"I can be almost desperately annoying in these books" thought Hermione Granger, as she considered her (imaginary) lot in life, "but I am down-right unrecognizable on most of this site, for better or for worse.
"Why even bother with me, really, when what some want is the Lifetime Christmas Movie character straight out of a child's Loft Decorator Barbie fantasy?" she groused. "What's the point of putting my name on someone who would resemble me the least of all the officially sanctioned variations in the books and movies and games?"
"You just don't get it" thinks the Author as they write a Hermione with straight blond hair, born of royalty, and uhmm, very tall? Very not-bright? "This is hella fun."