We don't have a normal. How the fuck do you have a normal when you're the captain of a pirate ship and your girlfriend rides monsters into battle?

Now that's a thought I try not to dwell on, about a conversation we've never really had. I know she doesn't love me, not the same way I love her. Not yet. But we're girlfriends or something close to it and that's probably the closest to normal either of us will ever get.

But sometimes I catch how she looks at me and I think that maybe she does love me. And someday, she'll be ready to give me that promise.

Cas has her own cabin, my old one. I still can't quite believe that Santa Elena's quarters are mine now. They're not huge, not in the way that many other captains might have, but they're the largest ones on board and richly decorated with the spoils from a hundred ships. Santa Elena always had a rich eye.

The bed alone is bigger than Cas's cabin, and sometimes I joke that that's the reason that she sleeps here most of the time when she's not camped out on the training deck taking care of our overgrown turtle son.

Well, that and the windows. It's the only cabin with a view of the outside world. From here, sometimes, Bao was visible, though today there is just a fine mist and what looks like oncoming rain.

It's still early, and the Hellbeast we've been tracking has been tricky, so I roll over and slide my arm across Cas's waist. Typically, the situation is reversed, but today I'm making an exception. The rain starts to pelt the Minnow, ringing off of the hull and the deck and the glass of the windows, the ship rocking a little more than normal as whoever is at the helm turns her into the waves. I try to remember the duty roster, but give up for now.

As long as it doesn't turn into an actual squall or we sight the Hellbeast, I'm not moving. Cas is too warm and I'm too needy to want to let her go just yet. She shifts against me, snuggling back as if seeking out my warmth and I feel that familiar tug in my chest.

I'm not good with my words. In fact, I suck. But at moments like these it almost comes spilling out. I love her. I never say it, but she knows it, and she'd know it even if I'd never told her all those months ago, when I thought I'd never see her alive again.

But now it hangs between us. Every time she rides out on Bao's head, every time we face a Hellbeast. I can't give her special treatment, even if my style is decidedly less vicious than our last Captain's and even if she holds nearly the same position in the eyes of the crew as I do.

So I let her go, and pray she comes back to me. Most of the time I'm too busy keeping the ship from being torn to pieces by a genetically engineered horror to really worry about her and our own genetically engineered horror.

At least Bao likes me, which says a lot about what his master feels about me. I'll take what I can get. She commands that Reckoner, and I command the Minnow, and I guess that's as close to equal footing as we'll ever get, both Captains in our own way.

The rain grows louder and Cas stirs. I nuzzle the back of her shoulder, sliding my hand into her shirt as I spoon her. I swear I hear her smile, "Swift, where do you think your hand is going?"

I'd kill a man for that smile, "Here."

She groans as my hand squeezes her breast, and I grin into her skin. "I can stop."

Cas shifts back against me, pressing her chest against my hand and that's answer enough.

But I'm not in a hurry. Lazy, slow days are so infrequent for us that I want to indulge in it as long as I can and I know the crew wouldn't mind the break either, so until there's an emergency I'm going to make it a late morning.

I slid my hand down Cas's stomach, grinning as she reaches back with her hand to stroke my hair. I kiss her shoulder, then nibble lightly.

"Swift…" She sounds whiney, which I love, so I make a questioning sound, somewhere between a hum and a laugh, and tease my fingers around the waistband of her shorts.

"Fuck you."

"You're trying." I laugh when she tries to roll to face me, but I don't let her. Instead, I let my hand drift across her hip, moving my kisses to the back of her neck. She sighs, a mixture of defeat and need and starts to relax again.

This is what I need, and with how quickly she relaxed I know she needs it too. So I'm light with my touch on her breasts, and gentle with my hand between her legs. Her breathing grows ragged, her moans soft and quiet as she squirms back against me. I slide my left hand underneath her, trailing touches across her face and throat.

I'd discovered last month on accident that Cas is really into my hand at her throat, and knowing that she trusts me that much…

Her hips twitch, Cas lifting her leg to give my hand there more room. I'm so turned on that I forget how to breathe, which only gets worse when Cas pushes my hand harder against her throat.

It's still raining, light and gentle on the ship around us, but the only thing I can hear is the sound of Cas coming, my head spinning as I have a sympathy orgasm right along with her. Slowly, I still my hand, but don't move it. Slowly, our breathing returns to normal. Slowly, I let go of Cas's throat. Slowly, I mouth three words against her shoulder and let the tears slide down my cheeks.

We don't have a normal, we just have crisis after crisis.

But maybe this could be our normal. Rain pattering on the hull, Cas warm and fitted perfectly against me. And maybe I'm hearing things, maybe it's wishful thinking. But like a breath of a whisper against a sail, I think I hear Cas say she loves me too.