Saturday, June 30th, 2007: Roseville, California
A beautiful sunrise colored the skies of an early morning in Northern California. People were already making their way down the streets, mailmen were proceeding towards the next house over and birds made their songs known to the world. The entire city seemed to have taken a collective breath, ready to start this next day.
Jamie Clayton slowly opened her eyes as she stirred awake. A few strands of her graying hair twirled down, softly tickling the base of her neck as she sat upright. Her back protested and ached, but she seemed to pay it no mind. Seemingly, she was very used to this feeling. The chair she has been sleeping in shifted back somewhat as she got up and stretched out her arms above her head, blinking tiredly. Small streaks of sunlight shone through the slightly opened sheer curtains, basking her hotel room in a soft golden glow and warming up small patches of the carpet. The older woman stepped forward, her bare feet feeling the soft canvas underneath and she slowly closed the open hotel room door in front of her with a soft click. She wouldn't be coming to visit her during the day, Jamie knew. Only at night. And this had been another night she hadn't.
Realizing this, the woman let out a sigh that seemed to come from deep inside her chest. Why had she never come home? She should have been here, at this wedding. Jamie remembered the previous night's rehearsal dinner with a soft, melancholic smile, thinking about how beautiful the little Flora looked in her dress. "Well, not so little, anymore, I guess." She added in her head.
Today was sure to be a beautiful occasion as well and she was glad that she had decided to attend, even though she had definitely had her doubts the days leading up to it. She embarrassedly remembered how she had told a story the previous night after dinner.
Well, not just a story. Her story. Though she wasn't planning on it, it had felt pretty good to get it off her chest, admittedly. She hadn't talked about any of this in a long while. And while the children didn't remember, she felt she had done her job making sure that it wasn't forgotten. That she wasn't forgotten.
She softly smiled, her eyes twinkling a bit at the thought of her person. Her Dani. "You know what, Poppins, I really, really tried. It's not fair to you. They should remember. What you did for them." Her voice was still a little thick with sleep as she spoke, the silence filling up the room. Apparently, she was not expecting a reply, because she quickly moved towards the bathroom to wash up and eventually got dressed.
The breakfast served was divine and Jamie enjoyed every last bit of it. She was drinking her coffee absentmindedly, having just come back from grabbing another piece of french toast. 'Flora', who was now called Olivia, and her fiancé Jack had now joined the breakfast table as well. Both of them lit up the entire room with their happiness and excitement for the day to come and the older woman couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. A wedding day. The happiest day in one's life. And yet...she had never been allowed that much. Life was truly cruel, wasn't it?
She thought it over somberly as she took small bites of her toast, not really hungry anymore now but not wanting to be impolite and spoil good food. She barely noticed when Owen sat down next to her, looking at her with interest and concern as she squeezed her knee to gather her attention.
"Well, you sure look like someone took a shite in your coffee." He laughed softly at his own joke but his smile soon faltered when he realized the other woman didn't seem to find it very funny.
He slowly followed her gaze, which was absentmindedly passing over Flora and her betrothed. Letting out an understanding sigh, he leaned closer to her.
"Listen, I know it's hard, dear. But...you know...everything here…" He made a big mentioning gesture as if addressing the whole room. "This whole day is only possible because of her. Because of what she sacrificed." His voice had always had this calming nature and Jamie realized that even after all these years, it still affected her positively. "Your story was lovely, by the way. Last night."
She eyed him as he smiled softly at her and laugh-lines appeared around his eyes. They really were getting older, Jamie recognized. She let out a long sigh before replying.
"I know that, but...it's just not fair. She should have had a day like this. We should have. She didn't even get the chance to fucking live. She wasn't meant to just be an old ghost story at a wedding." Her tone was bitter and her accent became especially thick. She could sense the wedding guest on the opposite side of the table eye them with interest and she shook her head slightly, a fake smile she was very familiar with appearing on her face.
"Whatever. I'm still glad I came. She looks fuckin' beautiful." Jamie nodded her head towards Flora. "Who knew that creepy kid would grow into such a marvelous, beautiful woman."
Owen nodded at her approvingly, apparently convinced that she was okay for now, or at least pretending well enough to be.
"I know! Even Miles has grown into a respectfully handsome young man. Or William, should I say?" He chuckled, getting a little more comfortable in his chair.
Jamie shrugged, her hand up in the air with a questioning gesture. "Yeah, about that, why the hell did that bastard Henry decide to change their names? Wasn't moving to another continent enough?" She rolled her eyes slightly and chuckled.
"I mean, he just wanted a fresh start for them, I guess. Can't blame 'em." Owen's eyes slightly glazed over and Jamie knew where his mind had gone. They were silent for a bit, both thinking.
"She would have loved this, you know." Jamie whispered eventually, trying to be supportive. "Hannah."
She could see Owen was struggling, thinking about the old house-keeper. She put her hand on his supportively. "Yeah. She loved those kids to the moon and back. I'm sure she's here...in a way. Watching over us, with that sweet smile she had. She wouldn't have missed this for the world, are you kidding?" She added and patted his hand.
Owen nodded slowly and then cleared his throat somewhat awkwardly as another wedding guest came to sit down next to him, interrupting their moment. "Anyway, let's just get through this, yeah? I'm sure the drinks are divine. And there should be music."
Jamie nodded, now flashing Owen a genuine smile. "I'll see you around."
The morning had gone by rather slowly, with more wedding guests arriving in small clusters. Jamie watched them with interest, finding it quite remarkable how many people Flora had managed to meet throughout her life. The young girl greeted all of them with a big smile and seemed to spend a little energy and time on making sure everyone got to their designated place okay. For Jamie, that was unimaginable. She kept to herself. For most of her days, her only companion was her cat, Blondie. And her plants. Those were easier than people, anyway. It took her an enormous amount of energy to even be here, let alone talk to any of the other guests. They luckily left her alone for the most part, so it wasn't that bad. She figured they were all quite interested to see that she had come by herself, being one of the only few older people without a partner.
She had tried dating, of course. But after Dani, nothing, no one, was the same. It always felt like something was missing, some part of her. Jamie felt like an alien most of the time, a person from the outside looking in. And she was okay with that, she thought. "You don't need a relationship to live a full life." She had told herself over and over again, eventually starting to believe it. The irreversible truth was, she had met her person, her soulmate, already. And then lost her. Forever.
"No matter." She muttered to herself as she turned around and went to get another glass of champagne.
When it was time for the ceremony, all the guests were ushered over to the designated room. Chairs were lined up perfectly in rows, almost too perfect, Jamie noted a little annoyedly as she went to sit down in one, Owen to her left. She crossed her legs and sunk down ever so slightly in her chair to get comfortable. This was going to be a long ride, but it would be worth it, hopefully. She looked around the room almost lazily, taking in the sight before her.
Flowers, fairy-lights and other decorations were lining the walls and Jamie nodded approvingly when she had distinguished that the white roses were actually real, not those plastic fake ones. The woman guessed that there had been no cutbacks for this wedding and she couldn't even imagine how much it must have cost. However, such a day generally happened only once in someone's life. Or twice.
She chuckled to herself soundlessly. She would have done it so much differently. Small, private. And a lot more flowers. Maybe somewhere outside, if the weather allowed it. But she guessed that she probably wasn't a very good wedding planner, so she shrugged and promised herself she would just enjoy the view and not complain so much.
After waiting a bit, music had swelled up in the room. There was a band in the corner of the room and the director swung around his directing stick somewhat aggressively.
Violins went into a crescendo as the doors in the back of the room opened. Heads swiveled around to look at the people who had appeared in the door opening. Firstly, some beautifully dressed bridesmaids, each holding a bouquet of flowers, slowly walked down the aisle. Jaime figured these were Flora's friends. They lined up at the altar, standing in front of the first line of chairs. Then, Jack appeared, a single white rose tucked into the front pocket of his suit. She particularly noticed how shiny his shoes were and smiled as the young man made his way down the path nervously towards the altar, turning around with his hands folded in front of him to face his beautiful bride.
The bride in question had just appeared, her arm loosely linked with Henry's, whose chest puffed up proudly as he walked his daughter down the aisle.
Flora looked absolutely gorgeous. Her dress hugged her body in all the right places and it flowed to the ground into a beautiful, long skirt. The bodice was somewhat sheer and decorated with flowers. A band in her hair held the same white roses that were scattered along the room, only smaller. She really had grown into a beautiful person, Jamie realized. Blossomed like a flower. She felt oddly proud, but weirdly, also a little sad.
When Flora passed by her row of chairs, she briefly glanced at Jamie, who winked at her with a smile. Like the night before, she wondered if Flora did remember what had happened all those years ago. Even though it was impossible, as she had already been told that the kids couldn't recall anything. Maybe, somewhere deep down.
When the bride and groom had joined together at the altar, the officiant opened his arms into a welcoming gesture and began speaking.
"Welcome, family, friends and loved ones. We gather here today to celebrate the wedding of Olivia and Jack. You have come here to share in this formal commitment they make to one another, to offer your love and support to this union, and to allow Olivia and Jack to start their married life together surrounded by the people dearest and most important to them." He let the silence ring on for a while for dramatic effect, the only sound in the room being the soft sounds of people shifting in their seats or coughing.
"So welcome to one and all, who have traveled from near and far. Olivia and Jack thank you for your presence here today and now ask for your blessing, encouragement, and lifelong support, for their decision to be married."
Jamie felt a weird coldness creep into her throat. It was as if she was standing outside again, looking in through a window at this beautiful occasion. But she realized with horror that instead of feeling glad, or supportive, she just felt loathing at the officiant's words. An intense jealousy of the young couple's happiness, the contentedness that filled the room. She tried to shake the thought away, trying really hard, for Flora. But she couldn't.
The officiant continued.
"Marriage is perhaps the greatest and most challenging adventure of human relationships. No ceremony can create your marriage; only you can do that—through love and patience; through dedication and perseverance; through talking and listening, helping and supporting and believing in each other; through tenderness and laughter; through learning to forgive, learning to appreciate your differences, and by learning to make the important things matter, and to let go of the rest. What this ceremony can do is to witness and affirm the choice you make to stand together as life mates and partners. Until death does you part."
It felt like Jamie's ears were ringing. This wasn't right. It shouldn't be Flora who was getting married up there. It should be her. Her and Dani. She should be looking at her wife like she was the most beautiful thing on this planet, not Jack. This was all wrong. Bitter resentment pooled in her stomach and she tried to push it away, but instead it enveloped her. It became her. Suddenly she found it quite hard to breathe normally.
Her vision swam and like a flash, her brain was filled with a haunting image of a blonde woman in a deep red dress, her blue eyes staring into nothingness forever as her golden earrings and her hair softly swayed with the currents of the lake.
Jamie leaned forward with a gasp, grabbing onto the chair in front of her like her life depended on it. She breathed heavily, her knuckles turning white. Owen immediately leaned towards her, his eyes worried. "You good?" He whispered, barely audible.
Jamie shook her head, feeling like she might be sick. How much champagne had she had again? She needed to get out of here.
With a loud scraping that filled the entire room for a second, the woman got up out of her chair. Many people looked up at her angrily, probably wondering what in the world she was doing, interrupting a wedding ceremony like this. Even little Flora eyed at her with a swift look of concern as Jamie stormed down the aisle and through the two doors.
Muttering to herself anxiously, Jamie wandered through the wedding venue like a lost child. She wanted to get away, disappear from this wretched party. Guilt and anger swirled inside her, like a horrible cocktail. Eventually, she turned to a restroom, shutting the door behind her with a loud bang. The fancy looking bathroom luckily was deserted and the woman hurriedly walked over towards the sink, turning on the faucet and letting the cold water envelop her shaking hands for a bit, her eyes closed.
"You pathetic idiot." She whispered, hating herself for what she was feeling. "Can't even let someone else be happy, huh?"
She sniffled softly as she felt tears sting in her eyes. It just wasn't fair. None of it.
After a while, she turned off the faucet and dried her hands. Feeling that she had calmed down a bit, she swiveled around to face herself in the mirror. Her greying hair fell over her shoulder as she turned her head to check if she still looked okay.
Her face was pale and her eyes big and watery and her nose was kind of red. She stared at herself for a minute, resenting what she had done. After staring long enough at herself to be a little creeped out, just as she had turned around to leave, she glimpsed something in the mirror from the side of her eye. Something red.
Circling around again, her breathing hitched at what she saw in front of her.
A blonde woman was staring back at her through the mirror. A woman wearing a red dress and gold earrings. Jamie quickly glanced behind her, but the room was empty.
As she stared, Dani's face seemed too perfect, too beautiful. Like a porcelain doll. Noticing Jamie looking at her, the corners of her mouth slowly turned up into a soft smile as their eyes connected.
The other woman's heart beat loudly in her throat, her eyes absolutely glued to the mirror and to her late wife's face.
"Dani?" She whispered almost inaudibly. The woman in red nodded and brought her hand up to touch the mirror. It went flat as it hit the surface and Jamie could count the small lines and veins on her palm.
"But…how?" She wondered aloud, feeling like she might have finally lost it. As if attracted by a magnet, she shuffled forward, leaning closer into the mirror. The image of the other woman didn't falter, just smiled at her, unchanging.
Slowly, Jamie brought her hand up and laid it flat against the mirror, against Dani's. The cold surface of the glass stung her skin slightly, but it felt kind of nice. Just as she was about to open her mouth to say something else, a few things happened at once.
Firstly, the toilet door swung open with a loud bang and Owen rushed in, looking somewhat out of breath as if he had been searching frantically for her. Secondly, as if scared off by the sound, Dani's image flickered like a ripple in the water. Her hand still pressed firmly against the mirror, Jamie shouted.
"No!"
She felt panic rise inside at the thought of Dani being gone again. Please, not again.
Then, something even stranger happened. A light started to appear around their connected hands, as if someone was drawing their outline with a pen, only the light was brighter than a million suns. Jamie felt the sides of her hand hurt as the outline felt burning hot, but found that she could no longer remove it from the flat surface of the mirror. She stood there as if her hand was glued to it, her eyes unblinking as she stared at the beautiful image of her wife, Owen long forgotten.
"Jamie, what-" his voice started, but Jamie would never hear the rest of it as she felt the entire world around her fold up, turning to black and experiencing a weird tugging sensation around her stomach area. Then, the light was back, brighter than ever until it engulfed her, until there was nothing left but burning, bright light. It almost became too much to bear, but Jamie held on to the thought of her beautiful lady in red as the light enveloped her, seeming to have crawled into her skin. She could barely see anything as she started to feel a falling sensation, a shift in gravity, and she hurriedly pressed her eyes closed.
Feeling as if she was falling for a long time, Jamie wondered if she had died. Maybe this was the afterlife? She still had her eyes closed, but felt a warmth around her she had never felt before. If this was death, it wasn't as bad. Maybe even peaceful. She could get used to this.
Just as sudden as it had come, however, the falling stopped. It felt very disorienting, as Jamie seemed to have landed and she immediately prepared her body for some sort of impact. However, it never came. Instead, she opened her eyes slowly to the bright blue sky above her. She was laying on the ground, yellow and orange leaves scattered on the floor and touching her hands and bare feet. Trees stood all around her, their impressive color schemes taking her breath away for a second. She heaved herself up, her hands slightly slipping on the somewhat damp forest floor. As she stood upright, she was finally able to look around properly and let out a soft gasp as she realized where she was. Having worked these grounds for years, she immediately recognized them without a problem. Bly.
Not really understanding what had happened and how she got here, Jamie looked down at her own hands and frowned. They looked different. Less wrinkled, her skin was fair and undamaged, although a little dirty from the forest floor. She brought them up to feel her straightened grey hair but instead felt curls jutting out to all different sides. Her old curls, she had had when she was younger. Looking down, she noticed she was wearing some rugged dungarees she had owned and then thrown away a long time ago.
She felt something heavy in her pockets and dug into them, her hand bumping into the familiar form of her iPhone. Taking it out, she tried to turn it on, but the battery seemed to have died. This was the strangest sensation she had felt in a long while. And it all seemed way too real to be a dream.
She walked around for a bit, thinking. This was a dream though, right? Maybe she had hit her head, or drank too much. It must be. No other explanation possible. So how would she get out of it?
Realizing she had never been conscious during a dream like this, she had no idea how to wake herself up from inside it. Not really knowing what else to do, she started following her usual path, slowly making the trek towards the familiar manor. The floor was wet and cold on her bare feet but she was used to the hardships of weather and bore it without even thinking about it. The nature that surrounded her gave her a strange sense of melancholy. It was as if she had never taken the time to see how beautiful it had been when she had lived here and tended to Bly's grounds for all these years.
After hiking for a while, she saw the manor doom up from behind the trees and bushes and swallowed heavily. She hadn't been here in such a long while, had tried to not think about this place for years. And now she was suddenly back.
The grounds seemed untouched, as if time had stood still. The dawn had made the grass wet and as Jamie trod forwards, the glass blades bended under her weight. She crossed the lengthy driveway, quickly glancing at the church building as she passed by.
It seemed deserted and the lights weren't on. She thought about Hannah, always bustling about inside it with her candles, with a sad smile. As she made her way up towards the front door of the manor, her feet left behind muddy footprints and she shuddered at the thought of another person who kept dirtying the floors of Bly Manor.
When she finally stood in front of the big front doors of the mansion, she felt kind of silly for approaching it like some scary evil castle. It used to be her home, after all.
She stepped forward and used one of the knockers to knock on the door, the sound ringing through the expensive, weathered wood. After waiting a while, no reaction came and she narrowed her eyes, carefully trying the door. To her surprise, it was unlocked. With a loud creaking, the door opened and Jamie peeked inside. It was dark, the little light that came in through the windows only illuminating small parts of the giant entrance hall. It didn't look anything like how she remembered it. The halls were empty, all the furniture was gone and there was dust everywhere. It seemed that no one had been here in a really, really long time and the mansion had been forgotten with time. Wiping her feet on the carpet, Jamie entered, the door falling closed behind her. "Hello?" Her younger voice echoed through the house, and she was somewhat startled by the sound of it. No reply followed.
Suddenly, she had the weird sensation that someone was watching her and she quickly turned around, but no one was there. She stood in the entrance hall for a while, reflecting on what had transpired in this house. Not really feeling like she could handle going any further inside, she went to open the door back up again to leave, but her foot bumped into something laying on the floor she hadn't noticed before. Bowing down, she picked it up and realized it was an old, yellowing newspaper. Not recognizing the front page or the articles, she went to look at the date. "4th of July, 2000." She read aloud, her voice ringing once again through the hall.
Realization hit her, for this particular date was etched into her mind, and she dropped the paper with a soft yelp. "No. Not this day." Jamie whispered, her hands trembling as she opened the door again and started running, apparently having a goal in mind. She almost flew across the grounds of Bly, seemingly so eager to reach her destination that it didn't matter that her sides hurt and her breathing was ragged.
Her whole body ached as she arrived at the lake and she combed her hands through her hair stressfully. It looked just like she remembered it. The water was gently lapping against the shore, being slightly stirred by the wind. It would almost be calming, and beautiful, had it not been for the horrible memories and events that unfolded here. A soft rain was making small circles appear on the water's surface and slowly soaking Jamie's clothes.
Knowing what she had to do, each of her steps felt heavier as she marched towards the lake, and eventually into the water. The coldness enveloped her to the bone, but she kept going until she no longer could stand and had to swim to be able to continue. Dreading what was to come, she took a deep breath and gently dove underwater. When she was under far enough, slowly, regrettably, she opened her eyes and there, she saw her. Just like she had the first time this happened, on July 4th, 2000. Her lady in the lake.
Dani's eyes stared out front, unblinking in the somewhat dirty water. Her hair was framing her face beautifully, hauntingly. With a numb expression on her face, she just stared into nothingness.
At this familiar, horrible sight, Jamie screamed, her lungs quickly filling up with water. Not again. She couldn't do this again, see this again. She shrieked out loud, cried, yelled at the unfairness of it all. Bitter resentment and heartbreak that had been locked away deep inside spilled out of her like a broken water balloon. She raged and bawled until all the oxygen in her lungs was gone and she could only sniff slightly. Why? Why? Take me with you. Please.
Finding the smallest bit of energy left within, she swam closer and managed to grab Dani's hand. She pulled on it, but her strength failed her. Her air was gone, she had been under the water for too long, but she didn't care. Choking, she pulled and pulled on her wife's arm until she could no longer feel her own fingers. She begged and begged, her salty tears mixing with the lake water as she suffocated. She was only vaguely aware that she was going to drown.
What did it matter? She knew what life was like without Dani. It was nothing. An empty, lonely dark hole. She could stay here. Die here. Be with her forever. That would be better. As she was gasping for air, her vision began to become blurry, but she didn't let go of Dani's hand. She would let it take her. Her vision faded to black and she felt herself sinking towards the bottom of the lake, feeling the grass growing there tickle her arms and legs. Feeling Dani's wedding ring, still on her lover's hand, pressing into her skin.
It would have been a sight, the two of them, drifting there at the bottom of the lake, Jamie thought. A beautiful, yet haunting sight. She pulled herself closer to Dani, willing herself to become one with her. As her consciousness faded, she smiled. "I'm here." She thought, willing it to be. She couldn't change time, but she could be with her in this moment. Maybe that was enough. It felt oddly good, drifting here next to her Dani. Peaceful. Almost magical.
Now, arguably, many people say magic doesn't exist. They try to explain everything away with science and logic. It's not logical, after all, magic. It's not real. Too mysterious, too supernatural to be explained or understood. No, instead, people believe in the routine of living their life, maybe finding their person, building a family, losing that family, dying from old age. Eventually, that's what life is all about, isn't it? Being born. Loving. Losing. Grieving. Dying. The circle of life. A destiny, already written out for each person who is born in this world.
But what is love, if not the pure definition of magic?
A feeling so powerful, it can conquer wars, conquer worlds. Give meaning to lives, destroy lives. Wreck people. Save people. Love is what runs the world. And a little bit of love can, if you look right, make something extraordinary happen. Something magical, if you must say.
Magic exists. Who can doubt it, when there are rainbows and wildflowers, the music of the wind and the silence of the stars? Anyone who has loved has been touched by magic. It is such a simple and such an extraordinary part of the lives we live.
Jamie's love for Dani filled up her entire being. She radiated it. She breathed it. Even after Dani had been long gone. She loved her through all these lonely years, never forgetting her beautiful sacrifice. And that love had to mean something. In fact, it did mean something.
It meant so much that on that fateful day in July, love allowed the winds of time to turn back. To change.
Jamie let out a gasp of air as she awoke with a start, the images of her latest nightmare flashing back to her. "So it was a dream." She thought, feeling a little relieved she didn't actually go back in time and drown herself in a lake. That would have been embarrassing, to say the least. She slightly relaxed underneath the bed sheets, but then suddenly tensed again. She didn't sleep in beds anymore. Not since…
Feeling extremely confused, she pushed herself up to take a look at where she was. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the lack of light and she realized with horror that she recognized those walls and that window very well. Somehow, she had ended up in her old apartment. Their old apartment. Waking up alone, just like she had the night that Dani had left her forever. Realizing that apparently, the nightmare wasn't over, Jamie let herself sink back into the mattress and rubbed her cheeks and eyes, willing herself to wake up. When she didn't, she cursed under her breath and slapped the mattress angrily with her flat hand. She had dreamt about stuff like this before, so it wasn't completely unexpected, but it just felt so real. To be all alone, reliving her worst memories. Great.
What she really hadn't expected however, was to feel someone stirring in the bed next to her.
Her eyes snapped sideways, looking at the lump under the duvet beside her, horrified. What appeared from underneath was a slender hand, familiar fair skin being complimented by the darkness of the sheets, reaching out for her. On one of the fingers, a golden ring glittered in the moonlight and Jamie gasped audibly at the sight of it. Hands trembling, she pulled down the sheets slightly, revealing a head of blonde hair sprawled across the pillow. Dani was sleeping soundlessly beside her, her hand now having closed around Jamie's thumb. The dreaming woman's cheeks were flushed and her lips were slightly parted.
Jamie's breath hitched and she closed her eyes briefly. "What the f-"
This all felt so genuinely real and she almost couldn't deal with the reality that this was actually not real at all and that when she would wake up, all she would be able to think about was this moment, recognizing it had all been a dream and being broken all over again. However, she decided to bask in the moment that was given to her, for now. Enjoy the time she got. Dani had never appeared in her dreams before, at least, not alive.
So, the woman shuffled down again, getting comfortable under the covers and turned to lay on her side, looking at her wife with endearing eyes. She moved a little closer, wrapping her arm around Dani protectively and just...looked at her, observing all the small details she missed so much every day. For a long time, she fought to stay awake, wanting to have the most amount of time possible to take this all in. Her eyes burned, but she didn't care. She must have stayed awake for hours before finally dropping off to sleep herself, her other arm folder behind her head. Their soft breathing was the only sound in the room as the stars glittered in the night sky and eventually made way for the rising sun. Both women slept better that night than they had in a very long time.
Dani was the first to wake up, stirring slightly. She felt the heavy weight of her lover's arm around her waist and smiled, enjoying the moment. This was the best part of her day, she realized. Waking up with Jamie next to her. Not alone and scared anymore.
As she turned to lay on her back, she felt a weird sensation come over her, unlike anything she had felt for 13 years. It was almost like...her body was filled with a warm sun. Comfortable, peaceful. A very strange feeling, indeed. She hadn't felt very good the past weeks, but now she seemed different, better.
She thought about what had happened but a few days before, recalling herself filling up the bathtub and staring at her own reflection for hours until the water overflowed and she was shivering from the cold, still staring. However, it hadn't really been her own reflection she had been staring at, had it? Her reflection had been long gone, for years now. Instead, she would stare at the faceless woman, The Lady from the Lake, that had haunted her for over a decade. Thinking about her now, she searched for the feeling of dread and anxiety that would eventually settle in as her body woke up, but it never came. The emptiness didn't swallow her this morning. Feeling slightly freaked out by this, she brought her hand up to shake the other woman awake. Her wife startled, letting out a soft moan as she opened her eyes.
Jamie woke up feeling confused and almost immediately remembered the several weird dreams she had that night. Before she could pay them any mind though, she had opened her eyes and was utterly shocked at the sight in front of her. The same Dani she had seen last night in her dreams was staring at her with two sleepy blue eyes, her hair sticking out to the side a little bit. Seeing that her partner had awoken now, she leaned in closer to cuddle into her and whispered. "Hey, Jaims, I feel a bit weird."
Jaime instinctively pushed the blonde away, feeling herself freak out. "What the fuck is happening?" She muttered under her breath, unable to process the events unfolding in front of her and looking around for a clue frantically.
"Hmmm, what?" Dani whispered in return, more awake now and equally confused. She reached out to grab Jamie's hand, but the other woman quickly pulled it away.
"I don't understand. Why did I not wake up yet? You think this is funny or somethin'?" Jamie's angry muttering filled up the room as she sat up and looked up towards the ceiling as if she was speaking to it.
The other woman sat up too, following her wife's gaze as if the answer was there, written out on the ceiling. "I'm confused?" She eyed her wife again and noticed she looked quite tired and her eyes were actually bloodshot. She reached out. "Hey, are you okay?"
"No, I'm not okay!" Jamie shouted, hurriedly pushing the bedsheet off of her and getting up from the bed as if she had been stung by a bee.
Dani tried really hard to understand, and even tilted her head as if that would allow her brain to work better. "What happened? Did you have a nightmare or somethin'?"
Letting out a pained laugh, Jamie rubbed her forehead and pulled her hands through her hair. "A nightmare? You could say that." She looked at the other woman, who was sitting on the bed, looking a bit like a mess with one of the straps of her pyjama shirt having slipped down her arm. "It seems like I can't wake up from it, in fact."
"Okay, well, I don't know much about sleepwalking, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to have a full blown conversation during it." The blonde deadpanned, trying to make a joke. When Jamie didn't laugh, she shuffled towards her. "Look, I don't know what's happening, but I'm here." She grabbed the other woman's wrists, pulling her closer.
The brunette sighed, feeling her heart break all over again as her skin made contact with Dani's. "That's the problem. You shouldn't be." Her voice was strained with emotions, barely keeping it together. She refused to look her wife directly in the eye, instead opting to stare at the wall beside her.
"What does that mean?" Dani said, not understanding. "You want me to leave?" Her voice sounded disappointed and the grip on her significant other's wrists loosened.
"No!" Jamie shouted uncharacteristically, closing her eyes, immediately regretting having raised her voice as the other woman had immediately tensed. She continued in a calmer tone. "No...I just...I need a minute. I...I will try to explain."
Now, the young gardener really wasn't sure if she was dreaming anymore and absolutely didn't know what to do with that information. Also, she definitely had no idea how to even begin to explain what she was experiencing. Then again, it couldn't hurt to try because this was all not real anyway. All this could be was a sick joke, played on her by the universe to give her one last kick when she was already down. Or something.
She sat down next to Dani, crossing her legs, and took a deep breath. "What day and year is it?"
"Uh, the 5th of July, 2000?" The other woman replied, furrowing her brows, not understanding what that had to do with anything. "I don't..."
Jamie chuckled, looking a little unhinged. "The 5th…" She combed her hands through her hair again. "Now, that...that makes no sense."
Dani grabbed her hand, and thankfully, this time, her wife didn't pull away. "Sweetheart, what do you mean?" It was confusing to see her significant other behave this way and she was really trying her best to understand.
"I…" Jamie racked her brain, trying to find a way to clarify this without sounding absolutely crazy. "Look, I'm 45 years old, Dani. The last time I saw a calendar, it was 2007." Okay, yeah, that made no sense. She was silent for a while, gathering her thoughts with her eyes closed. "I don't know how I'm back here. It can't be the 5th of July. This isn't possible...because...you…" She cleared her throat nervously, almost unable to say the next words out loud. She finally looked her late wife in the eyes, almost drowning in their beautiful blue. "Dani, you died on the 4th of July, 2000."