Chapter Twenty-One: Same Old, Same Old

I wanna leave you

I wanna lose us

I wanna give up

But I won't

I wanna miss this

I want a heartache

I wanna run away

But I won't

Do I love you

Oh, I do

And I'm going to till I'm gone

But if you think that I can stay

In this same old, same old

Well, I don't

I don't

The Civil Wars, "Same Old Same Old"

"Dad, I found the ginger!"

Ellie came bounding up to the grocery cart, beaming in triumph as she held out a small glass jar. Heero smiled down at his daughter.

"Nice work," he said, "but we need the raw kind, not minced."

Ellie stuck out her lower lip. "How come? Isn't that more work? This one's already been done for you."

"True, but it's healthier in raw form." Heero scanned the produce aisle until he spotted a basketful of the gnarled-looking root. "Over there."

Ellie sighed and stomped over to the section he'd pointed out. "How many?" she called over her shoulder.

Heero smiled as he watched her from the cart. He enjoyed having his daughter as his grocery buddy and wanted to teach her where to find the items she'd need for survival – not that she could find everything in a grocery store – but he always kept a close eye on her in public. She was also the daughter of a famous politician, after all, and even if she wasn't, predators could be lurking anywhere.

"Two to four is fine," Heero answered her. Ellie arched a single brow, an expression that made her look just like her mother.

"So, three then," Ellie decided. But then she dropped four into the bag for good measure. Heero chuckled as she ambled back over to him. "Ta-da!" she announced, dropping the bag into their cart.

"Good job," Heero said, pushing the cart up the aisle. "Now find the turmeric."

Ellie tapped her chin and looked all around them, until her eyes landed on another pile of roots. "It's right by the ginger! You could have said…"

Heero chuckled as she bounded off. This was by far the best Saturday afternoon he'd had in a long time. Taking Ellie grocery shopping had been his idea, and Relena had readily agreed to it. She'd gone back to bed, and he decided to make good on his promise to make her soup from scratch. And Ellie had been all too eager to help.

They continued locating the rest of the soup ingredients Heero would need: garlic, carrots, scallions, bok choy, tofu, miso paste and rice noodles. Ellie was animated as she asked about each item and why it was needed.

"What makes raw so much healthier, anyway?"

"Because it's pure and unprocessed, and therefore retains its original nutrients. Most food is healthiest in raw form," Heero explained.

Ellie's nose crinkled. "Even meat?"

"Sometimes," Heero said with a chuckle. "Depends."

"So what's so good about… this stuff?" Ellie plucked the bag of turmeric up and dropped it back in the cart.

"Turmeric," Heero said. "It's anti-inflammatory."

Ellie's brow furrowed. "What does that mean?"

"What do you think it means?" Heero steered their cart toward the checkout queue.

"Anti means 'non,' so non-inflammatory…" Ellie paused. "But what's 'inflammatory'?"

"To be inflamed, or have inflammation," Heero said.

"You know you're not supposed to use the same word to define a word, right?" Ellie stuck her tongue out at him.

"Who told you that, your mother?" Heero teased. "Inflammation basically means swelling. Swelling causes pain. It can also signify infection. So when the body is sick, it's fighting against inflammation."

"Ah." Ellie nodded sagely. "That makes sense. So this soup will take away all of Mom's inflammation, right?"

"That's the idea." Heero eased his cart forward as the line moved up.

Ellie moved alongside him, reaching up to tug on the sleeve of his coat. "You love Mom a lot, huh?"

Heero shot her a sidelong glance. "What do you think?"

"Duh." Ellie rolled her eyes playfully. "So. If our house was burning down, who would you rescue first? Me or Mom?"

Heero pretended to be horrified by his daughter's macabre imagination. "That's dark."

"Come on, Dad, just answer the question." Ellie planted both her hands at her hips, looking far too serious for a ten-year-old in her fuzzy pink coat.

"You," Heero answered without hesitation.

Ellie gasped. "How would Mom feel about that?!"

"Your mother would say the same thing," Heero said. "Although I'd probably just carry both of you." Which would still be feasible for some time, unless Ellie were to have a sudden growth spurt.

"Well, if I were big enough, I'd save the both of you, too." Ellie tipped her head to the side and looked up at Heero thoughtfully. "Because I love you both the same."

Her words pierced Heero right through the heart, leaving a crater-sized ache in his chest. "And your mother and I love you the same," he said softly.

Ellie beamed up at him, her sweet expression belying her solemn words. And Heero had to wonder if his ten-year-old was even more astute than he'd thought.

Relena's eyes glazed over as she stared straight ahead at the TV screen. One of Ellie's favorite movies was playing – one they'd all seen so many times, they knew most of the dialogue by heart – so Relena had stopped paying attention shortly after it started. But then it was difficult to focus her attention on anything but the man sitting so closely to her.

Ellie was nestled between her parents, snuggling the both of them, continually bringing Relena and Heero into contact. Heero's arm was braced behind the couch, but every time Ellie moved, his hand would dip down and brush Relena's shoulder. Months ago, she wouldn't have even noticed or thought anything of it. But now, after being apart for so long, every new touch sent shivers rushing down her spine. Relena knew she was being silly. This was the man she'd been married to for over ten years, the only man she'd ever been with… at this point, an innocent touch from him should not be so exciting. And yet, somehow it was.

And just like that, Relena knew she was in danger of breaking the promise she'd made to herself. To be strong. To resist. She wasn't going to just fall back into Heero's arms like nothing had gone wrong. There was no denying that things had changed between them; they had both made mistakes, and they needed to acknowledge that.

But at the same time, Relena had already decided to forgive him. Her heart had made up her mind for her.

Heero had really outdone himself today, cooking dinner from scratch and insisting on doing all the cleanup, although Ellie had helped on both fronts. Not that this was the deciding factor for Relena, but it certainly hadn't hurt. The miso ginger ramen he'd made was delicious, and Relena had managed to keep it down, even hours later. She reasoned her husband knew what he was doing. Ellie had raved over the soup as well, and spent dinner regaling Heero with tales of Relena's unfortunate cooking experiments over the past two months that resulted in a lot of wasted food and last-minute takeout orders. Heero had practically roared with laughter– a rare sight and sound from her often taciturn husband. It made Relena realize just how much she'd missed him these past several weeks– his laugh, his cooking, his mere presence.

She snuck a sidelong glance of Heero out of the corner of her eye, studying his handsome features. From his unruly mop of hair that he always kept around the same length, mostly to appease her – she'd always begged him to never go too short – to his perfectly symmetrical nose and strong jawline. He had strong, well-defined cheekbones, too; he could have been a model, but had chosen a much nobler profession. Not that she could picture Heero modeling…

The thought made her giggle. Ellie giggled, too, probably assuming Relena was laughing at the movie. But Heero glanced over at Relena, and smiled when he caught her eye.

Relena flushed and cleared her throat. "I'll be right back." She shifted in her seat before Heero's hand could land on or near her again.

"You'll miss the best part!" Ellie whined.

"I'll only be a minute," Relena promised. "I just need a drink."

"No wine for you," Heero said sternly from his seat. Relena scoffed playfully at him.

"So judgy."

"You're still sick."

She spun on her heel to look back at him, planting her hands at her hips. "I was thinking more along the lines of tea, thankyouverymuch."

"I'll help." Heero got up from his seat, eliciting another complaint from their daughter.

"Daaaaad…"

"Just a sec, Ellie."

Ellie threw her hands up dramatically. "Ugh, fine! I'll pause it."

"Don't bother." Heero winked at Relena as he made his way over to her. She folded her arms over her chest and smiled wryly at him.

"I don't need your help, you know."

"Anything to get away from this goddamned movie," he muttered. He was standing close enough to her that his breath tickled her ear, causing Relena to shiver as he brushed past her. She stood processing her reaction for a beat before joining Heero in the kitchen.

She found him turning the burner on the stove and filling the ceramic kettle with water. Relena stopped at the island and leaned her elbows on the marble counter, watching him set about his task.

"What kind of tea do you want?" Heero started rifling through the metal canisters of loose leaf varieties.

"Hmm…" Relena tapped her finger to her chin. "Maybe chamomile, with some rosehips?"

Heero located the glass teapot and a spoon and started scooping out a combination of tea leaves into the top of the teapot. And Relena couldn't help smiling as she watched the man who was so often referred to as the "Perfect Soldier" doing such simple domestic tasks with no qualms whatsoever. But it had taken Relena years to break him in, and they had come a long way. Her heart fluttered as she thought back to those early days. They were only teenagers when they got married; neither of them knew anything about living with another person, and suddenly they were a married couple with a baby on the way. They'd endured a sharp learning curve over the years, to put it mildly.

Relena found herself smiling as memory after memory flooded her mind.

"Heero…" She kept her elbows on the counter, sinking her cheek into her palm. "Do you remember the first time Ellie had a fever?"

"Yeah." He chuckled as he glanced back at her. "We freaked out and rushed her to the hospital..."

"For that and every other fever that first year." Relena laughed. "Those first few months especially."

Heero crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter. "Other than that, you refused to leave the house with her all winter."

"I was afraid she'd catch cold!"

"You were slightly paranoid." Heero's lips twitched.

"I was a little neurotic, okay?" Relena rolled her eyes, although she was still smiling. "All new mothers are."

"Neurotic is one way to put it." Heero's eyes held a teasing glint. Relena glared at him in response.

"You've had your moments too, you know…"

Heero scoffed. "Name one."

"Oh, let's see... " Relena's eyes drifted to the ceiling. "You freaked out every time Ellie ever spit up."

Heero's eyes rolled. "I did not."

"Did, too. You were convinced she was dying every time."

"What about that time she threw up blood? I'd say my concern was warranted."

"That happened all the time, you just didn't always see it," Relena said. "It was just blood from my chafed nipples." Heero's eyes bulged, and she laughed. "You don't remember that?"

Heero blanched. "I'm trying very hard not to."

Relena was on a roll. "How about… how you didn't sleep for months, because you insisted on watching over Ellie all night because you were so afraid she was going to stop breathing?"

Heero gaped at her. "She did stop breathing. All the time."

"Yes, well, babies hold their breath sometimes." Relena shrugged while Heero shook his head.

"It was terrifying." Relena had to agree with him – and she'd been up countless nights with Ellie, too – but the memories only made her smile.

"How about all those times we woke her up on purpose, just so we could hold her?"

Heero finally smiled at that. "Yeah…"

Relena's heart fluttered again. "Heero… about last night."

"What about last night?" he quipped, smirking at her. "You mean when you were about to blow my head off, or take out one of my eyes with your high heels?"

"Not that." Her face flamed. "I was thinking about the pregnancy test."

"Yeah?" She had his full attention now. He straightened his posture, his expression immediately sobering.

"Yes. I…" Relena lowered her eyes to the marble countertop and began twisting her wedding band around her finger. Despite everything, she'd never taken it off. Ellie would have noticed, for one thing, and someone in public was bound to as well. But Relena thought perhaps there were other reasons she kept it on, even while showering or sleeping.

She raised her eyes back up to Heero, who looked just as pale as he had in the hospital the night before, when they were waiting for the test results.

"What about it?" he asked tersely.

Here goes. Relena took a deep breath. "I… was hoping it was positive."

Heero's brows lifted momentarily before his features relaxed. "So was I," he murmured. Then he looked off to the side, and Relena wondered if he might be reconsidering.

She lowered her eyes back to the counter. "Well… I guess that's that."

The high-pitched whistle of the teakettle sliced through their conversation. Heero immediately busied himself turning off the kettle and pouring the water over the metal strainer and into the teapot. He moved mechanically from task to task, and Relena could only conclude that this discussion bothered him. What she didn't understand was why. After all the trouble he'd gone through today, she assumed he wanted to repair their marriage; and he'd said as much earlier. So why would talk of a possible pregnancy upset him now?

As the tea steeped, the warm, soothing aroma of herbs permeated the air around them, but did little to calm Relena's frazzled nerves. She watched numbly as Heero poured a cup from the teapot, brought it over to her side of the island and set it before her, keeping his eyes downcast all the while.

"Heero…" Relena started, fiddling with her ring once more. "You said… you said that you wanted to fix this. Do you, still?"

For an agonizing beat, he didn't answer, his expression unreadable. Relena held her breath while Heero drew in a long, shaky one of his own. She could understand his hesitation, given the way she'd treated him, but his silence was killing her.

At last, he raised his head to meet her gaze, and Relena was caught off-guard by the tears she saw glistening in his eyes. It was the second time she'd seen Heero cry that day; it had to be some kind of record for him.

"Of course I do," he said, his low voice rumbling, his eyes searching hers. "Do you?"

Relena's throat tightened, but she managed to nod fiercely. "Yes," she whispered.

Heero looked like he didn't quite believe her, his eyes swimming with uncertainty. "You're sure?"

Relena nodded again, wondering how many times she was going to have to reassure him before he'd take her at her word. Perhaps, this time, she needed to show him.

She moved from her side of the island to his, taking the last few steps over to him until they stood mere inches apart. Heero didn't move while Relena pressed both of her palms against his broad chest. She could feel his heart thundering along with her own. His eyes continued to sift hers, but he brought one hand up to rest on her waist; he lifted his other hand to her face, brushing his knuckles against her cheek. Relena closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.

Heero finally closed the distance between them, pressing their foreheads together. Relena took in a deep inhale, breathing in the woodsy scents of his body wash and aftershave. Scents that had taken weeks to wash out of their bedding, that she missed as soon as they were gone. She opened her eyes again so that she could look deeply into his, and was instantly drawn in to the midnight-colored depths that continued to haunt her dreams. Heero's eyes were still swirling with emotion as he cupped her face.

"Relena…" he murmured, his lips torturously close to hers. "I'm sorry. I…"

Relena shook her head, briefly severing their contact. "No," she whispered. "No more apologies. Not right now." Relena moved her hands from Heero's chest to the sides of his face, holding him in place. "I love you, Heero."

His eyes widened, and Relena stood on tiptoe to kiss him.

And, as was all too common in their household, their child chose that very moment to interrupt them.

"You guyyyyyys," Ellie wailed from the kitchen entryway. "What about the movie?"

Relena paused, her hands still holding Heero's face, both of his now gripping her waist. His solemn expression relaxed as his eyes flitted over to Ellie.

"Sorry, Ells, we were just–"

"Kissing?" Ellie heaved a dramatic sigh. "Don't let me stop you. Just hurry up and kiss already so we can get back to the movie, okay?"

Relena and Heero looked at one another helplessly. "You heard the girl," Relena teased. "Hurry up and kiss me already."

Heero quirked a brow but otherwise obeyed, brushing his lips against Relena's in the barest, briefest of kisses. It was almost cruel, really. Relena sighed as they broke apart.

"You'll have to do better than that later," she teased. Heero shrugged and gave her a faint smile as they left the kitchen and returned to the living room together.

The family of three resumed their previous positions on the couch. But this time, Relena kept one hand on her cup of tea, while the other drew lazy circles on Heero's forearm until his hand seized hers, and they twined their fingers together.

A/N: Hey, friends! Sorry it's taken a minute to update this story, but I've had to take a few detours to work on other things. It's nice to be back in business, although it seems things are about to hit the fan... I'm not exactly dying to get to the next part, but this story has to end some day, right? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the latest installment! More to come soon, I hope...

Hugs!

- RFP