Anna had great difficulties settling that night when John and she finally lay in their bed in the cottage. She had not mentioned the children subject to Lady Mary when she had undressed her, and the Lady had respected her silence. Now her brain was buzzing with thousands of questions, some theoretical, some very practical. Would the children like them? Did the boy speak English? How were they supposed to feed the newborn? How would they gather every item needed to take care of two young children, when they had nothing at the cottage? The baby would need a crib, some clothes, some diapers… Would she know how to care for a newborn, when she had virtually never been around babies for more than a few minutes at a time? How would they manage to keep on working and care for the children? Would Lord Grantham allow John to take some time off to settle them? She felt quite overwhelmed, as each question seemed to be followed by three others. She sighed loudly and turned on herself in the bed, coming closer to John, wondering how he could manage to read a book and concentrate on it. He looked up from it, noticing her uneasiness.
- Is something wrong my darling?
- No, I mean, it's just… How can you be so calm? I'm so nervous about all this… I mean, we have nothing to accommodate young children. We both are working full-time with extended hours. How exactly are we going to manage this? Are we being reckless accepting Mrs Crawley's offer?
He realized that she was really anxious, and brought his hand to caress her cheek:
- Anna, breathe, my love.
She closed her eyes, and snuggled her cheek closer into the palm of his hand.
- Do you remember what I told you as the pond? We will find our way. For a start, we both have years of time off due, that we have never used. So tomorrow we are going to go see Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes, and take it. I know Lady Mary won't mind, after all it's because of her that we'll be needing it. And Lord Grantham surely will be understanding too. I mean, it's rather exceptional circumstances. For later, well, we'll discuss things with both Lady Mary and Lord Grantham, see if they are willing to accept some arrangement on our schedules. And at worst, we can always give our notice and live on our savings. We have enough to last a few months on it. I would rather save them and use them on refurbishing and launching our hotel, but we'll make do. The London house is almost sold, so we'll be able to start searching for a place soon. So it's going to be tight for a few months, then we'll be settled. If this is meant to be, we'll find a way so that it comes to be.
Anna looked up at him, smiling fondly:
- You're so down-to-earth, I love you.
- And as for baby stuff, there has been two babies at the Abbey in the last few years, I daresay Lady Mary will be glad to lend you some items until we are able to buy everything we need.
- Do you have answers to everything? she smirked.
He chuckled.
- I don't pretend to. But I do have an idea to help distract you from your worries, he said with a saucy grin, bending over her and kneading her hip with his hand.
- Mr Bates, you're being naughty, she said, slapping him playfully on his chest.
- But think about it darling, it might be our last days to enjoy such activities without being interrupted by crying children.
- Oh Lord you're right, she laughed. Oh alright then, she said, lifting her head to kiss him.
X X X X
It was the end of a clear and cold December morning in Ripon, and the Bateses were walking swiftly to the hospital, following Mrs Crawley. Lady Mary had for a moment contemplated the idea of coming with them, but then she had felt she would be intruding on a private moment, and decided against it. But she was very much looking forward to seeing Anna again later in the day, and listen to her telling how it went.
Anna's heart was beating like a mad clock in her chest, and she was holding on to John's hand for dear life. Her hands were trembling, her legs felt wobbly, and she felt dizzy with anticipation. John was putting great effort in looking calm and composed for her, but deep down he was feeling just the same. As they walked, Anna noticed that he was holding a little paper bag into his hand.
- What is this? she asked, gesturing to the bag.
- Oh this? I may have "borrowed" a few cookies from Mrs Patmore's tin. For the boy. You know, as a way to break the ice.
- Oh, this is so sweet of you! she beamed.
When they entered the paediatric ward, Mrs Crawley knocked on the Head Nurse's office, who let them in right away.
- Hello Head Nurse, I'm here with Mr and Mrs Bates, whom I told you about, to meet the Ivanov children.
- Yes, good morning.
The Head Nurse looked stern but kind, not unlike Mrs Hughes, thought Anna. She extended her hand in turn to all three of her visitors. Mrs Crawley asked:
- How are the children doing?
- Fine. The boy's getting a little restless being kept closeted inside for three days. It's not a place for a healthy child. And the baby is doing fine. She is starting to put on weight, which is good.
- Mrs Bates here was asking me yesterday, does she have a name yet?
- No, she doesn't. Unfortunately her mother was too far gone by the time she was born to tell us what she wanted to name her. She was going to be named Mary if she was sent to the orphanage, since this is the traditional name for orphaned newborn girls. But if you take them, Mr and Mrs Bates, you can choose any name you'd like.
- Thank you Head Nurse, answered Anna.
- Now, I guess you're dying to see them?
- Yes, quite, admitted John.
- Let's go then. If you'd follow me, said the Head Nurse, leading them out of her office and into the ward.
She walked a short distance down the hallway, and gestured to the bed where the little boy was sitting with his knees folded against his chest, clutching to his Teddy.
- There they are. I'll let you all get acquainted. I'll be in my office when you're done.
When he saw these unknown people coming to him, the boy seemed to retreat further into himself, looking scared. Isobel sat next to him and said gently:
- Hello Peter, do you remember me? I am Isobel, your mummy's friend? We've met several times already.
The child studied her face and then seemed to recognize her. He straightened on the bed and asked her:
- 'Sobel, where mama?
John and Anna felt their heart break at the boy's question. They realized how lost he must feel, surrounded by strangers in this strange place, his only family member gone without a goodbye.
Isobel smiled sadly at him, and took his hand:
- Peter, do you remember what I told you? Your mummy has gone to heaven. She is with God now. Now, I am looking for a new mummy for you, and also a daddy.
- Daddy? repeated the boy uncertainly.
He didn't remember his own father. To him, "daddy" was only a figure his mother had shown him on a few pictures.
He looked up to Anna, then back to Isobel with an interrogative look in his eyes, and pointed to Anna:
- Noo mama?
Anna felt her heart melt and she fought very hard to contain the tears that were threatening in her eyes. She smiled to the boy, but waited for Isobel to answer.
- Maybe she could be your mama. This is Anna, she told the boy, gesturing to her, and this is John, pointing to him. Do you want to say hello to them?
The boy looked frightened and tried hiding behind Isobel. Isobel turned to pick him up and sat him on her lap.
- Now, don't be scared Peter, they are very nice.
She looked up to Anna and John:
- Do you want to sit near me?
John looked to Anna, but she felt too overwhelmed to talk to the boy right away.
- Go, she whispered to John. John sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to settle too close to Isobel and the boy.
He offered a warm smile to Peter, and said softly:
- Hello Peter. I am John Bates.
He pointed to the stuffed bear the boy was still clutching to.
- That's a very pretty bear you have here. What's his name?
- Teddy! said the boy, holding it up to John.
- Hi, Teddy, answered John, shaking the bear's paw. Nice to meet you. And you Peter.
He carefully took out the paper bag from his jacket's pocket, and held it out to the wide-eyed boy.
- Oh, look, what do I have here? Do you want to look inside?
The boy tentatively held out his hand and took the bag. He looked inside it, and a wide grin lit his face.
- Cooky! he exclaimed, reaching for one.
John seemed to have scored a point with him, because the boy let himself slip down from Isobel's lap, and reached for his toy car. He proudly presented it to John, saying:
- Car! Vroom!
- Oh yes, that's a very pretty car! I bet it goes very fast, answered John.
He looked up to Anna, sending her a little smile.
- He seems to like you, she said.
For a few minutes, the baby had started to fuss, and was now crying in her crib. Peter pointed to her, and said:
- Sister!
- You're right, this is your baby sister, said John.
Anna looked hopefully to Isobel and asked:
- May I hold her?
- Of course, nodded Isobel.
Anna bent over the crib and reached to pick up the wailing baby. She held her against her chest, her tiny head resting against her shoulder, and softly patted her back, whispering in her ear:
- Hush, baby, hush, it's alright.
It took only a few seconds for the little girl to soothe and go back to sleep, her head snuggled in the crook of Anna's neck.
- She seems to like you, noticed John playfully.
At that very moment, Anna knew she would never let go of these children. She wondered how she would be able to put that baby down and leave the hospital without her later. Her eyes met John's, and the brightness in them told her he was feeling the same. They looked at each other for a moment, until Peter broke the silence, asking for another cookie. They both chuckled at the little boy's newfound boldness. Isobel took Peter's hand and told him:
- Look, Peter, what if we took the cookie bag, and we went to eat them in the hospital's garden. Then you can run a little bit, and we will let Anna and John talk for a while.
The boy took her hand, and Anna sent her a thankful smile as she went away with the boy. When they were left alone with the baby still sleeping against her heart, she looked up to John and said:
- So…
- What do you think darling?
A fierce determination in her eyes, she answered:
- Those are our children. I know it. I feel it. What do you think?
- I feel pretty much the same. This boy is a sweet lad. And this little one… he added, caressing her tiny cheek with his big fingers, she's perfect.
- You don't have any doubts about that?
- I don't, he said flatly. And I don't doubt that the sun will rise in the east either.
Hearing him repeat those words she had said to him several years ago, in such a different setting, a dam broke inside of her, and tears spilled out on her cheeks.
- Oh my God, John, thank you… I'm so happy!
She settled the sleeping baby on her right arm, and came to snuggle into his embrace. They both cried in silence for a moment, until the baby fussed again. Anna straightened and asked:
- So, how are we going to name you, little girl? Do you have any idea, she added, looking up to John.
- I don't know, do you have one?
- How about Sophia? It means wisdom. Do you like it?
- I do. Let's go with Sophia then.
He looked down to the baby, and gently took her hand. The baby instinctively grasped on his finger as he whispered:
- Hello little Sophia. It seems you and your big brother Peter are coming home with us.
He then lifted his gaze to Anna's, and they exchanged a look of purest happiness, as their lips briefly met to seal their agreement.
x x x x
Alright guys, if you have not shed a tiny tear reading this chapter you are officially heartless! ;D
(I know I did while writing it, but then I'm a marshmallow heart ^^)