Disclaimer:
- Contains spoilers from chapter 253 and above of Magi manga
- English is not my native language and the story probably contains many grammar mistakes
- Contains swearing

I don't own Magi or any of its characters

xxx

Sharrkan was shocked many times in his life. For example, he was shocked when his brother entrusted him to Sinbad. He was shocked when he saw many of Yamuraiha's date choices. But most of the time, he was really just 'surprised'. He could at least predict some of these things. At least for a few minutes ahead, he could feel that it will happen.

But what he couldn't predict was when Sinbad told them those three words.

Alibaba. Is. Dead.

Sinbad called a meeting of the Eight generals. He didn't tell Ja'far why to call them. He was in shock himself. So, when the generals arrived, they started having small talks while Sinbad was thinking of what to say. More like, he tried to think of a way to put it, but nothing came to his mind. After minutes of thinking, he decided to say it simple as it is.

And as he said those three words, everyone fell silent.

In that moment, Sharrkan wasn't surprised. He was shocked. He froze in place and his mind couldn't really think of anything. Not even the thought of his student's death itself.

But when he finally put himself together, he was the first one to speak. Everyone kind of expected it, since he is, or maybe was, his master.

"How? How did he..." he didn't finish the sentence. It was too painful.

Sinbad started to explain the battle between Judar, Hakuryuu, Aladdin and Alibaba. Sharrkan tried to listen, to understand those words, but he just didn't know if he even wanted to. The only thing he's heard was that his body is in Balbadd and that they could visit him, before he got buried.

Visit him? Sharrkan couldn't take it anymore. He stood up roughly, making the chair fall back and making everybody's attention turn to him. Like hell he would want to see his lifeless form. If he's gone, he wants to remember the last time he saw him. Full of life and humour, getting better at swordsmanship but still being his unpopular student.

He tried to say something, but nothing really came to his mind, so instead, he quickly left the meeting room without looking at anyone, ignoring someone calling his name. He was so upset, that he wanted to kick something. A thought of destroying felt somewhat comforting and pathetic at the same time. He wanted to scream, maybe even cry. Alibaba wasn't only his student. He was his friend. A true one. And even though Sharrkan was popular among people, he didn't have many of those.

As he was pacing through the hall, he heard someone calling him. He didn't need to turn around to recognize the person. Yamuraiha. What the hell did she needed now? Did she wanted to scold him for leaving so suddenly? To comfort him? Her of all people, whose student was still alive? True, Aladdin was Alibaba's best friend and was for sure blaming himself and feeling horrible. But what was it to her? He thought about it, but felt a little bit bad about it, because it's not like she was someone who deserved these thoughts.

He sighed. His feelings towards Yamuraiha were... complicated. Even though he argued with her every day and threw all sorts of insults at her, he didn't really mean it. She annoyed him, yeah. A lot. With her „magic is better" and her underestimating him, no matter what he did.
But at the same time… he wanted her attention more than anything. She was like a motivation to him, motivating him to train harder, to prove her that swordsmanship is so much stronger and better than magic. He also found her beautiful since the first time he saw her. And thorough the years, he didn't find her only beautiful, but also very strong, smart, brave and kind. He was trying to fight those feelings, but now, after so many years, he kind of knew he was in love with her and didn't want any other woman by his side. But the more he knew her, the more he started to wonder if he will ever be able to tell her.

His feelings were mixed at that moment. He didn't want to talk to her, not when he thought about kicking something just a minute ago. But he also didn't want her to see this side of him, maybe because he didn't want her to comfort him like a little child, because he wasn't sure if she was still serious about him being like a little brother to her.

Yeah, more importantly, he really wished to be alone at that moment. But he still slowed his steps and let her get close to him. She probably ran after him, because her breathing was a little harsher. Her condition was sometimes so bad that he almost wanted to laugh, but then remembered the cause of his mood and rather didn't.

"Sharrkan! I.." she started, but didn't finish. What did she wanted to tell him anyway? I'm sorry? Everyone is, every one of the Eight generals liked Alibaba. He was dear to all of them, but even more to Sharrkan, without a doubt. After Sharrkan paced out of the meeting room, she excused herself and went after him. She didn't really think of what to tell him, but she wanted to be there for him.

Also, the fact that another young life was lost pained her so much. Not just anyone's young life. Alibaba was a very kind hearted and determined person. He was also Aladdin's best friend. They were each other's hope for making the world better and now, he was gone…

She thought about this and her eyes started filling with tears. She was often very emotional since it was only a few months after her foster father's death and these wounds were still fresh.

Sharrkan turned to her with a fake smile.

"You know, I'd really like to go to my room right now. And I think you should do the same." Sharrkan gave her a small smile as he saw her holding back her tears.

"Y-yeah.. I just wanted to tell you that.." she wiped away her tears before speaking up: "I'm so sorry, I understand how bad you must feel and that it must be so hard for y-"

"Yeah, it is, thank you. Is that all?" he cut her off with the same fake smile. She was caught off guard a little by his reaction.

Is that all? What kind of question is that? Of course it wasn't, she wanted to talk to him about this, ask him if he needs anything.

But what did she expect of him again? He was a grown-up man, she reminded herself. Of course he wouldn't let her see him cry or even being upset. Plus, their relationship full of fights and insults. He thought for sure that she would make fun of him or remind him later. But she wouldn't ever do something like that!

Anyway, it hurt her a little. While she spent a few months in Magnostadt again, she thought about him a lot. Missed him, even. At those moments, she realized how much he had grown since the days she was still studying in Magnostadt and how he also matured. She realized he became a man.

He was still annoying, but it's not like she hated him or disliked him... he was just annoying, but let's say that she maybe liked him a bit more than she originally thought? It surprised her, but when she thought about the times she was bothered about his drinking habits or his brothel visits, it made sense to her.

When she came back, she thought that her feelings would return to its previous form. But they didn't. And as she saw him at the celebration that night of her return, with two girls in his arms, she got that uneasy feeling again.

That's why she wanted to be there for him now, to be close to him. But then she realized. Maybe it's only her and her stupid feelings again. And maybe he doesn't like her the way she likes him and that's why he won't let her help him.

She lowered her head in defeat. "Yes. That's all."

"Okay then. See you later." He said and started walking away again, slower this time. He knew that he hurt her feelings a little by turning her down. But he believed that with her pride, she 'd just never call it up again and would just keep her head up high next time. And also, he really became tired just in a few seconds. All of the sudden he didn't want to break anything, he just wanted to lie down and sleep. And maybe wake up from this horrible dream.

He would make it real if she didn't speak again.

"I just wanted to say that.. if.. if you needed anything. I mean, if you wanted to speak with anyone-"

"I would probably talk with Sinbad, thanks." He cut her off again. He knew that she really didn't deserve this, but the more she talked, the more his feelings changed. He even started being mad again. Seriously mad, suddenly feeling like everything and everyone were the one to blame. It was almost crazy how easily his emotions changed in that situation.

And exactly that angered her. She couldn't see that he just wanted to be alone in that moment.
"Why? I just offered you my help and you just cut me out like this?!"

"Yeah, sometimes it works like that. Not everyone can be nice to y-"

"What the hell? Why are you like this, I'm just trying to help you!"

"I don't want your help!" He yelled at her. "Don't you see? I don't want your or anyone else's help! What can you do anyway? What do you expect anyway? I won't cry on your shoulder, I'm not you to cry about everything!" Yelling at her made him feel even worse, but he couldn't stop. "What's it to you anyway? He wasn't your student, nor did he care about you. You saw each other like... a few times in a palace, that's all! Care for your fucking student and mind your own fucking busine-"

"Okay, okay! I get it, okay?" She yelled back to cut him off, tears streaming down her face. She wasn't dumb, she knew he said those things in affect. But at the same time, it cut deep. Much deeper than his stupid sword cuts into human flesh.

Silence came afterwards. They didn't move, they just stood in front of each other, both upset, thinking about what just happened.

Sharrkan's anger was reduced by his sudden yelling and what came after was only realization. Alibaba was dead. And he did nothing to protect him. And he does nothing right now, too. He yells at someone who is dear to him. He felt like he should apologize, but she was faster.

"I.. I'm sorry. That was a mistake. I mean, I should have seen that you don't want my help. My offer still stands though, idiot swordsman." She forced a small smile while she quickly wiped tears from her face. "Well, you should be going now. You should rest, just as you said. I probably need it as well so.."

"Yamuraiha.. I.. I didn't mean to-"

"Yeah, it's okay, you were probably right anyway."

"No, I really didn't mean to tell these things. I just.." He fell silent again.

She nodded and turned in the opposite direction slowly. ".. see you, then."
And as she said that, she left the hall, probably to her room.

Sharrkan stood there for a few seconds after she left and then walked to his chambers.

As he arrived and closed the door behind him, thoughts he was avoiding just a while ago hit him. He looked around his room, something really dear to him, since he spent there most of the nights since he left Heliohapt, minus the travels and brothel visits.

His room was still the same, no changes. How is it even possible that within a few minutes, everything can change and at the same time nothing else does? He walked to his bed slowly.

As he lied down and stared on the ceiling, he remembered his childhood days, when his mother left him some space only when he went to sleep. He was controlled by her constantly and he could relax only at nights in his room or when he trained swordsmanship.

But sometimes, he couldn't even sleep. He felt tied up by anxiety and fear of what will happen the next day. Sometimes, he felt so low that even darkness scared him. But it was quite normal for his age, after all, he was still only a child when he lived in his home country.
And sometimes, he felt so alone, even though he had hundreds of people around him.

He suddenly felt worse. He was alone again. He was afraid of what will happen the next day.

What will happen to Balbadd if he's gone? That dumbass wanted nothing more than to protect his homeland. He could relate to him so much…

Tears started to fill his eyes. Damn it all! Why him? He was so young. So naive but also very brave and determined. He could really change this world together with Aladdin. But even if he didn't, he could still just be his unpopular student!

Tears streamed down his face. He didn't sob, he just let those tears free.

He's dead… he's gone…

He curled up on his bed and closed his eyes, allowing himself to drift into sleep.

xxx

A/N: This is my very first fanfiction, so I'd be very glad if you could leave any type of review!