For Poke

Word Count: 1621

one

They're sitting in their dormitory together, and Lavender is more nervous than she'd like to admit. Parvati Patil is just so cool, and she can't believe they're actually sharing a room. Sure, they aren't the only ones, and Lavender likes it best when Hermione isn't in the room with them. Being alone with Parvati is her favorite thing about Hogwarts now.

Except the silence between them is tense and strained, and she doesn't know how to fill those gaps. What's to stop Parvati from realizing she'd made a mistake a week ago when she'd grabbed Lavender's hand on the Hogwarts Express and demanded they be best friends? Lavender doesn't know how to do this. At her primary school, she had struggled with making friends, always dismissed as dull and boring, no one special.

The thought of Parvati looking at her like that terrifies her.

So she says, "You know, I heard Hermione Granger fancies Harry Potter."

Parvati's dark brows raise, and she leans in. "Oh?"

Lavender nods. It's not true, but now she's got Parvati's attention. "Mhm. She even read books about him before coming to Hogwarts." That part isn't a lie. She had overheard Hermione mentioning something about it to Neville at breakfast. "She's obsessed!"

Parvati giggles. "That does explain why she's always trying to get his attention. Poor thing."

Lavender feels a little guilty, but she tells herself it doesn't matter. What's one tiny little lie? It isn't like she's spreading a rumor around the school, and if Hermione happens to learn Lavender said anything at all, she can write it off as a misunderstanding.

two

Lavender swallows dryly. At first, she had excelled at Divination. Truth be told, it's one of the few subjects that had actually made her feel special. She isn't dumb, simply average, though her grades in Potion and Transfiguration are lower than she'd like to admit.

But Divination had seemed so easy at first, like it had called her, like the universe had decided that she had a gift and could really do something.

And now she thinks she's lost her edge. Maybe she had just gotten lucky during the first few lessons. Tea leaves had been so easy; maybe that's why Trelawney uses them to start with. Even the most hopeless beginners can feel like they're good at something.

Now, Parvati's looking at her with those dark, expectant eyes, like she's waiting for Lavender to say something profound. Lavender opens her mouth, breathing shaky. She's touching Parvati's hand, and it makes her feel like she might melt into a puddle, and she doesn't know what to say.

So she says the first thing that comes to her head without even thinking about it. "See this line? It says that you've already met the person you're going to marry. You're already very close to them."

"Ooh! I wonder who it is!"

And she goes on like that, lying about what she sees, painting the beautiful possible future for Parvati because it makes her smile, and Lavender thinks Parvati is so pretty when she smiles.

three

"So, you're going to the Yule Ball with Harry Potter?" Lavender asks, though she already knows the answer. She had been there when Harry had asked her.

Parvati grins. "Isn't it great? All eyes will be on me." She considers for a moment, chuckling. "Well… On him. But I'm prettier."

Lavender nods, and she tries so hard to ignore the stab of jealousy. It doesn't make sense for her to feel this way. They're just friends, after all. It isn't like she actually fancies Parvati.

She doesn't. Does she? She wants to think that she doesn't, but deep down, she knows the truth. She hates Harry Potter because he has asked Parvati out of desperation, not because he actually sees how beautiful she is. He doesn't deserve to have Parvati by his side when the champions file in with their dates.

Parvati deserves someone who will tell her how stunning she is, someone who actually wants to go with her because they cherish her.

But Lavender doesn't say this. Instead, she swallows down everything she wants to say, and she smiles. "I'm so happy for you," she says, and she's smiling so brightly that her jaw begins to burn and sting. "You and Harry are going to look so cute together."

If Parvati sees through her, she doesn't say anything. She simply beams and begins to braid her dark hair. Lavender wonders if it's just her heart wishing for things she can't have, but she's almost certain she sees a hint of disappointment in Parvati's eyes.

four

"You and Ron seem really close now," Parvati says.

Inside, Lavender wants to scream. She doesn't want to talk about Ron, but she guesses she has to because that's what girls do whenever they're dating someone. Truth be told, she doesn't really want him. She sees the way Hermione looks at him, and she prays Hermione will step in and tell her to back off. She never does, of course.

So Lavender pretends. Everything she does is so extreme, and she hopes Ron will get annoyed with her and move on. It's much easier to be the one who gets dumped, rather than the one who does the dumping. Sometimes, whenever she puts on a baby voice and gives him some stupid nickname, she thinks he might be ready to call it quits. It never works out like that, and Lavender isn't sure what else she has to do. Maybe Ron is just as lonely, just as desperate.

"Yeah," Lavender agrees, forcing a smile. "Pretty close."

Parvati's lips purse like she's just tasted something sour, but she composes her features before Lavender can really think too much about it. "Do you love?"

The question makes her stomach clench. Lavender considers telling her the truth. Most days, she doesn't even like Ron. She could never love him, even though he's a nice enough bloke. Everything about him is all wrong because he isn't Paravati, and try as she might to deny her feelings for her best friend, Lavender knows exactly where her heart lies.

"I think so," she says instead, and she masks her uncertainty with a girlish giggle.

Yes, she loves Parvati, but she can never tell.

five

Lavender wakes up, screaming. She looks around, wiping away the cold sweat that beads her forehead. At first, she doesn't recognize her surroundings, and it only worsens her panic.

She blinks rapidly, taking a deep breath. The Room of Requirement. Right. After the Carrows turned the school into their twisted little playground, once Hogwarts became less home and more hell, they had taken to hiding here. It's the only place that's safe anymore.

Except it isn't really safe. Not completely. Then again, Lavender doesn't think it's possible to ever truly escape the nightmares. She isn't the only one who's haunted.

"Hey." Parvati sits on her bed, illuminated by the soft glow of the fairy lights that hang overhead. "Bad dreams again?"

Lavender swallows dryly. "Yeah," she says because there's no use denying it. She must have screamed pretty loudly to wake Parvati, who is usually such a heavy sleeper. "It's fine. You can go back to bed."

But Parvati doesn't move, and Lavender is more grateful than she would ever admit. "What was it about? My mother always tells me it's good luck to talk about your bad dreams. She says it keeps the demons away."

That would be nice. Lavender has faced her fair share of demons, but she doesn't think they're going away any time soon.

Besides, she can't tell Parvati the truth. In her dream, Alecto Carrow had captured Parvati. Amycus Carrow had held Lavender down, forcing her to watch as Alecto tortured Parvati again and again.

It will only stop when you tell her the truth, Amycus had hissed in her ear.

So Lavender just waves a dismissive hand. "The usual," she lies. "I dreamt You-Know-Who found me."

"I'll stay with you tonight, if you want me to." Parvati takes her hand. "I can't really sleep tonight anyway."

and one

Lavender has never felt so much pain before in her life. She feels it so deep in her skin, like the pain is part of her, and she doesn't even notice that Greyback has been knocked away. She screams, her throat raw and aching, the sound pitiful.

"Lavender!" Parvati is by her side in an instant, kneeling over her. "Hey, Lav. Stay with me, okay? We'll get you to Madam Pomfrey."

Except Lavender doubts anyone is around who can stop and help. They're in the middle of a battle; Lavender will be just another casualty. Maybe some will mourn her, but, in the end, she will be just another name.

If she has to go, if this is where her story ends, she doesn't want it to be like this. There are so many other things she wishes she could change, but those things are out of her control. Not this. This is something deep inside her, a truth inside her bones she has been clinging to. Why should she hold it in anymore?

"I love you," Lavender manages.

It should feel good. She's wanted to say it for so long, and there should be some relief. Instead, there is only a wave of sadness. How much has she missed because she was so afraid? What sort of life could she and Parvati have had?

"I love you too."

The world grows dark around her, and she feels like she is floating above it all. Still, she is not afraid, and she thinks that maybe she dies with a smile on her lips, all because Parvati loved her back.