And we are still going down... I warn the reader that this chapter is quite difficult. It gave myself belly aches while I wrote it...
Baxter took Anna up to the servants' quarters and into her bedroom. When she had closed the door, Anna crumbled onto her bed and sobbed. Baxter sat on a chair near the bed and gently patted Anna's back.
- Anna… I think it's a good thing Lady Mary knows. At least now you won't be seeing him again. But… don't you think you should have told them the whole truth?
Anna shook her head vehemently. She sat herself up on the bed and looked at Baxter with fierce determination:
-No! I want to go back to see Mrs Owens and they wouldn't let me! They would talk me into having this child, into telling John! I don't want to. I have to get rid of it! The man… he knows. He guessed…
She closed her eyes and brought her fist to her mouth at the nauseating memory of their encounter in the hallway.
- I can't. I can't have this child. I can't bear to have it grow inside me anymore. I feel like I've been… invaded by some alien creature. It's eating me from the inside!
Baxter sighed. She was getting uncomfortable with Anna's intentions. Taking the potion was one thing, but what she intended to do now was much more dangerous. She started regretting a bit having taken her to Mrs Owens in the first place. But then she remembered how Anna had been on the verge of taking her own life that day and concluded that going to see Mrs Owens was a lesser evil than Anna killing herself. She took Anna's hand and said reluctantly:
- Alright, we'll go on our next half-day if you want.
Anna lifted her tear-stained face to look at Baxter:
- Oh, you would come with me?
Apparently Anna had been planning on facing this on her own.
- Of course I will. I won't let you alone into this. It was my idea in the first place…
Anna gave her a small smile:
- Thank you Phyllis. You're a good friend.
Baxter nodded slightly:
- Although I'm not convinced you're making the right choice, I ask you to please consider speaking to Mrs Hughes or Lady Mary. But if you're sure you want to do this, I'll be with you.
Anna pursed her lips and frowned:
- I'm sure. I cannot go on like this. I am losing my mind a little more each day.
Baxter sighed once more. It seemed that nothing she could say would change Anna's mind.
- Alright. I have to go back to work. Try and get a little sleep.
x x x x
Later in the day, Anna was trying to read a book in her little room, when Mrs Hughes came to knock at her door. She came to sit on the chair that Baxter had occupied a few hours earlier.
- So, Anna, I came to check on you, and tell you that the man has been sent away to the Grantham Arms for tonight, and Lord Gillingham will dismiss him when they get back to London. So you'll never have to see him again.
- Thank you Mrs Hughes, said Anna in a small voice.
- Are you feeling a little better dear? Do you feel up to going down for tea? You should really try and eat a little bit more, you've lost so much weight…
- I'll try, answered Anna, looking down.
- And what about your husband? Do you intend on keeping him at bay indefinitely? Don't you think he's bound to get tired of the situation? This cannot go on forever… He loves you Anna. He'll understand. Now that… that man will be away, maybe you could tell him.
Anna sighed. Mrs Hughes was right. She had no right to punish John for all eternity, when he had done nothing wrong. And if the man was no longer Lord Gillingham's employee, it would be harder for John to go after him. She didn't know however how she would manage to go back to her previous life, share a bed with John, let him touch her body… She decided that now was not the time to worry about all this. She had more urgent matter to settle before. She answered what she needed to in order to satisfy Mrs Hughes:
- I'll try and move back into the cottage when John comes back from New York.
- Alright dear. So, shall we go down for tea?
- Yes, let's go.
That evening when Anna came to dress Lady Mary for dinner, her employer inquired about her well-being:
- Are you alright tonight Anna? Did Mrs Hughes tell you about the valet?
- Yes, she did m'lady. Thank you so much. I do feel a little better knowing he won't be coming back.
- Alright. I hope it helps you move on. If there's anything else I can do to help, please, don't hesitate. Have you seen Dr Clarkson about that?
- No m'lady… I really don't need to. I… I'm sorry… I can't really talk about it.
- Even to me?
- Even to you m'lady, sorry. Will that be all?
- Yes Anna. Thank you.
- Very good m'lady, said Anna as she went away.
x x x x
It was a bright and warm summer day on Anna and Baxter's next half-day, and they once again rode the bus to Ripon. The mood between them was heavy, and there was not much more chatter than the first time, but for different reasons. Anna was dreading was she was about to do. Looking outside the bus at the sunny Yorkshire landscape, she thought bitterly of how life could have been happy and enjoyable on such a beautiful day, if that man had not ruined everything in the space of a few minutes. She had spent the previous night praying for God to forgive her for the sin she was about to commit. Before leaving for Ripon, she had returned to the cottage and taken ten pounds from their saving box. She didn't know how much Mrs Owens would ask for the procedure, and hoped it would be enough.
They finally stood in front of Mrs Owens's shop. Anna took Baxter's hand in order to give herself courage. She inhaled sharply and said:
- Alright, let's go.
When they entered, the man who had greeted them the first time was not there, and they found Mrs Owens behind the counter. She eyed them both and seemed to recognize them:
- Hello, ladies. Oh, I do know you, do I? You, the blond girl… "Ethel", was it? You came a while ago.
- Yes, I did, answered Anna. I paid you two pounds for a potion, and it didn't work.
- Hey, you did know it was a possibility. So now you want me to finish the work I guess? You should have come sooner! I told you to come back a month later, it's been more than a month hasn't it? Anyway, your problem, but the more you wait, the more painful it gets.
Anna was quite downcast as she heard that. She cursed herself for not acting earlier. The woman had gone to the shop door and was about to turn the "closed" sign, when her husband came back.
- Oh, Peter, you're back. Take the counter, will you. I have business to attend to.
Anna felt her cheeks redden in shame as the man looked her up and down.
- Be quiet, he ordered Anna.
Anna and Baxter followed Mrs Owens into the back room. When she had closed the door on the three of them, she told Anna:
- That'll be six pounds, lass. Do you have them?
Anna nodded:
- Yes, I do.
As she didn't move further, Mrs Owens said in an annoyed voice:
- Well, then! Give them to me!
- Oh, yes, sorry, said Anna, searching through her purse and giving the money to the woman. Mrs Owens recounted the coins, and put them away, looking satisfied.
- Alright, now, get you underwear off, and lie down on the table.
Anna obeyed, her hands trembling. Her stomach clenched in fear when she saw the woman preparing a set of various-sized knitting needles. Tears came to her eyes as she slowly laid back on the table. Baxter came to stand near her head, and took her hand.
The woman approached a small wheeled-table and said:
- So, let's get down to business.
Anna tensed when Mrs Owens took her knees and spread them apart.
- Oh come on girl! You had no problem spreading your legs to get yourself into this situation! Don't play shy with me.
Anna did not respond, remembering how the woman had not believed her the first time when she had said she had been unwilling. She nervously wiped her eyes. Thoughts of John invaded her mind, and shame and despair filled her whole. She cried out in pain when the woman started working. A few seconds later, she startled when Mr Owens banged on the door, and yelled:
- Quiet I said!
- Hey, don't move! barked Mrs Owens.
Baxter bent upon her and gave Anna her pair of leather gloves.
- Here, take these, bite on them.
Anna had to endure a few minutes of intense pain before Mrs Owens seemed satisfied. She was sweating all over and felt she was about to pass out from the pain, when the woman finally said:
- Alright, that should do the trick. Breathe, girl, I'm done.
Anna breathed deeply in and out several times, waiting for the pain to recede a little bit, then slowly sat up. She was pale as a ghost when Baxter handed her back her underwear. Mrs Owens warned her:
- So, there will be heavy bleeding and pains, and you know… stuff getting out, for about twenty-four hours, afterwards it should quiet down. Alright lass, I'll leave you a little while to gather yourself, then you can go.
And she left the room, slamming the door behind her.
Baxter rubbed gently Anna's back, whispering:
- What an awful woman…
Anna sniffed and replied, in a shaky voice:
- Oh Lord, I never thought in all my life that I would fall so low… Please, promise me to never tell a soul about this. Especially not my husband! He can't know that I did such a thing. I feel so dirty, so ruined… she said, starting to sob into her hands.
Baxter handed her a handkerchief, and replied:
- I won't. Now do you feel up to walking? I would feel better if we left this place…
- Yes, let's go, said Anna, getting up with difficulties, holding on strongly to her friend's hand.
She then handed Baxter her gloves back, that she had still been holding tight.
- I'm sorry I ruined your gloves. I'll buy you a new pair.
- There's no need, said Baxter with a gentle smile.
x x x x
Anna spent the following night in the bathroom, and was not able to get a minute of sleep. Baxter had to check on her several times until the morning, and she was lying exhausted and pale when the alarm clock went off at 6 o'clock. She was out of strength, but at least, she thought to herself, she was finally free. Baxter decided that Anna could not work in that state, and went to inform Mrs Hughes. Several of the staff had had an upset stomach in the previous days, which proved very convenient because she was able to blame Anna's illness on the same cause. Mrs Hughes accepted Baxter's explanation without further question, and allowed her to take care of Lady Mary as well as Her Ladyship. On the next day Anna felt a little better, despite the continuing pains and bleeding. But she felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off her chest. There was no more alien growing inside her.