Peter:
The trip to his apartment was less than desirable. It was a two-hour drive from the compound to Queens and halfway through he was already starting to feel carsick. Tony didn't go with them and Peter didn't question why. He didn't want to talk to him, as it was his fault this was even happening. At least the way it was happening. This however meant he had to stick it through and keep his thoughts to himself. If Tony had come along, he more than likely would've at least subtlety mentioned he didn't feel great, maybe even ask to get out and walk around for a minute. But while he liked Pepper, he had to admit, he wasn't as close with her as he was with Tony.
Eventually they pulled up around the side, and despite his legs feeling like jelly, Peter ran ahead, leading the way to his floor.
Being back was weird, he decided almost instantly. He didn't know why he expected it to look any different, no one had been there to move anything around in weeks. It was a strange sense of familiarity though. Something about the way the old couch pillows and throw blanket lay untidily on the couch, a few granola bar wrappers astray on the coffee table, made Peter sigh deeply, half expecting May to walk out of the hallway that led down to their rooms, waving her hand towards the mess, her nose wrinkled.
''Clean, clean,'' she always said shortly, with a smile, but enough seriousness in her tone, that Peter got to it right away. Usually.
Pepper stood beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. ''I suppose I could clean things up a little while you go through things. I'm pretty sure those dishes have been in the sink for record time.''
He knew she was trying to be polite, give him space while he sorted through memories of a life he would never have again. But he was hesitant to move, almost scared of entering what didn't feel like his anymore.
Pepper must've noticed, because she gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before telling him, ''Why don't you find a bag or something and grab some of your own things you want to bring back to the compound.'' When he still didn't move, she added, ''I'll be right out here, come get me if you want. I can help you pick something nice out for her.''
''Okay,'' he agreed finally, slowly stepping away and turning down the hall.
Tony:
Tony sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had been working since he woke, and a dull headache was beginning to form between his eyes. With a glance at the time on his phone, he decided to take a break and find something to eat.
Swallowing a few pain killers on the way to the fridge, he sighed again. He had no idea what the kid had eaten-if the kid had eaten. He reminded himself that Peter was fifteen, not five, he could remember to feed himself, and if not, there was an entire team full of people under this roof who would be more than happy too.
Settling on a sandwich and salad, he slid a few items onto the counter. His brain must've been on autopilot, because a minute later, he found himself with a mouthful of pickle and mayonnaise-both of which he didn't even remember getting out, let alone putting on his food.
He shrugged and took another bite, just as Bucky walked out, his back facing the kitchen as he held out a hand. ''Hurry up honey,'' he called, with a voice he never heard associated with the tough solider. Tony chewed slowly as he watched Steve walk in, accepting the other man's hand and leaning into him a bit, a grin covering his face.
''You're wearing my hat,'' he noted.
''Yeah, well, you took my sweatshirt, so I had to compromise and at least keep the best part of me warm.''
''I didn't think you liked this one, considering it was one of the few you haven't ripped a sleeve out of.''
''Yeah whatever.''
Tony took that moment to bite down on a particularly hard crouton from his salad. Both men turned to face him. Steve remained somewhat calm when he saw who was there, while Barnes had an unreadable expression.
''Good afternoon,'' he said. Then before he could even think he shifted his eyes to meet Steve's and added, ''honey.''
Peter:
It took him about ten minutes to fill up a spare backpack with some items he could use over the Summer. Once it was packed, he found himself staring at it for a minute. It wasn't anything special, a basic brand, with black zippers and red exterior. He still remembered the day he got it, along with several others that were nearly identical.
A little after he told May he was spiderman, she put two and two together, figuring out what was happening to his backpacks, that had been rapidly disappearing for months at that point.
''I got a little bonus payment this week and thought you could use a couple of these here.'' She said with a wink. ''You know, in case you lose one during your,'' she paused to clear her throat. ''Extra curriculars.''
''I know what you meant May,'' he laughed, moving to wrap his arms around her. ''Thank you.''
After that, they used the rest of her bonus at a fancy restaurant May was always wanting to try. He was extremely thankful for the thoughtfulness and also glad he wouldn't have to keep asking for a new bag for a while.
It suddenly dawned on Peter just how much he missed his Aunt. Within seconds the cardinal colored bag became blurry and tears were spilling down his cheeks. He tried wiping them away for a few minutes as he gathered a few more items, but it quickly became too much. Sinking to the floor, and curling into himself, he let out a breathy sob.
The pain he was feeling now was almost worse than what he felt that night, in the hospital. He heard high heeled steps coming from the hall, but he didn't care. Pepper Potts was going to see him cry and it didn't even matter. No amount of embarrassment could match the hurt he was feeling right now.
''Oh Peter,'' Pepper sighed from the doorway. She was by his side in an instant, rubbing his back. ''It's okay, it's okay.'' She repeated.
But it wasn't okay. It wasn't, because May was gone. May was gone, just like Ben, just like his parents. The only person he had left, didn't even care enough to come with him.
He was a mess, with a runny nose threatening to reach his top lip, tears soaking everything below his eyes, but Pepper pulled him in close anyway.
Pepper's hugs were different than Tony's. Instead of wrapping him in a strong comforting embrace, her lean arms gently rest around him, delicate fingers laying on his head. It reminded him of May's hugs and that only made him cry harder.
''You take your time Peter, there's no rush. We can sit here all day if we have too.''
They didn't sit there all day. Peter managed to pull himself together after an unknown amount of time, and Pepper stood to her feet beside him.
''I think, it may be best if I go look for a nice dress real quick. You tell me if you think it looks good okay? You know her taste better than anyone.''
''Okay,'' he replied. Then, because he realized that was the only word he'd said on the entire trip, he added a quick but meaningful, ''Thank you Pepper.''
Tony:
''Stark,'' Steve addressed. ''I didn't know you were there.''
''Oh, I noticed.'' He replied, with a quirk of his lips. ''But I can't help but think that whole adorable scene filled with nothing, but pure innocence would not have graced the world, had I spoken up.''
''He thinks he's funny,'' Bucky muttered.
''I think no such thing,'' Tony retorted, getting up to clean off his plate.
''Where's your kid?'' Steve asked, ignoring his partner's comment.
Tony turned around and ran a hand through his hair. ''You know, despite what you all may think here, we aren't constantly attached at the hip.''
Steve's face contorted into a mix of taken aback, and apologetic.''Sorry. I just can't remember the last time I saw you eat without him.''
Tony froze. ''You were with him this afternoon. Did he not eat anything?''
''I was going to ask if he wanted anything, but Ms. Potts took him before I could say anything. I figured he would eat with you guys, before he went out. I also figured he would be back by now, it's been hours.''
Groaning, Tony pulled out his phone, sending a quick text to Pepper, saying to get the kid some flipping food before his face becomes real friendly with the floor.
He was a failure if he couldn't keep his kid from passing out, a second time. He really should've come out earlier. It was a busy day, but he could've spared ten minutes to talk to him and make sure he ate.
''Fri,'' he called tentatively.
''Here boss.''
''Mhm. Do me a favor and create a new protocol for me would you?''
''Right away sir. What would you like to name new protocol?''
He was silent for a moment as he thought. ''First Priority,'' he said finally, though there was only certainty in his voice. Steve and Bucky shared knowing looks, but Tony, who was gazing up at the ceiling, didn't notice. ''This is an important one, you listening?''
''Always, boss.''
''Good girl. Okay from now on I'm gonna need you to remind me if I've been working for over two hours to take a break. I don't want to go a full day without talking to my kid just because of work, got it?''
''Yes Boss.''
''All right.'' Tony sucked in a breath, sitting down on the couch now.
''Shall I activate Protocol?''
''Go ahead.'' He answered, closing his eyes, while his hands rest behind his head.
''Protocol First Priority activated.''
Tony smiled at the ceiling. ''Protocol First Priority activated.'' He repeated.
Peter:
The ride back was no better than the first one. Peter found himself feeling carsick in just over thirty minutes this time. The only thing good about the trip, was the dress they picked out. It was May's favorite, aside from her wedding gown. Uncle Ben bought for her, as an anniversary gift. He still remembered the confident smile she wore, every time she put it on. She stopped wearing it after Ben died though. Even when he was alive, she only ever wore it when the two went out on a date.
He knew she would be happy with the choice.
Pepper stopped and ordered take out from a restaurant he'd never heard of on the way home. The food wasn't bad, but he still couldn't find it in him to finish.
''Don't worry about it,'' she said. ''You can take it home and reheat it later. Tony will probably do it for you if you ask.''
''Sorry. I-I like it, I'm just not very...''
''I get it. It's fine.''
He nodded thankfully and placed it carefully back in the bag, then rested his head against the window until they arrived at the compound, where he reluctantly swung his legs over the seat and hopped out to get his bags.
''Hey kiddo,'' Tony greeted, as he left his room, where he had just dumped his stuff off. He planned on unloading it before bed, or maybe even waiting till tomorrow.
''Hi,'' he grunted. Now he talked to him?
''Everything okay?''
Peter huffed in his direction without even making eye contact. ''Oh yeah. Just peachy, Mr. Stark.''
Tony stood there looking taken aback. Peter didn't blame him. He probably hadn't talked to any adult like that in his entire life. But at that point, still groggy with motion sickness and exhausted from his heavily emotional day, that could've gone at least a little better if Tony had at least been there, he couldn't care less about mannerisms.
''Okay, first off, I know you did not just sass me like that. Second, I wanna make this clear, we are not going back to 'Mr. Stark' ever again. It's Tony kid. To-ny. And third-''
Now he was fuming. Forget not caring about mannerisms, as far as he was concerned, they didn't exist anymore. This man, had neglected him all day, and now he was going to tell him off? ''Okay you know what? You've had all day to talk to me and you didn't, so just, just lay off.''
''Excuse me?'' Tony's expression changed from surprised, to angry faster than you could blink.'' Yes, Parker, I have a job.''
Peter swallowed. Tony's face and raised tone was almost enough to make him back down. He would probably never admit, it but it was scaring him a little. Making Ironman angry was bad. Terrible even. But making Tony Stark angry, was a different level. He didn't like it, and he was already starting to feel bad. He had to bite his tounge to hold back the apology that was lingering in his throat. But he had a point, and he was going to get it across. Swallowing one more time, he looked Tony straight in the eye.
''You've been working nonstop today, which is fine. I-I get it you're busy. But then, you leave me alone to discuss something totally personal with Pepper, that you knew I didn't want to talk about, or even do. Then you don't even come with me, leaving me alone again, with your girlfriend, Tony. Just so you could what hide away, so you don't have to feel guilty?''
''Peter-''
''You can't just- you promised Tony. You said I didn't have to go back if I wasn't ready, only to force me into it. That's not fair!'' Tony walked closer, trying to interject again, but Peter just shook his head and backed away. He hated that his eyes were growing wet. He was supposed to be mad, not sad. ''I mean if you wanted to dropout you could just say it. I can plan it on my own, I don't need your girlfriend to help me.''
''Listen to me Peter Parker'' Tony spoke, sternly, his tone alarmingly loud. This didn't stop him from coming closer.
''Why? You just handed me over, to have like, the worst day ever, and you don't even know. It could've been better if you came but you didn't. Tears were running down his face now, and he angrily swiped them away. It was not the time to be oversensitive. ''I thought we were doing this together now.''
''Honey,'' he said, this time his voice was low and comforting. The quick change was enough to shut Peter up long enough for him to start talking again. ''I'm sorry you had a bad day, and I'm sorry I didn't take a break sooner.''
Peter stopped fighting and allowed the tears to fall, not even bothering to wipe them away this time. It was useless at this point. Tony already saw what he didn't want him to see.
''But what you need to understand, is that I did not tell Pepper to take you to the apartment.''
Peter had no words. He just stood there, staring at the defensive man before him, waiting for some kind of explanation. Tony didn't tell Pepper to take him to his apartment? Then how on earth did he end up just there?
Tony groaned, tipping his head back a little. ''Look, I told Pepper that the funeral was this weekend and there was still a lot we need to do to prepare, including your Aunt's outfit.'' Tony's hand gestured every few words. ''She just told me she would take you to pick it out Kid, I didn't know that's what she had in mind.''
Taking a deep breath, Peter looked down, his fingers instinctively going to mess with the bottom of his shirt as his mind worked to process what he'd just been told.
Tony:
He knew something was up when the kid walked in with notably red rimmed eyes. He no doubt had been crying, but along with that, there was something about the face he was wearing that Tony didn't think he would ever see. Was he... . mad?
''Hey kiddo,'' he tried, hoping he would just get it out of him without probing.
After a mumbled reply, he realized it wasn't going to be an easy to fish this out of him. He should've been used to it by now though, this kid, kept a lot of things to himself. At least until he couldn't deal with it anymore and all the weight came crashing down on him.
''Everything all right?''
He couldn't express the shock he felt at the kid's response to that. Never, not even when he took away his suit, did he hear that tone come out Peter's mouth. To top it off, he called him Mr. Stark and Tony knew he did that on purpose. There was no way, after this much time of calling him by his first name, he accidentally slipped up.
He could feel his anger rising way too quick for his liking and he had to remind himself, that this was a kid. A kid who had been through a lot and he clearly wasn't having a good day. ''Okay, first off, I know you did not just sass me like that. Second, I wanna make it clear, that we are not going back to this 'Mr. Stark' thing ever. It's Tony kid. To-ny. And third,''
When Peter spoke again, Tony knew that if anyone else were speaking to him like that, he would've lost it. But again, this was Peter, so the circumstances were different. ''Excuse me?'' Right as he said it, he realized it wasn't just anger he was spitting with, but guilt too. Peter was right, he hadn't made any time for him today, but the kid had to understand that ''Yes Parker, I have a job.''
''You've been working nonstop today, which is fine. I get it you're busy. But then, you leave me alone to discuss something totally personal with Pepper, that you knew I didn't want to talk about, or even do. Then you don't even come with me, leaving me alone again, with your girlfriend, Tony. Just so you could what hide away, so you don't have to feel guilty?''
''Peter-''
''You can't just- you promised Tony. You said I didn't have to go back if I wasn't ready, only to force me into it. That's not fair!''
Peter's watering eyes met his cold ones, and suddenly it all made sense. With a surge of guilt, he realized what he did and he felt terrible. It always hurt to see Peter cry, but this time, knowing it was his own fault, made everything worse. The tears in his innocent eyes, were from him. stepping closer, only to have the boy turn and back away, he sighed, shutting his eyes for a second. How was he going to fix this if he couldn't say anything?
''I mean if you wanted to dropout you could just say it. I can plan it on my own, I don't need your girlfriend to help me.''
''No, you listen to me Peter Parker.''
''Why? You just handed me over, to have like, the worst day ever, and you don't even know. It could've been better if you came but you didn't. Tears were running down his face now, and he angrily swiped them away. It was not the time to be oversensitive. ''I thought we were doing this together now.''
Now he felt helpless. How could a fifteen-year-old kid, make him feel helpless? He was the adult; he had the authority here. But maybe it wasn't that simple. It was times like these he wished he had a father he could look back and think of for help in these situations. Breaking the cycle of shame was easier said than done, when the cycle was all he ever knew.
Howard definitely wasn't anything to model off of, so instead Tony took a deep breath and thought. What did he do when something wasn't working? Well, in his workshop he was used to trial in error. It was normal, even geniuses couldn't get everything perfect first try. When something wasn't working, he simply used a different approach. It wasn't bad advice, he decided.
So, softening his tone, he started again, remembering the gentle conversation between Steve and Bucky prompted his first word to come without thinking. ''Honey, I'm sorry you had a bad day and I'm sorry I didn't take a break sooner. But what you need to understand, is that I did not tell Pepper to take you to the apartment.''
He couldn't help groaning at the thought. This all could've been avoided, if he had been a little more clear. ''Look, I told Pepper that the funeral was this weekend and there was still a lot we need to do to prepare, including your Aunt's outfit. She just told me she would take you to pick it out Kid, I didn't know that's what she had in mind.''
''Okay,'' Peter breathed brokenly.
Tony tilted his head, searching the kid's face for understanding, at least a little relief, but he couldn't see beyond the tears. He felt like a physco from the movies, who'd gone mad and killed a person, only to find that the blood wouldn't leave their hands, no matter how many times they washed them. Only instead of the blood of a murdered body, it was the tears a kid, who he loved with everything in him. No words he could form were going to wash them away and the thought was starting to sting at his own eyes.
''I just, I,'' he stuttered. Stuttered. Tony Stark did not stutter. He was quick and serious, casual and humorous all at the same time, definitely not one to stumble over words. Peter Parker changed a lot of things. In fact, this single kid alone he had to have broken through all the laws of Tony Stark by now. He started slow, sneaking in small exceptions, like being allowed to put his feet on the clean car seats so long as they ''aren't too dirty','' then completely demolishing things that he did without even thinking about, like drinking.
''What can I do?'' He whispered.
For a long moment, Peter didn't say anything. Tony had no idea what was going through his head and it was driving him crazy. Then he spoke, slowly, a little unsure, like he was afraid or something.
''I kind of feel like, even if you didn't know we were going to end up at the apartment, you still could've waited.''
''Until I could come with you?''
Peter nodded.
''Okay,'' he responded, not really knowing what to say. He wasn't used to admitting his own wrongdoing. This really was the Summer of New Territories. ''I guess I wasn't really thinking straight. I am kind of a workaholic if you haven't noticed. I'm not trying to make excuses; this is totally my fault. Pepper didn't know you weren't ready to go back there, I should've made that clearer.''
''It's okay Tony. I didn't mean to get like that, I was just, I guess I was kind of mad at you.''
''And that's okay,'' Tony ensured. ''You're allowed to be mad at me kid.''
With a sniff he replied, ''well apparently I'm not very good at it.''
Tony gave him a questioning look, and Peter gestured toward his tear-soaked face. With a sympathetic smile, he opened his arms, closing them tightly when Peter stepped into them. He couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief, as he held his kid, letting a hand come up a little, to rub his back comfortingly.
''I'll make sure to run all the other plans by you first okay?''
''Mhm.''
''And I've made sure I won't be getting caught up with work like that again either. If I really have to get something done, and it's been a while, text me okay? I'll let you come sit with me in my office or the lab or whatever.''
''While you're working?'' Peter asked, still not backing out of Tony's hold.
''Yeah, unless I'm on the phone about something classified, which in that case you'll have to wait a little bit, or sneak in quietly, I won't tell. Just text me, or have Friday tell me, I don't care I'll figure something out.''
''I, t-thank you Tony.''
''That's what I'm here for. Well, what you're here for. I'm here because there's a team full of idiots lounging around and I have to keep an eye on them.'' Tony darn near started singing when Peter giggled against his chest. He was certain there was no cuter sound in the world and for a moment he allowed his heart to swell with happiness.
''Do you know how to re-heat like a chunk of earth?''
At that Tony pulled back, finally releasing himself from the kid that was literally latched onto him at that point. ''Reheat a chunk of the earth what? Is this like a science experiment, because I can already tell you, this is going to end with a mess that no one wants to clean up.''
''No, not for science for eating.''
Tony blinked. ''I have no words for you right now, in fact I still don't know if I'm hearing yours correctly, did you say chunk of earth?''
''Not a literal chunk of earth, I mean like the thing from the vegan fast-food place,'' he explained, through more giggles.
Shutting his eyes, Tony realized exactly what he was talking about. ''Oh kid. Pepper didn't take you there did she?''
Pepper was always about diets and crazy health food that Tony was pretty sure-until meeting her, that no one actually ate. But this restaurant, was another level compared to the weird green smoothies or juice fasts she did. It was entirely vegan, and he couldn't find a better way to describe anything off the menu better than Peter's ''chunk of earth.'' She took him once, and after that he declared she was never allowed to take him within a mile from that place ever again.
''It's not that bad,'' Peter shrugged. ''I still don't know how to reheat it though.''
''You are not reheating that. It'll make you sick.''
Peter scoffed. ''Pepper didn't get sick. And she ate it.''
''The woman's cousins with mother nature herself, she's immune. Come on, I'll make you something real to eat.''
''Fine, but don't tell Pepper. I don't want to hurt her feelings.''
This kid.
Tony sat with Peter and talked while he finished off the last box of their princess macaroni. He enjoyed talking to Peter-of course, but as Peter laughed at his jokes and not only told a few stories of his own, but kindly asked the man how things were going for him, guilt began creeping up him once again. He didn't understand how someone could upset their kid and not even care. He found himself relieving random moments of his own childhood, trying to remember it all, his father's face when he yelled at him, searching for some sort of hint, a trace of guilt he missed when he kicked him out of his space, because he couldn't afford any distractions.
Ten years old, Tony stood outside his father's bedroom door, his hand hovering above the knob while he squeezed his eyes shut, whispering words of encouragement to himself. In his other hand he clutched a form, it was for a fieldtrip, nothing crazy that would explain the jittery nerves he was practically withering with.
He wasn't afraid his father wouldn't let him go; he knew he would have no problem with him being away for the weekend. It was the question he was about to ask, that made his throat run dry. He didn't ask Howard for a lot, so maybe that's what gave him the idea, that this was going to work in his favor. Maybe his Dad would pity the fact that he was going to be the only guy without his father coming along. He would have to tag along with someone else's Dad, and there was something about that, that just seemed wrong. He had his own Dad, he Tony Stark, did not need a charity father to let him third wheel on his own family memories.
That thought alone was what drug him to Howard's door, and eventually through it, well after he had planned to go to bed that night.
His father was sitting with his back against the bed board. The lights were off, but his face and body were visible by the white shine of a device, that sat propped up on his knees. ''Antony, what are you doing in here?'' Annoyance was evident in his voice, and he made no effort to look up at his son.
''I wanted to ask you something,'' he said, shuffling in cautiously.
''I'm busy, why don't you uh ask your mother.'' He replied, squinting at the screen for a minute then setting it aside, reaching for a stack of papers and flipping on the lamp.
''I can't, it's something only you can do,'' he tried again. His father was clearly not interested, but he hadn't got this far in a long time. He wasn't going to give up just yet. ''We're going on a fieldtrip this weekend-''
''A fieldtrip over the weekend?''
''Uh huh. It's like a camping thing, the site's not too far from here,'' Tony explained, speaking faster than he meant too. He didn't come in here just to have his father kick him out before he could ask the question.
''Great, Jarvis will pack your bags.'' Howard retorted shortly.
''Actually,'' Tony started, holding the paper up a little higher. ''It's a father-son camping trip. Just one night and then we're back.''
At this Howard raised his head, meeting his son's eyes for the first time. Tony had a hard time not squirming under the firm gaze. His father's face was stern, it showed nothing else, save for exhaustion, as he had been working on something- that Tony wasn't allowed to know about, for two days straight. The fact that he had left his workshop to climb into bed was a clear sign that he was extremely sleep deprived.
''Is this something that involves me?''
Tony swallowed, then took a deep breath. ''All the other guys are going with their father's, so I would be the only one going alone. I'll have to stick around with someone else and their Dad, since we can't be left without chaperones. So, I was wondering, if you wanted to come with me.''
He watched his Father carefully, as he waited for a response. He never asked him things like this, so he was genuinely curious what he would say. Before he pushed open the door, he stood there for several long minutes, trying to sike himself up. The last thing he told himself, was that worst case, his father said no, and he would move on. He decided to prepare for the worst, because that seemed easiest. But once he made it in, he couldn't help the growing hope that sprung inside him as his father looked into his eyes.
''I have the form right here,'' he said, walking over to his father and setting it beside him on the bed. ''It just needs to be signed by tomorrow.''
Howard gave the sheet a glance, which was more than he usually did. But he didn't move to sign it. Instead he let his eyes flick over it, then back to his son. ''I am very busy this weekend Anthony, I'll have to get back to you in the morning.''
''Right,'' Tony sighed. He shouldn't have expected more. If it meant anything though, his Father didn't move the form off his bed. It was still there as he left the room, signifying that maybe, just maybe, when he got back to him in the morning, it would have his Father's name signed at the bottom.
''Tony? Tony.''
Tony blinked, turning his head in the direction of the person calling him. Peter sat at the counter, holding a glass of water, wearing a face of concern. ''Are you okay Tony?''
''Fine,'' he replied. Shaking the memory from his head and offering Peter what he hoped to be a reassuring smile. Must have not been though, because Peter let go of his drink and looked down at his lap, his face falling a bit.
''I'm really sorry I talked to you like that.''
Tony reached over and placed a hand on top of Peter's. He didn't know what to say, again. Sure, he was an adult, Peter shouldn't talk like that, but in the kid's defense, it wouldn't have happened if he clarified some things with his girlfriend, before sending them off. ''Don't fret on it. You done eating now?'' He asked, pointing to the empty bowl in front of him. Peter nodded in confirmation, hopped off the seat and went to place it in the dishwasher.
As he did, Tony allowed himself to sink back into his thoughts, once again filling his head with the memory of his ten-year-old self trying to get through to a man who couldn't care less about him.
When he woke that morning at first, he remembered nothing of the night before. He managed to ready himself for school and slump down the hallway towards the kitchen with minimal brain power. It wasn't until he met his father by the counter, holding the very same form he left on the bed last night, that he finally shook the last of his morning grogginess.
Eyes widening, he stared at it, wondering what he did to get his father to finally agree. He couldn't even imagine what camping with him would be like, he had never spent actual time with the man. It was weird to think, seeing as that was his Dad. Every other kid in his school spent time with their Dad's, and now finally, he was going to get to as well.
''I've got places to be, hurry up and take your paper.'' Howard said, looking him straight in the eye.
''Right,'' he replied, stepping forward to accept it. As he looked down, the grin that was forming on his face, slowly faded. Looking back up, he saw his father turn and leave, reaching for his drink on the way out.
A mixture of anger and pure hurt filled his eyes with tears. The paper was blank. Howard handed him, a blank piece of paper. He had to know the excitement his son would feel when he saw him standing there with it, first thing in the morning. He had to know there were better ways to turn a person down, then let them fester over it all night, then walk away as any hope he ever had of having a relationship with his father died right there. It wasn't coming back either, because to anyone else that paper was blank, but to Tony, he could read quite clearly the denial scrawled across the bottom in bold, right where his Father's name should've been.
''I don't like being handed things.'' He said from then on out. Not because he was extra. Not because he lived to be an inconvenience, trying his very best to annoy everyone around him. Because his own father, looked him in the eye, as he handed him the most painful rejection a boy could face, and never made an attempt to mend it.
Looking at Peter, he didn't get it. In the short time he knew this kid, he knew he would do anything for him. He knew he wanted to watch him grow up, he knew he wanted to be with him the whole way, he knew he wanted everything to go perfect for him, but he also knew that wasn't possible. So, he knew he wanted to be there when it didn't. Howard had twenty-one years to do all those things and he didn't.
At that moment, Tony looked up. He closed his eyes, lifted his head and swore by God that he is not like Howard Stark. This kid deserved so much more, and Tony promised he was going to do his best, to be all of that.