I binged this series the other week and I've been trying to resist writing for it because I probably have better things I could be doing with my life. Then I remembered the potential for pure ridiculousness this show has and gave in.

Disclaimer: Not exactly sure who owns Danny Phantom, but it isn't me.

Vlad Masters was a mild man. He was refined and sophisticated and he did not need a fucking cat, shut up Daniel!

That was why he was currently hiding under his ridiculously expensive table with his cat in his arms.

For future reference, it was all Daniel's fault. Now that he thought about it, most things were Daniel's fault. If the town hall was destroyed, it was Daniel. If Vlad's wall was suddenly turned intangible and all the press and media saw his private collection of packers merchandise, it was Daniel. If Vlad's toaster attacked him when he tried to make his breakfast, it was Daniel. Actually, that one had been that idiot Jack Fenton because somehow, he had come over and managed to get everything infected with ectoplasm.

Anyway, the point was, Vlad did not like Daniel Fenton and he also did not know how to deal with Daniel's latest escapade.

All around him, ghosts danced.

That's right, they were having a fucking party in the middle of his mansion. They were everywhere. Klemper was trying to make friends with his lab equipment, Skulker was flying about the bathrooms and Ember had somehow acquired a stage – Vlad didn't even own a stage – and was giving an impromptu concert to a horrifyingly large group of teens who had also turned up in his home.

And there, at the centre of it all, was Daniel.

His smirking face appeared upside down under the table Vlad was hiding under and he grinned. "Hey, Plasmius. Sorry for dropping in unannounced like this."

'Daniel Fenton, I will end you!" Vlad responded, looking as intimidating as he could while cowering under a table with his cat sleeping in his arms.

"Sure." The boy replied, still smirking infuriatingly. "Whatever you say, Vladdie."

"Don't call me that!"

Daniel shrugged and his head disappeared for a minute. Then it abruptly came back into existence and his eyes widened.

"Is that a cat? Oh my god it is. You actually have a cat! This is beautiful. Hey Sam, Tuck!"

Vlad glared at him. "Maddie belongs to my sister. I'm keeping hold of her while she's away."

"Sure, sure. Wait, Maddie? Oh my god, you fucking creepy fruitloop. Wait a sec."

The head bobbed away, and Vlad hesitantly stuck his own out from under the table.

He saw, with no small amount of trepidation, that Daniel had procured the stage from Ember and was gripping the microphone.

Fuck.

"Hey, everyone!" he said. "Vlad Masters has a cat!"

Cheers followed and Vlad turned bright red.

"What's it called, Snuggles?" some kid shouted.

"Worse." Daniel grinned. "Maddie."

More cheers erupted, while Daniel's friends burst out in embarrassed laughter.

Vlad had never wanted to disappear more than now. Unfortunately, Daniel had found the Plasmius Maximus, and his powers were shorted out until the morning.

The evening passed with many more embarrassments and humiliations; Daniel was at the centre of all of them.

When it reached one in the morning, people started to clear out and head back into town and the ghosts made their way through his portal – which no one was supposed to know about!

Daniel, Samantha and Tucker stayed for a little longer, supervising the cleaning up. This meant the two full humans lounged about on Vlad's luxurious sofa while Daniel floated above Vlad and pointed out areas he had missed. This took about three hours in total.

By the time it was five o clock, Vlad was ready to drop. His powers had kicked back in an hour ago, but Daniel wouldn't let him use them, so he had done the entire job without their help. The other halfa and his friends had left some time ago, apparently bored of watching him clean.

Vlad couldn't even be bothered to be offended.

He settled down at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal when he was finally done, trying to get the banging of loud teenage music out of his head and trying to ignore the smell of his liquor cabinet.

"Oh my god."

Vlad froze, hoping and praying that he didn't hear what he thought he heard.

"Cannibalism!" Danny's voice shouted.

Vlad sighed. "Daniel, I thought you had left."

"You – you're actually eating fruitloops. You're a fucking cannibal!" Daniel cried, making himself visible through the wall.

Vlad regretted ever buying the offending cereal. It was all they had left at the store for god's sake. He didn't even like them that much!

"Go away, Daniel."

"I have to tell everyone." The kid breathed.

Then, ignoring Vlad's polite request, he flew out of the wall, through the kitchen and into the hallway. Vlad, jumping up and following him, was quite pleased to see that he got lost on his way to wherever he was going. He was less pleased when Daniel finally made it to his lab and jumped through his portal.

He was never going to be able to go into the ghost zone again.

The next day, he was passing over Amity Park in his ghost form when Daniel and Skulker stopped their fight to gawk and giggle at him. Ember, who was trying to persuade the teenage population to say her name, did the same later. Even the fucking Box Ghost cracked up laughing in between his bewares.

Vlad, utterly dejected and humiliated, went back to his mansion, vowing revenge on Daniel Fenton.

He collapsed on his sofa which still bore the marks of Sam and Tucker, who had previously messed up all the carefully arranged cushions, and groaned.

Then he heard a noise and, being the mature and refined man that he was, jumped up and reached for the rolling pin out on the side.

He brandished it dangerously, Maddie mewing at his feet. He was prepared for whatever monstrosity might be hiding.

Another noise came from the other side of the room and he spun round, noting that his ghost sense was going off. The rolling pin pointed threateningly at whatever it was.

Vlad braced himself for the horror that was to come.

"Will you be my friend?"

The rolling pin struck thin air as Klemper quickly turned intangible and frowned. "That was rude. Phantom said you would be my friend."

Vlad, who was slightly mortified at this point, only growled. "Well you can tell Daniel to stop sticking his arse where it doesn't belong."

"Does that mean you'll be my friend?" the ghost asked.

"Get your ectoplasmic butt out of my house."

"But we can be friends, right?"

"Get out."

"But Phantom said…"

"You know what, Klemper, I bet Phantom would love to be your friend." Vlad said, trying to keep his voice even. "Why don't you go and see Phantom and leave me alone."

"Phantom is already my friend." The ghost answered. "He's nice. He said you and me would be best friends. Even Skulker thinks we should be best friends."

"I'm going to be having a talk with Daniel." Vlad growled. "Get out, Klemper before I beat you up and stick you inside a Fenton thermos.

Klemper, who had clearly seen the inside of a thermos before and had no desire to see it again, disappeared with a wail of "Why won't you be my friend?"

Vlad sat rigidly down on his sofa, breathed in and out and got up again, heading for the door.

He was going to pay Daniel a visit.

He flew over to Fenton works, plotting various evil plans in his head, but not able to decide which of them to use. That was the problem with being an evil genius.

In the end, he just came in, thankful that the door was opened by Jack and not Maddie and found himself sat on a chair with a cup of tea and some fudge. Daniel sat opposite him smirking.

"So Vladdie, what brings you here?" jack asked, reaching for more fudge and smiling.

Vlad scowled before schooling his features into a pleasant grimace.

"Oh, I just heard you had invented something new." He gushed, silently applauding his acting performance. "What was it, the Fenton…"

Jack sat up straight. "Ah, you must mean the new Fenton anti ecto blaster 2.0! Its ten times more powerful than the previous one, and its perfect for hunting down that Wisconsin Ghost!"

"And, of course, Danny Phantom." Vlad pressed.

"Oh no, me and Maddie have come to a truce with Phantom."

"Maddie and I, dad." Jazz reminded him.

"You have?" Vlad asked, shocked and ignoring the wide grin Daniel was giving him.

"Oh yes. He's really been very useful in our research once he began to answer our questions. Isn't that right, Danny boy?"

"Sure is, dad." Danny said. "Danny Phantom is so brave and devastatingly handsome."

"Yep." Jack agreed. "We all love Danny Phantom in this house."

Shell shocked, Vlad just stared incredulously at Daniel, mouthing 'how the hell do you do it?'

Somehow, from the combination of fudge and the possible sleeping pill Danny had put in his tea, Vlad fell asleep on the Fenton's sofa.

This proved to be a huge mistake.

It wasn't until later, and after an important speech to the town, that he caught himself in his bathroom mirror and saw the sharpie moustache.

I only regret writing this a tiny bit.