Chapter Fifteen: If You Knew

Why do you keep looking out the window?

Is there something left behind or never found?

Hmm, do I even want to know?

Oh, if you knew what I was thinking

I wonder if they'd even draw a tear

Oh, there's just one way to find out...

– The Civil Wars, "Go"

Relena pressed her forehead against the passenger-side window, savoring the feel of the cool glass on her blazing skin as she watched the Brussels cityscape whiz by.

She was grateful that Heero, who was all but racing to the hospital, had finally stopped peppering her with questions about her evening. But that was probably because she'd mentioned that continuing to talk would only induce vomit, and she knew how much Heero valued the upholstery in his luxury SUV.

Oh, yes. That had shut him up nicely.

Relena wouldn't be surprised, though, if Heero ended up going to the restaurant later and launching a full-blown investigation. He'd likely succeed in getting the place shut down. She wished he would just let the matter drop, but she knew him far too well... He was like a dog with a bone.

She could glimpse his reflection in the window now; his jaw was clenched as he gazed forward, that unmistakable determination etched into his features. She could practically see his mind whirring. No, he wasn't about to let this rest. Not until he'd uncovered every breadcrumb– literally.

Relena sighed inwardly as Heero guided his car into a spot near the hospital's emergency entrance. Just being back in the familiar surroundings brought on a wave of nostalgia that she was not prepared to experience.

Not only was it the same hospital where Ellie was born… it was arguably where Relena's and Heero's romantic relationship began.

This was the very hospital where Relena had brought Heero after the infamous Mariemaia Incident, back on Christmas Eve, A.C. 196. At the time, Relena thought Heero would be furious to know that she was the one who'd admitted him; but he surprised her with how well he took everything. Of course, he was battered and exhausted; perhaps that was why he readily agreed to stay with Relena while he recovered, something else she had expected him to oppose. But to her surprise, and delight, he stayed… and stayed. One week turned into two. And then months passed. Heero joined her security detail. And then, over time, their friendship blossomed into something more… much more.

Less than two years later, Relena was pregnant with Ellie. And then they were married.

But sometimes, in the back of her mind, Relena had to wonder if the whole thing started because Heero was simply too tired to argue with her. Then they became involved and he got stuck.

Well, they weren't stuck any more, were they?

Relena's thoughts scattered as Heero turned off the engine and turned to her. "Feeling any better?"

She just shook her head to the side. Heero frowned and leaned forward, reaching a hand up to her face. Relena tensed as his fingers brushed her forehead, then shivered. His hand was cold.

"You're still warm," he murmured.

"Hmm," was all she managed.

Heero dropped his hand and unfastened his seatbelt. Wordlessly, he let himself out of the car. Relena waited for him to come around to her side, feeling woozier than she cared to admit. Heero opened the passenger door and extended a hand to her. And as much as she wanted to take care of herself, Relena slipped her hand into his and allowed him to pull her out of the vehicle.

They walked in silence to the hospital entrance, stepping through the automatic doors, into a full waiting room. Relena looked around in dismay. She didn't know how long she could sit in a room bursting with so many other sick and injured people. Her stomach began to churn again.

Heero steered her toward the reception desk. He did all the talking to check Relena in, and the receptionist typed in her information.

Already feeling like going there was a mistake, Relena sank into the nearest open seat, and Heero sat beside her. Several minutes ticked by; Relena sat staring at a bulletin board on the opposite wall, straining to read the posters under the fluorescent lighting. She was sweating, her head was pounding, and she felt as if she were going to be sick again any moment. It was only by sheer force of will that she managed to keep from retching right there on the floor, in front of everyone.

It wasn't long before Relena's name was called. She was a bit taken aback, considering how many other people were waiting ahead of them.

"I hate when they do that," Relena muttered as a nurse led her and Heero through a set of metal doors.

"I know," he murmured in response, "but in this case, it's a blessing. Just be grateful."

Relena frowned but nodded, relieved that she didn't have to explain her feelings any further; Heero already knew that she hated receiving special treatment when there were so many others in need. And yet… it was nice to be able to say so little, and have someone understand so much. She'd forgotten how easy their communication could be sometimes.

The nurse brought them to an exam room, where he took Relena's vitals – she did, in fact, have a fever – then began to ask a series of routine questions.

"Do you smoke?"

Relena shook her head. "No."

"Drink?"

"Occasionally," Relena said, ignoring Heero's arched brow.

"Exercise?"

"Yes."

"Okay, great." The nurse tapped on his tablet, then glanced up briefly, looking from her to Heero. "Any chance you could be pregnant?"

Relena laughed. "God, no." She turned to look at Heero. His face was white as a sheet. She gaped at him in return. "What?"

His gaze slid to hers. "You sure about that?"

Relena pursed her lips. "Pretty sure…"

The nurse drummed against his tablet. "When was the date of your last period?"

"Um..." Relena felt herself flush. She turned to Heero, like he would know… then again, he tracked so many things, he probably did know. But he just shrugged.

Shit.

"How about a test, just in case?" the nurse suggested. Relena found herself nodding. "Would you like some water?"

"No, thank you," Relena said quietly. All the while, her mind was racing. When was her last period, anyway? She honestly couldn't remember…

Stupid period.

Stupid her for forgetting her stupid period.

No… stupid Heero for ruining her life and making her feel so stupid, she could no longer remember things like her stupid period.

Next to her, she saw that Heero was tugging at his shirt collar, like the room had suddenly become suffocating to him. Well, she couldn't blame him… No, wait; yes she could. Because if she were pregnant, under these nothing short of terrible circumstances, it would be all his fault.

Well. Mostly his fault.

Fine. Fifty-percent his fault.

The nurse handed Relena a plastic sample cup and opened the door to the hallway, pointing out the nearest restroom. Relena just nodded, feeling numb, and wandered in the direction he pointed in, leaving Heero alone in the exam room.

As she entered the restroom, armed with her little cup, she automatically sent up a prayer.

Please, God… please…

But as Relena prepared to do what she needed to do, she realized that she didn't even know what, exactly, she was praying for.

Heero was aware of two things.

One: there was a distinct possibility that his wife was pregnant. Even though they had been separated for nearly two months, they had made love right before Heero left on his mission. If Relena hadn't had a period since then, well. The writing was on the wall.

Two: his accidental one night stand could also be pregnant. Had already indicated that she was pregnant. If she was even telling the truth, of which Heero was highly skeptical. But he hadn't had a chance to look into the matter further, to try to prove that she had not only falsified their encounter, but also her alleged pregnancy.

And yet, if the worst case scenario turned out to be reality…

Shit.

Heero was not prepared for this.

This could not be happening.

Shit.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

Heero sat, twitching, trying to regain his composure before Relena came back into the room. He couldn't tell her… not just yet. There was a great deal he needed to tell her, but this… this would have to wait.

First things first.

The door opened and Relena reentered the room, looking as somber as Heero felt. She sat back down on the exam table and glanced in his direction.

"So…"

"So," Heero echoed.

Relena laughed dryly. "Well. This is awkward."

Heero leaned forward in his seat. "Do you think... you really might be pregnant?"

Relena lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "I don't know. Maybe."

Heero felt all his muscles tense. "If… if you were…"

Relena loosed a breath. "Look, we don't have to get into this now..."

"I just want us to be prepared for the possibility."

Relena nodded slowly. "All right..."

"So…" Heero leaned forward again, his eyes seeking hers. Finally, Relena met his gaze. She looked a little shaken, uncertain. Well, that made two of them…

"If you were…" Heero started again. "Would that change anything?"

For a moment, Relena looked as if he'd just doused her with a bucket of ice water. She blinked. "Well. I…"

They were interrupted by the nurse poking his head in the door. "Dr. Jansen is just finishing up with another patient. She'll be with you shortly."

Relena smiled in his direction. "Thank you."

The nurse closed the door, leaving them alone again. Heero waited for Relena to answer his question. But her eyes were downcast, her fingers twisting a loose thread on the hem of her dress.

Against his better judgment, he found himself reaching for her hands. They felt clammy in his own, which troubled him, even though he was also relieved that she didn't immediately pull away.

"Relena… you know that no matter what happens… whether you're pregnant or sick or…" She lifted her eyes to meet his, looking wary. Heero drew in a deep breath. "Whatever happens," he plowed ahead, "I'm here for you. All right?"

Relena looked down at their joined hands, then back up at his face. She opened her mouth to answer, but the door opened again.

This time, a middle-aged woman with chestnut-colored hair swept in. "Good evening," she said warmly, smiling at Relena and Heero. "I'm Dr. Jansen. Nice to meet you both."

Heero nodded curtly, willing the doctor to cut to the chase. Her next words could change everything.

"Well, this appears to be a nasty bout of food poisoning." The doctor pulled a face. "I'll give you something now for the nausea and fever, but after that, something over the counter will be fine."

Relena nodded. "Okay. Thank you."

"You should start to feel better in the next few days," the doctor added. "But if not, call me and we'll start you on a course of antibiotics."

"What about the pregnancy test?" Heero cut in. He couldn't help it.

"Negative," Dr. Jansen said absently. "As I said, this seems to be just food poisoning."

"Right." Heero turned back to Relena. He wasn't sure, but for a split second, he thought he saw a flicker of disappointment cross over her features.

As they drove home in silence, Heero felt an ache he hadn't anticipated. He didn't understand why; it was better that she wasn't pregnant. A pregnancy would have only further complicated their already complicated situation.

He came to a traffic light and eased the car to a stop. Heero stole a glance at Relena as she sat sulking out the passenger window. He realized he would have given anything to know what she was thinking in that moment, but he didn't dare ask.

Then again, maybe he was better off not knowing.

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's been reviewing this story! This just reached 101 reviews as of today, and I'm so excited and honored! I just had to rush out another chapter to say thank you; hopefully I'll be able to get the next installment out to you soon. In the meantime, I'm trucking along with my original sci-fi/fantasy novel for NaNoWriMo, and I'm happy to report that it's finally starting to come together and resemble an actual story, lol... Fingers crossed I can keep up this writing momentum for a long, long time. :D

Anyway, happy Hump Day and thank you again!

Love love love,

- RFP