- Lady Mary? You sent for us? asked Anna as she entered the library, Bates tailing her.
- Yes, do come in please, answered Lady Mary with a bright smile.
When they came closer, she gestured to the couch.
- Please, sit down.
Anna and John looked at each other, puzzled. Never before had they been asked to sit down in the library with the masters. Mr Carson would faint, had he known. But they did as they were told, and looked expectantly at Lady Mary and Mrs Crawley.
- Are you two still thinking of adopting? asked Lady Mary.
They looked even more confused. John answered:
- Er, well, yes m'lady, we are. In a while.
- Fine.
Mary turned to Isobel as she went on:
- Mrs Crawley here has come to me with an interesting suggestion for you. I'll let you explain, Cousin Isobel.
- Well, started Mrs Crawley, you know that I work with a charity in Ripon, helping Russian refugees. One of my protégés died last night, during childbirth. She leaves two orphans, her newborn girl, and a three-years-old boy.
Anna had joined her hands in front of her mouth, understanding what Mrs Crawley was implying. Bates asked:
- But what about their father?
- I'm afraid there is no father, replied Isobel. They were going to be sent to the orphanage tomorrow, but I convinced the Head Nurse to keep them until Friday. So you can consider taking them. I understand that this is very sudden and that it is a very big decision to make, so I don't need you to answer right now.
Anna was at a loss for words. She couldn't quite process that completely unexpected turn of event. Something that was until a minute ago an unfocused dream some time down in the future, was suddenly a very real choice to make at that very moment. She was feeling completely overwhelmed. Bates seemed to manage to keep his focus a little better, and asked Mrs Crawley:
- What do you know about their story?
- I only know what their mother told me. Her name was Svetlana Ivanova. She was twenty-five years old. The boy's name is Piotr, which is Russian for Peter. At the charity we called him Peter. He was born in Russia. Mrs Ivanova and her husband then decided to flee the country following the Soviet revolution. Unfortunately Mr Ivanov died of illness during the trip, and she came to England as a widow with her son.
- So… continued John, the baby doesn't have the same father? Had she remarried?
- No.
Anna had silently listened to Isobel's account, and at that moment, dread filled her:
- So… how come she had another child?
- I… hesitated Isobel, wondering if it was wise telling them the whole truth. But then she concluded that they deserved to know.
- I'm afraid she got pregnant just as you did Mrs Bates.
Anna's fears were confirmed. She suddenly felt a deep sorrow and an intense sisterly feeling for this unknown young woman who had been through the same ordeal as she had, on top of fleeing her country and losing her husband. Tears rolled on her cheeks. Isobel frowned at the sight of Anna's distress.
- I'm sorry Mrs Bates, I realize this must be quite unsettling for you to hear. But I want to be honest with you. You have the right to know that baby's story.
- Will you be alright Anna, asked gently Lady Mary, reaching to squeeze her hand.
Anna straightened herself, and wiped her tears.
- Yes, thank you m'lady, I just… need a little time.
- I know this is a lot to process right now. You take today to think on it, discuss it between the two of you, sleep on it. I'll come back tomorrow morning, and you'll tell me if you want to come visit them at the hospital. And please, feel free to decline, if you think this is not the right choice for you. I don't want to put any pressure on you.
- Thank you very much Mrs Crawley, answered Bates. Well… I think we should go back to work now, he added, taking Anna's hand.
They both got up, but before going for the door, Anna looked back at Isobel and asked:
- What is the baby's name?
- I think she doesn't have one yet, replied Isobel, smiling.
As Anna and Bates disappeared out the door, Mary turned to Isobel, looking worried:
- Was it necessary telling her that? I'm concerned it will just reopen her wounds…
- I'm sorry, I hadn't thought this through I guess.
- Well, what's done is done. I just hope she won't be falling backwards. She was doing so much better lately.
Isobel looked at Mary with a fond smile:
- You really do care a lot about her, do you?
- Yes, I do, answered Mary somewhat proudly. She's one of the only people who knows to bring out the best in me. The only other was really… but her words trailed into nothing, realizing who she was talking to.
- Matthew you mean.
- Yes, she whispered, a sudden surge of sadness washing through her. That's why I am so very glad that I didn't lose her too. Although I'll probably lose her in a few months, when they go away buying their hotel. But at least she'll be happy.
- And you won't lose her that way. She'll always visit, and write.
- I guess you're right.
Isobel watched Mary for a few silent moments. Then she said flatly:
- It feels lonely sometimes, being a grand Lady…
Mary sighed, and offered her a tight smile:
- It does. Anyway, I must get going, she added, getting up from her armchair. Thank you for thinking of them. When will you be by tomorrow?
- Around ten, if that's alright with you?
- Fine.
Mary rung for a footman to escort Isobel out. When Jimmy had opened the door to the library, she turned back to Isobel:
- Have a good day, Cousin Isobel.
- Have a good day Mary.
As she was walking back to Crawley House, Isobel thought about how different she felt about Mary now, compared to when she had known her first, all those years ago. Had the Lady changed so much, or had she misjudged her from the beginning, she couldn't tell. Probably somewhere in the middle, she concluded. She thought back about the Bateses too, and hoped she had not been wrong coming up to them with this offer. Maybe it was too soon for them.
x x x x
At the servant's luncheon, Anna had appeared quite nervous and distracted, which had awoken Mrs Hughes's worry. She wondered if something had happened that had made her fall back into her old woes. As everyone was leaving the table, she discreetly asked her into her parlour.
- Anna? Are you quite alright? You've seemed quite… unsettled at luncheon.
Anna offered her a smile, and explained:
- No, no, I'm fine. It's just… Well, I can't tell you the whole thing yet, but Mr Bates and I have received some very unexpected news, and I need some time to wrap my head around it. But I promise you it's nothing bad, she added, seeing the worry in the Housekeeper's eyes. We'll know more tomorrow, and I promise we'll fill you in.
- Alright… answered Mrs Hughes, quite puzzled.
As Anna went out, the older woman wondered briefly if she could be pregnant again.
Anna went straight to the boot room, where she found her husband. He stopped his work as soon as he saw her coming in. She put her hands flat on the table and asked:
- John, I would like to go down to the church. I need to gather my thoughts, and I think praying there will help me. Would you come with me?
- Of course my darling. Do you want to go now?
For him God and the church meant nothing, but he respected his wife's beliefs, and he was ready to go anywhere with her if it helped her sort out her feelings. And anyway, some peace and quiet to think over Mrs Crawley's offer did seem appealing to him too.
- Why not. That way we won't be in a hurry to come back before the gong.
- Alright, let's go, he said, reaching for their coats and hats.
- I'll just tell Mrs Hughes. Oh, and I told her something was going on, because she noticed I was a bit distracted at luncheon. But I didn't tell her exactly what.
x x x x
The church was empty when they entered it in this early afternoon. They went up the aisle hand in hand, just as they had done so many years ago when they had come to pray for William and Mr Matthew. And just as it had then, it reminded John of the wedding he had never been able to offer Anna, instead of the hasty and secret wedding they'd had. Another one of his failures to her. She had assured him then that she didn't mind, as long as she had the right man. But he hadn't even been that to her, otherwise she would never have had to live through all this nightmare. Anna turned to him and smiled, leading him to a bench on the side of the aisle. She let go of his hand, and knelt, joining her hands and resting her forehead on them. As he looked at her, this miracle wife of his, he wondered how any human being could want to hurt such a pure person. His only conclusion was that someone who would do that was not really human. He tried to shrug those thoughts off. Now was not the time to dwell on that bastard. He didn't deserve his time. Now he had to focus on making a wise decision for them, and those children.
Anna spent a long time in this position, unmoving. She didn't feel the soreness grow in her knees, as she was in deep conversation within herself. Her instinctive answer to Isobel was to accept right away. But did she deserve those children? Was she strong enough to be the mother they deserved? Being a mother was all she had ever dreamt of, but was she good enough, after what she had done? It then dawned on her, that maybe this was God's plan, to send her those children, when she least expected them, as a challenge to make amend for the sin she had committed all those months before. That this little girl's story was His way of offering her some kind of closure, a way to make up for the child she had turned away, and to honour that baby's mother's soul. A happy sense of purpose filled her whole. She knew she had made up her mind. Now her only concern was that John might not feel the same way.
When she looked up, and got up again, John was amazed by the way her face had changed in the space of those few moments. He always felt rather jealous that prayer could bring such comfort on a faithful person. That was not something that was granted to him.
- Shall we go out? asked Anna.
- Sure, he answered.
And they walked out hand in hand, in the same way they had walked in. He turned to her, as they were wandering in the churchyard:
- So? Has it helped to make up your mind?
She smiled brightly at him:
- It absolutely has.
- Something in that smile tells me that you want to go through with this… he teased.
- I do. I've come to understand that accepting this challenge that God is sending upon us would help me come to terms and feel at peace with not accepting the last challenge He sent me. I feel it is His way to tell me He has forgiven me. But then, I don't want to push it on you if you don't feel the same way, she quickly added, a little worried frown appearing on her forehead.
He deeply inhaled, and slowly started:
- Well, I can't say this is the way I planned for things to happen for us.
He paused for a few seconds, and seeing the tears threatening in her eyes, went on with a smirk:
- But then, since when have things gone for us in any way we'd ever planned? This will only be one more unexpected turn of events, and I think we've grown used to them by now… At least that one is happy unexpected… Makes a nice change for once.
Anna was looking at him with such a fierce hope in her eyes, it took his breath away, and swept away the last bit of uncertainty he might have.
- So… What are you saying? she asked. Do you think we should go to Ripon tomorrow and meet them?
- I think we should my darling.
He almost lost his balance and fell backwards as Anna threw herself into his arms, sobbing.
- Oh thank you John, thank you so much!
- I told you I would love any child that would make you happy…
She lifted her tears-washed face to him and whispered:
- I love you John.
- I love you too Anna, he answered before bringing his lips down to hers.
So, HAPPINESS! Because we've come a long way for it!