(4)
A day off from work was something Jay never really cared about, especially in the past couple of years. Mostly because he loved his job and loved what he did. Then there was also the fact that there was really nothing much for him to do on his days off besides lounge around, catch up on much needed sleep and if he was feeling up to it, go out to Molly's for drinks. Yeah, it was pretty much a pathetic existence. But that was then and this was now.
Now he got to spend his day off holding Erin's hand as they strolled through the Farmer's Market by the Riverwalk, taking advantage of the warm-but-not-too-hot weather that the end of the summer in Chicago provided. That was after they started the morning off with a run around their trail-yes, Jay considered it their trail now since they seemed to be the only two ever there at the early morning hour— and after getting their exercise in, they'd separate for just a few minutes to shower and change. Then by 9 in the morning, Jay would be ready and waiting with a fresh cup of coffee in his condo for Erin to come by so they both could get their caffeine fix and head out hand in hand to the farmer's market.
There, they'd amble and browse around for hours. They'd take their time wandering, stopping at the Bumblebee Baked Goods booth so Erin could get her favorite blueberry muffin with streusel topping and Jay would decide on a whole grain muffin that he'd wolf down easily with half the guilt. Of course, he always tried to sneak a bite of her muffins but Erin's super fast reflexes allowed her to always snatch her muffin out of Jay's eager mouth. But she always fell victim to his puppy dog eyes and the cutest little pout on his lips and she'd roll her eyes before peeling off a bite for him. At least she was always rewarded for her generosity with a kiss.
"Next time just get yourself a blueberry muffin instead of that disgusting multigrain one," Erin griped as Jay muched happily on the rest of her muffin that Erin generously offered. "That way you won't always steal mine."
"Sharing is caring," Jay retorted, giving her a big grin. "Besides, I can't eat the whole thing. Not if I want to keep this body. It's not easy to look like this, you know?" Jay teased. "It's hard work. A lot of sacrifice. Really, you should be thanking me that I'm sacrificing so much so you can enjoy these abs," Jay concluded by patting on his tight stomach.
Erin rolled her eyes and scrunched her nose. "You're an idiot."
He laughed, tossing his arm around her and pulling her closer. "Yeah, but admit it. I'm a hot idiot."
"Hmm," Erin replied. "You know it's too bad that you're not naturally hot like me. I can eat whatever I want and still look like this," she declared, waving her hand over her body. "No effort needed."
"Can't argue with that," Jay agreed, kissing the side of her head with a soft laugh.
They continued to wander through the large market, Erin tucked up perfectly by Jay's side, eyes scanning all the fresh produce and meat the fresh market offered. Since it was the last few weeks of summer and the last few weeks of the farmer's market, the crowd was bigger than they liked but it was nice to blend in among everyone. They were just a normal couple among the sea of couples and families, just enjoying the Saturday morning off.
"How come we never did something like this before?" Jay wondered almost to himself. Before when he and Erin worked and lived together, they never really took advantage of their days off together. They took the time they had together almost for granted, always thinking that they'd always have more time. But now they both knew better.
"I don't know," Erin replied with a shrug. "I guess we just never really did. I mean, we spent most of our off days just catching up on sleep and wasting away on the couch. Never really occurred to us, I guess."
"Yeah." Jay sighed, tugging Erin closer. "I'm glad we're doing this now though." Erin looked up at him with a small smile. He dropped his head down to give her a quick chaste kiss. "So what's first on the list?"
Erin had made a list. Erin Lindsay was going to cook him dinner. She had declared it a couple of nights ago when they made plans for their days off together. Jay had been surprised and intrigued— and he'd never admit to her but a little scared. Because the Erin he knew and loved before was never at home in the kitchen. He was the one who cooked most of the time for both of them. But Erin had been adamant, telling him that she had taken a few cooking classes in New York and she'd knock his socks off with her newly learned skills. Who was Jay to refuse a free dinner?
"Um, let's see," Erin mumbled, pulling out the list she had stashed away in her pockets. "Broccoli, Chinese broccoli, ginger. We should probably hit a produce booth."
Jay nodded, letting Erin lead the way this time. They decided on a booth that had fresh looking produce for sale on the table. The large crowd of customers only added to the appeal that it was the right booth to buy from. Jay watched with amusement as Erin focused on picking through the crate that had several heads of broccoli in it, deciding on which one to get. After deciding on a head of broccoli, she handed it over to Jay who dutifully took it from her. Then Erin headed to the crate with the Chinese broccoli, repeating the same.
"This one looks good and it should be enough for both of us," Erin said, handing Jay the bunch of Chinese broccoli she picked out. She looked up to see the amused smile on Jay's lips. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Jay shook his head but kept the smile on his lips. "You're just so cute when you're being so domestic," Jay explained, completely enjoying seeing this new side of Erin. "Who knew that you'd take buying vegetables this seriously?"
Erin scoffed, feigning offense to what Jay said. "Shut up," she muttered. "Now be a good house husband and go pay for those."
"Yes, ma'am," Jay replied, still chuckling to himself as he headed to find the person manning the booth to pay.
They spent a couple of more hours at the market, completing the extensive list that Erin had. Of course, Jay was the one who lugged the two reusable bags filled with produce, meat and freshly baked goods back to Erin's car, not letting Erin help carry them no matter how much she insisted.
When they got home, Jay placed all the groceries on the kitchen counter in Erin's kitchen and they both put the items away until they were needed for dinner.
"You hungry?" Erin asked as she put the last of the produce away. "I can make us something?"
"Yeah, I am. I guess all that walking took it out of me," Jay replied, suddenly feeling hunger coming on. Erin nodded as she opened her fridge, wondering what she could make for a quick lunch.
"Hmm, I have Chicken salad left over and we got that bread today. I can make us sandwiches?" Jay nodded, salivating at the thought of food. "Okay, just give me a minute."
Jay watched in silence as Erin made them lunch— slicing the bread and toasting it just like Jay liked before piling on a scoop of the chicken salad. She then washed a few leaves of green lettuce and shook the excess water off before adding them to the sandwich.
"Here you go." Erin handed the plate over to Jay who was sitting on the stool by the counter. He took it gratefully and pretty much wolfed down the sandwich in record time, not knowing how famished he actually was.
Erin was still working on her sandwich and she gave Jay an incredulous look.
"Did you even taste it or just basically inhale that whole thing?" Erin questioned.
"It was good," Jay replied, shrugging. "And I was starving."
"Uh-huh," was all Erin said before she focused on finishing her own sandwich. Afterwards, Jay took the plates from her and headed to the sink. "Just leave it, Jay. I got it."
"You cooked so I'll clean," Jay said, his back to Erin as he threw away the crumbs on their plates and washed them. "Go relax on the couch and I'll be there in a few minutes."
Erin didn't need to be told twice as she walked over Jay to give him a quick kiss on his cheek and headed over to her couch. She turned on the television and put on a movie that was playing, not really paying attention to what was the actual movie.
She felt the couch dipped as Jay joined her, Erin immediately crawling over to him and curling up against him. He shifted so he was laying on the couch and Erin was nestled up against him, his arms holding her so she wouldn't fall off.
"I told you my couch is more comfortable," Erin mumbled into his chest as she wrapped her arm around his waist. He mumbled his agreement into her hair but Erin was too content and comfortable to really try and decipher what it was. She closed her eyes, ready to let Jay's hard chest and his familiar scent lull her to sleep. She knew Jay was watching the movie she picked out, the way his breathing hadn't evened out a clue that he wasn't sleeping yet.
"Man, I love Shawshank Redemption," Jay mumbled, Erin finally realizing which movie was playing on her television screen. She just hummed noncommittally, not really agreeing with him. For her, she loved a more fast-paced adrenaline filled action movies but Jay always preferred more thought provoking and powerful movies like Shawshank Redemption. He had raved on and on about it yet Erin really never thought to pay attention to it and give it a chance. But she realized that she wanted that to change. If Jay loved it so much then she had to at least give it a chance.
So she shifted her body and turned around so she could watch the movie. She knew Jay was surprised by her action but knew he was pleased by the way he pulled her back to his chest even closer. She watched as Morgan Freeman's voice narrated the movie, the imprisoned men enjoying ice cold beer on the roof.
By the time the scene of Andy locking in the room and playing the operatic music over the speakers played out on screen, Jay tugged her waist closer, getting her attention.
"This is one of my favorite scenes," Jay began to speak, his voice quiet. "You see, all those prisoners probably never listened to that kind of music or don't understand a word of it before yet when they hear it, they're all captivated by it. Like it's something so beautiful, they just had to stop and listen." Erin remained quiet as Jay's fingers drifted mindlessly on her hips, letting his words continue to spill out. "I don't know, I guess it just reminds me that even in a hopeless place like that prison, there are just some things that are just so beautiful that it can give anyone a moment of hope. And sometimes, that small moment is just enough."
Erin let Jay's words wash over her. Jay was never really one for deep and inquisitive thoughts in his head to go free so it was a nice and welcome change to hear his deep inner thoughts. She held his hand that was around her waist, letting him know silently that she was listening.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm being weighed down," Jay continued quietly, almost speaking into her hair like it was easier for him to do so. Safer for him. "When my past comes up and I can't stop it or the cases would get too hard and I can't separate myself from it. I try to think of this moment. I try to imagine just what those men in that movie were feeling when they heard the song over the speakers. It helps me realize that there is hope in the world, no matter where I am. There are some things that can give me hope."
Erin felt him kiss the back of her head and he buried his face in her hair. She heard Jay sighed before pulling his head away, tucking her head under his chin.
"It was you, you know?" Jay confessed, Erin's body stilling at his confession. "You were like my very own opera song. When I was working through my demons feeling completely hopeless, I thought of you and the future we could have together. I'd just stop and think about what we could be, what we could have if I could just get over my shit. Just like those men stopped and listened to the song, I'd stop and think of you, waiting for me."
Erin felt at a loss for words. She didn't know what to say to his deeply personal admission.
"I'm not saying it to make you feel guilty or anything. I'm not trying to hash our past up," Jay said, knowing why Erin had tensed up. "I'm just trying to let you in."
Erin turned around in his arms so she could look at his face. Jay looked so vulnerable as she gazed up at him, a small smile on her lips. She pushed herself up so she could slowly capture his lips with hers, kissing his sadness away.
"Thank you," she whispered, her fingers brushing over his lips. "For telling me this. For letting me in." He kissed her fingers, nipping at them. "I'm here now, Jay. So if you ever need to stop and if you ever need me, I'm here. I promise."
He smiled, his eyes lightening with her promise. He dropped a kiss on her nose.
"Thank you," he whispered, kissing her forehead.
After the moment, she shifted back in his arms so she could watch the rest of the movie. She had to admit that after giving the movie a chance, it was better than what she was expecting. She totally understood why the movie was as beloved as it was. When Andy escaped from prison and the warden got what he deserved, Erin found herself cheering for Andy. She found herself tearing up at Red getting out of prison on parole and having a hard time adjusting to the outside world. She gasped at the part of Red carving his name next to Brooks, thinking that he was about to commit suicide. Jay had chuckled at her reaction, soothing her fears with his thumbs on her hips. She sighed in relief when Red was still alive and broke his parole so he could join Andy at the place they talked about where they were both free and together.
"I told you that you'd love it," Jay said, sounding victorious when she wiped her tears away. She tried to give him a glare as best she could through her watery eyes at his smirk. But all that it did was make Jay laugh harder as he tenderly wiped her tears away.
"So it was a better movie than I thought," Erin admitted. "But don't get too smug. You liked all those Marvel movies that I made you watch even though you claim to hate them for being too unrealistic," Erin pointed out.
"Please," Jay said, rolling his eyes. "They're just alright. Certainly no masterpiece theater. Besides you only watch them because you like looking at Captain America."
Erin smirked, agreeing with Jay. "And you only agreed to watch them when you found out that Scarlett Johannson would be in a tight leather outfit."
"Can you blame me?" Jay replied, smiling slyly. Erin acted like she was affronted, smacking his chest. "Although I bet Scarlett has nothing on you. I should get you one of those outfit," he said, wagging his brows suggestively.
"Keep dreaming Halstead. The day I put on a leather outfit is the day you'll be wearing those tights that Cap wears."
"Ha! Now who's dreaming?" Erin rolled her eyes and muttered about letting her dream for real. Jay laughed before settling down, holding her in his arms as they both got the much needed nap.
They slept for hours on the couch as the sun set and the afternoon turned into evening. By six o' clock in the evening, they began to rouse from their sleep, feeling much more refreshed. Erin reluctantly got up from Jay's arms and headed to the bathroom to wash her face. She smiled to herself when she saw Jay still on the couch with his eyes closed. She placed the lightest kiss on his forehead before heading to the kitchen to get their dinner started.
She took out the ingredients they bought earlier for their Asian inspired dinner. She washed the vegetables and cut the chicken into strips. She was consumed in cooking that she didn't even notice that Jay was fully up now until he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.
"Need help?" he murmured against her cheeks before dropping a kiss on it. She shook her head.
"No, I got it," she said, refusing his help. She wanted to cook him dinner so that meant that his help wasn't needed. Jay let go of her and headed over to the stool where he got a front row seat for her cooking.
"So where'd you learn to cook again?" he asked as he stole a few pieces of veggies from her cutting board.
"At this restaurant near my apartment in New York," Erin replied, still focused on getting the ingredients ready.
"Don't hit me when I ask you this but why? I mean you were never really one for cooking." Erin tossed him a dirty look. "I'm just curious at why the change," Jay added, giving her an innocent smile.
"If you must know, one of my co-workers gave me the cooking classes as a present for Christmas one year. It was at this restaurant that I love near my place and I don't know," Erin shrugged. "I had nothing to do on my days off so I just thought why not? It'd be a lot healthier than getting takeouts every night. I went and tried out one class and found that I really liked it so I went again. It turned out that cooking isn't that bad if you know what you're doing."
Jay chuckled, knowingly. "Well, I can't wait to taste it," he said, excited for dinner. Even if he was still a tad nervous about how the dinner would turn out, he knew that he'd still eat every bite no matter how it tasted because of how excited Erin looked at cooking them dinner.
It turned out that Jay wouldn't even have to fake it because Erin did know what she was doing in the kitchen. The chicken and broccoli she made smelled delicious and the chicken chow mein tasted even better. Jay groaned out in happiness, hitting the table with delight, as he chowed down on the food.
"So good," Jay complimented her sincerely.
"Really?" Erin asked, unsure.
"Oh yeah," Jay replied, shoving more food in his mouth. "You did great babe." Erin smiled, pleased with how the food turned out. "Seriously you could cook for me every day and I'd be happy."
"Hah, I don't think so Halstead," Erin retorted. "This is a special occasion. I still expect you to be a good house husband like usual and have dinner on the table when I get home from work."
Jay gasped, pretending to be shocked. "Fine," he bit out, rolling his eyes playfully. He was just happy that Erin was talking about them in long terms. He reached over and held Erin's hands. "Anything you say, dear."
"Shut up," Erin said, laughing at him.
Jay's laughing face slowly turned more tender as he continued to gaze at her. "Really though, today was perfect." Erin's face softened just as his and she nodded, squeezing his hand. It was so nice to spend the day with Erin, just enjoying each other's company and just being around each other. It was just what he needed.
"Almost perfect," Erin corrected, Jay frowning in confusion. She dropped her napkin on the table and stood up. Jay watched her curiously as she came around the table over to him and sat on his lap, her arms coming around his neck. "We still need to have dessert," Erin whispered suggestively.
Jay smirked, his hands squeezing her hips as he felt his body start to heat up. "Oh yeah, dessert. We can't skip dessert," Jay murmured distractedly as Erin kissed his jaw before traveling down to his neck. "Dessert is the most important part of the meal," he continued, his voice sounding broken with lust as she continued to tease him.
"Oh yeah," Erin whispered, squealing when Jay lifted her up, her legs wrapping around him as he carried them over to her bedroom.
"Dessert it is!" Jay's excited shout rang out in her condo, the two of them ready to spend the rest of the night indulging in each other.
(5)
"Drop the gun!" Jay shouted, his own weapon pointed out at the person in front of him. He and Hailey had the guy cornered, ready to take him out if the guy flinched even once. But both of them were hoping it wouldn't come to that. Not when the guy in front of them was barely seventeen years old, lost and confused with grief over the death of his brother. So stricken with grief and anger that he had gone on a shooting spree at a house where the person he thought responsible for his brother had lived.
"Back off!" the boy shouted back, the gun shaking in his hand. "Or I'll shoot!"
"You don't want to do that," Jay returned, hoping that he could reason with the boy. He wanted him to see that despite what he had done, it wasn't too late to turn back. There was still hope for him. "Come on Adrian, you don't want to do this."
"You don't know me!" Adrian shouted. "You don't know what I've been through. They took my brother from me. They deserved to die!"
Jay exchanged a look with Hailey, wondering how they could get Adrian to give himself up so they could get him in custody safely. Adrian looked like he had made peace with himself that he was going to die and he had no problem with it. But Jay did. Jay wanted Adrian to know that there was still a chance for him.
"Yeah they did," Jay began slowly, carefully not to spook the boy. "I know they took your brother from you. You loved your brother. He watched out for you, he protected you and they took that. But they're gone, Adrian. It's too late for them. But it's not for you."
Adrian scoffed. "Yeah right. I shot them. I'm going to prison for the rest of my life. How is it not too late for me?"
"You're seventeen!" Jay reasoned. "You can still make a deal. You can still have a life Adrian. But shooting a cop? You do that and that's really it for you." Jay slowly put his gun back in his holster to show Adrian that he wasn't a threat and slowly began to approach him. "Come on, just drop the gun. Let me help you."
Adrian looked torn, his hands shaking, as he regarded Jay with dubious eyes. There was mistrust and fear in his eyes but Jay could see the desire to believe Jay's words underneath it. Adrian wanted a way out and Jay hoped that he'd take the one Jay was offering. Jay took a few steps closer, wanting to reach out to the boy, while Hailey still had her weapon set on him. She was ready to take a shot if Adrian changed his mind and used his gun.
"I can help you," Jay repeated, his arms held up. Adrian was shaking now, his eyes glistening with tears as Jay got closer. "I got you," Jay whispered, approaching him.
"Chicago P.D!" A patrol officer shouted from behind them, catching all of them off guard. Adrian panicked by the sudden shout and fired his gun. Jay barely had managed to duck down to avoid being hit before the patrol officer took a shot at Adrian, hitting the boy in his stomach.
"Fuck!" Jay cussed as he ran over to the boy who looked stunned as he fell to the ground, bleeding from his stomach. "Hey, hey! It's okay!" Jay said as he put pressure on the gunshot wound. "Get me an ambulance!" Jay shouted, hearing Hailey radioed in for a bus.
Adrian was getting paler by the second, his mouth gurgling on the blood that was seeping out. "Hey! It's gonna be okay! You're gonna be fine!" Jay tried to reassure Adrian as he tried to stop the bleeding. "Look at me!" Jay ordered, the boy's bleary eyes landing on his. "Just hold me for me, okay? You're gonna be okay!"
Everything quieted around Jay as he focused on keeping Adrian alive, his hands pressing on the wound to stop the bleeding. Adrian was getting even more pale as he continued to bleed out, Jay cursing at how long the ambulance seemed to be taking. Finally, he heard the faint blearings of the bus and he was being pushed aside as the paramedics worked on Adrian. Hailey pulled him back, Jay's bloody hands hanging limply by his side as he watched the medics put Adrian on a gurney.
"We're taking him to med!" the medic shouted. "He's losing blood fast!"
Jay was stunned, completely in shock, as the rest of the Intelligence team joined them. He barely acknowledged Kevin giving him a water bottle to wash the blood off. He knew it was pointless. The blood wouldn't wash off that easily.
They headed to Chicago Med because no matter what, Adrian still shot three people and still had to answer for his crime. Jay felt sick as he waited in the waiting room, waiting to get news about whether or not Adrian would live. Hours later, the surgeon came out and gave them the news that Adrian made it through surgery and was put in a recovery room, handcuffed to the bed.
"He's just a boy," Jay whispered as he watched Adrian still sleeping in the hospital bed. "He's barely 17."
"He shot three people, Jay," Hailey pointed out as she stood next to him. "Not to mention, he shot at you. He could've killed you."
Jay shook his head. "I almost had him," he muttered, angry with himself. "Fuck! I almost had him. He almost gave himself up. That fucking patrol officer scared him." He kicked the chair in anger. He was so close to getting Adrian to give himself up safely. Just one more minute then Adrian would safely be in custody. Instead he was lying in the hospital, chained to a bed. Jay knew that the charges against Adrian would increase since he actually fired a gun at a cop. That the future for Adrian looked bleak, almost non-existent.
"This isn't your fault," Hailey said, holding onto Jay's arms. "You can't blame yourself."
Jay shook his head as he shook off her hand. He couldn't feel anyone touching him right now, just like he couldn't have anyone trying to comfort him. He felt like he failed. He could've saved Adrian from a life of misery and incarceration but he failed.
"I need to get out of here," Jay said, heading out of the hospital. Hailey followed behind him, her attempts to comfort him falling on deaf ears.
"Jay!" she yelled his name, Jay finally pausing to look at her. "Is there anything I can do?"
He shook his head, giving her a sad smile. "No." There wasn't anything anyone could do for him.
It was dark by the time he left the hospital and he drove home in silence. His head and heart were heavy and he didn't even realize how he got home until he robotically parked in his own spot. He was drained and he was devastated. Sometimes, he just really hated his job.
He hated the toll it took on him. Hated when cases involved younger kids who were lost and confused and made mistakes that would affect the rest of their lives. Jay felt for them, hated himself when he couldn't do anything to help them. He just hated how ugly and unfair the world was sometimes. How hopeless it seemed.
He dragged his body up to his floor, his mind and heart calling out for comfort. He knew who he wanted it from, knew just whose arms he wanted to fall apart in. But as he stood paralyzed in front of her door, he couldn't bring himself to knock. He knew she was on the other side, probably tucked in her bed at this hour. He didn't want to bring her down with his demons. Not like this.
Things were amazing between them. They were light and carefree. They laughed and joked around with each other. They had fun, getting to know each other again. The last thing Jay wanted was to bring them down with his angst and bring the rain clouds over them.
But then the memory of them lying on her couch just a week prior on their day off, Jay telling her about his feelings on Shawshank Redemption came to his mind. He remembered telling her about finding hope in her when everything seemed hopeless. He remembered her looking at him so earnestly, promising to be there now.
'I'm here now, Jay. So if you ever need to stop and if you ever need me, I'm here. I promise.'
Remembering her words was what got him to finally knock, his head looking down at the floor as he waited for her to answer.
"Hey." Her voice sounded raspier, indication that she had been sleeping and suddenly he felt bad that he was disturbing her like this. She didn't get enough sleep as is and he knew she needed rest. He didn't want to be the one to take her away from it. "Jay?"
"I'm sorry," he muttered, unable to bring himself to look at her. He knew that she'd see the anguish and turmoil in his eyes instantly and she'd do anything to comfort him, even if it meant putting her own need for rest aside. He couldn't be that selfish.
"What's wrong?" She sounded worried, hearing his broken apology. "Jay? What happened?"
Hearing the clear concern in her voice was what finally broke him and he finally brought his head up to meet hers. Instantly, she saw that he wasn't alright. That Jay was far from it. He opened his mouth to say something but no words would come out.
Erin watched as a myriad of emotions played out on Jay's face— none of it good. He looked upset, shattered, and completely broken down. Even as she called his name over and over, he looked so far away. She just wanted to reach out to him and hold him but she knew he'd retreat in himself if she did.
'I want you to take my hand whenever you need me. Day or night. Even when you hate me or we're in the worst fight of our lives. I want you to know that you'll always have me, that my hand is always here for you to take and hold onto.'
She remembered Jay telling her those words, always promising to be there for her if she needed him. Now he was the one that needed her and she was going to be there for him.
So wordlessly, she held her hand out, waiting for him to take it. Jay saw her waiting hand, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Erin waited with bated breath, wondering if he'd even take her hand and let her be there for him. Slowly, he reached out for her hand, Erin's heart filling with relief at the action, and he slowly intertwined their fingers together.
Erin squeezed his hand tighter, feeling encouraged by him accepting her outstretched hand, and then she was pulling him into her arms, letting Jay fall apart in it. He buried his face in her neck as Erin shushed sounds of comfort into his hair. Her hand rubbed his back in up and down motion while the other hand was still clutching onto his.
"I got you baby," she whispered, her heart cracking with each anguished sound that came out of Jay. "I got you."
They collapsed onto her bed, their bodies still attached together and their limbs tangled. Erin was just happy that Jay was allowing her to be there for him, despite her feeling useless that she couldn't do anything more for him than to just hold him. He clutched her tighter to him, his hand squeezing her hip before coming around her back.
Her fingers stranded through his hair softly, trying her best to soothe him and fight off whatever demon that was plaguing him with her touch.
"I'm sorry," Jay finally spoke, his voice sounding broken, as he whispered into her neck.
"Don't be," Erin returned, shaking her head to emphasize her point. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
"I didn't want to bother you," Jay continued, sniffing to get himself under control. He tried to pull away like he didn't want to bother her but Erin just held him tighter, not letting him retreat back into himself.
"You're not," she refuted. "You're never bothering me."
Jay let out a shuddered breath as he eased into her embrace. He was just completely exhausted and drained, the events of the day threatening to drown him and let him drift off aimlessly into an ocean of anguish and regrets. But here he was in Erin's arms, safely ensconced in her warmth. She was his anchor, holding him down, giving him the stability he needed.
"Can I ask what happened?" Erin asked, sounding hesitant like she was afraid of him pulling away again. Jay sighed, taking a moment to himself. "It's okay if you need time," Erin reassured him.
But Jay didn't think so. If he was going to come to her, seek out her arms and let himself fall apart in her open arms, then he needed to open himself too. He knew their relationship needed to be a two-way street. He promised Erin that he'd always be there with an open hand if she needed him and she promised him the same. She proved her promise to him and now he was the one that needed to make the effort.
So he began to speak. He told her about the latest case they were working on. A gang that targeted innocent young men and tried to get them to start distributing for them to a whole new set of customers and when the new recruits would refuse, they'd get their punishment with a bullet to the head. Only the latest man they shot and killed had a younger brother that sought revenge. Revenge by illegally obtaining a gun and storming into the gang's stash house to shoot three members of the gangs before running away. Jay told Erin about wanting to save Adrian, that no matter what the boy did, Jay understood where he was coming from. Jay understood having no one in his life— just like Adrian had no one left since his brother died— and feeling lost. Feeling so angry that he was consumed with revenge. It was how Jay felt when he first came home and watched as his mother died, no one around him to lean on. Not his father. Not Will. Jay remembered the pure white hot rage he felt towards his brother and father, hating them for not being there for his mother's last moments. He wanted revenge, he wanted to cut off the last remaining members of his family and actually doing so. He remembered blocking out the world, thinking he had nothing to live for, wasting his life away with booze and nameless women.
"I just wanted to help him," Jay whispered as Erin had her hand over his chest, stabilizing him. "I just wanted him to know that I know what he's feeling. That it wasn't over for him." He sighed, releasing a shaky breath. "I almost had him. He almost gave himself up but then this officer came suddenly and spooked him. He got so scared that he fired his gun."
He felt Erin's breath hitched at his words, knowing that he had scared her with the close call.
"I'm okay, Erin," he said, holding Erin's hand that was on his chest for a brief moment before letting go so she could ran her hand over his heart soothingly. "I ducked in time to avoid getting shot but then the cop shot him and it got him in the stomach." Jay shook his head, recalling seeing Adrian falling to the ground. "I tried to stop the bleeding and they rushed him to Chicago Med."
"Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he's fine. But they have him chained to the bed and they have a uniform waiting outside his door," Jay explained. "He's just 17. He could've made a deal before. Yeah it was a long shot but the jury would've understood where he was coming from. He shot gang members. He could've gotten out of prison in time to start over again and not have his entire life wasted." Erin nodded knowingly, her hand still working up and down his chest. "But now that he fired at a cop? That's it for him, Erin." He exhaled, letting his grief known. "He's probably going to spend the rest of his life in prison."
"I'm sorry Jay," Erin said, hearing the regret in Jay's voice. "I know you really wanted to help him. I'm sorry for how everything turned out."
Jay nodded, accepting her words of comfort. He closed his eyes, releasing another deep breath. He felt Erin move and she pushed herself up onto her elbow, leaning down to look at him.
"I'm really glad that you're okay though," she said, her other hand stroking his face. Her finger came up to his forehead and slowly eased the troubled look away. "No matter what happens to the boy, I know you did everything you could. You were willing to put yourself in harm's way to save this boy. Because that's just the type of man you are." She dipped down to softly graze his jaw with her lips, her hand coming to rest on his chest again. "I know you don't feel like it right now but you have no idea just how amazing and brave you are. You care so much about people, no matter what they've done. This boy.."
"Adrian," Jay said, supplying Erin with the boy's name.
"Adrian, he's going to see what you've done for him."
"I feel like I failed him," Jay admitted.
Erin shook her head, pressing her hand down on his chest to get his attention. "You didn't, Jay." She wet her lips. "He's still alive because of you. You think that patrol officer would've cared about taking him in alive? You made sure that he lived to see another day. And who knows what kind of sentence he'll end up with? The important thing is that he's alive because you saved him."
Jay looked into Erin's eyes, seeing nothing but honesty and love pouring out of them. He was so grateful for her presence, of her being there for him when he needed her. She knew exactly what to say, how to reach out especially when he didn't know how to ask.
"You're amazing, you know?" Jay returned, covering her hand over his heart with his own. He held her hand just as he held her gaze, affection pouring out of him for the woman in front of him. "I'm so lucky to have you. Thank you," he whispered.
She smiled, showing him the dimples that he loved. "Thank you," Erin said back to him. "For coming to me, for opening up and letting me be there for you," she answered his unspoken question. She leaned in closer and kissed him. Jay melted into the kiss, letting her lips do the healing for his heart.
She still had her hand spread out over him and he focused on the feelings of her hand on his heart. He grasped her hand and held it between his own. Her hand. Her hand that always seemed to find home on his chest or his back whenever he needed her. Always telling him silently with just a touch that he had her in his corner. Her ever magical hands that did wonders to calm his fears, quell his demons and bring peace to him. Their kiss deepened as he clutched her tighter to him. They both lost themselves in the pleasure of their kiss, their clothes shedding along the way, and their bodies moved so he was hovering over her, gazing down at her adoringly as she pressed her hand up against his chest. He brought her hand up and kissed each fingertips with his lips, like they were something to be treasured. Erin smiled at their intertwined hands and held on tight as he sunk into her. There, in that moment, he let her heal him just like he always needed. Just like he would always need.
(6)
Erin roused slowly from her sleep, immediately smiling to herself sleepily as she got a waft of Jay's sheets first thing in the morning. The lingering scent of his body wash greeted her and she buried herself in his soft sheets even further. She reached around for him, wanting his body against her, but she found empty space instead. She squinted one eye open and glanced over at the clock by Jay's side of the bed. It was seven in the morning and Erin groaned, writhing around in bed, not ready to get up just yet.
But it was Jay's day off and she didn't have to go into her office until noon so they had time to just lounge around in bed all morning. She frowned wondering where Jay went until she heard rattlings in the kitchen and got a whiff the fresh coffee that Jay must've brewed for her.
Erin changed her mind, deciding that instead of Jay in her arms, she'd rather have a good morning kiss so she got up from bed, opting to throw on Jay's shirt that was lying on the floor— evidence of them discarding their clothes hastily after their date last night.
She buttoned up a few buttons and opted to forgo pants so she just shimmied into her panties before heading out into the kitchen for coffee and Jay.
"Morning babe," she greeted sleepily as she stretched her arms, her eyes closing as a sudden yawn overtook her mouth. "Is that coffee I smell?"
Suddenly, the sound of a glass crashing onto the floor got Erin's attention and her eyes opened, finding a different Halstead than she had been expecting, watching her with his eyes bulging out of his face and his mouth dropped down to his chest.
"Erin!?" Will shouted, completely caught off guard by her presence in his brother's apartment. "Am I dreaming or did I suddenly get a time machine and went back to 3 years in the past?"
"Will!" Erin shouted, just as surprised. "What are you doing here?" She definitely wasn't expecting to see him in Jay's apartment. She and Jay had been so happy in their little bubble, away from prying eyes and nosy friends, that she didn't even think that of course, one day someone was bound to find out that they had gotten back together. There was just this unspoken agreement between her and Jay to keep their reunion to themselves as long as they could, not wanting anything to burst their happiness.
But now it seemed as though any chance of them remaining in their bubble was gone.
"What am I doing here?" Will repeated, almost in shock. "I should be asking you that. What are you doing here? I thought you were in New York! And now you're here in Chicago, in Jay's condo. In Jay's bed." He looked at her clothes, or her lack of clothes. "And are you wearing Jay's shirt?"
Erin shifted uncomfortably, pulling Jay's shirt down as if it could cover her bare legs. "I didn't realize you'd be here," Erin offered, feeling embarrassed that she was wearing next to nothing in front of Will.
Will's mouth was still parted like he couldn't fully believe that she was here. He shook himself out of his stupor, looking for the words to say.
"What...when...how long have you been back?" Will finally managed to settle on a question to ask.
"Um, almost a year," Erin replied.
Will's brown eyes even got bigger than she thought possible. "You've been back for that long and this is the first time I'm hearing about it?" He scoffed. "How? Why? Why didn't Jay tell me?"
Erin shrugged. "That's something you're going to have to ask him." She glanced around at the empty condo. "Where is he anyway?"
"I don't know," Will replied, still caught up in surprise. "The place was empty when I came in or at least I thought it was empty."
Finally the person they were both looking for returned and Jay came home with a smile on his face and a bag in his hand. The smile fell off immediately when he saw what was going on, seeing the confused look on his brother's face and Erin shifting uncomfortably a few feet away.
"Will? What the hell are you doing here?" Jay asked, coming in closer and going over to Erin's side.
"What am I…? What the hell.." Will seemed at a loss for words. "How come you didn't tell me about this?" He asked, pointing to him and Erin.
Jay rubbed the back of his neck and gave Will a sheepish look. "It just never came up?"
Will gave him a look of disbelief, not buying Jay's answer for a second. "Really?"
"You were busy with your job and with Natalie and Owen. And I didn't know how to bring it up," Jay explained. "Wait, how did you get in?"
"You gave me an emergency key remember?" Will said, holding up said key.
"Yeah, and I told you to only use it in case of emergency," Jay snapped. "So what's the damn emergency?"
"I needed my birth certificate for some paperwork and you have it," Will replied. "I called you but you didn't answer so I thought I could just let myself in and grab it. I certainly wasn't expecting to find this."
Jay and Erin looked at each other, trying to decide how to approach this.
"So how long have you guys been back together?" Will asked.
"About three months," Jay replied, stepping closer to Erin. "Erin's been back for about 8 months and we've been back together for about three."
Will's mouth dropped in surprise. "And what? You were never going to tell me?"
Jay rolled his eyes, not appreciating the questioning tone that Will was using on him.
"You know what guys?" Erin spoke up, feeling the tension in the room. "I have to go into work and I need to shower and get ready. And this looks like a conversation you two need to have on your own."
Jay knew she was running but he couldn't blame her. If he could run with her, he would. So instead he gave her a quick kiss as she hurried out of the room, Will watching her go with a confused look.
"Is she really going outside wearing that?" Will asked, referring to Erin just being in Jay's shirt.
"Oh," Jay smiled. "Yeah about that. Erin lives next door so it's not a big deal." Jay headed to his kitchen, avoiding Will's bulging eyes.
"She lives next door?" Will practically shouted. "Okay, that's it. You're going to sit down and tell me everything I missed from start to finish. Starting with who, where, what, when and how!"
Jay rolled his eyes at the dramatics Will was displaying. "Fine," he sighed. "Like I said, Erin came back to Chicago about 8 months ago," Jay began, explaining what he and Erin had gone through on their road to reconciling, Will listening with rapt attention.
"Why was I the last to know?" Will asked, sounding hurt.
"You're not! You're the first."
"Really? So you two have been keeping your relationship a secret?"
"No," Jay said, shaking his head. "It's not some big secret. We're just not shouting at everyone that we're back together. I don't know, we're just taking it slow."
"Jay," Will sighed, catching Jay's eyes. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
Jay frowned. "What?"
"I mean, this is Erin," Will began. "This is the woman that tore your heart apart and left you. I watched you fall apart after she left. I know how hard it was for you to get over her." Will reasoned, not really sure if his brother ever got over Erin in the first place.
"Will," Jay sighed, leaning his hand on the counter and looking at Will seriously. "I know that you're just looking out for me as my brother but seriously, you don't have to."
Will scoffed. "Really? So you think living next door to Erin and jumping into another relationship with her is the best idea?"
"First of all, we didn't plan on living next door to each other," Jay said, defending himself. "It just happened, really. And second, we're not jumping into anything. It took us a long time and a lot of talking to get to this place. We're not going into anything blind. We know what happened last time, how we both hurt each other," Jay pointed out, making it clear to Will that it was both of their fault, not just Erin's. "And even after everything, we want to be together." He smiled, thinking of the past few months spent with Erin. "Seriously Will, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time and it's all because of her."
"Jay," Will sighed, rubbing his face. "I have nothing against Erin, you know that. But I just...I know the hold she has on you okay? I watched it tore you apart, watched you close off everything in your life. How are you going to make sure the same thing's not going to happen again this time?"
Jay knew where Will was coming from. He was being a good brother. A bit too protective for Jay's liking but if Jay was in Will's place, he knew he'd be doing the same thing.
"Both of us have changed," Jay said honestly. "We're not the same people we were before. I'm trying to be more open, so is Erin. We realized that we've been totally miserable without each other. We make each other happy Will and after not having that happiness for the last couple of years, I can't let it go now that I have it again. I'm not letting Erin go."
Will nodded, accepting Jay's words. "You know that I'm just looking out for you right?"
"Yeah, I know. And I appreciate it but really, I'm okay. I'm more than okay. For the first time in a long while, I'm happy," he said, a genuine smile making it to his face.
"Yeah, I can see that clearly," Will said, teasing. "I haven't seen you smile like this in a long time." Will's face sobered up as he added earnestly, "didn't think I'd ever see it again."
Jay nodded, reaching out and patting Will's arms. Will sighed.
"So I'm really the first to know?" Will asked, Jay nodding in response. "Huh? Interesting."
"What?"
Will shrugged. "I just thought that the news of you and Erin getting back together made its round."
"Why?" Jay asked, confused.
"Just that I've seen your partner drown her sorrow at Molly's, looking pretty down. I didn't really ask her why but I just thought now that I know about you and Erin that it might've been the reason."
Jay frowned at what Will said. "What?"
Will gave Jay a knowing look. "Are you really going to pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about?"
Jay sighed, dropping his eyes. "Yeah," he admitted. "That's a conversation I'm not looking forward to having." He sighed again, knowing that he could no longer feign ignorance and would have to be completely honest with his partner.
"Yeah, that's a fun conversation waiting to happen," Will said, teasing. "I have to go to work soon."
"Okay, did you get the birth certificate yet?" Jay asked as he walked Will to the door.
"Yeah, grabbed it before Erin scared the shit out of me." Will turned around to get a closer look at Jay. "You're really happy huh?"
A smile came over Jay's face and he nodded. "So happy."
"That's good," Will said, sounding completely genuine. "You know that's all I want for you." Jay nodded. "Hey, maybe you, me and Erin can hang out like we used to."
"Yeah, we'll see."
"Jay, I'm really happy for you," Will said, the two brothers exchanging a loving smile before Will walked away. Jay watched as his brother get further and further away from him before he closed the door. Shaking his head in fondness and a relief that he didn't expect to be lifted off his shoulder at Will's acceptance of him and Erin getting back together, Jay took the bag he went out for earlier, focused on making breakfast for his girl.
AN: Will is the winner! I think there was one reviewer that chose Will so congratulations Claudia! You get a virtual cookie. Most of you did choose Platt lol. She's always in the know about everything.
Any guesses to who'll be the second? The answer might be different than what most of you'll expect.