As usual on a weekday morning, Adrien was roused from a fitful sleep by the piercing wail of his alarm clock. He knew from Nino's blurry-eyed but cheerful stupors before homeroom that his early morning enthusiasm was far from normal, but years of punishing, packed schedules offered a few benefits.
The best thing about having lived with a carefully maintained full agenda was that regular patterns let Adrien escape having to actually think about anything. Most days, everything went by wrote, and when that wasn't the case, he could just follow orders. It was so easy and so hard and so bitterly tempting to live without thinking. Sometimes, that was the only way that a person could live and pretend to be staying sane.
If you could call it living.
Adrien was fully-alert, showered, dressed, and ready to head out the door before Natalie gave him his ten minute warning for breakfast, all without having actually been conscious of his routine.
The real trouble arose when something broke the pattern; it forced him to start thinking and fearing.
His father was waiting for him in the dining room.
Even at this early hour as he was eating breakfast, his plate well-organized but replete with eggs and sausage that made Adrien's mouth water with the rich, savoury scent, he was wearing his suit. Perfectly tailored and pressed, it hugged his lithe figure and was fitted to emphasize his ridiculous height.
Adrien could only squirm under Gabriel Agreste's typically harsh scrutiny when the man set down a steaming cup of coffee and rose to survey him. His presence twisted the air around him into a miasma that a younger Adrien wouldn't even have had the senses to detect. Now it was the screams of a man being burnt alive, the scent of meat purifying, the sound of maggots crawling and feeding and bursting their larval shells.
There was the slick yet stilted way his father moved, the emotionless reserve that was as much a threat as any snarl, and the intensity of his light-blue eyes like cracking ice, just enough to let you see how fragile it was. One wrong move could shatter it and send you plunging into suffocating waters to drown alone in the dark.
As he stood before the meagre meal that had been laid out for him – just some fruit and toast, no protein – his father circled him. Adrien's hands twitched every time his father disappeared from view behind him. The presence hot against his back as his spine arched and tingled. A rumble tried to work its way out of his throat, which ached as he tamped down on the sound. His heart was in his head; the pungent odour of his father the only thing in his nose as the rest of the house was just as antiseptic as his bodywash and Gabriel flooded – overwhelmed – everything.
"Adrien, have you deviated from your proscribed diet?" He was using his Alpha voice. Did he ever not use it? Everything was an order or a chastisement.
"No, father." Adrien shook his head slowly, eyes to the ground like a good bitch. "I've been very careful to make certain that I only eat the meals that you send with me to school."
"Why lie to me?" Gabriel scoffed as Adrien nearly leapt out of his skin when his father grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look into his eyes. It was like he wanted Adrien to break and look away again. Was that it? "You've put on weight. If you were holding to the strict calorie limits that we've discussed with your dietitian then you would be maintaining your figure."
"I'm just growing," he deflected, and for once, he didn't break eye contact. It felt important. "It's only natural that I should be putting on weight."
That was meaningless to his father, but it was still good to hear it said.
"You're not an idiot, so don't pretend to be one. Weight does not appear as if by magic. It's a function of calorie intake and expenditure. Your diet is carefully tailored to ensure that you are in your best health while avoiding the buildup of unsightly-"
He paused and examined Adrien's chest before breaking eye contact. Was that a victory or dismissal? Adrien couldn't tell, but it didn't feel like he'd won anything.
In fact, the way his father's lips tightened up into a thin, compressed line almost caused him to wince because it was as if the way his muscle had started to strain his shirt was... something abject and abhorrent, like – like he was looking at a dead child.
"We'll need to increase your cardio to try to cut back on your muscle growth." With that dismissal, directed more to Nathalie than Adrien himself, Gabriel released him and began to walk off towards his seat.
"Nathalie, arrange an appointment with our doctor and dietitian to attempt to correct this-"
Adrien was reminded of a line from one of his favourite childhood films: you just gestured to all of me. He had watched How to Train Your Dragon in an actual theatre with his mother. It was nice to have an escape into happy memories. Even as they faded, memories let him endure, took him out of the moment.
His father continued, "And schedule another fitting for Adrien before his next photoshoot. I'm certain that our wardrobe team will wish to know that they will have to alter his outfits."
And as Nathalie took down notes on her tablet, his father left, as if that was all that had to be said. Adrien was worth no more words.
He was permitted to shovel his peach and yogourt on a piece of toast into his mouth before his bodyguard escorted him out the door.
In the entryway, he paused, hands clenching. "Nathalie, could you reach out to the Tsurugi estate?" His father's musk was still in his nose. His Alpha voice echoed as Adrien curled his hands into fists, spine rigid.
"I- I feel that I should prepare for the – the upcoming fencing tournament that's scheduled next month, and I would probably benefit from Kagami's assistance."
Nathalie's eyes flicked towards the dining area and back.
"Of course, Adrien," she began slowly. "It is important to maintain good business relations with the Tsurugis." The most Nathalie could offer was a sad smile, but that and her collusion were enough to make him love her.
He loved too easily. Maybe that's why his affections were inconsistent. Maybe that was why he was haunted by so many eyes, so many scents, so many people who deserved better than his instincts.
Already he was starting to think.
Her tablet beeped, and she turned away. "I would be happy to make such arrangements, provided that the Tsurugis are not otherwise engaged. You should hear back from me by this afternoon."
Having settled into the back seat of his father's spacious luxury Tsurugi-brand car, Adrien had time to mull as he watched the traffic pass by on his way to school.
Even if he maintained an A average, "thinking" was always something that he hated. It... hurt because these days his thoughts always turned to either happy places that made it difficult for him to avoid embarrassing himself completely or "unhappy" places, as they did now.
All those eyes.
He'd thought about Marinette last night. Why? He never had before during his "private time" because she was – she was too precious a friend, too calming an influence for him to sully her like that.
Luka was obvious. He was awakened... cute and kind, deferential and caring and warm in the Liberty, packed so tight with flotsam that it was like his whole home was a nest. He was freedom and responsibility commingled – a parent to his younger sister since his father left, yet never burdened by that endless capacity to listen, never complaining about caring for Juleka and, in a way, for his mother as well.
Adrien could see him now, seated on the deck of the Liberty, eyes closed, reverent, lost in the sensation of his fingers on the strings of his guitar and the heart-song that flowed like cream and honey, fat and sweet. God, Adrien wanted that. He could never lose himself in his music when he was with his father. The wild free spirit of an artist and his cool, slippery personality made it almost impossible to predict exactly how Luka would express his concern – how he'd care and nurture.
Adrien reached over to his school bag and settled it onto his lap so that he could squeeze it tightly, needing something to do with his arms.
There were beautiful things in the world that had to be protected.
That was why he was Chat Noir.
Like Marinette, and for many of the same reasons, Luka would make someone a – a wonderful mate, pillowing down together in great masses of baby cashmere and mulberry silk with all the sweetness of vanilla and the sea air, home-baked foods and a wild-safe freedom. Gentle lullabies sung in Luka's sweetly harmonious voice as Marinette blushed without stuttering because she felt completely protected and warm and loved, overshadowed but not blotted out by Kagami's campfire and cinnamon musk.
The car window was cool against his forehead. He needed it. Needed to cool off, even though this – this wasn't sex this time. But it was all spoken with the same mental voice, aggressive and demanding now also heavy like a weighted blanket.
Why was he thinking about her like this?
Like Ladybug, they didn't love him.
At least thinking about Ladybug had made sense; he'd scented her last evening for the first time since she'd awakened, but Marinette?
How could he not feel guilt over th-
He jerked when something clattered against the seat, crinkling. The shock had a growl spilling from his throat as he looked down at the... protein bar?
The Gorilla's eyes flashed up into the rear-view mirror and Adrien realized that they had arrived in front of Collège Françoise Dupont. Students were already pouring into the building through the entryway doors.
Looking at that little foil-wrapped packet and then back to the rear-view mirror, where he saw the Gorilla had turned away and was now examining the traffic, he felt light and full. He scooped up the packet and nearly crushed it in his hand while shifting his bag so that he could get out of the car.
Before he left, he leaned in to whisper, soft and sincere, "Thank you."
The Gorilla never smiled, but his eyes did, and that was enough.
It took only a few minutes to reach his class, and far fewer than that to polish off his snack. The rather scant meal was still a third of what he probably should be eating as both Chat Noir and a growing Alpha, but he'd take that over a piece of toast any day.
He hated the way that his presence stilled conversation, just for a moment, when he entered the room and took his seat. There were instinctual responses to an Alpha's presence, and they only made him feel more isolated; he had gone to school because he wanted friends and equals.
The room had an odd composition – too many Omegas and too many familiar faces from when he'd first arrived at College: Alix, Sabrina, Chloe, Lila, Nino, Alya, Marinette (who was unfortunately late or still absent), Nath, and him, all together still, alongside some other familiar faces like Marc.
Chloe's influence on the school by way of her father's considerable power probably accounted for the arrangement of their class. She liked being surrounded by Omegas because it made it easier for her to assert dominance, and the reason for his presence as the only Alpha, unawakened to start the school year, was obvious.
The preening Lila across the aisle probably concocted some cock-and-bull story to get assigned to the same class.
He'd taken the high-road and sold his soul in a devil's deal to get her to leave Marinette alone.
Then, he'd have done worse, if necessary.
Now – now that Chat Noir had went his way to Marinette's balcony several times since his awakening only a few weeks ago, skin aflame, clawing at his costume, and felt her fingertips brush under the edges of his hairline and scratch deep, gentle with his twitching cat ears that were so sensitive, her scent and the softness of her belly as he pawed at her when he was desperate...
Now that he'd held her when she cried over the stresses that she wouldn't talk about, nuzzling her head and scenting her and telling her that- that she was a good... person and kind and giving and deserved the world...
Now, he'd do anything.
Class began, and it was all largely facile. He barely had to pay attention to the droning lecture. Could barely do it.
Marinette was missing another day of class.
He missed her.
Maybe Chat Noir could visit her again.
When it came time to complete their group-work assignment, Alix took Marinette's place as their forth member, sparing them from Lila, who wasn't quite so quick on her feet. It was kind of nice. Alix smelled... neutral. Like a child, in a way, because the hormone treatments kept her from awakening as ... whatever she would have been but knew she wasn't. She told them all at fourteen that she "wanted none of that bullshit," and it seemed to be working for her.
Lunch rolled around quickly, but it hadn't been so bad today. His thoughts were firmly planted in his "big head" today, it seemed, and they always seemed to trail back to that nest of rare fabrics, sea breeze, vanilla, and cinnamon.
He had just settled in with his – he pulled the prepared lunch from his school bag – lovely kale salad when an angel of mercy came to him.
Smelling slightly of sweat, bodywash, "unscented" deodorant, grease, and the press of other peoples' bodies, Nino waltzed over to his table, his girlfriend trailing after him. Both of them carted heavily-laden plastic trays with their lunches.
"Hey, dude! You put that... thing down right now." His face curved with a horribly exaggerated frown that had Adrien laughing at just how 'severe' his friend was trying to appear.
An angel of mercy bearing gifts, which were proffered to him in a crumpled paper bag.
"Oh, Nino, man – I love you!" He nearly salivated, biting down on his lip to maintain the pretense of calm and control, as he tore open the bag and admired what probably should have been a revolting pair of half-crushed fast-food hamburgers that smelled like a cross between shoe-leather and heaven as they oozed with grease.
"Whoa, there, Sunshine. You look like you're about to make-out with that hamburger ... or with my boy-toy over here." Alya waved her cell phone. "If it's Nino you're eyeing up, let me know, 'cause I'll need a minute to set up to record video."
Adrien smiled and deflected, just like he was supposed to, even though being gifted with food by the other boy made him feel ... uncertain: flattered but angry at the same time, mostly at himself, because he shouldn't be receiving food.
"Sorry about that, Nino," he apologized for no reason, taking the half-wrapped hamburger from the bag and tearing off the rest of the slick paper, mostly translucent with fat. "I'm just really hungry this afternoon, I guess."
Nino winked as he sat at his girlfriend's side, and that might have felt flirty enough to provoke a reaction, but Adrien's desires were firmly in the "food" territory at the moment. "No worries, dude. I know you always get a little riled up when it comes to burgers."
"You're a gem," Adrien mumbled, forgoing decorum in a way that was surprisingly satisfying as he tore into his meal. It was gone almost immediately. He inhaled it, provoking some sardonic slow-clapping from Alya. Nino only frowned when Adrien polished off the second one just as quickly, and the model was thankful that he knew not to say anything.
"So, Sunshine. I just got a message from Mari," Alya said, twirling her cell phone.
"Really? She's feeling better? Does she know what was wrong or did she go to the doctor or-" Adrien blurted in a rush of unexpected eagerness that he only just managed to tamp down on.
"Easy, there. There's not much to be done. She's on the mend and should be good to go tomorrow morning," Alya explained while she plucked a fry from her boyfriend's plate in a show of dominance.
"Are you sure? I- I'd be happy to pick up anything that she needs and drop it off and the bakery. I know that her parents are busy." If he had been willing to pick up her constipation capsules, happy to know that he'd just been able to help, strange as it was for her to ask him, he was ready to seek out anything for her, up to and including feminine hygiene products if necessary.
"You know that gifts for a girl could be... misinterpreted, right?" Alya said with a curious glint in her eye that seemed a little too predatory for a Beta, and it tamped down on the excitement he'd felt on learning of Marinette's return.
"Oh, everyone knows that Marinette and I are just friends." That idea hurt more than it should if it were actually true. "No one's going to get any wrong ideas."
"Well, what about your girlfriend?"
"Kagami?"
Alya scoffed while Nino just started to stuff his face with food from his platter and keep his eyes off of them.
"Got another girlfriend we don't know about, Sunshine?"
Ladybug and Marinette herself came to mind. Luka too if he was willing to be "girl." Not something Adrien should be thinking about, clearly, even if Nino and Alya couldn't pick up on it, the other shifting and tensing Alphas and Omegas around the lunchroom surely could.
"Uh. Well. It's – I think she'd be okay with it, if they were for Marinette," Adrien stumbled, clutching his thigh under the table to release stress. "I mean, Kagami really cares about her. They- they're really good friends too."
Now he was firmly on the "sex track" again with the thought of his girlfriend and Marinette being... very good friends to each other.
"You know, if you are looking for another girlfriend, you might try to go for someone more compatible," Alya teased awkwardly, forcing it, leaning in.
Threat.
A great burst of white hot anger made the greasy mass in his stomach sit like lead.
"Alya, I would appreciate it if you were slightly more respectful of Kagami," he growled low. Even Nino leaned away from him.
"I'm plenty respectful, Sunshine," she soothed, smile cracking slightly as she held up a hand. "That just came out wrong. You know that I'm fully in support of people loving whoever they want, like Nath and Marc, whatever any asshole has to say about that. It's just that, statistically, Alphas can't go wrong with Omegas, you know? But you do you."
"Thanks, Alya. I'm so grateful that I have your permission." Air inflated his lungs, his muscles tensing at the – the lack of actual submission, and that was a terrifying feeling, but he couldn't stop himself. "I'll be sure to let Kagami know that our relationship meets with your approval."
God, he was a hormonal little shit.
With a poke to her boyfriend's side, Alya appeared to calm. "Nino, let's get your bro a slice of pizza or something. Adrien isn't exactly himself on a two-burger belly."
Dismissive.
Like she could just leave him.
Like she was better than him.
As they rose, he did the same and raced to the nearest bathroom.
A splash of cool water on his face calmed him, and he repeated it, cupping his hands under the flow from the tap to watch the chilly liquid pool, clear in his palms, before bringing it to his cheeks. Some of the water slicked his hair to his forehead and, after angling the jet of the hand-dryer to address the matter, he had to spend several minutes in the mirror "fixing" himself with a comb and some jell so that he would maintain the company image.
The chime of his phone, a snippet from the first notes of Bach's Kleine Fuge in G-moll, told him that Nathalie was trying to reach him. There was nothing but disappointment and a sickening chill.
Tsurugis are occupied this afternoon. Meeting tomorrow at 16:30.
When he returned to class, he still didn't listen to the lecture. There was nothing there that he wanted to learn. He just fiddled with his pens and pretended to take notes.
With the chance to spar with Kagami gone, he longed to see Marinette, to peek into her warm, fabric-strewn room and see her laying there in bed, maybe snot-nosed but confirmed safe, and then crawl into bed with her to cradle her as she recovered. He could stroke her belly to soothe away the cramps, if that was the issue, or bring her her favourite soups or set up a humidifier to help dislodge his stuffy nose if she was phlegmy and gross and she'd wick away the heat in his skin, even if she was feverish.
Whatever illness she was suffering from, he'd gladly risk infection – minimal though it was as his costume protected him from all manner of harm, enhancing his immune system just as it rendered him almost impervious to physical harm.
But if he was being honest, he just wanted to see her and smell her.
Ignorance of the role of an Alpha outside of tropes from his favourite anime – he had learned that those were not to be entirely trusted – left him unsure. He didn't know much about what he was "supposed" to be, or who he wanted to be because the image was an incoherent mess of his father, his instinct, and his actual desires.
Yet he knew one thing: Alphas protected.
For all Chat Noir's bluster, flirts, and machismo; for all his dorkiness, which Adrien now recognized as such, because it was all Adrien knew about how to be a man, Chat Noir did that. He fought and died and... and he would even die permanently, without hesitation, if it meant keeping Ladybug safe, or protecting his city because that was where Marinette, Luka, Kagami, Nino, Alya (annoying though she was at times) and even Chloe (ditto), and the Gorilla and-
Oh.
Listing them off like that – the people he would die for, who meant something to him who he mattered to – felt better than he imagined.
All the ride home, he savoured that thought and the recognition that, while he might not have a pack in the way that Kagami wanted one, they were actually a little bit closer to having a family than he'd acknowledged consciously.
He'd protect them, at this moment, Marinette, whatever the cost. That was what an Alpha did, and what he – what he actually wanted to do and that was a wonder for someone whose father had never cared what he wanted or needed.
If that meant burning up for another night without seeing Kagami or Marinette, letting her get the rest that she needed to recover, well, he was used to suffering for his Lady.
He'd gladly do the same for Marinette.
Author's Notes: I hope that you enjoyed the more contemplative and romantic turn to Adrien's thoughts as he tries to sort out his feelings and general obliviousness.
Thank you for the support by leaving reviews, favoriting the story, or just simply investing your time in reading it.
Hopefully Alya came across reasonably fairly. She's a good person, but has a one-track mind sometimes, especially now that she knows that Marinette is a "match" for Adrien.