Thomas had barely slept that night, walking up every so often in a panic. He assumed that it must have been his mind reverting in and out of a nightmare. He had nightmares often. Sometimes they were peculiar, involving herding sheep in the rain or or his teeth falling out. Some dreams were dark whilst others bad memories.

Dressed in his long coat, he looked nothing more than naturally portly. It was on the verge of not fitting, just another inch or two around his mid-section and he'd pop a button or three. For now, it served as a great disguise, hiding the bump and his unfastened waistband. See, he'd outgrown all of his clothes, he'd only gotten away with it for so long because of the corset he had been wearing. Being too busy, too sick, too lazy, or too afraid to go outside meant that he hadn't brought anything to accommodate his size. However, he still looked rather dashing in his coat, with a hat to finish the look.

He strolled into the kitchen, kitted up for a venture outside. Breakfast had just ended, to which he hadn't been in attendance. Instead, he had a long hot bath, applied Nivea to the sore skin around his stomach, and styled his hair. For the first time in a while, he was ready to brace the day.

He inspected the apples sitting in the fruit bowl, satisfied that he'd picked one perfectly red and with no bruises he took a mighty bite. The others stared at him, inspecting his get-up. "Going somewhere today are we Thomas?" Carson asked.

"I am. Heading into town, if anybody wants to come to join me?" He had taken Lady Mary's advice and decided to spend the day doing something for himself and getting out of the house.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Carson looked Thomas up and down. He hadn't needed to imply a reason why, but his looks were telling enough. The old butler was anxious about Thomas being recognised, exposed and inevitably tied to the household.

"I've got things to do, Mr Carson." Thomas had planned an itinerary of things to do today including; getting a head start on baby necessities like clothes, nappies and such, as well as stopping for a bite to eat, and maybe dropping in on Dr Clarkson if the good doctor could spare some time.

Carson eased a tight jaw, "Very well. Shall we expect to see you for dinner?" He bit his tongue.

"I would expect so, yes." He smiled patronisingly. It was clear that the two being civil with one another was a shoddy mask of how much they resented each other. Carson hadn't wanted to argue and cause a scene especially given the shift in the attitudes of those around him. And Thomas wanted to keep the sympathy of others and could only do so by toning down his arrogant outbursts. This dynamic would prove difficult for them both to uphold in the long run.

"That wasn't so hard." Mrs Hughes jested.

Thomas left through the service door, and through the gate at the end of the driveway. He didn't think it necessary to wait for the local bus towards town, even his waddling pace would get him there sooner. He passed the local school and the village church, tipping his head to anybody that recognised him out-and-about. Nobody seemed any the wiser. He passed a few market stalls selling freshly prepared goods, so he picked himself up a small bag of roasted chestnuts and sat on a bench to finish his fiddly snack. The quaint little town buzzed around him, as he relaxed. It felt almost instinctual to caress his stomach like he did when he was feeling this calm. He couldn't with so many familiar faces around.

The children out of school were playing and causing a nuisance, their parents giving them a slap across the hand for their bad behaviour. It served as a reminder of how little he liked children. Although, in fairness, Thomas could relate to the naughty boy stealing sweets, and he considered himself to have grown up well. If the situation hadn't been forced upon him, Thomas would have never considered having kids, settling with a wife for the sake of social pressure and making one or two little rascals – living unhappily no doubt.

Finished, he set out to check some of the things off on his list. A top priority had been to get his hair cut. The private man he was, he could never trust one of the others at the house to give him a decent trim. Instead, he would wait for an afternoon off every so often when he could take a walk into town and get it done professionally. It didn't cost very much, and his barber knew exactly how he wore his hair. For a little while every three weeks, he could chat to someone and it didn't have to be work-related.

"Thomas! It's been a while, come in, take a seat." Andrew called, slapping the hair off of the chair just in front. "How've you been, up at the big house?" He asked as Thomas took a seat. He wrapped the apron around Thomas' neck and prepared his things.

"Can't complain."

"Looking more like me every day, what's happened to you?" Andrew slapped his gut, it's girth attributed to his love for beer and pork pies. "Only yanking your chain. Happens to every man at some stage." Thomas scoffed; this does not happen to every man.

"It won't last forever, trust me." He vowed. Thomas missed his tone, aside from the obvious child attached to the front of his body, he'd done well to keep off body fat. Thomas was very much under the impression that his body would almost wholly 'bounce back' soon after giving birth. It was this blissful ignorance that kept him sane throughout the changes to his body.

"Each morning I get up, look in the mirror and tell myself that exact same thing." He teased, sniping away at Thomas' locks.

"How's the Mrs?" Thomas asked, steering the conversation in an entirely different direction.

"Expecting." He sighed.

"Oh? You seem far from pleased?"

"It's not that, they're great you know." He paused, concentrating on a particular inch of hair. "It's just been a while since our last is all. Thought all the sleepless nights were over. I'm too old to be going through all this again. Not to mention children are expensive, I wasn't sure I could afford another one." Thomas sat back and listened to the man's woes. It happened to be an all too familiar feeling, stress and worry. "The worst of it all, me and the wife were finally spending time together. The kids are old enough to look after each other, so we've been able to rekindle some of what we used to be."

"By the sounds of it, that's what got you into this situation." For a moment the two laughed and Thomas' cheeky assertion.

"This one's not so easy on her either. She's older now and she's having a hard time. I mean, I cooked dinner last night. Me. Wasn't anything fancy mind you, but she'd been too tired to cook."

"At least you can cook." A far side better than his own skills – or their lack of.

"More like throwing things into a pan and hoping for the best." Andrew brushed the loose hair from Thomas' shoulder. "The children ate it. Suppose that's all that matters." Rubbing a giant dollop of wax into the palm of his hands, he began to style the fresh trim.

"My advice, lookout and avoid certain triggers, and eat little and often," Thomas suggested. He managed to alleviate his nausea by quitting smoking and small snacks throughout the day gave him more energy.

"Since when did you become an expert?" The apron came off and Andrew did a final inspection before giving Thomas a pat on the back.

"I'm not." He added.

"When will you be back?" Thomas dug his wallet from his pocket and paid for the cut, with a few pence extra for a tip. Andrew pinged open the till to stash the money. "You had me thinking you'd taken your business elsewhere."

"Can't say." He found it hard to imagine a time within the next few weeks where he'd be comfortable leaving the house. Before long, he would be too big to inconspicuously wander around town. Today had been a complete one-off.

"They must really be working you hard, at that rate, you'll lose the weight in no time." He laughed.

Thomas tipped his hat, bidding goodbye, "Nice seeing you anyway."

He took a breather, letting the cold autumn air fill his lungs. It took a moment to decide where to head off too next. His stride was confident but as soon as he approached the boutique he froze, staring into the window. He felt, even before walking through the door, that he didn't belong. He was and wasn't their clientele all at the same time. What felt like more seconds passed but in reality, he'd been standing out front of the shop window for almost twenty minutes.

Zoned out completely, he hadn't noticed the hand reach out for his right arm. "You've been standing here for some time, any particular reason?" A friendly voice snapped him out of his daze. Anna had observed Thomas from a distance for some time before approaching. "I'm just glad it's you, otherwise that would have been an embarrassment." She smiled. "Thomas?"

"I can't go in?" His voice high and erratic.

"And why not?" Anna scowled.

"I'm a man. This is a woman's shop." He gestured to the mannequins in the window draped in a lady's maternity dress. "They'd shoo me away before the bell stopped ringing."

"Want me to come in with you?"

"I can't ask that." By doing so, could create gossip within their small community. Unfavourable gossip which would reflect badly on the both of them, more so Anna.

"I'm not worried." She'd gained some confidence having procured contraception on behalf of Lady Mary not too long ago. She linked her arm with his, tugging him in the direction of the door. He refrained, standing his ground. "You're about to have a baby. My guess is that you'll need to go in sooner or later."

"Does it have to be now?" He gulped.

"It's a better time as any. That child isn't going to wait for you to be ready." She raised a brow accusingly. "If somebody asks, I'll tell them it's me." She left and went in on her own, Thomas sighed shaking his head. He followed shortly after. "Do you have a list?" She asked.

"I-" He remembered suddenly, digging for his wallet and opening the notes compartment. He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, hurried scribbles read like hieroglyphs. Only he could make out his own handwriting. The note had been sitting in his wallet for a few months now after having read a book given to him by Dr Clarkson that he still had stashed under his mattress.

"You haven't checked anything off of your list." She said, voice raised.

"No. No. I haven't." He avoided her frustrated gaze, knowing that it was entirely his own fault for leaving things so late. Wind swept over his face and he closed his eyes to take in the fresh air.

"No matter, we can pick most of this up today." She said confidently. She looked positively determined which had Thomas a little worried but also relieved that something he'd pushed off could finally be lifted from his other burdens.

Sure enough, Anna scoured the entire store picking up things she believed totally necessary. By the end, when it came to paying, the total came to a substantial amount. He rubbed his face feeling rather helpless, having to turn over a large portion of his savings. He really had no idea just how expensive it really was to have a child.

Anna flipped through a furniture catalogue she'd picked up from the post office. "How do you feel about this one?" She pointed out to a gloss finished rocking crib. "Did you want to look after the little one yourself?"

"Haven't given it much thought," Thomas replied. After His Lordship's generous offer, he hadn't given much thought as to how involved he wanted to be in taking care of his baby. As it stood, the offer stipulated that his child could be watched by the nanny during the day and should he choose to, look after the baby on his own during the evening.

"I suppose you'll have to consider how you're going to feed the baby." Thomas ducked his head bashfully. Perhaps one of the most alarming developments which might have pushed him over the edge in seeking medical advice had been the expansion of his nipples. Not only did they become engorged but over time the nipples grew in size and turned a worrisome purple. They weren't magnificent in size, but they were far bigger than he could ever recognise. "Oh." Anna smiled. "In that case, you might want to decide after it's born. Not everybody can feed naturally."

Thomas was far too bashful to respond, "You should get one just encase. We'll have a closer look later on." She rolled the catalogue and shoved it into her handbag. "Here, let me carry that." She gasped, noticing the handfuls of bags that Thomas had been carrying.

"I've got it." He tightened his grip on the bags in his hands as Anna reached out to claim them.

"You know what they say about heavy lifting." She persuaded.

"I'm no sap." Thomas needed to retain his naturally chivalrous nature. Having a woman carry his bags would make him feel even more emasculated, especially after the nature of their latest conversation.

"Okay, well you'll let me know when you get tired." She understood just how fragile Thomas' emotions were right now, but she hadn't realised exactly the extent until Thomas stopped mid-stride and began to quietly sob behind one hand. "Whatever's the matter?"

"I'm losing my mind is all," The tears turned into light laughter. "I'm not enjoying this." His emotions got the best of him sometimes despite knowing how ridiculous it was to cry over nothing or matters trivial. He wiped the tears as quickly as they came until eventually, they stopped altogether.

"You'll be alright, nobody should feel embarrassed about showing emotion. It's okay to have a good cry sometimes." She comforted.

Back at the house Mary and Matthew were taking a walk through the gardens. The topic of conversation that dominated each time had been their inability to conceive. Mary was beginning to worry, having been married for just over six months, she felt hopeless. Matthew was her rock, keeping her optimistic through her troubles.

"It shouldn't be this hard, maybe there's something wrong?"

"We've talked about this, sometimes couples wait years for a baby." She fell quiet. "Speaking of, I heard that one of your footmen had a rather nasty accident. I've been meaning to ask how he'd been getting on since then." He knew Thomas by name, having screamed it in more ways than one.

"Thomas? Oh, he's fine. Better than fine. Thinking about it he's rather blessed..." Mary hadn't considered her own jealousy. At the moment she'd been genuinely happy for Thomas, the one who always came across particularly lonely. Thomas was particularly lucky, in comparison. He'd likely gotten pregnant on the first and presumably only attempt, while she was stuck worrying about her future.

"How so?" He queried, his wife looking more upset.

"You're my husband, and I suppose the others will find out eventually. You must promise for it to not leave our marriage." She put sternly. She herself had made a promise to keep the truth a secret, so if it got out she'd feel particularly bad Thomas suffered

"You can trust me, with anything." He answered sincerely.

"You may choose not even to believe me, it does seem so absurd." Mary winced, trying to fashion a delicate way to phrase the truth.

"Are you waiting for my heart to give out from curiosity?"

"Well, he's been knocked up." Mary laughed innocently whilst Matthew's head exploded with memories. His and Thomas' first kiss, the first time they made love, and each and every time thereafter until the last time. It was then that his heart jumped into his throat with crippling anxiety.

"Explain." He choked out, desperate for more information.

"Exactly what I said. He's been hiding it for months now, I'm not sure how looking at him now... he's gigantic." A loop replayed in his mind, it told of guilt and culpability upon hearing that he was a few months far gone, he knew the child was his, without a doubt.

"What is to become of him?" Matthew wasn't sure as to what he'd like to have done with Thomas. With a selfish mindset, he'd prefer Thomas be fired and thrown out to guard their secret, but a pang of compassion for an old flame would have him think otherwise. The person carrying his seed, somebody he foolishly fell for shouldn't be treated in such a way.

"Nothing. Papa has taken to him rather kindly. It does seem rather odd, but father is full of surprises recently." She chuckled.

"How's Thomas dealing with it all?"

"I've only just found out. He seems put together, although quite lonely I'm sure. I certainly wouldn't want to be going through it alone."

"Yes..." He diminished. "Yes."

"I'm heading into London tomorrow, it'll only take a few days." Mary mentioned. She'd actually been seeing a doctor in London and was going this time to have a simple procedure to correct something within her uterus. It would hopefully give her a chance to conceive. After all of her dread and worry, it still wasn't over. "I'm seeing my aunt." She lied.

"Right." He muttered, distracted. Mary was somewhat annoyed with how little Matthew cared.

"So, have you thought of any names?" She asked, distracting Thomas from his emotions.

"Not exactly. I'll probably name it something traditional like George or Elizabeth." If it wasn't for how cripplingly sick smoking made him, he'd have rushed through two cigarettes by now, in effort to calm himself down.

"You can, or you could pick a name more exotic?" Thomas laughed, of all things, he wouldn't consider himself to have a flare for the exotic.

"I appreciate you doing this for me. I don't know anyone else who would." He said appreciatively. Not a single soul would care enough or put themselves out in the same way Anna had. There was a time when he considered himself to be popular, most of the women of the house would swoon at his good looks, but it was shallow.

"It's no bother, really. You may not want to believe it; I care about you." She grinned. "Now, I don't want to rush you if you're not ready to head back, but I've got a long list waiting for me"

"I didn't mention it earlier, but Lady Mary knows. She ambushed me last night."

"I'm afraid that could have been me. I might have mentioned that Mr Carson had you working in the cellar. I had no idea that-"

"Couldn't throw a blanket over this, could I?" He admitted circling his stomach with his right hand, astonished to have kept things hush- hush for this long.

"I hate to agree. If His Lordship knows, then Her Ladyship definitely does. No doubt Matthew now knows your secret too, but he's a decent man, it'll be safe with him. That just leaves-" Anna stopped upon hearing an audible exhale. "Is everything alright?" She observed as Thomas' life drained from his body. "Was it something I said?"

Thomas felt familiar sharp cramping that he'd felt before in the week leading to his accident. He recognized it as stress and so started to focus on his breathing. It was completely predictable that Matthew was to find out the truth, but he was entirely prepared for that turn of events. "Peachy." He nodded.

"Do you need me to run to Dr Clarkson?" She panicked.

"No, no. I'm alright." The initial fight-or-flight was fading and with it the pain. What did remain were the heavy palpitations.

"Don't you scare me like that." She huffed, "you ought to take things slow from now on."

"I'm sitting down, does it get any slower than this?" He joked, stretching himself around the arched back of the bench. He took another loud exhale and breathed in the calm.

"Oh, you know what I mean." She nudged him playfully. Stress, something she'd always assumed rebounded from the man, was hitting him hard. Dangerous to him and the baby. Anna did, however, find it all too curious as to why Matthew's name triggered such a reaction. Given Matthew's outwardly nice nature, she didn't automatically assume the worst. She was smart enough not to press or ask questions with Thomas the way he was. Instead, she picked up his share of the bags, and Thomas didn't argue this time. "Let's go."