Chapter Eleven: We Can Never Go Back

Remember when you loved me

Remember when I left

Remember that time it hurt like nothing else

Wanna try that again?

Remember when we fought together

It was us against the world

Remember how close we came

Wanna try that again?

But we can never go back

We can only go on and on…

– Joy Williams, formerly of The Civil Wars, "We Can Never Go Back"

Relena yanked her brush through her hair with far more force than she meant to, making herself wince at her reflection. Which she wasn't thrilled with, at the moment.

She'd picked up some new makeup on the way home from work the other night, including a palette that Jules swore by. But in Relena's opinion, everything was far too… pink. She took a step back and surveyed her face, scrunching her nose. She looked like a tarted-up flamingo. With a labored sigh, she did her best to tone everything down with her finishing powder and brush, blending her fuschia-colored cheeks into submission.

Part of her was surprised she was even going through with this dinner… date. Whatever it was. She decided it would be good for her, no matter how many chastising looks she had to endure from her sister-in-law. And Noin had given her plenty when Relena dropped Ellie off to spend the night with her cousins.

Quite frankly, Relena still didn't think she was the one that deserved to be chastised. Oh, she was going to let Heero have it, whenever they finally got around to speaking.

Three days. It had taken him three days to deign to return her call. Here she had extended an olive branch, and he had the gall to wait three whole days?! What was she, some first date he had to debate whether or not was worthy of a return phone call?! Please. She was so done. At this point, she was only willing to put up with her estranged husband, in very small doses, for Ellie's sake.

By the time Heero did call her, it was late Thursday night, and Relena was in no mood to answer, nor was she about to wake up Ellie to talk to him. So Relena waited until midday on Friday, when she was good and ready, to text Heero back. She decided she didn't really want to talk to him, after all; not when she had a lot of work to finish up before the end of the day so she could leave the office in plenty of time to get ready for her date. Dinner. Whatever.

Since then, she and Heero had exchanged a few texts back and forth, trying to firm up a time for him and Ellie to chat. Of course, Heero wanted to speak to Ellie right away, but Relena wanted to be there, or at least have a chance to coach Heero on what to say first. She needed to make sure he stuck to the same story– that he was traveling for work. Or, if Heero wasn't willing to outright lie, then he needed to agree to be vague about his whereabouts. At least until he and Relena could decide how to tell Ellie the truth. Which–

The shrill ring of her mobile stopped her thoughts cold. Relena glanced down at the phone on her vanity and the name on the caller I.D. in dismay.

"You have got to be kidding me."

Against her better judgment, Relena snatched up the phone.

"You have some nerve," she hissed.

"Why?" Heero sounded taken aback. His voice was level, though… normal, almost. He certainly didn't sound as haggard as Relena expected, since apparently he'd been out sick all week. Although Relena had to wonder if he'd been belly up at the nearest bar the entire time, or simply passed out at home. Or – worse – holed up with that girl he supposedly never really slept with.

Ha.

"Why," Relena said without bothering to answer Heero's question, "are you calling me now, when we agreed to talk this weekend?"

She heard him huff. "I'd like to speak to my daughter now. I've waited long enough."

"She's at a slumber party."

"Where?"

Relena stiffened. "I'm not telling you that; then you'll want to go there, and you can't–"

"Relena." Heero cut her off. "I have a right to know where my daughter is. And I have a right to see her." His tone had darkened. Relena refused to cower, though.

"You gave up any rights when you betrayed me."

A beat. "Relena, I didn't betray–"

"I'm not going there with you right now, Heero," Relena snapped. "If you want to speak to Ellie, you'll have to wait another day, like we agreed."

To her surprise, Heero let out a low sigh. "This isn't how this is supposed to work, Relena. I know you would prefer I see Ellie when you see fit, but we are talking about legalities here. You can't keep me from her any more. I've given you plenty of time to–"

"To what?" she interrupted.

"To… come to terms with things," Heero finished. Relena's blood was beginning to boil.

"Oh, really? How courteous of you."

There was another long pause. Relena could visualize Heero pinching the bridge of his nose, counting down from ten before addressing her again. It made her want to slap him. The thought that he had any right to be annoyed with her…

"Tomorrow," he said flatly. "That's final."

"Fine." Relena gave in to his demands, but only because she wanted to end this useless conversation already. "I'll text you in the morning and let you know when to call."

"No," Heero growled. "I'm coming over."

Relena's face and neck began to burn. "You can't just show up here."

"Why not?"

"B-because," Relena stammered, hating how flustered she was getting, hating how he was affecting her. "Ellie thinks you've been away."

"No shit," Heero deadpanned. "So we'll tell her I'm back now. It'll be a surprise."

Now Relena had to pinch her own nose. "Heero…"

"It'll be fine, Relena. You think I'm some crazed drunk or something? I'm not. I've just… been through hell lately." His voice was broken, and the sound of it nearly broke Relena. Damn him for doing that to her, too. He knew how she couldn't stand knowing he was hurt.

"You've been through hell?" She laughed dryly. "Please." There. She wasn't going to let his words hold any sway over her. No way.

"I know you have, too." Heero's voice had softened, which only irritated her further. "We need to talk, Relena."

"No, we don't," she said firmly.

"Yes, we do," Heero said with equal force. "We can't keep going on like this."

Relena chewed her bottom lip, not knowing how to answer that. Of course they couldn't avoid everything forever, although that would be ideal. They sure as hell couldn't go back to the way things used to be, either. But she didn't think that needed saying.

Another beat passed before Heero spoke again.

"Look," he said, sounding weary. "At the very least, we need to come up with some kind of schedule for Ellie that we can both agree on, until we decide on a more… long-term solution."

Relena continued to worry her lip, not answering. She heard Heero sigh again.

"Please, Relena… I don't want to have to take you to court." His voice caught, and her throat tightened. "I love you."

Relena clutched a hand to her chest. It took several deep, calming breaths before she could answer Heero. And by then, tears were prickling her eyes.

"Don't you say that to me," she whispered, shaking all over. "Don't you dare."

"It's the truth."

Oh, she was burning now. Her blood had truly boiled over, and everything she'd been suppressing all these weeks – all her pain, all her hurt, all her anger and anxiety and insecurities and fears – exploded inside of her like a pent-up volcano.

She screamed. She didn't even know what she was screaming… something incoherent but awful and… nothing she had ever screamed before. Not at Heero. Not at anyone.

And then it was over, and there was nothing but silence on the other end. Not wanting to wait for a response, rage still spilling over, Relena chucked her phone at the wall with all her might. It didn't even leave a dent, just fell in a near-silent poof onto her plush carpet, which was quite anticlimactic after her tirade.

Relena wasn't even sure if the phone was broken, or had even disconnected the call. She didn't care. She slumped onto the floor, curled herself into a ball and wept, ruining whatever remained of her makeup, and her evening.

A/N: Uh... happy Monday? lol

- RFP