Virgil slams the book closed, coughing as the rising dust assaults his nostrils. He hates this course. Nearly 4 years of studying, day after day of gruelling lectures, tedious studying just to stay up with the other guys on his course. He can't even remember the last time he had a proper meal. Virgil's routine is the same every day.
05:30: wake up, for his morning weigh in, adding an extra 10 minutes to his morning run per half pound added.
05:35: get dressed into sweats and a tank top and pound the streets until he can physically move no more.
07:30: shower and a black coffee for breakfast.
08:00: first lecture of the day. Ignoring the rumble in his stomach, fighting every urge to fall asleep as he concentrates on the topic being presented. For 4 hours.
12:00: Fresh air and freedom for his lunch break, which he spends in the library reading back through the notes from his last class, hoping that just some of what was taught sunk in and has made sense. His nails digging into his palms in punishment when he realises that it doesn't matter how many classes he takes, nothing works he has only passed the first 3 years because his father has paid off the college to keep him.
13:00: another 3 hours of lectures.
16:00: finally he is free. Free for the gym and 2 hours of cardio and weight training. During which he allows himself a litre bottle of water and half an energy bar.
18:00: back to the dormitory to study relentlessly until finally falling asleep, still fully dressed on top of the blanket on his bed. In a room so devoid of personality no one would guess it was occupied.
There is nothing happy about Virgils life, he has spent his first 22 years on Earth trying to be the perfect child his father demanded. Sure the first few years weren't that bad; he even had some fun times during his childhood. His mom would sit and play the piano, with him on her lap repeating the notes and she even managed to talk his father into letting him take lessons. The hours spent at the piano or painting were the only escapes he had.
Remembering the rows he had with his father regarding his future. He wanted to go to art school in Paris and tour Europe studying art history. His father telling him that he wasn't prepared to pay for him to follow his own dreams, threatening to break his hands if he needed the motivation to do as he is ordered. Virgil was his child and therefore had to do as he was told.
Virgil still painted, but secretly, where no one could ever find out. His pictures are all full of rage, using dark dismal landscapes to convey his feelings on canvas, and they are all stored under the loose floorboard under his bed.
The only brother who knows his shameful artistic secret is Gordon, the only brother who has suffered as badly at their father's hands than he has. The one who came so close to dying from a rib fracture which punctured his lung and left him unable to breathe. It was Virgil who was sent to find him, after he had not turned up for dinner. The panic when he found him barely breathing, having collapsed in the bathroom still has him waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, screaming.
His father's reaction to it all, acting like the concerned parent while Gordon was rushed away in an ambulance for surgery, to the man who sat by his bedside for three days, his vows to change. Vows which only lasted a few weeks before he was back to the angry, volatile dictator they all knew, and that they all hated.
For what feels like the millionth time, Virgil vows to himself that he is done with this life. Getting up from the desk and stripping his shirt off. He stares at himself in the mirror, running a finger across his prominent collar bones and ribs. There are scars on his back from his father's belt, and his body is covered with fine, downy hair, including his face. Hair he has to shave every morning. His father would never accept facial fungus.
He has no control over any aspect of his life, forced to be the poster child for family harmony, he found strange comfort is being able to control his food intake, starting when he was 14 years old, after his father called ridiculed him at Alans birthday party when he had an extra slice of cake. That one throw away comment made him realise that it didn't matter what he did, his father was never going to be proud of him. And it started a vicious cycle of eating and purging, which became barely eating when he realised that he needed to get some control over his life. Counting calories, obsessively weighing himself 5 times a day because the only thing he was good at. Smiling every morning when he hopped on the scales and found the pounds falling off him.
Being his ideal weight was the only thing he knew he was good at. This is the only thing he has left, and not even Gordon knows about this secret.
His mind made up, tomorrow he is quitting the course and living his own life. Happy with his decision, he collapses into bed, after updating his food diary. Pleased that he didn't give into his cravings for food, that the only thing that passed his lips was his morning coffee, some water and half an energy bar.
*TB*
However the following morning, he can't do it. The alarm dragging him out of bed at 5:30, and starts running, the urge to just keep running getting stronger by the minute. Visions of his mother and fathers disappointment if he quit, knowing his youngest brothers will bear the brunt of the anger, and that his fathers an expert with the belt destroys his resolve, rather be unhappy here and know that his brothers are safe than happy in Paris while his brothers get whipped for the most minor offenses, such as breathing without consent.
Pouring his one cup of coffee he allows himself, he can't help feeling the cold. He is always cold now. luckily, it is February and there is still enough snow on the ground to hide beneath thick woollen jumpers over layers of t-shirts, and a special thermal vest designed to keep the heat in, without anyone questioning it.
He is hiding in his usual spot in the library when his phone rings. Groaning when he sees his fathers name on the caller I.D, knowing that there would be severe punishment inflicted if he dared to ignore it.
"Father?" He asks, swiping a finger across the screen to accept the incoming call.
"Gordon set the barn on fire, Alan fell trying to put it out and is in the hospital" Jeff replies, his business-like voice devoid of emotion.
"WHAT?! Is he okay? What about Gordon?" Virgil has to know.
"He has a broken leg and serious burns to his upper body, but he will be fine." Jeff tells him.
"And Gordon?" Virgil knows that Gordon will be feeling really guilty if Alan got hurt because of something he did, growing up these two were each other's best friends.
"I don't care, I am done with him" Jeff replies, animosity dripping from his words.
"Tell Alan I will be there as soon as I can" Virgil tells him, vowing to call Gordon the second he is off the phone.
"No, you are staying where you are. Finish college. With the grades you got last year you need all the extra time studying that you can get. You constantly disappoint me boy, and if you dare come home before the end of the semester you will fail the course, and then you will be billed for all 4 years of college. I have sacrificed a great deal for you Virgil and you will do as I say or there will be consequences" Jeff tells him.
"You know what father..." Virgil starts, but he can't finish, his heart is pounding, and there is sweat dripping down his forehead. He cannot believe that he almost told his father how he felt.
"What?" Jeff asks.
"Forget it, tell Alan I will talk to him in a few days" He tells him.
Jeff is smiling, knowing he has his second born child exactly where he belongs. Under his thumb. "Better. Goodbye Virgil"
Virgil hangs up without another word and dials Gordons number.
"Hey Virg" he replies answering after only one ring.
"Where are you?" Virgil asks, getting straight to the point.
"Hi Gordon, how are you. I am fine thanks Virgil thanks for asking" Gordon replies sarcastically.
"Gordon, this is serious. Stop being a brat!" Virgil replies, rolling his eyes.
"Okay fine, somewhere in Colorado. Guessing you have spoken to Jefferson" Gordon tells him.
"Where are you going?" Virgil asks.
"LA, I am going to try out for W.A.S.P. I was going to contact you once I had arrived to ask if you wanted to be my emergency contact" Gordon tells him.
"W.A.S.P?" Virgil replies in shock, of all the things he pictured, this was not even on the waiting list.
"Yeah, they have an amazing oceanography course I want to do, and I can complete it while I am on active duty. Seriously Virg there recruiting for a year long study on a bathyscape of marine farming methods. You know I have only ever wanted this. And I can find so many ways to help the environment. No rocket trips to far off galaxies murdering the earths natural resources." Breaking out into one of the arguments he was forever having with their father.
Virgil can't help the feelings of jealousy; his brother is going to escape from the tyranny of their parents while he is going to be trapped forever. A college degree he doesn't want and a lifetime working for his father in Tracy Industries.
"So you will be my emergency contact?" Gordon asks, interrupting the silence.
"Why me though and not father?" Virgil asks.
"Are you kidding me? He can't know about this Virg. Please don't tell him" all initial cockiness has gone, now there is sheer terror behind the words.
"Just chill Gords, it's fine" Virgil reassures him, he was never going to let their father know.
"I know that if I leave, I can never go back, but I want you to know that I love you Virg. Jefferson is never going to forgive me for this, and to be honest I don't need his validation to be happy. But please do me a favour, get out while you still can. Graduate from college if you have to then just cut him off, because you will never be happier to do so." Gordon tells him.
"Surely he isn't all bad?" Virgil asks.
"The scars we all have should tell you exactly the kind of man you are dealing with. I nearly died because of him, and I am done. Sure I will miss Allie, but I can't do it anymore" Gordons eyes are filling with tears, but he has to keep going.
"I will call you in a few days" Virgil tells him.
"Don't, if Jefferson finds out you will lose everything you have worked for. Virg seriously I can't contact you and you can't contact me, just until this is over. I can't ruin everything you have worked for to, I am not Jefferson" Gordon tells him sadly.
"Then why would you ask for me to be your emergency contact?" Virgil asks getting angry at the situation Gordon has just put him in.
"Simple, how would you feel if in 10 years' time you decided to finally look for me to find out I died 8 years ago?" Gordon asks.
"Oh don't start with the guilt trip! Just promise me that nothing bad is going to happen to you" Virgil requests.
"I promise Virg" Gordon tells him seriously. "Look after Allie for me, he wants to be a race car driver, I have been sneaking him out to the tracks for the last 18 months, again don't let Jefferson find out!"
"What else doesn't he know?" Virgil asks, not sure he even wants to know!
"You could write several books on what Jefferson doesn't know about his kids Virg" Gordon replies, there is genuine sadness in his voice now, the sarcasm from earlier has dried up.
"Goodbye Gordy"
"Goodbye Virgy, love you" Gordon replies before ending the call.
"I love you too" Virgil tells the silent phone
*TB*
Virgil gets back to work. Knowing that he has lost his brother forever.