount of effort their parents made to keep him out of trouble, whereas she couldn't seem to stay out of it. "Emma I-"

"It's cool Hen," she cut him off, void of emotion. She pointed her fingers to the guidance counselor's door behind him. "Now if you don't mind, I got a date with Miss Lucas."

The boy watched her go with a sigh.

-TTIHAY-

"Ms. Swan. I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual."

Emma smiled, charming as ever. "Only so we can have these moments together. Should I get the lights?"

Miss Lucas shook her head at the girls immature antics. "Oh very clever," she glanced down at the incident report on her desk. "Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria?"

The blonde laughed. "I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a pink grapefruit."

"Grapefruit?" she glances down suspiciously at the girl's pants. "Aren't we the optimist? Next time keep it in your pouch! Now get out of here."

The blonde grinned, gave the older woman a salute, and walked out of the room.

As soon as she heard the door click shut, Miss Lucas looked back to her novel in progress and pondered before typing and reading out loud, "... then she exposed her pink grapefruit to his feasting eyes…"

-TTIHAY-

Henry walked down the halls of Storybrooke High, dodging energetic teenagers of all genders and sizes, before he was stopped by an upperclassmen. "Whoa there," he says, slightly out of breath from trying to catch up to the boy. "My name is Robin Locksley. Junior. I'm supposed to show you around."

"Oh hi!" said a relieved Henry. "Thank god! You know, I was expecting to be shown around by one of those A/V geeks."

Robin blushed. "Oh yeah, totally. I know what you mean."

A student passed, pushing a cart full of audio/video equipment. "Hey Robin, where should I put the-"

With a clearing of his throat, Robin ignored the question and pushed Henry by his shoulders further down the hall, away from the offending student. "Anyway, Henry, here's the breakdown," he pointed towards a group of jocks and cheerleaders ahead. "Over there you've got your basic beautiful people. Unless they talk to you first, don't bother."

Henry looked bewildered. Is this really what public school is like? "Wait. Is that your rule or theirs?"

The junior shook his head at the new kid's ignorance and held a finger up. "Watch," he turned and tapped a random jock on the shoulder. "Hi there!"

The jock scowled. "Geek," and kept on walking.

Robin shrugged in indifference.

"Oh my god," Henry gaped, catching sight of a petite brunette goddess. "What group is she in?"

"The 'don't even think about it' group," Robin laughed, patting his new friends back. "That's Violet Mills. A sophomore."

"I burn! I pine! I perish!" Henry said, poetically.

"Listen. Forget her," Robin advised. "She's got an incredibly uptight mother, and it's a widely known fact that the Mills sisters aren't allowed to date."

Maybe I can change that, Henry thought with a wishful smile.

-TTIHAY-

"Okay then. What did everyone think of The Sun Also Rises?" the professor asked his room full of bored seniors, and smiled at the hand that was raised. "Yes, Mary?"

"I loved it, Mr. Hopper," was her bubbly response. "It was sooo romantic."

He smiled at his student, while noticing the scowl on another. "Regina? You seem to disagree with Mary's assessment, what's your take?"

Regina rolled her eyes. "Hemingway is not romantic," she snorted out, ignoring the outraged gasp from Mary. "He was an abusive alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers."

"As opposed to a bitter self-righteous hag who has no friends?" came a male retort, from a seat behind the brunette girl, causing her to fume in her seat.

"Pipe down, Killian," Mr. Hopper said, with forced patience. He was all for constructive criticism, but sometimes Killian Jones grated his nerves.

"I guess in this society being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time," Regina added, sarcastically. "What about Sylvia Plath or Charlotte Bronte or Simone de Beauvoir?"

Suddenly the door to her left flew open, and Emma stood at the doorway with a grin, "What'd I miss?"

"The oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our education," Regina answered, blandly.

"Oh, good," Emma said brightly, before turning around and leaving the class again.

Mr. Hopper flustered at the sight "Hey!"

Killian laughed. "Uh, Mr. Hopper? Is there any chance we could get Regina to take her Midol before she comes to class?"

Okay, that's enough, the professor thought as he pushed his glasses up his nose and stared his student down. "Someday you're gonna get bitch-slapped Mr. Jones, and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it. And Regina. I want to thank you for your point of view."

Killian glared at his teacher, while Regina smiled to herself smugly.

Mr. Hopper noticed, and continued, "I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years of upper middle class suburban oppression. It must be tough."

The girl's smile deflated just a little, as she was chastised. "Anything else?" she said, bitterly.

The attitude on this girl. These kids are just on a mission to annoy me today, he thought, gaining some boldness. "Yeah. Go to the office. You're pissing me off."

Her jaw dropped. "What?! Mr. Hopper!'

"Later!" Mr. Hopper said, done with her presence.

Regina huffed as she gathered her things, hitting Killian's face with her books on the way out.

-TTIHAY-

Miss Lucas sat in front of her laptop, working tirelessly on her novel, as she read it out loud, "Undulating with desire, Adrienne removes her crimson cape...excitable, stiff and -" she stopped, as she came up short. "Belle!" she called out to her student assistant. "What's another word for engorged?!"

Regina approached the door, having heard the question. "Tumescent?"

"Perfect!" the woman exclaimed, typing the word in, then looking up at the brunette with a raised eyebrow. "So I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Hopper's class. Again."

"Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action."

"The way you expressed your opinion to Neal Gold?" Miss Lucas retorted. "By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested."

The girl tried to hide her smirk, but failed while raising his hands in defense. "I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls."

Miss Lucas rolled her eyes, used to the feisty brunette. "The point is Regina…" she began. "People perceive you as somewhat…"

"Tempestuous?"

"'Heinous bitch' is the term used most often," the older woman corrected with a pointed look. "You might want to work on that. Thank you."

Regina begins to exit the room. "As always, thank you for your excellent guidance. I'll let you get back to Reginald's quivering member."

The door clicked shut, leaving Miss Lucas alone with her thoughts.

"Quivering member...I like that."

-TTIHAY-

Killian Jones and his band of goons stood outside the courtyard, observing the nearest eye candy in appreciation.

"Virgin alert," his friend Smee said, tilting his head in the direction of the girls who were about to walk by them.

Killian smirked as he eyed them, one in particular though. "Looking good, Violet," he complimented as she passed by.

Violet smiled at him in acknowledgement and turned to her friend Ariel with a giggle as they continued walking.

"She's out of reach, even for you," Smee laughed.

"No one's out of reach for me," Killian answered smugly.

"You wanna put money on that?"

"Money, I've got...This...this I'm going to do for fun."

-TTIHAY-

Henry glared at the guy from across the courtyard who was just ogling the girl of his dreams. "Who's that guy?"

"Oh that's Killian Jones," Robin answered. "He's a jerk off. And a model."

"He's a model?"

Robin nodded. "Mostly regional stuff. He's rumored to have a tube sock ad coming out. It's supposed to be pirate themed."

That made Henry laugh. "Really?"

"Really."

At that moment, Violet and Ariel walked past the two boys, not paying them any mind. However, Henry was suddenly distracted all over. "Man, look at her."

Robin looked, but was not seeing the same thing his friend saw. "Is she always so vapid?"

"How can you say that? She's totally-"

"Conceited?"

"What are you talking about?" Henry exclaimed, not believing him for a second. "There's more to her than you think. I mean, look at the way she smiles. And look at her eyes. She's totally pure. I mean, you're missing what's there."

Robin disagreed. "No Henry. No. What's there is a snotty little princess wearing a strategically planned sundress to make guys like us realize we can never touch her, and guys like-" he stopped, seeing Killian walk up to the girls. "Killian realize they want to. She, my friend, is what we'll spend the rest of our lives not having. Put her in the spank bank. Move on."

"No," came the defiant response.

"Move on, Henry."

"No, you're wrong about her. I mean, you know, not about the spanking part," Henry admitted sheepishly, "But the rest. You're wrong."

"Oh I'm wrong? You wanna take a shot? Be my guest. She's actually looking for a French tutor," Robin added teasingly.

"Are you serious?" Henry said with an open mouthed grin. "That's perfect!"

"You speak French?" Robin said incredulously.

"Well, no. But I will."

-TTIHAY-

Regina and her best friend Marian walk towards her car in the school parking lot in a deep-rooted conversation, before they are interrupted by Killian's sports car as it pulls up beside them. "Hey your little Rambo look is out, Reg. Didn't you read last month's Cosmo?" he said.

"Run along," she answered, barely paying him any mind, pulling Marian along with her as they keep walking.

Further ahead of them, stood Violet and Ariel, immersed in a conversation of their own.

"I know you can be overwhelmed. You can be underwhelmed. But can you ever just be whelmed?" Ariel questioned, twirling her hair with a finger in clear distress.

Violet seriously pondered the question. "I think you can in Europe?"

Killian pulled up beside them. "Hey ladies. Would you sweet young things like a ride?"

They look at each other briefly, shrugging with grins as they climb into his car. "Alright, careful on the leather," he admonishes.

Across the way, Regina and Marian watch the scene unfold, as they sit in Regina's car.

"Well that's a charming new development," Marian stated.

"It's disgusting."

As Regina is about to put her car into drive, Robin motor scooter's his way in front of her car by accident, making her roll her eyes and shout, "Remove head from sphincter, then drive!"

Robin huffs, regains control of his scooter, and scoots over to where Henry was standing.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just a minor encounter with the shrew," Robin explained, why he ever had a crush on that girl in freshman year is beyond him. "Your girlfriend's sister."

Henry's eyes widened. "That's Violet's sister?"

"Mhmm, the mewling, rampalian wretch herself," Robin nodded, before waving his goodbye to his new friend, "Stay cool bro."

Henry, distracted, barely muttered his response as he tried to figure out how to utilize this new information he has received to his advantage.

-TTIHAY-

Regina sat in her living room, as she rifled through some emails on her laptop. Looking up to the doorway when she heard footsteps come nearer. Smiling when she saw her loving, albeit obsessively overprotective mother. Cora Mills.

"Hello Regina," she smiled back. "Make anyone cry today?"

She grinned. "Sadly no, but it's only four-thirty."

That response made her mother grin proudly. She was about to respond but stopped at the sound of her other daughter, "Hello mama."

She hugged Violet tightly. "Hello precious."

"And where have you been?" Regina snarked at her younger sister.

Violet glared, pulling away from her mother so she could plop down on the couch. "Nowhere."

Cora ignored her always bickering daughters, as she sorted through their newest set of mail, squinting as she pulled one of interest, "What's this? It says Sarah Lawrence?"

Regina ran across the room, snatched the letter from her mother and tore it open. "Oh my god! I got in!"

Cora smiled tightly. "Honey, that's great. But isn't Sarah Lawrence over seven hours away?"

"Thus the basis of its appeal."

"I thought we decided you were gonna stay here like me. Be a Husky?" the older woman said, hopefully.

"No," Regina sighed. "You decided."

"Oh okay. So you just pick up and leave, is that it?" Cora exasperated.

Violet perked up. "Let's hope so."

Regina glared, but then smiled remembering the dirt she had, "Ask Violet who drove her home."

"Do not change the subject-" Cora stopped, processing the words. "Drove? Who drove you home?" she turned to her youngest.

"Now don't get upset, mama. But there's this boy…"

"Who's a flaming imbecile," the older sister remarked.

"...and I think he might ask me…"

"Please," Cora rolled her eyes, evidently it's a genetic trait. "I think I know what he's going to ask you. And I think I know the answer: No. It's always no. What are the house rules? Number one, no dating until you graduate. Number two, no dating until you graduate. That's it."

"Mama, that's so unfair," Violet whined.

"Alright you wanna know what's unfair? This is for you too," the mother said, pointing at Regina. "This morning I delivered a set of twins to a 15 year old girl. Do you know what she said to me?"

"I'm a crack-whore who should have made my sleazy boyfriend wear a condom?" Violet said sarcastically.

Cora paused, somewhat impressed with the response but shook her head. "Close. But no. She said, 'I should. Have. Listened. To my mother.'"

"She did not," Violet argued.

"Well that's what she would've said if she weren't so doped up," Cora replied, matter of factly.

"Can we focus on me for a second please? I'm the only girl in school who's not dating."

The mother was quick to shoot down the complaint smugly with a point of her finger, "Well that's not true. Your sister doesn't date."

"And I don't intend to," Regina stated, smirking.

"And why is that again?" Cora said, pleased.

"Have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to that school?"

Violet gaped incredulously. "Where did you come from? Planet Loser?"

"As opposed to planet 'look at me! Look at me!'?" the brunette threw back, while flipping her hair mockingly.

Cora saw an opportunity and waved her hands about to stop her children's bickering. "Okay, here's how we solve this one. Old rule out...new rule: Violet can date..." she began. Violet brightens at the statement. "...When Regina does."

The younger girl scowls once again, "But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?"

"Then you'll never date," the mother answered immediately with a grin. Ooh I like that. "And I'll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a mother whose daughter's aren't out being impregnated or felt up."

Satisfied with the new rule changes, Cora turns to exit the room, but pointing a finger at Regina as she did so. "We'll talk about Sarah Lawrence later."

"Fine."

"But mama!" Violet starts.

"I gotta go, sweetie," Cora says, pulling her jacket off the rack and heading out the front door.

Now alone with her sister, Violet turns her desperation over to her, "Can't you find some weirdo to take you to the movies so I can have just one date?"

"I'm sorry," Regina replied, quite unapologetically. "Looks like you'll just have to miss out on the witty repartee of Killian 'eat me' Jones."

"You suck."

-TTIHAY-

Henry sat nervously in the tutoring room, as he awaited Violet's arrival. He was successfully scheduled to tutor her in French.

Abruptly Violet sat before him, "Okay, can we make this quick? Belle and Gaston are having an incredibly horrendous public break-up on the quad. Again."

"Oh yeah, um," Henry started, "I thought we could start with pronunciation, if that's alright with you."

"Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part. Please."

He nodded, working up the courage for his next sentence, "Well, there is an alternative… French food? We could eat some together. Saturday night?"

Violet looked amused. "You're asking me out? That's so cute. What's your name again?"

Embarrassed, he continues, "Uh Henry… Listen, I know that your mom doesn't let you date. But I thought that if it was for French class it-"

"Oh, wait a minute, Hank-"

"Henry."

She ignored him. "My mom actually just came up with a new rule. I can date, when my sister does."

"You're kidding!" he smiled. "Well let me ask you, do you like sailing ? 'Cause I read about this place that rents out boats-"

"A beaucoup problemo, Han. In case you haven't heard, my sister's a particularly hideous breed of loser."

He stopped, contemplating. "Oh yeah. I noticed she's a little antisocial. Why is that?"

Violet shrugged. "Unsolved mystery. She used to be really popular, and then it was like...she got sick of it. Or something. There is a bet as to why, but I'm pretty sure she's just incapable of human interaction," she paused then shrugged. "Plus, she's a bitch."

"Well yeah, but I'm sure, you know, that there's lots of people who wouldn't mind going out with a... difficult woman… it would be like extreme dating."

"You think you could find someone that extreme?" Violet asked, not believing it to be true.

Henry grinned. "Yeah, sure, why not?"

-TTIHAY-

"You said what?" Robin practically yelled.

"I'm gonna find a date for her sister," Henry shrugged. Scanning the quad for possible candidates. "Any ideas?"

"It is pointless, no one will go out with her. They'd have to literally have no care for their own life. Or have a criminal background."

That gave Henry an idea. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

-TTIHAY-

The duo entered the current Biology lab that was in progress, Henry pointing at the blond girl sitting in the back of the class with her lab partner, as they hacked away at their dissected frogs.

"What about her?" Henry asked, innocently.

Robin studied the girl, watching as she pulled out a butterfly knife and impaled her frog violently with it. He instantly paled, "Her? No, no. Don't look at her, okay? I know I said we'd need a criminal, but I was kidding," he continued. "I heard she lit a state trooper on fire. She just did a year in San Quentin."

Henry laughed. Is this what people thought of his sister? "Well if that's true, then at least we know she's horny."

"I'm serious, she's whacked. She sold her own liver on the black market for a new set of speakers," he exclaimed as loudly as he could without Emma hearing them.

The girl, still oblivious to their presence, took out a cigarette and used the Bunsen burner next to her lab partner to light it.

"She's our girl," Henry said confidently. If anyone could handle this Regina chick, it was his badass older sister.