Chapter Nine: Disarm

Disarm you with a smile

And cut you like you want me to

Cut that little child

Inside of me and such a part of you

Ooh, the years burn

Ooh, the years burn

– The Smashing Pumpkins (covered by the Civil Wars), "Disarm"

After a flawless dinner, Relena decided that her sister-in-law deserved the mother of the year award.

From the laughter and easy conversation that flowed through the dining room all evening, Relena could see that her niece and nephew, Naina and Milou, were both well-fed and happy; each had a brightness in their eyes that could only come from growing up in a loving home. Relena tried to remember what that was like, and felt a fresh wave of guilt for denying Ellie a stable existence. Clearly, she needed to make more of an effort. But at least her daughter seemed to be enjoying her time with her cousins...

For just a moment, Relena allowed herself to relax, nursing her second glass of wine. Noin sat across from her at the dining room table, lingering over her wine as well. The kids were in the kitchen, all on cleanup duty, with Naina plating leftovers for her father to heat up when he got home while Milou helped Ellie with the dishes.

"Thank you again for the amazing meal," Relena said, tipping her glass toward Noin's. Her sister-in-law grinned and clinked their glasses together.

"It was nothing, but you're welcome." Noin paused to sip her wine. "And anyway, it's fun hanging out on a weeknight like this. We should do it more often."

"I agree. It's a nice break from routine," Relena said. Not that she had much of a routine these days, other than going to and from work, which was becoming more and more draining. She felt so groggy lately, she was lucky she had a driver to ensure she and Ellie got to their destinations safely each day. Today had been an exception; rarely did she rise extra-early these days. Doing mostly nothing on Sunday had probably helped with that. Even still, at the end of any given day, Relena found herself completely depleted.

She hoped having a hearty, home-cooked meal and wine would be enough to ensure a good night's sleep. Knowing the way her restless mind worked overtime in the wee hours, though, Relena wasn't counting on it.

Nearly finished with her wine, Relena began to worry her bottom lip, and was wondering if her struggles were so apparent when Noin laid a hand on her arm.

"Hey," Noin said softly, her violet eyes swimming. "Are you really okay?"

The gentle question was nearly enough to break the dam that Relena barely managed to keep from bursting and pulling her under. Blinking to keep tears at bay, she forced a nod. Noin tipped her head to the side as if studying Relena more closely.

"Well," Noin said after a beat, "if you ever need help with anything, I'm here."

"I know." Relena nodded again, hoping she didn't look as pathetic as she felt. "Thank you."

"And you know your brother would do anything for you," Noin added, her tone and expression vehement.

Relena laughed dryly. "I know that, too. And I appreciate the both of you, more than you'll ever know."

Noin reached across the table to squeeze Relena's hand. "That's what family's for. We should make more plans so we can get through this never-ending winter with our sanity intact. Relatively," Noin added with a wink.

Relena agreed, wanting nothing more than to fill her calendar with events and activities to keep her occupied for the next several weeks. "Spring will be here soon enough," she said with as much optimism she could muster.

"Yes, and then your birthday," Noin chimed in.

"Ugh." Relena pressed a hand to her face. "Don't remind me."

"What? Thirty's not so bad. I mean, I got through it," Noin said with a shrug. "I've survived to the ripe ol' age of thirty-two, look at me!"

"It's not that…" Relena swung her eyes to the kitchen, where Ellie was giggling and chattering with her two older cousins. Noin followed her gaze.

"Right. You don't think… things will be resolved by then?" Noin splayed her hands. Relena sighed and twisted the stem of the wine glass in her hand.

"Who knows…" She didn't want to dwell on it, but in her heart Relena doubted that life would be back to normal by the time her birthday rolled around. She certainly had little to celebrate about turning thirty and didn't want to be reminded of that.

"Well, then. Let's just make other plans for now," Noin said breezily. Relena appreciated that her sister-in-law wasn't harping on the subject. This was why they were also friends.

"How about you and Ellie come over Friday and spend the night?" Noin suggested. "Then Zechs can hang out with the kids on Saturday while we go get our nails done."

Relena loved that idea, and was about to say so, when she remembered… "I have plans Friday night."

Noin's brows lifted. "Oh?"

Relena nodded. "Dinner. With a colleague." She tried to sound nonchalant, but the heat fanning her cheeks surely gave her away.

"A colleague, huh?" Noin glanced back at the kitchen, dropping her voice. "And is this colleague male?"

"Yes, but it's not what you think," Relena said, willing her face to stop flaming. "It's a work thing."

"Right…" Noin leaned forward in her chair. "Who is this guy, anyway?"

"Dr. Paul Montogomery."

"Never heard of him…"

"He's a doctor–"

"I gathered." Noin rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't finished," Relena snapped, growing slightly irritated. "He heads a non-profit called Healing Hearts. It's the only volunteer medical organization that serves both the Earth sphere and colonies."

Her sister-in-law did not appear impressed, keeping one brow arched.

"He spoke at the charity gala the other night. You know, the one you skipped?" Relena couldn't resist adding. Noin waved a hand.

"Go to one charity gala, you've been to them all."

"Well, this was for an important cause."

"Sure." Noin gave a shrug. "So what's this guy want with you, anyway?"

Relena straightened in her seat. "There are all kinds of ways that ESUN, particularly the Foreign Affairs office, can offer support. With grants, and possible legislation, and…"

"Uh-huh." Noin's eyes rolled again. "You're sure this dinner is really just a 'work thing'?"

Relena stiffened. "Well, what if it's not? I'm allowed to date if I want."

"Are you?"

Heat lashed Relena's face and neck. "I certainly should be, after what Heero did to me..."

"After what you think Heero did," Noin cut in. "You don't know for sure that anything happened."

Relena gaped at her sister-in-law. "You're defending him?"

Noin shrugged again. "Not necessarily. But I don't have all of the information. Until we know what actually went down, I'm not gonna judge him for it."

Relena's ears were starting to burn. Noin shook her head to the side. "Come on, don't look at me like that, Lena. He's still my brother-in-law, and my kids' uncle. And a damn good one at that."

Relena threw up her hands. "I can't believe I'm hearing this right now."

"Well, I wasn't going to say it, but I think you're being a little hard on him."

Noin's words were a fresh slap in the face, and Relena had to work to rein in her temper. "Really. And what would you do in my situation?"

"Oh, I'd give Zechs hell, for sure." Noin made a fist for emphasis. "And if I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he'd cheated on me? There'd be no mercy."

Now it was Relena's turn to roll her eyes. "And then you'd give him second and third and hundredth chances…"

Noin's gaze softened. "Well, yeah. There's really nothing Zechs could do to get rid of me. I always thought you felt the same about Heero."

Relena bit her lip, not wanting to explain how deeply Heero's betrayal hurt her. She thought Noin of all people would understand, which was why she was one of the few people Relena had told about Heero's possible – no, probable – infidelity.

Noin gave a deep sigh. "Well, regardless of my opinion of the situation, only you can decide what to do about it."

Relena felt her anger ebb slightly. "I appreciate that."

"But I think you need to at least tell Ellie what's going on," Noin added softly.

"Believe me, I will," Relena sighed, as a fresh wave of guilt slammed into her. "It's just… one thing at a time, you know?"

"I know," Noin said, although she couldn't possibly know. Milliardo would never cheat on Noin; of that, Relena was certain.

The women wrapped up their charged conversation just in time, as the kids came bounding out of the kitchen.

"Mom, can we try calling Daddy tonight?" Ellie sidled up to Relena, tilting her head to the side, sending long honey-colored hair swinging. She was Relena's mini in every way, save for her midnight-blue eyes.

Relena turned to her daughter, ignoring a reproachful look from Noin. "I don't know, sweetie…"

Ellie's lower lip jutted out. "But maybe he's moved to a place where he can get calls now?" she asked hopefully. "We have to try, right?"

The girl was nothing if not determined. Much like someone else she knew…

"We'll see when we get home, okay?" Relena leaned down to brush Ellie's bangs back, offering her brightest smile. Ellie beamed up at her in return.

No matter what happened, Relena would never forgive herself – or Heero – for breaking her little girl's heart.

A/N: If you're reading this... thank you, thank you, thank you!

You guys continue to blow me away with your feedback. You make my little writer's heart so happy; I want to give all of you hugs. WAHHHH!

I'm going to do my best to keep this going... Also, I need to be better about keeping up with your comments. Each one means so much to me. Working on original fiction feels like writing into the void, which is why I love this community so much. I'm happy to keep these fics coming, even though there aren't that many of us putting them out there nowadays. I keep wondering when I'll ever "grow up" from this fandom. The answer is... maybe never? Apparently the stories just grow up along with me (if you read my throwback one-shot Mission: Incognito then you know what I mean!).

Anyway, I will try to post another midweek update if I can. I hope your Monday wasn't too Monday-y. Blah. Mine kinda was but fic life makes everything better. :D

Hugs!

- RFP