I had planned on skipping class after lunch to see Gai, who had fallen ill over the weekend due to a training session with his father gone wrong. I was headed out of the academy, only for Kakashi to suddenly block my path.
The silvernette looked annoyed, something that only intensified as I tried scooting around him. "Don't try to walk away from me."
I sighed deeply. "Look, Kakashi, I have places to go, things to see. I can't do that with you blocking the way."
"Tou-san wanted me to invite you over to dinner," Kakashi said, sounding as if he was forcing himself to say those words.
"I decline," I replied immediately.
Kakashi's brow furrowed as he looked at me. "Why?"
I put my hands on my hips, giving the shorter boy a look. "Really? After you kicked me? You think I'm ever going to trust you at a dinner table again?"
Kakashi flushed a bit as he was reminded of his childish actions. "Okay, fine. I won't kick you if you don't flirt with Tou-san."
"Which brings up the next point. Why, exactly, would I want to come over after Sakumo-sama made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me?" I asked.
Kakashi looked at me in confusion.
"He was avoiding me for two weeks," I clarified for the boy.
Kakashi's face scrunched up in sorrow. "That's… He's always like that this time of year…" His black eyes looked away from me as he gently, and awkwardly, rubbed his left arm.
"Oh…" I remained silent for a moment before deciding that I wouldn't let my curiosity get the best of me. "Well, in any case, I still shouldn't come."
Kakashi gave me a look of confusion. "Why? I thought you liked Tou-san."
"I do," I admitted.
"Then, what's the problem?" Kakashi pressed.
I sighed deeply. "It's… complicated."
"How?" He inquired.
"You'll understand one day, just not today," I said as I patted his head before moving past him.
Kakashi began to follow after me like a little duckling. "Explain it to me so I understand."
"Another time, perhaps," I said as I opened the doors to the academy.
Kakashi stopped at the threshold, obviously frowning. "You're skipping again?"
"Yep," I confirmed as I gave a lazy wave over my shoulder.
Kakashi didn't say anything as he watched me leave the academy grounds.
I walked through the streets of Konoha lazily until coming across the Maito residence. I politely knocked on the door, staring up as it almost immediately opened.
Maito Dai looked down at me, smiling brightly. "Hello there, kid! What can I do for you?!"
"May I see Gai?" I asked politely.
Dai hesitated. "As much as I'd like to say yes, I don't want his sickness spreading to his friends."
I pursed my lips in dissatisfaction. "But I'm his best friend. Best friends have to visit each other when one is sick."
Dai cracked upon hearing that I was Gai's best friend. "Oh, alright, but only for a few minutes, okay?"
I nodded as Dai let me into his house and walked me up to Gai's room. I entered it and immediately walked over to Gai's side. "How are you feeling?"
Gai, who was under about a million blankets, groaned as he cracked his eyes open to see me. "Tenrō?"
"Yeah," I approved, "Obito would have come, too, but he needed to stay to make up a test."
Gai hummed softly before letting out a cough.
I stared down apathetically before sighing deeply. "Look, Gai, don't try swimming at night with training weights again. It'll always make you sick."
"But I-"
"Youth is always ready to shine, yes, but if it hurts you in the process, can it really be called youth?" I questioned.
Gai thought about it for a moment before looking away. "I suppose not…"
"Exactly," I approved before patting his head gently. "Now, get well soon. Obito and I miss you."
Gai gave me a bright smile. "I'll get better in no time at all!"
"Excellent!" I chirped as I held up my thumb, the light glinting off of my teeth. I then turned heel and excused myself from his room.
Dai walked me out to the front door before suddenly kneeling down to my height. "Thank you for being Gai's friend. I can tell you're a good kid at heart."
I snorted as I looked back at him. "I'm not a good kid. I'll never be a good kid." I then took my leave and casually headed through the streets. I ended up at a dango shop and ordered a large plate. I then sat down and began eating them, swinging my feet back and forth as the seat I was on was too big for me. I wish I could meet Itachi and eat dango with him. I'll probably die before that can happen, with the war coming up in a few years and all.
Yep. Depression kicks in at the best of times. Please note the sarcasm.
I sighed deeply as I put down a stick of dango. "Maaah…" Just before I got to complain about how I missed my old life, someone sat down across the table from me. I looked up with a disgusted expression.
Orochimaru smiled at me in his usual jônin attire, meaning he didn't want to talk politics.
"Excuse me, but I was enjoying my alone time," I said as I continued to give the man a disgusted look.
"Oh, yes. I could tell by your heavy sigh that you were relishing your alone time with your depressing thoughts," he shot back with a sarcastic smile.
"Okay, first of all, I am the sass king. Don't make me tell you again." I gave the man a narrowed-eye look. "Second off, if I want alone time, it means leave me alone. Finally, who the fuck are you to say that I don't get off on sighing heavily while thinking of depressing things like no dango and my inevitable death?"
Orochimaru blinked at me. "You get off on that? I took you as a sadistic little kid with a rather large liking for sexual humor."
I snickered. "Okay, fine, you got me. I'm a sadistic little shit with a rather large liking for sexual humor and dead baby jokes."
Orochimaru's brow furrowed. "Dead baby jokes?"
I nodded. "How many babies does it take to paint a wall?"
The man contemplated it for a moment before saying, "I don't know."
"It depends on how hard you throw them," I said with a wide grin.
The man took a second to understand my joke before chuckling softly. "The blood of the babies is the paint. I never would have thought of that."
"Okay, next joke, how many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?" I asked with a giddy expression.
Orochimaru's brow furrowed before shrugging.
"Not three. My basement's still dark," I said.
Orochimaru shook his head, though the smirk pulling his lips back told me he enjoyed it.
"Last one: Why did the monkey fall from the tree?" I questioned.
Orochimaru thought about it for a moment before answering, "It heard your terrible jokes."
"Actually, it was dead," I replied somberly.
The snake sage blinked once before putting his right hand to his face. He began laughing, hard.
8.5/10 would smash now that I've seen his genuine smile and heard a genuine - and not at all pedophilic - laugh, I thought as I began to smile.
Everyone in the dango shop turned around to look at the man before looking at me, who was grinning like a demented little shit. They then shrugged it off and went back to eating their dango and drinking their tea.
"Tenrō, I want you to make a book of dark jokes and hand-deliver it to me," Orochimaru said while still snickering.
I nodded. "It shall be done."
"Excellent," he approved as he finally calmed down.
I took a bite of my dango before offering him one.
The man denied it politely.
"Ah, that's right. You like eggs the best," I said absentmindedly.
Orochimaru looked startled. "How did you…?"
I blinked once. "Did you know you have a fanbase?"
"I… did not know that," the sage admitted.
"I'm a part of it," I said.
The man looked mildly interested, but mainly disturbed.
I made a serious face as I said, "Your genuine laughter belongs to me and me alone."
"You're a creepy little kid when you want to be," Orochimaru realized.
I couldn't even argue because that statement was 100% truthful.
"Now then, I have a request that I must make of you," the man said as he folded his hands in front of himself, placing them on the table.
"I'm listening…" I said slowly.
"I want you to pick up your grades enough so that you won't be failed by the newest principal that will be in charge of the school," Orochimaru stated.
"Well, it depends on the new principal," I replied with a shrug.
"His name is Umino Ikkaku," Orochimaru said, and I nearly had to do a double-take because that was the name of Iruka's father. "He may seem like an easy-going man when he's around his family, but he's very stern when it comes to those he doesn't know."
"So, basically, he's going to stick to the rules and make it so that everyone does their part in the school, right?" I asked, earning a firm nod of approval. I gave a grin as I sat back. "Very well. I shall pick up my grades and make sure my pupils do so as well."
"Pupils?" Orochimaru repeated questioningly.
I nodded. "Come to the training ground next to the memorial stone after school releases. You'll see me train one of my pupils then."
The man obviously made a mental note before glancing toward the hawk flying in the sky. He looked back down at me and said, "I'll have to be going now."
I nodded once. "Have fun with your meeting."
The man gave an amused smirk before leaving my table and going on his merry way.
I decided to devour my dango before anyone else could interrupt me. I then, with my stomach so full I could puke, left the establishment and walked slowly through the streets.
Konoha was peaceful and quiet just as always.
I eventually began to notice how many people were with their significant others and children, if they had any, and felt bitterness gnaw at my heart. I decided to leave that place and headed out to the training field by the memorial stone.
Meditation was never a strong point of mine, but if it meant expanding my chakra little by little, then it had to be done.
Of course, two hours of sitting and trying to focus on your chakra makes one extremely bored.
I opened my eyes and stood up, too bored to continue focusing on the fuzzy feeling in my gut. "Maaah… Life is boring."
Silence greeted me in reply. There wasn't even the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees, though that may have been because there was no wind.
I threw my head back, releasing a silent scream. Once I had used up all of my lung power, I flopped over onto my side. I closed my eyes as I laid sprawled out on the ground.
It took an entire twenty minutes before something appeared.
Orochimaru had shown up, though he remained hidden in a tree.
Obito ran into the clearing two minutes later. "Master! I'm here!"
Finally, something to entertain me, I thought as I opened my eyes, looking at the boy lazily.
"I'll start my warmup!" Obito announced loudly before getting into it.
I begrudgingly pushed myself to my feet and began to do my own half-assed warmups. As I was doing a side lunge, Obito gave me a curious expression.
"What am I going to do now that Gai is sick?" The Uchiha inquired.
"We're going to spar," I replied with a bright smile.
Obito's face fell. "But - but we did sparring three days ago…"
"I know," I said as I got into my half-assed fighting position.
Obito looked rather depressed as he got into the standard defense position.
I took in a deep breath through my nose and released it from my mouth. I then allowed myself to become serious.
Obito waited patiently for five minutes. Then, he ran at me with a fist drawn back.
I moved to redirect his fist, only for him to drop down and swing his feet at my unguarded legs. I was almost impressed, but that went out the window as I jumped up and kicked him in the face.
Needless to say, his face was unguarded, and he went flying backwards.
I sighed as I landed. "We've talked about this Obito… You always need your head guarded."
"How was I supposed to know you do flying kicks?!" The boy shrieked at me as he cupped his bloodied nose.
I gave the boy an unamused look.
The Uchiha shrunk back. "Okay, I get it. Expect the unexpected."
I nodded once before getting back into position. I internally sighed at how he got up within punching range before deciding to teach him a lesson. I sent my right fist forward and then hit his forehead.
As Obito was sent flying back a meter or two, the sennin hidden very clearly displayed just how bored he was with a flickering chakra.
I gave an internal sigh. I wasn't getting any ground that day, and I was feeling quite annoyed.
Obito sat up, clutching his forehead where a red mark was already evident. "That hurt, you ass!"
I gave Obito a surprised look, as I had never heard the boy curse before. I then gave a manic grin as his curse word echoed around the otherwise silent area. "You think you're worthy enough to use that language in my presence?"
Obito immediately began to reevaluate every single life choice that brought him to where he was at that moment in time. He slowly stood up before giving me a glare. "As a matter of fact, I do! You're a complete and utter dick!"
I gave a pleased noise as if I was at the height of pleasure. I then clenched my hands into fists as they sat by my side. "Alrighty! Then, allow me to show you just who you enticed into a true fight!"
Obito was obviously dealing with internal panic as my eyes widened, my grin turning malicious. He quickly got into a defensive stance, signaling that he was ready for the beatdown of a lifetime.
I pushed off the ground and appeared before the boy who didn't even get the chance to blink in surprise. I got low as if I were going to punch him, only to whip my feet around and kick his legs out from under him. I used my hands to stabilize myself as I continued to rotate my body around. I whipped my legs around in a full circle before nailing Obito's gut with my legs, sending the boy flying.
He, who was bent in half, ended up bouncing off his back, only to immediately end up face-first in the ground. He bounced once more before his speed lowered enough to a roll. He immediately puked up his lunch before looking at me with fear in his eyes. "I-I'm sorry, Master!"
I gave a single bark of laughter. "You think a pitiful apology such as that one will earn my mercy?!" I felt nothing but the blood pumping in my ears as I yelled, "I'll teach you the true meaning of pain!"
"No, wait, I'll pay for my own ramen bills for a week!" Obito said as he immediately jumped to his feet, looking positively delectable when it came to his fear.
I lunged at him, warranting a shriek of fear. Before I could touch the boy, my side was kicked hard enough to send me off course. I ended up slamming my shoulder in one of the stumps, only to feel a great amount of pain radiating from that location a second later. I snapped my head to the side, only to see Kakashi of all people. "Bitch-"
"You're coming with me to dinner! No exceptions!" Kakashi interrupted, an evil look in his eyes that didn't belong to a mere academy student. "I won't let you make Tou-san upset anymore!"
"Then you must beat me in hand-to-hand combat!" I announced.
Kakashi immediately took up an offensive taijutsu stance.
I cackled as I began to run at the boy, only for Obito to come swinging his fist out of right field. I ducked under the punch and then jumped, sending Obito recoiling as my head connected with his chin.
"My tooone!" Obito screeched as he stuck out his heavily bleeding tongue. Obviously, the moron bit it. Why he had his tongue sticking out while charging at me was anyone's guess.
I ignored him in favor of watching Kakashi run at me with a strong determination in his eyes. I got low, looking like I would meet the boy head-on before suddenly jumping to the side. I watched Kakashi's eyes widened in shock at my speed. I then had the pleasure of slamming my fist into his side, sending him flying.
Kakashi crashed into Obito, and the two rolled across the ground before coming to a stop in front of the memorial stone.
I went after the two immediately.
Kakashi suddenly glanced up at me, only to pause as he looked past me.
Before I could punch either one of the two boys, the back of my shirt was suddenly grabbed tightly. I was plucked right out of the air and held up by the back of my shirt. I grit my teeth angrily as I glared over my shoulder at the fool who interrupted my fun.
"What are you doing to my friend's son?" Orochimaru asked with a smile, his eyes very clearly radiating his malice.
"What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?" I asked rhetorically.
"Beating him up," the snake sage stated.
"I'm teaching him a lesson," I retorted with a small huff.
He raised a black eyebrow before turning me toward a newcomer I hadn't even noticed. "Boys these days are more violent than we were."
Sakumo nodded as if agreeing with that statement.
"I wouldn't have gotten that riled up if your son hadn't dislocated my shoulder!" I yelled at the older Hatake.
Sakumo was on me like white on rice. "He what?!"
I slipped out of my baggy shirt and landed on my feet, internally cringing at how much my shoulder hurt now that the adrenaline was dying down. I looked up at Orochimaru and Sakumo before realizing something was wrong. "I didn't break my shoulder, did I?"
"Why do you have those scars on your chest?" Sakumo asked gently, despite the obvious look of malice in his eyes.
I felt my color drain out of me as I realized that I hadn't worn anything under my baggy shirt, meaning the burn wounds on my chest were visible.
"Oh, is that what's on his back?" Obito asked stupidly.
I looked back at Obito with an annoyed expression. "Don't tell them more than they need to know."
Obito realized he had fucked up.
I looked back at the adults, only to nearly jump at how close Orochimaru's face was to my face. "Personal space, my dude…"
"You are either going to tell us what those burns are from, or I am going to take you to Inosuke's office," Orochimaru threatened.
Ahhh… That would be most troublesome, I thought as I was immediately reminded of the Yamanaka's mind jutsu. "Weeelllll, let's just say Punishment wasn't always a mere spanking."
Murderous intentions flared in Sakumo's eyes. With a cold voice, he said, "Punishment courtesy of that woman, I assume."
"You'd be correct," I replied with a single nod.
"Orochimaru, stay here-"
"Could you not?" I interrupted, causing Sakumo to pause before his war path to the Uchiha compound could even start. "It'll give me a major headache having to explain Punishment."
"What if she does it to another child?" Sakumo asked darkly.
"Well unless she has another illegitimate child, I don't think that'll happen," I replied honestly.
"That's why she burned you?!" The Hatake was clearly ready to explode with anger.
Wow, I am really fucking up, I internally noted before flicking my eyes to the side. "I don't want to get into it."
Before Sakumo could object, Orochimaru nodded. "We can respect that. However, you have to go to the hospital to get that shoulder looked at."
"Oh, I can pop it into place. I've done it before," I chirped excitedly, "Wanna see?"
"Yeah!" Obito chirped before one of the adults could disagree.
I whirled around, grabbed the wrist of my injured arm, and put it straight out in front of me before yanking hard. I felt the ball of the arm bone pop back into its socket in the shoulder. I wanted to scream, but I knew being a little bitch wasn't going to get me anywhere. I therefore gave a grin at Obito's obvious amazement. "See? Not that hard!"
Sakumo was immediately on my ass. "You could have damaged your muscles or the tissue-"
"I didn't realize Tsunade was here," I said with a roll of my eyes.
"Bad, bad decision," Orochimaru said, amusement clear in his tone.
"Oh, you want Tsunade?" Sakumo asked threateningly before grabbing my uninjured arm. He gave Orochimaru a look that clearly screamed how he'd be back. He then disappeared in a puff of smoke, taking me along with him. He appeared in the waiting room of the hospital and marched me right up to the reception desk.
"Shit. Fuck. May God damn your handsome ass," I cursed before pausing. I glanced over at said ass before wondering how dead I would be if I assessed its firmness firsthand. Before I could even begin moving my hand to pinch the booty, I was whirled around to face Sakumo's angry expression. "Uh, hi."
"You're going to tell them exactly what you did," he said, clearly not bullshitting in the slightest.
I blinked stupidly, obviously not knowing how to deal with the cold wrath that came with his words. "Um, okay."
He gave a firm nod before having me face one of the receptionists.
"Kakashi popped my shoulder out of the socket so I fixed it," I said.
The woman took one look at my face before asking, "Aren't you that Uchiha Demon that can't come in here anymore?"
Sakumo leaned down and leveled his face with hers. "Would you like to repeat that?"
If I was her, I would have been shitting bricks. Thankfully, I wasn't her, so I got to internally fanboy about that low tone of voice which held quite a bit of malicious intent.
"I-I… I mean..." The nurse stuttered out, her eyes wide in terror.
"Look, it's cool," I said to Sakumo, "I've already fixed it."
"Why isn't he allowed here?" Sakumo growled at the woman.
"...Restraining order," she mumbled out hesitantly.
I snickered before Sakumo glanced down at me, causing me to immediately fess up. "I, er, had a restraining order against me because one of the doctors thought I was too… appreciative of his services. The restraining order ended up flopping on its face due to a lack of evidence, but I still got banned from the hospital."
"How long ago was this?" Sakumo asked.
I gave a single-shoulder shrug. "Three years."
"And they still have you blacklisted?" Sakumo didn't wait for an answer. He instead turned to glare daggers at the receptionist. "You so-called nurses and doctors are afraid of a child's advancements? What kind of scum are you?"
"But he's a demon," the receptionist objected as she glanced down at me.
"He's… a… child," Sakumo hissed venomously at the woman.
"Sakumo-sama, people are staring," I pointed out to the silvernette. "I don't like being the center of a scene."
"We're not leaving until you get proper medical treatment," Sakumo declared loudly.
"Your son is waiting for you," I pointed out.
"Kakashi has Orochimaru, and they get along just fine," the White Fang waved off nonchalantly.
I looked up at the man incredulously. "Really?"
"Yes," he approved as he kept his eyes on the receptionist.
I hummed before thinking it over. I never really thought of Orochimaru as the type to like children- Oh, wait. Never mind. I used to call him Pedosnake for a reason. I mean, there was him and Anko, him and Kabuto, him and Sasuke. He also twisted the Otogakure genin into doing his bidding, getting them killed in the process. Well, actually, Dosu was stupid and got himself killed by Gaara, but tomato-tomato.
"Why are you making all this ruckus Sakumo?!" A woman yelled angrily as she came stomping into the waiting room.
"They won't admit this child!" Sakumo yelled back, clearly just as angry as her.
"It's the Uchiha Demon!" The receptionist blurted out defensively.
"I don't see a demon," Tsunade said, her hands on her hips as her amber eyes scanned around the room before settling on me.
I gave an innocent smile at the blonde.
"Kid, what did you do to your shoulder?" Tsunade demanded to know.
"I popped it into the socket after it got dislocated," I admitted honestly.
Tsunade blinked once, registering what I said before saying with a sigh, "If that isn't a typical shinobi response, I don't know what is."
"Hear that, Sakumo-sama? I'm totally on the right path to being a shinobi!" I beamed up at the silvernette, who blanched in reply.
"Can you heal it properly?" Sakumo questioned as he ushered me away from the receptionist desk and toward Tsunade.
"Of course, I can. Come on brat," Tsunade demanded to know as she motioned for me to follow her.
I did so, and Sakumo was right on my tail. I was taken to an empty room and sat down on the single bed in the room. I watched as Tsunade's hand glowed green before it touched my shoulder gently. I paused upon feeling the warmth given off by her hand, as well as the soothing nature of the chakra. "Does all healing chakra feel like a warm, fuzzy blanket?"
Tsunade blinked in surprise. "You can feel it?"
Shit, I internally cursed, regretting my instinctual blabbermouth. "Uh, well, yeah. I can tell the difference between it and normal chakra, at least. I'm assuming there's a different feeling for natural chakra, too."
Tsunade looked impressed before explaining, "Most types of healing chakra feel this way, though it all depends on who's doing the healing."
I hummed, that making sense to me. "I can't tell the difference between people's normal chakra. Like, I know the chakra is this fuzzy feeling, but it doesn't have the warmth of the healing chakra to me."
She hummed before asking, "Can you feel the chakra inside yourself?"
"Yep," I answered, popping the 'p'. "You see, it's in my stomach area and spreads out from there whenever I use my chakra."
"Well, if you're already in tune with your chakra, you could become a great medic one day!" Tsunade said eagerly.
I snorted, knowing full-well I wouldn't have the time to become a medic before the inevitable war started. Instead of saying that, I simply replied, "I have no talent with people, and the people don't want a crude medic either."
"I could always give you a lesson in manners," the woman chirped, an evil glint in her eyes.
"I'm perfectly fine as I am, thank you," I denied, albeit very warily.
"Oh, come on kid. It's a waste of talent," Tsunade said with a frown.
"You didn't see Tobirama-sama getting shit for being a sensory shinobi when he could have been a medic," I retorted.
Tsunade blinked once before going, "But he was a medic."
I looked at her in shock. "Excuse me?"
"I mean, Hashi-jii-chan was the one known for medical jutsu, but it was Tobirama-ji-san that reverse engineered medical ninjutsu for others to learn," Tsunade explained.
"Yo, real shit?" I asked, my eyes still wide in shock.
"Er, yes?" She replied questioningly.
My mind had been blown. My shitty headcanon that Tobirama created the medical ninjutsu process had me shooketh.
I mean, I always suspected that Hashirama couldn't properly teach others medical ninjutsu, as he couldn't explain how he had discovered natural chakra, but for Tobirama, who many only saw as a mere sensory ninja, to discover how to break down the medical jutsu process based on his own brother's actions… Well, it shouldn't have been a shock, as he was an inventor and a great strategist as well as being a shinobi.
I hummed before accepting that this world I now lived in was a world filled with small details that didn't make into the manga series that I loved dearly. I then turned my attention to the two adults watching me and said, "That's cool."
Tsunade raised a brow. "That's all you have to say? Most people are yelling about how I have to be lying."
"Tobirama-sama is more than capable of reverse-engineering how Hashirama-sama uses a jutsu, especially when he was a man who was almost unrivaled in jutsu and speed," I replied curtly.
The woman gave a sudden smirk. "I like you, brat."
"I like you, too," I admitted.
"Therefore, I am going to ask without beating around the bush, who gave you those burns?" She demanded to know, her happiness turning into a serious demeanor faster that I could blink.
"Fuck," I cursed softly, knowing full-well that I couldn't weasel my way out of that situation.
"Well?" She demanded to know, her eyes piercing right through my soul. With her hand actually on my still slightly bruised shoulder, she gave me a chilling smile that reminded me she was a kunoichi before a medic.
"Ah, well, I, uh-" I looked at Sakumo for help.
"You tell her," he ordered, his arms crossed over his chest as he stood up straight.
Handsome bastard, I cursed in my mind before sighing deeply. "Okay, so the whore that is my biological mother may have tried killing me a few times as a kid."
"Excuse me?!" Tsunade screeched.
"I'm kidding," I said quickly, motioning for her to calm down. "She just put a few cigarettes out by using my skin."
The woman jumped up and away from me, cracking her knuckles. "When I get my hands on her-"
"Hey, man, relax," I interrupted, waving off her anger. "It won't happen to anyone else because that bitch specifically did it out of spite."
"And why would she spite her own child?!" The blonde demanded to know.
"For being born," I answered honestly, looking between the two cautiously. "Look, I'm sure you both know she used her sharingan on me-"
"Excuse me?" Tsunade interrupted as Sakumo cringed at the memory of the opening ceremony of the academy.
"Oh, well, when it was time for Punishment, she'd hit me and say mean words often. Then, things escalated one day when I was, like, three, and I ended up in the hospital that one time." I snickered as I remembered hitting on the doctor so much, he filed a restraining order against me and got me banned from the hospital. "Anyway, she also decided to use her sharingan against me while increasing my pain level dramatically by making me do things so her hands wouldn't get dirty."
"You mean she made you burn yourself?" Tsunade realized with absolute horror.
"Yeah, pretty much," I agreed while nodding.
Sakumo took in a deep breath through his nose before saying, "I'm going to the Hokage now."
"Um, no, you're not," I said as I gave the man a look. "You can't just expect me to spill my guts to every fucking person that asks, especially not when most of the Uchihas will stand against me for putting my own personal issues above the clan's."
"They're supposed to put the safety of the villagers above their own clan's reputation," Tsunade argued.
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please. We all know they're sectioned off from the village and feel slighted by Tobirama-sama. They've always been against the man in those regards, even if they were tasked with running the Konoha Police Force for the protection of the village."
The Slug Princess pursed her lips as Sakumo frowned deeply in the background.
"In any case," I said, looking toward Sakumo, "If you go and make a big deal out of this, the Uchihas will be seen as a horrid clan, and they'll probably lose quite a bit of traction when it comes to politics, and I don't want to get into just how fucked up my life will be if they all suffer for my inability to protect myself."
"I could adopt you," Sakumo offered.
I burst out laughing. "Oh, sweetie, I won't let you take away my freedom. I mean, I'm sure you're a nice father and all, but I really enjoy being able to live with only the rules I give myself."
"Don't you get lonely?" He asked gently.
I blinked once before asking, "Is the inevitably of death going to visit all of us one day?"
"That's dark, kid," Tsunade mumbled.
"Orochimaru likes my dark jokes," I said with a huff, turning my head away from the adults.
"You forget Orochimaru is a genius with a small hint of sadism," Tsunade chided.
Small? I thought while snickering, Say that to the people he experimented on.
"What's so funny?" She demanded to know.
I gave a shrug. "I mean, you don't have to be a genius to enjoy dark jokes."
The woman raised a brow before shrugging it off. She healed up the rest of my shoulder before saying, "It's going to remain bruised for the next few days, and you should be careful with it. That means no taijutsu practice, do you understand me?"
I nodded. "Yes, ma'am."
"Great. Now, you go with Sakumo, and I'll-"
"If you tell the Hokage about my injuries, that'll be a violation of your doctor-patient confidentiality, and you may not be able to return to the hospital again," I said as I slid off the bed, landing on my feet with no problems.
"You're a child, and this falls under child neglect, which makes this an exception to the doctor-patient confidentiality codes," the woman said as if I should have known, which I probably should have before speaking up.
I gave her an aggravated expression. "Fine, do as you wish. I'll just commit seppuku when the rest of my clan inevitably turns against me."
The woman frowned down at me. "Do I have to put you under surveillance?"
"The hospital doesn't have CPEP," I pointed out, causing her brow to furrow.
"CPEP?" She repeated.
"Comprehensive Psychiatric Emergency Program," I stated.
The blonde blinked before saying, "You… You know about psychiatric emergencies?"
"Yes, I know about mental breakdowns," I stated with a slight annoyance. "I watched my whore of a mother have them whenever things got increasingly fucked up.."
"Huh…" She quickly shook it off before sternly looking down at me. "In any case, you're staying the night with Sakumo so that I know you're not actually suicidal."
"No, I'd rather not," I denied.
She gave a sadistic smile. "You either stay with Sakumo or you stay with Orochimaru."
"I'll take Orochimaru," I said immediately.
Tsunade raised a brow before shrugging. "Your funeral." She actively ignored the wounded expression Sakumo was giving me, and I was ignoring it as well.
"I know," I replied, "But who can say they had a sleepover with Orochimaru?"
Both adults paused to think over my words.
Finally, Tsunade said, "Not even Jiraiya has stayed the night at Orochimaru's, so I guess you really would be the first."
I felt the utmost glee enter my system. "Oh, the things I will learn…"
Tsunade looked at me with a disturbed expression before shrugging it off. Deciding I was no longer her problem, she shooed Sakumo and I from the hospital room while giving us paperwork to fill out.
I filled it out on our way back to the receptionist area and handed it to the bitch that wouldn't emit me in the first place. I then merrily skipped out before realizing I still didn't have a shirt. I grabbed Sakumo's hand, causing the man to look down at me. "I, erm, don't want to walk through the streets without my shirt on."
The silvernette made a face of realization before picking me up in his arms. He made a single hand sign before disappearing in a puff of smoke. He appeared back in the training ground, where Orochimaru was watching Kakashi and Obito spar.
Obito was holding his own and actually overpowering Kakashi. Unfortunately, he lost focus upon us returning. He screamed my name excitedly, got tackled by Kakashi, and subsequently got pinned down to the ground. He scowled fiercely at the silvernette, almost looking threatening enough to make Kakashi waver.
Upon seeing his father, Kakashi decided to not waver and instead gave a cocky smirk. "You shouldn't let your guard down."
"Be quiet, Bakashi!" Obito demanded as he shoved the silvernette off of him, rather rudely if I may add. He left his opponent in the dirt and came rushing over to me. "Are you healed?!"
"Yes, Obito, I am healed," I said as I pointed to my arm that was only slightly bruised and tender.
"Cool! Did you meet any cute nurses?" He gave a sly grin as he elbowed me.
"No," I denied immediately.
"Bad luck, huh?" Obito patted my back sympathetically.
"You also have bad luck," I said, causing Obito to look at me curiously. "I'm not going to be home tonight and probably not going to be in school tomorrow."
Realizing that he would be separated from me for a whole 24 hours or so, Obito looked a bit nervous. The boy had, after a month of my subtle suggestions, ended up spending the night with me. He talked about his loneliness, and I once again offered that he move in with me, but he denied in favor of stuttering about how Rin smiled at him in the hallway the day prior.
"In any case, I would like my shirt back," I said as I looked at Orochimaru.
The man lazily held up my baggy shirt.
I walked over and put it on before looking up at the man with the utmost glee. "Hey, I get to sleep over at your house tonight."
Orochimaru immediately looked at Sakumo in betrayal.
"I offered, but he said he wanted you," Sakumo said with a shrug as if it wasn't really his fault.
Yellow, snake-like eyes narrowed before looking down at me, who smiled back happily. "You're sleeping on the couch. If you even come near my room, I will sick my summonings on you."
Ignoring how Sakumo was guffawing in the background about how 'that is inhumane and cruel,' we stared each other down.
I finally broke down, sighing heavily as I did so. "Very well… I shall not come near your room."
"Good," he approved with a nod.
"Obito, go tell the old man that ramen is on me. I'll pay him back tomorrow," I said, waving off Obito dismissively.
The Uchiha beamed at me before running from the training ground like his life depended on it. "Thanks! I owe you one!"
"Kakashi, if you ever interrupt my training session while I'm in that state of mind, I'm going to start hitting on your precious father again," I threatened.
"You mean the I'm-clinically-insane-and-willing-to-kill state of mind? Noted," Kakashi said in a dry tone that was far too reminiscent of Shippuden Kakashi before he found out Obito wasn't dead and in the I'm-clinically-insane-and-willing-to-kill state of mind.
"If you ever back-sass me again, I'll see your future favorite book series on fire," I threatened.
Kakashi raised a brow. "My future favorite book series?"
I nodded. "It will be your best friend in, like, seven years or so."
Kakashi gave me an odd look, one that the adults mirrored.
"I know almost everything about you, Kakashi," I said with a grin, one that probably didn't look right on the face of a chubby-cheeked child such as myself.
"Prove it. What's my favorite food?" Kakashi challenged.
Easy, I thought victoriously. "Your favourite foods are salt-broiled saury and eggplant-mixed miso soup, while your least favourites are anything fried - especially tempura - or sweet."
Kakashi looked greatly unsettled. "I- How do you know that?"
"You don't want to know," Orochimaru said before I explained to Kakashi that I didn't stalk children my age, as it was no fun.
Curiosity immediately burned inside of Kakashi's eyes as he looked at me.
"I do not stalk you, but I know people who do," I stated, causing Kakashi's face to morph into one of unadulterated horror.
"People stalk me?" He asked, obviously distressed.
"I lied," I said, soothing the boy, "I just heard rumors about you always avoiding sweets and fried things, so I made an educated guess about your dislikes."
"What about my likes?" Kakashi grumbled warily.
"Okay, so I assure you that the knowledge I just shared with this group is knowledge only this group knows. If anyone else knows it, I'll give you a free strip dance," I offered.
"A… strip dance?" Kakashi was visibly confused as his father sputtered in the background.
Orochimaru, the bastard, didn't allow me to explain what, exactly, a strip dance was. He instead put his hand on my head and said, "I hope you don't mind if we take our leave now. Tenrō has yet to eat his dinner."
Sakumo's eyes suddenly went wide. "I forgot the oven." He hastily picked up Kakashi and left in a puff of smoke.
I snickered at the man's misfortune, only to be roughly smacked. "Hey!" I yelled as I looked up at Orochimaru indignantly.
The man gave me a smile, as if he didn't just slap my head hard enough to nearly dislocate it from my spine. "Let's head back to my apartment."
"Okay~!" I agreed happily.
Orochimaru motioned for me to follow him, and I did so without question. "Tell me, Tenrō, what compelled you to ask to stay at my place?"
I gave a slow, reptilian blink. "Well, it was either sleeping with you or with Sakumo-sama-"
Orochimaru gave a single eye-twitch at my wording.
"-and as much as I love the Hatake, his son hates me with a fiery passion." I gave a deep sigh, wondering where I went wrong with Kakashi.
"Maybe if you didn't hit on his father-"
"Oh, come on. You subconsciously flirt with him, too," I snapped at the snake.
Yellow eyes looked down at me, giving me the most confused look I had ever seen. "Excuse me?"
"You get all touchy-feely when Sakumo-sama is around," I said confidently, my arms crossing over my chest. "And you smile more. I bet your heart rate also picks up, and-"
"Are you implying that I secretly love Sakumo?" Orochimaru asked, sounding surprised at my gall.
"You bet your snake summonings am," I approved with a single nod, just in case he ended up blanking my words out.
"You're the most twisted kid I think I've ever met." Orochimaru gave me a look of slight respect.
I snorted. Just wait until you hear about what Itachi does to Sasuke… That's the gift that keeps on giving… I broke down, cackling to myself while Orochimaru looked down at me warily.
"In any case, what do you want for dinner?" Orochimaru questioned, clearly not ready to open that can of worms as we drew closer to Konohagakure.
"I can go without food tonight," I said, waving him off.
Orochimaru frowned deeply. "Do you skip meals often?"
"Only when I feel extraordinarily depressed," I admitted with a shrug.
"You feel depressed?" Orochimaru asked with no little amount of surprise.
"Fuck," I cursed softly before looking up at the man. "You don't tell anyone I feel depressed, and I won't tell anyone about your labs."
Orochimaru stopped dead in his tracks, causing me to do the same. He slowly knelt down in front of me, his malicious smile returning as his eyes displayed that he already had several plans to make my death look like a complete accident. "You know about my labs?"
I had to take the situation seriously, and I knew it. I desperately wished I could have taken back my words, but it was too late for that. I knew I was getting an unholy shitstorm, especially when Orochimaru's face neared mine.
"Well?" He demanded to know, his words as sharp as kunais.
I shifted slightly, nervously, and replied with a forced smile, "Uh, yeah. I don't know where, exactly, they're located, but I do know they exist."
"How?" He demanded to know.
I gave a deep sigh. "You won't believe me even if I tell you."
"Tenrō, you are going to tell me what I want to know, or I'm going to dispose of you," Orochimaru said gently before reaching his hands up to cup my face. His smile remained threatening as his cold hands rested on my cheeks. "Do you understand me?"
"Wouldn't be the first time I've died," I admitted with a casual shrug before paling. "Ah, I mean-"
Yellow eyes blinked once, latching onto that information immediately. "What do you mean by that?"
I chewed my lip nervously. "I…" I tasted blood in my mouth, but didn't stop my chewing. My hands clenched into fists, holding onto the ends of my baggy shirt. I felt sweat begin to roll down my body as I looked away from the man. "I… ended up in the hospital for a reason when I was three…"
Orochimaru, ever intelligent, immediately picked up on the not-so-subtle implication of my words. "You're telling me your mother killed you when you were three."
"No," I snapped bitterly, my eyes looking up to glare into his, "I'm telling you I was so depressed from her mistreatment, I tried drowning myself when I was three. Unfortunately, Tenko didn't want a dead body on her hands, so she immediately took me to the hospital."
"And yet, your mother burned you-"
"Your child being suicidal is a great cover-story for the wounds," I explained as I allowed my eyes to drift away again. I frowned deeply as I remembered how Tenko told me that I would never be believed after my little suicide stunt at three.
Of course, after I was banned from the hospital, Tenko took the utmost glee in making me harm myself, as she wouldn't have been caught by anyone. If they saw the marks, she would simply tell them I was suicidal, and the doctors could do nothing about it. The worst part is people believed her until I got her in trouble at the academy entrance ceremony.
Orochimaru shook my shoulders a bit, snapping me from my trance. His malice for me was gone, but he didn't stare down at me in pity now that he knew. He was void of emotions as he said, "Do you want someone to do something about her?"
"No," I said with a sigh. "It will be too troublesome to deal with if it gets traced back to me."
The man's pale lips quirked up into a barely perceivable smile. He patted my shoulders before standing up. "In any case, let's head to my home."
I nodded, expecting to continue our walk.
Orochimaru, having other plans, merely picked me up in his arms and body flickered to his apartment with a small puff of smoke.
I blinked stupidly at the change in surroundings before frowning. "We could have walked."
"I'm not walking through the village with a child that looks like they've just eaten another human's internal organs for dinner," Orochimaru said as if it should have been obvious.
I accepted that before being reminded of a certain cannibal woman. "Yo, I could cosplay as Banica Conchita."
"Who?" The sage asked in confusion.
"Cannibal woman who made a contract with the demon of gluttony," I explained shortly.
The man clearly wanted details, as was evident by the way his yellow eyes pierced through my soul.
"It's a very long story. Like, I could write a whole book about it," I explained, causing the man to drop his interest for the time being.
He instead sat me on the closed toilet lid of his bathroom and left me to get a rag. He returned two seconds later and got it wet in the sink before kneeling down in front of me. The man frowned as he began to dab away the blood covering my sensitive lip. "Next time you feel that nervous, pinch yourself hard. It should stop you from chewing your lip to a bloody pulp."
"Sorry," I apologized, earning the man's confusion. "I know you really don't care about me, and yet I'm making you do this for me."
Orochimaru frowned. "Where did you get the idea I don't care about you?"
I gave the snake summoner a look. "Really? You're asking me such a stupid question?"
That seemed to offend the man. "I'm asking you why you think I would bother helping someone I don't care about, yes."
"No one cares about me, except maybe Obito and Gai. In everyone else's life, I'm just an annoying hindrance. That's all I'll probably ever amount to before I die." I sighed deeply as I reminded myself that I wasn't going to live past the war, only give Obito a fighting chance against ending up as Madara's ignorant puppet.
Orochimaru's eyes changed as he looked at me. There was some sort of shift in how the light reflected off his snake-like orbs. "Your mother really did a number on you, huh?"
It also came from recognizing that my first life amounted to nothing, but you don't need to know that. I nodded once, staring into the abyss as I recalled my first life.
I was lackluster in life before being reincarnated, only to still be lackluster. I mean, I at least had a loving family the first time around and a goal for the future. Now? I had nothing but two kids 'my age' to keep me going. I was inevitably going to die around the age of twelve to thirteen, having experienced no real love or support from anyone but my "friends," which weren't even technically friends, but rather training partners.
Orochimaru gently shook my shoulders, snapping me from my trance. "Children shouldn't have those eyes."
"At least they're not blank eyes. I have yet to be amongst the dead while still alive," I said as I gave a small shrug.
He accepted that answer without batting an eyelash. Instead, he stood up, having finished wiping away the blood from my chin and mouth area. "Come. I'll make you some dinner."
"I don't feel like eating," I admitted.
"Too bad," he said as he walked out of the bathroom after throwing the bloodied rag into the garbage.
Do I really want Orochimaru to have my DNA? I thought as I stared at the rag. I eventually decided that I really didn't care at that point in time and left it alone. I trailed after the man, though only after taking my shoes off.
"Shoes go in the entrance hall," Orochimaru said as he motioned to where he had a normal clone taking his shoes.
I followed the clone and put my shoes next to Orochimaru's. I then walked to the couch and immediately sat down on it. I tested just how comfy it was before relaxing. I released a deep sigh before allowing my eyes to drift around lazily.
Everything was neat and tidy. Books were neatly on the shelves, organized by the author's last name and in alphabetical order if there was more than one book by the author. There was no dust on any of the books or on the wooden floorboards. The furniture was bare at best, and there weren't many trinkets lying around. It was a minimalistic design that showed Orochimaru didn't really have an expressive side to him, much like many ANBU members.
I allowed my eyes to drift to the table in front of the couch, only for my mind to drift away in boredom. I began to softly hum a song I knew from my first life, one that made the sadistic me cry after learning about its meaning.
"What are you humming?" Orochimaru asked, snapping me from my drifting thoughts.
"Feathers Across the Seasons, also known as Seasonal Feathers," I answered honestly, "I doubt you've heard of it."
"I haven't," Orochimaru admitted. "Could you sing it's lyrics?"
Without even thinking about it, I made a shadow clone and began to sing the duet.
"Swirling high in the sky, the powdery snow
Covers the mountain tops, painting them white.
In a worn-down house in an abandoned town,
Two people embrace close through the winter nights.
"The day that we met, it was snowing, too, wasn't it?"
You muttered with a smile as you thought back to that day.
Flushing from the warmth of the blazing hearth,
I hid my face in the shadow of your large sleeve.
Spring comes to visit.
With a breath of happiness, I sing of its joyfulness with the chirping birds.
"What a beautiful voice you have," you said with a smile.
Just that, just those simple words you spoke made me so happy.
"Even if, someday, I can't sing beautifully, if my voice has gone away,
Even then, would you still love me?"
"Of course, I would," you said, laughing gently.
Softly, your large hand caressed my cheek."
I allowed my eyes to close as I hummed softly to the melody of the instrumental part of the song, my double copying me. I blocked out everything else as I remembered the music video to the song, causing me that much more sorrow. Nevertheless, I sang on.
"When new leaves where shining on a summer afternoon,
You collapsed from illness.
The livelihood of a poor couple, with only each other,
Could never afford the medicine that will cure you.
Day after day,
I devote myself to weaving and weaving at the loom.
Autumn's fleeting maple leaves shed their leaves,
I can't let your life fall away as those leaves do.
The season passes once more.
Chirping bell crickets announce the end of summer.
"What beautiful fingers," you whisper, clasping my wound covered hands.
But your hands were just as cold as the snow in winter.
"If someday my beautiful fingers are no more,
Even then, would you still love me?"
"Of course," you reply to me, coughing,
Enveloping my painted fingers in your large hands.
Day and night, I continue weaving at the loom.
(A~ah,)
Faster, faster, I must hurry and buy the medicine.
(The wind of the setting sun)
A little longer, just a little longer until the maple trees shed their leaves.
(Cruelly extinguishing the light)
Until these hands stop working, until these feathers are all gone!
(Of rotting fruit falling to the ground.)
A~ah."
I took in a shuddering breath before continuing on.
"If one day, even if I'm no longer human,
Even then, would you still be able to love me?"
Too scared to tell you, I left the truth untold.
Softly, alone, I break away my last feather.
"But, of course," I said, laughing
While I embrace you who has lost your wings.
A~ah
The crane who flew away so beautifully on that day
Even now, and forever, I'll remember it
And even now, without fail, I still love you…"
My shadow clone disappeared, and I was left with the memories of singing the male part of the song. I opened my eyes, wincing at how tears were falling from said eyes. I was grateful Orochimaru was still in the kitchen, giving me enough time to wipe my face clean of tears.
"That song is rather depressing," Orochimaru mused aloud as he continued to work on dinner.
I nodded, knowing full-well how depressing it could be when you're already in a low funk.
"Do you have a more… uplifting song?" Orochimaru requested.
I debated it before settling on Daughter of Evil. I closed my eyes and began to sing.
"Ohohoho! Now, kneel to me!"
I began to hum the tune for the song to give the man a feel for the upcoming lyrics.
"Once upon time, in another place,
There was an evil kingdom of inhumane treachery.
Ruling at the top of the monarchy was
A tiny, little princess of only age fourteen.
Many furniture littered her abode.
Her servants likeliness had surely shown.
Josephine is what her horse was named.
Everything, everything was hers to claim.
If we're short on money, there's no need to fear,
Just take it from the civilians without any care.
To those who feel the need to bring me down,
I will purge them completely.
"Now, kneel down to me!"
Evil flowers bloom so sweetly,
And with vivid coloration
The pitiful weed that surrounded her,
Ah, will turn into nourishment and rot away.
The tyrant princess was in love with a man of
Blue who lived on the other side of the sea.
However, he loved the green-haired girl from
The neighboring country at first sight.
The princess, mad with jealousy and rage
One day summoned her cabinet minister,
And said in a low voice as to not be overheard,
"Send ruin to the country of green in the south."
Many houses were reduced to ashes.
Many lives disappeared with a fight.
The suffering people's lamentations
Wouldn't reach the princess's ears.
"Oh, it's tea time!"
Evil flowers bloom so sweetly
With maddening coloration.
Even though it's a very lovely flower,
Ah, there are too many thorns to touch it.
To overthrow the evil princess,
At last, the people would finally take a stand.
Leading the disorderly mob in the night was
A female swordsman in crimson armor.
Their rage accumulated in conviction
Wrapped up the country as a whole.
Soldiers tried from the long green war
Weren't a threat to the citizens at all.
Finally, they surrounded the palace, and
The servants made a quick escape.
The adorable and lovely little princess
Was finally, finally caught.
"Oh, you unrespectable thug!"
Evil flowers bloom so sweetly
In colors that seem sorrowful.
The paradise that she made for herself,
Ah, will collapse, brittle and transient.
Once upon time, in another place,
There was an evil kingdom of inhumane treachery.
Ruling at the top of the monarchy was
A tiny, little princess of only age fourteen.
The time of her execution was at 3 o'clock
When the church bells would resound their chime.
The girl that was once called a princess,
What does she think of in her jail cell all alone?
Finally, the time came to arrive.
The bells signaling the end ring.
Without taking notice of the populace,
She said with her eyes in a shroud:
"Oh, it's tea time!"
Evil flowers pitifully scatter
With brilliant coloration!
People, after the event was over,
Ah, say she was indeed the Daughter of Evil."
I hummed the cheery tune until the song officially ended before looking toward the kitchen.
I hummed the cheery tune until the song officially ended before looking toward the kitchen.
"How morbidly cheerful," the man mused as he continued doing his cooking.
"If you want disgustingly morbid, I have another song," I offered.
"Nothing you could sing could possibly be disgustingly morbid," Orochimaru challenged.
I accepted that challenge and began to sing Specimen Girl.
"Let's gouge those eyes of yours out.
That way you won't look at anyone else.
Let's cut off those hand and feet.
That way you won't touch anyone else.
Why did you, even though I am here,
Go around sleeping with other men?
That's punishment for the crime you committed,
I'm not letting you go anywhere anymore.
"From on today on, you are my specimen."
I'll drive a picket deep into your chest,
And put you inside a case with a glass door.
That case shall go inside my bedroom,
And I'll observe you every single day~.
Each time I look at you, I get shivers,
And the blood in this body boils.
You are already mine and mine alone,
Yes, you are my "Specimen Girl."
"Only mine.""
I hummed the tune, moving on the couch to its beat because I loved the song that much.
"That's right. I'll preserve you inside of that liquid.
That way, you won't rot away any time soon.
Silent as a grave, that scent of yours
Arouses me once more.
Your now unmoving body
I'll defile it without any cost to me.
Your body having gone cold and still,
When I touch it with my hands, I get shivers.
"Ah, now I feel like eating you up."
I cut open your chest with a sharp knife
I take your heart and eat it without any hesitation.
With this, your heart is now mine and mine alone.
You won't be able to love anyone but me.
I return the rest to the case.
I'll place it again by my side.
I won't let you go for as long as I live.
After all, you are my "Specimen Girl."
etiHSsekahotokuru
Siaowiagiukobaraka
donomonukobahimikeDnetiza
tiHSiaagukobomeD
"Unforgivable."
From inside that case of yours,
Look at me and me alone
Until the day that I die.
Ah, but you can't do so,
As you no longer have eyes.
And that is because,
I had to gouge them out~.
And therefore...
I shall put glass beads into your sockets.
Let's make some brand new eyes for you~.
What color should I choose for your new eyes, hm?
That's right, a red like blood will be fine.
With those beautiful new eyes of yours,
Look only at me and me alone.
Only you from now until always.
I won't let you away from my side.
After all, you are mine alone
From now on to forever,
Until that body of yours rots away,
Yes, you are my "Specimen Girl."
"Only mine."
"Only mine."
"Only mi~ine."
Whoa~oah."
I cut myself off abruptly before humming the rest of the tune softly, as it should have been hummed. I then opened my eyes, wondering when I had closed them, and saw the most unapproving look I have ever seen in this new world.
Orochimaru was giving me that disapproval. "What child your age has that sort of song memorized?"
"The one that is slightly into morticians because that shit is fascinating," I admitted, earning a raised brow. "I'm not into the sex part of death, but I am into the dissecting of it. I mean, who knows what kind of things the human body hides? I mean, who actually knows what the appendix is for? Shit like that needs to be investigated."
"For a second, I thought you-" The man cut himself off, shaking his head. "Never mind. I'm just glad to have someone equally as interested in the human body as myself."
"You thought I was a necrophiliac!" I yelled accusingly.
"The song didn't help anything," Orochimaru said as if it should have been obvious.
I had to hand it to him, he was correct. On the other hand, I was still very offended.
"In any case, what interesting facts do you know about the human body?" Orochimaru questioned.
"First, let me ask about decomposition," I said, causing the man's brow to furrow.
"What about it?" The snake sage asked in obvious confusion.
"Do you know fully about the five stages of decomposition?" I questioned, causing the man to quirk a brow.
"I can't say that I do," he admitted.
"Oh, have I got interesting news for you," I said before going on the biggest ramble of my new life. "Average decomposition happens in five stages - initial decay, the fresh stage; putrefaction, the bloat stage; black putrefaction, active decay; butyric fermentation, advanced decay; and dry decay, the remains stage. Initial decay takes zero to three days. Putrefaction takes four to ten days. Black putrefaction takes ten to twenty days. Butyric fermentation takes twenty-one to fifty days. Dry decay takes from fifty-one to three-hundred fifty days."
"After the heart stops beating, the body goes into a complete meltdown, breaking down on the cellular level. During the fresh stage, the body's temperature drops. Because the heart stopped beating, all the blood in the body will drain to the lowest point. The skin gets tighter and turns grey. The eyes sink into the skull.
"During the putrefaction stage, gases in the body accumulate in the body, causing it to swell, hence bloating stage. The accumulation especially happens around the face, particularly in the eyes and mouth, which start to protrude outward. Because the gases in the body have no place to go, ruptures and tears will appear in the skin. Also during that stage, the skin tone will become marbled, revealing a pattern of blood vessels in the face, chest, and abdomen. After two weeks, the skin becomes so loose, you could easily pull it off.
"During black putrefaction, the skin of the corpse turns black. The corpse then flattens out like a pancake as all the gases escape. The internal organs liquify, turning the body into a soupy fluid.
"The body and all remaining flesh dry out during butyric fermentation.
"And finally, during dry decay, all that's left is remains.
"Decomposition could be sped up through several factors. These include but are not limited to: exposure to the elements and high temperature. A body left in the open air decomposes twice as fast as if it were immersed in water and eight times faster than if it were buried underground. Heat increases the rate of cellular decomposition and increases the rate of putrefaction. The hotter and more humid the temperature, the quicker the body will decompose."
Orochimaru took all that information in like a champ. He didn't even blink or ask me to repeat anything. He merely hummed, thought it over, and then asked, "Should I be concerned that you know all of this?"
"No," I answered, "I find the subject to be interesting, and so I will go to the ends of the earth for more facts on it."
Orochimaru accepted that for the moment. "Next question: Why are you telling me this? I know you're excited, but you seem like the type of kid that will have a great time at exploiting the untold side of things."
I sighed dramatically before admitting, "I want to know what happens when someone decays while alive."
Orochimaru blinked once, then twice. He then eyed me suspiciously, which I haven't deserved at all, and said, "And on who do you want to study the effects of decaying while alive?"
"Uh, Danzō, maybe." I shrugged.
Orochimaru's head whipped around faster than I could blink. "You realize that's treasonous, right?"
"You realize Danzō is basically planning on getting his hands on the Uchiha sharingan to make himself more powerful, right?" I retorted despite now knowing if he was at that stage yet.
"How do you know that?" Orochimaru demanded to know.
I gave him a small glare. "The fucker is after my clan. Even if I hate most of them, those that can get past the Curse of Hatred are all worthy to live in my book. You know who my neighbor is? That fucker, Obito, can do it - I can guarantee it. I'm not watching his future go up in flames because of a warmongering little bitch that is salty over the fact he wasn't chosen to be Hokage by Tobirama-sama."
Orochimaru was clearly taken aback by my sudden flip in attitude. He seemed to be cautious as he then asked, "What are the chances he starts a war over it?"
"The same as the chances of him starting a war with Iwagakure," I stated without remorse.
"He knows tensions are high with Iwagakure, and you think he's going to start a war?" Orochimaru was doubting me.
In what had to have been one of the dumbest moves in my life, I cooed, "Oh, sweetie, I don't think it. I know it."
"Supposing I believed you for a second, how is he going to escalate things?" Orochimaru demanded to know.
"He's going to use his dead Root members to make it seem like Iwa attacked us. A shame really, as that act really drags us into the upcoming war." I gave a sigh before shrugging. "But, it's not my problem. It's not like I'm going to live through the war anyway."
Orochimaru gave a very slow blink, like his snake brain wasn't comprehending what I was saying. Finally, the man asked slowly, "Can you activate your sharingan for me?"
I blinked at him, my brow furrowing. "No?"
"Activate it, or I tell Mikoto and Kushina you peep into the women's area of the hot springs," Orochimaru threatened, rather pathetically at that.
"Go ahead. I need to see how far my resilience has built up," I said, waving the peasant off lazily.
"You will do it, or I'll make sure you're initiated into Root," the man hissed.
I paused, thinking over his threat. On one hand, I may just survive the war. On the other hand, Danzō may just let Orochimaru experiment on me or have me killed by another Root member. I hummed before deciding that trying to pull my God-hack out of my ass was the better decision. I closed my eyes tightly, until they hurt enough to give me a minor migraine. I then opened my eyes wide, as if that was the key to magically getting the sharingan.
Orochimaru looked visibly disappointed in my attempt. "Is that really the best you could do with your life on the line?"
"You expect me to pull a kekkei genkai out of my ass without the serious psychological trauma of seeing a loved one die before my eyes?" I retorted angrily.
"But you're suicidal-"
"It's not like suicide works in unlocking one's sharingan. I should know. I fucking attempted it!" I hissed venomously.
Orochimaru, sensing that it was a sensitive topic, dropped it for the time being. Instead, he chose a different approach. "Would the psychological strain of seeing Obito die-"
If looks could have killed, Orochimaru would have been six feet under, and then some.
"Don't you dare threaten my pupil when I've put so much work into him," I growled fiercely.
The man remained impassive at my feeble attempt at scaring him into submission. "I'm sure a training accident would work. They happen all the time-"
I felt something bubble up inside of me, and my migraine grew worse. "Do not make me repeat myself, Orochimaru. I have quite a bit of patience, but you're straining it."
He gave me a smirk, one that showed that he was thinking of how to go about his newest masterplan.
I stood up from the couch. My bare feet touched the cold, wooden flooring, and my hands clenched into hot fists. I opened my mouth and released a deep breath before shifting my left foot back, my right shoulder dropping down.
Orochimaru eyed me warily as I gazed into his eyes, clearly not bullshitting in the slightest.
I pushed chakra to my feet before running at the man.
Orochimaru immediately released some of his bloodlust that had boiled to life the second I glared at him. He obviously thought it was enough to stop me, only to realize his error a second too late.
With chakra surrounding my hand, I plunged my fist deep into his stomach.
The man, who had been standing in the entrance to his kitchen, went flying. He crashed through the cupboards and wall, flying into his neighbor's apartment. He broke the poor neighbor's couch when he crashed into it and crumpled to the floor.
I would have given chase, if not for the insane laughter that bubbled out of Orochimaru's mouth.
Orochimaru turned his head to look at me, his yellow eyes making contact with mine. He released his killing intent with full force as he got to his feet, wiping the blood that had come from his mouth with the back of his hand.
I froze in place as the man began to stalk over like I hadn't just used a chakra-infused punch on his gut. Fear bubbled to life inside of my being as he grew closer, but I was unable to move.
"That was quite impressive, Tenrō. For an academy student to have that sort of mastery on chakra control…" He gave a cackle as his expression promised me nothing less than a tenfold payback for what I had just done.
My mind couldn't even come up with a response or anything of the like. I was stuck in place as my impending death came closer to me.
Orochimaru stepped back into his apartment, seemingly unbothered by the rubble that crumbled under his feet.
My absolutely retarded lizard brain managed to finally kick in as Orochimaru blinked. With adrenaline unlike anything I had faced in either life, I jumped back, only to stumble on the large crack I made in the ground by running. I fell back, confusion evident on my face as my body crumpled like a puppet with no strings. I cocked my head to the side as I tried moving my right arm, only for excruciating pain to fill it. My brow furrowed as I looked down at it.
It was broken.
I am exceptionally fucked, I realized as I looked up at Orochimaru, who now looked above me.
"It seems you forgot that you have to channel chakra into your muscles to stabilize your arm before throwing that kind of punch." The man tutted as if talking about how unsavory the weather was. He then leaned down, his face just over mine. His sadism was clear in his eyes as he said, "I'm going to love training you."
I was confused, obviously, before closing my eyes as Orochimaru suddenly spit up blood on my face before collapsing. I blinked once, then twice, and finally thrice just to make sure I wasn't in the most lucid dream I ever had.
Orochimaru had fucking collapsed right next to me. He was out cold, as was evident by his sudden lack of killing intent.
I coughed once before murmuring, "Is this a test?"
The man didn't reply, and his killing intent didn't return.
I gave another reptile-like blink before grinning. I, Uchiha Tenrō, have bested Orochimaru at age six. I am such a badass. I gave a giggle, only to cough up saliva. I then closed my eyes, gave a huge sigh, and then proceeded to pass out.