Chapter 23

"I'm so sorry I'm late, Katie."

This was the seventh time they had rescheduled due to mutual scheduling conflicts. As the head of public relations at the Appleby Arrows team, Katie was constantly swamped with her team's latest scandal, most recently the drama that had ensued from a love triangle fallout between their star chaser, seeker, and beater. Harry was constantly occupied by another neo-Death Eater group that cropped up every once in a while between the more mundane Dark Wizard wannabes. It made fetching coffee together difficult.

"It's all right, Harry," Katie smiled. "It's not like you're the only one with a busy schedule."

Harry smiled tiredly, running his hand through his messy hair. "How are you?"

Katie snorted. "As best as one can be. I'm hanging in there. You?" Katie studied the dark circles under Harry's eyes. "I'm assuming not well."

"I'm fine," Harry said. "I've been swamped with false leads at work. It's been difficult to slog through them."

"Do you think the volume of false leads is intentional?" Katie asked. "Essentially tie up all the resources in the Auror Department with bogus claims to distract from the real thing that is happening." Harry raised his eyebrows.

"That's actually… a really interesting point. Good thinking, Katie. That actually would fit the profile of one of our suspects. Thanks," Harry smiled, instantly cheered. "We need to do this more often, if not for our own enjoyment, but the safety of wizarding Britain," he joked.

"I am wasted as a public relations agent," Katie smirked.

"Do you not enjoy your work?" Harry asked. "I would try to recruit you to the Aurors, but there are certain unfortunate workplace policies that would interfere with my other intentions," Harry laughed.

Katie giggled. "You've gotten a lot smoother, Potter. A far cry from the clumsiness when you asked Cho back in fifth year. Well, er, your fourth year. I keep forgetting we weren't in the same class since I repeated that last year anyways and ended up alongside you lot."

Harry cringed. "I'm still a mess, to be honest. But I have a little more practice with embarrassing myself now, so it's easier to play it off."

Katie smiled, before sobering. "But to answer your earlier question, I suppose it's not that I don't enjoy the work. It's just that it can be rather taxing and not very fun."

"I always thought you would play Quidditch professionally," Harry said. "Or at the minimum, coach summer teams."

"I don't have the physical stamina," Katie sighed. "Sometimes my hand freezes up still, and occasionally it travels up my arm."

"Was that because of the necklace?" Harry asked, aghast.

"Yes; it's never been quite back to normal despite all of the Mungo's healers and potions. That, and I got hit in the side with some dark curse in the final battle. While it's healed, I can't exert myself to the same degree as I did before this. I could never play professionally, and I don't have enough real league experience to see myself coaching at any point. Hence, public relations," she said.

"I'm sorry, I know it was your dream to play professionally," Harry said.

"It's all right. Sometimes it's nice not to take more bludgers to the head," Katie laughed. "The less St. Mungo's visits for me, the better."

"Well I can certainly agree with that," Harry said. "Wouldn't want to have to visit you in the hospital. The public craziness that would create-not my cup of tea."

"Did you see our faces yesterday in the Prophet?" Katie asked. "I meant to send you an owl to check in on you, but I got distracted at work and forgot. I'm sorry we were found."

Harry stiffened a little bit. "I was occupied with work. I hadn't realized we were in the Prophet; what did they write now?"

"You mean you didn't get a large influx of fan mail and howlers after that article went up?" Katie raised an eyebrow dubiously.

"Honestly, I've always wanted to direct the fan mail and howlers straight into the bin, or better, the fireplace. I think occasionally Luna likes to sort through it, though, so my fan mail gets directed to her. She finds all manner of trinkets that she uses in whatever way she likes," Harry said.

"Aren't you worried she might open up something that's cursed?" Katie asked, unconsciously clenching her hand.

"Bill put together an automated scanner of sorts," Harry said. "If there's anything dark associated with it at all, it immediately gets incinerated. I'm not clear on how he's made it possible to detect that, but you've probably seen many of the new charms around Gringotts. That's Bill's scanner."

"Oh, that's neat," Katie said. "I would imagine it would be quite nice to have a portable charm like that; to help detect things on the go."

"George and Bill are working on some product development I think," Harry said. "Probably something along those lines."

"That's fantastic. I can't wait for it to come out; I'll likely be their first customer!" Katie said. "But in regard to your earlier question, the Prophet somehow got ahold of a photo of us on our date last time. It's quite obvious we're seeing each other now-there have been reporters outside of my flat ever since the story broke. I got in a bit of trouble with my boss actually. She wasn't very pleased that I was adding to the Appleby Arrows drama."

Harry groaned. "I'm sorry I put you into a difficult position with your supervisor, I thought that going to a muggle establishment would have kept things under the radar. I suppose we're not very safe at this cafe either then." Harry paused to look around, zeroing in on a strangely dressed man three tables down from them. "Ah, we've got company even now." When the waitresses and other customers weren't looking, Harry cast a quick Muffliato so their conversation could no longer be overheard.

"Oh dear," Katie sighed. "I know you value your privacy, Harry. I probably wasn't being very careful; they must have followed me here."

"It's not your fault, Katie. They always hound me." Harry looked down at his hands. "I don't really know what I was expecting. The level of public scrutiny I bring… I'm so sorry Katie. Maybe we shouldn't do this. I don't want your career to be at risk, and the constant following and hounding by the press will never go away. I can't ever really lead a normal life," Harry said, his frustration evident as he ran his fingers through his tangled, messy hair. "I at least got used to the constant public interference in my life… it's very messed up, and I don't wish that on you. You don't really know what you're getting into with me."

"Harry," Katie said sadly, grabbing his hand and holding it in the center of the table between them. "Stop with the martyr complex, already. You've died once already," Katie joked, and Harry cracked a small smile. "I did see what you went through when we were just children, and I always admired you for how strong you were to deal with the whole lot. So, I do know what I'm getting into.

"You're right though, that I'm not used to it at the same level. And you're right that it's very messed up. But… I guess the question is more about where you see this going, right? Am I a rebound after Ginny? What prompted you to reach out after so long? I mean, we've seen each other at pickup Quidditch games at George's and Oliver's, but you've never seemed to show any interest before in even having a coffee before a few weeks ago," Katie gestured to the cooling cups between them. "Because I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't mind fighting for this if we both think it's worth it. I can handle it, but I need to know what type of investment you want to make, too."

Harry's green eyes met Katie's warm brown. "To tell you the absolute truth, I don't really know exactly what prompted me to ask. It wasn't the most rational thought. I guess after I felt like I had some closure with Gin, there was something about that game at Oliver's that made me look at you a little different. And I thought, why not?"

Katie tilted her head, processing Harry's response.

"I'm not… the best at introspection," Harry said, clearing his throat and pushing up the bridge of his glasses. He ducked his head down again. "I don't know if I'm ready for something so long term again. I mentioned to Gin when we had one of our closure conversations that… I don't know if I know what love is." Katie made a noise of protest, but Harry held up a hand to stop her. "Well maybe not that I don't know what love is, but how to love. How to trust. I- things have always been fucked up in my life, right? So the paranoia, the need to be constantly on the move, the anxiety that settles in when things are too quiet, the nightmares, the self-blame, the-I just-I don't know, there's a lot that I probably need to think about and deal with before I could confidently say that I'm a functional enough human to be ready to offer you what you deserve." Harry looked up at Katie. "You deserve something healthy and strong, and I know you're ready for that. What I can tell you is that I would never go into this-start something like this-if I was planning on a… fling… or something," he said distastefully. "So no, I'm not looking at this like a rebound. But, what if I'm just not in a place yet that I mess it all up and it becomes one anyways? I-well I've been talking too much. Does that make any sense at all?"

"Of course it makes sense, Harry, I mean, first off, thank you for your insane honesty. That helps, you know, building trust," Katie smiled, and Harry returned it sheepishly. "And what you said, it's good to know that you didn't come into this looking for a short rebound. Because I think the intent matters a lot. And I understand what you mean about looking at someone differently than before. I was really surprised when you asked, but you're right. Something shifted, and I looked at you differently. And I also thought, why not? I suppose I had a little more reason to say no, given that I know Gin, and I know how solid and long it's been between the two of you. But something feels right about this, and I too don't have the best words or introspection to know how to characterize it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that yes, it sounds like you need to work a lot of things out. That childhood trauma… have you seen a mind healer? I've been messed up in my own way with what happened just from… the necklace… and the battle. And the nightmares, the anxiety, the paranoia; I think it's only just recently started to subside. But the mind healers can help a lot, and I think I slept a lot better once I started seeing one."

"You're probably right; Hermione has been after me for ages to see one," Harry sighed. "I'll make it a priority. They can help me sort through things probably better than anyone, and I wouldn't want to burden any of my friends who already have enough themselves."

Katie nodded vigorously. "That's a great step! And I can give you a referral to mine; she's lovely."

Harry smiled. "I'll take you up on that." After a short pause, Harry inhaled. "So where do you think that all leaves us?"

"Well, I-" Katie began, but was interrupted by a silvery patronus galloping in between them. Worried about their muggle-surroundings, Harry frantically cast an extra notice-me-not charm on the area he and Katie were occupying. Thankfully, the muggles didn't seem to notice anything.

The horse patronus opened its mouth. "Harry," Ginny's voice began, clear as day, and Katie's eyes widened. "I have something very important to tell you. As soon as you can come over, please stop by Hermione's flat." The silver horse then galloped around Harry and vanished.

"Um…" Harry knit his brows together. "I'm so sorry, what were we talking about?"

"If you need to see Ginny," Katie said uneasily, "it sounds important."

"I'm sure it's not an emergency, otherwise she would have said so," Harry said. "Plus, we've rescheduled this seven times. We were talking about us."

While Katie was somewhat pleased to be made a priority over Ginny at the moment, she could tell that Harry was no longer fully mentally present. There was concern and stress now lining his brow, and the moment they had had was lost. "Harry, you're not going to be able to focus not knowing if Ginny's in some type of danger or whatever it is. Just go," Katie said.

Harry sighed. "Well, can I at least know where you think we stand before I go?"

Katie bit her lower lip. "I think we should… feel it out? I'm not interested in seeing anyone else right now anyways-"

"Neither am I," Harry said quickly.

"-so, I don't know. Let's just keep doing… this," Katie waved her arms around the space between them. "You have things to work on. We can still explore whether we're on the same page without making it too serious yet, yeah?"

"Okay," Harry nodded. "So coffee. Maybe a dinner."

"Yeah," Katie said. "Maybe a dinner."

"Alright," Harry nodded. "Okay," he repeated.

"Now shoo," Katie gestured. "Check on Ginny, I have to get back to work right about now anyways; I hope everything's okay."

Harry gave a one-shoulder shrug. "It didn't seem dangerous, but if you have to go anyways, I suppose this is fine." Harry sent a quick patronus letting Ginny know he was on his way before throwing some extra coins on the table and standing up to kiss Katie goodbye. It was a quick peck, though a little hesitant given the weight of the conversation between them.

"Bye Harry, say hi to Ginny for me," Katie smiled as she walked a different direction when he nodded. Harry found himself walking down a thin alleyway out of sight of other muggles. He apparated to the doorstep of Hermione's apartment, double checking the number before knocking.

Ginny opened the door, and Harry was shocked by how haggard she looked. Although finding her in Gryffindor joggers and Holyhead Harpies' tees was nothing out of the ordinary, her bright red hair had gotten thicker and dare he say it, duller. It could have been the fact that it was in her 'messy bun' mode. The bags under her eyes were incredibly prominent, and he could see she was sporting a bludger-sized bruise on her left arm.

"Hullo," Harry said softly. "Are you okay?"

Ginny moved to the side to let him in. "I'm not really okay, but physically I'm fine," Ginny said.

"What happened to your arm?" Harry asked worriedly as he took off his coat to hang it on the coat rack. "Did someone hurt you? Did the Cascioferras come back?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Ginny waved him off, moving into the kitchen. "Green tea?" she asked.

"Sure," Harry said, settling down at the dining table. He busied himself by looking around the flat, Hermione's usual cleanliness now long forgotten under Ginny's various Quidditch statistic papers, random Gryffindor blankets, and half drunk coffee cups scattered across the living room and floor. Harry would have had a meltdown if their house had gotten this messy; the Dursely's standard of no-spot-unscrubbed was ingrained deeply in Harry's psyche.

Ginny shuffled back over, placing Harry's mug on the table with a small plunk. Harry looked around for a coaster, but couldn't find anything beyond old issues of the Quibbler. He tugged one towards him and placed his mug on top. Ginny had sat herself across from him, looking down into her own cup. "So what happened to your arm?" Harry asked.

"Oh," Ginny straightened her arm and looked down at it. "Must have been the blood work."

"Were you being tested for something? Are you sick?" Harry asked.

Ginny sighed, placing her hands in her face. "Well, I noticed a few weeks ago that I haven't been feeling right. I initially thought it was food poisoning since I couldn't seem to keep a meal down, but when I was out with Hannah Abbott, she saw the signs." Ginny paused, gulped, and looked straight at Harry, who was watching her with concern. She summoned her courage.

"There's no easy way to say this, Harry, but I'm pregnant. And it's yours." Ginny bit her lip and fell silent, waiting for Harry's reaction.

Harry felt as though the chair beneath him had been pulled away, and the shock wasn't lessening as his mind raced. He blinked a few times, and shook his head. "You're… pregnant? I heard that correctly?"

"Yes," Ginny said quietly, subdued.

"You're sure it's mine?" Harry asked.

"Well you don't see Michael here, do you?" Ginny asked sarcastically before sobering again. "But no, we weren't intimate. I was in denial myself for too long, and I only went to see a healer at Mungo's yesterday. It's real, as much as I didn't want it to be. That's why I got the blood work, you see. They were checking up on my health… and…" Ginny couldn't bring herself to say 'and our child's'.

"Is that why you didn't tell me a few weeks ago? You didn't think it was real?" Harry asked, trying to remain calm as he felt like panicking.

"Precisely," Ginny said. "I'm sorry, I should have seen a healer sooner and told you sooner, but I really just couldn't believe it. And I'm really sorry that this is happening now, of all times. When we've just gotten back a semi-friendship and were seeing other people," Ginny clarified.

Harry stared into the green tea in his hands, feeling that it wouldn't be very effective at calming him at all right then. "But you're all right? And the baby's all right?"

"So far," Ginny said. "It's difficult to know much since it's so early. But everything appears normal."

"I don't think I'm ready to be a father," Harry said truthfully. "This is terrifying."

"I'm not ready to be a mother either," Ginny said. "I'm not sure I want to be one. But I'm not sure I don't want to be one. And what if this is my only chance?"

Harry scrunched his eyebrows. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, conceiving apparently isn't as easy as one might think," Ginny said. "I mean, if I'm lucky, and I've gotten mum's genes, it probably wouldn't be much of a problem. But apparently it can be a problem, and it becomes more of a problem the older I get. So while part of me thinks this isn't the right time or the right person, what if I never get the chance to have a biological child ever again?"

Harry ran his hand through his hair. "I didn't think of that. That's even more terrifying." He sat in silence for a moment. "Well, what are you thinking? I guess, what are even the options?"

Ginny shrugged. "There's basically two options, right? Go forward with the pregnancy, or terminate it. If I want to terminate it, I should decide before the first trimester because the potion can be less effective as the magical core develops, apparently."

"When's the end of the trimester?"

"Er, in a week or two. I'm sorry I waited so long to see the healer, I know that's not a lot of time to make such a life changing decision like this," Ginny said.

Harry sighed. "I think it ultimately boils down to what you want, Ginny. You're the one who would have to carry the child."

"But you must have a preference, right?" Ginny asked. "Can you even stand the idea of having a child with me?"

"Ginny," Harry said seriously, "I proposed to you. With that, the question about having kids with you was definitely on the table and thought about. If I had found that so repulsive, why would I have ever suggested such a thing?"

"Well, but that was before," Ginny frowned. "I mean I know this must complicate matters significantly with Katie."

"I don't think it's fair to bring Katie into this decision," Harry said. "If we have a child together, you and I will have to be a team no matter what my relationship is with Katie. Or you," Harry said. "So we should think about this independently. It should be about whether we can work together as a team. And if you want this."

"Well I know we can work together as a team, Harry, I don't think that's ever been in question," Ginny said. "We've always had each other's backs, and I don't think even with everything that has happened recently that it's changed in any way, right?"

"I can agree with that, yes," Harry said.

"So I don't think that's the question. We'd make it work if we needed to. I think the bigger issue here is… do we want this?" Ginny asked.

Harry swallowed, thinking about the prospect of finally having a family of his own. He had always pictured Ginny in that family, and even with their breakup and fights, he could still see her there. "Ginny, I… you know I have always wanted a family of my own. And not too long ago, you were a guaranteed part of it. It's only recently that I've had to question it. So the timing's off and the whole situation is a bloody mess, but… we would be a good team. I'm fairly confident of that. I don't not want this, I guess," Harry said.

Ginny studied him for a long moment. "You actually want this fetus?" she asked.

"Well, what do you want?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," Ginny said honestly. "I don't like the idea of having to scale back on my career. I've just started, truly. But I don't like the idea of never having this opportunity again and also regretting my short-sightedness in the future."

"Okay, well, here's another thought," Harry began. "I want a family, Gin, a proper one. One with love and devotion. Because every baby deserves that type of environment. Where the parents love each other and love their child and want the world for him. And if we have this baby… I'd like us to try to do that. Because that's what the baby deserves."

"So you'd want to try for us again," Ginny said.

"Yes," he said simply. Ginny inhaled sharply, and Harry wondered if that was too much. "Is that a deal breaker for you?"

"I'd have to think about it," Ginny said, "but it probably wouldn't be. We know each other so well, and it worked most of the time. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship anyways, but we would have to address things properly. No vanishing it this time only for it to appear down the road and haunt us."

"Yeah, that's true," Harry said pensively. "Do you know what you're leaning towards?"

"Honestly I don't think we're ready," Ginny said. "Neither of us is prepared for this, and I would hate for any child to be born into an unstable situation. It wouldn't deserve that, and it's also unfair to us to put a timeline on this. I bet Hermione would think it's rather rash and unlikely to work well. And there's a permanence to this; we can't go back and try again."

"Okay," Harry said.

"The fact that you offered to give us another chance though, it means a lot," Ginny said, her eyes watering. "And you're such a good person Harry. Sometimes I don't remember why we gave this up. It was a good thing, wasn't it?"

Harry sighed. "It was a good thing."

"But it's making this harder," Ginny let out a wry laugh. "Because if I wanted there to ever be a person who is the father of my children, it would have to be a good person. And you are one."

Harry struggled to think about the possibilities with Katie; would she be a good mother? Would she be a better fit? Harry wrestled with his thoughts; he simply just didn't know. It was too early to tell. Harry sighed again.

"Well even if we don't have this baby, I suppose if it's in our destiny, we could always try again in the future. It's true that this is really poor timing," Harry said, though his chest tightened a little bit at the prospective loss. A mini spit-fire Ginny running around the house sounded like an awful lot of fun. Or a small version of himself given proper parents and proper love.

"How about you come to the next appointment with me?" Ginny asked. "We can ask more questions about the chances of having another opportunity in the future, or what sort of things to finish considering before we make the final decision."

"Of course, Gin', whatever you need," Harry agreed. "I can't imagine carrying a human around is easy, and I'll take responsibility when you need me to."

Ginny smiled sadly, her heart even more torn than before the conversation had started. She had a decent man in front of her who would do whatever it took to protect her and his baby. Wasn't that the most important thing? Weren't the other problems and timing just… bothersome details?

Ginny placed her face into her hands. "Merlin's saggy pants," she cursed. "This is so difficult."

Harry grabbed her hand, and while it felt familiar, it also felt foreign. It wasn't Katie's.

"I've got you, Gin," Harry said, despite the conflict swirling within him. "We'll figure it out."

AN: Oh look, another chapter! NaNoWriMo working some real magic! Hope you all have been well and are staying safe. What do you guys think about the predicament Harry and Ginny have found themselves in? Do you think they're meant to be? Or is it time to officially shut the book and end that chapter of their lives? What do you think about Harry and Katie? Leave me a review to let me know how things are going and what you think? Next chapter-back to Italy :)