Meredith opens her eyes to an ocean. A blue, sparkling ocean. She watches the waves and listens as they crash gently on the shore as she wiggles her toes and feels the soft, warm sand beneath her feet. She looks down to see she's dressed in a flowy, comfortable white blouse and loose-fitting jeans, cuffed at the ankle as the soft breeze gently pulls her hair. Taking in a deep breath, she catches a whiff of fresh Seattle breeze with a hint of cologne and freezes.
'I know this place,' she thinks as thoughts of ferryboats and elevators run through her head.
Tears fill her eyes as she remembers where this place is, what this place means. She freezes as she hears a voice call out her name. She would recognize that voice anywhere, but there was no way he could be here. What would he be doing here?
Turning slightly to look around, she hears the voice again, a little louder than the previous time, coming from behind her. She turns and stands up as her eyes widen at the sight of a figure in the distance, walking towards her through the pale sand.
"Oh my god," She stands up as the figure stops, waving their arms in the air. Raising a hand to her chest in shock she chokes back a sob.
"Meredith!" He calls again. Even from this distance she can see the bright smile on his face.
"Derek," She whispers. She blinks once, twice; but he still stands there, waving his arms again.
She feels frozen in place, unable to move from her spot. Blinking the tears from her eyes, she yells the first thing that comes to her mind. "I miss you!"
"I know," he calls back, sporting his signature McDreamy grin. He takes a couple steps forward, arms slightly outstretched towards her. Suddenly she's running, tears blurring her vision as they stream down her face. She almost trips a few times as she runs but doesn't stop; doesn't look back.
She stops a few paces in front of him, afraid he will disappear before she can reach him. He freezes too, a slight look of confusion on his face.
"Derek?" She whimpers out. "H-how? Why are you here?" He smiles warmly at her.
"I told you, I'm always gonna show up." At that she leapt into his arms. Derek holds her tight as Meredith shakes in his arms. She sighs as she breathes in his familiar scent. She always used to say he smelled like the Seattle breeze from the top of a ferryboat. She pulls away, and stares into his eyes for a moment.
"I love you," she whispers.
"I love you too." He brings a hand up and wipes the tears from Meredith's eyes. She leans into his hand as he uses it to tip her head up. Their lips met and it was like nothing else mattered. It started off soft, timid. She closed her eyes and poured her heart into this kiss; all her love, longing, regret from the past 4 years. They kissed like it was the first and last time.
Slowly, they parted. Derek's hand never left Meredith's face as they continued to gaze at each other. She grinned, unable to mask her happiness. It was perfect, even after all these years, and she knew this is where she is supposed to be. She tried not to think about why she was here, why this was happening. The smile slowly fell from her face as she thought about the reality.
"Derek, there was - is - so much I've wanted to tell you, I've missed you so much." She sighed and grabbed his hand, tears filling her eyes once again. "What's happening? Why am I - why are we here?"
"Let's not worry about that now," he said softly. He grabbed her hand and they walked over to a log to sit down on. They sat side by side, just soaking each other in. Meredith's head lay on Derek's shoulder as they held hands and watched the sunset.
"I had a baby. A little girl, Ellis." she whispered.
"I know," Meredith whips her head up to look at Derek "She's beautiful, just like you."
"You know? What, are you spying on me now?"
"Sometimes, when we're in the same place I can feel you. It's weird, but it's like you are right there with me. I was there when she was born," he trailed off. "So, I'm not really spying on you, Meredith remembered this. She thought back to when she drowned. Denny mentioned something like this, and she had freaked out, saying she couldn't do that, just getting a whiff of Derek. She wanted to be there, she wanted to live. Thinking about how Derek must have felt, how he still must feel, she broke down sobbing.
"I'm sorry for leaving you, for leaving all of you. I told you I wanted a lifetime with you, to die in your arms at 110." He rubbed her hair. "I wanted a family with you, and I left. I'm sorry Meredith."
"No, I'm sorry Derek! If I had done something more, insisted they did something more, we wouldn't be here! We'd be taking our family for a ride in the ferryboats. We would be waking up together. We'd be having tea parties with Zola and Ellis and playing sports with Bailey. We would just be us."
"It's okay Mer, I don't blame you." She searched his eyes for any hint of blame, of anger, but found none. Instead she saw longing and sorrow in his eyes. "I love you." he smiled.
"I love you." She wanted nothing more than to stay in this moment forever, to forget about all her worries and insecurities and fears and just be here with Derek. But with Derek she felt safe, she knew he would listen, that he would understand. Looking at him, she knew she could not hide anything from him. Fear and doubt crept into her mind and she looked away from his eyes and back to the ocean.
"What is it Mer?" He asked gently.
"Derek, I'm scared," she whimpered. "I don't want to forget you, I don't want to forget this,"
"You told me if I got Alzheimer's and forget who you are, you'd be by my side everyday telling me who you are. But you're not here, what am I supposed to do?" She cried.
"I am here Meredith. I'm right here. Don't worry about that, you won't forget, I promise."
"How can you promise that? You don't-"
"I don't break my promises Mer, you just have to trust me." She took a deep breath and leaned back on him. She studied his hands for a moment, until a beeping noise interrupted her thoughts.
"What was that? That beep?" Derek just shook his head slightly. She felt a tug in her gut and watched as the sky began to dim. The sound of the waves faded so all she could hear was the two of them breathing and the beeping noise which was slowly getting louder.
"What's happening? Derek?"
"It's okay," he said, his smile falling slightly. "You have to go back now, take care of the kids
"I can't do this without you! I can't-" he cuts her off.
"It's okay Meredith. I'll always be here; I'll wait for you." He squeezes her tight, burying his face on the top of her head.
"But what about you? I can't leave you." She sobs. He leans back and caresses her face with both hands, rubbing his thumb on her cheek.
"I'll be fine Meredith. You go, I'll be fine." He leans in and kisses her again. She closes her eyes, trying to prevent the tears that threaten to spill once again, as the world fades out.
Meredith wakes up to a constant beeping and a slight pressure on her face. Frowning slightly, she feels tears well up behind her closed eyelids. A tear slides down her cheek as she opens her eyes and sees grey walls instead of an ocean. She smells antiseptic and clean hospital sheets instead of Seattle breeze and cologne. Instead of lips on her own, an oxygen mask covers her mouth.
"Meredith?"
She closes her eyes and wishes for the beach.
It is up to you who comes in at the end, I hope you liked this! Title is from the song Somewhere Only We Know by Keane, which I listened to as I wrote this. There is about half an hour until 17x03 comes out and I wanted to get this out before then, before the episode can influence what I had started to write so I've been writing during the commercials during Station 19