Hello! I've been busy with real life obligations and just felt like I needed a break so this chapter was my get-away from all of it. Thank god, it's almost xmas so I get to breathe(and write some moar)

This chapter needed a bit of juggling with POVs, apologies in advance, I separated the thing with page breaks so it should not be too horrible :3

-Nova

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The blue eyes that stared back from the mirror did look puffy and Ririka noticed the dark rings under her eyes. The guilt had eaten her from the inside so much, she didn't feel much else besides the emptiness it had left. She wished she could go back to the Sunday afternoon to explain everything to Mary. Somehow the thought of telling about her arranged marriage after getting married didn't seem like the best approach. The life after the marriage would continue quite the same it had been before; she would still finish her studies and had no intention of being romantically involved with anyone besides Mary.

The marriage itself had been arranged long time ago, Ririka had always known about it, never questioned there would be any other direction her life would take. Not before she met Mary anyway. Kirari had been strict about the rules for many years, their family affairs were their own and nobody else was to know. When she had showed up on the family estate a few days ago, Ririka was surprised to see her sister changing her mind about at least some of the previous agreements. The twins had turned 18 during their summer break which Kirari used as a vague excuse to express that they now had a lot more freedom.

Ririka was so lost in her thoughts she barely registered the staff fussing around her. A sharp tuck on the delicate hair on the back of her neck made her flinch. She took another glance at the mirror. Her hair was now pulled up neatly and the woman was trying to fit large decorative pieces into the bun. All the pieces felt as painful as what they looked like. Today she would have to hold a tea ceremony for some important guests and later attend a formal dinner with her fiancé's family. Everything was going as planned to every small detail someone had probably decided before she had even been born. She had done well living up to the expectations of her family so far but still couldn't help but to feel like the biggest failure in the history.

"Mary-chan, please cheer up a bit!" Yumeko poked her friend playfully on the side. "Did something happen on Friday after I left?"

Mary lifted her gaze from the unopened melon bread package. She had suddenly remembered what Ririka had said about her eating habits and gotten lost in her thoughts. "No…I mean—yes. Things happened. A lot of things."

"Oh? Good things I hope?" Yumeko frowned.

"Well—yeah. There was just something else yesterday I can't just quite figure out," Mary said and fumbled her pocket for the small letter Ririka had left her. She kept it with her but didn't want to open it yet. Yumeko eyed the uninteresting looking paper curiously before it disappeared back to Mary's pockets.

"Has anyone ever said you have some weird habits with certain things?" Yumeko asked slightly amused.

"Like what?" Mary blushed but the conversation started to feel familiar.

"I've seen you start grabbing things when you get emotional, usually from your pockets. And it's never what I think it would be."

"Shut up," Mary said. She wondered how many people had noticed the same thing. "Ririka said something like that too."

"She has a keen eye, then. What else did she say?" Yumeko smiled and nudged Mary on the shoulder.

"She said—no… Why should I tell you?" Mary blushed when she noticed she almost started to babble about things related to Ririka. She didn't want to be the person who never shut up about the person they were interested in.

"Because I'm your friend."

"Right… I'm still not telling you any details." Mary got lost thinking about the said details and a stupid grin spread across her face.

"I just… I don't want you to get hurt," Yumeko said and grabbed Mary's hand. "I'm related to the Momobamis, remember?"

"So, you know something you think I don't know?!" Mary nearly jumped up from the cafeteria chair.

"Ah—can't really be sure what you know if you don't tell me." Yumeko teased and looked a bit uncomfortable.

"I… can't tell you everything. I made a promise. But Ririka was acting really strange yesterday before she left." Mary dug up the piece of paper from her pocket again and idly played around with the corners with her fingertips.

"Yesterday? So, she spent the whole weekend with you?" Yumeko grinned and Mary blushed heavily.

"W-what makes you think…" Mary cursed her big mouth. For all she knew, Yumeko could have been just playing with her to get more gossip. "OK, fine. She spent the weekend at my place. Happy now?"

"Yes. But only if you are."

"I am." Mary blurted out.

"Good. So, what's the deal with that note?"

"I gave her one too and told her she can't open it before she misses me so much that she absolutely has to." Mary suppressed her curiosity to open hers and put the letter away. "So, I'll do the same. It's been less than 24 hours. I'm not that weak."

"Oh! That sounds really romantic! Whose idea was that?" Yumeko asked.

"Mine…"

"You're so nice to Ririka, it almost makes me jealous." Yumeko pretended to be upset and pouted her lips.

"Geez, just… shut up," Mary said and rolled her eyes, but her words lacked the usual snappy punch.

Ririka curled up under the thin blankets on the hard futon sprawled on the floor. She missed the warmth and the smell of Mary's bed. The night was turning out to be quite cold and the old traditional building was drafty, even with the extra blanket it was chilly. The evening had been exhausting and she had been distracted by her thoughts so much that other people made remarks about her distant behavior. She had been waiting for the moment she could be alone in her room but now that she was, she felt even lonelier than usual.

The nights she had spent in the same room last week felt distant. Back then she could count the days she had left before she would see Mary again. Now the thought of confronting Mary made her stomach turn and she felt the familiar panic settling in her chest again. She grabbed on to the blankets tighter and swallowed back the tears that were already burning her eyes.

I should have told her everything.

Please, don't hate me, Mary.

She couldn't stop herself from crying, between her uncontrollable sobs she finally recalled the note she had somewhere in her pocket with the clothes she had on when she arrived. She started to go around the room in the dark and looked for the clothes in the cupboard she knew she had left them but the clothes were not there.

Laundry… the servants must have taken them.

She felt hopeless. Her breathing was getting heavy and it hurt with every intake of air. She stumbled towards the hallway and hoped she would still find her belongings in one of the other rooms. She remembered how Mary's washing machine had been in the bathroom so she headed towards the closest bathroom available and hoped one of the adjoining rooms would have washing machines.

Her actions must have caused a ruckus and woken up one of the servants who came out hurriedly from a nearby room.

"Momobami-sama, is something wrong?" The servant asked quietly.

"I can't find…" Ririka sobbed quietly and took a few deep breaths before she was able to speak again. "I can't find the clothes I wore yesterday."

"The laundry room is over here, please, follow me," the servant said with a kind tone and gently guided Ririka towards a door in the far corner.

Ririka had to raise her arm on her face when the lights were flipped on, the brightness burned her eyes.

"Here, we washed everything today. I'm sorry we didn't return these back to your room yet." The servant took a pile of neatly folded clothing in her hands and held it out to Ririka.

"You—You washed it?" Ririka asked and felt her heart sink. First thought that popped to her mind was that the paper probably didn't survive the washing machine. The second was a sad feeling that her clothes wouldn't smell like Mary anymore. She started her quiet sobbing again. "I guess I deserve this, too."

Ririka leaned her back against the wall and slid down, hugged her knees and started to wail loudly.

The servant was clearly taken aback of this strange behavior and crouched carefully next to the hopeless girl.

"Is there a problem? We didn't know you didn't want your clothes washed; I apologize for—"

"No, it's my fault!" Ririka cried. "There was… something important in my pocket."

"We always check the pockets before we put the clothes in the washing machine. If you're talking about the two pieces of paper, I put them back to the pocket after wash."

Ririka raised her head and stopped crying. She grabbed the clothes and fumbled the pockets for the notes. She found both and sighed in relief. She unfolded the note Mary had given her.

I know you must be feeling sad when you read this, but remember I'm here for you, always. Take care of yourself, you're stronger and more fearless than you give yourself credit for. I believe in you and miss you too, please come back soon.

Ririka read the note several times before her breathing got steadier again. She noticed the servant was still standing next to her, probably feeling a bit confused about the whole situation.

"I'm sorry to bother you so late." Ririka got up on her feet and was about to leave back to her room. She stopped in the doorway and turned around. "Actually, one more thing… You wouldn't happen to have a cell phone?"

The next day Mary woke up and a quick glance at her phone displayed one unanswered call from the previous night. She was sure it had been from Ririka but had no way of confirming it. The number was of someone unknown and could not be reached when she tried calling it back. She hurriedly gathered her things and put her school uniform on, buttoning last of her shirt on her way in the elevator downstairs.

The whole way to school she wished the train would move faster, cursed every station it had to stop in. She kept trying to call the number again just to make sure, but it was still out of reach. When the train reached the station, she almost ran the whole way to school. She was way too early for there to be much students around, but that was her intention. She stayed close to the gates and waited until she saw a black town car approach. She barely waited for the President to get out of the back seat when she rushed towards her.

"Where is she?!" Mary tried to contain her anxiety but failed and the few students coming to school stopped to stare at the strange sight.

"Well, good morning to you too, Saotome-san." Kirari straightened her blazer and started walking towards the front doors with Mary on her heels.

"I don't have patience to play games with you now. Where is she?" Mary kept asking and hurried her steps to keep up with the taller girl.

"The family estate. She didn't tell you?" Kirari barely paid attention to the blonde trailing behind her.

"Well, I assumed something like that. But why?" Mary pried while they ascended the stairs to the front doors.

"Well, that's not what you asked. You asked me where she is, and I told you. Now, if you'd please let me continue with my morning tasks," Kirari said waving her hand and disappeared behind the doors.

Mary was left outside still trying to figure out if the gut feeling she had was wrong or not. The call could have been from anyone, a wrong number too. But the timing was too convenient for it to mean nothing.

"The note," Mary quietly said to herself and reached for her pocket. She found the weathered piece of paper and unfolded it impatiently. She stared at the few simple words sprawled on the paper and felt a chill run down her spine.

I'm sorry.

The only words on the paper. Mary turned it around multiple times to see if there was more. Thoughts of various things started to run through her head of what the note could mean. She had a few wild guesses that didn't seem too wild when she remembered the family she was dealing with. If any of them were true, she knew just how horrible Ririka would be feeling about keeping them a secret. She felt a pressing pain in her chest while reading the simple words on the paper. There was no doubt now for what the call in the middle of the night was about.

Her hands trembled and she found it hard to open the door when all the strength in her muscles seemed to have drained out. She finally managed to slip through the heavy door while softly bumping into someone standing right behind it. She hoped to find a familiar face, Yumeko, or someone she could try to explain what was going on. Someone who would tell her she was worrying for nothing, who would tell her the words meant nothing as drastic as what she had in mind.

"What took you so long?" Kirari's voice rang in Mary's ears.

"No—Not you," Mary said and clutched for support from the President's shoulders.

"What are you talking about?" Kirari asked, slightly taken aback of the sudden change of mood.

Mary said nothing but stuffed the note she was holding to Kirari's hand. The blonde tried to look around if there was anything else she could support herself against but the lobby was a big empty space. The distance to the closest flight of stairs seemed too far to reach. Standing so close to the President made her feel even more uncomfortable but she had no choice but to cling on to her to keep herself standing up.

"I see… Can you walk?" Kirari asked with a tone so soft it made Mary instantly lift her gaze to check if this was indeed the twin she originally thought.

"Of course, I can walk." Mary stated matter-of-factly. Kirari chuckled and snaked her arm around Mary's waist to give support.

"Let's go here. Nobody uses these rooms in the morning." The President kept talking while slowly dragging the confused blonde closer to a long hallway with some of the club rooms.

"Wait… What are you doing?" Mary felt too weak to resist and tried her best not to trip over her own feet.

Kirari reached for the handle of the door, it was locked. She quickly found a chain of keys in her pocket and Mary counted three tries on the lock before she found the right key. She guided Mary to a small couch and went back to close the door.

"How are you feeling right now?" Kirari asked when she returned and sat next to Mary on the couch. She kept a respectable distance this time.

"Dizzy… Can't feel my legs, actually." Mary tried closing her eyes but it just intensified the spinning feeling.

"Just take a deep breath for 3 seconds, hold it for another 3 and release it after 3."

"What?" Mary looked at Kirari in disbelief.

"Trust me, it helps."

"Trust is hardly—"

"It was a figure of speech. You are having a panic attack. Take a word from someone who has lived their life with a sister with the same issues. Now. Shut up and breathe," Kirari said, calmly but she was clearly getting irritated.

Mary took a deep breath as instructed and after finally releasing it, she already felt better. She repeated it a few times and felt relatively normal again.

"So, Ririka has these too?" Mary turned to Kirari. It was more of a statement of what she had just learned so she continued when she saw the irritated look on the other girl's face. "Is that why she thinks she's weak?"

"Can't remember the last time she had one, but yes, she used to have quite a few when we were younger."

Mary had a sudden realization that there was one person in the whole world who knew everything there was to know about Ririka and she was sitting next to her. Only slight problem was the usual reluctance of this person to co-operate on anything and she knew she wouldn't get the information for free if she kept so blatantly asking questions.

"So, you saw the note, right? The thing is, I gave my phone number to Ririka that she could call me if she needed to talk to me." Mary had a short break to catch her breath again. "Someone called me last night from a strange number, I think it was her… No, I'm sure it was her. And then I read the note just now, and I just can't shake this feeling that she's not OK."

"I'm quite sure she is not." Kirari agreed.

"THEN DO SOMETHING!" Mary yelled and felt like she wanted to shake some sense into the girl sitting next to her with the eerily calm expression. "Can't you just tell her to come back or whatever?"

Kirari examined the flustered mess in front of her and sighed. "It's not so simple, Mary-san."

"Of course, it's simple! You just go and get her back. She thinks she needs to apologize for something, but I'm 100% sure she didn't do anything wrong!" Mary felt angry at the stupid family and their stupid matters.

"That's not entirely correct." Kirari added and was clearly hinting at something again.

"Enough with these fucking games, you told her not to tell me like you told me not to tell anyone else. I'm just so sick of this stupid cryptic nonsense, could you just please explain what is going on?"

"On the contrary, I asked her to tell you and she didn't. I'm not the monster you think I am, she has a free will to do whatever she pleases." Kirari had a slight change of expression and Mary couldn't quite pinpoint if it was because of irritation or concern. "I'm as surprised as you are that she chose to suffer through the bothersome family obligations."

Mary tried to process the information. Something was clearly bothering Ririka during the weekend, she just assumed she couldn't talk about it. She could see Kirari's possibly unintentional attempts to make Ririka look like the villain. Mary refused to believe this was a situation Ririka would want if given a real choice to decide. As to what might have been the family obligations Kirari was referring to, Mary could only guess but didn't want to jump into any conclusions.

"So, you made her choose between me and the family?" Mary asked.

"Well, no—"

"Then stop making it sound like it." Mary sighed loudly. "Could you just go and get her back here?"

"No. I think you should do it," Kirari said and trailed off to her thoughts for a while. "I have only one condition."

"Great. Of course, there is a catch. What do you want?" Mary was getting annoyed.

"There is no catch." Kirari looked uncharacteristically pissed off and massaged her temples. "Seriously, you—"

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR GAMES—" Mary bellowed and stood up from the couch. Her head felt woozy from standing up too fast and she felt the room spin too fast again. To her amazement, again, Kirari got up on her feet and grabbed at her shoulders to support her.

"This is not a game, Mary! Would you, please, just… shut up and listen!" Kirari raised her voice and pressed the blonde gently back on the couch. "You are lucky I've actually seen how soft you are with my sister. Your attitude wouldn't get you very far with this if I hadn't…"

Mary took a few deep breaths again. When she was sure she had calmed down enough, she gave a small nod to the girl still standing in front of her.

"The thing I need to know before sending you off to wreck my sister's future and our family reputation, is that you are serious about this." Kirari said with a calmer tone.

"She's getting married, isn't she?" Mary asked quietly.

"Yes."

"And you want me to go and stop her?" Mary asked again.

"Well, not exactly. Only thing I ask, and this is the condition I will give you, make her decide on what she wants for herself. So, you cannot ask her to do it for you and I don't want her to go through with this because she thinks it's what I want or what would be the best for the family. I know I wouldn't do it, if I were in her situation." Kirari sat on the couch and Mary noticed the usual playful glint in her eyes was gone.

"I think I understand. And I know what I need to do, just leave it to me."

Both nodded in mutual understanding. Had it not been for the delicate situation, Mary would have felt pleased with herself for guessing Kirari's motives right from the start. She clearly cared for her sister, but what seemed to be true for both siblings was that they had absolutely no idea how to deal with their feelings.

End notes:

Hah, the times I wanted to go and shake the characters for being dolts with this story! FFnet is not huge with the Kakegurui fics, so this might be the last KG fic I'm posting here. Just a heads up, I'll finish this story of course! There are a lot more KG fics in Archive of Our Own. Can recommend to check them out, not just mine. All of 'em. :3