A/N 04/11/2020:
Hey hey hey!
Please have a new chapter to clear your mind from all the horrifying election bullshit that's going on right now!
Some notes before we start:
1. About the letter that is written at the start of this chapter; I want to make clear that the 'scratched out' parts in the letter are truly illegible. Like… he went over it 50 times so whoever receives it can't read a thing :p In this fic that's obviously just a single line, because I /do/ want my readers to know everything
2. I link both a lyric video and the official MV from the BTS song that inspired me, this time. Though I love the boys a lot, this one actually isn't my style at all. It's a song I would usually only listen to once or twice per year, but it fit the theme perfectly; so I had it on repeat while writing and correcting the whole chapter
3. Thank you /so much/ Possumel for staying up late with me to help me correct this chapter! You were a great help and our laughter made it all a lot more bearable! ^^
Chapter Text
BTS - Spring Day: (Lyric vid) & (Music vid)
"Snowflakes are falling
Getting farther away
I miss you
I miss you
How much more do I have to wait?
How many more nights do I have to stay up?
Until I can see you?
Until I can meet you?
Past the end of this cold winter
Until the spring comes again
Until the flowers bloom again
Stay there a little longer
Stay there"
Spring.
The denial lasts up until the dreams change. The moment his unconscious mind starts to feature Kenjirou in his bed, Eita knows he's lost. So he stops lying to himself. He shouts at his walls when he wakes up, tired of hiding everything he's feeling.
His voice echoes around the room. No one answers.
Despite knowing that he probably burned every bridge to Shirabu's heart, back when it was still a place he could reach, Semi starts to write a new letter – determined to send whatever message he comes up with after its first draft. Romance is more than he can hope for at this point – he knows the brunette holds grudges like no other, but he swears he'll be happy with whatever way their friendship survives.
'Lord Kenjirou,
Hey,
Shirabu,
Dear Kenjirou,
You and I both know I've never been the sappy type, and maybe that means you won't expect the way I'm greeting you in this letter. Hell, maybe you're not even expecting any sort of letter at all. The truth is, I've written you many. Too many – almost an embarrassing amount if I'm being honest, but I was too much of a coward to send them.
I'm sorry for not reaching out to you sooner.
I have no way of knowing whether you're still angry. Life here has been terrible,horrific, hard down here. I guess life just generally kind of sucks when you're not around. I miss you a lot.
I wanted to apologize in person, you know. But you've been gone for 10 months now, and I don't know how much longer you'll stay in Seijoh before returning home. So that's why I'll say it here, just in case: I'm sorry. I really am. And I miss you. Things shouldn't have happened the way I made them happen, but they did. And all I can ask now is for us to talk, and hopefully fix things as much as you'll let me.
I know you must have long gotten your invitation by now. I know we talked about our respective Name days plenty of times before, and I never imagined I'd have to ask you this way, because I always thought you'd automatically be there; but I'm formally asking you to consider joining the feast in Shiratorizawa City for my 20th birthday.
I know your brother has the legal right to take your place as Rose at the celebration, but I need my best friend here for this one. It's the only gift I care about. You haven't sent answer back on whether you'll attend or not, so I'm hoping you still want to. I also hope that if you attend, that means that you still care as much as before. But if that is too much to ask for, then 'you simply wanting to be here' would be enough.
Father told me that no darkness, no winter can last forever. That whatever dreary period you're going through, it'll always end sooner or later. Morning will come again, with your return. I'm looking forward to leaving this 'darkness' behind us too.
I miss you. I ask you to come home, even if just once, so I can tell you in person that I'm sorry. I know you can read me like no other – but I won't bore you again, this time. I promise.
Please come home, Kenji. I miss you.
Yours eternally,
(Semi) Eita'
Eita's life slowly returns to normal after sending the letter. There's nothing else he can do but be patient. He'll just have to await Kenjirou's answer and hope for the best. In the meantime, it's like all of Shiratorizawa have conspired to distract him during the full month and a half running up to his Name day. Semi can't remember ever being this busy before. He also has a hard time remembering a time during which he grew more as a leader, and became a pillar of strength his people could rely on.
Goshiki and Taichi assist him nearly around the clock now, and they're the main reason he hasn't died from overworking himself. His parents try to help – but tradition dictates that Semi should handle the main part of the planning himself, to prove he's a suitable heir to the Ushijima name.
So it's with a tired but satisfied expression that he stands at the royal tailor's office for a last fitting. He can finally relax for a moment as the head tailor lays the last hand on his suit under the watchful eye of the King.
Ushijima Wakatoshi hasn't spoken a word since Eita's arrival, but none of the room's occupants is uncomfortable because of it. After all, an unguarded Wakatoshi is a view only few people have ever been allowed to see. And though Ushijima is relaxed during most of the times he's around his son, it isn't often that Semi sees his dad so openly affectionate as he watches over his oldest son with clear love in his eyes.
He wonders if the tailor noticed this too, because he suddenly steps away, mumbling something about thread before hurrying outside of the room. Wakatoshi steps forward at once, and Eita keeps looking into the giant baroque mirror – pretending to check out his suit as his dad steps close enough to put a hand on Semi's shoulder.
"You are doing well, Eita," Ushijima rumbles in his warm baritone as he joins his son in looking at their reflection. "I'm aware that I don't tell you this often enough, but know that I am proud to have you as my successor. You have grown a lot, and I'm sure you'll make a fine ruler one day."
The comment makes Eita acutely aware of the greying hair at his father's temples, betraying the true age of his still powerful figure. Semi bites his lip and tries not to break eye contact with his father's reflection.
"What if I make a mistake?"
"Humans are fallible," Wakatoshi agrees. "But no matter your mistakes, I'll be forever proud to have you as my son. You'll do fine, Eita. You'll be fine."
And for the first time this year, Eita agrees.
Kenjirou's answer arrives the week before his Name day.
'Semisemi,
Of course I'll be there.
Idiot. Idiot.
Yours,
Shirabu Kenjirou'
When the night of the ball finally breaks, Semi feels like he might throw up at any moment now. He is supposed to open the festivities by dancing with the Golden Rose. It's true that he has known about this fact for weeks, but for some reason his brain decided to wait until the evening of the celebration to let the true realization of what that entails sink in. He hasn't spoken to Kenjirou face to face in 11 months, and despite the written confirmation, he's been unable to spot his face anywhere in the crowd. Semi knows that they'll just switch Kenjirou out for Taichi if it turns out that he changed his mind, but he can't stop worrying about it regardless.
It takes all of his willpower to keep concentrating on the faces passing by – smiling at every guest who comes forward to thank him and his family for the invitation. As official heir to the throne, it is his duty to welcome every person who walks through the door. This goes on for another hour, at which point he is so high-strung with nerves that it feels like his brain will implode if he's unable to catch a breather for a minute. His fidgeting seems to have caught the attention of his parents as well.
"You'll dig a hole in the marble if you keep wiggling back and forth like that, Semisemi."
"I don't think that's actually possible, Satori."
"'s just a proverb, Toshi, just a proverb."
Tsutomu laughs.
"Anyway," Tendou continues, redirecting his attention to his son, "just tell us if you want to step outside for a bit, yeah? They won't run away, you know?", he waves vaguely at the people sipping champagne around the ballroom.
"Yes."
It's the only word Eita is able to force out, but it's enough.
"Ah, look, I think the necessary distraction is approaching right as we speak."
A new group of people steps forward, led by two men in full royal attire. Semi suppresses a sigh as he recognises the tall one and prepares himself for the antics that are sure to follow.
Both Kings step forward and bow, standing back upright as the Ushijima family bows back in unison. A servant hurries forward to announce them.
"His Majesty, King Iwaizumi Hajime, and His Royal Highness, King Oikawa Tooru of Aoba Johsai."
"You're turning grey, Ushiwaka!" Oikawa says gleefully as his husband rolls his eyes. "Is it to match your spouse? You can't leave Satori looking like an old fool with those glasses by himself, right? How selfless of you."
"As bigmouthed as ever, I see, Tooru," Tendou says coolly as he descends the stairs so he can look his fellow monarch in the eye. "It's quite hypocritical, coming from someone who's unable to walk in a straight line without his cane. At least these eyes of mine save me from having to look at your face when I take off my glasses, as long as we keep our distance." Semi blinks, so distracted by Oikawa's and Iwaizumi's imposing presence that he didn't notice the elegant walking cane supporting the King's weight off his right leg.
There's a second of silence that only gets interrupted by Ushijima's and Iwaizumi's mutual sigh before both Tendou and Oikawa's masks crack and they start laughing before embracing each other. Some of the guests look up in surprise as the two Kings hit each other on the back rather enthusiastically, caught aback by the familiar greeting, but neither of the royals seems to care much.
Semi starts to shuffle closer to the doorway as his father shoots him a meaningful look before greeting King Iwaizumi in a far calmer manner.
"Now where is that son of yours, huh? Still as stubborn as when we saw him in May? Ah, there he is!"
Semi's stride gains in speed as new Aoba Johsai residents start to move forward. He'd probably be able to find Shigeru somewhere in that group, and he has no wish to look Shirabu's friend in the eye at the moment.
It takes only a couple more steps to exit the room, both of the guards moving as one to let their crown prince through as he flees down the hallway and into the garden.
The peace doesn't last long.
Eita knows he'll have to return soon if he doesn't want to attract too much attention to his disappearance, yet despite this he is still surprised when someone calls out to him. A second wave of surprise hits him when he realizes that the voice rising up behind him is the one he has longed to hear for months now.
"Running away from your own party, are you? That's not very prince-like…"
"How did you-?"
Eita is glad he started his response before turning around, because even in the darkness of the moonlit garden he is struck dumb at the sight of Shirabu, who is dressed in a meticulously crafted suit, befitting of the royal family. His overall look is obviously intended to match Semi's own, but it doesn't seem to bother Kenjirou much as he stares up at his future King with his hands buried in his pockets – the very picture of composure itself. Most of the suit is hidden underneath Shirabu's usual cloak, and Semi wonders if he is trying to hide the fact that they're wearing matching outfits from Semi or from himself.
If it wasn't for the slight twitch at the corner of Kenjirou's mouth, Eita might even have believed it. As it is, it turns out that he still knows his Rose well enough to catch his tells.
Shirabu replies without waiting for Eita to finish his sentence. "Goshiki," he says plainly.
"Right…"
"I think we're supposed to head back now," Kenjirou continues, as if they're distant acquaintances and not best friends who had a fall-out, followed by almost a full year of radio silence.
Shirabu waits for Semi to walk over so they can ascend the stairs together. He doesn't look particularly mad, but Semi has known him for too long to foolishly wave away the possibility of hidden resentment. This is Kenjirou they're talking about after all.
Shirabu falls into step with him right away, and it's freeing in a way Semi never would have expected if he hadn't thought about this extensively and repeatedly in the early hours before falling asleep. It tugs at his heart in a peculiar way – because even though everything feels familiar and safe right now, from the sound of their matching footsteps to the way they mirror each other's movements, he knows it won't last. Shirabu is only here for the ball, and he'll have to leave right after.
The only thing that appears to have changed is the way both of them will glance away whenever they accidentally lock eyes. They used to sneak into each other's rooms when they were little – holding secret sleepovers with their brothers and often ended up sharing a bed. How did they ever get to a point where it became hard to look at each other's faces? That never used to happen before… For a split-second, Eita lets himself wonder when it all changed, only to cringe at himself right after. It's not very hard to guess at what point their comfort had shattered. 'But as long as the pieces are still there, there is no reason to assume it can't he fixed,' he thinks stubbornly.
They turn left, chasing the sounds of distant conversation intermingled with booming laughter that are coming from the yellow square in the distance. Semi's stomach does a backflip when he remembers what will happen when they walk back inside. At the moment, it's hard to even look at each other, let alone dance together in front of an audience. It's not that their mutual silence feels uncomfortable, but Eita does wish he could alleviate the lingering awkwardness somehow.
Shirabu appears to agree, because he speaks up before they can pass the marble statue placed about halfway down the corridor.
"How have you been?"
"Cold," Semi says honestly. He can see Kenjirou raise his brow from his peripheral, and follows it up with: "like winter-cold, if you know what I mean?"
Shirabu hums, and Semi decides to throw all caution to the wind. He knows they don't have enough time to talk things over in-depth right now, but if he doesn't say something before they have to face the masses, then he'll-
"There has only been winter, here. It's the only season I've seen all year."
It's not much, but he'll just have to hope that it's enough to last them until they can talk more. Shirabu's more than intelligent enough to catch the meaning of what he's saying, right? At least it's better than saying nothing…
Shirabu's face does something very complicated before settling on polite neutrality.
"We'd better start our dance right away, then. Gotta warm you up a little before you freeze to death. I have enough on my plate already and don't need the addition of a poltergeist in my life, thank you very much."
Semi falters for a moment, out of touch with Kenjirou's snarky humour. A glint of gold catches his eye as he glances right to gauge Kenjirou's expression, reflecting off of a gap in Shirabu's mantle. The sight stops him dead in his tracks, and Shirabu takes several more steps before he realises that Semi has fallen behind and turns around to face him.
'A necklace is no ring,' Semi's panicked mind tries to remind himself, 'it's just a medallion – nothing more. One he was unable to refuse, no less. You knew he would wear it.'
Even when they announced the new Rose to the kingdom, Shirabu had worn the necklace underneath his shirt, hiding it from the world at all times. Semi wonders if he is just following custom by wearing the chain on top of his suit, or-
'It'd be better to not hope for too much.'
At this point, he's not even sure if he can restore the mess he made out of their friendship. But it's hard to remember all that when Shirabu is standing less than 2 metres away, looking ethereal underneath the light of the intricate chandeliers hanging overhead.
"Why do you think I'd become a poltergeist?"
"Because I don't think you could be contained by something as insignificant as death," Kenjirou says smoothly. "Some things can't be separated that easily. They simply refuse to do so." It dawns on Semi that they're not talking about ghosts anymore. And though Shirabu is hardly known for being sentimental, this all oddly sounds like…
'I wanna hold your hand,' he thinks drowsily as they start walking towards the ballroom again. He holds back from doing just that, because despite what some people might think, Semi isn't actually stupid. He does have social skills, he just has a habit of ignoring them when they don't suit his needs. But since he's trying to do things right this time around, he instead settles on saying: "You seem… different."
"As do you. Don't act like I'm the only one who's changed." Shirabu sighs. "But yes, I guess I did. I guess that's how everything is. I'd hope that I have changed. It's been a year since we saw each other last, after all."
It's this last line that shakes Eita the most, and he grabs Shirabu by the shoulder before he can fully walk through the doorway. "Listen-," he starts urgently, "Shirabu, listen, I-"
"We can talk later," Kenjirou interrupts, but the look in his eye is soft. "I'd rather not do this in front of an audience." He waits for Eita to let go of his jacket before entering the room. He has barely walked inside before getting rid of his cloak altogether, which he gives to a servant with the explicit order to bring it to his family's quarters.
It doesn't take long before more and more people turn to watch the new guest, and a hush falls over the crowd as they realize that both the crown prince and his Rose are now present.
Semi hates the fact that they'll probably remain like this for the rest of the evening – unable to talk without being overheard. It leaves him no chance to reconcile them, but it's not like he has much of a choice in the matter. This fear is reaffirmed when his dad's low baritone calls for the guests to make way, so his son can officially start the festivities. Shirabu returns to Semi's side at once, looking remarkably as if he just swallowed a lemon.
When Kenjirou accepts Semi's hand and walks forward, his fingers are warm.
Considering how much time Semi has spent stressing himself out during the preparations for this evening, it's almost unfair how easily they fall back into their old roles. In hindsight, it's almost funny that Eita had ever thought they wouldn't be able to reconnect like this. As if all those years of familiarity could just be washed away when they'd been so integral to his life that they might as well be carved into his bones.
This doesn't mean that his doubts have left him as they move around the room in slow circles – all too aware of the hundreds of eyes watching their every move. Semi glances back at the audience whenever the feeling of Shirabu's fringe brushing his jaw starts to become overwhelming.
Sadly enough, there are some clear downsides to looking over at the audience every couple of seconds. One of them is currently flanked between Aoba Johsai's ruling King and some other unknown Seijoh Nobles. A slender, brown-haired guy stands there, and he is staring at Semi with a level of distaste the likes of which he has only ever seen when Kenjirou glares at people.
The guy doesn't seem to blink as he focuses on directing the full force of his scowl towards Semi at all times. Eita's gaze flits down in passing, taking in more of the guy's attire. The flowy cyan fabric is soft-looking and is draped in the typical style of most Aoba Johsai residents. It's clearly an expensive garment of high quality, but it still tells Semi next to nothing about the man himself. He does wonder about the lack of sigils decorating the outfit. The only thing he catches is a distinct silver Seijoh brooch, holding the whole thing together at the shoulder.
"Who is that guy?" he mumbles as they move towards the other side of the room again.
"Who?" Shirabu hisses, and Eita blinks.
'Well, if anyone would know…'
"The one with the cyan drapes" He says, nodding towards Sir Scowl-face.
Kenjirou sniggers. "You really are horrible with foreign politics. It's Shigeru. Obviously."
"Ah." Semi says. "Yes, obviously."
He tries to focus on the Sakura tree he spots through the window behind Shigeru, but ignoring that glare turns out to be harder than expected.
He is still staring up at the way pale pink leaves rustle in the wind outside, when he speaks up a second time. "I don't think he likes me very much."
Kenjirou manages to sigh in a way that sounds both affectionate and annoyed at the same time. "He tried to stop me from coming back," he confesses quietly, "he thinks I deserve… better treatment. You know royalty; stubborn to a fault when they've made up their mind about something."
'You'd fit right in.'
"What changed his mind?" Semi forces from between clenched teeth.
'Guess I should've known from the brooch. Does Kenji have to become best friends with every stray prince he comes across?'
"I reminded him of the time he slammed a highly ranked official against a wall, only to get engaged to him later. Life can be strange that way."
Semi blinks. That Seijoh prince is a lot more aggressive than he'd given him credit for. Maybe he should take the glaring a bit more seriously then.
"And that worked?"
"Well, I'd already told Taichi that I would attend the feast, so there wasn't much he could do, really."
Semi frowns. "Taichi knew?"
"Yes? I wrote to him right after I received your first letter."
"My first-?" He gets distracted when they turn and he comes face to face with Shigeru's glare again.
"I wish he'd stop looking at me like that."
"The prince," he clarifies, when Shirabu makes a questioning sound. "He keeps glaring at me."
Shirabu shrugs as much as he can while still dancing, throwing a quick glance towards the Seijoh party to see what Semi means. "What of it?"
Eita pushes back his indignance as the music switches to a faster beat. They should be done when this song ends.
"He's trying to burn a hole through my skull with his eyes."
"Ah, don't mind it – he always looks like that."
"He does?" Eita mumbles surprised, "He doesn't look the type? And anyway, I thought that you said he changed his mind?"
Kenjirou remains ever graceful, even throughout his obvious confusion. "What are you talking about? It's not like he's known for his wide smiles, or something? He's always been like that? Though he did mellow out over the last couple of years. Maybe he just thinks it's rude to stare at visiting royalty instead of focussing on your dance partner? In Seijoh you're supposed to look each other in the eye during the full length of the dance, you know."
Semi staunchly ignores the jab.
"He could try to hide his jealousy a little better, is all I'm saying."
Shirabu laugh is so loud and unexpected that Eita almost drops him by accident.
"I can assure you that there's no chance that Kentarou is jealous of us right now. He hates receiving too much attention."
"Kentarou?" Semi asks bewildered. He is starting to feel like they are both holding very different conversations. "I was talking about the prince? Shigeru?"
"Shigeru? He-?" Shirabu vividly goes through several emotions before settling on disbelief. "Iwaizumi Kentarou is Aoba Johsai's crown prince. You know that, right?"
Semi feels like he's the subject of some big ongoing prank.
"But isn't Shigeru also called Iwai-?"
"They're married, you dumbass?!"
"Ah… well… Okay. That's… good. Good for them."
Eita reminds himself to thank the musicians for their song choice later. At least this way he's able to conceal his embarrassment as a flush of exertion. Sadly for him, Kenjirou doesn't seem quite as keen on dropping the topic.
"You were invited to his formal name change?" He hisses, holding on to Semi's hand tightly as they move away from each other – their arms stretched between them before he spins back against Semi's chest with the next movement. "How in the fresh hell did you forget?"
"None of those names ever stick in my head," Eita whines. "You know that. I'm even more sure about it now; if they'd just all use numbers instead, then at least I'd-"
"-forget those as well," Kenjirou finishes his sentence for him.
And then, because Eita is an idiot who just can't leave things be, he says: "doesn't mean he can't still be jealous. I know he's married at all, but-"
Shirabu snorts. "It's clear that you've never met the future Kings of Aoba Johsai for more than 2 minutes. We'll go talk to them later. Tell me what you think about them again, when we're done."
After that, they don't mention Shigeru again. This doesn't stop Semi as he makes a point of dancing in their direction – timing the moment when he dips Shirabu backwards so that he's right in front of Shigeru as it happens, and uses the opportunity to glare back at him in turn.
This is the one shot he has to finally relieve himself from the lingering resentment for the guy who managed to pull Shirabu away from their country. Away from Eita.
For some reason, this seems to amuse the guy. His frown turns into a smirk as he takes in Eita's narrowed eyes, and he starts whispering excitedly to the blonde on his right, who responds by raising his brow as he stares at Semi with overt disinterest.
'Fuckin' Seijoh royalty.'
It happens right as he pulls Shirabu upright and back against his chest.
He'd been so focused on Shirabu's friend, that he totally forgot to consider the phrasing he used just earlier.
"Even if Shigeru wasn't…"
Kenjirou's voice is soft, and they both pretend like they didn't hear the small tremor at the end. He coughs, and tries again.
"Is there anything to be jealous of?"
Semi doesn't hesitate.
"Yes."
Shirabu doesn't really smile. Not fully. But the hand that holds Eita's tightens its grip, and that's enough for now.
Cherry blossoms are blooming outside the palace windows.
Spring has come at last.
A/N: NOTES NOTES NOTES! :D
1. Tendou totally did his son a solid one and sent that last letter to Shirabu. When Shira is talking about 'Semi's first letter', that is what he's referring to. It was one of the letters Satori was supposed to throw in the fire, but he just sent it to Kenji instead. Now, I do want to say that that is very shitty behaviour and you shouldn't do that to someone, ever - but I want to point out that Satori was getting extremely worried for his son's mental health and he was doing what he felt was best to get Kenjirou and Eita to reconcile. This particular letter was a really sweet one, where Eita admits to how much he misses Kenji etc. He didn't scratch out all of his sappy sentiments this time because he was planning on throwing it into the fire anyway. Tendou didn't read the letter; Shira's name was on the outside of the paper, so he knew who to send it to. (though he would have guessed right anyway). Acceptable behaviour or not; the fact that Tendou sent this letter played a big part in Shirabu getting over the fact that Semi 'betrayed him', from his point of view. Anyway: bad Tendou! He'll receive 10 spankings from Ushi later. :p
2. Kenji just didn't know how to react to the first letter and decided to contact Taichi instead; that way Semi would be at ease & Shirabu himself would have more time to process it all. (But Taichi was pissed off that day and didn't tell Eita + he forgot to tell him afterwards)
3. Yes Shira scratched out 'idiot' only to write it again. He's so petty, I love it
4. OITEN & IWAUSHI FRIENDSHIP FOR LIFE, BITCHES!
5. About the tree outside the window: "Winter sakura or fuyuzakura (Prunus subhirtella autumnalis) begins to bloom in the fall and continues blooming sporadically throughout the winter."
Ps: Please forgive me, but the last chapter of this fic will only get posted a couple of days later than I planned. I'm really sorry, but I'm pushing myself a lot with this one (because it's the first fic I'm writing at the same rate as I'm posting it online), and I just write too slowly for it to fully work :( It is still my intention to post the last chapter by Sunday, though!
Stay safe and have a great week! :D
Please let me know what you thought of this chapter down in the comments - it gives me a lot of energy to continue writing ^^