Chapter Twenty-Five: Don't Let Go

I don't wanna talk right now

I just want your arms wrapped around

Me and this moment before time runs out

Oh, don't say that it's over

Oh, no, say it ain't so

Let's let the stars watch

Let them stare

Let the wind eavesdrop

I don't care

For all that we've got

Don't let go

Just hold me

- The Civil Wars, "Eavesdrop"

It was after midnight, and Heero was trying not to obsess over the fact that he hadn't heard from his wife in hours. Trying, but failing miserably.

He did everything he could think of to keep himself busy around the house. After an hour-long workout in the basement gym, he'd taken a shower and changed into a clean pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, grateful he still had plenty of clothes at the house, even more grateful that Relena hadn't gotten rid of any, or burned them in a fit of rage. Then he'd half-heartedly dug into some work, but his attention kept straying from the reports he was supposed to be reading. Finally, he'd gotten up from his computer and wandered around, tidying rooms at random. Not that the house really needed tidying; their trusted housekeeper, Francesca, kept everything immaculate. As he needlessly fluffed a throw pillow, Heero wondered if Francesca knew of his and Relena's separation, or whether she bought into the lie that he'd been on a mission all this time…

Speculating was useless, though, and Heero soon grew tired of straightening objects that didn't need straightening. All he wanted to do was call Relena, but he knew that was useless, too.

Finally, he caved to temptation and picked up his phone, but instead of his wife, he called the man who was supposed to be looking after her. At the very least, Trowa should know where Relena was…

But Heero's call went straight to Trowa's voicemail, which wasn't even set up. Heero growled in annoyance, although he couldn't really blame Trowa; Heero never bothered to set up his voicemail, either.

He dialed Duo next, doubting his friend would have any clue what was going on, but needing someone to talk to, nevertheless. Duo answered right away, and it was immediately obvious that he was drunk.

"Heeeeeeey He-Man! What's shakin'?"

"Have you heard from Relena?" Heero asked without preamble.

"Yeah, she's right here. You didn't know that?"

"No," Heero sighed, both in annoyance and relief. "Put her on."

Duo snorted. "Yeahhh, I don't think she's gonna talk to you right now, man."

"Put me on speaker, then."

"Ohhh-kaaay, but it's your funeral."

"Relena," Heero sighed, "what are you doing?"

"Right now she's flipping off the phone," Duo announced.

"I'm speaking to my wife," Heero snarled.

"Well, she's not speaking to you," Relena slurred.

Heero rolled his eyes. "All right, then who am I speaking to?"

"That's not funny," she snapped.

"I didn't say it was," Heero said.

"What do you want, Heero?"

"I want to know where you are."

"I'm with Duo…"

"I gathered."

"At your place," she added.

"My place?" Heero echoed, his brows lifting. "Why?"

"Because Duo and Trowa were hanging out here and they invited me."

Trowa was there? Now it made sense. "Barton," Heero snarled, but no one responded. "Answer me."

"He left," Relena said. "It was weird," she went on, "he was all in a rush, like he suddenly remembered he had to be somewhere…"

"I'm not interested in the details," Heero cut in, the very idea of Relena hanging out in his crappy apartment, and his subordinates allowing this, irking him to no end. "When are you coming home?"

"You really want me to drive in this condition?"

"Your car has an autonomous mode," Heero said pointedly.

"I don't know how to use it."

"Have Duo show you."

"Duo is pretty much passed out on the floor right now."

It was clear Heero was rapidly losing this battle. He wanted to go and get Relena himself, but he knew he couldn't just leave Ellie, and he wasn't about to wake her up and take her…there. Relena had him, and they both knew it.

Heero heaved another sigh. "Fine. Just stay there. I'll see you in the morning."

Silence flowed for a moment. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Heero said simply, all the while wrestling the anxiety rising up inside him. "Have a good night."

He hung up before he could change his mind.

Relena woke up to a piercing pain in her skull. Her back hurt, too, due to spending the night on Heero's futon. Which she didn't even remember crawling into, but there she was, curled up on his tiny mattress in the tiny bedroom of his tiny apartment.

The events of the previous night came back to her in a kaleidoscope of images and sound: Heero telling her the truth about Raquel… Relena fleeing the house… Trowa calling to check on her…her showing up at Heero's place and drinking away her sorrows with Trowa and Duo, and...telling them everything.

Shit.

Her stomach pitched, and she clutched in vain at her abdomen, as if she could contain her stomach contents that way. It was a futile effort. She leaned over just in time to vomit into a nearby trash can...or what she hoped was a trash can, and not an expensive vase or something.

Why would Heero have an expensive vase, though? The absurdity of the thought struck her, and she huffed a laugh, which only hurt her stomach even more.

"Uhhhh," she moaned, collapsing back against Heero's sorry excuse for a bed. She felt…like shit. In fact, she'd felt like shit for some time, but even more so over the past few days. Between all the throwing up and crying and throwing up again...her body was wrecked.

On top of everything, her heart was what hurt her the most. It felt as if it were being ripped out of her chest. When would it ever stop hurting? When would she ever start feeling…normal again?

Relena took in a deep, shaky breath, and hoped this time, whatever was left in her stomach would stay put.

She could have laid there for a good long while feeling sorry for herself, but she heard commotion in the other room. The door to the apartment was opening. She heard footsteps, and voices. Duo, muffled and groggy, followed by a second male voice.

It was unmistakable.

"Shit," she groaned. She wanted to sink into the futon and hide, but there was no use. Much as she was dreading it, she and Heero needed to finish their conversation from the night before, no matter how uncomfortable that might be.

Speaking of uncomfortable…her full bladder reminded her that, like it or not, it was time to get up. Stifling another groan, Relena dragged herself from the futon and into the bathroom, which was thankfully accessible without having to leave the one bedroom. While she was in there, she could hear Heero and Duo talking in low tones, and the sound of the front door opening once again. From the sounds of it, Duo was the one leaving. Cursing to herself, Relena finished in the bathroom and slipped back into the bedroom, preparing herself to face her husband…

...who was entering the bedroom at the same time, holding a coffee cup in one hand, a paper bag in the other. The steamy aroma of fried food and bacon assaulted her senses.

Heero gave her a nod as he stepped into the room. "Morning."

"Hi," Relena said softly, momentarily frozen in place. Heero looked…good. Better than she did, that was for sure. He'd clearly showered and shaved; even a few feet away, she could smell his familiar woodsy aftershave. He was wearing a sweater she'd bought him for Christmas several years ago, along with jeans. And over his shoulder was slung an old lilac duffle bag of hers…

"You brought my bug-out bag?" she blurted, gaping at him. Heero gave her a half smile. The "bug-out bag" had been his idea, years ago–– that they should always have a bag of essentials packed and ready to take with them in case of an emergency.

A pang of guilt struck her as she realized Heero had been living out of his own duffel for the past several weeks, because of her. But he seemed nonplussed over the entire situation as he approached her side.

"Figured you'd want a change of clothes." He handed her the coffee and paper bag. "And some breakfast."

Relena arched a brow. "Hangover food?" She accepted the offering and plopped down on the futon, taking that first heavenly sip of coffee. Not just coffee, but a cappuccino made just the way she liked it, with an extra shot of espresso, extra foam, and a dash of cinnamon. "You shouldn't have," Relena said quietly, opening the bag to find a croissant stuffed with a fried egg, bacon and avocado. Heero just shrugged and sat down beside her on the futon.

Relena didn't think she could possibly be hungry at that point, but her stomach growled. She tucked into the sandwich gratefully, enjoying every buttery, flaky bite.

"So, what'd you do with Duo?" she asked between bites.

"He left," Heero said simply.

"He doesn't have a car," Relena pointed out. "Did you actually lend him yours?"

"No, yours."

Relena gaped at him. "You did not."

Heero cracked a smile. "No, I let him take mine."

"Wow…" Heero must have really wanted to talk to her alone, if he'd gone that far to get Duo out of the way. "What about Ellie?" Relena asked.

"I dropped her off at her Zechs and Noin's."

"Oh, goodness. We're really going to owe them."

"No kidding. Ellie said she feels like she lives there, and Aunt Lu and Uncle Mill ought to give her her own bedroom, and let her paint it purple," Heero drolled.

Relena couldn't help it; she burst out laughing. "That's our daughter, all right. Did she ask a million questions about what was going on?"

"Obviously."

"What did you tell her?"

"That her mother and I were dealing with a 'situation.'"

"Ah." Relena nodded, patting her mouth with a paper napkin. "So what time do we need to pick her up?"

"Our sister-in-law informed me that we'd better hurry up and finish arguing so we can go over there for brunch and cocktails."

"Hmm, well I don't know about brunch, but I could probably use a little hair of the dog…"

Heero gave her a sharp look. "I don't know that you should be having any more alcohol."

"You're one to talk," Relena snapped, instantly regretting it. Her cheeks flamed. "Sorry," she added more softly.

"Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about." Heero's mouth was set in a hard line, his eyes hooded. Observing him more closely, it was clear he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, despite the fact that he looked better than he had in weeks.

"Well, I am sorry for not coming home last night," Relena offered. "Really sorry," she added, patting the thin mattress beneath them. "I don't know how you could stand sleeping on this all this time."

Heero shrugged. "I've dealt with worse."

Relena pursed her lips. "Where did you sleep last night?"

"My office."

"Again?"

"Yeah."

Relena scoffed and shook her head. "Heero…"

"It was fine."

"Sure it was. You could have just slept in the bedroom, you know."

Heero lowered his gaze to the floor, staring hard at the gray utility carpeting. "It wouldn't have felt right."

"Tell me about it," Relena sighed. She took another gulp of her coffee, trying desperately to think of what else to say. She knew they really needed to talk, and they needed to move past this, but she didn't know how.

"I'm going to freshen up," she announced once she'd finished her breakfast. She tossed the paper bag and cup into the trash can, then grimaced. "I, uh, got sick in there earlier…"

"I noticed," Heero said. "I'll take care of it."

"Thank you." She scooped up her duffel bag and headed toward the bathroom. "How's the shower?" she called over her shoulder.

"Decent."

Relena set her bag on the bathroom sink and rifled around for her travel toothbrush. "Decent as in adequate?"

"By your standards?" She could hear the smirk in Heero's voice, even from the other room.

"Ha-ha," she retorted. "In that case, I think I'll take a bath instead. Assuming the tub is clean." She turned around to inspect it, pleased to find that it was nothing short of sparkling. But then this was Heero's place; modest as it was, he was neat and tidy as ever.

"Of course it's clean," came his reply. "I'm not an animal."

His voice was close. Relena turned to see him leaning in the doorjamb, his midnight-colored eyes twinkling at her. Her breath caught. For a moment, she forgot all about their current problems. She was transported back to the first time she'd ever looked into those eyes, and was instantly swept away.

She turned her face to the side. "Assuming all of the toiletries I packed forever ago have expired…do you have any body wash?"

Heero pointed to the tub. "There's that stuff."

Relena picked up the bottle he indicated, giving it a dubious once-over. "I don't know that I want to smell like 'coastal woodlands'... I'm pretty sure I packed some Jo Malone bath oil." Relena turned back to sift through her duffel bag.

"You don't care if it's expired?" Heero watched her from the doorway, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Even expired Jo Malone would be better than whatever this is," Relena teased.

Heero shrugged. "I just grabbed the first thing I saw on the shelf."

"Of course you did." Relena smiled when she found what she was looking for. "Oh, thank God."

"I can't believe you keep expensive bubble bath in your emergency bag," Heero said wryly.

"Damn right I do." Relena spun back around, carrying her selected toiletries to the tub. She wondered if Heero was going to leave her alone, or if he were determined to join her. Just a few months ago, she would have been insulted if he left. But now…

"I'll leave you to it, then." She heard Heero exit the bathroom, then the bedroom. Relena remained completely still for a minute, her heart racing. Then she turned the knobs on the tub and watched it begin to fill with water.

Moments later, she sank into the hot water and slathered on her English pear and freesia-scented bath oil, breathing in the heady scent, feeling almost like her old self again. She was determined to take her time and think through everything she wanted to say to Heero, willing her mind to clear away the haze from last night's drinking.

As she sudsed herself up, she couldn't help but be touched by Heero's kind gestures that morning. Not to mention the fact that he didn't seem angry with her, despite how they'd left things last night. The Heero she knew would be furious, to say the least, but so far he'd demonstrated nothing but patience.

But then maybe he was as terrified of losing all of this as she was.

Relena heaved a deep sigh and leaned her back against the smooth tile. She'd come so close to forgiving Heero of everything – in fact, she pretty much had – when he dropped the bombshell of Raquel's pregnancy. Maybe it shouldn't have obliterated everything they had just started to rebuild, but then it was all so fragile. And Relena truly didn't know if they could ever go back to the way things were before.

Her heart was shattered, and she didn't know how to fix it.

Before she could stop herself, Relena burst into tears. She covered her face with her wet, sudsy hands, not even caring if she got soap in her eyes. Of course she did, and it stung, and that only made her cry harder. She tried to get it together, but she was shaking all over, shivering in the still-warm bathwater.

She knew Heero would hear her and come running. It was just the way he operated.

Half-expecting him to rush to her side like she was dying, Relena was taken aback when the bathroom door opened with a soft click. She looked up to see Heero standing next to the tub, looking glumly at her, his own eyes bloodshot. He looked just as miserable as she felt.

Relena sucked in a breath. "I thought I was done crying," she admitted as fresh tears soaked her cheeks. She looked sullenly up at her husband. "I don't know what to do."

Heero crouched down next to the tub and lifted a hand to her face, brushing at her tears. "What do you want to do, Relena?"

She shook her head, breaking away from his touch. "I don't know."

He nodded, dropping his gaze. "I'll do whatever you want. If you want to walk away, I understand."

Relena stared at the bubbles surrounding her. She scooped some up in her hand and, surprising herself, blew them at Heero's face, watching as they burst, one by one.

He blinked in surprise. "Relena?"

"We were happy in our bubble," she sighed, lowering her hands back into the water. "But bubbles don't last, do they? They're not strong enough." She felt another sob welling up in her chest. "I'm not strong enough."

"Yes, you are." Heero leaned his face closer to hers, his eyes burning. "You're the strongest person I know."

She laughed dryly. "You always say that, but I know it's not true."

"Yes it is."

"Don't argue with me."

Heero didn't utter another word. Instead, he rose to his feet, keeping his gaze glued to Relena's all the while. And then before she could stop him, he climbed into the tub across from her, still fully clothed.

"Heero!" she gasped. "What are you doing?"

He looked deadly serious. "I'm in this with you," he said. "You're not alone."

Relena gaped at him. "Heero, your sweater."

"What about it?"

"It's a hundred percent handknit wool."

"So?"

Her eyes bulged. "So?! It's dry-clean only, and insanely expensive!"

He gaped right back at her. "That's what you're concerned about now?"

"Take it off before it shrinks!" she cried. "We might still be able to save it."

Heero stared at her wordlessly for a moment, then started to chuckle. "All right. As you wish."

Relena watched as he peeled off the sweater, along with the t-shirt he wore underneath, revealing his chiseled chest and abdomen. He dropped the soaked garments over the edge of the tub.

"Well, don't stop there," Relena said, tipping her chin up at him. Heero arched a brow, then stood to remove his jeans and boxers. She couldn't believe it had been months since they'd been naked together.

And looking at her husband now, it was every bit worth the wait.

In spite of it all, she found herself smiling up at him. "That's better. Now get over here."

Heero lowered himself back into the tub, returning her smile. "That's my line."

"Not anymore."

Relena looped her arms around Heero's neck, and he in turn pulled her onto his lap. Their slick bodies pressed together, and Relena let out a deep sigh as relief swept over her. To be back in Heero's arms like this…it was all she ever wanted.

And she knew now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, she would never let him go again.

"Kiss me," she whispered.

Heero's lips twitched, tantalizingly close to hers. "I was about to."

"Too slow."

Relena hooked the back of Heero's neck, crushing their lips together.

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the late Kirby Morrow. Shortly after finishing this chapter, I learned that he has passed away at the age of 47. Kirby, as most of you know, was the voice of our beloved Trowa Barton, my favorite Gundam pilot and perhaps favorite anime character of all time. RIP Kirby, you will be dearly missed.

Thank you, dear readers, for being on this wild ride with me; 2020 has been quite a year, and I for one am ready to wrap this whole thing up. So, with that said, please stay tuned for the final chapter of Poison & Wine.

Hugs,

- RFP