At three o'clock in the morning the following night, Anna was pacing the sitting-room back and forth, holding a wailing Sophia, while John was hastily warming some water to make her a bottle. They had left Peter asleep upstairs in their room. Having no bed yet for him, they had had no other choice than to settle him between them in their own bed, and truth be told, they had not minded. It felt so good to feel his tiny warm form sleeping next to them. Sophia was sleeping in her cot right next to Anna, close enough so that she could listen to her breathing and put a hand on her tummy without getting up. As the baby was howling more and more, John hurried to fill in the bottle and count the formula doses. They had chosen to buy the newly patented infant formula, following the hospital doctor's advice. Obviously they could not afford a wet nurse to feed the newborn, and the doctor had warned them about giving her plain cow or goat milk, as was common at the time for babies who could not be breastfed. According to the paediatrician, the formula was much better for her health and growth, so, despite the higher cost, they had decided to go for it. They wanted to give their little girl the best they could afford. When the bottle was at last ready, John went back to Anna and handed it to her.
- There you go darling, I checked the temperature.
As Anna took it, he noticed the tears in her eyes.
- Hey, love, what's up? Nothing's wrong with her you know, she's just hungry and impatient…
- I know, I know, she said, sitting on the sofa and settling Sophia to give her the bottle. I'm just being silly. It's just… you know, when I hear her wailing like that, all I want to do is open up my nightgown and give her my breast… But there's nothing there for her. I can't be a real mother to her, she concluded, wiping her cheeks with her sleeve.
- Oh, Anna, come on, don't say that. Of course you're a real mother to her! You're up at three in the morning, tending to her every needs. And you worry! That's what mothers do, he added, chuckling.
Anna looked up to him with watery eyes, and smiled.
- Thank you John. I love you.
John was putting a kiss on her forehead when he head a light creak behind him. As he turned around, he saw Peter standing on the first stair.
- Hey, lad, what are you doing up? he gently asked.
- Baby sad? asked the boy in return, pointing to his little sister.
- Oh no, she's not sad, she's just hungry. Look, she's happy now with her bottle.
John took Peter's hand and led him near Anna and the baby so that he could see her fiercely sucking on the bottle. But then the boy looked up at Anna and saw the remaining tears in her eyes.
- 'Na, sad? he asked again.
Anna smiled at him and bent over to kiss the top of his head. John answered:
- Don't worry Peter, Anna is not sad. She's very happy to have you both. She's just being emotional, like every new mothers, he added, looking back to her and winking cheekily. Now, my boy, he went on, let's go upstairs and get you back to bed while Sophia finishes her bottle.
A while later, John had fallen back asleep near Peter in the bedroom. After changing Sophia's nappy, Anna had sat in the sofa, holding her close to her chest, waiting for her to go back to sleep. They both had dozed off for about an hour, but then the baby had started fussing again. Seeing that she had a hard time settling down, and afraid that she would wake Peter and John one more time, Anna put on her coat, wrapped Sophia in a thick plaid, and went to walk outside in their backyard. The night was not so cold for a December, and she hoped fresh air would help the little one go back to sleep.
Moments later, John woke up in their bed. He instantly reached out and his hand met Peter's sleeping form. He then held himself up on his elbow, and saw that neither Anna nor the baby were there. He went silently went downstairs to check if they had fallen asleep on the sofa, and when he found the sitting-room empty, panic washed over him, as the memory of the last time he had found his home empty in the middle of the night filled his mind. In a split second he imagined Anna falling back into her past fears, and leaving with the baby to do something stupid. His heart raced as he called softly:
- Anna?
Tears came to his eyes as he was hastily putting his coat on. Just as he was tearing himself up over whether he should go out to look for her and leave Peter unsupervised, he felt a rush of cold air and noticed the back door left ajar. He rushed to it and swung it open, and finally let out the breath he had not felt he had been holding. Anna was out there in the back yard, and he could hear her softly singing some lullaby to the wrapped-up baby. He laughed at his own silliness as tears began to roll down his cheeks. When she heard the door open, Anna looked up to him, and started walking back to the house.
- I think she's finally gone back to sleep for good, she whispered as she entered back into the house, walking past John.
She held the baby out to John so that she could put her coat off. When she looked back to him after hanging the coat, she noticed the tears on his cheeks.
- John! What's wrong?
He felt split between relief and shame at having doubted Anna's intentions towards herself and the baby. He shook his head:
- Now, it's my turn being silly I guess. I woke up and didn't find you anywhere, and I … sort of panicked… I was afraid… I'm sorry, that was just stupid.
- Afraid of what, John? she asked reluctantly as she was slowly realizing what John had really feared.
As he opened his mouth to answer, she silenced him with a finger on his lips.
- No, don't say it, I know.
She cupped his cheek with her cold hand, and looked him in the eyes:
- John, listen to me. This, is over. You won't lose me. Or the children. I love you, and I love them, and I'll always be there for the three of you. Do you hear me? You don't have to fear, alright?
He silently nodded, as he brought his own hand to covers hers on his cheek. He slowly turned his head to leave a kiss into her palm.
- I'm sorry I doubted you. It was irrational.
- Don't be sorry. You had very good reasons to. But these are past us now. And they won't come back. I promise.
They stood for a moment in silence, forehead against forehead, Sophia tucked in between them, until Anna said in a whisper:
- Shall we go back to bed now? I'm rather freezing…
x x x x
It was tea time in the servants' hall the next day, and everyone was gathering around the large table. As she was putting down the kettle on the table, Daisy asked around:
- When are Mr and Mrs Bates coming back? Why did they have to take some time off all of a sudden?
Mr Carson answered sternly:
- Not that it's any of your business Daisy, but they had some family matters to settle.
- Oh.
One could tell that the girl's curiosity was not satisfied, but she didn't dare ask further.
- You might have more answers soon, Daisy, don't worry, said Mrs Hughes with a mysterious smile.
Outside, a few yards away, Anna and John were slowly making their way up to the Abbey. Anna was pushing the pram as John was holding his cane in one hand, and Peter's hand in his other. They were going much slower than their usual pace, as the three years-old kept strolling away, this way and that, each time anything caught his attention. Anna and John kept exchanging the proudest of looks, beaming with happy anticipation at the thought of finally showing off their new family to the household.
A few minutes later, they were entering the servants' hall. They stood there for a few seconds, silently smiling, before chatter slowly died down as everyone started staring at them with stunned looks on their faces. John finally chuckled, and said:
- Good afternoon everyone.
Mrs Patmore, alarmed by the unusual silence that had fallen upon the usually noisy servants' hall, came out of her kitchen, and froze still in front of the Bateses.
- What is going… Oh, Mr Bates, Anna, hello. But… what… who are those two little ones? she asked when she had registered the children's presence.
John's face lit up with the biggest of grins, as he replied:
- Well, Mrs Patmore, thank you for asking.
He turned to face the servants' table, and said louder:
- Everyone, may I introduce Peter, and Sophia, our children. That is, our adoptive children, of course.
More than a few mouths were gaping, and soon the assembly dissolved into cheers and happy greetings. Even Thomas seemed to have forgotten his usual sneer, and seemed genuinely glad. Mrs Hughes got up and came to give Anna a warm hug:
- Oh Anna, you don't know how happy I am to see you both so happy…
- Thank you Mrs Hughes.
All the noisy cheering had scared the poor Peter, who had hidden himself behind Anna's and John's legs, and was tightly holding onto John's leg. John bent over and picked him up. Pointing to Mrs Patmore, he told the little boy:
- See Peter, this is Mrs Patmore, the lady who made the cookies.
Looking up to the cook, who was beaming at them, he explained:
- I won this lad's heart with a few of your delicious cookies.
- Oh really, she exclaimed. So, tell me Peter, would you like more cookies?
- Cookies! blurted the boy.
- Ha ha, laughed the formidable cook, that boy seems to have a sweet tooth. Come with me Peter, I'll show you my little secret box.
John put him down, but the boy seemed hesitant to follow the yet unknown lady, so he tugged on John's hand to bring him along. When the three of them were in the kitchen, John said:
- He doesn't just have a sweet tooth, this boy has the largest appetite. I never thought such a small child could eat so much. I'm starting to think he's been hungry for a while now…
- You could say so, look how he's only got the skin on his bones, poor lad… replied Mrs Patmore with a sad smile. Well I will not let it be said that he will go hungry in my kitchen! Come here Peter, help yourself, she told the boy, holding her cookie jar open for him.
John and Anna spent a nice time telling everyone how they had come to meet the children, and what they intended to do in the near future. They had planned to visit the Grantham Arms in a few days, and everyone around them agreed that it would just be perfect for them to move in the village. A little while later, Mrs Hughes put a friendly hand on Anna's shoulder, and whispered to her ear:
- I'm afraid Lady Mary has asked me to make the four of you go upstairs to say hello as soon as I saw you… I think she's dying to meet the little ones.
- Oh, yes, of course, said Anna.
She turned back to John and nudged him on his arm:
- John, I think the family wants to meet them too. We should pop upstairs and say hello.
- Oh, right, sure darling.
As they were both standing up and starting to make their way upstairs, Mrs Hughes added:
- I think you will find the family in the drawing-room.
- Alright, see you later, said Anna, smiling back to the Housekeeper.
Emerging from the servants' staircase, they started crossing the Great Hall to knock on the drawing-room's door, when Peter suddenly stopped in his tracks. Turning back to him, Anna saw that he was standing still, staring quite mesmerized at the giant and richly lit Christmas Tree on display in the corner of the Great Hall. His little mouth was gaping, and his eyes shone, as he had clearly never seen anything quite as majestic in his short life. Anna crouched down beside him, and said softly:
- It is a beautiful tree, isn't it Peter? How about tomorrow we make one for ourselves at home?
- Big tree at home? asked the wide-eyed boy.
- Well, ours won't be as big of course, but we'll put plenty of ornaments on it. And all around the house. Because soon it will be Christmas and we are very happy to spend Christmas with you and baby Sophia.
As Peter dragged Anna nearer the tree to take a better look at it, the door of the drawing-room opened, and Lady Mary appeared.
- Oh, Anna, Bates, I thought I heard voices! I'm so glad you came!
- Well, we wouldn't have missed an occasion to show our children off m'lady, answered John with a gleam in his eyes.
- Bates, my dear fellow, boomed Lord Grantham, joining them in the Hall.
The Lord gave his valet a warm handshake and a pat on his shoulder.
- Congratulations my man, and you too Anna. So, let's see those lucky little tikes.