A month had passed, and not much had changed for Anna. She still slept at the Abbey, and John had seemed to resolve to waiting for her whenever she would want to come back, as each and every attempt of his to make her talk had ended in failure. Mrs Hughes's efforts had not been more successful, and Anna had still not informed her of her pregnancy. Baxter was still the only person knowing about that.
Mrs Owens's potion had not worked. After two weeks of taking it twice daily, Anna had even tried taking it three times a day, and despite giving her even worse stomach pains, nothing more had happened. The bottle was now empty.
Anna and John both looked miserable, and barely talked to each other. Everyone downstairs had noticed, but no one dared comment. It was the elephant in the middle of the servants' Hall. Anna had not yet gone back to see Mrs Owens. She was feeling more numb every day, like she was in some kind of denial. Although she knew the pregnancy was going on, she couldn't find the strength to act further. Mrs Owens's words from last time, "more radical means", filled her with dread. She still thought frequently about taking her own life. Whenever her mind strayed from any task she was performing, or at night during her long sleepless hours, she found herself pondering how she could manage it.
One morning, Mr Carson entered the servants' Hall and boomed:
- Breaking news! His Lordship is going to America!
Bates jerked his head up:
- What?
- A telegram just arrived. Something has happened to her Ladyship's brother. He's leaving today.
Bates's eyes searched for Anna's, who was sitting across the table doing some sewing. She was keeping focused on her work, as if she had not heard anything. Her mind was racing. She suspected that John would try to get out of this trip and stay here for her. But she wanted him to go away. His constant worried watching and attempted solicitude felt suffocating and she sometimes thought she was going to choke. She thought him being away for a while would do her good, and give her time to deal with her issues a bit more freely. Having finished mending Lady Mary's blouse, she got up to put it back into her wardrobe.
Later in the day, she was scrubbing some shoes in the boot room. She had been thinking about the trip all day. She felt she had to play it clever so that John would accept to go. Bates entered and said:
- There you are. I need to talk to you about this trip. I won't go, if you need me to stay.
- I see. So you'll leave His Lordship in the lurch, and probably lose your job, and all this to help me.
She inhaled, and offered him her best fake smile. He was taken aback, not having seen her smile for weeks.
- Look John. I think being apart for a little while would do us good, as a matter of fact. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the time being. There are things I need to sort out for myself, but they are my own issues, you can't help me there. That way, when you're back, we can make a fresh start.
Bates looked unconvinced:
- Are you sure?
She nodded, and forced herself to take his hand:
- Yes John. I'm sure. It's a great opportunity for you! Going to New York!
- I really don't care about New York. I care about you.
- I know. And I'll be fine. I promise.
- Alright… he said reluctantly. Do you allow me to write to you while I'm away?
- Of course. Now go home and pack.
She let go of his hand and got out of the boot room.
Three hours later, the whole staff was gathered around the front door for Lord Grantham's departure. As he was saying his goodbyes to his mother, his wife and his daughter, Bates, having secured the luggage, went back to Anna.
- Are you sure you'll be alright darling?
- Of course. Anyway it's too late now, she said with a small smile. Enjoy your trip.
She extended her hand, and he tenderly squeezed it.
- Goodbye Anna. I love you.
x x x x
In the following days, Anna missed her husband, but found that she breathed a little more freely knowing she didn't risk bumping into him and sustaining his worried looks anywhere at anytime. Unfortunately it did nothing to bring her appetite back or tame the nightmares that were still plaguing her every night.
The staff was sitting around the large table in the servants' Hall, when a voice interrupted the ongoing chatter:
- I think this is the right place.
Mrs Hughes looked up and her face froze.
- Well, if it isn't Mr Gillingham, said happily Mr Molesley. Welcome back. Pull up a chair and sit down.
- I suppose you've come back to shake us up again? asked Mrs Patmore.
- Will there be any Racing Demon this time Mr Gillingham? added Jimmy.
- Depends if you're up to it, answered Green. But I expect you've all got things to do.
That was when Anna entered the servants' Hall, calling after Baxter:
- Miss Baxter, I wondered if you could…
Green turned around and she froze in mid-sentence. She felt like she had received a punch in her stomach. What the hell was he doing here? Across the table, Mrs Hughes was eyeing Anna with worry. And Mr Bates was away across the ocean…
- If I could what? asked Baxter.
Anna came back to her senses and finished her sentence:
- If you could let me have some white thread. I seem to have run out.
- Of course, answered Baxter.
Anna took Baxter's hand and turned around, pulling her away from the servants' Hall. There, chatter went on, as Molesley asked:
- Well, go on, Gillingham. What have you been up to since we saw you last?
Mrs Hughes got up from the table, a disapproving look on her face.
Anna entered the boot room, Baxter tailing her. When she had closed the door, Anna covered her mouth with her hands, repeating:
- Oh my God, oh my God…
Panic was filling her quickly.
- What's wrong Anna?! asked Baxter.
Anna brought one hand to her belly and pushed her other fist against her mouth. Watching her friend's panicked state, understanding struck Baxter.
- Oh Lord, is it him?
Anna nodded frantically, as tears started spilling out.
- Does anyone else know? asked Baxter.
- Only Mrs Hughes.
- Alright, well I guess she'll keep an eye on him during his stay. And I'll try to stay close to you as much as possible, she said, taking Anna's hand into hers.
x x x x
Anna managed to avoid Green for the best part of the day. However, the next day, she was walking down the hallway just out of Lady Mary's room, when he suddenly appeared in front of her from nowhere. She froze, and whispered, trembling:
- What do you want?! You have nothing to do in this part of the house!
He lightly stroked her cheek, a predator grin on his face:
- So, your husband's away, so I'm told… Maybe we could have some more fun, you and I!
- Leave me alone, she breathed. I'll scream.
- Oh, yeah, like you did last time? I seem to remember it didn't work so well…
His hand rested on her breast, and she felt a strong nausea rise into her. She wanted to push him away, to call for help, but she found herself frozen to her core. His hand traveled downwards, until it touched her slightly swelled belly. The bump was still very small, but it was noticeable to an attentive eye, since she had lost so much weight lately.
- Oh, Mrs Bates, he said, his grin widening, did I leave you a present last time? Well well. You should thank me, really. I gave you what your husband never could. I told you it would be nice to have a real man for once.
His breath was on her neck, and she thought she was going to faint. Suddenly a voice called behind her:
- Hey, what are you doing, leave her alone!
Green looked up and saw Baxter, looking mad. He whispered into Anna's ear:
- See you later love, before swiftly walking away.
Anna stood there, motionless, her whole body harshly shaking. Baxter came near her and put her hand on her arm.
- Anna?
But she didn't respond, and only walked a step backwards until her back was against the wall, and let herself slide onto the floor, hiding her head into her hands. She started rocking herself back and forth very slightly. Baxter crouched next to her, and tried calling to her softly:
- Anna? Anna? Come on, we cannot stay here in the hallway. Please get up…
But Anna did not seem to hear her. She was closed in her own mind. Baxter hesitated as to what to do. She wanted to rush downstairs and fetch Mrs Hughes, but didn't want to leave Anna alone, in case Green came back or anyone else found her in that state. She startled when Lady Mary came out of her room and saw them both.
- Baxter? Anna? What in heaven's name are you doing here on the floor?!
Baxter quickly got up to face Lady Mary:
- I'm so sorry m'lady, I'm afraid Anna's not feeling well at all.
- Yes, I can see that! What's the matter, asked the Lady, bending towards her maid. Anna? Anna, what's wrong?
But Anna still did not respond, and kept rocking herself.
- M'lady, started Baxter, do you mind if I go find Mrs Hughes? Maybe she can help?
- Yes, but we have to move her from here before. Help me bring her into my room, said Lady Mary.
They both hooked a hand under each of Anna's arms, and pulled her up. She let herself stand, and followed them without resistance to Lady Mary's room. Lady Mary sat her into her armchair and said:
- Alright Baxter now go fetch Mrs Hughes. And hurry.
- I will m'lady.
And Baxter quickly went away.
Lady Mary pulled the chair from her vanity table near the armchair and sat near Anna.
- Anna? Do you hear me?
Anna only blinked as tears were running down her cheeks. Lady Mary sighed and said:
- Well, I think we'd better wait for Mrs Hughes.
The Housekeeper arrive a few minutes later with Baxter, who had filled her in about Green's last attempt to harass Anna. When they had closed the door behind them, Lady Mary asked sternly:
- So, Mrs Hughes, I just found Anna sitting on the floor in the hallway, in a kind of catatonic state. She's been acting odd for more than two months now. So if you know what this is about, I demand that you explain to me.
Mrs Hughes bit her lower lip, and frowned in worry while she looked at Anna's absent eyes.
- Oh m'lady… I'm so sorry. Anna asked me to keep it quiet, and I thought that it was not my secret to tell, but I think now it is wise that you know. Anna, she said while taking her hand, I think it's best we tell Lady Mary.
Anna again only blinked her eyes, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. Mrs Hughes went on:
- First, m'lady, I have to ask you something. Could you ask Lord Gillingham not to bring his valet here again?
Lady Mary frowned:
- What does this have to do with Lord Gillingham?
- Not Lord Gillingham himself m'lady, replied Mrs Hughes. It's his valet, the man he's traveling with.
Dread started to fill Lady Mary.
- What are you saying? Is it because of his valet that Anna is in this state?!
Mrs Hughes nodded:
- I'm afraid so m'lady. He … assaulted her on the night of the house party. And now from what Miss Baxter just told me, he was harassing her again, right here in the hallway.
Lady Mary seemed to doubt that she had understood it right:
- He assaulted her, do you mean he…
- Yes m'lady, I'm sorry to say that he did, reluctantly answered Mrs Hughes, as Anna closed her eyes and turned her face away from the three women.
- Oh my God… said Lady Mary in a shocked voice, as she let herself fall back on her chair, a hand hiding her mouth. After a short silence, she asked again:
- Does Bates know?
Anna looked down to her knees as Mrs Hughes replied:
- He doesn't m'lady. Anna never wanted to tell him. She was afraid he would overreact and go after the man.
- Well I couldn't really blame him if he did… So that's why you moved back into the House… Oh, Anna, continued Lady Mary, squeezing Anna's hand, I wish you'd told me sooner, I want to help. God knows you've helped me in the past…
Anna seemed to slowly unfreeze from her state of shock. She whispered:
- I'm sorry m'lady. I can't talk about it…
Baxter crouched in front of Anna, and said very close to her ear:
- Isn't there something else you'd need to tell Lady Mary and Mrs Hughes?
Anna shot her a pleading look and quickly shook her head.
Lady Mary had not heard Baxter's question, and went on:
- I'll go find Lord Gillingham right away and ask that he dismisses his valet.
Anna looked up to her, worried:
- Oh please, m'lady, don't tell him…
- I won't tell him the whole thing, only that he harasses my staff and that I don't want him back in Downton.
Anna exhaled slowly.
- And I don't need you until tonight, so you go to your room and rest, and Baxter, you'll stay with her for a little while, keep her company.
- Yes m'lady, said Baxter, taking Anna's hand, and pulling her up.
Anna slowly got up, and before walking to the door, turned around to Lady Mary, and whispered:
- Thank you m'lady.
Lady Mary gave her a small smile in return. The smile was soon replaced by a worried frown when Anna had turned away from her.