Chapter 50
Encountering Andruil in the flesh had stirred up Solas' old wounds. The routine of his everyday life, and the non-stop work that teaching fellows and treating patients allowed him to continually push away the terrible memories of the time he had spent with her.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, he would wake drenched in sweat, to the recollection of the last morning he had spent with Andruil. It was hours before her capture. He had done his best not to appear smug as he pretended to read the newspaper from her gigantic bed in her country villa. She had paced around in a flimsy crimson satin robe, speaking in coded Elven to another of her associates, Falon'Din, about the orb and how the two would retrieve it with Solas' help after the Evanurius convened.
The way the sunlight had caught Andruil's auburn hair and hourglass body had been captivating.
She had kissed him goodbye, promising to celebrate later that evening. All Solas could think about was how glad he was that if all went well, he'd never have to touch Andriul again. Or pretend to love her.
Was he willfully painting his past in a better light? Had part of him cared for Andruil?
Before he knew how terrible she was-before Mythal died-Solas had a crush on her. After all, she was a striking woman, skilled in seduction. That morning, while he was lounging in bed, watching her, an unscrupulous part of him had been momentarily tempted to tell her of the trap. The pair could find the orb together and claim its power as their own. He was of the conclusion that a better man than him would never have such a thought. Transient or otherwise.
Years later, the fleeting impulse to conquer Thedas haunted him.
He was thinking of the past when he carried Ellana's suitcase to his car and popped open the truck, and when Ellana breathed a sigh of relief when she spotted her books amongst the sparse interior. When he put the car in gear, pulling onto the street, turning the radio on to try and jog himself to return to the present, only to immediately turn it off again, given that the news reports were talking about an exploding gas leak on the East side of Val Royeaux. Occasionally, he'd catch Ellana flashing him a concerned glimpse in his direction when she assumed his eyes were on the road.
The fact that she was beginning to reciprocate his feelings made things worse. Regret and fear flooded his senses. The adrenaline caused him to want to spring into action. What was there to do, however?
He could confess everything. That was one option.
"Are you alright?" Ellana quietly said. Glancing over, Solas could see her vallaslin branches twisted with worry. "I can drive if you are too tired, I can set my GPS up?"
He didn't speak a little longer than was comfortable.
"I-I am able to drive. I am fine."
"Are you injured? Did-"
"Only in need of sleep, I assure you."
"If something were bothering you-" Ellana began before a buzzing sound emanated out from her phone in her purse in quick succession. Distracted, she took out her cell phone, reading the screen, before turning to face Solas with an agitated grimace. "It is Fenris, he saw the news about the gas leak, do you mind if I-"
"Go ahead, please."
The conversation that followed was neither long nor detailed. Ellana assured Fenris she was fine, that yes, there had been an explosion near her apartment. A long pause followed where Solas could hear the mumbled garble of the artist's voice, followed by Ellana responding, "No, thank you for the offer-I have other plans on Solstice. I'm staying with Solas. He picked me up, actually."
The candid answer surprised him, as did the warmth in her voice as she mentioned staying with him. He tried to watch for signs of a disagreement between the former lovers. He could not have expected the casual pleasantries the two shared: "No, I appreciate you calling," and, "of course, I'll update you." Both followed by a civil, "Yes, I'll give Solas your best."
"Plans for the Solstice?" Solas asked churlishly when Ellana clicked the phone off. "If that were your preference, I'd be happy to figure out a way."
"No," Ellana intently stared at him, the concern melting away to confusion. "I thought, well, given your invitation that you wanted to spend time together. I understand these aren't ideal circumstances, but did I misunderstand?"
Solas couldn't find the words to reassure her as he was replaying the words that Andruil had snarled hours earlier: "Eventually, she'll figure out that you are using her.
Was he taking advantage of Ellana? Did he care for her, or did he want, like he had all those years ago, to use her to find the orb and take it for himself as he was once tempted to do? Moving out of the way, or even urging her back towards Fenris would be a way to ensure her safety, not only from the Evanurius, but from him.
He could end things before them before a relationship took root. It would be more comfortable now, if not kinder in the long run. But how?
"We are almost to my apartment," Solas said, turning the car onto his city block."Let's talk there."
"Alright," Ellana replied wearily. Given how sad her voice was, Solas did not turn to turn to look at her as he hit the garage door opening, turning into his private entryway.
He did not look forward to the conversation that was to come.