Just a very depressing idea I had for a one shot set in an alternate universe from my other fic; The Quiet Hours.
P.S. don't read if you don't like heartbreak :/
"What are you saying, Thomas? I don't understand." They were standing in the stables, where Cora had found him. She had gone looking for him, finally deciding to demand answers as to his silence over the past few weeks. He had barely spoken to her, and she couldn't understand why. She knew John's death was taking a toll on him, she herself had spent a few nights in tears, for John but also for Tommy, for she knew how heavily it weighed on him.
"It's just not what I want anymore. I've done it before, with Grace. I thought it's what I wanted. But it's not." He was so quiet, and she thought she had never seen him look so small, so sad.
"So you don't love me anymore?"
"I still love you, I'll always love you."
"Just not quite enough." she retorted. He sighed. His voice was so dull, so distant, lifeless. It felt as if it wasn't even him inside that body anymore. His words came out sounding as tired as he looked. But Cora wasn't tired. She was scared. For the first time in her life, perhaps, she was truly scared.
"I trusted you. I trusted you, with everything." She hated that she was pressing him at this time, when she knew he was still grieving. But she was left with no other option. How much longer could they go on like this? She knew she wouldn't be able to bear it if she accepted the silence for months, only for him to leave her in the end.
"I can't do it, Cora. My family needs me. It takes everything I have to keep the business running and my family safe. I just don't have it in me to give you what you deserve."
"I'm not asking for anything from you Thomas. I just want to be with you."
"I'm sorry, Cora. I just can't anymore. I just need to be alone." She was in shock. Of all the ways the conversation could have gone, she had not expected this. She couldn't do anything but watch as he turned and walked out of the stables. Cora's heart started beating quickly, each breath becoming quicker and shallower than the last. She sank down to her knees on the soft hay, placing her palms on the ground in front of her, attempting to slow her breaths down to a normal pace. It was forty minutes later that she gained the strength to get herself up.
And she cried. Oh she cried. That night she didn't sleep for even a minute. She spent hours laying twisted on her side, body shaking violently with silent sobs. When the tears stopped, she'd sit up straight in bed, thinking. Her mind racing, searching for something, what exactly, she didn't know. A conversation, a promise, a moment of passion? Something that could prove him wrong. There must have been something in those four years that meant enough to prove him wrong. He couldn't just do this to her.
She thought of the first time he told her he loved her. She was in his arms when he said it. They had been kissing so passionately as if those precious words had already been shared, so it was no wonder when it slipped so easily from his lips. "I love you" he had said, as if it was the most certain thing in the world.
She thought of a night they had made love. Really, seriously, made love. The sex was always heated and passionate between them, but on this occasion, it was something else. Their kisses were so deep, so powerful, that her lips were numb for hours afterward. He had cradled her head in his hands as he entered her slowly, and she had never felt a sweeter pleasure. She felt her eyes get wet with an emotion she had never felt before when he watched her come undone, his throbbing cock inside of her. He lay his hand on her cheek with a gentleness she never knew he possessed as he thrust into her so deeply it hurt. And still it it wasn't enough. She clawed at his back, needing every inch of her skin to be pressed against his. She arched her body into him, so far up off the bed it almost felt as if there were hovering in midair as he thrust into her, their bodies moving as one.
She thought of nights she had spent breaking in his arms. When her mind got the better of her, and all she could do was try desperately to fill her lungs with the air that never seemed to come. He would hold her and speak to her so gently, as if she were the most precious thing he had ever held. He would sing to her softly as he ran his fingers through her hair.
Oh. Perhaps that was it. One too many nights of her falling apart. One too many nights of her needing him more than he needed her. Even just a year ago, she would have understood if it were too much for him. But why now? She had finally trusted herself enough to trust that he loved her. Finally begun to feel comfortable with the fact that it was okay to need another person. That it was possible for someone to love her, regardless of her faults. How could he turn around so quickly and tell her that it was just the opposite? She cursed herself for being so foolish, for allowing herself to believe that Tommy Shelby could really choose her, over business, over his family. Because as much as she wanted to believe she was at this point, she was not his family. And perhaps she never would be.